Stronger
by MieLouLou88
Summary: Anastasia Steele has been the subject of bullying all through her high school adventure. When she goes on vacation to Italy with her parents, she is only too happy to escape her reality. In Italy, she meets a guy that will change her life. But what happens when vacation ends? Will their paths ever cross again? Will Ana be traumatized from years of bullying or will she be stronger?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Welcome to my new story! I am very excited about this one because it is very close to home. I will try and update this story like you all are used to, which is once a day. If you have read my other story, you'll know that I am going through a difficult time right now because of the passing of my grandfather, which just happened a week ago. I have to say that writing is a great distraction, so I'll do my best to update regularly!**

**This story does come with a warning. There will be bullying, self-harm, and violence in this story. I'm not going to sugarcoat it; it will be heavy. But I can promise you a HEA at the end of the road! And there will be absolutely no cheating in this story! Only AS and CG. There is no BDSM in this story, but I do love a little kink ;). And this Ana and Christian are OOC.**

**Curious? Then please read this first chapter and let me know what you think. Enjoy! X**

**PART I**

Chapter 1: Countdown.

"Look, there she is. I already thought we'd missed her today, but thank God we found her." I hear her say. I can tell they are right behind me. Following me.

"You'd think she would learn. Maybe she is deaf." The other one says. They are coming closer. I hear their expensive heels click on the floor.

Head down. Just keep walking and keep your head down. Don't give them any more reason than they already have.

"I think she is just stupid and stubborn. Come on, Ana Banana. Why are you ignoring us?" She asks me now. She is walking next to me, her two friends are behind me. I feel them stepping on my heels.

"Didn't your poor daddy teach you it is rude not to answer?" She asks me, now standing in front of me, successfully stopping me in my tracks.

Head down, Ana. Don't give them the attention they want. Ignore them and keep your head down.

"You are such a rude little bitch. Look at her when she is talking to you." One of the girls behind me says, yanking back my ponytail as she does so my head shoots up.

"There she is." Leila grins, her eyes twinkling with what I can only describe as pure hate. Pure hate that is aimed at me. And I have no idea what I did to deserve that hate.

"Can I just get to my locker?" I ask. My voice is soft and shaky, even though I try really hard not to let them see my fear. They'd enjoy that too much.

"She really has some nerve, doesn't she?" Susanna grins, moving in front of me as well. Her smile scares me, she looks like a cat that is crawling to its prey.

I try not to look them in the eye because it will make them angrier. But if I don't look at them they will be pissed as well. It confuses me. So I just stare into the hall in front of me, hoping that it isn't another reason for them to get to me.

"That she has. I thought we told you not to walk around in this hallway anymore?" Lisa asks me.

Lisa is the follower, as is Susanna. Leila is the one that makes the decisions. And she decided to hate me, so as good friends do, Susanna and Lisa hate me too.

"I have to get through this hallway, my locker is right there. Just let me get my books and I'll be out of your way." I try to keep my voice steady, not showing them what kind of effect this has on me. I don't want to show them how they get to me.

"Too late for that, Ana Banana. You are in my way already." Leila hisses.

Before I can register what is happening, I'm being pushed against the locker wall. Lisa pulls my backpack from my shoulder while Susanna keeps pushing me against the wall. Because the wall is uneven due to the lockers, something pointy is digging in my back.

Lisa gives my backpack to Leila, who opens it. Then she turns it over, successfully throwing all my books, pens, my lunch and my notebook on the floor.

"What do we have here?" She mumbles while grabbing my blue notebook from the floor.

The moment I see her opening it, I try to get it from her. I try to get out of Susanna's grip, but she is too strong. And then I realize I made a huge mistake. Because I tried to get the notebook from her, she is even more interested in what's inside of it. I am so stupid.

Lisa laughs and grabs my chin, forcing me to look at her. "What's inside of that book you don't want us to see, Ana Banana? Are we about to discover the name of your secret crush?"

I try to fight the tears from falling out of my burning eyes. They don't deserve to see me cry. I can't give them that pleasure.

Leila opens my notebook and frowns before giggling. "Jesus, she writes poems."

"How very geeky of you. You do make it really easy for us, sweetheart." Susanna giggles, pushing me against the locker a little harder. I'm sure I will have a bruise tonight, something is digging in my skin and I can't move to make it stop.

"I don't even feel like reading this shit," Leila says, before tearing out all the pages, throwing them on the floor for everyone to see. To make it a little worse, she stomps around, her heels making sure the pages are not more than dirty, old napkins with holes in them.

When she is done, she looks at me again. "Trust me, I did you a favor. Nobody will read the stupid nonsense you wrote. Now let me make something very clear. I do not want to see your ugly, fat face in this hallway ever again. I don't care how you do it. Move your locker or carry your stupid books in that ridiculously huge backpack of yours, but don't set foot in my way again. Do you understand?"

Her face is just inches from mine, I can feel her breath in my face. I can tell by her heavy breathing she is pissed.

"She asked you a question," Susanna growls while slamming me against the locker again. This time so hard, I feel the thing that pocked me hit my ribs, making me gasp for air. My head hit the wall as well, making me a little dizzy.

"Do. You. Understand?" Leila growls again.

"I understand." I manage to get out.

"Good." She hisses before turning around, kicking my stuff a little further around the hall and then walking away as if nothing happened.

"Better keep that promise, Ana Banana." Lisa giggles.

"You better." Susanna hisses, pushing my back against the locker on more time before following Leila down the hall.

When I'm sure they are not in my sight anymore, I look around. A few students are looking at me. Some are laughing, others just pity me. I can see them whisper, telling each other how pathetic I am. But nobody helps me. They all let it happen, every single time. Some of them are scared, others just enjoy seeing me suffer and struggle. It is sad.

I get on my knees, ignoring the sharp pain in my back and ribs, and try to save what's left of my books and notes. Unfortunately, I think I have to throw everything away. My poems are unreadable because of the footprints Leila left on them.

When I have grabbed everything from the floor and have put it into my backpack, I walk to my locker. Inside are three books, which I also put in my bag. I can't take the risk of coming here again and pissing them off even more. Even though I know that tomorrow they will find another reason to give me their unwanted attention.

When I shut my locker, I put on my backpack and walk to the exit. Head down, straight through the doors. All the while biting my lip to prevent the tears from coming. I can't show them they get to me. Not here.

I need to be strong just a little longer.

* * *

When I open the door of my house, a delicious smell hits my nose. And for one moment I forget everything. A feeling of safety washes over me. I'm home. I'm safe. Nobody can get to me here.

"I'm home!" I yell.

"Hi, sweetheart. I'm in the kitchen." I hear my mom yell back, welcoming me home. He voice brings me comfort.

I put my bag on the floor and hang up my coat before walking into the kitchen, where mom is making her famous tomato soup. It smells so good. The smell reminds me of when we first moved into this house when I was six years old. How I wish I could go back to that time. Everything seemed so easy back then. No pain, just fun.

"How was school, sweetie?" Mom asks.

For a second I think about telling her the truth. Telling her about how much I hate school, how I don't feel safe there and how I never want to go back. But I know I can't. Mom has enough on her mind already with dad out on a mission. I can't let her worry about me as well. Not to speak about how much it would hurt her if I tell her what I go through every single day.

"It was good. I've got a B+ for my math test." I smile while grabbing an apple from the counter.

"That's my girl." Mom proudly smiles at me, her eyes shining with happiness. She needs this. She needs to hear I'm doing good, so she doesn't worry about me.

"I'm going upstairs to do my homework," I tell her after a few moments of watching her stir the soup.

"You do that. Dinner is done in about an hour. I'm making bruschetta's and a salad as well. We can watch a movie tonight if you want. I heard there is going to be a good lifetime movie on TV." She smiles.

I nod my head, grab my backpack out of the hall and then get upstairs to my room. The moment the door closes behind me, I let my tears fall. Here I'm allowed to let them go. This is my place. Here I'm alone. Alone with my thoughts.

After a good fifteen minutes, I manage to pull myself together. I walk to the mirror and lift my shirt to look at my back, which is hurting even more than before. I see two huge bruises forming already. One on my lower back and one on my left side, just where my ribs begin. I sign while looking at them.

It is not the first time they marked me, but every time they do, it seems to break a piece of my soul as well. I feel so weak. Weak for not standing up against them. Weak because I let them bruise me. Let them hurt me and make fun of me. Every time I think about it, I promise myself that this was the last time. That tomorrow I stand up to them. But I know it is a lie. I know that tomorrow I will be doing the exact same thing.

I will be bending my head down in submission, almost giving them permission to get to me. To hurt me. I will be hiding behind my big glasses, baggy clothes and hoody, trying to be invisible. But they will find me. They will see me. And they will find a reason to hate me and then it will start all over again. Like it has been every single day, for the last two years.

And all I can do is count the days until summer vacation. Four more weeks left and then I have two months of freedom. Two months without being bullied and hurt. Two months with mom and dad, the people that do love me and want to spend time with me. I just have to be strong for four more weeks.

I grab my backpack and get all my stuff out. I don't bother to look at my poems, and just throw them away. It will only hurt me more to see the damage Leila did to them. Instead, I'm just going to make my book report.

We have to read one of the classic English books and write an essay about it. I've chosen Tess of the D'urbervilles by Tom Hardy. It was the book my mom and dad gave me for my fourteenth birthday and I've read it in one week. I just couldn't put it down.

The tragic yet loving story of Tess gives me hope. Hope that there is more to this life than what I'm getting out of it now. That one day, I will find my happiness. I just have to be strong now, and try to be invisible so I don't give them any more reason than they already have.

Reading is a way for me to escape reality, just as writing is a way to sort my feelings. The two of them keep me on my feet. They allow me to create my own world, one where people are making an effort to get to know me. One where nobody is being judged by what they wear or how they look or how much money they own. Somewhere perfect and peaceful. And even though a place like that only exists in my mind, I still keep hoping that someday I will be at a place like that. A place that keeps me safe and where I can be happy. Where I can be myself and where someone will find me enough. That someone will find me worth it. Somewhere I belong.

* * *

Later that night, mom and I are watching a movie about a teenage girl who had a baby and agrees to pretend the baby is her sister, so she can go to school and life like a normal teenage girl. It is sad and endearing at the same time. Yet I can't keep up with the story.

I keep looking at the clock, counting the hours until my alarm goes off and I have to go to school again. Ten more hours before I have to leave my safe haven and watch my back. It is exhausting.

"Ana, how are you, sweetie?" Mom asks out of nowhere, probably sensing I'm not really paying attention to the TV.

I'm alarmed for just a second, scared that she might know something is wrong. But then I pull myself together and answer her with a smile on my face like always. Pretending to be just fine.

"I'm good. Busy with the last few assignments for school, but I'm getting there." I smile, way too comfortable with lying to her.

"And what about the boys?" She wiggles her eyebrow and then giggles.

Poor mom. She wants to have girl talk with me so bad, but I have no idea how to do it. Not only because I'm not really a talker. Also because I have zero social contacts in my life, let alone contacts of the opposite sex. I will probably die as a virgin, but I won't tell mom that. It will break her heart to know she will never have grandchildren, I just know it.

"I'm not really busy with boys, mom. I'm just trying to get through the next four weeks. I want to have good results." I tell her.

"Annie, you know you can tell me everything right? Even things about love. I wouldn't mind if you maybe like girls instead of boys." She carefully says, watching my reaction as she talks.

"I'm not into girls, mom," I mumble.

I hate these conversations. They make me feel uncomfortable. I know I'm not gay, I think. I once liked a boy, when I was ten years old. His name was George and he lived next door. When I was ten years old, he was very pretty. We played with the ball in the garden and after that, he shared his cookie with me. Since then, there hasn't been a guy that got my attention. Maybe that doesn't mean anything, but I've never been attracted to a girl either. And the thought of kissing a girl doesn't really make me feel anything special. Kissing a guy? I think I can see myself do that if he is sweet and caring. I'm sixteen now, so I would probably know if I was into girls.

"I'm just saying, it would be okay." Mom smiles and grabs my hand to squeeze it. "Dad and I would love you just the same."

Just great, she doesn't believe me. But I let it go for now. I don't have the energy to convince her otherwise. I just squeeze her hand back as a response before getting my attention back to the movie, which is even more a blur now that I missed half of it.

"Do you want to know a secret?" Mom asks me after a few minutes of silence.

I look at her questioningly. Her eyes are shining and her face looks so happy. Like this surprise is the best one I'm ever going to have in my whole life. Her face makes me smile as well, it works contagiously.

"In four weeks, summer vacation starts. And by then, dad will be back from his mission. So we thought that would be the perfect opportunity for some family time." She says excitedly. "So I have booked us a two week vacation in Tuscany, Italy, where we are going camping!"

Mom is so excited, she starts to clap her hands. It makes me giggle. She is so sweet.

"That's great, mom. I can't wait!" I smile. She has no idea how true those words are. I can't wait to get out of this place. And what is better than going out of the country to go to Europe? And to Italy, that is just a dream come true.

"Me neither. We are going to see Rome, Siena, and Florence. And of course, there is also time to go to the beach or lay down and relax by the pool. Four more weeks, sweetie. Then it's you, me and dad, in the sun." She smiles and focuses back on the TV.

Four more weeks, Ana. Be strong. Just four more weeks.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you all so much for the positive reviews. I'm a bit shocked by how many people told me they too have been bullied or still are. I just want to say that in the end, you are the strong one. Trust me, you will be worth so much more after all of it. When I was 12, I was a victim of bullies and violence myself, all the way until I was 17. I've cried myself to sleep more times than I can count and vacations where practically my reason for living. I'm 27 now, and the insecurity stays, as do the emotional scars. But in the end I married one of the cool guys from school and we have two beautiful kids together. If I would have known that back then, it maybe would have been different. So be strong and just know that you are not the only one! If anyone feels the need to talk a little more, PM me! Together you are stronger than them. **

**This chapter contains violence, so be aware. I might post another chapter today, so keep looking out for it. Enjoy! xx **

Chapter 2: I survived.

"And please, don't forget to empty your lockers. We don't want to find old lunch meals while you are all enjoying your summer." Mr. Deidrick says, trying really hard to be heard over the noise of students who are yelling that they are finally having summer vacation.

The bell just went off for the last time this school year and to say I'm relieved is an understatement. I am ecstatic. I made it through the last four weeks and in about 48 hours I will be sitting on a plane that will take me away to Italy, far away from Leila, Lisa, and Susanna.

The last few weeks have been hell. I can't find another word to describe it. The harassments and name calling got worse. Leila spread around rumors about me, which the whole school obviously believes. She told everybody that I was offering my body, so I would have guys to protect me. Even though the rumor itself is stupid and unbelievable, there where boys coming over to me to ask what I could offer them. When I ignored them, they got mad and made fun of me.

Lisa put bubblegum in my hair, so close to my head that I had to cut it out. She thankfully put it in my neck, so you don't really notice that there is missing a string of hair. And of course, the same old things never stopped. My chair has been pulled away from under me countless of times, even when the teacher was present. They always do it at a moment when the teacher has his or her back towards the class. Of course, I don't tell them who does it, so every teacher now thinks I have trouble with sitting on my chair properly.

They also keep pulling my backpack when I'm walking the stairs, which makes me lose my balance. The fact that I can get seriously injured doesn't seem to bother them at all. And on every wall in every toilet around the school are written horrible things about me. I didn't even read all of them, because they make me sad. 'Ana knows how to work a Banana', 'Anastasia Slut' and 'For books and fucks: Ana Steele' are a few examples of what covers the wall.

But, this is the last day for a while. Because after today, I have eight weeks of peace. No school, no pain and no harassment.

"Ana, do you have a moment?" Mr. Deidrick asks when I walk past his desk, making me jump for just a second. The last few weeks I've have watched over my shoulder the whole day. My body is unbelievably tense. It is truly exhausting to be scared and feel unwanted all the time.

"Sure." I smile. I've always liked Mr. Deidrick. Maybe it is because he teaches English literature and composition, which is my favorite class. But mostly it is because he is always very easy going. His class is one of the few classes where I feel comfortable, also because Leila and her gang are not taking them.

"I just wanted to compliment you on your essay about Tess of the D'Urbervilles. You have a way of working with words that is very unique. You should do something with that talent, Ana." He says while scanning my essay that is laying in front of him.

"Thank you. I had fun writing it. It is an amazing book and my favorite since I got it from my mom and dad." I tell him. I'm happy he appreciates my essay since I've put a lot of work into it.

He smiles and nods his head in agreement. "I agree. The book is great. I look forward to seeing what you come up with next year."

"I will try my best to live up to the expectations." I giggle.

"I have no doubt you will. Enjoy your two months of freedom."

"Thank you, Mr. Deidrick. You have a nice vacation too." I smile and walk through the doors. These are the things about school I do like. The fact that people appreciate the work I deliver. It makes me feel a little bit better about myself, knowing that there is at least one thing I'm good at.

With the smile still on my face, even though my head is down, I walk around the corner where I instantly feel like I've bumped into a wall. The voice that I hear right after the impact, unfortunately lets me know that it wasn't a wall I bumped into.

"Well, well, well. What did Mr. Deidrick tell you that got you all smiley happy?" Leila asks, her finger against her lip while she looks me up and down.

I don't answer and just stay still. Even if I would answer the question she just asked me, she wouldn't listen. She isn't interested in me or what I do. She is only interested in making me feel horrible and scared.

"Oh, I know!" Lisa giggles while she strokes my hair like I am her pet. "You have a little crush on your teacher, don't you?"

My eyes widen. Is she crazy? The man is just as old as my dad. I would never have a crush on him. I simply enjoy his classes.

"Really?" Susanna smirks, also studying me for a moment. "Is that the reason why you have such good results, Ana Banana? Are you giving him something in return?"

My stomach turns around at the thought. How does she even come up with this nonsense? I look at the three of them and see them giggling like Susanne just told a very funny joke. I look around to see if there is a teacher I can go to, but the whole hallway is empty.

"Did you give his school year a happy ending, Ana?" Leila asks now, her face really close to mine.

I can only shake my head. What do you say when someone implies something like this? And what do you say when nothing is good enough? Nothing I say will make them stop. They are just getting started.

"Anyway Ana that knows how to work a Banana, we are here because we wanted to wish you a good vacation, properly. We know you probably are going to miss us, so we wanted to give you a reminder of us." Leila continues, completely in her element.

I look at them, fear washing over me. What are they going to do now? I can't let something happen again. They don't have the right to hurt me.

I look behind the three of them, at the doors that lead outside. If I am quick, I might make it outside. I know that they won't hurt me there. There are too many students that can see, probably even a few teachers that invigilate.

I take a deep breath and look at my shoes. I just have to be quick. Count and run.

The moment my feet start to move, my heart starts to beat like a maniac. My legs are running like my life depends on it, which is a little closer to the truth then I care to admit. The door is coming closer and for a moment I think I'm going to get away with this. But then I feel feet in front of my own, making me trip and fall on the floor, face first.

"I really thought you weren't that stupid." I hear Leila mumble before I feel a sharp pain in my stomach, near my hip.

I can hear Lisa and Susanna laughing. "Kick her back, Lei. To even the pain out a bit." Susanna giggles.

A moment later I feel her foot kick my lower back. I try to brace myself for the next one, expecting it on my body as well, but the three of them have other plans.

"Come on, Banana. Stand up." Lisa tells me while grabbing my hair and forcefully pulling me from the floor. Tears are streaming down my cheeks, the pain in my lower belly hurts so much, I don't even feel her pulling my hair.

"Did we made you cry, sweetheart? So sorry. Here, have some napkins." Susanna hisses before pushing so many napkins into my mouth, I gag.

Leila is watching me, a content smile on her lips like it gives her peace to see me like this. Lisa is only giggling, obviously enjoying every single thing to the fullest. And Susanna's eyes are burning holes in my face. Of all three of them, she scares me the most, by far. Something that she probably would be very proud of if she knew.

"One more thing, Ana Banana." Leila whispers close to my face. "This is only a little taste of what is waiting for you, next school year."

She lifts her fist and places it on my eyebrow with so much force, my glasses are falling off my nose in the process. My hands immediately go to the place above my eye and I instantly feel the warm blood running down.

It only makes the three of them laugh harder. Susanna pushes another napkin in my hand, probably so I can stop the bleeding. If they didn't cause the wound, I would think it was a nice gesture.

"We will miss you. Have a good vacation." Leila giggles before the three of them walk away. They probably see me fall on my knees, but they don't care. They are off home to enjoy their freedom. They don't care about me, at all.

After a moment I manage to get myself into the restroom. When I look into the mirror, I see I have a cut in my eyebrow, which is bleeding very bad. Thank god nothing else is broken in my face. My glasses are still intact as well, so at least I can get home without being almost blind.

I try to stop the bleeding with paper towels, in which I eventually succeed. With some water I clean off the blood from my face. I don't bother lifting my shirt, I will check out the damage when I get home. Because right now I just want to get away from here.

I want to go home, where my mom and dad are waiting for me. Where I can finish packing my suitcase and then have a shower to wash these horrible events of off me.

Those eight weeks couldn't come at a better time.

* * *

The moment I walk through the door, I hear giggling from the kitchen. It's my mom's giggle, and it always seems to make me smile. I dump my bag and coat on the floor and then walk into the kitchen.

There I find my mom sitting on the counter, with dad in between her legs. Dad is kissing her neck, which is what makes her giggle. Thank God they both still have their clothes on. Even though you don't want to see your parents like this, I'm happy they still love each other this much after all those years.

The moment dad looks up from mom her neck, he spots me, standing in the doorway. His face goes from happy to worried into a nanosecond, and I briefly wonder what is wrong. But then I'm reminded off what happened at school and how I probably look right now. I need to think fast here.

"What happened to you, Annie?" Dad asks while running over to where I am standing, immediately inspecting my face when he is close enough.

"I fell, just outside the door. I missed a step." I manage to get out, tears streaming down my face. It doesn't matter though, they will think it is because I hurt myself.

"Oh, sweetheart." I hear my mom mumble before she pulls me into a hug. A loving, caring, strong hug.

Dad peels her of off me a few seconds later and inspects my eyebrow again. "Are you hurt anywhere else?"

I just shake my head no, my head bowed down. I don't dare to look at them. I am afraid they will see that I'm lying. My mom never really saw it, but my dad has a nose for those things. He always could tell when I wasn't speaking the truth when I was little. I have no idea if he still can, but I'm not taking the risk.

"Let me help you get that clean." He mumbles before going to the kitchen and grabbing the small first aid kit.

"I'm so clumsy." I mumble, trying to convince them a little more I really tripped.

My mom lets out a giggle. "That's okay, sweetie. You are just like me. We are both clumsy, but that can be cute. We don't love you any less."

It makes me smile. She sounds so proud of the fact that I'm like her. That I look like her and that we are both clumsy. It makes me feel a little less horrible, knowing that she is proud of me and to hear her tell me they love me.

"Let's fix this baby up." Dad says while walking towards me, in his hands some alcohol and band-aids.

I close my eyes and let dad help me. I trust him to make it better just like he did when I was a little girl. He would always fix me up when I hurt my knees, elbows or even if I had a bloody nose. And after he helped me I always got chocolate, because I was so brave. I hope he remembers that as well.

"There we go. Like new." Dad smiles before kissing my forehead. "How about some chocolate?" He grins.

I giggle through my tears and nod my head.

He remembers.

* * *

After I had tea and chocolate with mom and dad, I told them I would go upstairs to pack the last things for Italy and take a shower.

I have just finished packing, which was really easy because all I need is some shorts, shirts, and bikinis. I'm so happy we are going to Europe. Not only because of the sightseeing, but also because I don't know anybody there. Nobody will recognize me or make fun of what I wear. Nobody will laugh when they see me in my bikini.

I'm not fat or anything, but I did hit puberty pretty young. I have breasts and curves that the other girls at school don't have. First I believed them when they said I was fat. When I told my mom I wanted to go on a diet because I thought I was getting bigger, she got mad. She explained that I wasn't fat. She told me my body was turning into a body of a woman. I was thirteen when she said that and obviously, I hated it. But now I accept it. In a few years, I am probably happy with it.

I'm standing in the bathroom in front of the mirror and I'm looking at my belly. There is a bruise from my hip to my belly button, due to the kick I received. My back thankfully doesn't show any signs of violence. I really need some arnica cream to help me with that bruise though, it will look horrible in a bikini. I also have to make sure I have a good story to explain it, because mom and dad will go insane when they see it. I'll just have to tell them it happened when I fell, and that I first didn't notice the pain because my eyebrow was bleeding. It is insane how good I am at lying to them and it breaks my heart every time I do it. The only thing that is worse than the lying though, would be telling them the truth.

When I'm standing in the shower a little later, I let the warm water pour down on me. I let my mind wander and think about the upcoming weeks. Eight weeks without school, without homework and most importantly, without Leila and her followers. For the first time since a very long time, I feel the tension leave my body. Eight weeks without bullies and pain.

And two weeks in Italy. I can't wait. We are flying tomorrow evening, and if it was up to me I would be on my way to the airport right now. I have flown before, but only short distance flights, nothing too special. Mostly when we went to Vegas to visit grandma. Everybody always thinks that is super exciting, but when you are a teenager, you really don't see anything of the hype.

I can't wait to go to Rome and Florence. I've done some research in the last three weeks, and Rome is like one big museum. On every corner, there is something historical to see. And I can't wait to see it all. My mom and dad also like history, so I just know we are going to have so much fun.

Of course, I also can't wait to relax by the pool or on the beach. The weather here in Savannah isn't bad at all. In July and August, we have warm days, but it can be very stifling and stuffy. Even though it is warm in Tuscany, the heat is completely different. I still have to make sure I don't burn, but I hope I will be able to lay in the sun for a while without being overcome by heat.

When I've washed my hair, I get out of the shower and put on my pajamas before going downstairs again. Mom and dad are still busy packing, so they ordered pizza and put it on the kitchen counter so we can help ourselves. I love these nights, where everything is chaotic and we just have a pizza and eat in front of the TV. It brings up memories.

"All done packing, sweetie?" Mom asks while she walks into the kitchen, no doubt to grab a slice as well.

I nod my head. "Ready."

"Good. I think it is best if we all have an early night. We need to be at the airport at 4:30 pm. tomorrow, and you probably don't have the best sleep on the plane."

I nod my head in agreement. I wasn't planning on going to bed late tonight, I'm tired and my body hurts. The warm shower did help a bit, but my hip and head still hurt. I just need a good night sleep and because I don't have to go to school tomorrow, I think I might actually get some good sleep tonight.

"Good, are you sure you have everything? Clothes, shoes, bikinis, books?" Mom asks, counting on her fingers if she forgot something. It makes me giggle. Mom is always nervous when we are going on vacation. She is scared that she will forget something. Like they don't have stores in Italy where she can buy everything.

"I have everything mom, don't worry." I smile.

"Are you excited?" She asks, a smile on her face as well.

"You have no idea!" I say while clapping my hands, making her laugh and shake her head before she walks to the living room to watch TV, me on her heels to join her.

She really has no idea how much I need this. How excited I am. This is going to be such an important trip. It will give me the peace to process everything that had happened this year, without worrying about mom and dad catching on something. I can just relax and keep everything in my head. This is going to be good for me.

Who knows, maybe I will come back as a completely different person. Someone who can stand up for herself.

I laugh at the thought, that probably won't happen. But I am sure that this is going to be a special trip. I feel it.

This trip is exactly what I need.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Second one for today! Please read chapter 2 first, I don't want you to miss out! Ready to have a peek in the mind of Christian? Have fun, let me know what you think and Enjoy! xx**

Chapter 3: Benvenuto.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I yell on top of my lungs, trying very hard not to grab something from my desk to throw it around the room. My hands are in fists and I so mad, I'm shaking. This is just so fucking unfair.

"Christian Grey, language!" Mom yells back just as hard. She is not impressed by my temper what so ever. If anything, it pisses her off even more. She knows exactly how to handle my temper, and it is annoying as fuck.

It is official, my parents have gone crazy. I have no idea where it went wrong, but that they went insane is for sure. They can't seriously think I am okay with all this bullshit. You think they would understand that going on vacation with mommy and daddy isn't on top of my to do list for this summer, but yet they don't seem to understand at all.

"You should be happy. Hundreds of kids are dying to go to Europe, let alone Italy. We are just a few hours from Rome and Florence, that are cities in the world people all over the States would kill for to see. And you are behaving like we are about to drag you to Antarctica. This behavior will not be tolerated, Christian." Dad says, his voice ice cold.

"Then take one of those hundred kids or other people instead of me. I am good here." I tell them. If I keep doing this long enough, I'm sure they will get sick of it and let me stay home. They just have to.

"Stop behaving like a 4-year-old. You are going with us, that is one thing that's for sure. So I suggest you start packing your bag because if you don't, I will do it for you. And trust me, I will just grab things out of your closet with my eyes closed and I will make sure you will look like a ridiculous monkey." Mom hisses, she is pissed. Good, let her feel how I feel.

"This is just fucking unfair. I don't understand why Elliot can stay home. That you trust that fucker with your house and not me, is just insulting. You do know he is going to give a party as soon as we are out the door, right? And that your bed will not stay clean in those three weeks that you spent in Italy." I say, desperately trying to change their mind. I don't care if I drag everybody along in my grave. I will fight until I can't anymore.

Elliot can stay home alone for three weeks while I have to tag along to Italy with my parents and little sister. I'm fucking 18 years old and I have to go on vacation with mommy and daddy. Why the hell they would ever think I would thank them on my bare knees that I could join them, I have no idea. I have never mentioned that I wanted to go to Italy, and it truly concerns me that they are surprised that I don't want to go. It is like they don't know me at all.

It is not necessarily that I don't want to go to Europe. It probably is a great place. And we are staying close to Rome, which is probably pretty amazing. What pisses me off though, is the fact that Elliot is staying home, and that he is going to party, drink and fuck for three weeks straight. I want that too, Goddammit.

There is also another reason I want to stay at home. And her name is Allison. I finally, after working my ass off for nine weeks, made her mine. I took her to senior prom and after that, I took her to a hotel room where she let me be her first. It took me ages, but in the end, she gave it up to me. Ever since then, she is my little puppet. And fuck it if I didn't have plans with her for this summer. Plans that my parents are now ruining.

"Listen to me and listen carefully. Elliot is two years older than you and he went with us on vacation when he graduated as well. After this year, you can do whatever the hell you want, but now you are coming with us. In two months you'll leave this house to go to college, and your mom and I wanted to close this chapter of your life in a special way. I'd never thought that you would react this way. It is just unthankful, Christian. We didn't raise you like this." Dad says. He doesn't sound pissed off. He sounds disappointed and I hate the fact that I've made him feel like that. But I also hate the fact that I have to go on a family vacation.

The worst part is that Elliot is following this whole conversation while standing in the corner of my room with a huge smile on his ugly face. He is enjoying this. He likes to see me struggle, the fucking dickhead lives for it. He couldn't stop talking about how much fun he is going to have when we are gone, about how many chicks he will fuck in this house while I'm away. And when I tried to warn mom and dad, Elliot played the perfect, grown-up son. I fucking hate him.

"Pack the bag, Christian. I'm not telling you again." Mom says while throwing my travel bag at me so it hits me in the chest before she walks out of the room. Dad follows her, right after he gave me the look. The look that tells me to stop the bullshit and just accept the facts. I know that look well, I used it all through my senior year to get what I wanted.

Elliot now sees his chance to piss me off just a little more. He walks towards me with that annoying grin on his face. "Well baby brother, I think sexy, little Allison will not be very happy with you after you tell her this."

"Shut the fuck up." I growl. He doesn't want to do this now.

"Just saying. Maybe you shouldn't tell her you're going to Italy. You do know what they say about European chicks right? I'm sure Allison knows that too." He wiggles his eyebrows.

In any other situation, I would agree with him. I have heard stories about those girls in Europe. And now that I think about it, it doesn't sound as bad as I originally thought. Laying on the beach while enjoying the view of Italian, half naked girls with tight little bodies. But there is no way in hell I will admit that now. And Allison has a very tight body too, which I'm not nearly done with.

"See, I know you are thinking about it. I bet you have forgotten about Allison the moment you step out of the plane. You are not in love with her anyway. You just wanted her because Luke wanted her as well. Trust me Chris, this Allison chick is not worth this. You want to see Italy and the chicks it offers." He winks.

I doubt he is giving this speech purely for my benefit, but I have to admit he does make me think it over. I showed Luke who is boss, which was my intention in the first place. Allison should understand it was just a fling, it was never my intention to have a whole relationship with her. It might be a little harsh for her to hear now, but I'm moving in eight weeks to go to college. She can't expect me to go there as a taken guy, I mean, all people do in college is fuck. And if mom and dad let me do my own thing in Italy, it might not be that bad to sit on the beach and watch Italian girls parade around in tiny bikinis.

Elliot smirks while he watches me think everything over, no doubt knowing exactly what is going on in my head right now.

"Keep the Grey name high, Chris." He tells me while slamming my shoulder.

Yeah, I will do just that.

* * *

After a 12 hour flight, that passed without trouble, we landed in Rome. At the airport we were greeted by a driver that drove us to our hotel that is part of a resort. It took two hours to get there, but I have to say it does look worth it.

The resort has everything you can think of. A spa, four different pools, three different restaurants, a bar, and a beach right across the road. I can get myself through those three weeks. If my parents will allow me to do it my way, that is.

When my parents have checked in, they walk towards Mia and me. We are waiting with the suitcases.

"Here we go. Room 253, 254 and 255." Mom says while handing Mia and me a key.

Wait a minute, are they fucking with us right now? They are seriously giving both of us our own room? Mom probably sees the confusion on our faces, because she giggles.

"Are you two joking right now?" Mia squeals, clapping her hands and jumping up and down like she just won the lottery. I have to admit, it does feel like that a bit, not having to share a room with mom and dad and Mia. It sounds like pure heaven.

"Your dad and I aren't complete idiots. We know you two need your own space, to have privacy. We want to enjoy this time together, but we also get it that you want to be alone sometimes." Mom says, a smile on her face.

Mia jumps over to them and hugs them like the perfect little daughter she is. She is 16 years old now but still acts like the baby. And because of that, she gets everything done. She has dad wrapped around her little finger and mom just loves her only daughter unconditionally.

"Thank you, thank you! You two are the best parents in the world." She gets more loved by the second right now.

"Yeah, thanks. Great." I mumble. I will not show them I'm excited or even thankful. They dragged me here, and even though I made peace with it, I will make them feel my anger just a little longer.

They could have mentioned the separate rooms a little sooner. I was really not looking forward to sharing a hotel room with dad, mom, and Mia for three weeks. This definitely makes those three weeks more bearable.

"Let's all go to our room to freshen up and get some rest. We've had a long journey. We will meet each other later to grab a bite. Sounds good?" Dad asks, trying really hard to make it sound like we have a choice, but I know better. We don't have a choice, so I just nod my head and follow them into the elevator.

The moment I close the door of my hotel room behind me, my eyes widen. I can definitely get myself through these three weeks. The room has big floor to ceiling windows that give a great view of the ocean, there is a huge bed to my right and the enjoined bathroom has a walk in shower. I could get used to this.

For a moment I think about calling Elliot to tell him what just happened. But I decide against it, knowing that if he'll answer, he probably will be wasted as fuck. I really don't want to be reminded of what could have happened if I was allowed to stay home.

I called Allison right after my talk with Elliot. She didn't take the fact that I went to Italy well. She also was pretty pissed at me for telling her that I didn't want anything serious with her. She went crazy, telling me I had seduced and used her. She knows she is lying, she begged me for it. She is just mad that she isn't the one that could tame me.

It makes me grin. Since the last two years, girls have the idea that they can change me. That if they try really hard, I will fall in love with them. They have hope that I will stop screwing around because I have enough with them. It is something I just don't see happening any time soon.

I enjoy my life too much as it is to give it up for some chick who says she is in love with me. Not to think about the fact that I have never felt anything for a girl I have slept with other than desire. I kind of think I can't fall in love.

When I think about my life ten years from now, I don't see myself married or happy in love. I think I just stay like this. It is so much easier. I have seen it with friends who had girlfriends. Those girls just claimed my friends like their life should only be about them. It annoyed the fuck out of me, and I wasn't even the one living like that. I just saw it happening.

I don't know what I will feel in ten years, but I do know that I will never end up with someone who wants to claim me and demands my attention as I saw with my friends. I probably will end up with someone, years from now, because that is what's expected. You'll reach a certain age and you'll get married and have kids, it's the circle of life. But I'm not giving up my life as easy. I will enjoy it first.

And enjoy is exactly what I plan on doing here since I really don't have a choice. I can only hope that I will come across some nice European girls that can get me through these next few weeks without expecting a distance relationship afterward. If the stories about them are true, I'm not expecting any major problems with that.

For now, I'll just have a shower. I'll clean myself up and get some sleep, so I will be ready to see what this place has to offer. I have one goal in mind.

Making that douchebag of a fucking brother of mine wish he was being dragged along as well.

* * *

Oh, he will wish he was here alright. When I tell him this, he will go insane. After we all had some sleep and something to eat, I was allowed to go to the beach. Mom and dad stayed at the pool and Mia is walking around the resort, probably checking out the little shops.

I'm laying on one of the beds that's reserved for hotel guests and to say it is good is an understatement. It is perfect. What a view, and by view I definitely don't mean the blue ocean just a few feet away from me.

Everywhere I look there are sunkissed girls in tiny bikinis. Some of them are sunbathing, while others play beach tennis or walk to the ocean to cool down. To be honest, I don't care what they do, as long as I get to lay here and watch them, I am happy. Some of them are aware of my gawking and smile or wave.

They are checking me out as well, and I let them look with pleasure. I haven't worked my ass off in the gym to have a look myself. I give them a smile and a nod, but I'm not being eager. They have to deserve it first.

When I'm getting a bit too hot, I decide to have a dip in the sea to cool down. I get off of my bed and walk towards the ocean, passing a few nice girls on the way. This comes close to heaven, I'm sure of it.

Just when I am about to step one foot into the water, someone bumps into my chest. When I look down, all I see is brown hair.

"Sorry." I hear a soft voice mumble from under the hair before the girl walks past me, not even bothering to look up. In her arms a book that she presses against her belly like she is afraid to lose it.

I watch her walk away, and I'm stunned by the little body the brown-haired girl has. Round full ass, nice hips, and curvy lines. I appreciate it. I see her walk towards a towel that is laying on the sand. When she reaches it, she lays on her belly and starts reading the book she clenched in her arms moments ago.

She's got a pale skin, which either means she doesn't sunbathe or she just arrived here as well. Since her towel lies in the sun completely, I think it's the latter. Her hair is long and reaches her lower back. I just keep staring at her, looking at her body, watching her read. I'm intrigued and fuck knows why.

After standing at the foot of the sea for a good minute or two, I decide I made a fool out of myself more than enough. I get into the water and dive, enjoying the refreshment of the cold water. When I come up for air, I see the girl had turned around and is now laying on her back. Her perfect tits on display in her bikini top. Fuck me does she look good. Taut yet soft belly, legs to die for. I can get used to this view. The only thing that is bothering me is a huge bruise on her hip all the way to her bellybutton. How the hell do you get a bruise like that on that place?

She is still reading her book, which she is holding in front of her face. I'm curious about her face, and I silently ask her to drop the book for just a moment. Like she has heard my unspoken question, she drops her book for just a second to look around. And my breathing instantly hitches.

Fuck. Me. Sideways.

Who are you, blue-eyed girl? And how can I get to know you?


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Let's see what happens next. I'm posting two chapters again, so first read this one and then the next. Thank you all so much for your reviews, keep them coming! I love them. Enjoy! xx**

Chapter 4: Courage.

When we arrived at the place where we are staying for two weeks, I was pleasantly surprised. I was a little afraid that mom and dad would let me stay in a tent, considering mom told me we were going camping. But thankfully they rented a mobile home with two bedrooms, a kitchen, shower, and a toilet, which is standing on a campsite.

On the campsite there is a swimming pool, a restaurant, an animation team, and right next to the campsite lies a big resort. As guests of the campsite, we are allowed to use the swimming pools and other facilities of that resort as well.

After we all unpacked the suitcases, mom and dad decided to go to the supermarket and get food and drinks. Dad wants to light the barbeque tonight so they are buying everything we need for that. I didn't feel like tagging along, so I told them I was going to look around a bit. While I walked around the campsite, I saw the beach right across the road.

It is 34 degrees Celsius and I didn't have to think twice. I changed into my bikini, grabbed a big towel and my book and I'm now sunbathing on my belly while reading Pride and Prejudice. Even though I have read the book three times already, it's still sucking me in. I love it. And because I know what will happen, I can sometimes let my mind wander.

I can think about everything that has happened at school this year. It has been so difficult and I really need time to process it. The hurt, the pain, and the humiliation, I need to try and give it a place. It is emotionally exhausting and because I can't talk to anyone about it, I feel lonely. I have to do it all alone. Telling mom and dad is no option what so ever. They will be heartbroken. Not only because of what I went through, but also because they will be disappointed that I didn't tell them sooner. And dad will probably pay Leila, Lisa, and Susanne a visit, which will only make their hate bigger. I can't risk that.

And then to think that I need to reload for next year. I need to toughen up, find the strength and make sure I will not let their words or actions hurt me. After two years, it is enough. I need to stand up for myself and make an end to the pain they cost me. I have no idea how I'm going to do it, but I do know I have time to think about it now. Time alone, with my books while relaxing on the beach. You would think that something good would come out of it if I try hard enough.

I have just finished my chapter, when I decide to cool down a bit in the water. I walk to the shoreline, book in my hands because I'm not taking the risk, and let my feet pedal in the sea. I look out over the blue sea, the light breeze touching my skin and making my hair blow around. For the first time, I feel a strange sort of peace wash over me. It has been so long since I felt like this. My body is so used to stand on guard, I have to force myself to let it all out. It is harder than I thought it would be, but I feel like I'm making process.

When I have cooled down enough, I walk back to my towel again. I just took three steps when I walk into someone pretty hard. Instantly I bow my head and mumble a sorry before walking further, not bothering to look up. It is like everything I've been through made me socially awkward. I'm just so scared, I can't even normally apologize. I almost sprint back to my towel and lay on my belly, nose in my book and hoping the person will not come after me to ask me what the hell that was.

To my relieve, nobody bothers me. I guess the person didn't even notice me, which I wished would happen at school. I wished they didn't notice me, at all. That they'd just let me be and all minded their own business. I guess I wish I was invisible.

A few minutes later I turn to my back, my bag behind me so I can sit up a little bit. I have read about one page when I feel like I'm being watched. First I hope it are mom and dad that are watching me, but I feel they're not it. I have an uneasy feeling, and it makes me very aware of myself. When I drop my book and look around to see what costs the uneasy feeling, I see it is coming from the sea. From a guy with copper hair and piercing grey eyes, that are looking at me. Well, more like staring at me. Without blinking.

I instantly look at my book again, feeling my cheeks go red. I feel so uncomfortable. I bet he is the one I bumped into, and he is now mad because of my reaction. That I didn't apologize properly. That's why he is looking at me like that. Even in a completely different country, I manage to get people to have a problem with me. That must be a talent somewhere. I am such an idiot, I really can't do anything right.

For a moment I think about walking to him and apologize again, properly and understandably this time. The idea scares me to death, but it also might be a good challenge. To get more confidence. And maybe it makes things right and he will stop looking at me like he did. And still does, I'm sure of it even though I don't see it because my eyes are on the pages again. He is still looking. I feel it.

I take a deep breath and give myself a pep talk. I just have to put my book down, walk back to the shore and tell him I am sorry for bumping into him. He will tell me it is okay and then I can go back to my towel and read my book. And I will feel much better about myself after it.

The moment I have enough courage to do it, I lower my book to make my way to the sea, I get yet another shock. The guy is not swimming in the sea anymore. He is standing at my feet, looking at me with an unreadable expression on his face. Shit, I am too late, he is already here to ask for an explanation. I don't understand how people can be so forward. I would never just stand at the foot of someone's towel without making yourself known.

Just as I'm about to apologize, and if necessary beg for forgiveness, he speaks.

"Ciao, English?" He asks me, still a very neutral, almost emotionless look in his face.

"Um, yes. Sorry for bumping into you and not properly apologizing. It wasn't my intention to be so rude. I just wanted to get back to my towel and I was a bit lost in my thoughts." I tell him, talking way too fast. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't understand a word I just said.

I look at him and see a small smile on his lips. I'm not sure what it means. It really could mean anything. Either he laughs because he thinks it is funny how fast I talk or he is about to make fun of me, probably for the same reason.

"It's okay. You didn't hurt me, don't worry. Are you from the States?" He asks, bending through his knees so he is at eye level. It confuses me. Does he want to make conversation? Why would he want that?

He looks a little older than me. And he looks good. At least, better than the guys at my school. I guess he is handsome. Which confuses me even more. Why is he talking to me while there are about twenty thin girls on this beach that are way prettier than me? And probably also have more interesting things to tell him.

I decide to be polite and answer his question since he is looking at me expectantly. "Yes, from Savannah."

"Ah, Georgia. Nice there?" He asks, sounding interested.

"Yeah. It's okay." I say while forcing a smile. If only he knew.

He nods his head and smiles. His eyes never leaving me, like he is searching for something. After a few moments, he speaks again.

"Are you staying at the resort?"

I think he really wants to make conversation, else he wouldn't be so interested. The reason for his interest is something I have to guess about, but it does feel nice to talk to someone besides my parents who is trying to get to know me.

"No. I'm staying at the campsite next to the resort." I tell him, sitting up a bit so I can look at him a little better.

"Ah, okay. What's your name?" He asks, still not making the impression he is planning on leaving.

"Anastasia. But my friends call me Ana." I tell him. It makes me chuckle a bit. I wish I had friends that called me Ana.

He nods his head and then looks at me again. After seconds he smirks. "Aren't you going to ask me something as well?"

Jesus, I'm so socially awkward I can't even talk to someone like a normal person. He must think I am the most uninterested person in the whole world. Classic nerd move, Ana. Great job. This is the reason why you are alone all the time.

"Right, sorry. What is your name?"

"Christian." He says while holding out his hand for me to shake. "Nice to meet you."

I grab his hand to shake it, and the moment I touch it I feel a shock. I feel it tingle while it makes its way through my whole body. My eyes widen and when I look at him I can see he feels it too. He looks at our hands, puzzled for a moment before pulling his hand away from mine and then looking at his hand if he sees evidence of what just happened.

"So, how long did you say you're staying here?" He asks me, still looking a bit confused. He also sounds a little distracted.

"I didn't say. But I'm staying here for two weeks. I arrived this morning."

He nods his head and then stands like he has enough information and is now ready to leave.

"Cool. Well, I'll see you around then. Enjoy the sun." He winks before walking away to one of the beds to my right, in the private area of the resort. He doesn't even wait for me to give a reply.

I just nod my head and give him a small wave. I have no idea what to think about this whole conversation. The only thing I do know is that I acted like some lunatic. I haven't asked him anything in return, which is probably why he walked away. He didn't get any response, not one indication that I enjoyed talking to him.

Which I surprisingly did. Even though it was super awkward from my part, it still felt good to talk to someone of my own age, without being judged or bullied. And it was a fairly positive conversation as well. It even gives me a little hope that I can be normal, even if it's just for these two weeks.

I look at Christian one more time, who is staring at the sea, looking very content. He is good looking. He looks like he works out a lot and he is confident. He is at ease with himself, I can tell by his whole appearance. On my school, he would definitely be one of the popular guys. Which at the same time means he would never have talked to me if he went there.

But here, on a beach in Tuscany, he did talk to me for a few minutes, and I find myself smiling because of it.

* * *

Later that day, mom, dad, and I are sitting on the porch in front of the mobile home. My dad is baking burgers on the barbeque, while mom and I are already are sitting at the table, waiting for the food to be ready. There are salad and bread on the table as well and I am allowed to drink one white wine along with my mom. Normally that would be out of the question, but to celebrate the vacation, mom and dad made an exception. I feel like a grown up.

"Did you had fun on the beach, sweetie? I see you have got a tiny tan already." Mom smiles while pulling my tank top to the side to look at the pale skin my bandeau bikini left.

"A bit. I used a lot of sunscreen though, so I don't burn." I say. Dad was already on the brick of lecturing me about protecting my skin against the sun, but I see him nod his head so I think I saved myself a speech.

After a few moments, dad also takes place at the table, burgers on a plate. He gives both mom and me one before taking one himself. I start eating immediately, even though it is still hot. I am hungry.

"Do we have plans for tomorrow?" Mom asks, looking at me and dad in question.

I shake my head no before looking at dad, who is also shaking his head. I wouldn't mind laying on the beach and relax for another day. I can tell I have to acclimatize and we did have a long flight. One more day of rest before going out would be nice.

I can tell mom can read my face, because she smiles before talking again. "How about we stay here tomorrow, so we can catch up on some energy, and the day after tomorrow we go to Florence?"

"Sounds great." Dad says excitedly. Dad is planning on doing absolutely nothing this vacation. And I'm glad he takes some rest. On missions, he is very busy and it asks a lot from him. Mentally and physically. He deserves a break.

"I can use a day rest as well." I smile. Who knows, maybe Christian will be at the beach tomorrow as well, and I get a chance to ask him a little more if I find the courage to do so.

"Than that's settled." Mom smiles before taking a bite. "Did you had a chance to look around the campsite a bit Annie? Do you think you can keep entertained for the next two weeks while being here?"

I smile and nod my head. "I think so. The beach is very nice and just beautiful. There is an animation team that organizes some activities, like a bonfire and a dance night. Oh, and they organize this kind of treasure hunts on some evenings, where you can get to know the surroundings a little bit. It sounds fun."

I have no idea if I will ever attend one of those activities, but it is nice to know there are other teenagers here, else they wouldn't organize things like that. Maybe it is good for me to go one night, to try and make some contacts. I know mom and dad would like me to go. Not to get rid of me, but because they would like it if I have some people to hang out with.

I would be okay with my books and with them, but I do know that I should also enjoy my time here in Italy. This is an opportunity you don't get every year. I guess we will see if I can find the bravery to go.

"That sounds like fun. When I was young we always did treasure hunts on vacation. It wasn't on a location like this, but we had the most fun. I think that's the reason I'm in the military now. I always enjoyed the adventure." Dad says.

I smile and listen to dad while he tells a story about his youth. I always liked listening to dad. He can tell stories in a way that makes you feel you are there. And he tells it in a funny way as well. He never fails to make me laugh, even on my darkest days.

The rest of the night continues like that. Mom and dad telling stories, and me listening with open mouth. They really had a great time when they were my age. They enjoyed their lives as teenagers. I envy the life they had. I wish I had it too. That I can look back in ten years and think about the great times I had. That I can tell my kids stories just like this, if I'll ever have kids that is.

I can start by making memories here, in Italy. Nobody knows the Ana from Savannah. I can be a completely different person here. Someone that isn't bullied and hated. The only thing I have to have is faith. Faith in myself, in that I am an interesting and nice person to spend time with.

It will be difficult, but I have to try. If I fail, then that doesn't matter. I can get on the flight back in two weeks and leave everything behind me. I can pretend it never happened and go back to Ana Banana. But right now, while I'm here in Italy, I just have to go out there and see what Tuscany has to offer. I have to trust myself and mostly, I need to have the courage.

I'm here now, so let's just go with it.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Number 2 for today! Read chapter 4 before you'll read this one, it would be a shame if you missed out! Have a nice Saturday, see you tomorrow and Enjoy! xx**

Chapter 5: Marshmallows and fire.

I can't believe how a day can pass by so quickly while doing absolutely nothing. It scares me a bit, to be honest. If every day of this vacation will pass so fast, I'll be back in Savannah in no-time. The thought makes me nauseous.

Today mom, dad and I just stayed by the pool of the campsite. We first walked over to the pool area of the resort, but it was very crowded there. The pool on the campsite wasn't, so we were able to get some lounge beds for ourselves.

It was the perfect day. Mom and I participated in the aqua sports lesson the animation team organized in the pool this morning. It was hilarious and we want to do it every morning so we at least move a bit this vacation. Dad made pictures of us while sitting on his lounge bed, laughing at us.

The rest of the day I read, swam when I was too warm from laying in the sun and played beach tennis with my dad. We have set the record on 78, but of course, we will try and improve that record for the entire vacation. I almost finished Pride and Prejudice, so I'm very glad I took four other books with me. Even though we won't lay at the pool or on the beach every day, I still have a feeling I will read a lot while I'm here.

The moment I walked out of my small bedroom in my bikini this morning, mom saw the bruise on my hip. She was shocked and immediately came over to inspect it up close. I, of course, had already made up a whole story in my mind, so I was able to effortlessly tell her what I wanted her to believe had happened. Mom believed me and got me another cream, that she thought might help. Dad also inspected the bruise when he came out of the bathroom a few minutes later. When mom told him what I had told her about the what cost the bruise, he looked at me in a way that worried me. I think he could tell that the bruise wasn't cost by a fall.

I was right because when mom left to get drinks this afternoon, dad asked me about my bruise and what had really cost it. I almost panicked, almost. But I managed to take a deep breath and tell him yet another lie. I said it had happened in my gym class. That we were practicing self-defense and that my partner was a bit too rough with me, completely unintentional. Dad cursed and said something about 'them teachers that need to get their eyes out of their asses', but he did believe me. When he asked why I lied to mom, I just told him I didn't want mom or him to call the school to complain about it. He believed it again and we haven't talked about it anymore after that.

It makes me feel horrible to lie, twice. And I'm afraid I will screw up at some point. I'm creating a web of lies, and I have to make sure I remember every lie in detail, else mom and dad will find out something is wrong. I just hope that for the duration of this trip, I will not have to answer any more questions regarding this subject. I think that won't be a big problem since there won't be any new bruises in the next few weeks.

Right now, we just had dinner and mom and dad are going to have a walk on the beach. They asked me to join them, but I told them I didn't come. I think they would have more fun alone while making a romantic walk. And I have plans. Tonight the animation team organizes a bonfire on the beach, and I thought I would go and check it out. If I feel uncomfortable, I can always leave, but I promised myself to go out of my comfort zone. And I will start by going to the bonfire.

Before dinner, I had a shower and I carefully choose what to wear so I don't look like a clown. I'm wearing jeans shorts and a white t-shirt with a green bomber jack and my white All-Stars. Even though they are completely trampled, they just feel like slippers. I think I look normal, which is exactly what I need. My hair is down and I'm wearing a black baseball cap, which makes me feel a little more comfortable. Along with my glasses, I feel like I am able to hide a little when I'm wearing it.

Mom and dad left thirty minutes ago, and in ten minutes the bonfire starts, so I decide to go as well. From our mobile home to the beach it is just a few minute walk, so I'll be on time. While walking, I feel the nerves starting to come. I just hope I will be able to talk to people. I'm not going to sit there alone, that would just be sad and embarrassing. I just have to promise myself that if I haven't spoken with anyone after being there for fifteen minutes, I'll go back. Then I will just read the last three chapters of my book before going to bed.

When I arrive at the beach, I see the fire has already started and that there are a few people already. By the looks of it, everybody is about the same age as me. That is something that gives me even more nerves. I have always been better at making contact and talking to people who are older. Probably because of my experiences with people of my own age.

When I stand close to the fire, I look at the big flames. It is soothing and I can look at it for hours. It's almost like they are dancing, using the crackling of the wood as their rhythm.

"Enjoying the fire?" I hear someone ask behind me, successfully getting my thoughts back to the here and now.

When I look behind me, I see Christian standing there. He is wearing jeans and a white t-shirt that fits him perfectly. He looks like the ultimate boy next door. I can easily see him as captain of the football team and heartthrob of the school. Which is why I find myself asking why he wants to talk to me yet again.

If he knew who I was and what I am on school back home, I am sure he would turn around and walk away as fast as possible. It is what everybody does. All the other kids at school don't want to be seen with me because they fear the reaction of Leila and her followers. They rather ignore me and pretend they don't see what is happening, then help me and taking the risk they will be the next target. Christian would do exactly the same.

"Yooo, anybody home?" Christian says while waving his hand in front of my face just a little too close, making me jump backward in defense like he wants to punch me. The moment I do so, his eyes widen and his hands grab my arms.

"Jesus, watch out for the fire!" He says, pulling me towards him and away from the high flames of the bonfire. Classic Ana. Classic. Why the hell do I have to be so scared of everything?

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Are you okay?" He asks after a few seconds. Seconds in which I just look at him, waiting for him to let go of my arms.

"Yeah, I'm fine. You just scared me a bit." I mumble.

He frowns and then let's go of my arms. "By waving at you?"

He sounds confused. Of course he is, he doesn't understand how a simple wave of the hand can make someone jump up like they are waving with a gun.

"Yeah um, I didn't expect you to do that so close to my face." I chuckle softly. This is so embarrassing.

"Right, sorry again. I was just glad to see someone familiar. I missed you at the beach today." He says, a small smirk on his face.

He miss me at the beach today? As in he missed me or he missed me because I wasn't there when he was there? Probably the latter, he doesn't know me. Why the hell would he miss me? We had a conversation briefly, in which I wasn't very interested in him. He is just a charmer, that smirk can probably get everything done.

"I was at the pool of the campsite with my parents. We managed to get lounge beds there, so we stayed until dinner." I tell him. "You were at the beach?"

He looks surprised by my question. He probably didn't think I had it in me. It makes me giggle, which makes him chuckle in return.

"How nice of you to ask. I was at the beach this morning. After that, I went to Piombino with my parents and sister. We looked around and had dinner there. Piombino is the harbor, about twenty minutes from here. Have you been there already?"

I shake my head and take a step to the left and then turn around so I am standing next to him. We both look at the fire. There are a lot more people standing around the fire now, and the animation team is giving everybody marshmallows.

"Nice huh. I like bonfires. I used to make them with my granddad and brother." He mentions, taking a seat in the sand as he does.

For a moment I debate what to do. If I keep standing here, he would probably think I am crazy, but he maybe doesn't want me to take a seat next to him. Because I'm not comfortable looking down at him while we talk, I decide to have a seat. If he doesn't appreciate it, he will walk away. Luckily for me, he just smiles at me when he sees me sitting next to him.

"That's great. I've never been to one. This is the first. So you have a brother and a sister?" I ask him, trying to get this conversation going. I think I'm doing okay and I am having fun, even though I still find it weird to talk like this.

"Yeah, older brother, younger sister. There are two years between each of us." He says, never taking his eyes off me.

"How old are you?" I am curious about this. He looks like he is about my age, but he could be older.

"I turn 19 in 12 days, on June 18th. You?"

19\. Wow. He turns 19 on the day I leave Italy. That means he is in college. "I'm sixteen. My birthday is in September." I tell him.

He nods and then stays silent. We sit next to each other, watching the fire. After two minutes or so, one of the guys of the animation team offers me some marshmallows. I take them and also give Christian a couple.

"You know, I once managed to stuff nine marshmallows in my mouth." He says proudly and out of nowhere. It makes me laugh.

"Why the hell would you do that?" I ask him, still laughing. I even snorted a bit at the end of my sentence, which made him raise his eyebrow in surprise before laughing as well.

"It was a bet. My brother got to seven. If I managed to get in more than him, I could have his new Nike shoes. I walked around on the newest Nikes, proud as hell. My brother almost cried. It was epic." He tells me, obviously still very proud of himself.

"Well, good for you. I hope you enjoyed them for a long time." I chuckle.

He nods his head while popping a marshmallow in his mouth. "I did." He mumbles in the meantime.

Again we are silent. Across from us are sitting two girls, I think just a little older than me. Both of them are wearing dresses that are so short, you can see their underwear. Underwear that I would never call underwear by the way. It is just a piece of fabric with a string that meets at each end. It doesn't look classy at all.

They are trying to get Christian's attention, and by the look on his face, they succeed. He has seen them, I can tell. Of course, he sees them. Even though they are dressed a little trashy, they are still pretty. They have long hair, clean faces and they have a nice tan. It actually surprises me a bit he hasn't excused himself yet to sit with them.

When we ate our marshmallows, he speaks again while standing up.

"You wanna grab a drink? There is a bar by the pool area at the resort, you can sit there as well. It is not very crowded."

He holds out his hand for me to take expectantly. I think about it for a moment while watching the girls one more time. They are looking at me with envy in their eyes, which is definitely a first for me. I should just take this opportunity, it is just a drink.

"Okay." I tell him after a few seconds, grabbing his hand in the process and letting him help me from the sand. The moment I stand steady, I let go of his hand. I felt it again, that shock. I went straight through me again. I have never felt it before and it confuses me.

We walk over the road and onto the resort. When we reach the pool area, I take a seat at a table in the corner, next to some palm trees.

"What are you having?" He asks me.

"A Sprite would be nice." I tell him with a smile.

He smiles back and nods his head before walking towards the bar to get our drinks. Nobody has ever bought me a drink before, except for my parents of course. And now a boy is buying me a drink while I'm sitting at a table in the pool area of a very luxurious resort. This keeps getting weirder by the minute. I really hope that this isn't some cruel joke of him.

I don't have long to dwell on that thought, because Christian is back with our drinks just a few moments later. A Sprite for me and a beer for him.

"You don't drink alcohol?" He asks me, seeing me look at his beer just a little too long.

"It's not that I don't drink it. I had a glass of wine last night. But my parents don't really want me to drink until I'm 18. Actually, 21 if they have it their way." I chuckle and take a sip of my cold Sprite, which is very welcomed after those sugar bombs of marshmallows.

"Yeah, tell me about it. My parents kind of accepted the fact that they can't control what I drink anymore. It does help that my brother already prepared them a bit when he was 18, so I do get a little more done than him back then." He grins.

I nod my head. "Yeah, that must be nice. I am an only child, so I don't have that luxury, unfortunately."

Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like. To have a brother or sister. Not only because of the reasons Christian just described, but also in terms of the bullies. Would they still do it if they knew I had an older brother? Who knows, maybe that would have scared them.

"Can I ask you something personal?" Christian suddenly asks. I'm immediately on high alert, what does he want to know?

"What do you want to ask?" I ask him. I can always refuse to answer the question if it is too personal.

He looks at me for a moment, trying to read my reaction. Then he talks, very carefully. "Yesterday I noticed the bruise on your hip. It looked fresh. What happened?"

My cheeks instantly turn red and I feel like I'm turning white as a sheet at the same time. Damn it. Why does he have to ask this question? I thought he was going to ask me something about sex. That would have been so much better.

"I had an accident in gym class." I tell him. It is easy to remember that one because I told my dad the same thing. Can't really go wrong with that.

He looks at me, his eyes a bit unreadable again. I think he doesn't believe me and for a moment I think he will ask more to get to the truth. But then he surprises me.

His eyes look at me, almost like he feels sorry. "Sucks right? I can't count the times I had a bruise because of gym class."

He knows I'm lying, I can tell by the way he looks at me. But I'm thankful he doesn't ask more and just accepts the fact I don't want to tell him what really happened. It is a relieve, but at the same time, I'm a bit stunned he is able to read me so well, after just meeting me yesterday. Even my mum doesn't see it when I lie and she knows me better than anyone else. Yet this guy just knows by looking at me.

The rest of the evening we just talk about nice things, nothing too deep. He tells me about sports, I tell him about books. We are just getting to know each other and I'm having a good time. Before I know it, it is almost midnight and the bar is closing.

"Let me take you home." Christian says while standing and again offering me his hand again.

I take it, and the moment I stand I want to pull away like before. But he doesn't let me. He keeps holding my hand while he walks to the entrance of the campsite like it is the most natural thing to do. It gives me a warm feeling. He wants to hold my hand. That means he isn't ashamed of me or anything, right?

"You have to lead the way." He smirks.

I nod my head and walk us to the mobile home. When we arrive there, I see the little light next to the door is on, which means my parents are already in bed. We agreed that they would leave the light on for when I come back, so I will be able to see something.

"This is me." I nod to the small home before stopping at the foot of the porch.

"Looks cute. You do have your own shower and stuff right?" He asks, his face in a frown like he can't believe people really use the public toilets and showers.

"Yes. Thankfully we have." I giggle. I completely agree with his expression. I really wouldn't want to share a toilet with people I don't know.

"Good. Else you could have showered with me. I have a walk in shower at my room in the hotel." He says.

My eyes widen immediately. Shower with him? Oh my God. Does he want to have a shower with me?

The moment he sees my wide eyes and perplexed face, he talks again, holding up his hands almost in an apologetic way.

"Fuck, I mean you could have used my shower, without me in it. Sorry, that sounded very forward. Jesus. I meant that you could have showered in my shower, while I would wait outside." He tells me with a chuckle.

I think he said it on purpose and just wanted to see my reaction. When he saw my eyes widen, he pretended to mean it differently. He probably had a lot of shower sessions with girls. It gives me an unsettling thought.

"Oh, yeah. Well, that's not necessary, thanks though."

He nods his head and smiles. We stand there for a minute. I'm not really sure what to do now, I have never been in a situation like this before. How are we supposed to say goodbye?

"So, I'm just going to go." I say, stepping onto the porch.

He nods his head. "Yeah. I had fun. See you around right? Like maybe tomorrow?"

That makes me smile. I would love to see him tomorrow. I had fun tonight and I wouldn't mind talking to him again. He makes me feel at ease and normal. Like I'm a fun person to be around with.

"My parents and I are first going to Florence. But I can meet you at the pool bar after dinner? Around 8?" I tell him, hoping he would agree with my proposal.

"Great! See you tomorrow then. Sleep well, Ana." He says before giving me a wave and then walking away. In seconds he is out of view because it is so dark outside. And there isn't any light that shines on the small paths.

I'll see him again, tomorrow. Is this a date? I think it kind of is. I think I just planned my first date. And I was the one that suggested the time and place. It is like I feel more confident already, but that might be because Christian is so easy going.

He makes me feel at ease and he respects it when I don't want to tell him something. I just enjoyed spending time with him, and I think he also enjoyed himself tonight. I hope tomorrow will be just as nice as today.

I have a date. My first date. In Italy, at a pool bar. With a very, very cute guy. Who is also very nice and even sweet.

I really wonder what mom and dad will think of this one.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Happy Sunday! I am a bit late with posting this one, but I had a busy day! I've joined Facebook yesterday, so if you want you can find me there. My name on there is Mie LouLou. I also wanted to thank everybody for the nomination and the votes I got in the Facebook group Top Five FSOG Stories for fanfiction of the month. My story The Gazelle and the Lion is nominated for the month February! You should really join that group if you want to discover new reading material, I have found so many stories I haven't read before, love it! So, on with the show. Please review and as always; Enjoy! xx **

Chapter 6: Sunset.

"This is amazing." I mumble to my mom while looking at the Ponte Vecchio.

I have seen this bridge so many times in books and I have heard about it during classes, and now I'm standing in front of it, ready to walk over it.

We are in Florence and we just saw the Cathedral of Florence; the Duomo. It is such an impressive building, so big and the inside is amazing. I walked around for ninety minutes before dad practically dragged me out of there. There was so much history inside, along with beautiful paintings in the dome of the cathedral. I just didn't know where to look.

After dad dragged me outside, we had lunch at a tiny restaurant on the Piazza Della Signoria. I shared a pizza with mom while looking at all the historical things Florence has to offer. Dad took a lot of pictures of mom and me. I hope he made just as many of everything around us.

And now I'm behind mom and dad, walking over the Ponte Vecchio. There are small little shops on the bridge and it is loaded with tourists. It is one of the big eye catchers of Florence, and I completely understand why. It is just so unique. You definitely don't find this in Savannah.

The bridge has a romantic atmosphere, probably because it is so old. And also because ninety percent of the shops are jewelers. I see a lot of couples, picking out rings or necklaces. They all look so in love. This is definitely a place that could be used in a story about romance.

"And Annie, what do you think?" Dad asks while taking yet another picture from me, probably with wide eyes and mouth open.

"This is so unique. Can you believe this bridge is over 600 years old? Just amazing." I'm beaming and I know it.

Dad smirks at puts his arm around me to pull me closer and kisses me on the head. "I'm so happy that you appreciate history and things like this. You are a smart girl, sweetie."

It makes me smile. Dad loves culture and history, just like me. I think I got it from him. Mom also likes it, but more because she watches movies where important buildings are shown, and then she wants to see them for real. She is not really interested in how it was made or when it was used and for what it was used. It's really the perfect combination though. One tells me the history, one the present. And I just soak everything up, eager to know as much as possible.

"Is there anything else you want to see, Annie?" Mom asks when we are walking off the bridge into the small streets of Florence.

"Only Santa Croce. I think that, after that, we've seen every important place here." I tell her.

"Good. I'm ready to dip in the pool." Dad says while moving his hand over his forehead to wipe away the sweat.

It is very warm right now. It is about 2 pm. and it is the hottest time of the day. I could use a cooling down as well. Thank God mom and dad rented a car with air-conditioning, else it would have been hell. So, we can look forward to the ride back to the campsite.

"Let's go to Santa Croce and then we'll leave. We will be in time to take a dive in the sea and then we can eat something in one of the restaurants at the resort. Is that okay?" Mom says, trying to get dad into one final visit.

Dad and I both nod our head in agreement and then walk through the streets to the next destination. After this day, I can only say one thing. I love Florence. And I might even buy one of those sweaters so everybody can see.

* * *

After a quick dive in the ocean and a shower, mom, dad, and I are now sitting at one of the restaurants at the resort. I ordered a pasta along with mom and dad went for the steak with fries. Fries, he will choose it over anything else, even when he is in Italy.

We are waiting for our food while we already have our drinks. We are still talking about Florence. It really was perfect, and it makes me wonder how I will react when I'm in Rome. That must be even more amazing. We have decided to go to Rome next week, to even the trips out a bit. And also because it is very warm, you just can't be busy every day of the week.

"Did you have fun last night, sweetie? Dad and I came home around 10.30 and you weren't back yet." Mom says. Not in a nosy way, I can tell she really is interested.

But that might change when I tell her who brought me back around midnight. For a moment I think about lying about it, but I'm lying about my whole life back home. I want to be able to tell the truth for once. And it isn't a big thing. I just met a guy and we talked and then he walked me home afterward.

"I had. There was a huge bonfire, which was pretty spectacular. And I met a guy and he is from the States as well. We had fun and talked. Before I knew it, it was almost midnight." I tell them, as careless as possible. I don't want them to go all crazy.

"A guy, you say." Mom says looking very surprised.

I roll my eyes. I just can't help it. She really thinks I like girls. "Yes, mom, a guy. He was very nice and we talked about books and sports. I'm meeting him again after dinner, if that's okay with you, of course."

Now, dad joins the conversation as well, playing the part of overprotected dad faultless. "And what is this boy's name? What is his age? Where does he stay and with who?"

It makes me giggle. I never thought I would have a conversation like this with my parents. Yet here I am, and they are acting like he wants to marry me.

"We just talked dad, nothing too big. I think we can be friends and hang out while we're here. His name is Christian and he is 18 years old. He is staying at the hotel on the resort with his parents and younger sister." I tell him. For some reason, I feel my cheeks getting a bit hotter, and this time it is not because I feel humiliated. It's because I'm talking about Christian, and while I do that, I feel a little tingle in my belly. It scares and amazes me at the same time.

Dad nods his head and mom claps her hands. She is truly happy that I've met someone to spend time with while I'm here. Back home, I obviously never take friends home. She once asked me why not, and I told her that we mostly just hang out after school. I pretended that chilling at home isn't something cool these days. Which is why I've spent a good amount of time in the library after school, because I was supposed to be hanging around with friends. I don't mind to spent time there though, that place is next to my house my only safe haven. Leila doesn't come there, she probably doesn't even know the location.

"Well, make sure he behaves, Annie. You can say no to anything. Just make sure he respects you." Dad nods, making me choke on the sip I took before he started talking.

Mom is sitting next to him, giggling like a teenage girl. Sometimes it's like she is my age and stuck in a grown-up body.

"Dad!" I say while pushing his shoulder in the process. "We are just friends, I think. I mean I know him for a few hours."

"That doesn't matter. We all know about a sweet summer romances." Mom pipes up while wiggling her eyebrows.

Dad looks a bit pissed at mom now. "Which is why I want her to be careful." He hisses at her.

It is actually funny. Mom is almost encouraging me to start a summer romance, and dad really doesn't want me to start one. I can see them look at each other, mom challenging dad to make her stop cheering. And all that while I told them that we just talked.

"Don't worry. I'll be careful." I tell dad.

Right after I say it, our food arrives. It is really the perfect timing. I hope the conversation will be about something else now. I don't know why, but talking about Christian makes me a little nervous. Just thinking about him makes me nervous really. It is a new experience and I don't know what I think of it.

He nods his head. "Good. Now let's eat. I'm starving."

"You're always starving. After this vacation, it's going to be vegetables and water, Mr. Steele." Mom says while softly slapping dad's belly a few times.

Dad isn't fat or anything, but when he comes back from a mission, he always tends to eat a bit too much. He says it's because he always misses mom's cooking while he is away. It's understandable, and he will lose the extra few pounds in no time when he starts working out and getting ready for another mission.

"Oh baby, you love it. It gives you that little bit extra." Dad smirks before kissing mom's now red cheek. I just shake my head and focus on my pasta for a moment while silently taking a bite.

I love them to death and I'm so happy they still flirt with each other, but seeing them do it is kind of embarrassing. Especially when they can't seem to keep their hands to themselves. Thank god they don't do that now. That would be something.

"You can look at us again, Annie." Mom smirks. She knows what I think about their teasing.

"Thank god. You are giving me a whole talk about behaving myself and then you two are doing that, right in front of me. It's a bit nauseating." I giggle. They know I don't mean it, but I like the banter that will follow.

Dad laughs. "Wait until that Christian boy flirts with you. I bet you'll feel a lot of things, accept nauseating."

Oh, God. Here we go again.

* * *

Right after dinner, mom and dad leave to go home and I walk to the pool area. To my surprise, Christian is already sitting at one of the tables, a beer in front of him. The moment he spots me, a huge smile appears in his face. It makes me blush again. He looks so happy to see me, I never get this reaction when I see someone.

"Hi! How was Florence?" Christian asks the moment I'm close enough.

It makes me smile. He remembered that I was going to Florence today.

"So amazing. You really should go there. The Ponte Vecchio is very impressive as is the Cathedral. I think you'll like it as well." I tell him while taking a seat across from him.

"Yeah, we plan on going there one of these days as well. Can't wait to check it out. You want a drink?"

He looks so relaxed. Just sitting on the chair, seemingly not making any effort in being so sure of himself. He is happy with who he is and how he communicates. It is such a difference with me. I'm sitting in the tip of my chair, hands fiddling with my shirt while I have to remind myself to keep looking at him. I'm not sure why I'm so nervous and shy all of the sudden, but I know it has something to do with Christian.

"I'm good. We just had dinner so I'm a bit full." I tell him honestly.

He nods he head understandingly, looking at me while he takes a big sip from his beer. After that, he speaks again. "How about we take a walk on the beach? We can watch the sunset and walking helps against the stuffed feeling."

Walking on the beach while watching the sunset. It sounds so... romantic. I watch him drink his beer in one go before he stands and holds out his hand for me to take it, looking at me expectantly with a smirk on his face.

"Okay." I manage to get out before taking his hand. This time, I don't bother pulling my hand away. I like walking hand in hand with him and he obviously does as well, else he wouldn't keep offering me his hand.

"Okay." He smiles.

We walk to the beach silently, but it doesn't feel uncomfortable. The noises of the waves that smash against the sand are getting louder and the soft breeze gets a little bit harder, making my hair one big mess. I don't care though. I can only focus on his hand in mine and my heartbeat, that is going about six times its normal pace. I feel it beating in my head.

When we arrive at the beach, we start walking with our foot in the ocean. I'm holding my slippers in my free hand and for a moment I think about how we must look like right now. If people see us walking, they would probably think we are a couple enjoying the sunset. The thought makes me feel weirdly proud. It would mean that those people would think he is with me.

"I never thought I would enjoy this." I hear him mumble after a few moments. He said it so soft, I think it wasn't even meant for me to hear.

"Why not?" I ask him.

He looks at me, a smile on his face, probably because I heard what he said.

"It's just, I normally don't really do stuff like this. Walking on the beach to watch the sunset with someone I've just met." He tells me, not having any trouble with explaining himself.

"Oh, yeah. Me neither. Do you enjoy it? Or do you want to go back?" I ask him. Maybe he rather wants to sit and talk while he has another beer.

He shakes his head instantly. "No. I'm enjoying it. It's kind of peaceful isn't it, like relaxing?"

I nod my head and look at the sun, which is already starting to lower in the ocean. It is a spectacular view. I haven't seen anything like it, except in pictures. It looks exactly like I always pictured it, like how I used to draw a sunset when I was little. The thought makes me giggle.

"Do share the joke." Christian grins while bumping his shoulder against mine in the process.

"I was just thinking about how it looks just like I always pictured it to be. You read about it in books and see pictures of it, and you have this image in your head. My image was exactly looking like this." I explain with a smile on my face while looking at him. Good old times when drawing a realistic sunset was the only thing you would worry about.

"Yeah, sunset is always a popular thing to write about, especially in novels. You know, people always seem to get a kiss while watching a sunset." He says while watching me carefully.

I turn my head instantly so I'm looking at the horizon again. My cheeks are so red, I think they have never reached this shade before. Is he implying something or is he just talking about a novel he knows? Does he want to kiss me or is this just his way of starting a conversation about books, or kissing? Jesus, what do I say? I feel his eyes on me still. I need to say something.

"Yeah." I mumble. I have no idea how to respond to something like that. But at least I said something. That's better than just ignoring the whole statement, I think.

Then I feel his free hand on my cheek, moving my face so I'm looking at him again. He has turned his body towards me and his face is so close, I only notice now what a unique shade of grey his eyes actually are. He looks from my mouth to my eyes, waiting for me to say something. When I just keep looking at him, he breaks the silence.

"What if I would kiss you now? Would you be okay with that?" He whispers, his breath tickling my lips as he does.

Oh my God. He wants to kiss me. He really wants to kiss me. This is such an important thing in my life. I'm about to kiss a guy for the first time.

"I.. I've never really done that before." I tell him. Right after I said it, I regret it. Who says that? You're not telling the person you are about to kiss that it is going to be your first one. That's just embarrassing.

"Kissing on the beach?" He asks, his eyes wide. I think he knows I don't mean it that way, but wants to be sure he isn't misunderstanding what I just told him.

I shake my head while biting my lip. So embarrassing.

"Kissing in general?" He asks, sounding very surprised, almost shocked.

"Yeah." I mumble while looking down at our feet that are still paddling in the sea.

I feel him stroke my cheek before he pulls my head up by my chin so I'm looking at him again. His eyes are a little darker than moments ago, I'm not sure if it's because they really are or because the sun is almost gone.

"You want to?" He asks, still stroking my cheek. It makes me feel a little more comfortable.

I take a breath and then nod my head. I want him to kiss me, even though I have no idea if I'm good at it. I'm sure he has kissed a lot of times before, so I hope he will take the lead and teach me a bit.

A small smile appears on his mouth before he leans in, so he is even closer to my face. I close my eyes and wait for the feel of his lips on mine. Right before our lips touch, he mumbles against them.

"Say it, Ana."

I open my eyes again and see that his eyes stare right back at me. His breath is on my mouth, giving me goosebumps all over my body. I'm sure my heart is beating so fast, all the alarm bells would go off if I was laying in the hospital. What the hell is happening to me?

I know he won't kiss me until I've said it. Something in his eyes tells me so. I want him to kiss me, so I really don't have a choice.

"I want to." I whisper, my voice shaky and breathing heavy.

The moment the last word had left my mouth, he presses his lips on mine. It takes me by surprise, but he is building it up slowly. He first just kisses me with mouth closed, just pecking my lips. When he has made sure I'm a bit more relaxed, he opens his mouth and lets his lips massaging mine. I decide to try and copy his movements and surprisingly, our lips instantly know how to move against each other.

I'm enjoying the feeling of his lips against mine when I feel him pulling me in his arms, pressing me against his body. My arms find their way around his neck on their own accord. And then I feel his tongue stroking my lips, asking permission to enter my mouth and tangle with mine. All the while he doesn't pressure me at all. He takes his time and because of it, I feel comfortable.

Although I obviously don't have any reference point, I do know that Christian knows what he is doing. His kisses take me away completely, and it feels like I'm the protagonist in an insanely romantic novel.

This is one hell of a first kiss.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Time to see what Christian thinks and feels! Let me know your thoughts and Enjoy! xx**

Chapter 7: An unfamiliar feeling.

"I really need to go inside." She mumbles against my lips, her arms around my neck and her hands in my hair tell me she doesn't want to go inside.

"Then go." I mumble back, not giving her any chance to pull her lips from mine.

We have been standing behind the mobile home where she stays for about twenty minutes now, and she's been telling me she should go inside for about nineteen minutes. In those twenty minutes, her lips never left mine. It is like she is glued to me, and I fucking love it.

''I will.'' She whispers back, trying to pull back.

I hold her tight to me, not giving her a change to go. ''One more.'' I say, making her giggle. After she is done giggling, she honors my request.

At first, she was very hesitant and shy while kissing me. It is understandable since it was her first kiss. Which shocked me immensely by the way. How the hell has she never been kissed before? She has a beautiful face, a sexy body and she is interesting and fun to hang around with. I really don't understand how not one guy took his chance and went for it. Honestly.

After we kissed for a few minutes, she seemed to get more comfortable. When I nipped her bottom lip with my teeth, she even let out a moan. After that, I think she was over the point of being shy. She was still a bit struggling with how much tongue she used, but she enjoyed it, which made it enjoyable for me as well.

And right now, while we are still kissing behind the little home, it's like she has been kissing me for months. Her hands are massaging my scalp, while her teeth pull my lip before she soothes it with her tongue. Right after that, her lips are on mine again, almost like she doesn't want our lips to be parted.

My hands travel from her back down to her ass. I have been careful about doing so since this technically is still her first kiss, but I would regret it later if I don't have a squeeze. The moment my hands reach her shorts covered ass, I feel her stiffen and I instantly know I was right to question this move. Of course, I was. She is as green as it can be Grey, be a gentleman here.

"Sorry." I mumble while my hands move to her back again, pulling her a little tighter to me so she knows I'm truly sorry.

She pulls her lips away from mine to look at me. Her blue eyes searching mine in the dark. Because of the light her parents left on, I can just make out her delicious lips, which are red from kissing me. To make it a little sexier, her teeth sink into her bottom lip. Christ, it does something to me.

"It's okay. I just don't want to give you the wrong idea. I like kissing you, but I'm not ready for anything else. You obviously know already, but I don't have experience, at all. And I'm not planning on jumping ship and letting you do everything right now."

She surprises me with her honesty. Hell, I think she surprised herself as well, considering the way she is looking right now. Confused and for a moment she looks completely away with her thoughts. But it just takes seconds for her to snap out of it and return to the present again.

I'm not going to lie, I am a bit disappointed she stopped me. My dick is almost bursting out of my pants and it doesn't help that her body is still pressing against mine, at all. I know she feels me, I saw her eyes widen twenty minutes ago when I pressed myself against her while her back was leaning against the mobile home. But she hasn't commented on it or gave it any attention at all. She is ignoring it and I'm not used to that.

Normally, if I kiss a girl, we get into other business very quickly. After a few minutes hands come into play, and after that, it's like there is no stopping what so ever. The moment girls feel me, they go insane, not kidding. It's like my dick is their drug, and they just can't get enough of it once they've had a feel. I'm not complaining though, it's great to know the ladies appreciate it.

But this lady right here doesn't seem impressed by it at all. Or at least she is not really interested in it. If she didn't tell me the reason just now, I would be worried. But she is not ready for anything else, so I just have to accept that. At least she enjoys kissing.

"Then I won't do it again. I promise." I whisper.

She nods her head and then takes a deep breath before stepping out of my arms completely. I instantly feel the need to pull her back against me, but I know she needs to go inside. And the feeling confuses me, so I need some time away from her to think this over.

"I'm going in." She smiles.

I nod my head and grab her hand to give it a squeeze. "I'll see you tomorrow?" I ask her, trying really hard not to sound as desperate as I feel.

Damn it, Grey, pull yourself together. What is it about this girl that's got you like this all of the sudden?

"Tomorrow." She smiles and nods her head.

"Will you meet me at the pool area of the resort at one?" I ask her, still holding her hand even though she tries to pull away so she can get inside.

"I'll be there." She giggles before pulling her hand out of mine with quite some force. "Bye. Goodnight."

"Night Ana." I tell her while giving her a small wave.

I keep standing there until she is inside. Only then my body seems to accept that she is really not here anymore and that I can go back to the hotel.

The walk back completely passes by me. Before I know it I am standing in front of my hotel door and I'm pulling the key out of my pocket. All the while I keep thinking about what just happened.

About Ana and the way we kissed. I am never this content after just kissing. I always want the whole thing, and if I fail to get that right away, I will make sure I'll get it the next time. The only girl that made me wait longer, was Allison. Trust me I made up for that. When she finally told me she was ready after prom, I made sure she felt my desperation. With Ana though, it's different. I have no idea why, but I understand that she isn't going to give herself to me just like that. And I kind of feel like not rushing into it is the good thing to do here.

Kind of, because my dick is absolutely not agreeing with me. He definitely wants to rush into it, he is used to that. The poor thing is hard and throbbing since we started kissing, and even walking to my hotel room didn't help. It's pretty logical since I haven't stopped thinking about Ana and her lips on mine either.

I am really curious as to where this is going to go. I know it will be so different from what I expected my vacation to be. I was planning on having a nice chick for a few days, before hopping over to some other nice chick. But I have a feeling that that's not going to happen.

Ana is staying here for two weeks, and I think I want to spend more time with her during those two weeks. But I also know that if I do that, I can't have fun with other chicks as well. As I said, it will change my original plans. And Elliot will find it hilarious.

I just know it. If I tell the fucker this, he would probably call me any name written in his book. Me, Christian Grey, is in Italy and is not taking every chance to take a sunkissed European girl back to the hotel room. Instead of that, he is watching the sunset with a pale, brown-haired all American girl. He would call it a shame and a waste.

With any other girl, I would probably agree. But not with Ana. It's something about her I can't place. She is shy and nervous around me in the beginning, yet the longer we are talking, the more she seems to break out of her shell. She clearly doesn't know how beautiful she is, and with some girls, I have a feeling they play that. But Ana is not playing it, she believes it. Like she has been told thousands of times that she isn't beautiful. She always bows her head and has trouble looking at me while we talk, like she is ashamed of herself.

And then her eyes. I can see in her eyes that she is going through something. I don't know why, but her eyes don't sparkle, only when she talks about her books. I have a feeling she has been hurt by people in the past or maybe even still gets hurt regularly. No, I know she still gets hurt by other people.

That bruise. That bruise is not on her hip and belly because she had an accident in gym class. That bruise has been put there by someone, intentionally. It has been cost by a lot of force, else it would have never been that big, black and blue. And the lower belly isn't an area that bruises easily. Someone intentionally hurt her with force, badly. And that fact makes me furious. If I could, I would go to Savannah and search until I find the person who did that to her, only to return the favor. And I would not stop after one go. Why? No fucking clue.

The second thing that confirmed the thought that she gets hurt, was the way she reacted when I asked her the question. She looked so vulnerable and small, her shoulder instantly dropped and her cheeks turned red while her whole face was even paler than before. She was surprised by the question, but also afraid to answer it with the truth. So she lied to me.

I briefly debated with myself if I should ask another question to get to the truth, but then I saw her eyes. Her eyes almost begged me not to ask more questions. So I just told her that it sucked. She looked so relieved when I didn't ask more, that look told me enough as well. She was definitely lying to me.

I understand. She doesn't know me, so why would she tell her whole story? I didn't tell her mine. And I'm not really sure if I ever will tell her. Although my story isn't sad or anything, it is pretty great if I say so myself. But it's still not something people do. You don't go and tell someone you just met everything. It has to do with trust and shit.

What surprises me, is that I want to earn her trust so she will tell me what's going on in her head. I want to know if I can help her in any way. I know I probably can't since she lives in Savannah and I live in Portland, but it's the thought that counts. I might be able to help her with her confidence. I can teach her how to keep her head high and I can tell her what a great person she is. I'm good at that.

Back in school, I always used to do that. Not the flirting type of thing to get the girl, at least not only like that. I can read people. I just see it when something bothers you, it is weird. But it is also useful. I can give a pretty good pep talk and I've helped a few friends with getting more confidence. I know some tricks as well as some self-defense moves that help with that, who knows it might help Ana as well.

I think that if we just keep talking like we do, she will maybe open up a bit. I would like to know her a bit better. She intrigues me because of all that mystery and shyness. And she intrigues me because she is just so simply beautiful without making any effort in using make-up or whatever. And her body, God damn.

The girls at my school definitely didn't have the body she has. Allison no exception, although she has a nice body. They all seem to eat so little, they are just thin. Almost like they don't want their body to change into the body of women. Ana is a woman. She has curves, which I like immensely. Her body looks so soft and her tits, fucking damn. Those tits look just perfect. Round and perky. The perfect size to go with her body. I want to see them, see how they feel in my hand. Just like her ass. Juicy and taut. She is just completely my type, everything up to her big blue eyes, brown hair and pale face.

I really need to get in the shower and take care of my hard dick right now, because it's starting to hurt a little. I walk into the bathroom and get my clothes off before jumping into the shower. The moment the water hits my back, my hand finds my hard member and my thoughts drift back to Ana and the kisses we shared.

Her soft yet, in the beginning, hesitant lips, that tried to keep up with what I did. After a few moments, she got it and followed me and fuck it if it wasn't sexy as hell. Her tongue stroking against mine, battling with mine but also giving me the control. The little whimpers that left her mouth. Yes, so sexy.

My hand starts to stroke a little faster, moving up and down at a perfect pace. I think about Ana, and how her hand would feel around me. Probably just like her kisses felt, shy yet very determined to get it right.

I picture her with me in the shower, her hand stroking me while her other hand would grab my balls. I would ask her to kiss my neck and talk to me. I would ask her to drag her nails over my chest and back. I would kiss her lips, just like we kissed behind the mobile home, where she bit my lower lip and soothe it with her tongue.

It doesn't take long before I feel my balls tighten, Ana's vision in my head is driving me crazy. When I picture her getting down on her knees, I come. My body shakes violently and my teeth clash against each other so hard, my jaw actually hurts. God damn what a wank. And in my mind she didn't even get comfortable on her knees.

* * *

The next day I'm having breakfast with mom, dad, and Mia when Mia decides to get me some unwanted attention.

"So Chris, who was that brunette girl I saw you leave with yesterday?"

She is good. She knows mom and dad are not really happy about my behavior with girls. They hate the fact that Elliot and I like to screw around. I bet mom is hoping every day that I will break the news and tell her I've fallen in love. Sadly for her, that won't happen. She'll have to wait for Mia to do that. When Mia comes home with that information, I will have to have a talk with her and the guy in question though. She is my baby sister after all.

"Ana." I tell them. Mom and dad are looking at me, almost afraid of what I'm going to say next. When I stay quiet, dad speaks.

"And Ana is?" Obviously he wants to know more than just her name.

I sign. Why do they have to know my shit? "Ana is a girl I've met a few days ago. She is from Savannah and she is here with her parents. She is staying on the campsite and she is here for two weeks. We had a drink by the pool yesterday and afterward, we walked on the beach to watch the sunset. Do you have enough information now?"

Dad nods his head and mom smiles a little bit like she is happy with my explanation as well but not happy that I continue my behavior from home. I could tell her I won't, but I'm not doing that. Let her think I'll screw around here, at least she doesn't ask questions about that.

We all start eating again and for a moment I think we are going to talk about something else, but I'm not that lucky.

"I wish you just stayed with a girl long enough to actually get to know her a bit." Mom says, looking hopeful, yet she knows it's no use.

I roll my eyes. I really don't want to have this conversation right now. We are in Italy and we're all enjoying this vacation in our own way. I don't judge mom and dad. Or Mia. I let them do what they want, so why can't they give me that pleasure as well?

"I just haven't met that girl yet, mom. I don't have to settle with someone now just like you and dad did. And why are you always giving me this shit? Elliot does exactly the same, but he is allowed to?"

"He is not and we give him 'shit' as well. Christian, we don't want you two to be the heartbreakers of the town. And you don't treat a girl like she is your personal pleasure doll. You have to have respect for her." Dad lectures. I think he is just jealous. He met mom when he was 17 and haven't had anyone else since then. That most me boring as hell, the same pussy for the rest of your life. Not happening here.

"I have respect and I don't use them for pleasure. All the girls want it. I don't force them. Jesus, why the hell do you even care about what the damn town thinks? They all go to church on Sunday, of course they don't like the way I live. They are all 55-year-old virgins, probably sexually frustrated." I tell him, I really am getting pissed off.

Mia giggles because of what I said. I know she doesn't mind my behavior with girls, as long as I stay away from her friends. We made that deal. She would have my back with mom and dad, and I would not seduce her friends. Not that I was planning on doing so, but still. I promised and a promise to my little sister is one I'll never break.

"Will you keep it down and show some respect? We are not doing this here. You need to learn how to take criticism, Christian." Dad says. I hear he is getting mad.

Then mom speaks, trying to keep the atmosphere somewhat bearable for the remaining of breakfast. "We just don't want you to make a mistake, you know. With protection or something like that. Girls can get pregnant or you might not be the only one they do it with."

Like the true doctor she is, she is giving the talk like a pro. If I hadn't heard this talk a hundred times already, I would be impressed.

"Jesus mom, you gave me the talk when I was what? Nine? You really think I don't wrap it before I tap it?" I really thought she would think better of me.

Mia is almost on the floor because she is laughing so hard. It makes me smirk. Dad, on the other hand, looks pissed. And mom's eyes are just wide like she can't believe I said that while we are eating in a restaurant. It's her fault though, she implied I'm not careful.

I'm always very careful, almost to the point of insanity. I always make sure I bring the condom and that I put it on myself. I've never had sex without one. I really am not that stupid to get someone pregnant. And I know that when they are easy with me, they also will be easy with someone else. Not taking the risk.

"Well, good to know, I guess." Mom mutters before drinking her coffee.

"Let's just drop it. You know how we think about it. I suggest you have a good look at yourself in the mirror. And you better not hurt that Ana girl. She is here on vacation and you don't want to be the one that ruins her happy memories." Dad says, successfully ending the conversation.

Thank God. I really couldn't listen to it one second longer. They should just mind their own business. It's annoying.

"I'm done. I'm going to the beach for a few hours and then I'm meeting Ana. Don't wait on me for dinner." I tell them while standing from my chair.

"Tomorrow we will go to Rome, so don't make any plans." I hear mom say while I'm already walking towards the elevator so I can go change in my room. I better enjoy the water today, because tomorrow is going to be heavy. The temperature in Rome is high and there is no sea or pool close by. I can't very well jump into the Fontana di Trevi when I can't handle the heat anymore.

Another reason to enjoy today is Ana. And since I won't be able to see her tomorrow, I have to make today extra special. If she wants to, I'll take her off the resort. I know just the way to do it and I know exactly where I can take her. I'll rent a scooter at the reception, so we can drive. I've seen the perfect place while we were in Piombino. It is a very remote place, on one of the bigger rocks that are nest to the sea and has a great view of the harbor. When the sun sets, it must be great with all the lights that reflect in the water. If I buy some food and drinks, we can have a picnic. We can talk and maybe, if I play my cards right, I can kiss her again.

I'll be damned, I'm trying to woo her. There we go mom, you must be so proud.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Ready for the romantic date? I hope you all like it because I think this might be my favorite chapter so far! Our Ana is getting a little braver and Christian is having a first for him as well ;) Let me know your thoughts and as always; Enjoy! xx**

Chapter 8: The sun, the sea and you.

I still can't believe Christian kissed me last night, more than once. He was really into it, just like me. After we left the beach, we walked hand in hand to my home, and there he dragged me behind it. While I was standing against the mobile home, he came closer and then he kissed me again.

That kiss was so different from the ones we shared on the beach. The kisses on the beach were sweet and slow like he was scanning my reaction, trying to get to know what I like. But when we stood hidden behind the small home in which my mom and dad were sleeping, his kisses were demanding, dominant and all-consuming. And I enjoyed them immensely.

He enjoyed them too. I felt it. The moment he pressed himself against me, I felt his erection. It was hard and big, and a few times I felt him move his hips a little forward so it bumped against me. I felt pride and nervousness when I felt what my kisses did to him, and I briefly thought about pushing back against him to give him that little friction he was searching for. But I decided against it.

I wouldn't know what to do, and I would be so scared to screw it up. What if I did something completely ridiculous? I would be so embarrassed. So I just ignored it. I tried and acted like I hadn't felt him at all, even though I'm pretty sure he knew I had felt him.

After about twenty minutes of kissing, I felt his hands lower from my back to my ass and I freaked out, because of the insecurity yet again. And he felt it. My whole body stiffened, and I knew that I owed an explanation. I surprised myself by telling him exactly what I felt. That I am simply not ready and that I don't want to lead him on. And he was okay with that. He just told me he was sorry. It made me feel even more comfortable. I didn't feel any pressure or dislike from him, he kept it sweet and when we said goodbye, he immediately made plans for the next date.

When I opened the door, I saw Christian still standing there, waiting for me to be out of view. It was funny an endearing. When I turned to walk to my room, I was shocked to see dad sitting at the little table next to the kitchen. He was already in pajamas and before him on the table stood a glass of water. When I asked him what was going on, he told me he woke up and realized I wasn't home yet, so he waited for me.

He also saw the reason why I was so late and made a comment about how we are definitely not just working on a friendship. After that, he almost demanded to meet Christian, which I really wasn't happy about. I tried to reason with dad, but his decision was made, he wants to meet him. I'm scared of what Christian will think of that. I know he isn't serious about this. He probably just sees this as a summer romance, a fun time before he will go to college and forget about me. He doesn't even know how serious this is for me. How much I need something like this. How much it gives me hope.

I don't hold it against him though, I completely understand it if he thinks like that. I'm just making sure I'm enjoying my time with him. I hope I can get strength out of the memories with him once I am back in Savannah and Leila and her followers are there again. When I'm in a dark place again, I hope the memory of my summer with Christian will help me out of it. That it will remind me of how it can be. How it feels when someone likes you.

Right now I'm waiting by the pool for Christian to appear. It's almost one and I was so excited that I came a little early. Last time he was already waiting for me, so I thought he might be early as well. But so far, he isn't here yet.

I'm curious at what he was planned for us. I'm wearing a white summer dress with my bikini underneath since I have no idea what we are going to do. I think we maybe are just going to hang out here at the pool. The weather is great, as always, and I think we both like to get to know each other a little better.

Just when I'm looking around to see if I spot him already, I feel two hands slip around me very carefully. At the same time, I hear him whisper in my ear.

"It's just me, don't jump." He obviously still remembers the last time he tried to get my attention and I almost threw myself into the fire because of it. Now, I surprisingly don't even flinch. It is because I matched his touch instantly with his voice. I know it was him and I know he won't hurt me, which is a bit of a revelation, to be honest.

"Hi." I say while turning around so I face him. He is wearing aviator sunglasses, and he looks ten times hotter because of it.

"Hi. How are you? Slept well?" He asks, his hands still on my sides. I can feel his thumbs stroking up and down.

I nod my head and smile while I think about last night. I couldn't stop thinking about us kissing.

"I did." I tell him, hoping he doesn't see my cheeks turn a little pink. "You?''

"Perfect. I had such a good dream. About a girl with long brown hair and gorgeous blue eyes. She kissed me and it was amazing." He winks, making my cheeks a little redder.

"Lucky you." I mutter. I'm not really sure what to say further to that. Instead, I'm going to change the subject. "So, what do you want to do?"

He looks at me with a smile on his face. "If you are okay with it, I would like to show you something. But we need to get off the resort for it." He is watching my reaction carefully.

I really want to go with him, but I've told my parents that I would stay here. I guess I could ask them if I can go with him. That way dad can also meet Christian, if he wants to join me.

"I would love to, but I think I really need to tell my parents. I told them I would be here, by the pool. We could go and tell them now if you want. They are having lunch at the mobile home." I tell him as nonchalantly as possible. I really hope he doesn't think this is childish or stupid.

"Sure, I can introduce myself as well. They probably want to have a face that goes with the story, that is if you told them about me?" He looks at me in question, he seems to really want to know if my parents know who he is.

"I have." I smile. "Let's go."

Five minutes later we arrive at the small home. My parents are sitting on the porch, they are done with their lunch but are still chatting and drinking coffee. The moment mom spots us, her eyes widen in surprise. Dad sees her looking and follows her gaze. When he spots us, he is instantly on high alert. He straightens his shoulders and his face shows the military look. Here we go.

"Well well, back so soon Annie? Who is this?" Dad asks while nodding towards Christian. He really is the overprotective dad right now. The 'don't mess with my little girl one'.

"This is Christian, the guy I've told you about. Christian, this is my dad Ray and my mom Carla." I tell him.

He surprises me by walking past me to shake my dad and my mom's hand. I can see dad appreciates it. Mom her eyes just shine while she looks from Christian to me, before very discretely putting up her thumb for approval. Smooth mom, I just know Christian saw that one.

"Pleasure to meet you. Are you enjoying your vacation?" Christian asks them while taking a seat across from them. He is so comfortable and sure of himself. He shows my dad he has nothing to hide.

"We are. Lovely weather and beautiful surroundings. How about yourself? How is the hotel your staying at?" Mom asks.

"The hotel is great. And I do love the surroundings as well. My parents and I just went to Piombino and it is great, I really recommend it." He smiles.

"That's great. What are you planning on doing with Annie?" Dad says, surprising and embarrassing me with his straight to the point question.

Christian is not impressed what so ever. "I like Ana and I enjoy spending time with her. We are having great conversations and the same interests. I would like to spend more time with her, if that's okay with you of course."

I can tell dad is impressed as well. And mom is just smiling like a mom who is happy for her daughter. Christian is doing a great job, even though I surprised him with this meeting my parent's thing. I'm happy he is such a good sport though, considering that we aren't anything official.

"Good to know." Dad says while still looking at Christian. I think he hasn't looked away since Christian and I came into view.

"We actually are here because I wanted to ask if it is okay that we are going off the resort, to explore?" I ask them, really hoping that they will allow me to go.

Dad sits up a little bit more when he hears me ask it. This could be a yes or a no. "And just where are you going to explore?" He asks, not looking at me at all. It's still only Christian he has eyes for.

"I wanted to go to Piombino. The harbor is spectacular. I've rented a scooter, and helmets of course. I thought Ana and I could drive around a bit. I have my drivers license." Christian says. For the first time, I notice a bit of nervousness when he talks. He keeps wiggling his one feet and he moves one hand through his hair just a few times too many.

"A scooter? Oh dear, here in Italy? Are you sure you can drive here?" Mom asks, her face radiates worry.

"I'm sure. It's just twenty minutes from here, and the scooter doesn't go that fast. I assure you your daughter is perfectly safe with me." Christian nods his head, looking very serious.

I look at dad and I see he is in a debate with himself. I think he wants to let me go since he is happy for me and because he knows I really want to go. But he is also hesitant because he will have to trust Christian to drive safely, without knowing he will drive safely. I truly hope he will let me go.

"Listen, I'll let you two go, but I want to set some rules. You will both wear your helmets, even though it is insanely hot here. You will drive at a normal pace, on the right side of the road so cars can pass you without trouble. And I don't want you to come back home as late as yesterday, young lady. 2 am. is not a normal time. I'd say 11 is." Dad says and for the first time since this conversation started, he is looking at me. All I can do is nod my head in acceptance at a rapid pace. I can go with Christian, on a scooter. This is great! I'm so excited.

"Agreed. Thanks for trusting me, Sir." Christian says while standing and offering a hand to dad.

"It's not you I'm trusting. It's Annie. I trust she knows what she is doing." Dad snorts before taking Christian's outstretched hand. After that, Christian shakes mom's hand as well.

"Have fun and be careful." Mom says while giving me a wink and a small wave. She is even more excited than me, I can tell.

"Thanks, we will." I smile.

We so will.

* * *

Sitting behind Christian on the scooter makes me feel all kinds of things. I'm nervous and excited and I feel things in my belly because I'm touching him. My arms are around him, my hands meeting each other on his belly. My front is against his back and I'm holding on tight. Christian is not driving fast, he is keeping dad rules in check, just like he promised. But I still think it is exciting.

After a 15-minute drive, Christian takes a turn into the small road. At the end of the road, he stops and shuts down the engine. He takes off his helmet before he speaks.

"We have to walk the rest bit. Not long, about five minutes." He tells me while watching me take off my helmet as well.

"Okay," I smile. 'Where are you taking me? Piombino is still straight ahead on the main road."

I saw that he took the wrong direction but I didn't say anything, I am too curious to see what he has planned. But he did tell my dad he would take me to go and see Piombino and if we are not going there now, it means he was lying.

"You'll see. We are closer to Piombino than you might think. Come on." He says while grabbing his backpack and then offering me his hand.

I find myself taking it without any doubt or effort. I'm so used to walking hand in hand with him, it's like the most natural thing to do.

After a short, uphill walk through a tree glad area, we arrive on a big rock. I can instantly tell the rock ends in a cliff, which leads to the sea. We are at a high point.

"I thought that you deserved a special place to have lunch." Christian says while pulling me in front of him, his hands on my hips.

I look in front of me and my eyes widen. There is a perfect view on the harbor. You can perfectly see all the boats floating in the blue sea. If you turn your head, all you see is the horizon with a few small boats in front of it. It is spectacular.

"Wow." I mutter. "This is gorgeous."

"Isn't it?" I hear him say in my ear, making me shiver.

We stand just like that for a few minutes, Christian behind me while we watch the view. He took me here because he thinks I deserve a place like this, that is just so sweet of him. But at the same time, I wonder how he knows about this place.

"How did you knew about this spot?" I ask him, not looking away from the sun that is shining into the water, making it sparkle.

"When we were eating at a restaurant, one of the waiters told me about it. He said that if I would meet someone special here, I should definitely take her up here. Only locals know about this place.''

Someone special. Does he mean I'm special to him? That's what he is saying right? That I am special enough for him to show this place?

"I've brought lunch, you're hungry?" He asks, obviously not wanting to continue about me and being special.

"Yeah." I smile while watching him open his backpack to get out a baguette, cheese, olives, and drinks. He certainly came prepared.

"Sit down." He smiles while sitting down as well.

I do as he says, and in no time we are enjoying lunch with a perfect view. This is definitely unique. What a way to have lunch. This could easily be a scenario of a romcom. I feel like I'm in a movie. This cannot be happening to me.

"What are you thinking about?" Christian asks me while popping some cheese in his mouth.

"Just how perfect this is. You really did quite the job, mister." I smile.

"It is perfect, isn't it? It's so peaceful and quiet here. It's just us, no one else. I'm not used to that. In Portland, there isn't any place like this." He tells me.

So he is from Portland. That is a long way from Savannah. The thought makes me sad. This really will only be a summer fling.

"You look very sad all of the sudden, for someone who just said how perfect this was." He says, a worried look on his face.

Shit, he saw it.

"Yeah, it's just that Portland isn't really close to Savannah. The thought makes me a little sad." I say, deciding to be honest with him. He can know that I'm having a great time.

"I know. It sucks. But we still have longer than a week. Look at the positives sides!" He smiles, trying to cheer me up.

He is right, I need to enjoy spending time with him and stop thinking about Savannah. It only makes me feel sad and depressed.

"Why do I have the feeling you don't like Savannah at all?" He asks me after a few minutes of silence.

Again, my facial expression most tell him the answer because he is looking at me even more interested than before. What if I tell him? Would he look at me any different? It might be good to tell him, so I can let everything out for once. He is not living anywhere near us, so he won't tell anybody else.

I take a deep breath. Just tell him, it might be a relieve

"Because I don't like it. I hate it there. Specifically, I hate going to school. Nobody likes me there." I tell him, looking at my hands that are laying on my lap. I don't dare to look at him. He doesn't have to see the pain and vulnerability in my eyes.

But he sees right through me. His hand finds my chin and lift my face so I'm looking at him once again. "Don't hide. Tell me about it, I might be able to help."

"You can't. You are not there. It is horrible. People hate me, for no reason at all. It started when I was 14. Out of nowhere a girl at school, Leila, asked me to sit next to me. I told her she could, and after that class, she decided it was such a horrible experience that she would make my life a living hell."

His eyes widen and I can see he doesn't understand why she would do that. Just like me really. I don't understand it either. I have been asking myself the why question for two years now.

"What does she do?" He asks. He has stopped eating and all his attention is on me.

"She has two friends and the three of them make sure that not one day goes by without them making sure I know what a waste I am. They bully me, they make fun of me and they spread rumors around about me. Rumors that really are disgusting and unrespectful. They have so much power at school, that nobody dares to help me. My fellow classmates rather see me suffer than that they would help me because they are afraid to be next. The teachers seem to be blind. It is exhausting." I tell him. It's like now that I've started, I can't stop. Two years of pain are coming out, tears are streaming down my cheeks. I just can't help it. It is such a relief to tell everything.

I feel Christian's arms around me and pulling me onto his lap. I let him comfort me, for the first time someone does that for this reason. And it feels good.

"Do they hurt you? Physically?" He asks me, his lips moving against my shoulder while he speaks.

I just nod my head. I have a feeling he already knows this. That he knows how I got that bruise. After moments, my thoughts are confirmed.

"I knew that bruise wasn't from gym class. Fucking bitches." He mutters.

It weirdly enough makes me cry harder. Fucking bitches indeed. I hate them.

"Let it out." He tells me while moving his hand into my hair to massage my scalp. It feels so good and it helps me calm down a bit. When the worst tears and sobs are gone, I pull back to look at him.

He looks at me with a small smile, like he wants to reassure me it is okay. Then I see his eyes move down to my lips for just a moment. It happens fast, but I know what he wants. I know what it means. And I want it too.

So, this time I take the lead and press my lips against his. I need this. I need to feel something else than all this pain. I want to feel that tingle in my belly. And when I kiss Christian, I feel it. He makes me feel that tingle.

He kisses me back passionately, picking up where we left off yesterday like we haven't stopped kissing each other. I move into his lap, so both my legs are on each side of his. The position makes me blush, but it also feels too good to move off of his lap. His hands drop to my hips, and surprisingly I let him without tensing up.

He feels it too because he pulls back from our kiss to look at me.

"You are beautiful Ana. Those people in Savannah are idiots." He pecks my lips one time before speaking again. "And I understand that you want my hands not to wander, but you are making it very difficult for me not to, sitting on my lap like this."

It makes me smirk. He manages to make me laugh and feel good after such a heavy subject. And he doesn't ask further like he knows I won't feel comfortable with that. He just let me do the talking. He is good at reading me.

I press my lips against him lightly. "It's okay, you can wander a bit. I kind of trust you not to take it too far."

His eyes open again and I can see them shine a bit. "Kind of?"

"Yeah, I'll let you know if you cross the line." I smirk, making him chuckle as well.

"You made this vacation so much more bearable Ana. You have no idea." He mumbles against my lips.

"I do. You do the same for me. You are giving this vacation so much more reasons to never forget it. I want to remember this forever. The sun, the sea and you. Those are the best memories." I tell him before kissing him, ending the conversation.

He is the memory I never want to forget.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: So, remember when I said that this story would be heavy and there would be self-harm in it? It is starting in this chapter. Nothing to big yet, but there is mentioning of self-harm. I promise you and please trust me, everything will be okay. Buy it will take time. Just like in real life, Ana needs time to heal and to get everything under control. On the bright side: I think you're all are going to be very satisfied after this chapter, since almost everybody wanted this to happen! Let me know your thoughts, don't worry too much and as always; Enjoy! xx **

Chapter 9: The truth.

"You want to play a game of Yahtzee, Ana?" Mom asks me, getting my attention away from my book.

"Sure. Do you want to join us?" I ask dad, who is playing a word game at the table.

Today mom, dad and I decided to hang around the mobile home a bit. Later today we can have a dip in the pool, but right now we just wanted to relax. I have read a few chapters of a new book I started, called Ulysses. Mom loved this book and I decided to give it a try as well. I'm hooked. But I do think it is good to do something else for an hour or two. So Yahtzee it is.

"Are you ladies sure you want me to join? I don't want to see tears when I win." Dad says, making both mom and I roll our eyes. He wishes.

"Please, we all know I'm the best at Yahtzee." Mom says with a huge attitude.

I giggle. "After me you are. I'm winning this game." This is why I love my parents. They are so relaxed and truly fun to hang around with. And they let me do my own thing as well, like reading books and hanging out with Christian. They are the best.

Thinking about Christian brings a smile to my face. Yesterday was perfect. We stayed on the rock until the sun started to set. We talked more about Savannah, and he told me about his school time and hometown as well. As I suspected, Christian never had trouble with making friends. He is popular in Portland. He and his brother are the heartthrobs of the town. It doesn't surprise me at all. Christian is sweet and very good looking, if he was going to my school, I would be head over heels as well.

After we left the special place, we drove around a bit before we had dinner at the harbor. Christian paid, which was very sweet of him. We both had pizza and shared an ice cream dessert. It was delicious. After that, he drove me back to the campsite and dropped me off at 10.30, to the delight of my parents who were still sitting on the porch. Mom was reading a book and dad was drinking a beer while staring in front of him.

Saying goodbye to Christian was a bit awkward since mom and dad were present. But Christian did give me a kiss on my cheek, which made me blush. The moment Christian was out of view, mom commented on it, making my blush go even redder. I told them the short version of what we did, leaving out the subjects of the conversations and all the kissing before I went to bed.

Today I won't be able to see Christian, because he is in Rome with his parents and sister. It is okay though because I like to spend time with my parents as well. It's important to me. Dad will leave on a 5-week mission as soon as we come back, so I need to spend time with him. I hate it when he is gone, I hate it that I always need to miss him.

"Oi, ready to play, Annie? Or are you still thinking about that Christian guy?" Dad smirks. He enjoys teasing me, and now that he has met Christian, he seems to not get enough of it.

"Let's play. Be ready to lose." I grin, ignoring the comment about Christian. I have a feeling there will be enough other opportunities to talk about him.

We are about thirty minutes into our game when mom asks me a question about school. And I instantly feel my stomach turn.

"Are you excited about starting school again, sweetie? Do you already know which extra classes you want to take?"

I hate talking about school, but I can't let it show. So, I smile like always when I answer her question.

"Yeah. I'm thinking about choosing creative writing as an extra class. I think I would be good at that. I like writing."

"I had no idea you like writing. What do you like to write about?" Dad asks, looking interested.

Shit, what do I say now? Why did I have to tell them this? Damn it. If I tell him what I write about, he would ask even more questions. I need to answer quickly because they will see it if I'm hesitant. "Life, I guess." I mumble, hoping and praying he will be satisfied by that answer.

Now I got both of their attention.

"Life?" Mom asks, looking puzzled. "What about life? Do you write stories or more like a diary?"

I feel the color disappearing from my face and my mouth is getting dry. I try to wet my lips, but I can't. This is going to be horrible.

"Poems." I mumble, looking down at my Yahtzee paper in front of me. Please let them stop asking questions.

The moment I dare to look at them, I see them look at each other puzzled before they turn to me at the same time. I can tell my reaction confuses them.

"Sweetie, why are you shutting down all of the sudden? You don't have to be ashamed that you write poems. You know that right?" Mom says while moving her hand over the table to grab mine.

That touch does it. I break. I try to stop it, but it is useless. I can't do it anymore. I can't keep it to myself anymore. It is like talking to Christian made me realize how wrong it is to keep things for yourself. It's exhausting and not healthy. And I can't lie to my parents anymore. They are the most supportive and compassionate parents a girl can have, they deserve the truth.

"Annie, what's wrong?" Dad says while moving his chair next to me so he can put his arm around me. His voice drips with worry. And I know that in a few minutes, it will drip with anger.

My sobs get more uncontrollable and I have trouble to keep my breathing normal. The tears are streaming down my cheeks like I haven't cried for years. My eyes are burning and all I can do is let it happen. I don't have the strength to hide anything. Not anymore. They need to see the real me. They will protect me.

"Sweetie, calm down. Breath in and out. We are here. Don't worry." I hear my mom say. Like always her voice comforts me. She loves me. My dad loves me. And they are here to help me.

I take a deep breath and will my breathing to slow down. I clean my face and then look at my parents. Both of them are looking at me, questions are written all over their faces. They have no idea what I'm about to tell them. They don't know that I will break their heart. But I have to. I'm done telling lies.

"Ever since I was 14, I am the center of bullying. There are three girls at school. Leila, Lisa, and Susanna. They make my days a living hell. They spread rumors about me. They call me names. They make sure nobody at school wants to talk to me. I'm always alone." I start. I can see my mom's face turning white while she listens to me. Dad's expression I can't really read, he just looks at me intently, nodding for me to keep talking. To tell everything.

"They make fun if my clothes and bag. They call me fat and ugly. When I'm walking in the hall that leads to my locker, they tell me I'm not allowed to go there. Everything I do seems reason for them to get to me. And I have never done anything wrong. I swear I have never done anything to them." I say, my emotion starting to take over again.

"Of course you haven't, sweetheart." Mom says while standing and walking over to me so she can pull me in her arms. I can tell she is emotional as well.

She pulls me from my chair and then sits with me on her lap, like a little girl. Dad hasn't moved an inch since I started talking. The only indication he is listening is the fact that his eyes follow my every move. I still have no idea what he is thinking, but I know it isn't good.

After moments, he speaks. His voice is demanding. "What else do they do, Anastasia?"

Full name. He is mad. I know he is not mad at me, but at the girls that cost me this pain. His way of speaking to me still makes me flinch. I think he also talks like this because he wants to hear me tell him about the bruise. He wants to know if they put that bruise there.

"They make me trip and pull my backpack on the stairs so I lose my balance. They pull my chair from under me and they hit me when I try to get away from them. That bruise, I have it because after Leila tripped me and after that she kicked me against my belly and lower back. That cut I had that day, was because she punched me. I don't even remember everything they did, but they marked me a lot. And they always make sure to do it under my clothes."

"Goddamnit. Who the hell do they fucking think they are?" Dad growls before standing up and start pacing on the porch. His hands have turned into fists and I can see he is trying to calm himself down. He is absolutely seething. Mom her head lies against my shoulder, tears streaming down her face as well while her hand strokes my back, soothing me. I hear her mumble apologies over and over like this is all her fault.

"Where are those fucking teachers, Annie?" Dad asks, his face is red out if anger. It almost scares me. I have never seen him this mad before.

"They seem to always to it while nobody is looking. Teachers don't see it, partly because I don't tell them what happens. When those girls let me trip or pull my chair, the teacher obviously looks. But then I just tell them I fell. They all think I'm just clumsy. And I'm okay with that. Because if I tell them what's going on, I know everything will be even worse. Leila will have a field with that one. She will find it hilarious that I can't fight my own battles and I just know the hate will multiply." I tell him, hoping that he also understands he can't do anything about it because of the same reason. I can't take the risk.

"Sweetie, you can't fight this battle alone. Can't you see that? They are with three of them, you need help. They don't have the right to make you feel like this or to touch you. They can't hurt and mark you Ana, it is a crime." Mom tells me, her voice still a bit shaky from crying.

"A crime for which they will pay. I'll make sure of it, Annie. You are not alone anymore." Dad says while grabbing my cheeks in both his hands. "I love you and I will make sure they will never get to you again. I promise. I'm so sorry I didn't saw it before. It's all going to change. I promise you."

Before I actually register it, I start crying again. For two reasons. One; his words are so good to hear. They give me hope that it really will change. That now that mom and dad know about it, I really am not alone anymore. But the second reason is that I know that it's not true. They might be there when I'm at home, and when I want to talk to them about it. But they won't be there when I'm at school. They can't protect me there. Nobody can. Because it will get worse when the teachers know it. Than Leila will just be more careful not to get caught. She will not stop and nobody can't protect me from it. Not even my dad, who is in the military.

"You are so beautiful and smart, Ana. Not for one second believe otherwise. You are smart and funny. You are a great listener and you are so kind. Don't ever believe those girls. They are probably just jealous of you. Because you are getting good results and because you are smart. They are insecure ones. Trust me." Mom tells me.

What she says, is something I have thought about for hundreds of times myself. When I am alone in my bedroom after school, I tell myself everything she just told me. And I always promise myself to make them stop. But when I'm at school the next way, I just see that it isn't the truth. They are funny and pretty, and teachers like them. They have good results as well, even though I'm not sure how they manage to get them. They have everything I have, only they have more as well. They have the looks, the confidence, and cool friends. Boys like them and want to spend time with them. They wear expensive clothes and are thin and tall. When I see them standing in front of me, everything I thought while I was in my bedroom, just seems bullshit.

"Oh, Annie. If only you told sooner." Mom mutters against my shoulder, making me cry yet again.

"Why mom? Why? Because then it wouldn't have happened? Do you really think those three would be scared of my mommy and daddy? They don't care. They are not afraid of anyone and you can't stop them. They have been doing this for so long, they know exactly how to do it so nobody will ever find out. And even if, in a world that doesn't exist, they would stop it, it would not make me feel safer. I am so used to looking over my shoulder, to watch every move I make, I will never feel safe or comfortable at that school. Nobody will talk to me, because they will know I am that snitch that told everything to mommy and daddy. Nothing will make it stop." I'm almost yelling at her, but the anger isn't aimed at her. I feel so useless and it's like I can't see the end of the tunnel anymore.

I can't see how my life will ever get better. When I'll go to college, people will know because other students that went to my school will tell them. I will never be free from them. The thought that this will always be my life makes me nauseous and I'm just in time to run inside and empty my stomach in the toilet. It literally makes me sick.

When I walk out of the toilet about ten minutes later, mom and dad are sitting at the little table inside. Mom pats the seat next to her, and I take place there. When I'm sitting, she gives me the glass of water that was standing on the table. I take a few sips and it instantly helps my throat and mouth to relax a bit. Everything was so dry and raw, I really needed liquid.

"What will help you, Annie? What will make it better? Tell me and I will make it happen." Dad says. He is looking at me with desperation. I have never seen this in his eyes. He doesn't know what to do. He has no idea how to help me. And I can tell it breaks his heart to know he can't protect me.

"Do you want to go to another school? We can make that work before school starts. I'm sure the managing board will agree with a transfer if we explain the reason. You can't stay there and be the prey. We can't let that happen, Ray." Mom says. She started talking to me, but now she is definitely talking to dad. And she is just as desperate as him.

Dad looks from mom to me. Mom is also looking at me. I know they want an answer.

Would it help? A new school? Would people treat me differently? It might help to start over. When Leila, Lisa, and Susanna aren't around, people might want to talk to me.

"I guess we could try it. Everything is better than going back there." I tell them softly. I have no idea if it will work. I have trust issues and I am always watching my back. Everything scares me. But I have to try. I have to because I know I will not survive another school year like this one. It will break me.

I have been having these thoughts since the last four weeks I was at school, about how everything would be so much easier if I just stopped it. Stopped everything. Just run off the road or take a lot of pills. I know they are not healthy. And I also know I should talk to someone about them. But I can't seem to find the courage. Even now, when mom and dad know everything, I still can't tell them that. I can't tell them how big the impact really is. It will scare them so much, just like those thoughts scare me to death. But thinking about it also gives me a weird kind of peace. It is confusing. Like there are two voices inside my head. For now, all I can do is try to focus on the good one. And when I go to another school, that good one might fight the bad one away.

"I'll make work of it right away. And I will have a long talk with the management of that school, Annie. They will hear exactly what is happening on their perfect school. Amateurs." Dad tells me. "I'll need to go to the reception and ask if I can borrow one of their computers. I will mail them, Ana. And I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. To make sure you feel safe." Dad says before kissing my head and then walking out of the door, determined to start his plan right away.

Relieve washes over me. Finally, something is happening.

"You want to go for a walk? We can get ice cream and eat it while we walk on the beach?" Mom asks, a small smile on her lips.

I can tell she doesn't really know what to say now. She wants me comfortable and safe. And she is suggesting this because she feels how heavy and hard it was for me to tell them. She knows we need some light conversation after this.

I know we have a lot to talk about still. And mom and dad have questions, I'm sure of it. And I will answer them. I will tell them everything that happened. But now, I need that ice cream and some mom-daughter time. Just talking about random things.

"Let's do that." I smile while I walk through the door, mom on my heels.

* * *

When we are walking on the resort, we both don't say anything. We just walk and enjoy the sun and each other's company. When we have our ice cream, we walk to the beach. There are a lot of people sunbathing and swimming, and I and mom decide to sit under a tree in the shade to enjoy our ice cream. I'm halfway through eating it when mom speaks.

"So, that Christian is a cute guy."

It makes me giggle. This is typical mom. She wants to know more about him, so she smoothly gets the subject on him.

"He is." I tell her. I see her looking at me as if she is begging me to tell her more, but I like teasing her, so I won't.

"Yeah?" She asks.

"Yeah." I grin. This is fun.

"Ana! Come on. Did you two had fun yesterday?" She asks. I think she knows I won't tell her unless she asks me.

"We did. I already told you that yesterday. We went to this beautiful place with a great view of the harbor. He brought lunch. And we drove around on the scooter and later he took me out for dinner." My cheeks turn red while I think about it. It was great.

Mom smiles at me, an endearing smile. She is happy for me. Maybe even more now that she knows what happens at home.

"You are blushing, sweetie." She giggles, making me giggle as well while I put my hands on my cheeks.

"I know. It's just, he is great. I feel good when I'm around him. He is sweet and a good listener. I told him about it as well, and he just let me talk, without judging me. It was nice." I smile while thinking about it.

"And you know what, mom? I know I'm definitely not liking girls, because he kissed me and I felt that tingle you always read about in novels." I giggle while I feel my face turn even redder. Mom claps her hands excitedly and giggles as well. She needs this. She has been waiting to talk to me like this for so long. To have real girl talk with me. So I just tell her everything, so there are no secrets left.

And surprisingly, I think I know why mom wanted to talk with me like this. I never thought I would say this, but I'm enjoying it as well.

Christian will probably never know, but he changed so much for me, and I have known him for a few days. I can only imagine what will have changed when I'm back on the plane to Savannah.

He will never know, but I owe him, so much.

* * *

**A/N: Round of applause for our brave Ana! **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Chapter 10! And after all those heavy chapters, I thought we deserved a lighter one. So, here we go! Also, keep checking out The Gazelle and the Lion. I might be posting a little something there today as well, since I have a lot of requests ;) Love the reviews so please keep them coming! And thank you all so much for voting for me on Facebook in the group Top Five FSOG Stories; I've reached second place with my story Gazelle and the Lion! You are the best! Enjoy! xx**

Chapter 10: Confidence.

I've just finished breakfast and I'm walking out of the restaurant with mom, dad, and Mia when I am just in time to catch Ana. She was running towards me and threw her arms around my neck while she practically jumped into my arms. My arms instantly find their way around her waist, and even though I love the fact that she is this happy to see me, I still can't help but wonder what caused her to react like this.

When she pulls back, her cheeks are red and she has a gorgeous smile on her face. Her glasses are a little out of place, but other than that she looks good. So fucking good.

"Hi. Sorry I did that. I didn't really think and just did it." She says, looking a bit ashamed. I think it is because my parents and sister are looking at us with wide eyes and she is just realizing that.

"That's okay. You can say hi to me like that anytime." I smile, still not letting her waist go, even though I feel she is trying to pull away.

Behind me, I hear my dad cough, indicating that I should introduce them. I roll my eyes. Typically dad, instead of just introducing himself, he waits to be introduced like he is someone extremely important.

"Ana, these are my parents Carrick and Grace, and my little sister Mia. Everyone, this is Ana." I tell them when I've turned around, my arm still around Ana's waist. It feels to good too let her go.

Ana smiles like she's just won the lottery. Fucking hell her smile is gorgeous, it's like I see it for the first time. She looks different, smiles differently. I just know something's up. She looks more confident.

"Pleasure to meet you. Christian told me he was on vacation with you." Ana says while shaking hands with everybody.

"Nice to meet you too, dear. Christian told us you are staying at the campsite, is it nice there?" Mom asks. She is beaming, I think she finally feels like a normal mother now, one that meets a girl that her son brought home.

"It is great. Cozy, but nice." Ana nods.

They all talk for a little longer, about Florence and the beach. I can't seem to get into the conversation. I'm too busy watching Ana. She acts differently, like she is relieved. Maybe it is because I know about what happens at her school, but I think something more is going on. Whatever it is, it suits her. She looks beautiful with a genuine smile on her face. Her eyes have that shine and I just can't look away. I'm in awe. This is Ana. The real Ana. And she is fucking amazing.

"Right, Chris?" Mia asks, successfully pulling me out of my thoughts.

When I look at her, I see a huge smirk on her face, like she knows exactly what I was thinking just now. She probably got my attention just to get my thoughts away from Ana. Mom and dad also notice it, because mom is smiling and dad looks at me with a raised eyebrow. I really need to pull myself together.

"Yeah, right." I tell them, absolutely no idea what the hell is right, but hey, I'm not going to admit that one.

"Well, have fun today. Enjoy the sun. Christian, if you need us we are in the pool area." Mom smiles and then waves before I watch the three of them walk away, leaving me alone with Ana.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to be pushy and clingy. I just saw you and I missed you yesterday and I just ran up to you without thinking." Ana rambles. To my surprise, she keeps looking at me, not one time she has bowed her head as she would normally do when she is embarrassed. Her cheeks are bright red and she is biting that delicious full lip, but she keeps looking at me. And fuck it if that sight doesn't turn me the fuck on.

"I liked it. You can hang around my neck the whole damn day." I tell her, making her giggle. "But I am curious about how you are feeling? You look different."

She smiles and nods her head. "I feel different. I've told my parents about everything back home, and dad is going to get me transferred. I don't have to go back there." She beams.

Fucking hell. I have never felt so relieved in my life. She doesn't have to go back. I pull her towards me and spin her around, making her squeal in excitement while she giggles.

"You are very happy too." She observes when I've put her down again.

I nod my head and grab her cheeks with both my hands. "You have no idea. I'm so happy for you. So happy, baby."

Woow Grey, what the fuck. Baby?! Where the hell does that come from? Ana is shocked as well, I can see it in her eyes. They are slightly widened and her cheeks turn redder than red. It's so cute.

"Yeah, great isn't it. I can start over. And it's all because of you." She says.

I have no idea what she is talking about. Because of me? What the hell did I do? This is all her. She found the courage to tell her parents, not me.

"This is all you, Ana." I smile while stroking her cheek.

She shakes her head before leaning into my touch. "It's not. You got me talking in the first place. And because I'd told you, it was easier to tell my parents. I don't really know why, but it was. You have no idea what you did for me. I can't thank you enough."

A weird and unknown yet pleasant feeling washes over me. I helped her, without even knowing it I helped her and because of it, she could tell her parents.

"Well, you're welcome." I say while leaning over and bumping my nose with hers, which makes her giggle.

"You want to go to the pool?" She asks me, still holding onto me.

"Sure, but I do need to change. You can come up for a second. I'll change and then we'll go." I nod my head. Ana is already wearing her bikini and a pink dress which is a little see-through. She looks sexy, and I can't help but let my mind wander for a bit. How she would look like naked. How it would feel to peel that bikini off of her.

"Let's go. I'm hot." She smiles while nodding to the elevator.

Before I know it I open my mouth. "Yeah, you are." I mumble while very obviously looking her up and down. And to my surprise, Ana just giggles before pulling her dress up just a little to show a little more leg. Still blushing, but definitely teasing as well. I fucking like this new Ana.

"Why, thank you." She smirks before walking to the elevator. "Which floor?" She asks while looking at me.

"Second." I mumble. And then it hits me. Holy shit, she is coming up with me. To my room. The room where I'm staying alone. While looking like this. God damn, what have I got myself into?

* * *

When I open the door of my hotel room, I let her go in first. I follow her into the room and watch her reaction carefully. She doesn't look as tense as how I feel. She looks relaxed and curious. And here I am, almost sweating my balls off. What the hell is she doing to me? This is not me. I'm not sweating over girls.

"This is nice. I can't believe you have your own hotel room, without a door to your parent's room." She says while looking through the windows at the sea.

"I know. I couldn't believe it either when they gave me the key. It is great though, a place to be alone. Vacation with family can be a bit exhausting." I smirk.

She nods her head in agreement. "Ugh, don't I know it. I love spending time with my parents, don't get me wrong. But I'm so happy that I do have my own room, so at night I can be alone. It really is necessary."

I smile and nod my head. "What did your parents say after you told them everything?" I ask her suddenly. Because she was so excited, I completely went excited as well and never even asked her about it.

"They were shocked and sad and angry. They felt a lot of things. It was very emotional, but at the same time, a relief that they finally knew everything. And now things are happening. Dad sends my school and e-mail, about what I've been through and their lack of authority in fighting this kind of behavior. He is going to ask for help so they can transfer me. I really hope I'm allowed to transfer." She says while taking a seat on the foot of the bed.

"It is such a relieve though, that they know. Two years I've lied to them, and now I finally don't have to do that anymore. It is like they now know who I am, and the fact that they are helping me just feels so good. I'm not alone in this anymore." She says, a content smile on her face.

"I'm happy for you, Ana." I smile while I take a seat next to her and grabbing her hand. "I like this side of you, and whatever the outcome of that e-mail is, you need to be strong and have faith. Even if you're not allowed to transfer, you have to hold on to this Ana. This Ana is happy and looks so much more confident. It is a joy to see. And I just know that those girls will be floored when they see you like this, all glowing and gorgeous."

And just like that, shy Ana is back. Her cheeks are pink and her head is looking at our hands which are still holding each other. But this time it not because she is insecure. I can tell it is because she feels flattered by my compliment and also because she still doesn't see how gorgeous she really is.

"Nobody ever called me gorgeous." She mumbles. So damn cute.

"Idiots. You are. I have noticed it from the moment I saw you on the beach, and now that you are more confident, it just radiates off of you. You are fucking gorgeous." I tell her, making her giggle and looking up at me again. Her eyes flutter to my lips, her teeth sinking into her lip. She wants to kiss me but is hesitant. I'm not really sure why, since she kissed me two days ago. But I decide to give her what she wants, and what I want just as much.

I move my hand to her cheek again and then push my lips on hers. She instantly puts her arms around my neck with such a force, I can't hold myself up and fall backward, taking her with me in the process.

She doesn't stop kissing me though. She is laying next to me on her side, her arm on my chest and one leg in between mine. Her kisses are soft and slow, and also a lot more confident than before. She knows what I like now, what she likes, and it's like we are more in tune with each other.

After a few minutes, I feel the hand on my chest moving a little lower. My dick, which is already hard and ready, is bumping up and down in approval. When she reaches my bellybutton, she stops and just lays her hand there. I think she doesn't know what to do and I can feel she is nervous. For a moment I think about what I should do. Do I say something about it? Or do I act as if nothing happened? If this was any other girl, I would've just grabbed her hand and put it on my dick. But this isn't just a girl. This is Ana.

"Sorry." She suddenly mumbles while pulling her lips away from mine.

"Why?" I ask her confused. She can't be sorry for kissing me so good.

Her hand moves from my belly to my chest again, gripping my shirt there tightly. Her eyes are looking at the hand, I'm sure because she doesn't want to look in my eyes.

"I... I want to. But I have no idea what to do and it confuses me that I want to touch you. I never thought I would feel it so soon and now I do while I told you just days ago that I wasn't ready. That must be so weird for you as well. God, sorry." She rambles. It's cute. She should know what I feel right now, then she would've never said these things.

"Hey, it's okay. Things can change, right? We've talked a lot and we shared stuff about our lives. We are more comfortable around each other now. Don't worry. It's normal." I tell her, trying to reassure her this isn't weird at all.

I honestly have no idea if it is because I have never been in this situation before. I always just did it, without thinking about anything but getting off. The girls I was with never where this insecure about it, not even Allison who was a virgin too. She knew what to do. But Ana really doesn't know, and it is such a turn on. Like I can talk her through it and learn her exactly what I like. So I can ruin her for other guys.

I have no idea what brought on that last thought, but I don't have long to think about it. Because I see Ana looking at me before looking me up and down very fast like she is afraid to get caught. It makes me smile.

"Is it okay? If I touch you?" She nervously asks. I can feel her hand on my chest is shaking. She is way too nervous and tense to do this now. I need to be the gentleman here and make sure she is comfortable first.

"How about I make you a little more relaxed first?" I ask her while moving my head to hers again. She looks at me with wide eyes and then nods her head. It's such a little nod, I almost missed it, but it was there.

I softly push her shoulder so she is laying onto her back, and I move onto my side so my front is against her. My lips meet hers again and I start kissing her just like before, slowly. Her tongue immediately finds mine and her hands tangle in my hair again, completely into our kiss.

After I feel the tension leave her body, I move my hand and place it in between her breasts, over her summer dress. I can feel her heart beating fast and hard, just like mine, almost in tune with each other. It is an intimate feeling. Then I move my hand lower, over her belly and hips to her leg. When I reach the hem of her dress, I move my hand up again, dragging the dress with me as I go.

I feel that Ana's grip on my hair become a little tighter, but she doesn't stop kissing me and lets me move my hand all the way to her ribs. Then I start to kiss my way down. I kiss her neck for about a minute before moving my nose down over her sternum until I'm just under her bikini top.

'Your skin is so soft, Ana." I mumble before placing a kiss in the middle of her sternum, where her ribs meet.

She lets out a soft moan, which tells me she enjoys what I'm doing. My hand, that was on her ribs, now moves upwards until it reaches her breast. Even though she is still wearing the top, my hand fits around it perfectly and my dick is begging for some attention as well. I choose to ignore it because this is about Ana.

"So firm, so perfect" I mumble against her skin while my hand kneads her breast and touches her hard nipple that's stands out of the fabric.

Again Ana whimpers and lets out a moan, a little harder this time. I take it as my sign to step it up a little. My hand moves from her breast down, over her belly until I reach her bikini bottom. Then I pull my head from her skin so I can look at her.

She is breathing heavy and her cheeks are flushed. Her mouth is slightly open and her big, blue, curious eyes are already looking at me.

"Can I?" I ask her while nodding to my hand that is waiting for permission.

She smiles a small smile before nodding her head and then laying her head back on the pillow and closing her eyes. The smile still on her face while she waits for me to move my hand. It makes me smirk, she is so nervous yet she wants to know how it will feel.

I move my hand into her bikini, and I'm met with soft hair. I slowly move my fingers through it, before I go a little lower so I reach her slit. Ana gasps when I push my finger through and onto her clit, her hand grabbing my hair again, harder now than before.

I lazily move my middle finger in small circles over her nub, making her moan and pant. Her other hand grabs my wrist, making sure I won't stop touching her. I move my head up a little so I can kiss her again, her lips smashing against mine the moment she notices I'm within reach.

Jesus fuck. She is going to be the death of me. So shy yet so determined and sensual. She has no idea what she does to me. She is driving me crazy. My dick is so hard, I think I can break a wall with it. And all I can do is hold back and focus on her. I deserve a fucking medal. Or she deserves one for making me feel like this. Both probably.

I start to move my finger a little faster when I notice her breathing is changing. Her moans get a little louder as well and the grip on my hair is so strong, it actually hurts. I can tell she is close, she just needs that little push. I move my head away from her face again and drop it to her neck, where I start kissing and sucking on her skin lightly.

That's all she needs. I can feel her body start to stiffen en not a second later she comes. Gloriously and wet. Her moans still soft, but so fucking sexy and erotic, I have to close my eyes and focus not to blow my load right away. She is fucking perfect.

When she comes down from her high, her eyes open again and she has a lazy smile on her face. Her lips are red and she has a little sweat on her forehead. Damn perfect.

"Wow. That was something." She whispers, her voice still a little shaky.

"Yeah. You looked sensational. I can watch you do that the whole day." I mumble against her cheek. I love the feeling of her skin against mine, it doesn't matter where I touch it, it's soft everywhere.

We lay in silence for minutes, my hand stroking the bruise on her hip softly and hers stroking my scalp. Then I feel her other hand on my chest again, this time it moves down determined. When I look at her, she bites her lip before speaking.

"Show me what you like, please. I want to give you what you just gave me."

I nod my head and lower my pants and boxers just enough for my dick to spring free. The little gasp Ana makes when she sees me, makes me feel proud. I stroke myself a few times, trying to get rid of the tension, before I grab her hand.

"Just hold me." I tell her, and instantly she takes a hold of me. My dick is almost exploding without her even doing anything yet. I really need to pull myself together or else I make a fool out of myself.

I take a deep breath and then move my hand over hers, stroking it from base to tip, just how I like it.

When I look at her face, I can see she looks at our hands in awe and with concentration. She takes everything in, and after a few moments, I feel her hand moving on its own accord. It feels so good, I lay my head back against the pillow and just look at her face. Her cheeks are red with anticipation and her mouth slightly open. And her hand is stroking me perfectly, like that hand was made to stroke my dick. Only my dick.

Confident Ana, what a fucking gorgeous view she is.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Here we go. Little later than normal, but still on time to honor the daily updates! Hope you enjoy this one, things are happening for Ana that are very important as the story goes on. Enjoy! xx**

Chapter 11: Trusting you.

It has been nine days since I came to Italy and so many things have changed, it is hard to process everything. First, mom and dad know everything. And by everything, I really mean everything. After I told them what was going on at home, we had various conversations about it. Conversations in which mom and dad asked questions, but also once were they just let me talk, and they would listen. It is such a relief to talk about it, and I truly wonder why I didn't tell them sooner.

Secondly, dad had been mailing with the managing board of the school, about my transfer. At first, they didn't really sound positive and they had the nerve to question my story. Dad obviously didn't accept that and made sure he got a phone number so he could tell them exactly what he thought about their response. That's when he got them to agree this situation had been going on for long enough, and they gave me the green light to transfer. They still need to talk to the management of the other school, but dad says that it is just a formality. So I will go to a school on the other side of Savannah. It is fifteen minutes further away from home, but that doesn't matter. If it will be better, I would drive six hours to get there.

The third one is that I've visited Rome yesterday. Mom, dad and I drove there early in the morning and we have spent the whole day there. Even though I haven't seen nearly everything, I did see the Colosseum and the Trevi fountain, which are both as impressive as they appear to be, and St. Peter's Basilica which was beautiful as well. I have to say that even though one day isn't nearly enough, I'm happy to be back near the beach and pool again. It was insanely hot to walk around a town, also because there was almost no shade at all. Here I can at least dip in the pool when the sweating is getting too much.

Another reason why I'm happy it was only one say, which is probably also the main reason, is Christian. We have to spend every day together, except for the ones where he needed to go to Florence with his parents and sister, and yesterday when I was in Rome.

We do all kinds of things, we went snorkeling, we went to the dancing night the animation team organized and Christian rented a scooter again so we could drive around a bit and see what else is nearby. It is truly the perfect summer romance.

Really a romance, because he's got me doing things I never really thought I would do. Physically that is. After that day in his hotel room, which was really something I have to say, it is like I can't stop touching him. And Christian has the same with me. Every time we kiss, I feel his hands move down from my back and I also dare to let my hands wander. It is so exciting and new, and he never pressures me. He always is sweet about it and lets me decide the pace.

We haven't done anything else yet. We've just touched each other. I have seen him naked since he just drops his pants every time I want to touch him. He is so comfortable with that, which makes me wonder sometimes how many times he has dropped his pants for a girl. Probably a lot, but right now he is doing it for me, so I will myself to think about that.

He hasn't seen me naked yet. He has touched me, but only with clothes still on. I'm a bit nervous about it. Although Christian tells me how pretty he thinks I am, I still feel very aware of my body. And especially because of his experience, I'm a bit scared he will be disappointed. I bet all the girls he was with were slim and tall. I'm neither, so I am hesitant. It's not that I don't want him to see it because I do. The last time I saw him I almost went for it, but then I chickened out. I just need a little more courage I think.

Today, I'm meeting Christian again. Mom, dad and I just had breakfast and Christian and I decided that I would go to his hotel room when I was done, so we can go from there. I'm not really sure what we are going to, but I think I just want to relax at the beach. In four days I will be flying home, and I really want to work on my tan for a little bit.

"I'm going." I tell mom and dad. Mom is doing the dishes in the small kitchen and dad is sitting on the porch, drinking his coffee.

"Have fun. Remember that we are going out for dinner tonight." Mom says while giving me a small wave.

"I will." I smile. Like I could forget that. We are having dinner at the resort again tonight because I loved the pasta I got there last time.

"And Annie, make sure you protect your skin, your back looks a little red." Dad says without looking up from the paper he is reading.

I roll my eyes. I know he is right because I was stubborn again. I thought my skin was used to the sun by now, so I thought I could use a lower protection crème. I was wrong, and now I am a little bit burned. But I took care of it by putting after sun on it and I have faith it will turn out to look like a tan in a few days.

"I will, dad. You two also have fun today. I'll see you around five." I tell them, earning a nod and a wave from both of them before I start my walk to the hotel where Christian is waiting for me.

When I enter the hotel, I'm greeted by the guard who is always standing at the door. By now, he recognizes me, which is fun. He always greets me and then gives me a high five. Everybody that works here is very nice. I would love to come here again in the future.

When I'm standing in front of Christian's door, I only have to knock one time before it immediately flies open. Before I register what is happening, I'm being pulled into two strong arms.

"Fuck, I've missed you. Promise me these next four days will be for me." Christian mumbles against my neck while holding me tightly to him. It makes me giggle.

"Hi. Missed you too. I promise you will be the number one priority the next few days that are left of my vacation." I smile.

Even though I say it with a smile on my face, it makes me very sad to think about going home. I wish I could stay here forever, just Christian and me. In four days I will be flying home, and then I will probably never see him again. The thought makes me so sad.

We haven't talked about what happens when I return back home. It's like we both live in the moment and we both don't dare to talk about the end of our romance. I have no idea what his thoughts are about us, but I do know that it is not possible to have a long distance relationship. The distance is way too big, and he'll go to college. I know what happens in college, and I wouldn't want to be the reason he missed out on that. Even though I hate the thought of him with someone else, I know he is going to do that. And I think it's best to just let it stay like this, a romance in Italy. I'll always have the memories.

"That's a very serious look on your face, baby." Christian says while letting go of me.

Baby. He has been saying it since that day in his hotel room. When I made him come, he almost screamed it, and after that, it kind of became my new name. I like it. I always feel butterflies when he calls me that, especially when we are out in public when people can hear him. It is like he doesn't care and that he is proud of me.

"Yeah, sorry." I mutter. I really don't want to tell him what I was thinking about, but I have a feeling he will ask me in a few seconds.

He looks at me, reading my expression for a moment. Then he speaks.

"What were you thinking about?

Damn it. I can't lie. I promised myself not to lie to him. He was the first one who I told the truth, and I want to continue that until we say goodbye. So, here we go.

"I was just thinking about what will happen in four days when I leave. It makes me a little sad that I won't be seeing you again."

His expression changes with every word I speak, from happy and carefree to sad and worried.

"Oh, yeah. That thought suck doesn't it?" He says. "But you need to think positive here. We have four whole days left, and I plan on making sure you will never forget those four days, so you will always have a good memory."

It makes me smile. He is honest and doesn't tell me things he can't fulfill. He knows we can't start a relationship, for the same reasons as I know it. Maybe he would want to, but he knows he is going to college and what is waiting for him there. I'm not sure, but I'd like to think he is protecting me from all that by just talking about the here and now.

"You're right. We are going to make amazing memories. Starting now. Are we going to the beach?" I ask while smiling. I don't want to think about home and missing him anymore, I just want happy thoughts. And Christian really is my happy thought.

"Yeah, I just need to get in my swim trunks, one moment." He says and before I know what's happening, he has dropped his pants and boxers.

Oh my God, he is way too comfortable around me and it makes me blush the color of a strawberry. I try really hard not to look at his thing, but it is like very in my face and very impressive. He is just walking around the room, looking for his swim trunks like it is the most normal thing to do.

When he sees me watching, he smirks and just stands in front of me, like he is letting me have a good look.

"Christian! Come on, put some pants on and let's go." I tell him, faking annoyance and acting like I wasn't looking at all.

"You really want me to? I think you kind of like the view." He smirks, still not moving. I can feel my cheeks getting hotter by the second.

"I do. I want to swim, and if you don't hurry up, then I will go alone." I tell him, really trying to sound serious, but I know I'm failing.

"Alright, don't get pissed off. We'll go.' He says before walking into a straight line into the bathroom, before coming out of there two seconds later in his swim trunks. Asshole.

"You knew they were there, didn't you?" I ask him while looking at him like I can't believe he just faked that he was looking for them.

He smirks and nods his head proudly. "Yeah, I thought you deserved a peek." He winks.

I just roll my eyes and walk to the door. Only when I turn my back towards him, I smile. Did I enjoy that peek or what?

* * *

Christian and I are both laying on one big bed under a beach umbrella, me in the shade, Christian partly in the sun. I'm laying on my belly while reading my book while Christian just looks at the sea. He looks super handsome with his sunglasses and tanned skin. He really got a huge tan, which is unfair considering he doesn't seem to put any effort into it. I'm laying in the sun for hours, sweating and biting my teeth to get a tan, and at the end of the day, you don't even see it. And Christian just lays in the sun for about ten minutes and he looks like he lives here.

"Are you coming for a swim?" He asks just when I'm done reading my page.

"Sure, but I don't know if I will go in fully. It was a bit chilly last time." I tell him while putting my book under my beach towel.

"Cool." He says, pulling off his glasses before waiting for me to get off the bed.

When I'm off, he waits until I'm next to him before he grabs my hand and walks to the ocean, pulling me with him as he goes. On our way to the sea, I see various girls looking at me, probably wishing that they were me right now. It makes me feel proud, I finally have something other girls want, even if it's just for another four days.

I'm so caught up in looking around, I don't notice Christian is squatting in front of me. I only see it when I am already too late. He picks me up by my hips and throws me over his shoulder and then runs the last few steps into the ocean, making me scream in the process.

"No! Christian, please. I'm begging you, don't." I yell, in the meantime hitting him on his back and ass.

"Begging? That sounds interesting." He says before standing still in the sea, his is standing in the water up until his knees. "What will you beg for?"

"Um? For not to get thrown into the water." I tell him.

"Okay, what will you give me in return?" He asks, letting me drop a few inches, making me squeal.

"Anything!" I giggle while clawing my hands into his back to prevent him from throwing me in.

He lets me slide down his body very slowly, my front against his, letting me feel every glorious muscle. When I'm standing on my own feet in the water again, he pulls me against him, nose to nose.

"I want you to go into the sea with me and when we are in far enough, I want you to put your legs around my hips. After that, I want you to kiss me, like you kissed me when we were laying on my bed. Slowly." He whispers against my mouth before pecking it two times.

I can feel my cheeks getting red. He liked it when we kissed slow, just like me. It was so sweet and gentle, and we know each other even better now, which is probably going to make is more intimate.

I just nod my head for Christian to move into the sea further, before following him as he goes. When the water reached his chest, he turns around with a boyish grin and mentions his hand for me to come to him.

Because I'm smaller than him, the water almost reaches my chin and my hair is almost completely wet. It is not as cold as I thought it would be now that I'm in far enough. It's refreshing.

"Come here." Christian says when I'm standing in front of him, pulling me by my waist to him so our bellies are touching.

I move my arms around his neck before jumping a little and moving my legs around him as well. The moment I'm in the position he wants me, I feel him against me. He is hard and huge and feeling him right there makes me feel all kind of things. From excited to nervous and everything in between.

"Just like this." Christian mumbles while never looking away from me, watching my reaction. I think he does it to make sure I'm okay with this.

His arms wrap around my lower back and he pulls me against him even closer. "Okay?"

I just nod my head and smile. This is something I have thought about back home. That if I'd ever meet a guy that got my attention, I would want him to do just this. I never thought it would actually happen and in Italy none the less. Not to mention with Christian. It is a dream come true, for so many reasons.

"How about that kiss?" Christian grins while looking at my lips. It makes me giggle.

I give him what he wants because I want it just as much. My lips meet his and they start to slowly move against each other. Sensual and sweet. His tongue asks for permission not long after, and I can't help but let myself fall completely into it. In how his tongue works against mine, how his teeth nip my lips and how he sometimes sucks on them. He is an amazing kisser, and because he is so good, it's almost like I'm okay at it as well.

I feel him move his hips against me, touching that spot that makes me go weak. When he does it again, I can't help myself and let out a soft moan. It makes Christian pull back from the kiss to look at me.

"That sound is so fucking sexy, baby." He groans.

"Ssh, people can hear you, you know." I tell him while looking around to see if people are close by. Thankfully I only see a couple of children and their mom and an older man, not too close.

"So?" He smirks while raising his eyebrow.

So? Is he crazy? I don't want to get caught for indecent behavior.

"Behave." I tell him while slapping his chest, making him chuckle.

"Okay, okay." He says, giving up and agreeing that it is not appropriate. "Cooled down enough?"

I nod my head and smile. I have to say I'm relieved he doesn't go further with the whole kissing thing because I am not that comfortable with that. I've only just learned to be comfortable around him when we are alone and doing stuff, this would definitely be a step too far.

We walk out of the water and I'm about to walk back to the bed when he grabs my hand and pulls me to him again, our feet still in the sea.

"How about we have a shower in my room? It's almost 2 and I want to take you for a drink later before you go home." He says nonchalantly.

A shower. Does he mean together? I guess so since he is talking about 'we'. Am I ready for that? I don't hate the idea. Why not? I should just take the change. Have that courage.

"Okay." I smile while blushing. God, he had seen me blush so many times, he must think it is my real complexion.

Christian smile widens the moment I say okay. I think he is a little surprised by my answer. "Yeah?" He grins while looking at me. He seems so excited, it makes me giggle.

"Yeah, let's have a shower." I tell him while nodding my head so he knows I really mean it.

"Let's go then." He smiles before taking my hand and walking to the bed. There he grabs my book, his sunglasses and our towels at a rapid pace before he grabs my hand once again and starts walking towards the hotel. Determined and fast, like he is afraid I will change my mind.

I can't help but giggle while walking just as fast to keep up with him. I won't change my mind. I want this. With him.

* * *

When we are walking into his hotel room, he immediately closes the curtains and puts on the dim lights, before he turns to look at me. His eyes are a little darker than normal and they are almost undressing me. His stare is so intense, it makes me feel naked already.

"Are you sure? I was just saying it because it popped into my mind, like an impulse. If you're not ready, we won't do it. Then I'll just wait here until you had your shower and I'll go in after you." He tells me while grabbing both of my hands reassuringly.

I can only smile. He is the sweetest person I've ever met. So compassionate, like his first priority is making me feel safe and at ease.

"I want to. I'm just a little nervous since I have never been naked with someone, obviously. But I want to. I trust you." I tell him, and to my surprise my words are true.

I trust him. I know he won't do anything that I wouldn't want and I trust him to make me feel safe. He does it all the time, so I know he will also do it now. I trust him, and I have never been happier to learn that it still is possible for me to have trust in someone.

"Come here." He whispers before opening his arms so I can step in them. When I do, he just pulls me against him and holds me. My head against his chest, hearing his heartbeat.

"Thank you for trusting me." He tells me before I feel him walk backward, into the bathroom. When he stops walking I look up and see that we are standing next to the walk-in shower.

He steps away from me, not too far but just enough for him to pull off his shirt and step out of his swim trunks. When he is standing completely naked in front of me, he looks at me expectantly.

"Do you want me to get in? I can turn around if you want?" He asks, sounding a little nervous all of the sudden.

I just shake my head no. He will see me anyway, there is no need to postpone it. I let my eyes go up and down his body one time, taking him in. He looks really good. His shoulders are broad, his chest and abs look strong and there is a little trail of hair from his bellybutton to his pubic hair. His legs are muscled and his thing... well, I'm pretty sure it is impressive as well. It is not completely hard like it is when I touch him, but he is not soft either. And I think he is above average. I wouldn't know for sure because I have only seen his, but I know what the average size is from magazines and he is definitely bigger than that.

"Yoo, kind of getting a bit cold which isn't really good for my boy over here." He smirks, getting my attention away from said boy.

"Yes, sorry. You don't have to turn around." I tell him before grabbing the hem of my dress and pulling it over my head. After that, I immediately open the closing of my top, letting it fall on the ground before taking off my bikini bottom as well. All in, without thinking.

When I look at Christian's face again, I see him looking up and down. He is taking in every inch of my body and when I look down I see that he likes what he sees. The fact that his body reacts like that, makes me feel a little less nervous. It must be a good sign.

"You are gorgeous." He mumbles before grabbing my hand and pulling me into the shower.

He puts it on and makes sure the temperature is good before he stands under the big showerhead and pulling me under it as well. Our bodies are almost touching and our noses are just centimeters apart. I feel his breath on my face while the water is pouring down on us.

"You look amazing too." I tell him, only now realizing that I didn't even give a reply to his compliment.

He smiles a sweet smile. "Thanks."

We are standing like this for a few moments before Christian turns around a little to reach for the shower gel that is standing on the tray behind him.

"Can I?" He asks while holding the shower gel up.

Oh, God. I feel my cheeks heating up again and all the butterflies in my belly are loose.

I just nod my head before turning my back to him, so he can start there. He can do my back first, so I can myself to calm down a little bit before he is going to touch my breasts.

In no time I feel his soft hands on my skin, moving in circles and making sure not one spot stays untouched. His touch is loving and sweet, he is taking his time and lets me adjust to the feeling. He can read my body so well, I just know he saw I was a bit tense.

"Your skin is so soft. It is amazing. It feels so good in my hands, you are stunning Ana. Truly. Never doubt that." He mutters in awe.

I'm shocked when I realize that I believe him. I really think that he means what he says. He thinks I'm pretty, stunning even. And it makes me feel so special and wanted, for the first time I feel like I am good enough. That I'm worth it. That I'm worth being seen.

I feel his hands on my shoulder before he turns me around. When he looks at my face, his eyes widen, worry in his gaze.

"What's wrong?" He whispers while his thumb moves over my cheek to wipe away the tears I didn't know were falling.

I shake my head. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It's just, you make me feel so wanted and cared for. I have never felt like this. You truly have no idea how you changed my life. This is something that I will carry with me forever. Every time I'm in a dark place, you will be the one I'm thinking about. You and this moment, where you cherished me. And I just know you will help me get out of that place. You are saving my life."

He doesn't respond. He just puts his lips on mine and kisses me as if his life depends on it. Strong, yet careful and sweet. Just like his personality. His arms find their way around me and pull me against him, letting me feel every inch of him while standing under the stream of water. We just stand there, him stroking my back while my hands are wrapped around him as well. After minutes he speaks, his voice a little raspy, making me think he is swallowing back his own emotion.

"You are so welcome. You have no idea how amazing it is to see you glow like this. You are gorgeous, inside and out and I will cherish you and this vacation forever. Thank you for giving me the best memory of my life."

I really don't want to because I know this can't be anything more than just a memory, but I can't help it. I feel it in my whole body like it is taking over my senses. I can't stop it, even though I know this is not how it's supposed to be. There is no future here. Him and I, it would never work. But it feels too good, so I allow myself to feel it. Just for the next four days. After that, I will pull myself together and take everything he gave me back to Savannah.

Right now, under this shower with Christian holding me, I'll just enjoy the feeling of falling in love.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: We are coming close to the end of summer, but not just yet. I am so excited for you to read where this story is going, I think I will surprise you. Anyway, first this one which is a nice one if I say so myself. Enjoy! xxx**

Chapter 12: Summer dinner.

Spending the days with Ana in the sun is great, but there is also a downside to it. It makes the days go twice as fast which means the day she's leaving is coming closer way too soon. In three days she will leave me and go back to Savannah. And I have to spend a whole week here, where everything will remind me of her and the time we shared.

I knew that the day she'd leave would come and ten days ago, it probably wouldn't even have bothered me that much. I was planning on having a lot of chicks here. But everything changed. She made everything different. It is like I'm not thinking the same as I did when I arrived here. I didn't think it was possible, but I truly think she changed me.

To be honest, the real feeling that it changed, got to me yesterday. We were standing in my shower together, and she told me she trusts me. The fact that I make her feel comfortable and safe enough for her to tell me that, means more to me than I will ever admit. She was so broken and shy when I met her, her eyes didn't have a spark and she didn't thought she was enough. I changed that for her, by just being myself.

Me. Not the cool, arrogant asshole that works off a line of girls. She likes Christian, the guy who talks about sports and enjoys visiting hidden places. The guy that talks about his feelings and the one that can listen to her for hours. She seems to make all of it so easy.

And now, when she leaves, it will be with that spark in her eyes. It will be with more confidence than when she came here. And I hope she will leave with the recollection of our time together glued to her memory, so she can get strength out of it whenever she needs to.

She also told me the thought of her going back to Savannah makes her sad because she won't be able to see me again. I have thought about that too, and the truth is that I wish I could change that. But I can't. I'm off to college next year in Seattle and Seattle is a long way from Savannah.

I have no idea what's waiting for me there, how it will be and what I will do there. I can't just drag Ana into something so unsure. Not now that she's finally got that bit confidence in herself. A long-distance relationship could ruin that since she wouldn't know what I do in Seattle when she isn't around. And the same goes for me.

Now that she is more confident and that she is going to a new school, it is only a matter of time before other guys will notice her. They will see her, her beautiful eyes, bright and happy and her smile. And they will all lose their minds and go crazy for her. They will fight over her, and I won't be around to stake my claim. I will not be there to tell them she is mine. I just know I would go insane in that situation.

So, the best thing to do is to end it while we're here, in Italy. So it will be reminded as the perfect summer love. It will hurt like a bitch, but Ana will come out of it stronger. She will get through it, even though it will hurt her too. And in a few months, when she has friends at her new school, she will find love with one of those fuckers there. One that can claim her and sees her every day. The thought makes me sick, but it is how it's supposed to be.

I'm not good enough for her anyway. Back home, I'm the player. I'm the guy that gets what he wants, without making any effort. And when I've had it, I get on to the next one I want to have, without even looking back. It's the perfect mindset for college, and I'll get out stronger every time because nobody will get to the real me. The real me that Ana got out of me. This is how everything was planned.

After our shower yesterday, we just chilled in my room. We talked and kissed, enjoying each others company. She left to have dinner with her parents and then went with them to their mobile home, so she could spend some time with them as well. She is so close to her parents and I'm very glad that she is, but I can't help but feel a bit jealous of them. They can spend all the time they want with her back home, yet I have to make the best out of these three days. That jealousy is confusing the hell out of me. Feelings are fucking bullshit, I swear.

"What did you think of the Trevi fountain?" Ana asks me, pulling me out of my thoughts.

We are sitting in the pool area of the resort. We both have a lounge chair and I just got us drinks. She was reading her book and I was basically staring at her reading until my thoughts took over and brought me to a less happy place.

"It was nice. I really didn't have a vision in my mind, so I didn't have an expectation. But it was impressive. I can see why people want to see it." I tell her honestly.

"Did you throw a coin in it?" She asks, looking at me like she expects me to say yes.

"No. Why would I do that? Throwing money in a fountain isn't really something I do. I like to buy things with money." I tell her. I've never really understood what that whole thing was about anyway. I think it is bullshit. You can't wish for happiness, you have to make your own happiness.

"Oh my God. Do you not know about the myth of the Trevi Fountain?" She says, her eyes wide with disbelieve.

Jesus, here we go. I'll probably get a story about one of those novels she reads, about how you will find true love when you wish for it while throwing money in the fountain.

When I shake my head, she talks again.

"When you stand with your back to the fountain and you throw a coin over your left shoulder with your right hand, the myth promises you that you will come back to Rome. When you throw two coins, you will meet your true love in the eternal city and when you throw three coins, you'll either get married or divorced." She's so serious.

"And how many did you throw in?" I ask her, my gaze fixated on her face. I don't know why, but I hope she only threw in one.

"Two. I didn't want to take the risk to throw in three, I mean there is a fifty percent chance I'll get a divorce." She giggles, making me chuckle.

Her giggle is something I hope to remember forever. The way it sounds and the way her nose pulls up a little when she does so. It makes me happy and always brings a smile to my face. It is the way I want to remember Ana. Carefree and happy, like she is right now.

"Well, I hope the myth will give you what you want." I tell her.

She smiles and nods her head before putting her nose in her book again. I follow her body, looking at her while she is sitting in the sun. Over the last days, she's got a tan and her bruise has finally started to fade. There is only a yellow spot where first was a blue bruise. I'm happy it is almost cone, so it can't remind her of what happened.

"Enjoying the sun, you two?" I hear my mom ask, making my head shoot up like I had no idea she was in Italy too.

I just nod my head while Ana responds with enthusiasm.

"We are. There is a light breeze here, which makes it pleasing. Are you also taking a dive?"

Mom nods her head. "We are, Carrick and Mia are coming in a few moments. Mia saw a necklace she really wants to have and dragged her dad along to convince him how great it will look on her." She chuckles.

Ana giggles. And I just sit there, waiting for my mom to leave. I really don't want to share Ana with them. No offense, my parents are okay. This vacation made me realize they are not that bad, considering that they gave me my own room and let me do what I wanted. But I want to spend my last days with Ana alone.

"Ana, how about you and your parents join us for dinner tonight at the restaurant of the hotel? I'd like to get to know the girl my son spends his whole vacation with." Mom says, making my eyes widen.

What the fuck? Why would they want that? Only to fuck with me I assume. They have absolutely no other reason whatsoever to get to know Ana. Mom really is overdoing it now with the whole 'meeting the girl of my son' thing. And Ana isn't even my girl.

"Um, sure. I think my parents would be okay with that. We'll be there.'' Ana says, clearly surprised as well.

"Great. Would 7 pm. work for you and your parents?" Mom asks, clapping in her hands as she does. Fucking great.

"Yes. That would work. Thank you for inviting us." Ana smiles, ever so grateful.

"Your welcome. Enjoy the sun." Mom says before walking to the other pool and out of our view.

Ana looks at me and smirks. "That will be interesting."

"Fucking hell. Sorry about that. She is excited." I say while shaking my head.

"About?" Ana asks.

"You, I guess. I never introduced her to a girl before, so now she goes a bit overboard. I promise you they are nice people though, don't worry." I reassure her.

Ana just giggles. "It's okay. I like your mom. I bet she can get along great with my mom."

Probably. My mom is like the biggest chit-chatter in the world. It really takes courage to shut her up. And then dad, who is so full of himself and only likes to talk about business. Just great. And to top it off, Mia will be there. She will make sure to embarrass me just because she enjoys that, it is her way of showing that she loves me.

Just fucking great.

* * *

Mom, dad, Mia and I are sitting at the round table in the restaurant, waiting for Ana and her parents to arrive. After Ana and I chilled by the pool a little more, she went home to tell her parents about the invite. I haven't heard a cancellation, so now we are waiting for them here. And I'm fucking nervous which pisses me off. I am never nervous, yet with Ana, it's like I'm some nervous son of a bitch who can't keep it in check.

"What kind of girl is Ana, Christian? What are her interests?" Mom asks me, probably so she knows what to talk about during dinner.

"She likes books. Novels. And she likes history, she was very excited to see Rome and Florence." I tell them. I'm a bit careful with what I'm saying, considering what happened to her at school. I don't want to tell anything about that since it is Ana's story to tell, which she probably is not going to share with my parents.

"So she is a smart girl?" Dad says while raising his eyebrow, almost like he is surprised that I'm actually having fun with someone with brains.

"Yes dad, she is. You sound surprised?" I ask him while raising my eyebrow.

He shakes his head. "I'm not. It's just that, back home you never last more than two days with a girl. I'm wondering what's so different about Ana."

Yeah, welcome to the club. I've been asking myself that same question since I kissed her that night. The only conclusion coming out of that question is that she is somehow touching my heart which will make the goodbye so much more dramatic.

"She's just sincerely interested in me, I guess. Back home they don't look further than my appearance." I mumble. I have no idea why I tell them this, but at least now they know I'm not the only shallow person back there. Those girls are just as superficial.

"Does she likes clothes?" Mia asks me, successfully changing the subject which is very welcomed.

"Not really sure, but she is not as crazy about them as you." I chuckle.

Mia and clothes are inseparable. I'm not exaggerating when I say she owns a closet as big as my bedroom, and I swear it's starting to get too small. She is my dad's little girl and spoiled rotten. She gets everything done with him. Mom and Mia are more friends than mother and daughter. They go to nail salons and hairdressers together.

When I think about it, Elliot and I were always a bit of outsiders. It really is no wonder we screw around and don't want commitment, I pretty sure it is because Mia has been the favorite since she was born. I will tell mom and dad this sometime, that my behavior is technically their fault.

When I look around again to look for Ana, I just see her walking into the restaurant, her mom and dad behind her. She looks stunning in her long, soft beige dress with denim jacket. She is wearing her hair down and now that she is wearing a lighter color, you can see she has a healthy tan.

The moment she spots me, her face lights up. She smiles and gives me a small wave before walking over to our table. I can tell she is a bit nervous as well. It's nice to know she feels the same.

I'm also questioning myself how I should greet her right now. I want to kiss her and tell her how beautiful she looks, but on the other hand, I don't want my parents and her parents to witness all that. I know it would make Ana uncomfortable. But just saying hi to her seems so distant.

When they are all standing next to our table, Ana introduces her parents to my parents before walking over to me. She surprises me by kissing me on my lips very fast, her cheeks deliciously red, before she pulls back to look at me. Her hand is still holding onto my arm, making me feel relaxed instantly.

"Hi." She whispers while smiling up at me.

"Hi. You look so beautiful, I like this dress on you." I tell her, making her even shyer while she hides her face against my chest.

"Christian. Nice to see you again." Ray says while offering his hand for me to shake.

He sounds a little happier than last time I spoke to him, but I can tell he still doesn't like me that much. His handshake is so firm, I swear I hear my knuckles crack. It fucking hurts which I try really hard not to show. I completely understand him though. The man just discovered that his only daughter got bullied and abused at school, and now here I am acting like I am her prince charming. I give him the right to almost break my hand.

Ana's mom is sweet to me, her hand is soft and it feels like she is happy to see me. I think Ana told her a little bit more about me then she told her dad, considering I see her mom winking to her after she said hello to me.

"Please sit." Mom says after everybody said hello. "Thank you for joining us. I thought it would be good to meet each other since our children are spending so much time together."

Mom is great in getting the conversation going. She really is interested in people. In what they do and what motivates them to do it. I got that from her. She is also good at reading people, just like me.

"Thank you for inviting us. We've already met Christian and Ana told me a lot about him. He seems like a perfect gentleman." Ana's mom smiles.

I raise my eyebrow at dad. Take that, man. I'm a gentleman. You must be so shocked now.

Our parents start talking about Italy and everything they did here, so that gives me the chance to talk to Ana a bit. She is sitting next to me and her hand is holding mine under the table. She is squeezing it tightly which lets me know she is still nervous even though our parents are making conversation.

"Relax. They are talking and you are sitting right next to me. No need to be so tense." I whisper in her ear while leaning to her a bit.

"I know." She smiles while moving her head so she is looking at me. "It's just that I haven't ever done something like this. And I'm not a very social person so this just feels a little awkward."

It makes me smile. She is so cute when she is nervous.

"Don't worry. Even if you were a social person, this wouldn't be easy, trust me. I am social and I was sweating my balls off just now. But I see that our parents are talking to each other now, so I think this is going to be fine."

She nods her head while looking to her right, where our parents are sitting. My mom and Ana's mom seem to get along great just as I thought. Dad and Ray seem to have a serious conversation, probably about business.

"So Ana, what is your favorite fashion brand?" Mia asks, trying to make conversation with Ana.

It makes me smirk. I'm really curious about how Ana is going to handle this. She isn't wearing any designer clothes, which I love. She is just stunning wearing simple things and she isn't spoiled. Mia is completely her opposite, wearing a lot of make-up and Chanel, Gucci and Prada are to her what H&M is to others. All thanks to daddies credit card of course.

"Oh, um, I guess I like Paul Valentine. I got a watch from mom and dad for my birthday from that brand. It's gold and simple, but I really like it. It's not really a fashion brand though, more jewelry." Ana says, surprising me.

Mia just claps her hands. "Oh, I love his watches! You have a great taste, I can tell. I love the glasses you're wearing. They give you that cute dorky look, I wish I could pull that off. Is it Calvin Klein?"

Fuck sakes, here I thought Mia would be the outsider during this dinner. Is she fucking kidding me?

"No, this is Tom Ford if I remember correctly. I got it two years ago at the optician. And I actually need them to see, they are not just for a dorky look." Ana giggles, obviously enjoying Mia's enthusiasm.

They keep talking about clothes. I can tell Ana is not really interested in clothes, but she enjoying the conversation with Mia so she just talks along. After a few minutes, mom asks Ana a question, and I can instantly see the discomfort in Ana's demeanor.

"So Ana, how is school? Last two years in High school I presume, just like Mia?"

I look at mom, who is looking interested at Ana. Ana is biting her lip and fiddling with her hands. Fuck, how are we going to solve this one? Think, Grey.

"She is. And you know what, mom? She is going to take creative writing as an extra class. She is very interested in English literature." I tell her, hoping that the conversation will go over to that subject. As suspected, mom catches on immediately.

"Oh, that's great. I love English Literature too! What are your favorites?" Mom beams, she loves books as well, thank God.

"Tess of the D'Urbervilles is my number one, but I've recently finished Ulysses and I have to say that it was a very good read as well." Ana smiles while squeezing my hand as a thank you.

Mom and Ana's mom are catching up on the book immediately and they start to have their own little book club right at the table. Dad and Ray are still in a very serious looking conversation and Mia and I are sitting there, looking at each other, both knowing nothing about the book that seems to be very popular.

"You look very smitten." Mia whispers while leaning over the table so nobody else hears her. Jesus, now I really wish I knew about the book in question.

"Shut the fuck up." I mumble, willing her with my eyes to stop this conversation immediately.

I really don't want to talk about what I feel because I have no idea what it means myself. And also because I don't want to take the risk of Ana hearing it since we haven't even talked about it with each other.

Mia just smirks and wiggles her eyes before looking from Ana to me. God damn, she knows. I will never live this down. And if Mia knows, it means that tomorrow mom and dad know and by the time we are back in Portland Elliot knows. Now I really want to stay here.

Got to love a blabbing little sister.

* * *

After dinner, everybody is saying goodbye outside of the restaurant while Ana and I stayed behind in the foyer to say goodbye with some privacy. Another day has passed, and I fucking hate it.

"It's really getting close now, isn't it?" Ana says, reading my mind.

I nod my head in agreement. "Too close. I wish you stayed for another week. How the hell am I going to survive here alone?"

This makes her giggle. "You'll find a way. There are a lot of cute girls here that are waiting for me to get out of their way." While she says it, her face looks sad. She tries to make a joke out of it, but I know better. She hates the thought.

"Hey, listen. This is not something I thought would happen. You and me, it has surprised me more than you know. I really wasn't planning this and I am certainly not planning on moving on to the next one once you are gone. This place, it will always be the place where I spend my summer with you, not with anyone else." I tell her while forcing her to look at me. She has to know that I will not take another girl to my room or anywhere else. This place will always remind me of Ana. Only Ana.

She nods and smiles, but I can still see the sadness in her eyes. She hates the fact that she is leaving just as much as me.

"Thank you for this summer." She mumbles, almost as if she is saying goodbye already. Not happening, baby.

"You are welcome, but we are not doing this now. We still have two more days left. And I will make sure I spend as many hours of those days as possible with you. And when you'll go to the airport, that's when we say goodbye, not one second sooner." I tell her, really trying to make something clear.

"Okay. Sorry." She whispers while moving her arms around my neck and burying her head in my neck, inhaling my scent. It feels way too good to hold her like this.

"Thank you for changing the subject at dinner. I didn't want to talk about everything again." She whispers.

"You're welcome. I could see you felt uncomfortable. I hate seeing you like that. It was no problem."

We stand like that for a few moments before I think about something I've been meaning to ask her. I have no idea what she will think of it, but I just can't handle the thought of not spending every hour available with her, so I have to ask.

"Do you think your parents would be okay with it if you'd spend your last night here in Italy with me? If you want that of course." I mumble against her hair, really trying not to overwhelm her with my question.

I have been thinking about how I can make these last two days special. Tomorrow night there are fireworks at the beach, and from my hotel room, we have the perfect view. I was thinking about ordering room service and eating on the balcony before watching the fireworks at 11.30. It would be even more perfect if she didn't have to leave after that. If she could stay with me and fall asleep in my arms. I just have to know what it feels like to wake up beside her. Even though it will only be that one time.

"I could ask them. I have no idea if they will be okay with it though." She tells me. After a silence, she speaks again and I feel relieved instantly.

"I would love to spend the night with you. So I will try my best to get them to agree."

I feel her lips move against my skin. I love the feeling of her lips on my skin. I wish she stayed longer, so we could get to know each other even better. Then she could maybe move her lips over other parts of my skin. The thought makes my dick go insane. I'm such a fucking perv.

"Just ask them, if you can't, it's okay too. I'll make these two days special either way. I promise." I tell her before kissing her head two times to seal the deal.

I don't care what I have to do, but these last two days of her vacation will be the most special and romantic days she has ever experienced. I will make sure of it. Because if there is one thing I've come to realize this vacation, it is that Ana is completely worth all the effort.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: How I wish the site of FanFiction had a like button just like on Facebook! I love all your reviews, you all have seriously great ideas and I might even use some of them if that's okay :). And some of you really make me laugh. You are the best! On with the story now. I'm not really sure about this one to be honest. I had so much dialogue in my mind for this chapter, and I really tried to write it as I saw it in my head, so I really hope you feel the same as me while you read it. I think this is an very endearing chapter, and it reminded me of my mom and dad while writing it. Let me know what you think. Enjoy! xxx**

Chapter 13: Butterfly kisses.

When my mom woke me up this morning, she told me breakfast was ready. It was a first for me since this vacation. The fact that mom had to wake me because I slept until 10. I'd like to think it was because I just had a very good sleep, but I know that wasn't the reason.

The reason is that I have been awake almost the whole night because I couldn't stop thinking about what will happen when I'll leave Italy. The day is coming closer, and in 48 hours I will be on the plane that takes me to Savannah. The plane that takes me away from Christian.

As hard as it is, I have to stop thinking about it and look at the positive sides. I promised Christian that I would. We still have two days, two days that Christian will make special. And with a little luck and the agreement of my parents, I can almost spend those 48 hours completely with Christian.

I know I will need a lot of luck now that I think about it because I have no idea how I'm going to get my parents to agree with me staying over in Christian's hotel room. I need a tactic because there is no way in hell mom and dad would agree if I just ask them while we are having breakfast.

So, I decided to have a girl talk with mom again. I have been meaning to ask her a few things anyway, so I figured this would be the best timing. If I get mom to agree, she can talk to dad about it. I think the changes are more in my favor if mom asks dad for his approval instead of me.

I plan on talking to her after breakfast. I'll ask her if she wants to walk on the beach with me, so dad can't hear us. I know that that won't be a problem since mom told me more than once that she will always be there to talk with me. I'm not really nervous about asking, but I am nervous about her reaction. I just know I will get questions about a certain subject.

Answers that I probably don't know the answer to, because I really have no idea what Christian expects of the night he wants to spend with me. But of course, I know there is a very real chance we won't just hold hands and kiss. And I have questions about that, questions that I hope my mom will answer for me.

Sex. I have asked myself if I am ready to take the step. I am sixteen years old, almost seventeen, but still. Sixteen years old and never in my life have I thought about having sex. Until I met this guy eleven days ago, and he literally turned my whole life upside down. And now I'm suddenly thinking about doing more with him than I already did.

Is it weird that he changed my whole way of thinking regarding that subject? I always thought that I would have sex with the person I was going to marry because that would be the person I would trust for one hundred percent. That would be the person that knows everything about me. And now suddenly I'm not so sure of that anymore.

Because when I think about my first time, I see Christian. I trust him to take it slow and take care of me. He has done so much for me already, I just know he will make that experience unforgettable for me as well. I am almost sure that I want it with him.

Almost, because there are two things that make me doubt it. The first thing is that I'm sixteen. Isn't that too young? I know a lot of girls at school already did it, and I also know people judge them for it. Sixteen is young, some even say that you are too naive to make decisions like that. But my feeling about doing it with Christian is so strong, I just am confused. What if I don't care about my age? Does that make it wrong?

The second thing that gives me doubts, is that I've known Christian for eleven days. Eleven days in which we talked and shared things I have never shared with anyone else. Eleven days in which I've learned to truly trust someone for the first time in my life, my parents not included. In those eleven days, he gave me my first kiss and first orgasm, I've met his parents and sister and he made sure I have more confidence than before. He is the reason I told my parents everything, so now everything back home is going to be different. But the fact is that they are still just eleven days. Isn't that way too soon to let someone be your first?

"Where are you with your thoughts, Annie? You slept until 10 and you still look like you could use some sleep." Dad says while eating his croissant.

He is right, I look horrible and exhausted. I fell asleep at 7, so I slept for three hours. I just couldn't find sleep and it was so frustrating, I ended up reading stupid magazines in hopes my eyes would become heavy.

"I just haven't had the best night." I tell him, taking a sip of my tea.

"I've slept very restlessly as well. Maybe it had something to do with the heat? I have a feeling the air conditioning doesn't work as it worked before." Mom says, mostly to dad. I know she wants him to have a look.

Dad rolls his eyes, making me smirk. "I have slept just fine, but I'll see if something is wrong with the thing after breakfast." He grumbles.

"Thanks, dear." Mom says while putting her hand on his. "In the meantime, we can have a walk Ana, do you want to? I've heard about a butterfly garden just outside the campsite. We can have a look there if you want?"

My mom is truly amazing. I can see that she knows something is wrong. She has developed the talent of reading me while we were on this vacation. I think it is because I told them the truth. She now knows the real me so well, she just feels it when I need to talk to her. It is nice.

"That would be great." I smile, instantly feeling a little better.

"You girls are doing the fun stuff and I have to work on the broken air conditioning, I see who drives this train." Dad says. I can tell he doesn't mean it though, he is just messing with us.

"And that's how it should be. You know who runs the world. Girls." Mom smirk before holding her hand up for me to give her a high-five.

I giggle and do it. My mom is really a cool mom. I know that if I had friends, they would like her as well. She is very modern and keeps up with who is hot and who is not. Even more than me sometimes. It is also the reason I want to talk to her. She'll know what I need to do.

"Hurry up, honey. Once you are done, we can see some unique butterflies. I don't want to keep your time away from Christian too long, I know you are going to miss him." Mom says before walking inside with her empty plate and glass.

I feel dad's eyes on me the moment mom disappears out of view, and I can tell he is going to ask me something about Christian.

"Are you really going to miss the boy?"

I nod my head while looking at him, not caring if he sees it in my eyes. "I will. He changed things for me that nobody could. You have no idea, dad. He gave me so much during this vacation. Things I can take back with me and use when I'm back home. I just wish we could stay longer."

"You know Annie, the longer we stay, the harder saying goodbye will be. I hate to see you so sad but try to focus on the fact that it happened, not on the fact that it's over. I know it is easy for me to say, but you should be positive. There is a whole new school waiting for you back home, with new people to meet and new teachers. This will be your year Annie, and you should focus on that. Please don't think too long about the fact that you said goodbye. Be happy that you met him." Dad says while reaching for my hand and giving it a squeeze. He is right, I have been thinking like that non-stop. Only thinking that doesn't make saying goodbye easier.

"You should have that walk with mom. Go on, I'll clean up the mess." He says after a few minutes of looking at me while I'm just looking at my plate. He knows I need to talk to mom.

"Okay. Thanks, daddy." I tell him before standing up and giving him a kiss on his cheek.

"You welcome, sweetheart."

* * *

Mom and I are walking through the green garden just ten minutes from the campsite. We are here for about fifteen minutes and I've already seen three gorgeous butterflies. It's a very relaxing experience to walk through this garden. It almost feels like this place will take all your worries away if you stay here long enough.

"How are you really feeling, sweetie?" Mom asks me when she is walking next to me again.

Here we go. I just need to be honest to her. She will know what to do. She will know what is best for me. She is my mom.

"I just feel so sad that we are going home. The thought that after this, I'll never see Christian again, makes it so hard. I don't want to say goodbye to him, but I also know that there is no other way. I am so happy I met him because he has changed everything but at the same time, these feelings are so confusing that I wish it never happened so I don't have to say goodbye and feel horrible." I tell her. I hope it makes sense, I am struggling with putting my feelings into words.

Mom puts her arm around me and strokes my upper arm, letting me know she understands it just fine. "Falling in love for the first time always is confusing, Annie. The feelings overwhelm you and for a moment you think that if it ends, you will never be able to feel again. But you know what? it takes time. And in a few weeks, you are just happy that you have the memories. You will think about them with a smile on your face and you'll move on. Christian will always have a special place in your heart, and that is at the same time the way of keeping him close to you. He will always be with you, even more because he has changed so much for you. But it will get easier, sweetie. I promise."

I have a feeling she is talking out of her own experience. It's probably true that falling in love for the first time is something huge and new. And she is probably right about all the other stuff as well, but it still sucks right now.

"You are probably right, but it still hurts and I hate it." I tell her, leaning with my head against her shoulder while we are standing in front of a beautiful flowerbed.

"You are allowed to hate it. But keep in mind that you have two whole days to enjoy as well, so don't hate too much." She giggles before kissing the crown of my head.

It makes me giggle as well. "You are right. I'm going to enjoy them."

"You better. Do you already know how you are going to spend them?" She asks me.

This is it. I can ask her now.

"Actually, Christian had a plan, but I kind of need you and dad's permission for it." I tell her while looking at her. She doesn't say anything, she only nods her head for me to go on. Here we go.

"Christian asked me if I could spend my last night in Italy with him." I say it so fast that I wonder if mom heard it, but by her look, I can see that she heard everything just fine.

I can't really read the look on her face right now. I think I see her eyes smile a bit, but other than that her expression is very neutral. And I have no idea if that is good or bad.

"Does he now? And what do you want?" She asks, still not giving anything away.

"I want to spend the night with him." I tell her without hesitation, surprising myself a bit by how eager I sound. It makes me giggle and to my surprise, mom joins me.

'Oh, Annie, how wonderful it is to be young and in love." She mumbles while shaking her head. "What do you think will happen when you stay with him?

Good question, mom. That's why I need you.

"Well, I don't really know." I tell her while feeling my cheeks go warm. It really sounded like a good idea in my head, but now that I'm sitting here with mom I have no idea how to tell her that I might want to have sex with him. This is so awkward.

Mom just chuckles before speaking. "You don't have to tell me, honey. You just need to know that you always should do what your heart tells you to do. Listen to your feelings and be wise about them. Think about those feelings carefully, and when you are sure about it, then you will know what to do."

Is she talking in riddles or does she know exactly what I am thinking about? This is weird and amazing at the same time. Gosh, I really have the best mom in the world.

"Also when I'm just sixteen and I have only met him eleven days ago?" I ask her, hoping that she keeps understanding me and my doubts.

"Even then. I'm not encouraging you to do anything here, let me get that straight, but I trust you to know what's best for you. You are a smart girl, brave and you respect yourself. I can't make choices for you, sweetheart. You have to trust yourself." She says.

We sit in silence for a few minutes so I can think about what she said. I just have to listen to what my feelings tell me to do, and I have to be wise about them. I think I understand what she means. And the fact that she trusts me to make the right choice, means a lot to me. I do have one question now.

"Does this mean I can stay with him tonight?" I ask her hopefully.

She looks at me for a moment before looking back at the flowers. "I can't make that decision on my own, you have a father that has an opinion as well. I'll talk to him and I'll let you know the outcome."

This is why mom and dad are still together, I'm sure of it. They always talk about everything and they make decisions together. Mom never tells me what she thinks about it when I ask her something, she always waits until she has talked to dad and then they tell me their joint decision.

"Okay. Thanks, mom, you really helped me." I tell her before giving her a hug.

She smiles and kisses my head again. "You're welcome, now let's find some more butterflies."

I have asked her and now it's up to her and dad. I can only hope that they will let me stay at Christian's tonight. But if they won't then it will be okay as well, because I know that these days will be great days, with or without the night included.

* * *

The moment Christian spots me while I'm walking to him through the foyer of the hotel, he almost runs over to me and lifts me in his arms like he hasn't seen me in years. It makes me laugh, at least he is just as happy to see me as I am to see him.

He holds me close to him for at least a minute before puts me back on the ground again. The moment he does, his hands are on my cheeks and his lips are on mine, greeting me with a very slow, sweet kiss that lets me know he is really as happy to see me as he appears to be.

"I missed you." He mumbles against my lips, not even trying to pull away and speak a little clearer.

"I missed you too." I smile while pulling my lips away from his, earning a pout from him which is very cute. "What's the plan for today?"

"Well, I thought we could rent a pedal boat and explore the sea a bit. We can always have a dive when we get too hot." He tells me enthusiastically.

It sounds like fun. I have never been on a pedal boat before.

"Okay. Let's do it. Where do we rent one?" I ask him.

He smiles and offers me his hand. When I take it he starts walking through the doors and to the exit of the resort. "Just outside of the campsite. I saw it this morning when Mia and I had a morning run."

I nod my head and follow him. Not five minutes later we are standing at a dock with a few pedal boats floating next to it. Christian is talking to the guy who owns them and after a short talk, he has rented one of the boats and helps me get in before getting in himself.

"Ready to go?" He asks when he is sitting with his feet on the pedals as well.

"Ready." I nod my head before I start to pedal. It isn't as heavy as I thought it would be, and we are going pretty fast. Before I know it we are quite far from the shore. It is very quiet and the view is beautiful. In the distance, I can see some rocks and beaches, but we are completely alone here.

"Nice isn't it?" Christian asks me. When I look at him I see he is already looking at me with a content smile on his face.

"Very nice. It is so quiet and peaceful here. And we were just pedaling for fifteen minutes."

"We were pretty fast, you have some power in those legs, baby." He grins before putting his hand on my upper thigh and squeezing a bit, the he starts moving his hand up and down a little. I can tell he isn't planning on moving his hand. I'm okay with that though because I love the feeling of his hands on me.

"You have some nice muscled legs yourself." I smirk.

"Flattery will get you everywhere." He laughs before leaning over and pecking my lips. It feels so natural, like we have been doing this for years.

"I'm counting on it." I giggle, trying not to be distracted by his hand that is still moving up and down my thigh, dangerously close to the hem of my shorts.

I'm surprised by how smart my comments to him are. I have never been this direct in my responses, yet now I don't even have to think about them. Eleven days ago I would've been so shy when he complimented my legs, and now I just take it in and I'm even daring to flirt back a bit. By the look on his face, Christian notices it too. He is smirking and enjoying our flirting as well.

"Have you asked your parents about tonight already?" He asks after a few more minutes of comfortable silence.

"I have. I've asked my mom if I could stay with you, and she is going to talk about it with dad. I truly have no idea what they will decide. I couldn't read her and I can only imagine what dad will think about this." I tell him honestly.

He nods his head. "Fingers crossed then. Obviously, I hope that you can stay with me, but if you can't then that is okay too. We'll have fun either way. I'll just have to walk you back at a decent time, just like last time." He smiles, making me smile as well.

''That wasn't really a decent time, Christian.'' I giggle, making him chuckle as well.

''I know, but in my defense, I did told you a couple of times that you should go inside. You just weren't agreeing with me and kept kissing me.''

I roll my eyes. ''Right, because you really don't like kissing me at all.''

''No, I don't like it. I love kissing you.'' He says, surprising me and himself. Before I have a change to say anything about it though, he changes the subject.

"Let's have a dive, shall we?"

"Okay." I smile. It was probably just something he said on impulse, because we were teasing each other. I don't have to make a whole thing about it. I'll just have a dive and cross my fingers that mom and dad will let me stay with him tonight, so we don't have to say goodbye while standing against my mobile home.

Distraction. It's the best way to wait for an answer.

* * *

When I arrive at the mobile home a little while later to shower, mom and dad are already waiting for me on the porch. I can tell they have talked about my question and they now want to give me their answer because they are sitting next to each other and left an open seat for me across from them.

"Have a seat, Annie." Dad says the moment I stand in the porch.

I do as I'm told and look at them expectantly. The nerves are back in one blow and even heavier than they were before. I really hope they'll say yes.

"Mom and I had a little talk about your request." Dad begins, looking very serious, which doesn't really mean anything good. "Do you understand what you are asking of me, honey?"

I just nod my head. I know it must be hard for dad to decide something like this, even harder than for mom. I'm his little girl and he wants me to be safe. Even though he knows Christian a little bit, I know he doesn't trust him.

''You are asking me to trust a guy I've only met twice. A guy that you know for a few days. It really is something against my nature, Annie. I know you like him, and I am very happy for you, but you need to understand that this is a big thing. You are sixteen years old, not nearly a grown up and you've just discovered love. And now you want me to give you permission to spend the night with him, it is all going very fast.''

Dad takes a deep breath and I hold mine. I have a feeling he is going to say no and I already prepare myself not to look too disappointed. They gave me an amazing vacation and a lot of freedom already. I should be happy and grateful. He is also completely right, and I know Christian would also understand dad's point of view.

"Do you promise you will be careful and don't do anything you aren't ready for?" He asks me, surprising the hell out of me.

I can only nod my head with wide eyes. Is he serious? Or is he joking? Oh my God.

"I don't want hold you back in growing up, mom and I both were young once and I know where you are coming from. I trust that you know what you are doing, and because I can tell you really like the boy, I'm letting you go. But you have to be careful, Annie." He tells me, meaning more than one thing with careful.

I'm shocked and so happy. I can't believe it. They are the best.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I yell while jumping from my seat and running over to dad to hug him, making him chuckle.

"Thank your mom, sweetheart. She is one hell of a pusher and makes everything look less horrible than it is. I would have never said yes if she didn't convince me that this is good for you and that he is a good boy." He tells me while hugging me back.

"He is, daddy. He is." I mumble.

"He better." I hear him mutter, making me smile. "I love you, Annie. Go and make some good memories."

''I love you too.''

As I said, the best parents ever.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Are we ready for the night? I am excited for you to read it, but I also hate that we are at chapter 14 already, because saying goodbye really comes close now. You really need to enjoy this one, trust me! To all the mommies out there, I would have never agreed to let my daughter spend the night either, haha. But I have to say that I do believe this is very good for Ana. Her parents are showing her that they trust her and they want her to have the best summer, especially since she had two horrible years. So, let's enjoy their decision shall we?! :) xxxx **

Chapter 14: Fireworks.

It is around 5 and I'm walking to Christian's hotel room with my bag with stuff I need for tonight and I feel very nervous yet excited. I haven't spoken to him since my parents told me I could spend the night with him, so he has no idea.

He asked me to meet him in his hotel room, and I'm very curious as to what he has planned. He wouldn't tell me anything, just that I would enjoy the surprise. It makes me feel special, that he goes through lengths so he can surprise me.

When I'm standing in front of his hotel room door, I take a deep breath before knocking. It takes a little longer than normal for him to open the door, but when he does, the waiting is definitely rewarded. He looks amazing. He is wearing a white dress shirt with short sleeves and black jeans. The top buttons of his shirt are open and it looks like he just had a shower. He is so handsome and once again I wonder what he is doing with me.

"Hi." He smiles while stepping aside to let me in.

"Hi." I say before walking in and getting yet another pleasant surprise. The whole room is decorated with candles. The doors to the balcony are open and in front of them lies a blanket with what looks like a bottle of champagne and two glasses. It looks so romantic, it makes me shy.

"You like it?" Christian asks while putting his hands on my hips and pulling me against him, my back against his front.

I nod my head. "This is amazing and so romantic. I can't believe you did this for me."

"I promised you I would make these last days special, didn't I? I hope this counts as special." He says while sounding a bit nervous.

He must know that there is no need to feel nervous at all, right? This is every girl's dream. He dressed up and completely decorated his hotel room. Nobody will ever top this, I just know it.

"This is so much more than special." I tell him, still looking around the room.

"Good." He smiles before kissing my cheek and letting me go. "How about we have a seat and make a toast. It's white wine, and I thought you could join me in one glass. But if you are not comfortable with that then I have soda as well. It's up to you."

He is so considerate, It makes me feel safe. He lets me decide everything, which I really appreciate.

"One small glass wouldn't hurt." I smile before putting down my bag and walking to the blanket while Christian is already pouring the wine into two glasses. When he is done, he gives me one glass before making a toast.

"To a great dinner with a nice view." He says while raising his glass.

"To a great dinner and a great night." I tell him, trying to let him know that I will be staying the night. Only he just nods his head, not really understanding that by night, a really mean the whole night.

"Cheers." He says before taking a sip, making me giggle.

"What?" He asks while looking a bit confused.

"I said to a great night, as in the whole night." I tell him, hoping that he will understand it now. By the look on his face, he does.

His eyes widen and a huge smile appears on his face. He looks so happy, it makes me grin as well.

"You mean... You can stay with me?" He asks, his voice a bit soft like he doesn't want to ask the question out loud because he is afraid I will say no.

I nod my head, my smile still on my face. "I can stay with you."

"Fuck, baby. Best fucking night ever." He says before jumping on me and kissing me with force, making me spill my drink all over me.

"Jesus, fuck. Sorry. I was just excited and out of control. Damn it." He says the moment he sees my drink is now all over the front of my dress. Thank God it's not a white one.

I can only giggle. "It's okay. I'm glad you are excited."

"Yeah, well a bit too much. Do you have anything else to wear?" He asks me.

I haven't got any other clothes with me. I just packed a bikini, underwear, and my pajamas and some toiletries. I was planning on wearing this dress over my bikini tomorrow since I assumed we would have a swim.

"I'll just put on my pajamas and hang this dress on the balcony, it will be dry tomorrow when I want to wear it." I tell him, still a smile on my face. "This only makes it more fun, we can have a slumber party."

He chuckles and shakes his head. "And here I am all dressed up."

"Well, I liked it, but now it's time to put on pajamas. I mean if we are not going out anymore that is?" I ask him while looking at him in question. I have no idea if he has planned something else.

"I wasn't planning on going anywhere. But I normally don't really sleep in pajamas, just in my boxers." He smirks, watching my reaction carefully.

I have no idea if he really only sleeps in his boxers or if he is teasing me, but my cheeks are red and for a moment I just look at him. Damn it, what do I say now? He is waiting for my response, I can tell by the way he is looking at me.

I decided to just act casual about it and see if he really means it. "Okay, then you wear your boxers, I don't mind." I tell him, very steady if I may say so myself.

His eyes widen in surprise while he watches me walk to my bag and get out my pajamas. It's a soft pink short and tank top. I debated on bringing longer pants, but I figured it would be too warm.

When he still doesn't say anything, I just slip into the bathroom and leave him there on the blanket with wide eyes and his mouth slightly open. He can sit there and think about it. In the meantime, I'll change into my pajamas.

When I come out of the bathroom a minute later, he is still sitting on the blanket, and he still is wearing his clothes. He looks at me for a few seconds, scanning my body before he stands.

"That's cute." He nods at my outfit.

"Thanks." I smile, standing in front of him. It is a bit awkward all of the sudden, probably because I said that thing about his boxers. I hope I didn't offend him by telling him he should put on his pajamas as well. Maybe he thinks I don't like his clothes?

"You can keep your clothes on, I like them. I only said it because I thought that you thought I wouldn't say it." I ramble.

He just smirks and walks over to me. "Stop rambling." He says before pecking my lips and then grabbing my wet dress from my hands.

"Sit and relax." He says, nodding to the blanket before walking to the balcony and hanging my dress to dry. Then he walks to his closet and grabs a shirt, before getting himself out of his clothes and into the shirt, so he is wearing them and his boxers. When he is done, he sits down next to me.

"Let's do this again." He says, refilling my glass and then holding his up to make another toast. "To a great, whole night." He smirks.

"To a great, while night." I agree before taking a sip.

And what a night it will be.

* * *

"And then I just ran away, with my pants still around my ankles and the dog on my heels. I swear I've never been so scared in my life. I did got away with it though, without any bite marks on my ass." Christian laughs.

We've just finished dinner, which was brought to us by room service, and now he is telling me a story about a dare he had to do because he lost a bet with his friends. He needed to flash his behind in front of a random house. It is quite funny and it makes me realize how boring my life has been up until now.

"What about you?" He asks me, obviously wanting to know if I have a memory like that.

"Well, when you don't have friends, you don't really do stuff like that. I usually spent my Friday and Saturday nights at home with my mom and if dad is home with both of them. Or sometimes alone with pizza if they go out." I tell him. It sounds so pathetic.

"Fuck, right. Sorry." He says, realizing it was a bit of an unnecessary question.

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. I sometimes forget what your life is like back home. I just can't believe that you don't have thousands of friends. You are so much fun to hang out with, it really confuses me." He tells me while looking very sincerely.

I smile a sad smile. I wish everybody would think like him. That people would find me good enough.

"Me too."

"Come here." He says before pulling me to him so I'm sitting on his lap. It doesn't feel awkward or weird like it did the first time I was sitting like this. This time feels familiar and safe. I move my arms around his shoulders and bury my head in his neck, inhaling his scent. I take a moment to storage his scent, hoping that when I smell it anywhere else, it will remind me of this moment.

"On your new school, you will have so many friends and you are going to make all those stupid memories as well. Trust me. And then you will question my sanity because you are wondering why the hell I found it so hilarious." He whispers against my head, making me smile.

"I hope so." I mumble, not really believing it yet.

"You will. I'm not even talking about guys, because that will be insanity. They will go crazy and fight for your attention. You just need to remember that I was the one who gave you your first kiss." He says, wiggling his eyebrows, making me laugh properly.

"I will. I would never forget that. It is burned in my memory." I tell him honestly. He is burned in my memory.

"Good." He mumbles before kissing me.

He starts slow, just our lips touching and nipping, but when he moves his tongue through my lips, the whole kiss changes from sweet and soft to desperate and sexy in seconds. I have no idea who initiates it, but I do know we are both completely into it. Our tongues are battling and my hands move to his hair to pull him closer. His arms tighten around my waist, also making sure I won't pull back and stop the kiss.

I hear his breathing quicken and when his teeth nip my lip, I can't help but let out a moan. It does something to me, my whole body feels like it's on fire. When his lips move down to kiss and suck on my neck, I feel my belly clench, like it is in a direct connection with each other.

I feel his hands move towards my hips before he grabs them and repositioning me on his lap so I'm now straddling him. It happens so fast, I'm surprised by the fact he can lift me just like that while never stopping his assault on my neck.

"Ana, your skin is so soft." He mumbles against my neck, sounding like he is enjoying kissing me just as much as I enjoy it. His voice is raspy and it is the most sexy thing I've ever heard.

My hands grab his hair a little stronger while pushing him against me a little more, letting him know he can't stop. It feels so good. His teeth are leaving little bites on my neck before he soothes the spots with his tongue. It feels amazing. His hands start to move to my behind, kneading it while he moves my hips so I move against him. I can feel what it does to him through his boxers.

He groans against my skin while never stopping what he does. So much is happening right now, I have no idea on what to concentrate. On his hands, on his lips or on his thing, I truly have no idea. I only know it feels amazing and I don't want him to stop.

"Are you okay?" He asks me after a few minutes, his breathing is heavy and his hair is messy because of my hands. His mouth is red and slightly open and he looks so handsome, I almost can't believe I'm kissing and touching him like this.

Almost, because I can feel it really is happening. I feel him against me, I feel his hands on me. And I have a feeling that I will feel even more tonight.

"Yes. I like it." I tell him, never looking away from his eyes.

He nods his head and smiles a small smile. "Can I try something?"

I look at him in question. "What do you want to try?" I ask him, speaking softly, my voice still a bit raspy from excitement.

"Can I kiss you? Your body I mean? Can I use my mouth on you?" He asks, trying really hard to make sure I understand what he is saying.

I got him when he asked it the first time, and even though the thought scares me a bit, I think I also want him to kiss me there. But I am a little nervous about how he would find the experience. I mean, I have no idea if I taste normal. I'm so new to all of this.

"I.. I want you to." I mumble. "But I'm not really sure if you can."

He looks at me confused. "What do you mean? You don't think I can do it?" He asks me, almost defensive.

O God, now he is completely misunderstanding me.

"Oh no, you probably are very good at it." I tell him, stroking his head in the process. "I just don't know if it will be enjoyable for you. I mean, I don't know if I'm okay."

I must sound like an idiot. I am an idiot. I can't even talk about something like this like a normal person. I'm so weird.

"If you're okay? Baby, what the hell are you talking about?" Christian asks, moving his hands up to my back like he hopes I will be able to concentrate a little better on talking when they are not on my behind.

"God, I don't know. I'm so weird. It's just, what if you don't like it? Like the way I smell or taste? I mean, I have no idea if I'm normal." My head is so red right now, I'm scared it will explode. This is so awkward.

"Hey, you are not weird. You can talk to me, you know that right?" He asks while making sure I'm looking at him. I nod my head. Then he continues.

"As for your question, I am pretty sure I will love it, Ana. I honestly can't wait to go down on you, I have been thinking about it longer then you know. And trust me when I say that you are completely normal, although it would never be my way of describing you or your body. You are amazing, gorgeous and sexy as hell. And I want to taste you, so bad."

My eyes widen in surprise. "Really?" That was quite the speech.

"Yeah, trust me. I will enjoy it. But only if you are sure. It's only good for me when you are comfortable enough to enjoy it as well." He tells me, his hands moving up and down my side reassuringly.

God, can he be any more perfect?

"Okay." I shyly nod my head, immediately earning a huge smile from him.

First, he starts kissing me again, just as soft and slow as when we started. I feel him laying me down on the blanket in the process, his lips never leaving mine while he lays on top of me. His hips are moving against me, his hard member hitting the right spot every time he pushes forward.

"Do you feel that? Do you feel what you're doing to me? You drive me crazy, Ana." He mumbles after he pulled away from my lips, one hand on my cheek, stroking me.

He is looking at me in awe, almost like he is seeing me for the first time. His gaze is so intense, it makes me even shyer. I'm not sure, but it's like his eyes are burning with love. I'm probably mistaken because there is no way he would feel love for me after this short amount of time, but the thought that it is there is nice.

He starts to make his way down my neck, kissing every inch of my skin. When he reaches the top of my breasts, he runs his nose over the skin there, making me shiver. My heart is beating like a maniac, and I'm sure he can feel it with just the tip of his nose.

"Are you nervous?" He asks me, his nose still on my skin.

"A little." I whisper.

"Good or bad nerves?" He asks, now holding his head up to look at me.

"Good." I smile. It's true, I'm nervous but in a good way. I trust him.

He nods his head and then sits up in between my legs, on his knees. He pulls me up as well, so our eyes are level with each other. He then moves his hands to the hem of my tank top and pulls it up and off of me, revealing my simple, white bra.

"Can I take everything off?" He asks while his finger traces the cups of my bra, grazing my skin lightly as he does.

I just nod my head, unable to speak. Although he has seen me naked before while we had our shower, I feel like this time we are really crossing a line. Last time I got naked so I could take a shower with him, now he will take my clothes off for a completely different reason.

I try to think about what I want, but I can feel my body taking over. It's like it knows exactly what it wants, without thinking about it. The pull towards Christian is so strong, I can't stop it. I desire him. I want him. I feel it in my whole body. I have never been more sure about anything in my life.

So instead of telling him that he can take my clothes off, I move my hands to my back and open clasp of my bra before taking it off. Christian's face lights up the moment he sees me do it and his eyes move down a little to look at my breasts for just a moment. When his eyes meet mine again, they are almost black.

"Fucking hell, Ana. You have the best set of tits I have ever seen." He says while his hands grab both of them, making me gasp.

His hands feel rough against my skin, but his touches are sweet. He works on my breasts with his hands before his thumbs move over my nipples, making me moan. It feels amazing, he knows exactly what to do to give me that feeling.

Normally, I would probably hate the fact that he knows what to do because it means he has done it before, but right now I am happy he takes the lead. I need that. He needs to guide me in this because I have absolutely no idea what we are doing.

"Just feel, Ana. Don't think about anything else. Just feel my hands and mouth." He whispers before pecking my lips and then pushing me back, so I'm laying on the blanket again.

I do as I'm told. I try to relax a little bit and close my eyes, concentrating on Christian and his hands which are on my breasts again. A second later I feel his mouth on my skin as well, just above his hands. He is licking and kissing my skin again, and I feel him moving lower until his mouth replaces his right hand. His tongue is circling my nipple, before taking it in his mouth and sucking on it lightly, making it even harder than it already was.

I instantly arch my back and grab his hair. My whole body is taking over and the feeling is so good and intense, I seriously am a bit scared as to how it will feel when he goes further. My belly is clenching in anticipation of what's coming next and the moan that leaves my mouth is so sexy, I'm shocked it's coming from me.

Just when I think I can't take the feeling anymore, Christian starts to make his way down. His hands are back on my chest again and his tongue is stroking my belly until it reaches my shorts. He moves his hands down lazily, lightly grazing the skin as he goes before pulling down my shorts and panties at the same time. When he has taken them off completely, he starts kissing my pubic bone.

"Relax, baby. Let me take care of you. I'll make it so good for you. Trust me." He whispers while he moves his hands up and down my shaky legs. I can't seem to get control over my body, there are too many things happening and everything feels so good. I'm feeling too much and my body doesn't know on what to focus.

It thankfully doesn't seem to stop Christian, because he determinedly spreads my legs wide open for him and then gets in between. Just when I look down at him, he surprises me yet again by running his nose over me to inhale my scent, making my whole body blush. Oh my god.

"So good." He mumbles, his eyes closed while he takes in my scent. It seems like he really is enjoying this immensely.

Before I know it, his tongue replaces his nose and starts licking my skin, first just my lips but after a few moments his tongue spreads me and starts licking my most sensitive spot. And I lose it.

"Oh, Jesus." I breathe while my hands move into his hair and hold it, making sure he doesn't move away from me. He moans against me, giving his tongue just a little vibration. It feels so amazing, I had no idea it would feel like this. His tongue is moving in little figures over me, sometimes in circles and sometimes up and down, he knows precisely what to do.

His rhythm stays the same the whole time, steady and slow. Almost like he is giving me lazy kisses. He keeps moaning now and then, making the stimulant on my nub perfect. Absolutely perfect.

It doesn't take long before I feel I'm getting close. Christian notices it too because he picks up speed, making sure I get exactly what I need. The moment I come, I can only breathe his name over and over again. My hands are still in his hair, begging him to get me through it with his tongue. His hands are holding my hips still and his moans are more groans now.

When my body goes slack, Christian gives my nub one more kiss before moving up. He is still in his shirt and boxers, but I feel him throbbing against me. His lips find mine and kiss me, letting me taste myself.

"See how good you taste? Do you feel what your taste is doing to me? I fucking love it, baby." He says.

I look at him, taking him in. His chin is wet and his tongue runs over his lips, collecting my taste like it is his favorite dessert. The act was intimate, but this is even more intimate. He is so open about what he just did, and it turns me on even more. It's like what he did to me wasn't enough. I want everything he has to offer. I want to know what it feels like, with him.

My hands move down and drag his shirt off of him. He lets it happen and just he holds up his arms to help me. I move my hands over his chest before I grab his member in my right hand, making him hiss.

"Jesus, Ana. Easy." He gasps.

Fuck, I'm being way too eager and now I've hurt him. "Sorry." I mutter, moving my hand away from him.

"Don't be. It's just sensitive. You drove me crazy, being all wet and soft against my tongue. So good." He whispers before kissing me reassuringly.

Oh God, him talking like that does things to me but it also makes me so shy. I just decide to nod my head and focus on him, on making him feel good. I move his boxers down a little, freeing him so I can hold him in my hand. I stroke him up and down, just like he showed me last time. He is holding himself up with his arms, hanging over me and giving me the perfect view of his muscular body.

"Ana? What do you want?" He asks me after I have stroked him for a few moments. I can tell his is holding himself back and I think he wants to know if I want to do it with him. I'm a bit surprised that he is asking it to be honest because I'm sure my whole body and behavior are screaming yes.

"I want all of you." I whisper, trying very hard to get control over my breathing.

He pulls my hand away from his member so he can focus and then grabs my chin so I can't look away from his face. "Are you sure?"

"I am. I want you to be my first." I tell him instantly.

I am sure. I want to know how it feels when he is inside of me. I want to make sure I have experienced everything with him before I leave. Our romance was so special, I want to give him this. I want to give myself this.

"Come on, let's move to the bed. It's more comfortable." He says before standing and pulling me up. He guides me to the bed and when I lay in the middle, he opens his nightstand and grabs a condom. He was prepared.

When he has dropped his boxers completely, he sits in between my legs and starts rolling on the condom. I look at him doing it in fascination, he is so comfortable with his body, it amazes me every time. When he is done, his hands move up and down my thighs.

"Are you ready for me?" He asks while looking at me, giving me an out one more time.

I'm not taking it. I just nod my head and bite my lip in anticipation. I know it will hurt, but I also know Christian will take it slow and help me through it. He will take care of me.

He takes a breath like he is calming himself down before he places his body over mine. He leans on his forearm while his other hand reaches down and positions his tip against me, running it up and down a few times to make sure I'm really ready.

"I'll be careful." He whispers before kissing me and pushing himself into me softly, without any force.

At first, I think it isn't as bad as I thought it would be, but then I feel it burn. Exactly at that moment, Christian pushes in a little harder, making it more painful. Jesus, this is not nice.

I grunt and try hard to keep my breathing steady and stay still. I'm afraid that if I move, the pain will be worse. Just when I think he is going to rip me, he stops and moves both of his hands in my hair to massage my scalp.

"I'm sorry. Try to relax, it will help. Do you want me to stop?"

"No. I just feel very full and it burns. Are you in completely?" I ask him. I really don't want him to stop but I do hope he is all the way in.

"I'm in. Not completely, but enough for now I think." He chuckles before running his nose against mine.

"Yeah, enough for now. I think you are right." I giggle which actually hurts.

He nods and keeps his eyes on me while he pulls back a little and then trusts in again. He is holding himself back, his whole body is tense, his muscles are clenching and I can tell it's difficult for him.

"Christ, you are so tight. So good, Ana. Thank you for giving me this." He whispers while he keeps trusting in and out slowly.

After a few times, the burning starts to fade a little and I can relax a bit. I move my arms around his neck and move my legs up a little, giving him more space to move. Now that the tension is slowly leaving my body, Christian moves get a little more spontaneous as well. It's like he lets his feelings take over now that he knows the pain is starting to fade.

His moans become harder and it starts to feel good for me as well. I feel myself getting wetter, which is only good for the friction that Christian is ensuring. I can tell he feels me getting wetter as well because his moans become louder every time he moves.

"I'm about to come." He grunts while speeding up just a little bit more before his whole body stiffens.

"Fucking fuck!" He growls, shaking while his hands are gripping the sheet next to my head. I just lay still and watch him in awe. This is amazing. How he looks right now, it is so sexy. And I made him feel like this. Being inside me made him come like this. Holy cow, what a guy.

When he has calmed down a little bit, he pulls himself out of me carefully, making me hiss when he moves. It burns again now that he leaves me like I have to shrink back to my normal size or something. It feels weird yet good because the burning reminds me that he was inside of me.

When he got the condom off of him, he lays next to me and pulls me into his arms. My chest against his and our faces just inches away from each other. When he speaks, his breath tickles my face.

"Please tell me you enjoyed it a little bit? I'm sorry if I hurt you by speeding up, but you just felt so good I had to move faster. "

It makes me smile. "I did. It did hurt but in a good way. I kind of hope I will feel the burn for a long time, so it can remind me of you and where you have been. Of how it felt." I blush while I say it, but I also want him to know. It maybe is a night thought for him as well.

"I hope so too." He mumbles against my forehead before kissing the spot.

We lay like this for a while, just enjoying our skin to skin contact. I'm on the brink of falling asleep when I hear a big bang, making me jump a bit.

When I turn and look outside to see what is costing the loud noise, I see a lot of fireworks. The colors are making beautiful figures in the sky which reflect in the sea, making it look impressive and gorgeous.

I sit up to have a better look and feel Christian move behind me before pulling me against him. His arms wrap tightly around my naked form, holding me as close as possible. It almost makes breathing difficult. This is so romantic, nobody will ever so it better than this. My first time will be the most special one, I just know it.

"This is perfect." I mumble, my eyes never leaving the show in front of me.

Christian moves his chin over my shoulder before kissing it two times. "You are perfect, Ana. You've made everything perfect."


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Oh God. People, this is one hell of a chapter. I'm not even going to do a whole note here. You just need to get to the reading. Enjoy! xx**

Chapter 15: Pleasure and pain.

I wake up because of movement next to me and right after that I feel her warm, naked body against me. Her hand on my chest and her head with brown messy hair next to it. Her legs are tangled with mine and her breath feels warm and steady against my skin. She is still asleep.

I'm happy she is still asleep because it gives me time to think about everything that happened these past two weeks. Everything seems to have flown by so quickly, and now Ana and I only have one day left.

One day. And I will not even spend the whole day with her since she needs to go home to pack her suitcase. I hate the thought of her in Savannah, of me being here without her, but it all seems easy when I think about tomorrow. Tomorrow we need to say goodbye and it is going to be hell. I have no idea how I'm going to do it.

The thought of kissing her one last time before I have to let her go, it makes me sick. I will never be able to touch her again, talk to her again or even just see her smile. I will never have her in my arms just like this, naked and cuddled up against me while she is asleep. I will never have sex with her again after today. Call me a guy but that thought definitely makes me depressed.

Because fucking hell, what Ana and I did was amazing. It was everything from awkward up to sensual and I have never experienced anything like it. Every meaningless fuck I've ever had, they didn't come close to this. And I can't help but wonder why the hell this was so special. Or maybe I don't want to admit the reason to myself.

I could say that it was so good because I have been waiting for it for almost two weeks, but it would be a lie. I could let myself believe that it is because Ana was a virgin and that she gave it up to me, but that would just be a dick move. I can try and act that the whole happening moves me like it does because I've met her in Italy on what was going to be a fucked up vacation, but it would be the biggest bullshit ever told. It is because of her. Ana.

Ana made it special. Ana and the feelings I have developed for her. I have never felt anything that comes close to what I feel when I'm around her. It is the best and worst feeling I've ever felt. The best, because she brings out the best in me. Around her, I'm compassionate, trustworthy and caring. I feel the need to protect and help her. I want Ana to feel safe and loved. And that is not me. Back at home, I'm not that guy.

Which brings me to the worst feeling. I hate it because I am afraid she has changed me for good. She has ruined the Christian I was before I came to Italy. And that would be a big problem since I have a reputation to hold up. What the hell am I going to do with all the willingly hot girls in college? How the fuck will I ever live as I lived before when Ana changed me into a sensitive motherfucker that can't have more than one a week? And I'm not even talking about the fact that thinking of more girls a week alone gets me pissed because I only seem to want Ana. I want her, but I can't have her. This has gotten way out of hand.

I have to toughen up and make sure that this side of me stays in Italy. And I have another week to accomplish that. A week without Ana. It will be hell.

I don't have long to think about it though, because next to me Ana stirs and by the way of her touching my chest, I know she is starting to wake up. When I look down at her face, I'm just in time to see her eyes flutter open. For a moment she looks disorientated, but the moment her eyes meet mine, her eyes show relieve and a small, content smile appears on her lips.

"So it wasn't a dream." She mumbles, smiles still on her face while she presses her nose against my chest to inhale my skin.

It makes me smile as well. "It wasn't. It was definitely real."

"Good." She mumbles before looking at me again. Her hair is messy from sleeping and her cheeks are a bit red because she just woke up. Her eyes are still a little smaller than normal and she is moving the sheet up a little before she wraps it around her, I think because she is a little bit cold.

"Good as in good it was real or good as in it was good?" I ask her while smirking. I already know the answer, but I want to hear her say it. I know she told me yesterday that she liked it, but that technically was a sexually induced answer. Right now the answer means more because she had the night to think about everything that has happened.

"Both. I'm happy it really happened and I'm happy that it was with you because you made it good for me."

Her words make me look like a proud motherfucker and I don't give a dime. I took Ana her virginity and I'm pretty sure I hurt her by doing so, yet she still tells me I made it good for her. Yes, it makes me proud as fuck.

"How was it for you? Like really?" She asks. Her question really surprises me since I yelled so hard when I came last night, I'm a bit stunned mom and dad didn't knock on the door to see what was going on.

I just look at her in disbelieve, but she keeps staring at me, waiting for my answer. So cute and bold yet still so insecure. She really is the perfect mix of everything.

"Are you seriously asking this?" I chuckle, but I don't wait for her response. "Ana, I enjoyed myself immensely last night. Everything from licking your pussy to stretching it so you could take me, it was perfect. I loved it."

The moment I say it, her cheeks turn dark red and her teeth sink into her lip. Fucking hell, now she is just teasing me on purpose. I love this sight of her and so does my dick. The morning is always a happy time, but right now it is ten times happier and I really need her to stop teasing me because I will not be able to hold back.

"And baby, if you don't stop that sexy teeth biting, we are doing everything again."

Her eyes widen and she immediately frees her lip, running her tongue over it two times to soothe the spot. Not helping, baby. Not helping at all.

"You really liked it that much? I mean, you would want to do it again?" Now she does turn a little shy on me. She is not looking at me anymore but at her hand that is playing with something invisible on my chest.

"Jesus Ana. Last night, you made sure I had the best fuck of my life. I want to do it again alright. If I could, I would do it every day. With you." She has no idea. Absolutely no idea how she makes me feel.

When her eyes meet mine again, they are a little darker than before and her leg is moving a little so her pussy is in contact with my upper leg. I feel her and fuck me if she isn't a little wet. Talking about it turns her on and I can tell she wants it again too. She just needs to tell me.

"I want to. Again." She whispers. It is that I see her lips moving while she says it because she said it so soft, I would think I'd imagine it.

A smile forms my lips. "Yeah?"

My dick is ready to go in an instant, and I swear I feel her pussy move against me. Her moves are very shy and almost unnoticeable, but I feel them.

Ana only nods her head before she moves up so our eyes are level with each other. Then her lips find mine, and for a moment I let her take the lead. I let her set the pace and take what she needs. One of her hands moves to my cheek while her tongue teases my lips, asking for entrance.

In the short while what I've been kissing her, she definitely has become better at it. First, she was shy and waiting for me to make the moves. Now she moves against me like she is kissing for years. She knows exactly what to do, how to move her lips and tongue, to drive me crazy. And all this while we are laying against each other, naked.

Ana naked. She is even more beautiful than I thought. When I saw her naked in my shower, fuck. Her body is amazing. And now while feeling her body against mine, she is perfect. Her breasts are perfect, firm and just the right size. And her hips, goddamn. She has curves that my hands just can't stop tracing. And her pussy is just perfect. Tight and so warm. A tuft of brown hair that just suits her perfectly. It's fucking made for me.

"Do you want to try something different?" I ask her after I've pulled my lips from hers. I really would love to have her on top of me, so I really hope she is up for that. I want to see her body while she is bouncing on me.

Her eyes look at me curiously. She doesn't look as nervous as last night when I asked her if I could try something which is a good sign. She is getting more comfortable with this.

"What do you have in mind?" She whispers while her hand traces my pec muscle.

"You on top of me. The thought has been the main subject of my fantasies since the day I've met you. I swear you'll look so hot while doing that." I tell her, way too eager for my liking.

I watch her cheeks turn that gorgeous shade of red and again she bites that lip. She really has no idea what kind of impact she has on me or how stunning she is.

"I wouldn't know what to do. How to move and how to please you. Isn't that something people do when they have more experience?"

She is so fucking cute.

I grab her chin so she is looking at me. "Ana, I don't care about what people do. And neither should you. This is about us and if you and I want to do that then that is our thing. You and me." I see her blue eyes become a little less worried, so I continue. "As for your uncertainty. Baby, you drive me crazy when you are just laying against me like this. I'm pretty sure that everything you do will get me there. And it isn't only about me. When you are on top, you can set the pace and feel what you like. It will be so good."

She thinks about it for a few seconds before she nods her head. "Okay. But promise me you'll help me?"

"I'll help you." I immediately say, again way too eager.

She smiles a small smile before getting up just enough so her leg can move over my belly. She is now sitting on my belly, giving me the perfect view and feel of her pussy. I can feel she is a little wet already, but she needs a little more. So I move my hand to her and start rubbing her clit with my thumb while moving up so I can kiss her.

"I want you soaked, Ana." I growl against her lips, making her gasp. I think she likes it if I talk to her like this.

I move my thumb in circles over her and after a few moments, I feel her moving her hips to get more friction. Her pussy sweeps over my abs and I feel her getting wetter. She is also starting to moan, indicating that she enjoys this just as much as me.

"You are so sexy. Fuck Ana. I swear this will be the thing I'll think about every time I get myself off. I'll think about you and your body and how good it feels to feel you rubbing against me." I mumble, making sure my lips never leave hers.

She pants and moans, not able to talk back. I can feel she is about to come, so I will myself to stop, even though I know she won't like it. I have to feel her around me when she comes. I need to know what that feels like.

"Don't. Please don't stop it." She moans the moment my thumb leaves her clit. It makes me smirk, she is acting just like I thought she would. And the fact that I knew, makes me proud as fuck. I know her body in this way. Nobody else. Me.

I reach for the nightstand with my left-hand while my other hand grabs her chin again. "Ssh. I'll make it up to you. Trust me."

When I've found a condom, I lay back down and push Ana back so she is sitting on my upper legs, my dick right in front of her. She looks at it while biting her lip like she is looking at her favorite popsicle, I fucking love it that she looks at me like that. She is enjoying the view, just like me every time I see her.

I put the condom on in rapid pace, not wanting to wait another minute before I feel her around me. I'm seriously addicted now that I've felt her.

I offer her my hand and with the other hand on her hip, I guide her over me. When she is just above me, I hold my dick and give her a small nod, letting her know she can take me in.

The moment I feel her wet pussy on my tip, I have to clench my teeth. I feel her taking me in slowly, her whimpers letting me know she feels full and stretched. Call me a caveman but it gives me even more pleasure. I like the idea of her feeling a little pain when I enter her and that my dick gave her that pain because I'm the only one who has been there.

When she has taken me in fully, she lets out a soft breath like she is relieved she could take it all. For a moment she just sits still, her hands moving over my chest. I think she needs a bit of time to get used to the feeling. And I can only look at her and enjoy this. And while enjoying this, I come to the realization that she's got me. She's got me, literally and figuratively, she owns me.

"You are so big." He breathes, bringing me back to the present. I would feel flattered if I wasn't so floored by the fact that she owns me.

"Can I move?" She asks, sounding a bit unsure.

"Yeah, you can do whatever you want. Do what you think what feels good for you, everything you do will feel amazing for me."

She nods and then moves her hips up a little before she moves down again, making me grunt. Goddamn, so tight and to wet. And I'm in so deep, it is fucking insane.

"Oh god." Ana breathes, probably also feeling how deep I am.

I can tell she likes the feeling though because almost immediately she makes the exact movement again, and again until she has found the steady rhythm that gives her the most pleasure.

Her hands are on my chest, her nails digging in my skin while she uses me for leverage. Her head is bowed so I have the perfect view of her face and her hair is hanging over her shoulders, touching my chest. Her cheeks are red and her eyes are closed. She is a vision.

My hands find her hips and just hold her. I don't guide or move her. I let her do everything, I'm only letting her know I'm here if she needs me.

I can't help myself from moaning either. The way she moves on top of me, it's like she has done it before. I know she hasn't, but she is definitely a natural. She oozes sensuality, and I can't get enough of her.

"Oh god. I feel it." She gasps, her breathing hard letting me know that she is close. She just needs a little push, I can tell by the way her pace quickens.

To help her, I move my hands up her body until they reach her breasts. My fingers find her nipples and start playing with them, pulling and stroking them. I can instantly tell this is what she needed because I feel her pussy contract around me. It feels so good, I have to take a deep breath and concentrate on not coming. She goes first, and when she is there I can let go. Not before her.

Thank God it doesn't take long. Just after I flick my thumbs over her hard peaks, she comes. Her whole body shakes while she lets out a squeal. Her nails are gripping my chest so hard, I think she will leave marks. Her pussy has a vice grip on my dick and her upper body falls down on top of me before she goes slack.

"Oh, God. That was not normal." She whispers, still panting like she's just run a marathon.

I can't reply to her right now, because I'm on the brink of coming myself. I have this insane strong need to move and get there, so my hands grab her hips and hold her up just a little so I can thrust into her. She lets out little moanes while I move in and out, her hands on my shoulders.

After a few thrusts, I feel myself coming so hard, I swear I see stars. When I come down from my high, I see that Ana is looking at me in awe. She has moved herself up with her arms so she could have a good look at my face. A smile playing on her face, looking proud. Fuck, she should be, this was epic.

"Wow." She giggles, which makes her pussy clench around my now spent dick. I wish I could feel it forever.

"Fucking wow." I mumble while pulling her against me, not planning on moving.

After a few minutes of laying just like this, I hear her shy voice.

"I'm leaking." She whispers, her face hidden in my chest.

It makes me chuckle. I feel her arousal dripping out of her onto me. "I know. I feel it."

"Shouldn't we move and clean up?" She asks, her head now moving up so she looks at me.

"We should." I tell her, still not moving my arms to let her go.

"But we won't?" She giggles now, I think she understands I'm not moving.

I just shake my head and hold her a little tighter to me. "Not yet."

She owns me, fucking bad.

* * *

After we lay in bed for another fifteen minutes, we cleaned up and got dressed to have breakfast downstairs. It was already late, so it was more brunch but that didn't seem to mind. Ana ate like she was starved, and I felt proud as fuck. I had truly worn her out.

After brunch, we went to the pool and just relaxed there. We swam, talked and just enjoyed each others company. I have to admit that I kept looking at the time to see how much time we still had left. Every time I looked, another hour had past and it pissed me off and made me sad at the same time.

Ana was doing it as well, looking at the clock. Every time she did, her eyes got a little sadder, and she kept getting more quiet. The last hour she just sat in between my legs on my sun bed and lay against me, letting me hold her and taking me in.

And now we are standing next to her mobile home again, just like that night when we first kissed. Only now, I'm just holding her, rubbing her back while she cries. Her face is buried in my neck and I feel her tears wetting my skin. It breaks my heart to see her like this. It breaks my heart to let her go.

"I hate this so much." She mumbles in between sobs, making my eyes burn as well. God damn, why the hell did I have to meet her? This hurts like a bitch.

"Me too." I mumble in her hair, not knowing what else to say to her.

I can't just say goodbye now, knowing that she will still be here. When I say goodbye, I want her to really go. I want to kiss her for the last time, knowing that I will not be able to kiss her anymore. If I kiss her goodbye now, I will just run back here tonight and demand another one.

"What time do you leave tomorrow?" I ask her, still not looking at her but leaving her face in my neck. I want her as close as possible.

"The cab will pick us up in front of the resort at 7 am." She answers, her voice still shaky.

I nod my head. "Then I will be there. I will kiss you before you get in that fucking cab. I will make sure you still feel your lips burn when you sit in that plane. We are not saying goodbye now."

She pulls her head out of the crook of my neck, her eyes are glassy and her cheeks wet. She looks so vulnerable and sad, it makes me want to pull her right back to me, shield her from the pain.

"Promise?" She whispers.

"I promise." I tell her, my eyes never leaving hers. "I'll be there."

"Okay." She mumbles. "I have to go."

I nod my head and grab her cheeks, kissing her lips softly, promising her that this is not the last time our lips touch.

"I'll see you tomorrow." I mumble against her lip before letting her go.

She nods her head and steps back, her hand grabbing mine to squeeze it hard. "Tomorrow."

Then she lets go and turns around, walks onto the porch and opens the door of the little home. I can hear her parents talking inside, about the suitcases and how much they can weigh. I'm not saying goodbye to them right now. I'll do that tomorrow too. It's like I'm proposing everything until the last moment, so only then it will be real.

"Bye." She waves before she walks in and closes the door.

"Bye." I mumble.

And I'm standing there, feeling defeated and empty, like she already took a piece of me with her inside that mobile home. It will only be a joke compared to what I'll feel tomorrow when she will leave for real. She will take my heart with her, and I have to let her go. I can only watch her leave and hope that she will think of me sometimes when she feels like she needs to.

I never thought that the vacation would turn out like this. That I would lose my heart. But she did it. She touched me. She broke that asshole and got to the real me. Ana. She's got me.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Not going to say anything because it will not make it better. Just try to enjoy it, even though it could be hard to read. I do hope I managed to get it to everybody's liking. xxx**

Chapter 16: Goodbye.

"Have you checked your closet, Ana? Did you see if you forgot anything?" Mom asks me for about the tenth time now. I swear she is just as nervous as the day we left Savannah. Like we will miss anything in this tiny little house.

"I have, mom. There is nothing left." He mumbles while closing my hand luggage. Nothing left, it is funny that I feel just like that right now. I feel like there is nothing left. No Christian, no kisses, no love. I will be alone again.

"Okay, sweetie. Do you have some room left in your suitcase? I forgot to pack my beach towel and I'm already over the maximum weight with mine." Mom says while walking into the small room that was mine for two weeks. In her hands the towel she can't fit in her luggage.

I open my suitcase and grab her towel without saying a word. I feel too miserable to have a whole conversation with her about how much space I still have left in my suitcase. I just want to get to the resort and see Christian one more time. Even though it will break my heart, I can't wait to see him. I have to see him.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?" Mom asks when she sees me closing my suitcase again without even looking in her direction.

Does she really need to ask this? God. "No mom, I'm not."

"Ana, I understand that this is very difficult for you, but I get the feeling you are mad at me and I don't like that. It is not my fault that you have to say goodbye to him."

She is right. I'm acting like a spoiled little brat who is mad at her parents for not giving a cookie. I'm acting so ungrateful. If it wasn't for this amazing vacation that mom and dad booked, I had never met Christian. I hate myself and my behavior right now.

"I'm sorry mom, it's just that I'm really not looking forward to saying goodbye. I don't know how I am going to do it. It will be horrible. It all just seems so unfair." I tell her while taking a seat on the small bed, feeling, and probably also looking completely defeated.

Immediately I feel the bed next to me dip before two arms pull me in a hug. I can only close my eyes and let mom comfort me, even though I know it will not make anything easier. She can't help me with saying goodbye. Nobody can. Missing him, it will be yet another thing I have to deal with myself. The thought is depressing and hurts me in a way that I have never felt before. A broken heart, this is how it feels.

"Try to memorize the moment you see him, memorize his face and what he says. Maybe it helps to remember that he hates the moment just as much so that you know you are not feeling it alone. The boy is smitten, Ana. He hates this just as much." She tells me while her hand strokes my back lovingly.

I can only nod my head. I know that he maybe hates it right now, but I also know that he won't for long. He has everything in his favor. His looks, his character and he is off to college. He will forget me the moment he'll leave Italy. And he will move on, remembering me as the girl who he had a summer romance with. And when he is home, he will find another nice girl who will steal his heart. He will be happy and not for one moment he will think about me.

But for me, it is the total opposite. He was my first in everything. He was the first guy that ever talked to me and was nice and he was the first one that I've told everything. He was my first kiss and first time. And I hate to admit it because I know I will lose him, but he also is my first love. I'm in love with him. And even though it felt amazing these past days, now it's like its burning one big black hole in my heart. It even makes me wish I hadn't met him at all, because that would mean I didn't feel this way.

"Have you two talked about keeping contact? Like through letters or e-mail?" Mom asks, her voice soft and soothing.

I shake my head. "We haven't. I have thought about asking it, but it would never work mom. He is off to college, he is popular and I don't want him to feel any obligation towards me. He would only think of me as a burden in time, the girl that he has in Savannah and needs attention. I'd rather be the girl from Italy. For me, it is so much more than for him. He maybe likes me a lot and I know he hates saying goodbye just as much, but he has a life at home. He will get over me and that is exactly how a summer romance is supposed to be."

Mom just nods her head and keeps me in her hug, without saying anything. I think she understands that nothing that she'll say will make it easier for me. She knows that this is something I have to do alone. I have to get through this by myself.

We stay in the little room until dad walks in to tell us it is time to go. Only then I force myself to get from the bed and out of mom's arms. My suitcase seems way heavier than the last time I took it from the bed, and the only thing that's changed is the towel of mom that I put in. I know that is not the reason though. It is heavier because it is happening now. In a few moments, I'll leave Italy. I'll leave Christian.

Walking towards the resort is even more depressing than I thought it would be. The whole campsite is still sound asleep since it is 6.30. The only things you hear are birds and one baby that is waking their parents because he or she is hungry. Mom and dad are silently talking to each other while walking in front of me, their suitcases making a trail in the sandy paths that my eyes follow and lead me towards Christian for the last time.

I can tell mom and dad are affected by the pain I'm feeling as well. They both are silent and don't try to pull me out of it by making a funny comment. They hate it to see me like this and I think they hate it even more that they can't take the pain I'm feeling away. I have to remind myself to thank them once we are at home. Even now, they respect my feelings and only try to help me get through this. I just know they left early from the mobile home in hopes I have a little more time with Christian. They are the best.

When we arrive at the reception of the resort, mom and dad go to the desk to hand in the key while I stay at the luggage. Christian isn't here yet, which isn't really a surprise since I told him we would leave at 7. He will probably just come five minutes beforehand to say goodbye, which I understand. He still has vacation after all. He should sleep in now that he still can.

Just when I'm about to take a seat on my suitcase so waiting will be a little less tiring, I feel two arms wrap around me from behind and I instantly feel relaxed for the first time since I woke up. His front is against my back and his face is buried in my neck. When he speaks, his breath tickles my skin.

"Fuck, I can't believe I will not be able to hold you again after this time." He mumbles, making my eyes water instantly. I just can't help it. This is going to hurt so much.

I just turn around in his arms and hold him so tight, I think he will still feel it tomorrow. My arms are around his neck and my head is against his chest, making sure I feel his heartbeat drumming through me. I want to feel it as best as I can, so I'll remember what it sounded like when he holds me.

My eyes are burning and I just know I'm wetting his whole shirt. I can feel the wet sport against my face. His arms are around my waist, holding me just as close to him while his fingers are stoking me. His breathing is shallow and I can hear the him breathing in and out deep, like he is trying to make sure he doesn't cry himself.

"Baby, please don't cry." He mumbles, his voice raspy which confirms my thoughts about him crying as well.

"I'm sorry. I can't stop. I will miss you so much." I sob, probably not very understandable.

His arms around me tighten even more. "I'll miss you too. Fuck baby, everywhere I will look this upcoming week, it will take me back to what you and I did here. Everything we shared, it will come back in a nanosecond. I just don't know how I will get through it without you."

It makes me smile a little bit. He truly enjoyed these two weeks just as much as me. "Try and make some new friends. The animation team is making a bonfire again tonight. Maybe you should go."

I really don't want him to go. I want him to stay in his room for the whole week, so no other girl will see him in his swim trunks, but that would be unfair. He is not mine, and he has another week left which he should enjoy to the fullest.

"Yeah right, for what reason? So it can remind me of how we shared those marshmallows? So it can take me back to the beach where we kissed for the first time? I like all those memories a lot baby, but it will only piss me off to think about them on the exact same place. I only want to do those things with you. I already have to sleep in the bed where you let me be your first, that will fucking hurt me enough. I said it before and I'll say it again, this place will always be the place where I spent my summer with you, Ana. Only you. This is our summer. Our place." He tells me, all the while making sure I'm looking at him by holding my cheeks.

His eyes are dark grey, a little wet as well and his gaze is intense. I have no idea what he feels, but I know that he feels a lot right now and it looks like he has trouble recognizing those feelings. He looks confused.

"Okay." I mumble while nodding my head. I don't really know what else to say. I just want to be as close to him for as long as possible.

"Christian, it is so sweet of you to come and say goodbye to Ana." Mom says while she and dad walk over and stand next to us.

"Of course. I couldn't lay in bed knowing she would be leaving without kissing her one more time." He nods.

It makes me blush, he doesn't even care that he just told my parents that. I think he thinks it's the most normal thing to say because it is how he feels. He really is not ashamed of me.

"Good man. Thank you for taking care of my daughter. She had a great time." Dad nods before offering Christian his hand, like some kind of thank you for giving my daughter the summer of her life.

"You're welcome, Sir. She made my vacation the best. I hate to see her go." Christian says and taking dad's hand while never letting me go. One arm is still around me, pushing me against his chest while the other shakes dad's hand. I just lean my head against his chest, taking him in. His hard chest against me, his strong arms around me and his scent. I never want to forget his scent.

"Well, we will wait outside. The cab will be here in five minutes, Ana. Keep that in mind. Christian, thank you again. I'm happy Ana met you." Mom says, offering Christian a friendly hug which he accepts, again with one arm.

"Thank you for letting me spend time with your daughter." He says after mom pulls away.

Both mom and dad nod before grabbing their luggage and walking towards the exit, giving us some privacy to say goodbye.

"I hate this so much." I tell him. I'm crying like a baby, I can't stop it even though I really am trying not to make it too dramatic.

Christian's hand moves to my hair, massaging my scalp while he tries to get me to relax. "Sshh. I know baby. Me too. You have to be strong."

I lift my head so I can look at him, his eyes are a little red and I can see a few tears on his cheeks. He tries to hide them by wiping them away quickly, but I saw them.

"I can't be strong, Christian. You made me strong. You gave me courage. Without you, that will all be gone. I am nothing back home." I mutter.

His hands move to my cheeks and hold them so hard, it almost hurts. He is forcing me to focus on him and his eyes are burning with love. I'm sure of it. This is love.

"Ana, you are so strong. Do you know what I thought when you told me about everything at home? I was in awe, Ana. I still am. How you managed to get through that shit for two years, and still be as sweet, honest and open to me, it amazes me. You survived that shit because you are strong. It is not because of me, you didn't even know me back then. It is because of you. You are strong and beautiful and worth everything in this world. And if I was there with you in Savannah, I would give you just that. But I'm not. And you know what, baby? You don't need me. You can handle everything just fine. You are going to your new school with your head held high, and you are going to show them who you are. You are Ana; gorgeous, sexy, confident and sweet Ana. You don't need me, baby. And you will not let them get to you again. Do you hear me? Not again, Ana. You are everything back there, not nothing." He speaks forcefully and passionate like he wants me to feel it in my veins. If anyone is in awe with someone, it's definitely me.

"Promise me, Ana." He says when he sees me staring at him.

I nod my head. "I promise."

"Good." He smiles and then pushes his lips on mine, kissing me with so much want and need, I think I will feel this until the day I die.

His hands are in my hair, pushing me against his lips so hard, it almost hurts. His tongue is circling soft yet determined around mine, making sure he has the control. My arms are around his waist now, and our bodies are so close against each other, I can feel everything. God, I will miss this.

"Shit, I would drag you to my hotel room right now to lick that sweet pussy and make you come if I knew we could make it in time. I will miss your body baby, your tits and ass, fuck. So goddamn sexy." He growls, making me giggle while my cheeks are beet red. Even now, he is thinking about sex. Such a guy.

"Ana, the cab is here." I hear mom yell from outside, making Christian and I pull away from each other slowly, like we are doing it in slow motion.

"Here, I'll help you." He says while grabbing my suitcase in one hand and my hand in his other, holding it tightly and stroking his thumb over my hand to reassure me.

We walk through the doors to the cab, where mom and dad are already loading everything in the car. Christian hands dad my suitcase before turning to me and pulling me against him one last time.

"I will never forget you, Ana. You gave me the summer of my dreams while I thought it would be a nightmare, I will always cherish that. What you gave me, I will always keep it close to my heart." He tells me.

The tears are coming again, but this time I manage to not get overboard with the crying. I want to tell him what he gave me, without being very upset.

"I'll never forget you either. You changed my whole life, Christian. You have no idea. You are my first in everything and you gave me courage, I'll cherish you too. Thank you."

I kiss his lips, soft and slow, trying to pretend we still have all the time in the world even though that is not the case.

"I loved my time with you." He mumbles against me. I know he might want to say something else, but I think he thinks it is too soon. But I understand him because I feel exactly the same.

"I loved it too." I smile through my tears.

His smile is sweet and he looks relieved for a few seconds before his eyes turn to sad again.

"Go, Ana. Be brave." He tells me, pecking my lips countless times while pushing me so I'm walking with my back to the car, him guiding me.

"Have fun here." I mumble against his lips.

"I won't. Fuck baby, I won't. Not without you. I loved everything I did with you." Now he does cry, and he doesn't even try to hide it anymore.

He kisses me, his tongue moving through my lips and around my tongue one last time before he pulls back and nods for me to get on the back seat. Mom and dad are already in the car, waiting for me.

"Go." He says again. "I'll never forget you, Ana. The sun, the sea and you. Always."

I take a seat in the car and he closes the door before stepping back and waiting for the car to drive away. My hand touches the window, I have no idea why, but it feels like the right thing to do.

"Bye." I whisper to myself before I feel the car starting to move. My tears are unstoppable, my hand still against the window as I see Christian stand there, waving at me. He looks sad and defeated, but does have a small smile on his face, I think to make sure I don't remember him sad. At least, that's what I like to think.

I keep looking out the window until I see him get smaller and smaller. Only when we turn around the corner and he is completely out of sight, I take my hand from the window. He is gone. I'm alone.

"It's okay, sweetie. You did so well. I'm proud of you." Mom says next to me while pulling me against her.

I let my tears fall while I cuddle sitting against her, letting her comfort me. The whole ride we sit like that, her stroking my back while I cry with my head on her shoulder. When we arrive at the airport, my eyes are burning and I think I have no more tears left to cry. I feel weak and my sobs are taking over my whole body.

I let mom help me out of the car, while dad makes sure all the luggage is with us. Then we walk to the check-in. I hardly register everything that happens and before I know it, I'm sitting on a chair waiting for the stewards to tell me we can board.

The plane is already standing right outside, I can see it when I look to my right. The plane that will take me back to Savannah. Where my life was hell. Only now I'm returning with everything that Christian gave me. And I promised him to be strong, so I will try to be strong. For him, so if I ever see him again, I can tell him I was strong and he will be proud of me.

But the pain will stay. And I will welcome it. I want to remember this pain because it proves that everything that happened was real and not just a dream. From the talks to the sex and everything in between. My feelings and my memories, everything was real. It happened.

Christian liked me and gave me the best summer I could ever have. He changed me. And I will always remember him.

Christian, my first love. He made my vacation in Italy one I will never forget. And he saved me, I'm sure of it. It is up to me to keep myself safe.

Now, I have to say goodbye to the old Ana and be stronger.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: A little look inside Christian's head today. And for your information, the story is definitely not over yet. As a matter of fact, it's only just beginning! There is a tough, heavy road ahead, but in the end it will all be worth it. HEA all the way, people! Don't worry. I've written this story up until chapter 29, so just relax and enjoy the daily updates. Thank you all so much for the reviews, I like every single one! Have fun with this one, it is a little lighter because I thought you might need that. xxx **

Chapter 17: The Ana effect.

She is gone. She is on her way back to Savannah, and I'm still here for a whole week. And I have no idea how to get through that week without her. Ever since I met her that day at the beach, I made plans that involved her, and now suddenly I have to entertain myself again. I swear this week will be just how I pictured the whole vacation when I left Portland.

It's only 7 and nothing is open yet. Breakfast isn't until 8, so I'll just go back to my room and try to relax there until breakfast is served. After that, I will probably go sit by the pool and wait for this week to be over.

Mom and dad still want to go to a few places nearby. They talked about Sienna, which is probably a cool place to see. Maybe I should also take this week to spend some more time with Mia as well. We used to have a lot of fun before I turned into the standard teenage boy and little sister suddenly weren't cool anymore.

While I'm walking back to my room, I realize how little I actually know about Ana. I mean, sure she has told me a lot about her life in Savannah. And about what she likes to do. But the standard things, I just forgot to ask her. Like her last name or her address. I could've written her a letter if I knew exactly where she lived. Maybe it is better than I haven't got her address because maybe she would see those letters as something more. And we can't do that, I can't go to college as a taken guy. This is how it was supposed to end.

I can look back on these two weeks, and be proud of myself. For the first time in my life, I have treated a girl right. I've talked to her, I've trusted her with things I've never told anyone and I respected her. These last two weeks showed me that I can be normal when I want to. When I meet a girl that is worth it. Dad will be so relieved.

When I enter my hotel room, I take off my clothes and get into bed again. I have forbidden the maids to clean the sheets because I just can't let Ana's scent get washed away. The pillow she slept on, smells exactly like her. The sheets remind me of the night I spend with her. I just want to hold onto those memories until I'll leave this room.

I lay on my back and stare at the ceiling, trying to process everything that just happened. We said goodbye, and Ana cried. Seeing her cry, it did something to me. It was like it broke my heart into a million pieces. I wanted to stop the pain she was feeling but I couldn't and it made me feel powerless. I didn't like the feeling at all.

And I was crying as well. Like what the fuck was that? I can't remember the last time I cried. I swear it was when I was just a baby. I never cry. I made people cry, yes. But I never cry. And now, I did. Because she was leaving. Because she was crying. She really owns me, and it scares the shit out of me. Also because I'll never see her again and I feel like she took my heart with her. This whole thing is just fucked up.

This week, I have to focus on turning back into the tough guy I was before I met her. I have to make sure all those feelings Ana let me feel, will stay here in Italy. I will hit the gym every day and I'll try not to think about the past two weeks, even though I know it is impossible. The only thing I will do is keep my promise to her. I will not have any other girl here. This place will be ours and this bed will only be the bed I had sex with her.

Sex with Ana. Fucking hell if it wasn't the best sex of my life, and all that while she was still a virgin. I have taken girls virginities before, but it was never like this. It was always like some sort of trophy, something I could brag about with my friends and brother. But this, with Ana, it was only for me. And it was amazing.

I can never tell anyone about this, about how I lost myself in a summer romance with a girl from America. Because it is just laughable for a guy like me. I swear if I hadn't been living these weeks with her and some other guy would tell me this, I would laugh as well. You are on vacation in Italy, where there are hundreds of sexy, willingly European girls, yet you fall head over heels in love with a girl from Savannah. Fucking idiot.

I know I should tell them proudly about Ana because she is absolutely worth it. I'm not ashamed of her or our time together. But back at home, they just don't understand it. They don't know me the way Ana knows me. Hell, I didn't even know I had it in me.

If Elliot will ever find this out, which he will because Mia will tell him as soon as we get back, I just know he will be a little bitch about it. He has never felt love for any girl he fucked. He always says that when he settles down, it will be with the woman the drives him crazy, because she is the one that can handle him. He won't settle for less. I admire it, and I thought just like that before I met Ana. But is all just doesn't seem that easy anymore.

What if Ana is the one, and I've just let her go? What if I will never feel what I've felt these past two weeks, for anyone else? I'll have a serious problem if that is the case. And I can't do anything about it anymore, because she is gone and I know nothing about her what I can use to look for her if I can't get her out if my mind.

I only have memories. The memory of her watching the bonfire and of her watching the sunset. I only have the image of her laughing and talking. I only have the memory of her, coming on my tongue while she pants my name and holds my hair like I'm giving her the best thing in the whole world.

Fuck, I'm such an idiot. I've fucking fallen in love with the girl who was supposed to be just a quick fuck. One of many. Yet now I have a feeling she might be the one.

I'm so screwed.

* * *

"Jesus, you look like you are eating a lemon, Chris. Come on, what's up with the ugly face?" Mia asks after she has watched me eat my breakfast in shock for about ten minutes

I look at her and roll my eyes, so not wanting to tell her what is on my mind. She will only have a laugh and call me insane. And an idiot.

"Nothing." I growl before taking another bite of my croissant, which tastes like dough.

"Lair. I can tell something is wrong. Come on, you can tell me, it might help. Mom and dad aren't here so you don't have to worry about them." Mia says, as always pushing me to tell her what she wants to know.

Fucking hell, am I thankful mom and dad went to the market in Piombino today or what? I just know mom would be ten times worse than Mia with her interrogation.

"Listen, Ana left this morning, okay? And it sucks. That's all you need to know."

Mia her eyes widen like she is only seeing it now. "Oh my God. You really are in love with her, aren't you? Fucking hell, Chris. I was joking when I said it while we were having dinner but I was right. Shit. What happens now?"

What the hell am I supposed to say to that? And why the hell can she read me all of the sudden? It is annoying as fuck. I don't like to explain myself, let alone to my little sister with her blabbing mouth. This day keeps getting worse.

"What the hell is there to happen, Mia? She left and I know absolutely nothing about her because I was the idiot who didn't ask her anything about the important information as for where she lives or what her number is." I'm really not pissed at her, but at myself. I fucking hate myself.

"And you are seriously going to just sit here and be a bitch about it? Jesus Chris, for a guy that is going to college with a straight A write-up you are fucking stupid." Mia says. Little bitch. She doesn't dare talk like that when dad and mom are near.

"What do you suggest then?" I ask her while raising my eyebrow. Bring it on, little one.

"Come on." She says before standing from the table and walking out if the restaurant. I just roll my eyes and follow like a little puppy, probably because I haven't got anything better to do now that Ana is gone.

Two minutes later, Mia is standing in front of the reception desk, talking to the receptionist.

"My brother really likes her you see, and because he was nervous he forgot to ask her for her address, so now he can't write her. Is there any way you can help us with that?" She asks while using her eyelashes to get what she wants. I just roll my eyes. Unless the woman behind the desk is gay, this is never going to work. .

"That is very unfortunate, but I can't give any information about our guests. I'm sorry, but I can't help you." She says. She is right and absolutely professional. My sister is just stupid and watches way too many movies.

"I understand, but can you give us their flight information? Maybe we will be in time to catch them at the airport." Mia smiles again.

Fucking hell, she really watched way too many movies. What the hell does she think? That I will run over the airport, calling Ana's name so I can give her my phone number? Fucking loony.

"I'm not sure if I'm allowed to do that, Miss." The girl says, looking a bit unsure.

"Listen, you will be such a help if you give me the information. My brother needs to tell her that he loves her, and you can be the key factor in making it happen. Can you imagine her face when he tells her that? It would be epic." Mia tells her, a little more forceful now. I'm actually impressed.

The girl takes a breath and then looks around to make sure nobody hears what she is about to say. "Their flight is GA 625 and it seems it is two hours delayed because of a defect on the plane. If you are fast, you might be able to catch them, but they probably have passed the customs already."

"You are the best. Thank you. Can you call us a cab, please? We need one as soon as possible." Mia says while clapping her hands as she has just won the lottery. This is all a fun adventure for her. No mind she is fucking with my head. Now she wants me to say goodbye to Ana again like it wasn't hard enough the first time.

"Mia, what the actual fuck do you think you are doing?" I growl while standing behind her.

"The cab will be here in five minutes. Give him a big tip and he might drive a bit faster." The receptionist winks, making Mia squeal and giggle. Fucking hell, I'm completely being ignored here. You would think this is about me and my feelings, yet it's like I'm in some horrible chick flick.

"Mia, fuck sakes. You are insane. We've already said goodbye. You need to stop this." I tell her, trying to sound very serious.

Mia however, is not stopping now. She grabs my hand and almost drags me outside, where she waits for the cab to arrive. "Listen you big ass. You love that girl and you didn't tell her, nor did you give her your number. Who is insane here? I'm doing you a favor, so stop the shit and just follow."

God damn. Since when do I listen to her? Italy is really not a good place for me. First Ana and now Mia. I'm turning into a sissy.

"You are just into this because you think this is some Romeo and Juliet story." I mumble, still not walking away. I know why I'm not, I want to go there and rectify the situation. I want to give Ana my information so we can still have contact.

"You shouldn't care about my motives, Chris. You should care about your heart." She smiles, still one hundred percent sure of her plan.

Damn her. Since when did she become so smart and grown-up?

Two minutes later the cab arrives and Mia can't wait to jump in. I get in beside her.

"Where to?" The driver asks, he has a big Italian accent which makes Mia giggle before she looks at me questioningly. Now she wants my opinion.

"To the airport, please. Hit gas."

Like I said, fucking sissy.

* * *

At the airport, we obviously are having another problem. One they never show in those horrible movies. We are not allowed to pass customs without a flight ticket and passport. We have neither since this was all one big adventure for Miss Grey over here.

"Great, Mia. And I actually thought I would speak to her again. Thanks for making this day even more depressing than it already was." I say while we are sitting on a bench across the customs desk, watching people get through without any effort.

She signs before grabbing my hand. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to help. I liked Ana."

It makes me smile even though I'm still mad. She liked Ana. Of course she did. Everybody likes Ana because she is fucking amazing. She only needs to find that out herself.

"Me too." I mumble. I have no idea what else to say right now.

"I can still see if I can get her parents e-mail address from the reception. I mean, maybe they'll give me that if I keep asking." Mia says, sounding very determined.

I just roll my eyes. This is the problem with Mia. She thinks that everybody is like dad. That she just needs to smile and say pretty please before getting what she wants. Welcome to the real world, Mia.

"Mia, I really appreciate it, but they won't give you her information. It's a violation of privacy. I just have to live with the fact that I didn't think when I was around her." I tell her, trying to reassure her I'm not mad at her.

We are silent for a couple of minutes, watching the flight information on the screens in front of us. GA 625 departed twenty minutes ago, taking Ana away from me while she had no idea I was so close to her.

"Is that what it feels like? When you are in love I mean? That you don't think about anything when you are around that person, even not the important things?" She asks curiously.

I think about her question for a moment, trying to recall if I felt like that when I was with Ana. I mean, I obviously had trouble thinking straight, since I didn't make sure we could have contact even though I know she deserves better. But it was also something different, it was like when I was with her, the whole world didn't seem to exist.

"Pretty much, yeah. I mean, it feels like that for me. She was all consuming. For two weeks, I didn't think about anything else but her and spending time with her. And I have thought about keeping contact, but at the time I thought that it wouldn't be a good idea. You know, with me going to college and stuff. But now I regret it. The moment I saw her driving away, I regretted it."

Mia nods her head in understanding. "But are you going to live like before, now that you feel like this? With all the girls? In college, there are a lot of girls. That is the reason you didn't want to keep in contact with her, right? Because you will meet many other girls?"

She really wants to know too much.

"I didn't want it because I thought I wasn't good enough for her. I am not good enough for her. And she will meet someone who is nearby, and who can spoil her every day of the week, not just at the weekends. And I don't want her to worry about me meeting other girls at college while she is waiting for me. She has been through enough and she deserves certainty." I tell her. She probably doesn't understand why I'm thinking like this, but I do understand. And it feels good to tell someone this, even if Mia doesn't understand everything.

"Wow, this really did a number on you." She mumbles, obviously impressed.

"It did." I sign. It fucking did.

After a few minutes, I have been sitting long enough. I'm warm and I just want to take a refreshing dive in the pool before taking a shower and maybe lounge on one of those beds at the beach. I need to get out of here.

"How about we buy some coffee and get a cab back? I can use a dive after this adventure." I tell Mia, already standing so we can go.

Mia nods her head and smiles. "Let's. Sorry again."

"It's okay. It means you love me." I smirk.

It is amazing how Ana manages to influence my life even when she is not around. I would have never thought that Mia and I would do something like this together. Yet, here we are, and even though we missed the plane and didn't really had a plan to begin with, I have to say I still had fun. I feel miserable, yes. But I also am reminded of the fun Mia and I used to have. Which is very welcomed after a day like this.

Ana, Ana. What the hell are you doing to me?


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: So sorry I didn't update yesterday! I had trouble with my laptop and I thought it was crashed. Today I brought it to someone who had a look and thankfully it was just the battery, and all my files where saved! I posted a message on Facebook, but I totally forgot to also post a message here, sorry for that! Thank you all for your concern. To make it up to you, two chapters today! A warning though, we are in harder times now. Ana is struggling. xx**

Chapter 18: How does that make you feel?

"I'll be back in eight weeks. Are you sure you two are going to be okay?" Dad asks while packing the last few things he needs. He is leaving today for a mission and I hate it. We are barely home a week and he already has to go. Vacation is really over.

"We will be fine. Don't worry." Mom smiles. I can see it is a sad smile. I recognize it from far away these days. It's the same smile I see every time I look in the mirror.

Dad nods his head and then turns to me. "And you, Annie? Are you going to be okay as well? Do you promise that you keep talking to mom?"

The last few days I have talked a lot to mom and dad. About my feelings and about my new school. The day we came back from Italy, dad had an e-mail from my new school. It said that our request for transfer is officially accepted and that I am welcome to start there the new school year.

On one hand, I'm ecstatic. I get a chance to have a new start and make new friends. But on the other hand, I'm very nervous because I have to go there alone. All the people that go there already know each other and I don't know anyone. I just hope some people will talk to me to make that first day a little bit easier.

But I hate it that dad is leaving. He will be gone for eight weeks, which means he will miss my first three weeks at my new school. I know I have mom, but dad is more into this now. He arranged it for me to get the transfer and he has an appointment with the management of my old school when he comes back, to have a good conversation.

"I will be okay." I mumble, trying to look convincing.

Dad looks at me for a moment and then walks over to me and wraps his arms around me, pulling me in a bear hug. "I know these past weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster sweetheart." He says before kissing my head.

He is right. This whole vacation was a huge rollercoaster of feelings and I haven't processed them at all. It's like the blow of being bullied for two years is only hitting in now. I have nightmares about it and I'm even more anxious than when I was at school. The emotional pain of what I have been through, it keeps getting worse. Pain and fear. Fear that it will happen again. Fear that Leila will find out and comes looking for me with her two followers. Fear that the pain I'm feeling now will get even worse.

Tomorrow I have my first appointment with a psychologist, to help me give everything a place. I hope it will help me to sort out my thoughts because I really can't do this alone. It has had too much impact and even though mom and dad help me where they can, I know I need more help. Professional help. I also have self defense lessons ones a week. Yesterday was my first time and I have to say it was a great way to get out frustration. I just hope I will remember what to do when I am attacked. I obviously hope I never have to, but it is a nice thought that I'm not defenseless anymore.

And then there is the other matter. The thing that gave me so much yet also made my whole situation ten times worse. Christian. It was the best vacation ever because of him, and I don't regret anything. But missing him is probably the worst pain I'm feeling. Every morning when I wake up, it is worse. Missing him, it truly makes me feel sick. I never thought that it would be so hard even after a week, but it is.

"I don't really know how I'm ever getting out of this dad. Out of all the negative things." I whisper, trying really hard not to cry.

Dad's hug gets a little stronger, up until I'm almost having trouble to breathe. It is welcoming though. "You will. We will help you to get out of it. It will be hard, and it will take time, but you are going to come out of it stronger, Annie."

I feel him rub my back while he kissing my head. I want to believe him. I want to believe in myself. But it is so hard when you don't have any confidence. The confidence that Christian gave me when we were in Italy, I felt it drip out of me slowly when we flew back to Savannah. I tried to hold on to it, but I just couldn't.

Those two years and everything Leila, Lisa and Susannah did and said, it scarred my soul. I hear their voices in my head, telling me what a waste I am, and I believe them. I can't seem to tell them to stop. Every time I hear them, I try to recall Christian's voice. I try to let him tell me all those things he said about me being worth it, but he doesn't come through.

"Sweetie, when we go to Dr. Flynn tomorrow, you need to tell him this. He will help you in a way dad and I can't." Mom says from behind me, it's obvious that she doesn't know how to help me and I understand it. What do you say when your daughter doesn't see the light at the end of the tunnel? It must be heartbreaking.

"I will." I tell her while moving my head up so I can look at dad. "And mom and I will be fine. Don't worry."

Dad can't worry about me. He needs to keep his head at the mission and make sure he will return home safe and sound. I need him to get back.

"That's my brave girl." Dad smiles. It's a smile that doesn't reach his eyes, and I know it is because he sees the pain in mine. It hurts him to see how those girls broke me.

"It's time to go, honey. Richard is here." Mom says when the doorbell rings, already standing from the couch to say goodbye to dad.

Richard is dad's colleague and he is picking dad up to go to the airport. He is also a friend of dad and I'm always happy when the two of them go on a mission together. I know they will keep each other safe.

Dad only nods his head before giving me one more kiss on my forehead. Then he walks to mom and kisses her goodbye as well. When they walk to the door, I follow them and watch dad walk over to Richard's car.

I hate these moments.

* * *

"Take a seat or lie down, whatever makes you feel comfortable." Dr. Flynn nods while taking a seat on the chair across from the couch.

I'd never thought that I would be in a situation like this. That I would talk to someone about what happened to me. I always thought that I would keep it a secret forever, and somehow I truly wished it was still my secret because then I wouldn't have to bring everything up now.

In a few minutes, Dr. Flynn will ask me to relive all the moments and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. I have no idea how I'm going to react when I tell everything. I know I've told mom and dad and Christian, but this is different. Dr. Flynn will want to know everything. Every detail. And I didn't tell anybody that because it hurts too much.

"So Anastasia, how are you feeling?" Dr. Flynn asks when I sit on the couch.

He looks at me over his glasses while he is holding a pen and paper. He is young and has black hair, his facial expression is open and friendly. I can tell he is trying to make me comfortable.

"Please call me Ana, that would make me feel a bit more comfortable. I'm okay, I guess. I'm nervous because I'm not really sure what to expect." I tell him honestly.

He nods his head. "That's understandable. This must be a very big step for you. I've heard a little bit of your story from your mom already. When she made the appointment, I asked for the reason. Of course, she didn't tell me anything more than just the basics. I want you to know that everything you say in this room, will stay in this room, Ana. I will not talk about the things we discuss with anyone else."

I nod my head. "That's good, I guess."

"Do you want to tell me a bit more about the reason you are here?"

I take a deep breath and nod my head. "I have been the subject of bullying and violence at my school for two years. It all started after one girl, Leila, sat next to me during math class. We didn't really speak to each other during the class but afterward, she just told me I smelled weird, out of nowhere. First, I thought she made a joke or something, but that wasn't the case. She went to two of her friends and made fun of me while talking to them. Ever since that day, the three of them seem to hate me."

"At first I thought that I had somehow provoked her and that if I'd just lay low they would forget about me. Unfortunately, it only got worse. The first weeks it was just name-calling and stealing my pens from my table, innocent stuff that I could handle. But after a few weeks, they turned more aggressive. I think they didn't like the fact that I didn't give them any attention. They started to push me or pull my hair to get some sort of reaction out of me. It only got worse after that."

He nods his head again while writing something down. After that, he looks at me again. "And did you tell anyone? How would you handle those things, mentally?"

"I didn't tell anyone about it. I always kept it for myself. In the beginning, I just was ashamed that I was being bullied. After a while, when it got worse, I didn't want to tell my parents because I didn't want them to worry. I also thought that if I would tell them what was happening, they would go to my school and complain. I just knew that would make it even worse."

"But you are here now. So something changed your mind. Can you tell me what that was?" Dr. Flynn asks me, looking at me curiously.

Shit. Now I have to talk about Christian, and he is the subject I really was hoping to avoid, at least this time. I don't really understand why Dr. Flynn wants to know this anyway. I mean, it doesn't really matter why I told my parents right? The thing that matters is that I did and that I'm here now.

"Is that really important?" I ask him softly, looking at my hands that are folded in my lap.

"Well, if you don't want to tell me, you don't have to of course. But it is important. You see Ana, giving everything that happened a place started when you decided to tell what was going on. That's when you decided you want to fight back and get over this. I simply want to begin there because I want to help you to give everything a place. To do that, I need to know why you decided it was enough, so we can go from there."

It sounds logical and I know we will come to the subject anyway, so I better just tell about Christian now. Maybe it gets a little easier in time.

"I met someone while I was on vacation in Italy with my parents. A guy. He made me feel comfortable enough to share things with him. I think it also was easier to tell him because he didn't know the real Ana and he doesn't live anywhere close to Savannah. I guess he was safe."

Again, Dr. Flynn nods his head while he writes something down on the paper. After that, he looks at me curiously.

"Can you tell me something more about him?"

Oh, God. How am I going to tell him about Christian without feeling that pain? I've been trying not to think about him because every time I do I only want to cry. It just hurts too much.

"Um, well, his name is Christian and we spend two weeks together. In those two weeks, he has grown into someone special for me. Saying goodbye was very hard." I say while feeling the tears burn in my eyes.

"You seem very affected by this guy." Dr. Flynn says before giving me some of the tissues that are standing on the table between us.

I nod my head and try to stop the tears and not get too upset. It will only make talking harder.

"I am. I have never felt like I've felt when I was with him. He showed me that I was worth it and I believed it. And now that I'm back, it all fades. Everything he taught me about being more confident and strong, I can't seem to hold on to that thought. The only thing that I'm feeling since I left Italy is pain and fear. For so many reasons." I tell him in between sobs. This is so much harder than I thought it would be.

"Can you tell me the reasons?"

I take a sip of the water that was also standing on the table and try to calm myself down. I wish mom was here, so she could help me tell this, even though she probably wouldn't know what to say. She is waiting for me just outside because she thought that it would be easier for me to talk then. I agreed with her since I didn't want her to know every detail, but now I just need her comfort.

"Missing him hurts so much. I have never felt like this before, but I feel it in every fiber of my body. The pain goes so deep, it like it is the only thing I'm feeling. And then there is the pain because it seems like I only now realize what happened those two years, how much impact it really had. I know they hurt me physically and I cried a lot during those two years, but this is a whole different story. I really don't see how I will ever feel better. And to make it worse, I have this constant fear in me, even more than when I had to look over my shoulder at school. I'm afraid that Leila, Lisa, and Susannah will come looking for me once they realize that I won't be coming back, that I transferred to another school. I can't believe they will just let it go that easily. And then the nervous feeling I have about going to that other school. Will people find me okay there? What if they ask about why I transferred? What do I say then? All these feelings are so much, I don't know what to do. I can only think of going to sleep because that is the only time I'm not thinking about it, if I don't have a nightmare that is. I just want it to stop. I don't want to deal with the pain anymore."

I surprise myself by getting everything without sounding understandable. My sobs are uncontrollable and my whole face is red and wet with tears, yet Dr. Flynn seems to have heard every word.

"You want what to stop?" He asks, a little more forceful now than he was asking things before like he is a bit alarmed.

I look at him, taken by his sudden change in speaking. He is looking at me with a piercing stare, his eyes serious. I am a bit surprised by his reaction considering he is a shrink and he must hear things like this more often.

"Everything, I guess." I mumble, now not sure that I want to tell him about the other thoughts I'm having.

He looks at me again, his stare still the same as before I gave my answer. His fingers pick at something invisible at the paper on his lap, his eyes never leaving me. His stare makes me nervous like he is trying to see right through me to find my hidden thoughts.

After what feels like minutes, he speaks. "Ana, I know talking about everything takes a lot of courage, and you are doing great so far. I know that no one can understand what you have been through. Something like that is only understandable when you've been through it and I'm not trying to convince you that I know exactly what to do because I don't. I can help you by listening to you and search for ways to deal with everything. But in the end, it is up to yourself. The thing you just said to me, about wanting it to end, concerns me. Have you been having these thoughts for long?"

I shouldn't have told him that. Now he is even more concerned about the whole situation and he might even tell mom, which I really don't want. She will only be more worried than she already is. And it is not like I'm going to act on those feelings and really do something to make it stop, I think. For now, the thoughts are just comforting. I don't know, this is confusing.

"I don't really know. Before the vacation, I had them sometimes but I always pushed them away with the strength I had left in me. Now it feels like that strength is weak, and the thoughts are louder, stronger. I'm really confused by everything that I'm feeling." I sign. Talking about this is exhausting and confronting and I really don't like it.

I think Dr. Flynn sees this as well because he is putting his pen and paper on the table and leans forward a little. It looks like he wants to stop this session, which I would absolutely agree with. I want to go home, clean up and lie on the couch while watching a stupid movie that can take my mind of things.

"You did good today, Ana. I think it is best if you come back right after the weekend. I can see talking about this has a big effect on you, and I want to take it step by step. Do you agree with that?"

I nod my head. I'm ready to go home.

"Good. I need you to do one thing for me." He says, getting my attention on him one more time. "If you ever feel like the part of you that wants to end it gets too strong, I want you to call me. I'm going to give you a number on which I will be available at any time of the day. I need you to promise me that you'll call me when it gets too much."

"I will."

"Good. I'll see you on Monday. Take care, Ana. You did well today." He says while giving me a small smile and offering me his hand. I take it before I turn around to walk out of his office and into the waiting area where mom is reading a magazine. The moment I walk out, her head jumps up like she wasn't paying attention to what she was reading at all.

"How did it go, sweetie?" She asks, concern dripping from her face.

"It was okay. Just take me home. I want to go home."

Mom nods and grabs my hand before walking through the doors, to the car. She feels that I don't want to talk about it further because she is quite the whole way. She is right, I don't want to talk. I just want to go home, take a shower and then sit on the couch. It is exhausting to talk about everything.

But I'm sure it will help. Eventually. Right?


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: And the second one. Remember: first read chapter 18! Again; so sorry for not posting yesterday. See you tomorrow, for real! Enjoy and let me know your thoughts. xx**

Chapter 19: Welcome home, little brother.

Fucking finally. After six days that didn't seem to end, we are finally packing and in an hour we head over to the airport. I can't wait to get home and start packing for college. New start, with new friends to take my mind of everything that happened here in Italy. New things that I hope will able to take my mind of Ana.

Because no matter how hard I tried these past six days, Ana popped up in my mind everywhere I went. She and the time I spend with her are all consuming, even now that she is hundreds of miles away from me. Which isn't very weird, considering I'm utterly and completely in love with her. Shocking as hell, but true.

Every night I closed my eyes, I smelled her which was actually very comforting and helped me go to sleep. When I woke up I smelled her too, and that was a little more difficult. Her smell begged me to stay in bed and my dick begged me to have a go while thinking about her. And my dick has a very strong will. Needless to say, I missed breakfast almost every morning because I was thinking about a naked Ana laying under me moaning my name.

And when I finally dragged my body out of bed, of course everything reminded me of her. I tried to spend time at the beach, but I found myself looking for a browned haired, pale gorgeous girl that wasn't in Italy anymore. At the pool, it was the same story. So I ended up spending most of my time in the gym, pumping myself up and getting all of the frustration out of my body.

Frustration aimed at Ana for making me fall for her harder than falling off a cliff. Frustration aimed at me, for letting it happen and for not asking her for more information. Frustration aimed at my parents for bringing me here in the first place. If they wouldn't just let me stay home, none of this shit would have happened. I would still be Christian Grey, first class player. Frustration at everything and everyone. But most of all frustration because I have never felt as good as I felt the two weeks I spent with Ana, and it seriously hurts to know I will never see her again because I was too stupid and cool to tell her I might want a little bit more.

So I think it will be good for me to get out of this hotel and leave everything behind. I'm excited to go to Seattle and move into the dorm I share with three other guys. I haven't them yet, I will when I start moving in, which is in two weeks. This will be good for me.

A knock on the door startles me from my thoughts. When I open the door, Mia is standing in front of me. Already looking like she always looks in Portland, no more sundresses. We are almost leaving.

"Hi, Chris. Ready for the flight back?" She asks while walking into my room as she came here on invitation.

"Yeah, you?" I ask her before closing the door and following her into the room.

"All set. Listen, have you talked with mom and dad about Ana?" She asks while she is sitting on my bed, looking at me with curious eyes.

Mia made it her mission to get to know more about Ana this last week. She tried every day at the reception, in hopes that one of the receptionists would give her Ana's information. She even went to the campsite and asked around near the mobile home where Ana stayed, to see if people might knew anything more. Of course, nobody gave her information which means I still can't contact her.

I just tried to do things that had absolutely nothing to do with Ana because it would only make me miss her more. I kind of accepted the fact that it was just a summer romance. I know it will be damn hard, but eventually, I will get over it. It is the best way for both Ana and me.

"Why?" I ask her. I'm not really seeing how mom and dad would know more about Ana than me.

Mia looks at me with a huge 'are you serious' look. "Because mom and dad talked to Ana's parents while we were having dinner. Maybe they know a little more about where she lives or something." She is rolling her eyes as well.

I have to admit, she is right to roll her eyes for this reason. Why the hell didn't I ask mom and dad? I really have to get my head out of my ass. Fucking hell, Ana truly consumes my whole mind. I can't even think like the smart guy I am. Fucking idiot.

"Right. I will talk to them." I say, acting like the whole thing with Ana doesn't bother me that much anymore.

Mia just chuckles, not believing my whole attitude, and then stands right in front of me. "Don't make effort, I already did. Mom and dad don't know their address but they do know that Ana's last name is Steele. Her dad works for the military and her mom is a hairdresser who works from home."

Ana Steele. Anastasia Steele. That isn't much to go by either, but at least it is something more than just Ana from Savannah.

"Thanks, Mia. Maybe I will find her someday." I smile. Goddamn, talking about inconsistent. First I say it is better to just let it be, and then Mia comes along with information, very, very little information I might add, and suddenly I'm thinking about the possibilities again. Love makes you do fucked up things.

I have to admit that it is really sweet how compassionate Mia is about the whole Ana situation. Even though I know she will tell Elliot everything when we get back, I'm still happy I could talk to her about it. It made my week without Ana a little easier. We had time to do some things together, like renting scooters and playing table tennis for hours to break our record. It was nice. But I'm fucking happy to go back home and go back to my normal, easy life. In college this time.

"Your welcome. Mom and dad send me to come and get you. The cab will be here soon. Get moving." She smiles before walking out of the door again, leaving me alone again.

One last time I look around, to see if I packed everything and to take it in one more time. This room, this bed, it is the place where Ana gave herself to me. Just thinking about it makes me smile. She really made this vacation memorable, and I wish I had something that I could take with me.

I look at the bed one more time, the sheets haven't been cleaned after our night and the pillow still smells like Ana, even though it has been a week. Would they notice it if I take the pillowcase with me? Fuck it, if they will I will pay for the damn thing, it is the only thing I have that smells like her.

After I pulled the pillowcase off of the pillow and put it in my hand luggage, I walk out the door. Call me crazy but it seems less difficult to walk away now that I have something that smells like her.

I maybe have to leave this romance behind me, but I'm taking her smell with me, and I don't give a flying fuck if that is a creep move.

* * *

"I'm going up to shower and have some rest." I tell mom and dad the moment we walk through the door at home. I'm exhausted.

"Good thinking. Me too." Mia says before walking behind me up the stairs as well.

"You two do that. Dad and I just have a drink, we'll be up soon as well." Mom says before walking out of our view.

The moment I step into my bedroom, I feel relaxed. Nothing beats your own bed. I cannot wait to get in and sleep for hours.

Just when I'm about to get changed though, Elliot walks into my room, without knocking. And by the looks on his face he isn't planning a short hello and welcome back.

"Ciao stronzo, how was Italy?" He asks, greeting me in his style completely.

Please, let him be gone fast. "Hi dickhead. Good. Nice weather and great food. Nice hotel as well, mom and dad gave Mia and I both our own room."

"Mia told me. That's insane dude. Wish that they did that for me. How where the European chicks little bro? Did you give them a good Grey introduction?" Elliot says while slamming my shoulder.

Just great, I've just had a very long flight without any sleep because t was fucking cold on the plane and how am I welcomed back home? By my older brother who immediately asks for dirty details while I only have one. One that I don't want to talk about with him or anyone else. Normally I would definitely don't mind on going into detail about how my session with a girl was, but with Ana? No way in hell. It isn't any of his business. Ana was for me alone.

"I had a good vacation, Elliot, thanks for asking." I tell him. I doubt he will be satisfied with this answer, but I will try anyway. You'll never know.

"Good as in beautiful Italy and nice historical places or good as in pretty Italian girls and good pussy?" He wiggles his eyebrows. Thank fuck mom and dad are still downstairs.

"Ell, I'm fucking tired and I really don't have much to tell you. The girls were pretty, but I don't have any dirty stories to tell. I kept it low, you know?"

He chuckles while shaking his head. "Right. Mia said something like that. How about that pretty brunette girl then? Amy? Ally? Eva?"

Fucking asshole.

"Ana." I growl before I even have time to stop myself, hands already in fists, ready to lash out to him. Asshole. He knows fucking well her name is Ana.

Elliot holds up his hands in defense. "Ana, okay. Relax, didn't mean any disrespect. I just couldn't remember her name. Heard you had a bit of a fling with her. How was she? Nice body and good moves?"

"Keep talking, Elliot. Make my fucking day and keep talking." I tell him, hands still in fists. He doesn't want to go there.

"Woah, Jesus man. What's with the attitude? You suddenly became a gentleman and don't talk about pussy anymore?" He looks a bit shocked now and I think he also sees I'm serious because of my reaction.

I just sign and shake my head. "No gentleman. And I will talk about pussy any other time, just not hers."

It stays silent after that, and I almost think and hope that Elliot left the room. But when I look up, however, I see him standing on the same spot, eyes wide and mouth open. He looks ridiculous.

"Fuck me. Are you joking, Chris?" He whispers like he just discovered a horrible secret nobody else can know. "You seriously like her?"

I just roll my eyes and stand from the bed to unpack my suitcase. This is useless. "Just get out, Elliot. I have to unpack my suitcase and I'm tired."

Again he just stands there, looking at me like I'm insane. "Damn, you do. You like her don't you? Fuck, only you go to Italy as a player and come back as a lovesick puppy."

"Now you're overreacting, fucker. I've just met a girl that was different from any other girl I've ever met and I did more with her than just a quick fuck. We talked and had things in common. That's all." I tell him nonchalantly.

I'm so full of shit and this really sells short on Ana. I'm such an idiot.

"Liar. I've known you your whole life man, and this is definitely not all. Are you two keeping contact?"

He surprises me with his question, to be honest. I never thought Elliot would ask something like that, since he is completely a fuck it and duck it guy.

"No. It was too complicated. I only know her last name." I sign. I really don't feel like telling him everything. "Listen man, I'm tired and I just want to get some sleep."

"Fine." He says before walking to the door. Just before he walks through it, he turns around with a smirk on his face. "I would change your sheets by the way."

What. The. Fuck?!

"Fucking fuck Elliot. What the hell did you do?!"

He laughs really hard before walking back in and closing the door.

"I didn't do anything here. I had them in my own bed." He winks. "But man, there were these two sexy girls, and they were totally into each other, so I told them they could use your bed. They let us watch. It was insane. Maybe you shouldn't change them now that I think about it. I swear it was fucking hot."

Goddamn Christ. I don't know if I have to envy him or kick him in the balls.

"Jesus. Fucking pig." I grown, definitely more close to the second one right now, which surprises me.

"Your just jealous, little brother." Elliot chuckles before finally leaving my room.

Before this whole vacation, it would have been a dream to see two girls getting it on in my bed. But now I'm stripping the sheets of my bed like they are on fire. The thought only disgusts me now.

After I changed the sheets, I will have a shower and then I'll go to bed. I will unpack tomorrow. The only thing I want to do right now is falling asleep while I think about Ana. And I don't need any dirty sheets for that.

I just need the pillowcase she slept on and my memories. Tomorrow I will stop this insane behavior, but right now I allow myself to fall asleep with her scent next to me. One more time.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Chapter 20 and one of my absolute favorites. But also one in which we see Ana struggle more. So it is kind of a rollercoaster. I'm not keeping you any longer. Enjoy! xx**

Chapter 20: The Lioness.

I'm waking up from the sound of my alarm which is bleeping so hard it hurts. Every time I reach over to slam it out I miss, but after two tries I manage to succeed. Even though I know I need to get out of the bed, my eyes seem to have their own will entirely. They feel so heavy and I swear if I don't make any attempt to move right now, I will fall asleep again.

This night was hell, just like the night before and the night before that. Every time I was at the brink of falling asleep, I either saw Leila or Christian and both made me jump and wide awake instantly.

Leila in a bad way, Christian in a good way. When I finally got some sleep, it was a restless, unsatisfied sleep in which I had numerous nightmares. I'm beginning to lose faith in ever sleeping soundly again.

Today I'm having my second appointment with Dr. Flynn, and I'm not looking forward to it. Last time he let me talk, and I told him a lot. When I thought about it that night, I thought how I said way too much. I feel like he is now wanting to see me more than his original plan, and I don't like that idea.

I also hate going back to the moments where I was hurt, because it makes me relive the pain. Mentally the pain is so big, that I've been searching for ways to overpower it. Yesterday, when I was standing in the shower, the pain and all the feelings took a hold of me. Everything crashed and it was as if I felt everything for the first time, the insecurity, the voices that told me what a waste I am and missing Christian, it just got too much. Before I knew what I did, I had smashed the back of my head against the tiles, hard. And for a moment, all I felt was the pain in my head. It was such a relieve.

Of course, when the worse pain in my head disappeared, everything came back. And I just stood there thinking what to do next. I was so tempted in slamming my head against the wall again, even harder. But I also knew that it wouldn't take the other feelings away for good. So, I just got out of the shower and tried to distract myself with writing some things.

That night, I watched a movie with mom. Although we never really watched it with concentration. Mom asked me how my talk with Flynn was, and I told her what Flynn wanted to know. One thing led to another, and before I knew it the subject had changed into Christian.

Mom was very curious about what had happened during our night together. I told her we had a great time and that we had watched the fireworks, but I didn't tell her that we had sex. It somehow feels like that is something that only belonged to us. Mom didn't ask further either, she just wanted to know how I was doing now.

I honestly told her how I feel about missing him. About how hard it is and how I keep thinking that I wished it never happened, even though it also gave me beautiful memories. The fact that it keeps getting worse, concerned my mom and she suggested to talk about it with Dr. Flynn again. She really has no idea how to help me and I feel sorry for her. I want to let her know how she can help me, but I don't know what she could do for me either.

My mind keeps drifting to very dark places where voices tell me that no one can help me. They tell me that I will never get over this and that everything I'm doing now with self-defense and sessions with Dr. Flynn is useless. I know that I have to fight them, but giving in seems so much easier. I feel exhausted and broken and I don't feel strong enough to fight anything.

"Ana, can I come in?" Mom asks softly after she's knocked on my door. It makes me smile, she probably thinks I slept through my alarm again.

"Yeah, come in. I'm awake." I tell her while sitting up so I can see her.

When mom walks in, she smiles and takes a seat on the edge of my bed. Her hand moves to my leg and rubs it over the sheet.

"How was your night, sweetie?" She asks, her voice full of hope that I've might had a good night.

I wish I could give her that good answer. Tell her that I slept good so she doesn't worry even more. But I would be lying if I did that, and I swore I would never lie again. I told dad that I would keep talking to mom. I promised him. So I'll just tell her the truth.

"Long and exhausting. When sleep finally found me, I woke up a few times because of nightmares. My head is so full."

Her face falls the moment I say it, and it breaks my heart. I really wish I could tell her anything else.

"How are you feeling besides that?"

"My head hurts and my eyes burn, probably because of the lack of sleep. Other than that I think I feel fine." I nod my head. I don't bother in telling her what I mentally feel, because that would only worry her more.

"Maybe you should tell Dr. Flynn about your sleeping problems as well. That headache is really because of lack of sleep. We don't want you to get a run-down on top of it. We need you physically strong so you can handle the battle mentally." She says, still stroking my leg to reassure me.

She is right of course. I need to be on top of my game to face everything and overpower it. I don't need any physical problems right now. Who knows, maybe he can give me some sleeping pills that will help me fall asleep.

"I will talk to him about it." I smile while nodding my head.

Mom nods her head as well. "Good. Now, how about you get dressed and then we'll have breakfast in town before we go to Dr. Flynn's office? I also need some new shirts, so we can go shopping as well if you like? We have plenty of time."

A smile forms my face instantly. I always love going to town with mom. We have the most fun with each other. It will also be a good distraction from the conversations I will be having with Dr. Flynn later today. Mom knows exactly what I need.

"I would love too. Give me two minutes to get dressed." I smile while almost jumping out of bed, for a moment forgetting about all the misery inside my head.

Mom giggles before she stands from the bed as well. "Relax, sweetie. We have time. Take a shower and get dressed and then meet me downstairs."

I nod my head and watch her leave before grabbing some clothes and walking over to the bathroom. Who knows, maybe this is going to be a good thing, starting positive. It might help during my session with Dr. Flynn.

Positivity, that's all I need.

* * *

"What are you going to order?" I ask mom while looking at the menu in front of me. We are sitting in a little bistro where you have great sandwiches and juices.

Mom looks at the menu again. ''I think I'll go for the salmon sandwich and I'll also take a green smoothie. You?"

"Oh, that sounds good. I'll have the same, only with an orange juice." I smile before putting the menu away. "Have you heard from dad already?"

"I have. He called me right before you came down. He arrived safely and he will be going off the map for three weeks, starting tonight. He will call as soon as he is accessible again." She smiles. I can tell she misses him by the way she talks. Three weeks without hearing anything seems so long.

"Good. He will call before we know it, mom. And I'm having a few weeks of vacation left, so we will get through it together." I smile while grabbing her hand, reassuring her that it will be okay.

She grabs my hand and smiles at me. She looks proud. It makes me feel special.

"It amazes me, sweetheart. How you are able to brighten my mood in just a second when I know what you are going through right now. You are so kind Ana, never let that quality go." She softly tells me, her hand squeezing mine now and then while she talks.

It is so sweet of her to say, and I will try to not change that. It makes me feel a little better, knowing that I can make people smile when they are sad. Maybe I should do something with that quality.

"I'll try. Maybe I'll do something with it as well." I smile.

Just when mom is about to say something else, the waiter appears at our table to take our order. When we told him what we want to have, mom takes another shot in telling me what she wanted to say.

"You should do something with that talent. Do you have any idea what you want to do later?"

I think about her question. I've always liked books and writing of course. But I also know that it is a very small business. Only the very unique ones get a change in publishing their stories. I also like the idea of working with young children. I think I would be good at that. And kids don't judge which is a very comforting thought.

"I don't really know. I think I would like to work with children. Young children, like 2,5 to 4 years old. I can tell them stories and read to them, so their language and vocabulary improves. Like in preschool or something." The thought makes me smile. I really think I would be good at that.

"That sounds fitting for you." Mom smiles. She is continuing to talk further, but my eye catches something behind her, which makes me lose all my interest in what mom is saying. At the entrance of the bistro, Leila walks in, with Lisa and Savannah on her heels.

I'm sitting with my face to the entrance, and if one of them looks up, I know they will spot me right away. I try to focus on mom and on what she is saying, but I only see her lips move. The only thing I hear are their voices and laughs, in the distance. They sound so far away yet it is like they are standing next to me. Everything around me is silent, except for the three of them.

"Ana? Ana? Are you listening?" Mom asks after I don't know how long, pulling me back.

What do I say? Do I tell mom that they are here? She knows what their names are, but she doesn't know that they are here. Do I tell her that they are here and take the risk that she will walk over to them? Or do I just ignore them and the uncomfortable feeling and hope that Leila and her crew don't notice me?

"Ana?" Mom asks again, now trying to get my attention by grabbing my hand.

Just ignore them. They won't see me.

"Yeah, sorry. Just was thinking about working with children. I never have thought about it but it really sounds like something that suits me." Back to the lying again. Every time these girls are involved, I lie. They are making me so weak. The control they have over me is disturbing. Even when they're not even realizing I'm here, they still manage to destroy my life.

Mom smiles and nods her head. But then she does turn around like she doesn't believe what I'm saying and wants to see what was taking my mind off the conversation we were having.

She is looking through the bistro, and the moment she sees the three girls, her head stops moving. I can only hold my breath and pray that she doesn't suspect anything. If she does, then it will be a disaster, I just know it.

The moment mom turns around, I feel the blood flow out of my face and my heart picks up speed. Mom's eyes are unreadable, I have never seen her look at me like this. Her eyes are slightly widened and by the movements of her tongue over her lips, I think her mouth is dry. Her hands are folded together on the table and her knuckles are white. She knows.

"Are those girls... Do you know them? Are they...?" Mom stutters, obviously struggling with what she wants to ask me.

I bow my head and look at my hands, trying to not let her read my face. It would tell her everything she needs to know, but I don't want to do that here. I can't let mom confront them here. She would make a scene and I really don't need that. Leila still hasn't seen me, so I want to eat breakfast and then go away from here, without being noticed.

Mom, however, doesn't even think about letting it go. "Ana? Sweetie, are those girls the girls who did everything?"

"Mom, just let it go, please? I just want to enjoy our sandwich and then do some shopping. They haven't seen me yet and I'm sure they will leave me alone while I'm here with you. It is over remember? I'm moving on." I tell her, desperately trying to convince her not to interfere.

I can see mom is in conflict with herself. She wants to set those girls straight and somehow revenge for what they did to me. But I can tell she understands that I'm scared and uncomfortable right now and that she doesn't want me to be in that position either.

Right before she wants to say something to me, our sandwiches and juices are being brought to our table. Mom looks at me one more time and then turns to the waiter, and I can only hold my breath. I hope she doesn't do anything embarrassing and demands the waiter to throw them out or something like that.

"Is it possible to take the sandwiches and juices with us? We are in a bit of a hurry."

She is the best. She is absolutely amazing.

"Of course, ma'am. I'll grab a few bags and take away cups. No problem at all." The guy smiles before walking away.

"Thank you, mom." I whisper while squeezing her hand that is still holding onto mine.

Mom nods her head and smiles a small, sad smile. I hate that this is costing her to smile like this. "It's okay. We can eat in the park. The weather is nice."

I nod my head and wait for the guy to come back so we can pack our breakfast. In the meantime, I'm looking at Leila again. They are sitting in the corner to our left, just next to the door. Susannah and Lisa with their back to me, Leila facing me. They are busy having a very animated conversation and they still haven't noticed me.

Two minutes later we have packed our breakfast. Mom already stands from her chair, waiting for me to stand as well. When I do, I look at the table of the girls again, and I'm looking straight into the eyes of Leila. It's like I'm petrified. For a moment I'm not able to move even though I really try. I try to run away, but I can't.

Leila has a small smile on her lips, and her eyes are like always filled with hate. Her hands move over her lips two times before she nods in my direction, making the other two turn their heads around at rapid pace. Lisa just giggles, but Susannah looks at me as if she will kill me. If looks could kill, I would be dead right now. I feel the hate radiate from their gazes, and I have no idea how to get out of here since we need to pass them. Even though mom is here, I'm so scared.

Mom turns around to see what is costing my reaction, and when she turns her head back to me, all I see is rage. She is so angry, her hands are in fists beside her and I can tell she is counting to ten in her head, trying to calm herself.

"Let it go, mom. Let's go." I tell her, my voice shaky.

Mom only nods her head and grabs out breakfast before she walks to the door, me on her heels in high tempo. We move closer to the door and their table, and I truly hope they won't say anything and just let me leave. That they just let me go.

The moment we walk past them, however, Leila speaks. Her voice is ice-cold, and she had absolutely no shame at all. She doesn't care that my mom is with me, she only has one goal. Making me miserable.

"Hi, Ana that knows how to handle a banana."

Her voice is soft, almost not audible, but I've heard her. And so did mom since she has stopped walking and is standing right next to Leila.

"Excuse me?" Mom says while turning to Leila who is looking up surprised like she only now realized my mom is with me. She doesn't look impressed though. She just looks mom up and down in an arrogant way before chuckling, making Susannah and Lisa giggle like the good followers they are.

"Mom, let's just go." I whisper while trying to push her to the door. But mom is not moving. This is going to be horrible.

"What is your problem exactly?" Mom hisses, her demeanor surprisingly relaxed for someone who is seething.

Leila just chuckles again and takes a sip of her juice. After that, she looks at mom and then at me. "You should ask your daughter that question."

I have absolutely no idea what she is talking about, and I honestly don't care. I just want to leave.

"I'm asking you." Mom tells her, still not planning on moving.

"And I don't feel any need to answer you. Just move along." Leila says while waving her hand like she is dismissing us. She really has no respect at all.

"Listen to me." Mom says, her hands on the table so her face is just inches away from Leila's. "You don't want to have an attitude towards me. I know about everything the three of you did to Ana, and I swear that if you don't stop it, the consequences will be immense. Don't test me little girl, because I will win and I will destroy you."

I'm looking at mom with wide eyes and open mouth. I have never seen her like this. When I look at Leila, I see she is impressed as well. Her eyes are slightly widened and she looks a bit scared even though she is trying really hard not to show. Lisa and Susannah are looking from mom to Leila expectantly like they are waiting for Leila to say something back and keep it going. But she doesn't. She just keeps looking at mom, it is like a staredown. And eventually, Leila looks away, making mom chuckle. It is amazing.

"That's what I thought. Let's go, Ana." Mom says, pulling me in front of her and pushing me through the door before she follows me, leaving a stunned Lisa and Susannah and a pissed off Leila behind.

What the hell just happened?


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Okay, I'm going to be honest with you; I had big debates on whether I should take this route, considering all your amazing reviews. You all want them together as soon as possible which I completely understand and that moment will obviously come. But my goal with this story, besides entertaining people and making them happy, is to show you what the effect of bullying can be. This is a matter close to my heart, and sometimes traumas aren't as easy to wipe away, how badly you may want to do that. So I've decided to continue the story the way I've planned and written it. I hope you'll stay with me on this bumpy ride, and I hope you can still enjoy it, even though it might be heavy. Trust me, they will meet again and it will not take 50 chapters to get there. Oh, and Ana will absolutely live! That was a question I got on PM. Big hugs xxx**

Chapter 21: You fight and you fall.

"Again!" Linda Albrich yells while she is standing in front of me holding the punching bag which I need to injure today.

Linda is a personal trainer, specialized in self-defense training for young women. And the last five and a half weeks she has been training me two times a week. We always start with a warming-up, followed by various situations where she attacks me and I have to defend myself and we always end with the punching bag. To let out all the build-up frustration.

"Again. Harder Ana. Come on." She encourages me.

I'm punching the bag like I am out of control. Left, right, left, as hard as I can. I feel the sweat running down my back and I'm insanely hot. This really is a good way to let out all the anger that is inside me.

Self-Defense training is very intense. Especially when we are pretending that Linda is attacking me. Sometimes I have to lay on the ground while she pretends to kick me, and everything comes back. Mentally it is equally exhausting as physically. The first three weeks I could only cry and turn away from her when she came at me.

But I have to say that it gets easier now, probably also because I have got the technique a little more under control. Linda showed me exactly what to do in which situation, and even though I really need to work on my strength and condition, I am getting more confident.

"AGAIN! They've hurt you, Ana, now it is your turn." Linda yells. I think she can tell that I'm thinking too much which is not allowed when we do this. When I'm punching, I just need anger.

My arms burn and my breathing is out of control, but I keep slamming against the bag, trying to pour everything I'm feeling into each punch.

Linda encourages me even more. "That's it, let it out, Ana. Hit them hard."

I think about what Leila, Lisa, and Susannah did to me. They humiliated me, they've hurt me and they've made me feel worthless. I feel my fists hit the punching bag even harder now that I think about it. Their laughs when I walk past them, their giggles when they made me fall or when Leila kicked me and the way that Leila talked to mom a few weeks ago, it has me seething. My arms seem to move on their own accord and my eyes are burning with tears. I hate them. I absolutely hate them for ruining my life.

Left, right, lift, right. I can't seem to stop now that I see their faces in front of me. Linda's voice is disappearing and the only thing I hear is Leila. Leila telling me how ugly I am. Leila laughing while she says I'm fat. Leila who tells me I'm good with a banana. Leila, Leila, Leila. Before I know what I'm doing, I've lifted my leg and kicked the punching bag so hard, Linda actually falls backward.

For a moment I just look at her, tempted to kick her since Leila did that to me so many times. Only Linda is not Leila. Linda is here to help me and she really does a great job at that. So, I let my arms hang down and take deep breaths to calm myself while Linda gets from the floor and stands next to me.

"That's what I've been waiting for." She grins while her hand moves to my shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly. "What got you going?"

"I thought about everything they did to me and I saw their faces and I just lost it." I tell her completely out of breath.

Linda nods her head. "That is understandable considering what they did to you. Do you feel better now?"

I honestly don't know what I'm feeling right now. I still feel angry, but I'm also exhausted. I think it did make me feel a little better. It helped me not to think about anything except the anger. But now that I've calmed down a bit, my head is full again. It seems that the only way not to think about it is when I have pain somewhere else. In this case, the burning pain in my arms felt like a relieve. It took over the other pain.

"I guess. I'm tired though." I tell her while walking over to the bench where my water is.

"How have you been doing with Flynn?" She asks me, following me and sitting down next to me on the bench.

Linda and Flynn are having contact about me and my progression. Linda first asked me why I needed self-defense classes, but I just couldn't tell her the whole story as well. Three times a week with Flynn is more than enough. Every time I talk about it, I feel horrible. So, I gave her permission to talk to Flynn. It is nice to know that she knows about everything, without me saying actually telling her.

"Okay. It's still very hard, but Flynn stays positive. I know that in the end it is up to me and I think that he can help me get there. Eventually."

"That's positive. And are you ready for school? Monday is the day. New school, new start. Are you excited?" Linda asks with a smile on her face like she is trying to brighten my mood regarding that subject. She knows how I feel about it.

I'm not looking forward to it at all. I'm so nervous, I swear I have been tense for a week. Just two more days. Saturday and Sunday. After this weekend, school starts again and even though I know that this is what I've wanted, I can't seem to get the confidence that this will be good for me.

"I'm nervous." I say, really not in the mood to talk about it. I know this whole weekend is going to be about school since mom is equally nervous as I am. On top of that, I'm meeting Flynn this afternoon and I'm sure he wants to talk about it as well. Enough is enough.

"That's understandable. But I'm sure you'll do great." Linda smiles before changing the subject. "Listen, how about you let me know what your class schedule looks like so we can plan the next training around it? I would still prefer to see you two times a week, but if that is not possible with school, we can also do once a week for a while, until your settled."

I nod my head. I hope that my schedule allows two times a week. I feel like I'm getting somewhere now and I don't want to lose that. I also hope that my schedule allows it since that would mean I'm not at school five full days of the week.

"I'll let you know. Thanks for today." I tell her while grabbing my stuff and walking to the changing rooms.

"You're welcome. And Ana, you'll be fine. New school, head high." She tells me before walking to her office at the other end of the gym.

Head high. She is right. Nobody knows me there, which is not only a bad thing. I can use it in my advantage. Fake it until I make it and pretend that I have all the confidence in the world. Maybe that will help.

When I'm in the changing room, I look around to see if someone else is here. I'm not really comfortable with chancing while I'm not alone these days.

When I've made sure no one else is around, I strip out of my leggings and sit down on the bench, looking at my upper thighs. Now that I look at them, I can't believe I did it but at the time it just felt good.

On my thighs are six burn marks, three on each leg. Burn marks that I've put there myself with mom's hair straightener. They are healing now since it has been a week but because I'm scratching them open every time, it doesn't look very pretty.

I know it is stupid and unhealthy and even dangerous, but I couldn't help myself. I just had a very intense session with Flynn, where he asked me on and on about Christian even though I'd told him I didn't want to talk about it anymore. When I came home, I was so upset and I felt so much pain that I couldn't get out of it. I went upstairs to the bathroom to take a shower and saw mom's straightener there, which was still hot.

I didn't think anything, I could only feel the pain of missing Christian and at the time it seemed like the best idea I've had in a while. I grabbed the straightener and pressed it on my skin. And I welcomed the pain. I almost enjoyed it. For a moment it was the only thing I felt and it gave me control over my feelings again.

Of course, that control only lasted for a couple of minutes before the pain faded and everything came back, but it felt good. It calmed me and I was able to forget my whole session with Flynn and actually enjoy my shower. Now every time I need that feeling again, I scratch them open. Mostly when I'm in the bathroom or taking a shower. But since my skin is healing quickly, it is not that satisfying as the first time anymore. And that is dangerous.

Missing Christian is consuming my mind. Where in the beginning I had nightmares about Leila, I'm now having them about Christian. I dream that he is dead or that everything didn't happen for real. But the worst one by far is the nightmare where he visits me at my new school and starts bullying me before he kisses Leila and then runs off with her. That one definitely breaks my heart.

I've talked to Flynn about it a little, in the sense of my sleepless nights. I asked him if he can give me some medication that will help me sleep, but he decided against that since he heard me talk about how I want everything to stop. He didn't think it was safe. Now mom is making me tea with chamomile and honey to see if that helps. Although it does get me to relax, it doesn't help me sleep better because that problem isn't physically. It's a mental problem and tea, unfortunately, doesn't fix that.

I jump out of my thoughts by voices that walk through the door and I get on my jeans as fast as possible. Two older women walk in and start changing as well. They are probably here for the next class. I also change my shirt and when I'm done I walk through the door to my bike that is standing outside.

The gym is only ten minutes from my house, and I always enjoy the ride back. It helps me process the session Linda and I had and the nice weather makes that easier. It is also a good cooling down.

Next stop; shower at home and then Dr. Flynn with mom. A self-defense teacher and a shrink, what a satisfying day for a 16-year-old girl.

* * *

"Do you need some more water?" Dr. Flynn asks while standing from his chair and leaning over to rub my shoulder, trying to calm me down for what seems like the tenth time this session.

I think he has decided to make this session as hard as possible. After he asked me about self-defense and the two years of bullying, the subject once again was Christian and I just don't understand Flynn's fascination with him.

"No, I just want to stop talking about Christian." I tell him, my voice angry but fragile. Exactly how I feel.

Dr. Flynn sits again and looks at me, his eyes very stern. I just know he will give me a speech right now. In the past five weeks I've been seeing him, he has given me one at least once a week. Sometimes completely deserved, other times just to get me to talk.

"Stopping with talking about him isn't going to take your problems away, Ana."

"Christian is not the problem." I growl. Now I'm just pissed at him. The thought of Christian and our summer is the only thing that seems to keep me going. If it wasn't for him, I just know I would not be here right now. He is the reason I told mom and dad.

"I know he is not, but he isn't making it easier either. Ana, I can see how you react when we talk about him. It is obvious that you miss him and I'm worried about that. I don't want you to stay in the negativity of missing him. That alongside with the trauma you already have because of the bullying, it is building and building and I'm worried that you are not coming out of it. I want to help you, but you have to accept the help I'm offering Ana. And that help only works if you talk to me." He says, his voice back to steady and reassuringly. It amazes me how he can change his attitude in the blink of an eye.

I know that he is right of course. Even though my summer with Christian is a good memory, the fact that I'm missing him this much isn't good at all. I know that it makes everything worse. But he doesn't understand what I feel. He could never understand what I feel when I'm alone. When I hear those girls in my head, yelling what they really think of me and how they see me. I've been hearing those things for so long that I'm starting to believe them. Combine that with the lack of sleep, missing Christian and the constantly exhausted feeling, and you know how I'm feeling for the last six weeks.

"I know. I'm sorry. I've just lost hope. I don't think I will ever be okay. I'm tired." I tell him in between sobs. I manage not to cry, but it is right there, I feel it burning behind my eyes.

"Are you still having that much trouble with sleeping?" He asks me, sounding worried.

I nod my head. "Yes. The nightmares are getting worse and it takes hours for me to get to sleep in the first place. I keep letting my mind wander and then I land in very dark thoughts. Those thoughts scare me."

He looks at me for a few moments, probably asking himself how he can help me any further. I think he is beginning to see how hopeless I really am.

"Ana, is it okay with you if I ask your mom to join us for a second?" He asks me, surprising me with the question.

He always says it is better to come to sessions alone because I need my full attention and I also need to feel that I can talk about everything without worrying about what mom thinks of it. Mom is here every time though, in the waiting room. Not once she has let me go alone, and that means a lot to me.

"Sure." I mumble. I'm not going to talk about anything mom can't know anyway. I'm done talking for today.

He nods his head and walks over to the door. When he opens it, mom is already looking in our direction.

"Mrs. Steele, would you please join us for a second?" Flynn asks her while holding out his hand in invitation.

Mom nods her head and walks in immediately, taking the place next to me on the couch while her hand instantly grabs mine reassuringly.

"Mrs. Steele, I assume you are aware of the fact that Ana has trouble with getting enough sleep?" Dr. Flynn starts, looking at my mom in question.

Mom nods her head and looks from Flynn to me like she is searching for answers about what is going on. I wish I could tell her, but I have no idea what Flynn is trying to achieve with this either.

"We have reached the point in therapy where it is necessary to start moving forward, and I have a feeling that something is holding Ana back in doing so. I believe that it makes it even harder for Ana to move on because she has trouble sleeping. She is starting to get exhausted and that is not helping the process." Flynn says while looking from mom to me, giving both of us equal attention.

"Mrs. Steele, with your permission, I would like to prescribe Ana some medication to help her with getting some sleep."

Mom looks at me, her face oozing worry. "Isn't that too drastic? I've heard that medication like that can work addictive."

"I think we have reached a point that we have to choose between two evils. I want to help Ana, but I can see she is struggling with the effects of way too little sleep. It can work addictive, which is why I need you to supervise for Ana, to make sure she doesn't take too much. It is a standard procedure with someone under the age of 18."

For the first time since a long time, I feel like my sessions with Flynn are getting somewhere. I hope mom will agree with Flynn and allow the medication, because I know I can't go on like this for much longer. Getting sleep is something that I desperately want, so I just hope that medication will work.

"And what kind of pills are you thinking about?" Mom asks. She is not giving in easily.

"I was thinking about Diazepam. It is also known as Valium. It helps with insomnia, as well as anxiety and distress. I think one low dose a day, before going to sleep, will be enough. But as I said, I need you to supervise to make sure it stays with that one low dose only." Flynn says, now looking at me like he is telling me not to think about doing anything stupid.

Like I would do that. Come on, I'm not that desperate. I think. Although, the thought of being completely knocked out for days seems very tempting.

"If you think that it would help, I guess we should try it. But only a very low dose." Mom says.

"I completely agree. A low dose. Ana, what do you think about this?" Flynn asks me, him and mom looking at me questioningly.

"I just hope it will help me with getting some sleep." I sign.

Both mom and Flynn nod their heads before Flynn speaks. "That's settled then. I think it will help."

"We trust you to know what's best." Mom nods while squeezing my hand.

"I think we have talked enough for today. I'll get you the prescription in a moment, so you can get the pills at the pharmacy right after you'll leave here. Ana, I'll see you on Monday, can you be here at 5 o'clock, after school?"

"I think I can. If not, I'll let you know." I tell him while standing from the couch and putting on my jacket, desperately wanting to get out of here and go home.

School. My new school. It really is the last thing I want to talk about right now.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Thank you so much for all your support and positive reactions about me taking this route with Ana and Christian! It means a lot to see how you are all so into the story and it gives me HUGE motivation! Let's see how our smitten boy is doing, shall we? Enjoy! xx**

Chapter 22: Hope and a drink or two.

"Fucking hell, you are a lucky son of a bitch, Chris." Elliot says while standing in front of my window, in the room I'll call my home for the next four years.

He is right, I am a lucky son of a bitch. If I look out of my window, I have the perfect view of an all-girls dorm. And right now, all the girls are moving in as well while the weather is exceptionally hot which means they are all wearing tiny shorts and tank tops. We are talking nice asses and tits on display here. Yep, I'm living an every guy fantasy.

And how do I feel about that you ask? To my surprise and annoyance I couldn't give a flying fuck. The only girl I want to see in tiny shorts and a tank top is hundreds of miles away from me, somewhere in Savannah. I've met her on vacation seven weeks ago and since that day she hasn't left my mind. She is all I think about, twenty-four seven, seven says a week.

She is there when I wake up and when I go to sleep. She is there when I'm working out in the gym, she is there when I'm moving my stuff into my room and she has been the star in every dirty fantasy I have had since I'm back from Italy. I swear I have fantasized about fucking her in every position and making love to her on every location imaginable. I'm fucking doomed.

"Yoo, you could at least act like you are happy about it. Come on, man. The only thing I see when I'm looking out of my window are a bunch of garbage bins, you should at least look thankful." Elliot smirks, not once looking away from the window. "Holy fuck, one just dropped her bag. Jesus, that ass. Look. At. That. Ass."

I just roll my eyes. I never thought that I would be in a position like this. Not talking about insanely hot girls that are living right across the street. Not making plans on how to make sure every single one of them sees my bedroom and touches my dick. Jesus, does Ana own me or what?

"Chris, fucker, listen. It has been five weeks since you are back from Italy. Don't you think it is time to move on? If not, then you should act on your feelings now, because you are seriously annoying the fuck out of me. I miss talking pussy with you, man."

He is right, I know I'm annoying. I think it too myself. But if I could chose between being my old self again or being annoying, I would definitely pick the latter because Ana is on my mind in that scenario.

"How the hell am I going to act on my feelings, dickhead? I only know her name is Ana Steele. I can't very well fly to Savannah and knock on every door now can I?" I growl.

Like I haven't thought about doing exactly that. I'm fucking desperate. I have searched on the internet, on the name Steele in Savannah, and nothing popped up. I think that it's maybe because Ana's dad is in the military and he needs to stay private or something. I've searched on the internet with every information that I had, even hair salons with the name Carla in it. Well, there are like fifty women in Savannah that have the name Carla and work at a hair salon. You would think hair grows extra fast there. In the end, I was so depressed that I stopped looking. If only there was some kind of thing as an online system where you can find every single person around the world, then it wouldn't be so hard to find her. Fuck, someone should start that, it probably will make a fortune. Too bad I'm not very good in developing computer shit.

"I can offer you my services." Elliot smirks.

I look at him in question. How the hell is he going to help me with it? We both know I'm the smartest one of the two. If I can't find her, how the hell will he find her?

"And what exactly are you offering?"

"Look, I have a friend from college, Rick, and he moved to Savannah just three months ago. His dad got a job offer there and they grabbed everything and went. We still call from time to time. I can ask him if he can look out for her." He tells me while looking proud as fuck.

I have to admit, it is the closest thing I've got, considering the whole situation. I know Savannah is a big city, but maybe he can ask around. You'll never know.

"That could work. Call him. I'm running out of options here." I tell him while nodding my head. I fucking hope he knows who she is.

Elliot grins. "I'll call him tonight. I never thought that I would see the day, little brother. Now I really am curious about her."

I haven't told Elliot anything about Ana, except that she lives in Savannah and that she is sixteen years old. He doesn't need to know more. I like the idea of Ana being only mine. I know that she is going to meet other guys and that she will end up with one of the guys in Savannah. It doesn't matter if I find her, I know she wouldn't choose me. But I was her first, and until the day she has sex with anyone else, she is mine and mine alone.

"Tell you what. If that Rick of yours is able to track her down, you'll join me in flying to Savannah and I'll introduce you to her."

"Deal. But you can tell me what she looks like now, right? I need the info to tell Rick anyway." Elliot says, a smug smile on his face.

He is right, I need to tell him about Ana so Rick has something to go by.

"She has brown, long hair that reaches her lower back and her eyes are blue. She's not long, about 5'5 and she wears glasses." I say, not wanting to tell him about her fucking amazing body because then I'm not so sure if this Rick fucker will still tell us if he found her. Well shit, if he finds her than he will see her sexy body. Goddamn.

Elliot nods his head. "Any names of friends? Name of a school? Anything else?" He asks, looking at me in disbelieve that I didn't ask her shit.

I know, fucker. I'm an idiot. You don't have to rub it in.

"Her dad works for the military and her mom is a hairdresser. She doesn't have any siblings. That's all I know." Besides everything that I know about her that I'm not telling you.

"Alright. Let's hope it is enough. This is hilarious though, searching a girl because you are hopelessly in love after what was supposed to be a quick fuck in Europe. It's like you are that fucking Danny Zuko from Grease." He laughs.

I can't help but chuckle as well. I wish this was like Grease and that she would just run into me when I'm walking around the school. I'll even sing the fucking song about summer nights if she would show her face here, I'm that desperate.

"You've seen Grease?" I ask him, my face surprised and full of disgust like I've never seen the movie at all. He doesn't need to know I've watched that movie with a girl when she invited me over. Not even when I only saw half of it because I was distracted by the girl and her body.

Elliot nods his head while still laughing. "Shit man, I have. I've watched it with this chick, Kate. Blonde, big tits and a bit of an attitude. I thought that if I would watch it with her, it would be just to get in the mood or something. You know, fooling around while pretending to watch a movie. Well, I was wrong. She made me watch the whole damn thing and then showed me out with a grin on her face like she had planned the whole thing all along. Damn, I wanted that pussy."

"Did you get it?" I ask him, laughing as well. It is hilarious that we have the same game plan.

"No man, we are still talking now and then. She goes to the same parties as me. We always end up kissing but when it is time to go home, she always goes to her own house alone. She doesn't want to be one of many and I don't want one, so that's really where we are crashing. But I swear, she is on top of my fucking list and I keep trying, even though she is making fun of me all the time. I know she wants me too and her behavior is just her way of foreplay." He states.

This is exactly the reason why Elliot and I don't feel sorry after ditching a girl. We are completely open about not wanting to stick with just one girl. We never give any girl the feeling that it could be more. At least, normally. Ana is an exception and if I find her, she might be the one I stick with forever. Quite the statement, I know, but it is how I feel.

"She sounds like a firecracker." I say, sensing that Elliot might be a little more into this Kate than he wants to let me believe.

Elliot nods and chuckles. "She is. Can't sell bullshit with that one." He has a lovesick puppy smile on his face. I know it for sure because I have the same damn smile when I look in the mirror and think about Ana. He is definitely more into her.

"Anyway," Elliot starts, moving the attention away from his crush and onto mine again. "I'll talk to Rick and let you know the outcome. Let's hope he will find that dorky, little brunette of yours."

That's right bro, spread the word. She is fucking mine.

* * *

"A toast to great, epic years with a lot of wet pussy, great friends and of course in the end that fucking certificate for which we are here in the first place. Cheers!" Daniel says while holding up his shot of sambuca.

"Cheers!" Greg, Don and I say at the same time before slamming the shot down. It fucking burns like hell, but I have a feeling we'll be having the other one in just moments.

Daniel, Greg, and Don are the three I'm sharing the dorm with, and today we're all done with moving in. Daniel and I already slept here for two nights, but Greg and Don are staying here now as well. I haven't really talked much to them, but they seem nice and easy going. Daniel is definitely just like me. Yesterday he already had a chick over to show his room, among other things. Greg and Don are a little more low key, but I think it is a good combination.

"Alright, let's do a quick round here. Age, favorite food and type of girls your into. Don, let's hear it." Daniel says while filling all our shot glasses again.

I will definitely be drunk tonight if he keeps filling them in this pace.

"19, pizza pepperoni and blonde, tall and slim." Don says in one breath like he has thought it over.

Figures, another one who likes girls that don't eat. Ever since I had sex with Ana, I really have no idea why I was into those skinny girls before. Goddamn, her curves and tits, I get fucking high while thinking about it. Or it is the alcohol, no idea but I like the feeling.

"Nice, nice. Greg, your turn." Daniel says right after he drowns his shot.

"18, burgers and beer and I basically take what I can get. If she has a nice ass, good tits, and an okay face, she is good to go. You only live once, you know." Greg says and immediately after that he also takes his shot.

It makes me chuckle. These guys might just be the perfect team. Same interests, not the serious attitude and they love the ladies. I would be fucking happy if I knew I would be living with these three guys before I went to Italy. Right now I'm not really sure though, because if I have to act like the ladies man in front of them, it would feel wrong towards Ana. Which is insane because we don't have anything going on.

"Chris?" Daniel asks, all three of them looking at me in question. Here we go, be the big asshole.

"18, mac and cheese, every pretty little thing with a nice body, cute face and preferably not too much of a history in between the legs." I tell them before also taking my shot.

All three of them are nodding in agreement while cheering because of what I said. I'm guessing it wasn't about the mac and cheese part by the way. And I'm fucking disgusted of myself. Acting like the player while I've met this amazing girl that doesn't leave my mind. Acting like the player feels so wrong, like I'm betraying Ana in a way. If I don't find her, this feeling will ruin my whole college time. Just great.

"That's what I'm talking about." Daniel chuckles. "19, pizza and definitely brunette. Don't really care about shapes and sizes, as long as she has a nice face. The girl I was with yesterday was a good start for the season."

Definitely just like my old self. What an asshole.

"We are definitely going to get along great, lads." Grey says, pouring sambuca in all four shot glasses again.

If I didn't feel so weird I would have probably excused myself right now. I already feel the effects of the last two shots and I'm not really a type for drinking way too much. I never have liked the thought of losing all control by the hand of alcohol. But like I said, all the weird feelings need more alcohol.

"Keep them coming." I say while grabbing my shot glass and slamming it back again, hoping that for one night my mind isn't only Ana.

Daniel slams my back in encouragement while Greg and Don offer me a high five like it is the biggest achievement imaginable to slam one back while asking for more.

While the three of them start a conversation about football, I let my mind wander. What if that Rick knows where she lives? What if I go to Savannah and visit her? Would she like that? If I think about how we said goodbye, I can only think that she will be ecstatic when I come over.

Unless she has met someone else which is a very realistic possibility. She is so gorgeous, kind and smart. And now that she has the confidence to show what she is worth, I cannot believe that there isn't anyone who is giving her attention there in Savannah. The thought almost makes me regret that I had a hand in getting her more confident. The thought of her with someone else makes me so sick, I just want to grab the whole bottle of sambuca so I can't think straight.

"Come on, Chris. What do you think?" Greg asks, getting my mind away from Ana and another guy which I'm thankful for.

I look at them confused because I have no idea what I think about what they're talking about since I wasn't paying attention at all.

"I have no idea, man. But what I do know is that I need another one." I say, grabbing the bottle of sambuca myself this time while the others are cheering and clapping their hands again. This is going to be a disaster.

Let's fucking hope Rick will find her because I am losing it.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Chapter 23! This chapter will be the last chapter I'm posting for 10 days, because I'm going on vacation tomorrow to France! I'm not sure how the reception will be there, so I don't think I will be able to post chapters there. I'm going with my whole family, so I also think I'm not really having time to edit but I will make sure I have time to write chapters since it helps me relax! I know you are not going to like this news, but I have to say that me and my family are really in need of a little break after the emotional times of last few weeks with the passing of my grandfather. I hope you understand and that you will wait for my return! I promise you the waiting will be worth it. On with the chapter now which is Ana's first day at her new school. I think you are going to like this one! Positive vibes ahead. Let me know what you think and I'll see you in 10 days. Trust me, it isn't that long ;) Enjoy! xx**

Chapter 23: Fresh start.

Once again I wake up by the sound of my alarm and once again I only want to pull my sheets over my head and ignore the annoying beep that keeps coming back. It seems to be my new morning ritual. The only thing that is different from all the other times, is that I don't want to stay in bed because I didn't have a good night sleep.

This time I don't want to come out of bed because I have to go to school. My new school. And I have never been so scared and nervous in my whole life. I feel like so much depends on what happens this day. If everything goes well, then it means that I will not be living in hell for the remaining of my high school period. But if it doesn't, I don't even know what will happen. Horrible things, I'm sure.

Surprisingly, I have slept great these last three nights. The diazepam is really helping me to fall asleep, and when I am sleeping it seems that I'm so far away, I can't even dream. It is such a relief. And I feel so much better physically because for the first time in weeks I feel rested. I still need to catch up on some more sleep, but I feel like we are getting somewhere.

As for my need to hurt myself, the diazepam really doesn't help with that. Yes, it is nice to sleep through the night because when I sleep I don't feel pain, but at the same time, the pain seems to return twice as bad the moment I wake up. Like it only wants to torture me more now that it can't come through at night. Like it wants to punish me for getting the sleep I so desperately need.

The wounds on my legs are almost healed. At least enough for me to not be able to scratch them open again. Of course, I should be happy about that, but it also makes me sad. I'm in constant conflict with myself, with my good and bad side. I just hope that today will be the positive experience my good side and I need.

"Ana? Are you awake, sweetie?" Mom asks. I just know she hasn't slept because she is as nervous as I am.

"I am, mom. I'm getting ready and then I'm coming down." I tell her while getting out of bed.

"Alright. I've made breakfast." She says before I hear her walking down the stairs. It is funny that I can hear who is walking from the stairs by the tempo of their steps. Mom is almost running while dad's footsteps are slow and sounding heavy.

I grab my clothes out of my closet before walking to the bathroom. I'm not wearing anything special. I just want to blend in, so jeans and black, long sleeve shirt it is. Just normal. I can't imagine that they will find something about my outfit that would trigger them.

I take a quick shower before I put on some light make-up. Just some mascara to cover the tired look my eyes seem to have regularly. When I'm done I put on my glasses and look in the mirror. This is me, now let's hope they like me.

When I come down with my new backpack, a black one which is really just as plain as me so they can't make fun of it, I see mom has gone all out with breakfast. She has made eggs, bacon, avocado, toast, and she is making fresh orange juice as we speak.

"I thought you could use a good breakfast before you go. You can be nervous but you can't be hungry and nervous." Mom smiles when she sees me taking a seat at the breakfast bar.

"Right, I just hope I can eat something. I'm so nervous I feel like my stomach is turning." I tell her honestly.

She looks at me with a reassuring smile. "You'll be fine. You have to remember all the talks with Flynn and all the sessions with Linda. This is what you've worked so hard for, honey. Just hold your head high and always remember you are worth to be seen."

It makes me smile. She is so sweet and proud of what I've accomplished in these past few weeks. I'm so happy that she feels that way, but a small part of me feels guilty because she doesn't know everything. If she knew about what I want to do to myself, she wouldn't feel this way. More lies, again.

"I know. I'll try to think about it when I'm walking through the hallways." I smile before grabbing some toast and egg in hopes I can at least eat that.

"That's my girl. Dad will call you tonight to ask you how it went. He couldn't make a call now, but he is thinking of you."

Dad. I miss him so much. Just a few more weeks before he is back, I can't wait. It is not just the support I miss. It is everything. Even though dad is away for work a lot, the three of us are very close. We always have the best time together. Mom and I also have fun, but it's just not the same. It's like something is missing.

"I hope I have some good things to tell him." I tell her, truly hoping I can tell him about my first, nice day at school. It would be such a relief for all of us. It is what we all need.

She nods her head. "I'm sure you'll have. Do you want me to give you a ride? I can also pick you up when you're done? I'm not very busy today."

I think about it for a moment. I was planning on taking the bus since that is how I normally would have to go. It is a little further away than my old school, but not as far as a whole road trip. For today though, the idea of mom taking me seems nice. We can talk during the ride so I have some distraction and I can tell her about my day on the ride back.

"If you don't mind, I would love that." I smile.

"I don't mind. I would love to bring you. And I get to be the first one to hear about your very cool day when I pick you up, so it is a win-win situation." She smiles while clapping her hands excitedly.

God, she always knows how to brighten my mood. How I love my mom.

* * *

After a thirty minute ride, mom just drove away from my new school, leaving me standing in front of it. I take a deep breath and watch my mom turn around the corner before I turn around so I'm facing my school. The building looks bigger than my old one, and on the square in front of it are so many students, it is intimidating.

Everybody is greeting each other after not seeing each other for a whole summer and the atmosphere is nice. I have to admit that it doesn't feel like my old school. This place feels more open and inviting. It also helps that everybody is excited. It makes my nerves a little less all-consuming.

I decide to walk to the school and inform the reception that I'm new. In the e-mail dad got a few weeks ago, they said that I have to sign up before I can get my class schedule.

The moment I walk through the doors, the first thing I notice is the light. The main hall is so light and big, it feels very open and free. Like nobody can close me in here because there are so many places to run to. It is a comforting thought.

I walk to the desk to my left and knock in the window to get the attention of the woman that's sitting behind the window in her office. When she sees me, she smiles and stands to open the window.

"Can I help you?" She smiles, her voice sweet and welcoming.

"My name is Anastasia Steele and it is my first day at this school. I've transferred and I was told to sign up here." I tell her.

She nods her head like she knows I was coming. "Yes, we've been expecting you. My name is Mrs. Preston and I'm the head of administration. I have some forms that I need you to fill in, regarding your personal information before I can give you your schedule. I'll be right back."

She walks away to grab a file from the cabinet in the back of her office before she returns. When she is standing in front of me again, she gives me a pen and three forms with questions.

"When you are done, I'll show you around." She tells me before going back to her desk, giving me the time to fill in the forms.

Ten minutes later, I'm done and walking behind Mrs. Preston through the school while she is showing me around. I've seen the gym hall, chemistry classroom and the canteen. The school is definitely bigger than my old one and way newer as well. I've been walking through the halls, passing students as I go but nobody had even looked up at me. I'm hoping that that is a good sign and that I will just blend in.

"And this is where your day starts. Math. You'll be part of a group of students for the basic classes, your extra classes will be with other students. This is your schedule. Do you have any questions?" She asks, her face very approachable. It makes me feel comfortable.

"Not for now." I smile.

Mrs. Preston nods her head. "Good. If you have any questions, you know where to find me. Good luck. The teacher knows about you being new, so he will help you get through it. Don't worry, the students in this class are nice."

She gives me a reassuring tap on my shoulder before walking away, leaving me standing in front of the classroom alone. Just when I'm thinking about walking around a bit more, the bell rings, indicating that classes will start. And right after that, the door of the classroom in front of me opens.

"Well, look at that. Always happy to see students that can't wait to start after vacation." An older man says friendly. "Please, come in."

I smile and walk in and just moments after that I'm followed by other students that are busy talking to each other. They are all so too much into their conversations, do they don't notice me which is fine. I take a seat at the end of the classroom to the right, the perfect place to get through this class unnoticed.

Or so I thought because just when I'm getting out my book and a pen, I hear someone clear their throat right next to me. When I look up, I see a guy with black hair and slightly tinted skin. He looks a little Spanish or Italian.

"Hi, pretty thing. First day?" He asks, a smile on his face. His behavior is not really manly, more girly to be honest.

I nod my head and give him a small smile. "Yes. First day."

He claps his hands excitedly before taking the place next to me, surprising me. "Oh, so exciting. My name is José Rodriquez, but everybody calls me Josy." He says while offering me his hand.

I'm not sure, but I think he is gay. He is wearing a very tight white shirt and tight black jeans. In his ears, he has small earrings and it also looks like he is wearing a little mascara. He looks unique and nice. And his exciting mood makes me smile.

"I'm Anastasia Steele. But everybody calls me Ana." I smile.

"Ana. Perfect. So, are we nervous? Excited? Bored? Tell me, how are we feeling?" He smirks while also getting his stuff out of his bag, which looks like a giant, pink shopper. He really has his own style and is totally comfortable with it.

"Kind of nervous, but also excited I guess." I answer honestly, not as nervous as before but definitely not completely relaxed either.

He nods his head understandingly. "Don't worry, I'll get you through it, honey." He winks, making me giggle. At least one person is nice to me.

"Okay, okay, I think we've all talked about our summer enough." The teacher says, getting the class' attention on him. "My name is Mr. Jones and I'm your math teacher for this school year."

I watch the others reaction. They all nod their head, surprisingly quiet for a class who is been summoned to be quiet by the teacher. Some of them are softly whispering, but other than that they seem interested in what he had to say. It is like I'm in a different world. The people at my old school didn't stay this quiet when a teacher asked them, they only yell harder just to piss them off.

"Now, I have been told that we have a new student with us today. Anastasia Steele?" Mr. Jones asks while looking around the classroom, searching for the person that goes with the name.

I'm shrinking in my seat the moment I hear him say my name. Oh no, I hate this. All the attention on me. I already feel my cheeks getting red.

"Anastasia Steele?" Mr. Jones asks again, a little harder like I didn't hear it the first time. The other students are looking around as well, a few of them already know I'm Ana Steele since they probably don't recognize me.

I slowly move my arm up to make myself known. "Here" I mumble softly. I think nobody heard me.

"Ah, the excited student." He smiles. "Anastasia, could you please introduce yourself?"

Jesus. I hate this. What am I going to say? Do I say that I've been transferred and with that take the risk of Mr. Jones asking why? Or do I just stay superficial? For now definitely the latter.

"I'm Ana, and I'm sixteen years old. And I like books and writing." I say, not really sure what to say else. I'm not really good in telling what I like to do or who I am, for obvious reasons.

All the others are looking at me, not really an expression on their faces. At least not hateful ones which is a good sign.

"Welcome, Ana. I hope you enjoy this school and this class." He nods before continuing. "Let's start, shall we? Please open your books on page 12."

Thank God that wasn't a whole interview. I think he maybe sensed that I didn't really feel comfortable just now and that's why he moved on quickly. I think it is better that way because then I can maybe get to know everyone in my own tempo.

"Good job, girl." José winks next to me before turning his attention towards Mr. Jones. I really like José. Nobody has ever been this nice to me, let alone on the first day while he knows nothing about me. I'm beginning to believe that this really was the best thing to do after all.

* * *

"Bye, Ana! See you tomorrow!" José says while he, Mandy and Charlotte are waving at me with big smiles on their faces. Honest smiles, like they really enjoyed spending time with me and like they are excited to see me again tomorrow.

I'm walking towards my mom who is waiting in the car, and I can't help but have a huge smile on my face while I'm waving goodbye to the people I've met today. If you would have told me yesterday that this would be the case, I would've said you were crazy. But it is true.

The moment I step into the car, mom starts asking questions. She has a big smile on her face, no doubt because she has already seen my reaction and face, and is so excited that she is almost not breathing in between questions.

"How was it? Who were those kids? Did you have fun? Oh, Ana, I'm so proud of you sweetie! Tell me, tell me everything!"

It makes me giggle. Mom is so into everything I do, and it makes me feel even better than I already felt. This is exactly what I needed, and I can't wait to tell her all about my day.

"It was good, mom. I'm so glad that we did this. The guy who you just saw was José, and he immediately started talking to me when he saw me in class. The two other girls are Charlotte and Mandy which are friends of José. Both of them are in different classes but in between classes they all hang out. They are very nice and let me stay with them without even asking why I was at their school in the first place. I don't know them very good yet, but I think they can be my friends while I'm here. The teachers are also very nice, and not once they pushed me into telling why I transferred. For the first time, I feel like I can be a normal girl and get a normal time at high school mom."

I truly never thought that I would say this, but it is the truth. I think I can be one of the others here. I feel like this school fits me so much better than my old one. I'm so thankful mom and dad got me into this school.

"Oh, sweetie. You have no idea what a relief it is to hear that! I've thought about you all day, crossing my fingers that this was the right thing to do. I'm so proud honey. We are moving forward now." She smiles while pulling me into a bone-crushing hug.

"To celebrate we are ordering pizza tonight. And we can watch a movie. And you definitely have to call daddy. He is probably waiting anxiously for your call. I could tell he was a little bit nervous as well when I talked to him yesterday." Mom continues, now driving away from my new school.

"I will mom. I'll call him right after we got home from Flynn. Can you drive to his office now? I told him I would be there in twenty minutes." I tell her. I have called Flynn's office when I knew my schedule and he told me that he had time for me at 4 o'clock. I'm happy I can talk to him today because I finally have something positive to discuss with him. I also want him to know because this is a huge step in my way to getting stronger.

"Of course. You are a smart girl, Ana. It is very good that you are going to talk to Flynn about today. He will be so proud." Mom smiles, still holding my hand while she drives to his office.

We sit in comfortable silence, and I let the events from today settle in. I can't believe that I'm going to a school where people are actually nice to me. That I don't have to watch my back here and that I'm actually getting a change in going to school without being too distracted to pay attention in class. It feels like I finally belong somewhere, even though I have to get to know the people better. This is huge.

And again, it is all because Christian gave me the courage to tell my parents what was going on. Without him, I wouldn't be so happy right now. Without him, I would have never made this step. For the first time since I last saw him, I can think about him without feeling sad or crying.

For the first time, I'm just grateful that I've met him. For the first time, the thought of Christian just gives me butterflies and happiness instead of pain and loneliness.

I just wish I could tell him how he changed my life and thank him for it.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Bonjour! I'm back from a lovely vacation in France, where I wrote lots of chapters! And of course, I'm also well rested. :) chapter 24! We are getting into the darkest part of the story now, which will take about 5 or 6 chapters. After that, we only go up! This one isn't that hard, so I hope you enjoy it! Please review and you know what?... I'm giving you another one. Xxx**

Chapter 24: Hide.

It has been four weeks since the first day at my new school and I've come to the conclusion that it was the best decision ever made to change schools. I have gotten to know everybody a bit better, especially José, and they were all normal to me. Not too nice or too interested. Just normal, like I was one of them and like it wasn't a big deal that I transferred. I couldn't be happier about that.

José really is a great guy. He is very open and he is always there to help me when I need it. We have had great conversations. Nothing too big or deep, I haven't told him anything about my old school or what happened there, but he does know about my hobbies and I've also told him about mom, dad, and even Christian. I just couldn't keep the whole summer to myself and I felt comfortable enough around José to tell him.

José's mouth was open during my whole story about Christian. He didn't blink or speak. He just listened and when I told him about how Christian and I said goodbye, he cried. He actually cried, in a very dramatic, girly, over the top way. For the first time, I laughed while thinking about saying goodbye to him, because of José reaction. It was a bitter laugh, but still.

José also told me that he is gay, just as I suspected from the beginning. Unfortunately for him, his parents don't approve of it at all. They don't support him and his dad is even trying to convince him that being gay is some kind of illness. It really breaks my heart when I hear him talk about it. I can tell it has a big effect on him, which I completely understand.

I wouldn't know what to do if my parents were like that. In the last few weeks, I have seen for myself how important it is to have parents that support you. It makes me feel so safe and loved, even though I didn't feel that anywhere else. For José, it is the other way around. He doesn't have that at home and it breaks my heart.

In these last few weeks, the bond I had with my parents has turned even stronger. Before everything, I was close to them because they were my safe place. They gave me the reason to go on even though I hated everything outside of my home. Now, since they know, they are not only my safe place but also the greatest support to move on and don't look back.

And that is pricey the most difficult part as well, the fact that they are trying to encourage me to move on. My parents want me to look forward instead of looking at the past, which I completely understand. I even agree with them in theory. There is only one thing that is holding me back.

Christian.

Forgetting everything and moving on, not only means forgetting the bullying, humiliation, pain, and violence. It also means I am moving on from Christian. And that is exactly the thing that I can't do. At this point, I am even prepared to go through everything again only because I know I will end up in Italy with him.

Missing him is still as hard as it was before I started my new school. Mom and dad hoped that new friends would take my mind of off Christian, but until now they haven't. The need to talk to him is getting stronger by the minute. On the advice of Flynn, I have written the things I want to tell him on paper, so my head doesn't go in overdrive on thoughts about Christian. It doesn't really help with missing him, but it is a nice thought to know that if I ever see him again, he can read about how it was for me without him.

"Hi, Angie. How was your weekend?" José asks while he takes a seat next to me.

We are on the bus, and José just got in. He always takes the same bus as me, so we can ride the last fifteen minutes to school together to catch up which is a very big thing for José, especially on Monday.

"Hi, Josy. Good. Not really did anything special. Yours?" I smile. I love it that I have a bus buddy now, it is always nice to talk to him.

José grabs a small mirror and mascara out of his bag and starts applying it while talking to me. It amazes me how easy he makes it look with all the bumps in the road. I would have painted my whole face.

"Same as always. Dad dragged me to church yesterday and pushed me to confess my sins. When I didn't want to, he stormed out because he was mad. I haven't talked to him since." He signs.

"That's awful." I say while putting my hand on his shoulder. I can see he is having a hard time because of it.

He just shrugs his shoulders. "I'm used to it by now, don't worry."

"Even if you are used to it, it can't be easy."

"It isn't. But you know what? I have hope that one day he will accept me for who I am and that he will apologize for what he is doing now. He is my dad and I know that somewhere deep down he loves me." He smiles while nodding his head.

I smile at him too. I admire José's spirit. He seems to always be positive, no matter what happens. I wish I could do that as well.

"First class is gymnastics, right?" José asks after a few minutes of me watching him apply make-up.

I nod my head. "Yeah."

Normally I would hate gymnastics, but right now I'm seriously thinking about using my period to get out of it. I'm dreading it because I have once again done something stupid. Something that I just couldn't resist doing. In the last few weeks, it has become my addiction and even though I know how wrong, dangerous and humiliating it is, I can't stop it.

I need the pain to get through certain days. It is almost like it is replacing the pain Leila, Lisa, and Susannah cost me all those times. Like I'm missing the pain they gave me. After I burned my thighs, I promised that I wouldn't do it again, but my mind and body are once again not in sync at all.

Where it started with burning my skin, it now has come to a point where I mark my skin with sharp things. Mostly still my thighs, but also my hips. The razors of my dad usually are the thing I use to do it and I welcome the pain every time, sometimes even more than the time before. I enjoy it. It finally gives me control.

I can say that it is all because I'm still missing Christian, but that would be a lie. I know that there is much more to it than that. Missing Christian might have triggered it, but the reason I do it goes way deeper. It is years of bullying and feeling unwanted and unworthy, years of fighting a battle without anyone knowing about it. Right now, I feel even worse than when I did when it was all happening. Back then, I felt like I got more energy to move on because my parents didn't know about it and I didn't want to let them worry about me. Now, everybody knows, and even though my parents are my rocks, they still think that everything is moving up now. They think that therapy and self-defense are enough. And for a few days, I also thought they were but now I know they aren't.

I have reached a point where I'm beginning to think that nobody can help me. Not even Christian. The voices in my head are too loud and I have tried fighting them, but they don't shut up. They force me to believe what they say, and they want me to act on the things they demand. And I give in every time, stupid as it is.

Talking to Flynn about it is something I should do, but there is also the shame. The shame of not telling sooner, of not being strong enough to fight the voices away. Once again I feel exhausted and confused and this time the only one to blame is myself.

"Are we waiting for something? Let's go." José says while nodding for me to stand from my chair. The bus has arrived at school and I'm sitting here, staring in front of me like I'm waiting for the bus to take me home again. I wish it could at this point, how ungrateful it may sound.

Signing, I stand from my chair and walk out of the bus, towards the gym hall. José is as always very excited for this hour of the day. He has so much energy and he is very sportive. He likes to run and work out, unlike me. I like to hit against a punching bag during self-defense but that is about it. I'm way too uncoordinated.

The moment we step foot in the changing room, I can already see there is no way I can change into my sports outfit without anyone seeing the marks I've left on my skin.

"Here is a spot, Angie." José says, pulling me with him so we have a good spot on the bench.

He starts pulling his jogging and shirt out immediately, and I know I have to get moving also, else my weird behavior will definitely raise questions with José. He already looked at me weird when I didn't move out of the bus minutes ago.

"I'm going to go to the restroom really quick, I need to pee." I tell José while I grab my stuff out of my bag.

He nods his head, not even looking up from his things. "Alright hun, I'll wait for you here."

Bingo. I'll just change into my yoga pants while I'm there. It's good and disturbing to know that lying still is as easy as it always was.

* * *

"And don't forget to read chapter 23. I want full discussions about it the next time I see all of you." Mrs. McDorty says loudly, trying to be heard over the sound of chairs moving.

The bell just went off and that means school is done for today, so everyone is eager to go home. I'm not heading home unfortunately, because I have an appointment with Flynn right after I leave here. The past four weeks I've still been seeing him two times a week. We talk about my new school, the aftershocks of bullying and Christian. I know I should talk to him about the other thing, but I can't. I'm afraid.

"Are you coming to town with me and the girls, Angie?" José asks when we walk out of the school.

"Oh, I would love too, but I can't." I tell him, really disappointed I can't go. It would be good for me to do something normal like everyone else. I haven't hung out with José after school yet, I always went straight home or to Flynn or Linda.

José looks at me, asking me for an explanation with his eyes. What do I tell him? Do I tell him about Flynn? Or do I make something up? I have a feeling that I can trust José and that he wouldn't make fun of me for going to a physiologist.

I take a deep breath and look at José, ready to tell him about what happened at my old school. The moment I look at him however, I am distracted by someone that is standing behind him, right behind the fence, just outside the schoolyard.

My eyes go wide and all the hairs on my body stand. Breathing suddenly seems very difficult like my throat is squeezed shut in a vice grip. My hands turn into fists, and outside of the little thing that I can recognize as anger, the overall feeling that takes over is fear. Fear like I've felt it for two years and for a moment, it feels familiar and even relieved.

I try to recall everything that Linda taught me about self-defense. About not showing my fear and holding my head high. I think about what Flynn and I talked about, facing my fears to get strength out of them. I think about mom and dad, how I can make them so proud if I just stand up for myself now. I think about Christian and everything he said to me while we were in Italy but it all fades when I look at her.

I could've known that this would happen, that she would not just stop because I had changed schools. She found me, and she is here to continue what she has started two years ago.

Standing behind the fence with a satisfied grin on her face is Leila, and I instantly know that José will find out soon enough what happened at my old school.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Gotta love Christian's pov. Enjoy! X**

Chapter 25: Tracked down.

Fucking hell. You would think that waking up on Monday is about as fucked up as it can get, but it can be even worse. I'm woken by the sounds of some bitch moaning Daniels name over and over again like he is giving her the greatest pleasure on earth.

Normally I would just turn around again with a smirk on my face because I would completely understand Daniel, but that's not the case. Right now it annoys the fuck out of me because I'm beginning to get sexually frustrated. And hearing people around me having sex isn't helping at all.

I haven't had sex since Italy and that is a huge record for me. It's not that I don't want to have sex, because I swear I have never been this horny. There are enough willing girls around here, begging me for attention, so that's not the problem either. The problem is that I only want to have sex with Ana.

I just can't her out of my mind, and that is exactly what prevents me from having sex with every girl that wants me around here. If I would have sex with one of those girls, it would feel wrong. It would feel like I'm cheating on Ana, which is absolutely redicoulos and very disturbing since I haven't spoken to her since she got in that cab.

Instead of spending my days hanging out with my new found friends, going to parties and speaking to cute girls, I'm in my room thinking about Ana with my dick in my hand. And when I'm not in my room, I'm working out in the gym like a mad one. Since Italy, I've gained ten pounds in muscle. Working on school doesn't seem to interest me at all, even though I know that it would take little effort for me to get everything done.

All I can think about is Ana. Day and night. Ana. And when I'm, on very rare occasions, not thinking about her, I'm thinking about Elliot's friend and how he is working on finding her in Savannah.

I've been having contact with Rick about the whole Ana situation, and unfortunately, he hasn't found her yet. I spoke to him a week ago, when he asked if I had any more information about her than I'd already given him. I told him that I hadn't because I'm not telling him about how Ana got bullied. It is not my story to tell and I think Ana would hate for anyone else to know, especially when I tell someone who is living in Savannah as well. I also don't see how that information will help him in finding her.

"Fuck, Dan. Right there. I'm coming." I hear the girl scream, it sounds so fake and acted that I almost laugh. Jesus, I can't imagine that Dan seriously thinks he is really giving her pleasure. She is faking it, big time.

I once had a girl who did that, and I immediately asked her what she needed to really get there. She was so amazed when I asked her that, I think she instantly fell in love with me. Of course, I made her come exactly how she told me to do it before telling her that I didn't want anything serious. I guess that's the difference between Dan and me, I'm good at reading girls and their body language.

Which immediately reminds me of Ana once again. Her body language told me she loved what we did together, and it was sexy as fuck to watch her. Thinking about it now makes me rock hard in seconds, just like always.

On instinct, my hand moves into my boxers, grabbing my dick while I let my mind go back to Italy. To Ana, laying under me in my bed. Her hair is spread out over my pillow, her cheeks are red and her eyes are closed while she bites her lip. She is panting and her hands are gripping my forearms, her nails digging in my skin.

I stroke myself, thinking about how her moans sounded when I moved in and out of her tight pussy. How her lips felt when I kissed her, catching the moans with my mouth. Her lips felt so soft against mine, I can only imagine what her lips would feel like around my dick. How it would feel if she would lick the tip before taking me in completely, letting me hit the back of her throat while she looks up at me with those ocean blue eyes, begging me to fuck her mouth.

I pump myself faster, chasing my orgasm while thinking about Ana on her knees. It is by far the most effective thought to get me there fast. That, and the memory of how her pussy tasted and how nervous she was when I asked her if I could go down on her. She looked so cute and insecure, yet insanely sexy. And her taste, Goddamn, so sweet. I wish I could have a taste of it again, just one more time.

I move my hand even faster, feeling my balls tighten. I'm so close. I just need that one memory. That one memory of her that I treasure. Her delicious, wet pussy moving over my abs, trying to find that perfect friction to get her there.

That's it. I come all over my stomach in long, hard spurts. My whole body shakes while I have to try really hard not to scream. Even in my fantasies, she is amazing.

Goddamn, I fucking hope Rick has some news.

* * *

"This is the worst Monday I've ever experienced." Elliot signs while he dramatically lays himself on the small couch in my room. We always have dinner together on Monday, since his dorm is just twenty minutes from mine, and today it is at my place. Like always, we've ordered pizza.

"What now?" I ask him. He always has trouble with Mondays, so I'm not really surprised by his statement.

Elliot moves his hand over his face a couple of times before he speaks. "I had the best weekend, Chris. Like seriously, the fucking best. And now it is over and it pisses me off."

"Isn't every weekend better than weekdays?" I ask him. For me, that definitely is the case, since every weekend is a party weekend here. In the past weeks, I've been to so many parties I lost count. Every Friday and Saturday there is a party somewhere, and I make sure I always know a cute girl that can get me in.

What also makes those parties great, is the free booze that makes me feel numb. All my feelings seem less intense on the weekends which is a welcomed thing even though it isn't very healthy. At least it makes missing Ana a little easier.

"Normally yes. But not this weekend. This weekend was outstanding." Elliot signs dreamingly, almost like a fucking little princess. What the hell is wrong with him?

I look at him expectantly, waiting for him to explain his sudden princess paradise state, but the explanation doesn't come.

I roll my eyes. "And why is that?"

"Because little brother," Elliot begins while sitting up from the couch. "I finally, after working my ass off for weeks, got Kate Kavanagh in my bed. Naked and moaning my name while her nails scratched my back and my dick moved in and out of her tight as fuck pussy."

I chuckle while taking a seat next to him on the couch. "Goodman. Was it how you expected it to be?"

"Fuck yeah, even better. I swear she is amazing. I have never had sex with someone like her. She doesn't take bullshit from me and was completely in control. She decided what was happening, and I'm telling you, Chris, it was sexy as hell. And that body, Goddamn." He says, again looking like he is still seeing her in front of him.

"She has you by the nuts, my friend." I grin while shaking my head. "The big Elliot Grey at the mercy of a chick. Never thought I see the day."

"At least she is around to grab my nuts, fucker. Your nuts are owned by a chick you've fucked once. She isn't even around and she has them in a vice grip." He smirks, challenging me.

It has the complete opposite effect though. He is right. I'm sitting here, almost drowning in my misery because I'm in love with a girl that lives in Savannah and I can't get my mind off of her. Instantly I feel depressed again. I fucking hate love.

Elliot sees the change in my demeanor as well because he slams my shoulder. "Sorry man, that was a low blow. Have you called Rick for a status update?"

"I've talked to him a week ago, but there wasn't any news back then. I was planning on calling him tonight." I tell him.

"What the hell are you waiting for then? A lot can happen in one week, man. Call him." Elliot encourages while grabbing my phone from the table in front of us.

I nod my head and dial Rick's number and after three tones, he picks up.

"Hi Chris, I was just about to call you man. How are you?" Rick says enthusiastically, which gives me hope.

"Hi man. Hanging in there. You?" I ask him just to be polite. I honestly want him to get to the point as fast as possible.

"Good, good. Listen. I have information about that brunette nerd of yours. You ready?" He asks. If I wasn't so curious about this information I would have scold at him for calling Ana a nerd, but I hold my breath. Fucking asshole.

"Ready, let's hear it."

"Alright. So a friend of my mom's friend, Tanja, was having a bad hair day and needed a hairdresser right away, but her usual one was fully booked." He starts, making me roll my eyes. Get to the fucking point.

"So by recommendation of my mom's friend, she went to another hairdresser, Carla. She was very content with the result. Anyway, Carla talked about how her husband was in the military and about her sixteen-year-old daughter. And guess what the daughter her name is?" He says enthusiastically.

Before I can answer, however, he speaks again. "Anastasia."

Fucking hell. Anastasia. Ana. He found her.

"Shut the fuck up," I say.

"You're very welcome." Rick chuckles on the other end, making me chuckle as well.

"Tell me you know where she lives," I ask him, sounding desperate but I don't give a flying fuck. He found my Ana.

"Of course I know. I have mailed you her address. When you are here to visit the girl, we should have a beer as well."

"You are the best. Damn, I owe you. Thanks." I tell him honestly. He found her.

"No problem. Say hi to that wanker for me will ya? Haven't spoken to Elliot in weeks." He says while he chuckles. I can tell he doesn't mind that they haven't been speaking frequently.

"Will do. I'll call you when I'm in Savannah." I tell him before disconnecting the call.

Immediately after I hung up the phone, Elliot is in my face. "Tell me he found her? Did he found her? Fucking hell, he did, didn't he?" He is so excited about this, it makes me laugh.

"He did, bro. He e-mailed me her address. Fuck, I can't believe this." I say, still a bit in shock. This is a sign. We are meant to be, else he would've never found her. She is it.

Elliot slams my shoulder before pulling me in a hug, showing me he is truly happy for me. After he lets me go, he starts doing a crazy dance around my room.

"We're going to Savannah. We're going to Savannah." He sings before he stops abruptly. "Wait, when are we going?"

If it was up to me, I would jump on a plane right now, but even I know that that wouldn't be a good idea. I need to go to school, it is way too early to skip classes.

"Friday, right after the last class. Can you come with me?" I ask. I have no idea why, but I hope he can join.

He looks at me for a moment, deep in thought. "Chris, Mia's birthday is Saturday. She will never forgive us if we don't show up." He says after a minute.

Fuck, talking about timing. He is right, Mia has been planning her birthday for 12 months, she will never let us go. And after the weekend I have an important test. Fucking bullshit.

"Right, the weekend after that then," I tell him, pissed that I have to wait even longer now. But I know it is the right thing to do since this is my education and therefore my future.

Elliot nods his head. "Deal. This is going to be epic. We can also hang out with Rick. That dickhead really deserves a couple of beers on us."

I nod my head in agreement, I'll buy him the whole fucking pub.

"Chris, one question. What are you going to do if she has moved on?" Elliot asks me, pulling me out of my bliss immediately. Damn him.

What do I do if she has moved on? The changes that she has found someone else are high. She went to a new school, feeling confident and looking sensational, of course, she got attention from other fuckers. The question is if one of them got her attention as well. I fucking hope not, because it would seriously do a number on me.

"If she has moved on, I'll have to accept the fact that it was just a summer fling after all. But I need to take the change and go to Savannah to see her. To tell her what I feel. If I don't, I'll regret it for the rest of my life." I tell him, surprising myself with how honest I am to him about my feelings.

He nods his head. "Alright, we're going. Let's make a plan and open your e-mail."

He grabs a notebook and paper and starts writing things down about the trip. It feels good to know that Elliot supports me in this, I honestly didn't expect him to be so positive. Maybe it has something to do with that Kate. Whatever it is, I'm thankful for it.

I just hope that I'm not wrong about this and that Ana is thinking about us as well.

Fucking hell. Ana. I'm so close now, I'm seriously having trouble with keeping it together. I'm coming, baby.

Next Friday can't come soon enough.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: This one is the reason I was really doubting to post it the way I'd written it, but because it will make the story so much more interesting and because of all the encouragement, here it is. It was very difficult to write this one because there are a lot of emotions involved. Emotions that came back for myself as well, so I did need a few tissues. It is a very heavy chapter, which is why I warn you now. I realize that the events in this chapter are sometimes a sore subject and that it might not be what you want to read, but as I said, it is essential for the story and unfortunately, it is something that happens more than you might think. Let me know what you think. Thank you for reading. Xx**

Chapter 26: Mayday, mayday.

Leila.

My heart is racing like a maniac and my hands are sweating. My blood is pumping through my veins so fast, I can hear it going around. This is not good. She found me.

"Angie?" José asks, obviously surprised by my weird change of behavior. "Are you okay? You look a little pale all of the sudden."

I don't answer him. I can't even look at him. My eyes are glued to Leila's eyes and we both don't look away. I look at her in fear. Fear that I know she can see, even from the distance. She is confidently looking at me, her eyes glimmering almost excitedly, no doubt because she sees what kind of reaction she still has on me.

"Ana? You are scaring me a bit. What's wrong?" José asks, again trying to get my attention. When he doesn't succeed, he turns around to see what is causing me to focus on nothing else but something behind him.

"Who is that?" He asks the moment he has followed my gaze and sees Leila.

"Somebody that I used to know," I tell him while my eyes never leave Leila. I'm not going to look away first. She has scared me long enough. I will be stronger now. I've promised Flynn and Linda, mom and dad and Christian.

"What the hell does that mean Angie?" José asks, his eyes on me again. I can feel it.

I'm not responding because I can't. I have to go to her, and I have to do it now so that she can't come to me first. I have to go to her, to show her I'm not scared. To show her she doesn't have control over me anymore. So, I start walking, determined even though I'm scared shitless inside.

Her face lights up even more the moment she sees me walking towards her, she is enjoying this. I think she is also a little surprised by the fact that I'm walking towards her, instead of running away. She even looks a little impressed.

In the meantime, I feel like I have no control over my body. I'm walking towards Leila on automatic pilot while I feel my whole body shake. My palms are starting to sweat more with every step I take and I'm biting my lip so hard it hurts. I try not to think about the fear and keep thinking about Linda's encouragements. It's her turn now Ana, be strong.

The moment I'm walking out of the fence and standing right in front of her, Leila smirks and looks me up and down in disgust, as if she hates sharing the street with me. She has looked at me like this so many times, I'm used to it. But where I would normally be intimidated by her gaze, now I feel anger burning inside me. Anger because who the hell does she think she is? Why the hell does she think she is so much better than me?

"Well, well, well," Leila starts, her feet tapping while she speaks. Arrogance radiating from her attitude. "What a surprise Ana Banana. New school?"

I try to look confident, head high and back straight. "New school indeed. What are you doing here?" I ask her, surprisingly forceful. I think she can hear the change in my demeanor, even though it is only for show.

"I missed you," Leila says while moving her hand up to stroke my cheek in a very patronizing way like she is petting me.

I jerk my face away from her with force, showing her that I'm done with the way she is treating me. Her face shows a little surprise when I do it before she starts to giggle. I recognize that giggle. She is laughing at me and I hate it.

"Just go away, Leila," I mutter before turning my back to her with the intention to walk to José again, who is looking at me and Leila confused and curious.

"Wow, not so fast, Banana," Leila says while grabbing my shoulder and turning me around harsh. "I didn't come here to get an attitude from you. What the hell do you think? That now that you have a new school, you're suddenly the it-girl that can talk to me like that? That because your mommy embarrassed me in front of my friends, I now stay away from you? News flash honey, you are still not worth the ground I walk on."

She grabs my chin, her nails digging in my skin. "Listen slut, I got into trouble because of you. Your daddy talked to the management, and guess what? He talked about how his sweet, innocent little daughter was bullied. He even summed up some names. And now Lisa, Susannah, and I have to fucking volunteer at a nursing home for elder people as punishment. Do you know what that means?" She hisses.

Her grip on my chin is getting more painful by the second, but I'm not showing her that she is costing me pain. I have done that too many times. Enough is enough.

"I hope it means that you finally learn to do something for somebody else without getting better of it yourself," I tell her before grabbing her wrist and yanking her hand away from my face, making sure the grip hurts her.

"Got some claws while you were here I see." She chuckles. "Let's see what you've got."

Before I know what's happening, her other hand comes into view and grabs my hair hard, pulling it so my head is pulled forward. For a moment I have no idea what to do. I just hold still, like I always did, to survive. I can hear Leila laughing and saying that she thought so and I feel like a complete loser.

But then I feel something burning inside of me, something so strong, I can't hold it back. Every single drop of frustration, hurt and anger comes up and wants to get out.

I think about Linda and the punching bag. How I kicked it so many times with so much force that Linda fell backward. And then I do exactly that. I kick forward, hitting Leila in her stomach hard and making her loosen my hair and fall back with a squeal.

She is sitting on the ground, one arm in front of her belly and her eyes looking up at me in surprise.

"What the hell?" She mutters, obviously in shock.

I look at her, feeling strangely proud when I see her sitting there. And I try to walk away and not make it worse, but I can't. This feels too good. My body is shaking with adrenalin and very slowly everything turns haze. This is my revenge. Now it is her turn.

I walk to her determinedly, completely out of character and when I'm standing in front of her, I let my fist go for her face. Unfortunately, Leila is just in time to turn her face away so my fist hits the side of her head. Right after that, she jumps up and attacks me, lunging for me.

Before I know it, I'm in a complete bitch fight. I'm pulling Leila's hair while I'm trying to kick her and Leila is mostly defending herself by just moving her arms all over the place. Behind me, I vaguely hear José call my name, telling me to stop it, but I keep going.

The aggression I feel is too strong. I can't stop. This time I will win. She will be in pain now.

I move my knee again, this time hitting Leila hard against her hip, causing her to scream in pain and bow forward. On instinct, I do it again, only my knee now hits her face, making her fall on the street again. Her hands are holding her nose which is bleeding pretty bad.

My mind tells me to stop it now, that this is enough, but again the aggression is too big. She reminds me of myself right now, laying on the floor helplessly. I can even hear her ask me to stop, just like I begged her so many times. But she didn't stop, so why give her that pleasure?

I do exactly what Leila did to me, I kick her in her belly, hard. And Leila screams again, grabbing her belly in hopes it stops the pain. Not enough.

I keep kicking her, against her legs and stomach. Two, three times, making her feel every little miserable thing I've felt for two, long years. I only stop when I feel two arms around me and pulling me away from her.

"Stop Angie." I hear José in the distance, getting me out of my trance. "Go. Mrs. Preston is coming. Go."

I have no idea why he is encouraging me to go, but I feel him pushing me away so I go. I run like I'm haunted by Leila once again, no idea for what I'm running away this time. The only thing I feel is my heart. It is beating so fast, it hurts. Tears are streaming down my cheeks, and I have absolutely no idea why. I cannot think, I just run.

After 10 minutes, I slow down because the burning in my throat is getting unbearable. I take a seat on a bench and just stare at nothing in particular. What just happened? What did I do?

My hands are shaking and my right hand is burning. When I look at it, I see that my knuckles are red. I have no idea how I manage to get them red, but I have a feeling Leila is in more pain than me. What did I do? How can I let myself go like that?

After seconds or minutes, I decide that I need to go home. Only how? My eyes are burning and I probably look like a mess. How did I get into this position? I can't do anything right, not even controlling myself as Linda taught me to do.

I walk past a small supermarket and decide to go in and ask if I can call my mom and dad to pick me up. Fortunately, the man behind the counter doesn't ask questions and just lets me use the phone. After two tones, dad picks up.

"Steele."

The moment I hear his voice, I start crying again. "Daddy? Can you pick me up?"

"Ana?" Dad asks worriedly. "What happened? Is everything okay?"

"Just come and get me, please. I need to go home."

* * *

The ride back home is horrible. Dad keeps asking questions that I don't want to answer which results in dad madly asking through while I just cry and stay quiet. I can't tell him what I did, he'll hate me.

When we drive onto the porch, I see mom already standing in the door opening, waiting for us to return. I don't want to talk to them, not before I had some time to myself. I need to be alone first.

So I open the door of the car and jump out before running to the house. I rush past mom, ignoring her questions and dad's yelling and run up the stairs. I hear mom and dad following me, their footsteps just behind me on the stairs. I vaguely hear them calling for me, but I only hear the voices inside my head.

_Run big loser, run._

I reach the bathroom door, slip in and lock it just in time. Mom and dad are on the other side, knocking on the door while asking me what is wrong, but I ignore them again. I'm alone. Finally alone.

_You're always alone. Forever._

I get myself out of my jacket and walk towards the cabinet where behind all the bottles, I've hidden my razor. The razor that makes me numb, that helps me stop all the feelings. I have to do it one more time, so I don't feel like this anymore. For a moment I just want to stop feeling. After that, I'll think about what I've done and I'll talk about it with mom and dad, but right now I just need it to stop for a few moments.

_Do it good and you'll never have to feel again._

"Anastasia, open the Goddamn door." I hear dad growl while he is punching on the door, desperately trying to open it.

I don't respond. I just look at myself in the mirror. I need to be quick because he will get in here soon enough. It means that I don't have time to do this the way I normally do it. I need to improvise, fast.

_Do it, Ana. Do it now, you need it._

I hear dad behind the door, forcing himself inside. I know I should stop right now, but I feel too weak. I feel weak, stupid, bad and I feel like the bully myself. It feels horrible and I want it to stop.

I move my sleeve up, tears in my eyes and covering my whole face, making my vision blurred. My right hand with the razor in it is shaking but it is not stopping me. I need it too much.

The moment I hear the door of the bathroom open, I do it. I cut my left wrist open, and I instantly close my eyes and feel relieved.

"Ana, no! Fuck!" I hear dad curse and seconds later I feel his arms around me.

"Oh God, no. Please no." I hear mom sob.

When I open my eyes, I see why they sound so panicked and I am horrified. My wrist is bleeding so much, all I see is blood. It is literally pouring out of me.

"Carla, call 911. Now!" I hear dad yell again.

I feel myself getting dizzy and my legs can't seem to hold me up anymore. This is bad. Very bad. And not what I wanted at all.

_But you did it, and we are so proud. Finally you did something good._

"Daddy," I manage to get out. "I just wanted the pain to stop."

I hear dad speaking to me again while he is trying to hold me up, but he seems far away. One by one, everything shuts down, until I'm sitting on the floor hanging against dad.

"They're coming. Hold on, Ana." Mom says while sitting next to me. I feel her hand in my hair, it feels nice, comforting. I'm home.

I look at my wrist one more time. Dad is holding something against it to stop the bleeding, but I have no idea if it works. I feel myself slipping away, and even though this wasn't my intention, I welcome the darkness.

"Stay with me, sweetheart." Dad cries, trying to stop me from slipping away. It is the last thing I hear before I close my eyes and let everything go black.

_Let go, nobody needs you._

I've hurt her too, but in the end, Leila won.

**A/N: I promise you that this was the hardest part. Ana will NOT die and we will go up from here. ****If you are having thoughts about harming yourself in any way, please be strong and search for someone who can help you. Talk to them! You are not a loser, and you shouldn't be ashamed. Trust me, it will be so much better if you talk. I can know. Big hugs xx **


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: I'm overwhelmed by all the reviews, they mean so much to me! Thank you! I'm so happy that all of you are open for the subject, we need more people like you in the world! Onto the next one, which is a special one. You'll understand once you've read it. Not keeping you any longer, please review and enjoy! xx**

Chapter 27: My girl.

"Stay with me, sweetheart." I cry while trying to stop the bleeding by holding one of the towels against the wound on her wrist. Her body is laying against me and her eyes are closed, she feels heavy and lifeless.

"Ana!" Carla cries, holding my daughter's face up in hopes she will respond. She doesn't. She is quiet.

"Carla, go downstairs and open the front door so the paramedics can come in. Now." I tell my wife who instantly nods her head and runs out of the bathroom again.

I hold Ana close to me, still holding the pressure onto her wrist. "Silly, silly girl. Stay with us, Ana. We need you. You are not doing this to us. Not like this. Not now." I mumble against her hair, trying to stay strong and focus.

In the distance I hear the siren, indicating that the ambulance is close. Thank fuck.

"Stay strong, sweetie, they're coming," I mumble. I can hear her breathing which gives me hope. She will survive this, she has to survive this.

A minute later, paramedics storm into the bathroom, pulling my daughter out of my arms forcefully. I try to protest, but I'm held back by one of them.

"Let us do our job, Sir." The blonde woman says while pushing me backward. "Does your daughter have any allergies or diseases we should know about? Anything that can prevent us from doing our job?"

I shake my head. "No, she is healthy," I tell her, my eyes never leaving my little girl. She is laying on the floor, three people around her, who are trying to get her to waken. On her uninjured arm is an IV and over her mouth and nose a cap that helps her breathing. One of the paramedics has bound her wrist with the wound tightly, successfully stopping the worst bleeding. In seconds, she is on a bed and moved out of the bathroom, leaving me and Carla standing there with the blonde woman.

"Your daughter needs to get to the hospital as quickly as possible. She has lost a lot of blood and she probably needs a blood transfusion as soon as they get there. We also need to stop the bleeding. Do you know her blood type?" She asks while walking out of the bathroom as well, mentioning us to follow her.

"O-negative," My wife instantly says. "I know because I have the same and I was tested whilst I was pregnant with her."

"Good, please come with me. I'm driving you to the hospital." She says before walking outside. Right at that moment, I see the ambulance with my baby girl in it driving away, sirens loudly blasting through the street, causing the neighbors to get out of their houses.

I ignore them and get into the police car, only now realizing that the woman is an officer. Carla gets in behind me, grabbing my hand the moment she sits next to me. I can feel her shaking and I wish I could get her to relax, but I can't. I have no idea how. Our little girl is in serious danger.

"Why?" Carla sobs, her head against my shoulder, her whole body shaking while she cries.

I can't stop the tears from falling either now that I realize what has happened. My Ana, my sweet girl. What drove her to do this? What did I miss?

"Is there anything you can tell me about what happened? Any reason your daughter felt the need to do this?" The blonde woman asks from behind the wheel.

I wish I could give her an answer. I thought that Ana was moving up. She looked happy, was excited to go to school every morning and she talked to us about how she felt. She told us over and over again about what happened at her old school and went to Dr. Flynn and Linda regularly. What the hell did I miss? Why didn't I see her struggle?

"Sir? Ma'am?" She asks again.

I just shake my head. "I don't know. I just need to get to her. Please, get us to her."

I can't think about the why's right now. I need to know if she is okay. I need to get to my baby girl and help her get through this. After she is safe, we will talk.

Carla doesn't speak either, she just sits close to me, like she wants to crawl into me. I pull her against me and cry. We both cry.

"She'll be okay. She is our strong baby. She will be just fine." I mumble against the hair of my wife. As always it helps me to calm down. Her scent has healing powers.

Be strong, Annie. Please be strong.

"What is taking them so long?" Carla asks beside me, her foot tapping on the ground impatiently, making me nervous as hell.

"They are helping her. They are fixing her up. Give them time to do it right." I answer. It is something I have been telling myself for the last hour, it prevents me from going insane. They will fix her up.

Next to me, Carla nods her head. "Right, they will come out soon with news. I just know it."

I nod my head also, even though I have no idea how much longer it will take. Ana has brought in 66 minutes ago, but it feels like days. I have no idea what they are doing or how Ana is doing. We only know that she has lost a lot of blood and that she was unconsciousness when they drove her to the hospital.

These are dangerous moments because I keep asking myself what went wrong. What has driven my sweet Ana to do something so drastic? Has she done this before? Does she really want to die? It drives me insane and gets me depressed at the same time. My beautiful baby, laying on the bathroom floor in my arms, eyes closed and blood everywhere, I can't get the image out of my head.

"Was she really that unhappy?" I hear my wife mumble next to me, obviously thinking the same as me.

I wish I could answer her question. I wish I saw what was happening. I can't believe I didn't saw my sweet Ana struggle. I've let her down and the thought makes me sick. She has gone through this all alone.

Before I have the change to come up with something to tell my wife, the blonde woman who brought us to the hospital walks to us and I immediately know she wants to speak about something other than what happened in our house.

"Mr. And Mrs. Steele, my name is Natasha Zork. I would like to talk to you for a moment, if that is okay?"

I just nod my head. I'm fine with anything, as long as I can stay here so the doctors will be able to find me when they have news about Ana.

"It seems that prior to Ana's actions, an incident took place at her school. Do you know anything about that?" Natasha asks, looking at Carla and me expectantly.

I knew something had happened at school since Ana called me in tears and asked me to come and get her. But when she got in the car, she completely shut down on me. She just cried and didn't tell me what happened. When we arrived at home, she ran away so fast, I couldn't catch her to make her talk to me.

I grab Carla's hand reassuringly, since I feel her shaking. "Ana called me and asked me to pick her up near a small supermarket. She was very upset and cried the whole way to our home. I´ve tried to get her to talk to me, but when she came home she stormed upstairs. You already know what happened after that."

Natasha nods her head. "Right. Well, the reason probably has something to do with a fight that took place just outside of the schoolyard. According to teachers, Ana was involved as was another girl, Leila Williams. Does that mean anything to you? Do you know her?"

The moment Natasha says Leila's name, Carla gasps while I curse. Fucking shit, no wonder Ana was so upset.

"By both of your reactions, I believe that you do know her," Natasha says while taking a seat next to me. "Please tell me what you know."

I look at my wife, who is already looking at me questioningly. I can tell by the look on her face that she wants me to do the talking. She is too upset to tell about what happened to Ana, and I also think it hurts her too much.

"Before Ana went to this school, she was attending another school. My wife and I always thought that there was nothing wrong there, that Ana loved going there. That she had friends. She looks very happy, like a normal teenager." I start, feeling the emotion building as well. This is damn hard.

"But this summer, while we were on vacation in Italy, Ana told us that that wasn't the case. She told us that she was a victim of bullying and violence for two years. There were three girls who did that to her; Lisa, Susannah, and Leila. The things that Ana had to go through, it was horrible and as a father, I do not like to repeat the things they said and did to Ana since it makes me want to hurt those three girls just as bad." I continue, not caring about the fact that I just told a police officer that I want to hurt three teenage girls.

Natasha keeps looking at me with interest, so I keep talking.

"After I'd sent an e-mail to her old school, demanding a transfer, they allowed her to change schools. I also had a very good talk with the managing board when I got back from vacation, where I told them about what happened and who did it. I mentioned names. In the meantime, Ana went to her new school, and she really looked like she had fun. She told us about how she had made some friends and how she was getting her confidence back little by little. Ana is however traumatized. She is going to a physiologist twice a week and also has lessons in self-defense."

Natasha nods her head once again like everything is starting to make sense. After what feels like ages, she starts to explain what really happened between Ana and Leila at school.

"According to witnesses, Leila was waiting for Ana just outside of the school property. When Ana noticed her, she walked up to her and first they started talking. Soon it got out of hand and they were fighting on the ground. After a few moments, Leila fell on the ground and that's when Ana kicked and punched her. She kept going until her friend pulled her back. After that, Ana started running and Leila kept laying on the ground. One of the teachers came outside and helped Leila up, she wasn't unconscious but it was good that Ana stopped when she did. Leila was brought to the hospital as well, and she has broken her nose, has various bruises, a split lip and has bruised some ribs." Natasha says.

I'm listening to her with my mouth wide open, unable to believe that our Ana did something like that. But on the other hand, I feel proud as fuck, because she finally stood up for herself and told her bully no. That's my girl, Leila got what she deserved.

"Leila Williams wants to press charges," Natasha says, pulling me out of my thoughts right away.

"She wants what?!" Carla yells before jumping from her seat. "That bitch. She has some nerve."

I'm standing from my seat as well, grabbing my wife by the arms to prevent her from searching the whole hospital to look for Leila. I try to stay relaxed myself as well, even though I'm burning with rage inside. How dare she? After everything she's put Ana through.

"If Miss Williams is going to press charges, Ana will do the same. Ana has been abused for two years, which cost her to react this way. You can tell Miss Williams that if she is completely sure of this, we will meet her in court. I wonder who they are going to believe, since there are a lot of witnesses from what happened at school and what happened today. And let her keep in mind that my daughter is laying in a hospital bed as we speak, fighting for her life because she was so desperate she thought she had to stop everything. That Leila is responsible for Ana's mental and physical condition Goddamnit." I growl. I have never felt this kind of rage before.

Not my daughter, not anymore. I'll protect her from now on, properly.

Before Natasha can respond to my outburst, one of the doctors comes walking to us, and Carla and I instantly hold each other, hoping that he has good news.

"Mr. And Mrs. Steele, let me first tell you that your daughter is going to be fine. It will take a while but her condition is stable." The grey-haired man says, looking very relieved as well. "We were able to close the wound on her wrist, as well as the artery and she has gotten two bags of blood so far. She is sleeping now because we gave her some medications. She needs her rest for now. In an hour or two we are going to try to wake her up. She might need some more blood later, but we first want to see how she will wake up."

Thank God.

"See baby, she is our strong girl. She's not leaving us." I mumble in Carla's hair while she sobs against my chest, crying tears of relief.

"Her mental state, however, is something we need to talk about further. She needs intensive help. After you had a moment with Ana alone, we will talk about that a little more. As for now, you two can go to her, she needs her parents." The doctor says. He is looking very serious which makes me feel good. He wants what is best for my little girl.

"Understood. Thank you for your work. We are so thankful." I tell him while offering him my hand.

"No thanks needed. We'll talk to each other later." He says before walking away.

"Can we continue our conversation later? Our daughter needs us." I say, looking at Natasha in question.

She nods her head. "We'll talk later."

"Let's go to our girl," I mumble against Carla's hair while pulling her with me to the door of Ana's room.

We are coming, sweetie.

* * *

Seconds, minutes, hours. I have no idea how much time has passed since we came through the door. The moment I saw her laying in that bed, I burst into tears. Carla cried as well, almost not able to hold herself up.

Our beautiful, strong girl, pale and asleep in a white bed. On one hand an IV, her other arm in a bandage so her wound is covered. Just under her eye, there is a bruise, probably caused by the fight she had with Leila. She looks tired even though she is sleeping, and I can't help but see a very fragile, small girl. She looks so tiny in this big bed, and my heart breaks. My little Ana, so scared and so mixed up with herself and her thoughts. And I couldn't prevent this, I didn't help her.

We both sit on one side of her bed, holding her hand and talking to her softly. I wish they would wake her up already, but I know she needs time to sleep. She must be exhausted after losing so much blood. She needs time.

"I'm so proud of you for finally standing up against Leila, honey. You were so right to give her a taste of her own medicine." My wife mumbles against my daughter's hand. The sights cause tears to fall again. My two girls, the most important women in my life.

"We are, sweetie. And we will protect you. We will help you. I'm so sorry I didn't see what was going on. It will not happen again, Ana. Never. I'll be there from now on. I'm so sorry." I sob while holding onto her hand tightly like I'm afraid that she will pull away.

"It's not your fault, Ray," Carla mumbles, her hand moving over Ana to grab mine.

I shake my head. "It is, Carla. I should've asked her more questions, I should've seen it."

"I didn't see it either. I talked to her a lot and she always told me how school was so much better and that she had friends. She talked about Flynn and Linda and how they helped her. She even seemed to miss Christian less. I just keep wondering what we missed." She signs, looking at our daughter again.

We both have so many questions we want to ask her, but I know those questions will have to wait. She needs to heal, properly. And I already figured out that she can't heal here. She needs a complete new start, with intensive help from us and professionals.

"We will help her." Carla mumbles. I know she is thinking exactly the same as me. That's our relationship right there. Carla was always able to know what I was thinking, just by looking at me. And nine out of ten times we think the same. She truly is amazing.

I'm just about to talk to Ana a little more when the doctor from earlier comes walking into the room.

"Still fast asleep I see, good. That gives us time to talk." He smiles friendly. "My name is Dr. Velsen. I was the first one that saw Ana after it happened and I made sure the wound was closed properly which will heal perfectly."

Both me and Carla nod, feeling relieved. At least she will not have physical damage.

"Now, as I've said before, Ana needs help. While I examined Ana to see if she was injured anywhere else, I've noticed cuts on her upper legs and hips. Some were healing, others were still open which indicates that they were put there not so long ago. Did you knew about this?"

Of fucking course, we didn't. Like I would ever let her do that to herself. My daughter was hurting herself, and I had no idea. What drove her to do these extreme things?

"Oh god," Carla says, bursting into tears yet again, obviously feeling powerless as well.

"We had no idea," I tell Dr. Velsen while I stand and walk over to Carla and pull her in my arms.

Dr. Velsen nods his head. "The cuts will heal, but she will be scarred. Mentally, Ana needs intensive help. I read her document and I saw that she was seeing a psychologist two times a week. Knowing what we know now, I think it is safe to say that that isn't enough."

He looks at us to see if we agree with him. I instantly nod my head, Carla just looks at Ana, not really knowing what to say. I think I have to do the talking about this subject.

"We completely agree. She also needs to be monitored so she can't do something like this again." I tell him.

"I completely agree, which is why I have a proposition. Just six months ago, a new concept started. In several states, we have opened care hotels. It is a hotel with extra care especially for people who harm themselves or have depressions. There are psychologists on duty 24/7, as are nurses and social workers. I have called around and I managed to get Ana a room. The only thing is, that it is not here in Georgia." Dr. Velsen says, looking very pleased with himself.

I know we have to take this chance because it is the best way for Ana to heal and get better. She needs to focus on herself, without anyone around that can put her down or distract her. She needs a fresh start.

"And where is this care hotel?" I ask him. I hope it is somewhere where there is a military base so that I can ask for a transfer. Carla is working from home, so she can do that in another state as well.

"Washington. Kirkland to be exact. It is located in a very quiet place surrounded by nature with view on Lake Washington. It is still a new concept, so Anastasia will be one of the first clients."

I nod my head and look at Carla, who is looking at me, her eyes a little wide like she needs to process everything Dr. Velsen just told us.

"My wife and I will talk about it and we will also talk to our daughter before we make a decision." I tell him.

Dr. Velsen nods his head and walks to the door. Just before he walks out, Carla speaks.

"If we decide to go to Washington, when will Ana be welcome in this care hotel?"

The doctor smiles an arrogant smile yet again, and it is starting to annoy me. I feel like he is trying to prove something here, over the back of my daughter. I don't like that.

"Right away, Mrs. Steele. Once Ana is strong enough, she can fly to Washington. All the help she'll need will be right there."

My wife nods her head while looking critical before asking yet another question. God, how I love her.

"And what about my husband and I? Can we stay with her?"

"Unfortunately, no. You cannot stay at the hotel with her because she needs to be alone at times as well. You are able to visit her during the day, how many times you want. If her progress is not suffering from that, of course." He answers in a very positive way like he knows that this point can make us decide against it.

Carla and I both nod our head again. "Thank you, Dr. Velsen," I say, having enough information for now.

"Your welcome." He smiles before leaving the room.

We both stay silent for a couple of minutes, letting everything that the doctor said sink in. Deep down I already know what our decision will be. If Ana agrees with it, I will be calling my boss tonight to ask him for permission to transfer.

"I have a feeling that this is the best proposition we're going to get. I don't want her to end up with people who have serious physiological problems, Ray. That's not what will make her better. This sounds very nice, in theory." Carla says after a few minutes.

"In theory," I mutter, still not completely convinced of the doctor's intentions.

Carla chuckles, and for the first time since I've found Ana on the bathroom floor, I have a small smile on my face as well because I made my wife laugh.

"Listen, honey. We will be close to her and we will make sure they help her there. This might be the thing she needs. New surroundings, new possibilities. Not only for Ana, but also for us." She says while standing from her chair and walking over to me so she can take a seat on my lap.

I feel her hands moving through my hair, and for a moment I just close my eyes and enjoy the feeling. She knows exactly what to do when she wants something from me, just like Ana. Those two have me wrapped around their fingers.

"Alright. But only if Ana agrees." I tell her.

Carla smiles and moves my face so I can look at her. "Deal." She says before kissing my lips. Even after all those years and no matter the situation, her kisses still make me weak.

"I love you." She mumbles after she pulled back.

"I love you too. Both of you, more than life itself."


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: I saw a few guest reviewers that asked who Angie was. It is how José calls Ana. The next chapter will be in Christian's pov, and after that one, you are in for a big surprise! Two more chapters, in which you are probably going to ask why the hell I'm saying that everything will be alright and you are also not going to like me, but I am confident you'll like me after. Hihi. Enjoy and thank you all so much for the sweet messages. You rock! Xx**

Chapter 28: Drastic decisions.

"Anastasia? Ana? Can you hear me?" I hear an unfamiliar voice say in the distance.

Just go away and let me sleep.

I also feel someone tapping my hand. "Ana? Can you open your eyes?"

I feel so numb and sleepy, I just want them to be quiet and leave me alone. My whole body feels heavy and I have a huge headache, but that doesn't seem to interest the unknown voices at all.

"Ana, I need you to wake up now."

God, this woman is very persistent. I really don't like it, but since she keeps tapping my hand, I don't have a choice. I slowly open my eyes but immediately shut them again because of the bright light. Hello, not helping for the headache, people.

"Ana, sweetheart?

Mom. My mom.

"Can you open your eyes again?" I hear my mom ask hopefully.

Mom. My mom is here. Thank God. I'm not alone.

I open my eyes again, slowly this time so I can get used to the bright lights in the room. At first, my vision is blurred, but after a few seconds I can focus and the first thing I see is my mom. She looks tired. Her hair is pulled back, her face is pale and her eyes are red. She looks like she hasn't slept in weeks.

"Hi, baby girl. How are you feeling?" Mom smiles while moving her hand through my hair. It feels nice and familiar.

I take a moment to focus on what I feel. My head hurts and I feel weak and stiff, like a truck run over me. My throat is dry and swallowing hurts as well. My eyes burn and my wrist and hands feel weird. I don't feel good at all.

"Where are we?" I ask instead of answering her question, I don't want her to know how I feel because I just know that she will tell me it is all my own fault. She would be completely right about that as well. It's all my own stupid fault.

Mom keeps smiling, a sad smile, but she smiles. "We are at the hospital, honey. Do you remember what happened?" She asks, I hear worry in her voice and I hate that I'm the reason she is worried.

I wish I didn't remember what happened. I wish I'd just woken up and forgot everything that happened, all the way back to where I was in junior school. But unfortunately, that is not the case. I know everything.

"I remember," I mumble ashamed.

Mom nods her head. "Dad will be here in a second, he was just getting us something to eat." She smiles.

I nod my head. I'm so happy mom and dad are here. It makes me feel safe. And I know I need them here because something tells me that when I walk out of this room, everything is going to chance.

"Ana, my name is Nurse Betty and I want to do some small tests. Is that okay with you?" An older woman asks, her smile friendly and her hand reassuringly on my shoulder. She seems nice.

I nod my head. I just want to let it all happen and be alone with my parents after she is done. I know they want to talk to me, and I need to talk to them too.

"Okay. Can you follow this light with your eyes?" She asks while moving a small light from left to right in front of me. Except for the sharp pain I feel in my head caused by the light, I can follow it without trouble.

"Very good." Betty smiles. "Can you grab my hands now and squeeze as hard as you can?"

Again I do as she asks, I grab her hands and squeeze. It takes a lot of effort and strength since my arms feel numb, but Betty seems to find it enough because she only nods her head.

"Are you nauseous? Do you feel any weird tingles in your injured hand?"

"Not nauseous, just a headache. And my eyes burn and I feel very heavy. Oh, and can I have some water, please? My throat hurts." I tell her, trying to sound not as depressed as I feel so mom doesn't worry more than she already does.

"Coming right up. Do you want something to eat as well? I will ask the doctor if you can have some painkillers for your head. I'll be right back." Betty smiles before walking out the room, leaving mom and me alone.

We sit in silence. I look at my wrist and I can feel that mom is looking at me. I know she doesn't know what to say, so I take a breath and start because I know I'll have to talk eventually.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want that to happen at all. I just wanted to feel a different kind of pain." I mumble, still not looking at her.

Instantly I feel my mom's arms around me and I burst into tears. I can hear her crying as well, and I hate it that I made her feel like this. I'm so stupid.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry." She says in between sobs, confusing me. Why would she be sorry?

I pull back so I can look at her, the question is written all over my face. Mom only shakes her head.

"I'm so sorry for not seeing that you were struggling. I should have looked better, paid attention. I was too busy with myself. I'm so, so sorry sweetheart."

My eyes widen. Oh no, she is blaming herself. She thinks it is her fault that I did this. She has to know that she is the best mother a girl can wish for. She has to know that she is wrong. This is not her fault, it is mine.

Right before I can tell her exactly that, the door opens and dad walks in, two sandwiches in one hand and a bottle of Sprite in the other. The moment he sees I'm awake, however, he drops everything and sprints to my bed, pulling me into a bone-crushing hug.

"Oh, Annie. Thank God." He says before pulling back and moving his hands to my cheeks. "Thank God. How are you feeling? Are you okay? Do you need anything? Sandwich, Sprite? I've got an avocado and cream cheese sandwich right here, do you want it?"

He keeps on rambling while his hands move up and down my face like he is checking on hidden injuries that he missed. I just let it happen for a moment. I know he needs this. He needs to make sure I'm okay. I must have driven them crazy with my stupid actions.

"She is okay, Ray. The nurse will bring some water soon. She also has a headache." Mom says eventually.

Dad immediately pulls his hands away from my face. "Right, of course. Sorry, sweetie."

I look at my mom and dad. Both are looking at me with so much love, I'm actually surprised. They really don't seem mad at all. They only seem relieved. I don't understand it. They should be mad at me.

"Here we go." Nurse Betty says while walking into the room again, holding a glass of water and two blue pills in a plastic cup. "A glass of water and some painkillers for the headache. If you want, you can also eat something. Dr. Velsen will be with you in a moment."

I watch Betty walk out again. She seems very sweet and energatic, even though she looks a little old. I can tell she likes to work here, which I really don't understand. I would never be able to work in a hospital. All the sick people, it would make me feel sad.

"Drink this, honey. Then we'll talk." Dad says, giving me the water and the pills. Right, here we go. They want to talk.

I take the pills and drink the whole glass before looking at my parents again. I really don't know who is going to talk first. I don't want to go first, but I doubt mom and dad want to go first either. Just when I want to start talking, mom beats me to it. Thank God.

"Ana, what happened? Why did you do this?" She asks, tears in her eyes again. I can see that she feels powerless.

I take a deep breath. "When I got out of school, I saw Leila standing outside the fence, waiting for me. I went over to her to ask her what she wanted. And for a moment we talked. But then she started acting like she always did. She humiliated me, grabbed my chin like I was a little kid and told me that I wasn't worth the ground she walked on. I just couldn't take it anymore and I snapped. I tried to think about what Linda taught me about control, but a little voice in my head encouraged me to hurt her. It encouraged me to kick her harder. I couldn't stop. I only stopped when José pulled me away from her and told me that I needed to go because the teacher was coming. I ran away and after minutes I stopped because I realized what I did. I felt horrible and I just wanted to go home."

I look at my parents, searching for any sign that they want me to stop talking. I truly hope they do but after a few moments I can tell they want to know everything, so I continue.

"I came across a little supermarket and that's when I called you dad. When we drove back, I really wanted to tell you what happened, but I was so scared that you would hate me for what I did. I hate myself for what I did because now I suddenly am the bully and that is the last thing I want. I know how horrible it is to be bullied every day, and I never would want to do that to anyone, but I did." I say while trying really hard to stop the tears. I want to tell them, even though it is very hard.

"And then we came home and..." I try to continue, but the emotions overtake me and I start crying uncontrollably.

Mom pulls me in her arms seconds after I stop talking. She is rubbing my back reassuringly while she softly speaks. "It's okay, honey. Take your time. We are here and we have time."

When I've calmed down a bit, I sit up straight again and take a deep breath. I want to get this out. Mom and dad have the right to know after what I've been putting them through today.

"I have these voices inside my head that tell me what to do. They are very strong and I always try to fight them away or to overpower them, but sometimes they are too loud. They tell me what a waste I am and how ugly I am. How nobody loves me and how everybody would be better off without me. They also tell me that I need to hurt myself, and I listen to them, because after I've done what they tell me to do, they stop for a moment."

My parents are both looking at me. Mom her eyes are red and she is crying as well. Dad his face looks pale and I think that he doesn't know what to say. Both are looking at me worried and scared, I think because of the things I still have to tell them. It makes me feel horrible as well. I'm costing them so much pain. They don't deserve this.

"How long have you been hearing these voices?" Dad asks after what feels like hours of silence.

I think about it for a moment. It feels like I have been hearing them for ever, even though I know that it is not true. "For a few months I guess. I can't really remember." I tell them honestly.

Silence fills the room again. They are waiting for me to talk and I am waiting for them to ask me more questions. For the first time since I can remember, I feel a bit uncomfortable around my parents and I do not like that thought.

"Ana, Dr. Velsen has examined you after they brought you here, and he saw the marks on your upper legs and hips. He told us that they were the result of self-harm. Why didn't you tell us, sweetie? What drove you to do this?" Dad asks, desperately trying to understand it.

"Because I was scared that you would hate me. Because I didn't want you two to worry any more than you already did. I don't know, I was ashamed. I know how stupid and wrong and dangerous it is to do these things, but they were the only way to give me control over my feelings. I'm addicted to the feeling. I can't help it." I sob.

"What kind of feelings are you not able to control, honey? What are you feeling that is so horrible that it makes you think it is better to take your own life?" Mom asks, her voice soft and her breathing shallow.

"Aftershocks of the bullying. Nightmares about what Leila, Lisa, and Susannah did to me. The voices in my head that tell me exactly what Leila has been telling me all those years. Christian."

Christian. God, I wish he was here. But on the other hand, I'm so glad that he isn't because else he would see what a loser I really am. I can't even stop hurting myself and today that almost was fatal.

"What about Christian? I thought you were moving on?" Mom asks, confused.

"I'm not, mom. I miss him so much. The way I felt when I was around him, I've never felt like that in my life and I crave that feeling. He made me feel confident and loved and he found me smart and funny. In a way that you two don't. Those two weeks where truly amazing and I don't want to forget them. I know I have to move on but then it feels like I'm also forgetting him and I don't want that. The pain of missing him reminds me that it really happened. It is so confusing." I cry again. God, I can't stop crying.

Dad moves from the chair to the edge of my bed, his hand moving up and down my back to soothe me. He is about to speak to me when the door of my room opens and an older man walks in. He has a small smile on his face and it looks like he already knows my parents.

"Ana, good to see you are awake. I'm Dr. Velsen. How are you feeling?" He asks me while grabbing my wrist to feel my heartbeat.

"Tired and confused," I tell him. It really sums up perfectly how I feel.

He nods his head understandably. "That's not weird after what you've been through."

After he has done some more tests while he asked questions about what I feel, he turns to my parents. "Have you been talking to Ana about the thing we've been talking about?"

I frown and look at my parents. What do they want to talk to me about? Is it something bad? Why is this doctor acting so mysterious all of the sudden?

"Not yet," Dad growls, obviously not happy with the question of Dr. Velsen. What is going on?

"My apologies. I'll return later. Ana, please make sure you stay in bed and drink enough water. Your body needs to recover and you need rest." He says before walking out of the room fast like he is a bit afraid of my dad.

As soon as the door closes, I look at mom and dad. "What was that about? What do you need to tell me?"

Mom and dad look at each other before mom gives dad a small nod. Then he speaks.

"Annie, after what happened today, we think that going to Dr. Flynn and Linda isn't enough. You have been hurting yourself while you were seeing them and we don't want that. We don't want to lose you, Ana. Dr. Velsen has made it possible for you to go to a care hotel. It is a place where they specialize in people with suicidal thoughts and depressions. You will get intensive help there, and your mom and I think that it is a very good place for you." Dad tells me while never taking his eyes off me.

I knew this was going to happen. I know that I need more help and I also know that after what I did, people need to keep an eye on me. And surprisingly, I am okay with it. I want to get better, and I know I can't do it alone. I want to live, even though the voices in my head tell me I don't.

"Okay. Where is it? Is it close to home? Will you be there as well? Can José come and visit me?" I ask, dying to know more about where this place is. I'm happy I don't have to go to a psychiatrical institution.

"It is not in Georgia, honey. It is in Washington. Kirkland, right next to Washington Lake. Your mom and I will go with you, but we can't stay at the care hotel. If you decide that you want to go there, we will find a place there. It will be a new start." Dad answers.

I look at them with wide eyes. Do they want to do this for me? They want to leave everything behind and move to Washington so I can go to this care hotel?

"Are you sure you want to move? I mean, you'll leave everything behind. Is that worth it?" I ask.

Mom chuckles and dad just nods his head with a small smile on his face.

"Honey, everything is worth it if it makes you better, healthy and happy. You are our life and we can't lose you." Mom says, again her arms wrap around me to give more power to her words.

"Then I will go." I instantly say. I trust my parents to know what's best for me. And I know that this is my chance to get better as well.

"There is one thing that I need to ask from you, Ana," Dad says. He is looking at me intently and I also can see he seems a little bit nervous, or at least anxious about what he wants to ask.

I nod my head and look at him in question.

"If we are going to Washington, it means that we are going to have a whole new start. We will leave everything that happened here in Savannah. It also means that we need you to get over Christian. You can keep the memories, and get strength out of them, but you need to stop missing him. Do you understand why I'm saying this, Ana?" Dad asks. He is looking at me with an expression I've never seen before. It looks like he is hurt. He definitely hates asking this from me.

But I know he is right. I can't let missing Christian consume me like this anymore. I need to be happy that it happened, but I also need to accept that it was a summer romance. Mostly, I need to think about myself and my own well being right now. I need to put myself first.

"You are right," I mumble even though it hurts. I need to forget him. He has moved on. I need to move on as well.

"We will help you, sweetheart. We will get you better." Mom says. She is looking sad as well. I know mom and dad hate it to ask this of me, but I also know that they don't have a choice. They are going to turn their whole lives around for me, it is only fair to know if I am 100 percent willing to get better.

"I know." I smile. I really know. They will help me and I will get better. "Can I tell José? He can maybe visit me from time to time? I will tell him that he can't tell anyone else so that Leila doesn't get to know it, but I really would like to have a friend. And in José, I've finally found one. He helped me and he is nice. I really would like to keep in contact with him."

Mom smiles and looks at dad in question like she is letting him decide. Dad looks puzzled for a moment but then nods his head.

"Alright, you can tell José. I sound like a good friend who had a positive effect on you." He smiles.

"He is. Thank you." I smile back. I feel very relieved right now. I can tell José everything and if he wants, we can stay in contact. I have someone other than my parents and it feels so good.

Again the door opens, and this time a police officer walks in. She has blonde hair and looks quite young. She has a sweet smile on her face and walks directly to me with an outstretched hand.

"Ana, my name is Natasha Zork. I have been talking to your parents today and I also would like to talk to you." She smiles, shaking my hand as she does.

She is a bit overwhelming. Very energetic and all over the place. It isn't really good for my headache, but I have a feeling she wants to talk to me about what I did to Leila, so I just get it over with and I nod my head.

"I have been talking to Leila about what happened at school, and I would like to hear your side of the story as well." She smiles while she takes a seat next to my bed.

I take a deep breath and resist the urge to roll my eyes. I really hope that this is the last time I have to tell what I did because it makes me feel horrible, but I doubt it is. So, I tell her everything. From the moment I saw Leila until the moment everything went black. I tell her about how I kicked Leila while she was screaming on the ground. I tell her about how I didn't stop. I tell her about how José pulled me back and about how the voices told me to hurt myself. I tell her everything, without taking a break.

When I'm done, she is looking at me, a sweet smile on her face while she nods understandingly. Not the reaction I expected from a police officer, to be honest, but it is welcomed.

"Thank you for telling me, Ana." She smiles. "I have spoken to your parents earlier, about how Leila wanted to press charges against you, and your dad told me that you would do the same if she would take that step. I have talked to Leila and her parents again, and they decided that they won't take further actions. Well, Leila's parents mostly decided that and Leila eventually agreed. I think her parents know that they will not win once this comes to court." She chuckles.

My parents let out a sigh of relief. I am a bit confused by everything she just told me, but I let it go for now. I will ask my parents later.

"Ana, if you want to press charges against Leila, Lisa, and Susannah, you can. I want you to think about that." Natasha nods. "As for now, I'm closing the investigation. If you feel the need to talk to me, you always can. This my card." She says while giving her card to my dad.

"I wish you all the best, Ana. Be strong. You will win. Trust me, I can know." She winks before giving all three of us a hand and then walking out the door again.

I feel like I'm in a rollercoaster. Things are happening so fast, my mind is in overdrive and right now the sleep also starts to kick in again.

"Do you want to press charges against them, Ana?" Dad asks, his voice is sounding hopeful. I think he wants me to press charges.

"I'm not really sure," I mumble. I feel too tired to think about such a heavy subject right now. I need to think about it while I'm fresh and have all my thoughts gathered.

My mom can see it because she helps me to lie down and pulls the sheet over me. "Sleep, sweetheart. We'll talk more when you are rested. I'll stay here while dad makes some calls to get everything ready for Washington. You are safe, we love you and we are so proud of you. Sleep now." She says, her hand moving through my hair, making my eyes close instantly.

Washington, forgetting Christian, leaving everything behind. It all sounds horrible and scary. But there is one thing that makes it all worth it. One thing that is the reason I agreed to everything.

The voices will disappear and I will get better.


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: You can be frustrated and you can tell me how mad you are in reviews, but please stay with me for the next one. It will make you so, so happy. Xx**

Chapter 29: Reminding me to forget.

"God damn it, how much longer do we have to wait?" I growl to nobody in particular.

Elliot and I have been waiting for two hours now, and we are still not allowed to board the plane that will take us to Georgia. If I look outside the window, I can see the plane already standing there, but apparently, there is something wrong with the engine which is the reason why we can't board. After all the waiting, a fucking plane will make the waiting a little longer. Unbelievable.

"I don't know man, but I am ready to sleep. Jesus Christ." Elliot curses behind me, obviously done with waiting as well.

Our flight was supposed to leave at 10 pm, but it is now past 12 and I have to admit I'm getting tired as well, even though the adrenalin is pumping through my veins. Waiting fucking sucks.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, passengers for flight GA 182 to Savannah/Hilton Head International Airport will be able to board in 10 minutes." It sounds through the airport.

"Thank fuck." Elliot breathes before standing from his seat to do some stretch exercises.

I nod my head in agreement before also standing. I want to make sure I am first in line to get into the plane. I know I have to wait for departure until everybody else is on the plane as well, but it makes me feel closer to Ana if I'm in it. I need to be closer.

"I hope I will be able to catch some sleep on the plane, else tomorrow will be a long ass day." Elliot says while we are walking to the doors that lead to the plane.

"Fuck, me too. Else I will look like a zombie and that is not good." I chuckle.

Elliot laughs as well. "Yeah, then she will probably whoop your ass back on the plane and ask herself where that pretty boy from Italy went."

I shake my head while I laugh. Elliot has always teased me with the way I look even though I can't help it and he is just as much a good looking guy as I am. I guess we have good genes.

"Have you thought about what you are going to say to her?" Elliot asks after a short comfortable silence.

He has been very supportive of this whole thing. He even made sure we can crash at Rick and he also made sure we have a transfer to his dorm. He convinced Rick to let us borrow his truck so we can go to Ana's house. He isn't such a bad guy after all, that douchebag brother of mine.

"The truth. That the time apart made me realize that I really like her and that I want to try with her, if she is willing. I don't know, I think I will just let all my feelings out and see how she will react." I tell him. I am nervous about seeing her again and telling her why I came to see her. I can only hope that she will feel the same as me. If she does, then we can figure out the rest.

"Romantic son of a bitch." Elliot snorts, making me laugh as well.

He is the one to talk. Right before we went to the airport, Mr. Grey over here needed to make a quick stop at Kate Kavanagh her dorm, because he needed to give her chocolates and a kiss goodbye. He is like a lovesick puppy.

"It'll be a great story to tell when I marry her," I smirk, completely shocking the fuck out of Elliot which was precisely my goal.

"Woah man, marriage? What the hell?"

Now I am laughing at him. Fuck he is so easy. "God, kidding. Relax. I'm sure you will be first with that Miss Kavanagh of yours." I reassure him.

"Right, let's fucking hope she still likes me after I come back. She hated the fact that I'd go to Savannah with you to visit Rick. I still don't understand why I couldn't tell her about Ana. Now she is thinking I'm going on a fuckathon in Georgia." He says while rolls his eyes.

I have asked him to keep it quiet. He and I are the only two who know. We've told my parents that we are going to visit Rick as well. I don't want them to know, because I just know how they will react.

Mom and Mia will go insane. I wouldn't be surprised if they demanded to come along. They would think this is some insane life-time romance for their entertainment. And dad, he would probably just tell me to focus on school, which he already does on a regular basis. Thank, but no thanks.

I also want to keep it quiet because I want to be sure that Ana feels the same and that this trip will be a success. If she has moved on or she doesn't feel the same, then I don't want to have to tell the story over and over again. I don't want people to pity me and I definitely don't need other girls around campus to know that I flew 7 hours to see a girl I've met in Italy. They would totally love that and think I am one of those romantic fuckers that are looking for a relationship. I don't need that. I just want that with Ana and if she doesn't want that with me, I'll move on and be my old self again.

"Trust me, man. She will. Just buy her something nice and go to her the moment we get back. Kiss her, fuck her and make her come and then give her the present. She'll forgive you before she moaned your name." I tell him. I know what girls want. They want to hear how much you've missed them before you fuck them senseless.

"Such a filthy language for such a handsome boy." A small grey-haired woman with glasses says from behind me, making Elliot snort.

"Excuse me, but it is very impolite to listen to other people's conversations," I tell her before looking in front of me again, making Elliot laugh out loud.

"Flight GA 182 to Savannah/Hilton International Airport is ready to board." We hear through the speakers again.

Perfect timing.

Since Elliot and I are in front of the row, we are the first ones to get in. Our seats are right at the wing by the window. Because I'm walking in first, I take the place by the window which means that Elliot needs to take the place in the middle.

"Fuck you, man." He chuckles before taking my bag to put it in the luggage cabinet above our heads. When he has done that, he takes a seat as well. "That little missy clearly needed a dick."

"I know right." I chuckle but I stop instantly when I see to who the seat next to Elliot belongs to. Talking about karma.

"Fucking hell man. Now I really hate you." Ellipt mumbles while I need to try really hard to hold an hystirical laughter.

"Well, well, well. Looks like I can teach you both some manners during this flight." The little grey-haired woman from earlier smiles while taking the seat next to Elliot.

This is going to be a long flight and something tells me that there will be very little sleeping.

* * *

After indeed a very, very long flight with no sleep at all because the little woman took her task of teaching us some manners very seriously, we now finally arrive at the dorm where Rick lives. Thank fucking God. I'm hungry, I need a shower so I can look somewhat good and the most important thing; I want to go to Ana.

"Elliot, wanker, how are you?" Rick says enthusiastically while walking out of the front door of a very big house.

Elliot grins and walks to him as well, hands outstretched to give him a friendly hug. "Ricky, how's it hanging?"

"Slightly to the left like always." He grins before pulling out of Elliot's hug to great me. "Chris, nice to meet you, man. Are you ready to meet that dorky chick of yours?"

I force a smile on my face and shake his outstretched hand. I am really not liking the way he talks about Ana, but I hold my breaths since he needs to provide me from food and a shower.

"Ready as I'll ever be. Although I could use a shower and some breakfast before we'll go." I tell him, hoping that he will catch the hind. Thankfully he does.

"Right, come in. One of my roommates just made pancakes. Let's eat and after that, you can have a shower. You'll sleep with me in my room, I already have two airbeds ready for you, so you can also have a nap if you want." He says while we are walking into the house.

"We're okay. Just a shower and then I want to get going." I tell him and Elliot. I can tell Elliot was more into the whole napping thing, but if he wants to join me he'll have to wait. I want to get to Ana as soon as possible.

The nervous are drastically starting to kick in at this point. I think it is because I'm so close to her now. Just a small hour away from her house, and I swear it makes me feel better already. Now I only have to pray that she hasn't moved on.

"Alright. Let's eat." Rick says. He is excited that we are here and I have to admit that he does seem nice.

He and Elliot are already catching up, talking animatedly to each other while laughing hard. The dorm also looks decent. We are standing in a big kitchen with a huge table to the left and to my surprise I don't see any gross, old pizza boxes or leftovers. I can't say that of my own dorm.

We all take a seat at the table and start eating. I'm eating like a bulldozer because I'm hungry and because I want to get this over with.

"Someone's excited." Rick chuckles while he looks at me.

"You have no idea," I tell him. "Thank you again for your efforts. I really appreciate it."

"Your welcome man. You should bring her here. I'm dying to meet her after all the trouble." He smiles before taking a bite of his pancake as well.

I'm not sure if I will do that, considering this is a house full of guys, but I nod my head anyway. To be honest, I have no idea what we are going to do if she feels the same way as me. We will probably just take a walk and talk. I have missed talking to her. And tomorrow I maybe take her out for breakfast. Our flight will leave at 3 tomorrow so it is a short visit, but I know it is all worth it if Ana tells me she feels the same.

"Where is the shower, Rick? I'm going to freshen up." I ask Rick when I've eaten enough. I'm so nervous I only managed to eat two pancakes, but it'll hold me up until dinner.

"Upstairs to your right and then the third door to your left." He says. He and Elliot are still eating and I think that Elliot will not be full until he has eaten them all. I just hope he eats them quickly so we can get into the car.

Only 50 minutes away from Ana. I. Can't. Wait.

* * *

"Jesus fuck, will you stop that. It even makes me nervous as hell." Elliot says for the fifth time this ride. I can tell I'm pissing him off but I can't help it. I'm tapping my foot up and down so hard, I think the car is shaking and Elliot obviously doesn't appreciate it.

"Sorry," I mumble, looking out of the window if I already see a sign of Ana.

We just drove into the street she is living, and I am on the top of my nerves. I swear it feels like I'm having a heart attack. All kinds of thoughts are going through my head. Did I make a mistake to come here? Will she feel the same? Has she missed me? This shit is costing me years of my life, I just know it.

"Alright, it is the house with the blue front door," Elliot says while nodding his head towards a house to my right.

It isn't a very big house, but it does have a big yard. I take a moment to really check the place out. This is where she lives. She is in there right now, at least I hope she is. I fucking hope she isn't out with some douchebag asshole. If she is, I will haunt this place down until I've found them.

"Are you just going to stare at the place or are you going to ring the bell?" Elliot asks. I can tell he is getting impatient and he might be a little nervous as well.

"Yeah. I'm going. Wait here." I tell him while opening the door and getting out of the car. I don't need him right next to me when I see her again. She'll meet him later after I've said hello to her properly.

I'm walking over the yard to the front door and I feel like my legs are going to give out. I feel like some insecure kid who needs to do a speech in front of the whole class. I don't like this feeling. Once again, Ana's got me all insecure. What the hell does she do to me?

When I'm standing in front of the door, I press the bell and hold my breath. I fucking hope that Ana's father doesn't answer the door. Her mom is fine, she liked me, but her dad. I think he didn't like me at all, even though I was polite. It might have something to do with the fact that I made her ask if she could spend the night with me, but still. I treated Ana right.

I'm waiting for the door to open, but nothing happens. I press the bell again, a little longer this time, hoping that maybe they didn't hear it ringing but I soon realize there is nobody home.

Elliot, who obviously saw from the car that nobody opened, is now walking towards me.

"She isn't home, is she?" He asks.

I shake my head. "Don't think so. Damn it."

I walk to the front window and look inside to see if I maybe see someone. I know she isn't home, but I still have hope. The moment I look through the window however, I can instantly tell there hasn't been anyone in this house for a while. The only thing I see is the kitchen, a few cabinets, and the curtains that are hanging in front of me, making my vision limited. Everything else is gone. No couch, no tv. Nothing.

This can't be happening.

"Are we standing in front of the right house?" I ask Elliot, even though I know we are. I don't want to believe that this is happening.

"We are." He mumbles while looking through the window also. "Fuck man. It looks empty."

"That's because it fucking is, asshole," I growl.

"Easy man. Come on, let's ask the neighbors. Maybe there is an explanation." He says, pulling me to the house next to Anas.

We both walk to the front door of the house and Elliot knocks on the door. Not long after, a middle-aged woman opens the door. She looks at us with a sweet smile on her face.

"Can I help you?" She asks. I fucking hope so.

"Yes. We were wondering, we are here for the Steele family, but we've noticed that their house is empty. Can you tell us more about that?" Elliot asks, clearly understanding I am not able to talk right now.

I can only feel depressed. I know she is gone. I don't know why but I feel it. This is it. She doesn't live here anymore.

"Oh yes, they move out just two days ago. It had something to do with Mr. Steele his job. They couldn't tell me the reason." She says before moving forward a little like she wants to tell us a secret. "But I have doubts about that story. Just a week and a half ago, there was an ambulance and a police car here. They went inside the house of the Steeles. Just minutes after they came out with a stretcher with a girl on it. It was the daughter of Mr. And Mrs. Steele, Ana. I have no idea what happened, but I wouldn't be surprised if it has something to do with their sudden choice to move."

My mind is in overdrive instantly. Ana. What the hell happened to her?

"How did she look? Ana, I mean? Was she hurt?" I ask the woman desperately, making her eyes widen a bit.

"Oh well, I didn't really see her that good, but she was not really moving. As I said, I don't know what happened. Nobody talked to them about it."

"Fucking fuck!" I curse while turning around to calm myself down. Fucking useless neighbors.

"Excuse my brother, he is a bit emotional when it comes to Ana. Do you maybe have a phone number we can use? We came from Seattle and we wanted to visit Ana. She and my brother haven't seen each other in quite some time." Elliot says, trying to justify my weird behavior.

"I've got the number of Carla's cellphone. I always used it to make an appointment for my hair. I have no idea if she took it with her, but we can try." She says before turning around. "One moment."

I turn around again and wait. Elliot is scolding at me in the meantime.

"You might want to keep your anger in check, asshole. She might call the police if you keep it up."

I don't have time to answer because the woman returns before we know it, with a small paper in her hand.

"Here you go. I hope it works. Have you known her for long?" She asks me, a sweet smile on her face. She looks very friendly.

"I've met her in Italy," I answer, really not in the mood to tell her the whole story.

"Ah, summer love." She signs dreamingly. "I hope you'll find her."

"Me too." I nod before grabbing the paper from her and walking back to the car so I can grab my phone. I insert the number like a mad one, dying to see if I can get a hold of them. I'm fucking desperate.

After two tones, I hear someone pick up and suddenly I have hope again.

"Carla Steele." The woman on the other end of the phone says.

Bingo.

"Carla, hi. This is Christian from Italy. From Ana. You know, from the resort." I ramble. God, I really am using all my power to not go crazy right now.

It stays silent for a moment before I hear Carla whisper. "Christian?"

I know she knows who I am. I think she is just surprised.

"Yeah. I've got your number from your neighbor in Savannah. I came to see Ana, but I noticed your house is empty." I tell her, hoping that she will fill in the blanks.

"One moment." I hear her say before I hear movements. I also hear voices talking, but they are too muffled to understand what they are talking about. After about a minute, someone talks again.

"Christian? This is Ray Steele."

"Hi, Mr. Grey," I say, a bit surprised. "How are you?"

I decided to ask him how he is doing first, to be polite and hopefully make a better impression on him than last time.

"I'm fine. I understand that you came to Savannah to visit Ana?" He asks. He is sounding very formal and I don't like it.

"I am. I've done quite some research and I eventually I was able to get your address. I really would like to talk to Ana for a moment if that is okay?" I ask hopefully.

"I see." Mr. Steele says on the other end. "I'm afraid that isn't possible."

My heart stops beating. Why the hell not? Oh god, I hope it hasn't got anything to do with that ambulance the neighbor was talking about.

"Why not? Did something happen to her? Is she okay?" I ask. I'm worried as fuck right now. Please let her be okay.

"Listen, Christian. I'm afraid I can't tell you. I have to ask you to stop looking for Ana." He says after a moment of silence.

What the fuck? Is he insane?

"Why? What is wrong? What happened to her? Has it got something to do with that ambulance? What happened?" I ask him, raising my voice.

"Just stop looking, Christian. It was a summer thing you and Ana had and you need to move on and treasure the memories." He tells me.

"Why the fuck do I need to do that? What the hell happened to her?" I'm fully yelling at him now and I don't even care. I need to know if she is okay.

"Listen, I'm saving you from a lot of drama, boy. She has moved on. Stop looking " He says forcefully before hanging up.

"Fuck man, what the hell was that all about?" Elliot says from behind me.

I don't answer. I just let everything Ray told me sink in. And only one thing stays in my head, it keeps playing on repeat. She has moved on. She doesn't feel the same.

"We can maybe go and find some of her friends, maybe they'll know more about where-" Elliot starts, but I cut him off.

"No. She has moved on." I tell him before getting into the car. "Just head to Ricks."

Elliot doesn't ask more and just gets in the car as well and starts driving. I can tell he is confused by my reaction but I don't care. Ana has moved on. It doesn't matter if I find her. If I do she will only tell her that herself which will make it even more painful. Not to mention that I have no idea if she has friends here. The last time I spoke to her she told me she hadn't. I just have to accept it. She has moved on.

"Do you want to grab a beer somewhere?" Elliot asks. I can tell he is looking for a way to get me to talk.

I shake my head. Like we are going to get a beer somewhere anyway.

"Just go to Ricks. I bet he has something strong that can take my mind of things." I tell him, not looking at him.

"Alright." He signs, still not understanding my reaction but I can tell he is letting it go for now.

"And Elliot, not a word. To anyone or to me. Ever again." I tell him while I do look at him now to show him how serious I am.

He nods his head. "I promise. Not a word."

I nod my head and look out the window again, feeling numb and angry but above all, I feel sad. This is it. I need to move on. I tried finding her and it didn't happen.

Old Christian needs to come the fuck back, right now.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Alright, I just can't stand that you are all pissed at me. Been reading the reviews and they make me sad. So, here we go. I'm very curious about what you all think. Not keeping you any longer, because I just know you are all going to love this one. I know I do! Enjoy! Xx**

**PART II**

Chapter 30: Fridays at work.

"And then I really need you to pick up the balloons, Angie. Is that okay?" José asks on the other end of the phone. He sounds stressed. I can just see him sitting at the dining table with his coffee and his head in his hands. Dramaqueen.

"Yes Josy, you've already told me yesterday," I whisper so my colleague won't hear me. I am about to start my day at work and I really need to get out of the little kitchen, but José doesn't seem to care at all.

"I just want it to be perfect, hun. It needs to be big. Huge. Over the top." He sighs dramatically.

I roll my eyes. This weekend is the surprise birthday party for Mandy that José and I planned for her. She is turning 28 and it will be so much fun. But as always José comes up with things that need to be arranged last minute, and he is very stressed about it.

"It will be perfect. I have to go, she'll hear me." I mumble before disconnecting the call and walking out of the little kitchen and into the classroom where I already see kids playing. I take a seat at the round table in the right corner to play with some kids, it is always my favorite thing to start the day with.

"Goos morwing, Miss Mamdy, and Miss Ama!" Two and a half-year-old Ava yells excitedly while running into the classroom, passing Mandy as she goes. Her mom runs in as well, on Ava's heels to keep up with her.

In a flash I see Ava running past me, straight to the mini kitchen where she always plays. It makes me laugh. Like every time she comes, Ava is very excited for a new day at pre-school and as always her mom is already exhausted while it isn't 9 o'clock yet.

"Ava, not so fast. You need to shake hands with your teachers." The blonde woman says while grabbing Ava's arm and bringing her back to Mandy again.

Ava immediately puts on her professional pout. "But mommy, I wanna play."

"And you can after you've said good morning like a big girl." Her mother says, not sensitive for the pout of her daughter.

Ava has been attending the pre-school I'm working for three months now and although she was very shy in the beginning, she now feels completely at ease. It is so amazing to see how fast small children adjust and feel happy and excited, and I can't help but feel a little proud to have a small credit for that.

"Goos morwing, Miss Ama," Ava says while she moves her hand in front of my face, trying to get my attention away from my thoughts. It makes me chuckle.

"Good morning, Ava." I smile while grabbing her little hand and shaking it. Ava let's go after just one second, however, and runs back to the mini kitchen to bake her imaginable pancakes.

"Oh, I really try to teach her some manners but it is really hard when her my husband gives her everything and finds everything okay." Ava's mom smiles while she proudly looks at her daughter who is now playing with another girl.

I have never met Ava's father because her mother always brings her to school and picks her up. Mandy did have an intake with both parents when they signed Ava in but I wasn't working that day. I have looked in her file and her father owns a construction company and her mother is a journalist. They live in Bellevue and wanted to bring Ava here because her mom works in Seattle. They seem like a happy, young family with no problems or particularities.

I smile up at her. "She is doing great, the manners will come with time. She did shake my hand when you asked her to." I tell her reassuringly.

"Your right. I think she is also a little hyper today because we had to rush to get here. I have a very important interview today and I lost the file this morning. By the time I had found it, we were way too late." She signs. She looks tired.

"Relax. She is here on time, and you can say goodbye to her now and go to work. We'll take care of her." I smile.

Ava's mother nods her head. "Thank you, Ana. Ava really loves it here. She is always talking about Miss Ama and Miss Mamdy at home."

It really is great to hear things like that. It tells me how much the kids that come here love it here. I'm happy that I can teach them things and it is the biggest compliment to hear is that kids like it so much they even talk about it at home.

"Your welcome." I smile before standing from my chair and clapping my hands to get the attention of the children.

"Alright, everybody. It is time to say goodbye to your mommy or daddy because we are having so many great things to do today. If you want to wave, you know where you can stand." I tell them while nodding my head to the window with handprints on it. Mandy and I made it so kids can wave goodbye. Some of them are really sad when their parents leave, and waving sometimes helps.

When every parent has left, Mandy closes the door and helps me to get the children on the chairs that are standing in the middle of the classroom in a circle. Mandy and I take turns in leading the class and today it is my turn. It means that I make the program and do activities with the whole group, while Mandy takes time to play with the kids one on one.

"Good morning everybody," I say when everybody is sitting. "Are we excited for a new day?"

"Yes!" Almost every kid yells, of course, one harder than the other to make sure I hear them correctly.

"Great! How about we sing a song first? Miss Mandy, do you know a nice song to sing?" I ask Mandy, who is also sitting in the circle.

I love working with Mandy because she is also one of my best friends. After I went to the care hotel in Washington, José came to visit me regularly and one of the times he brought Mandy along. Ever since then, the three of us are best friends. After I graduated and got my diploma for pedagogy, me, José and Mandy moved to Seattle together where we are now living in a three bedroom apartment. And as if I couldn't be luckier, Mandy and I got a job at the same pre-school, where we work together four days of the week. On Wednesday I'm volunteering in the care hotel where they helped me all those years ago.

"How about the wheels of the bus?" Mandy says excitedly, making all the kids clap their hands in excitement as well. She knows that that song is going to make them go insane. They love it.

"Great pick, Miss Mandy," I tell her a little bit sarcastic but still smiling.

"You're welcome." She chuckles while giving me a wink.

It is Friday and it is always the day where things get a little unorganized, but that makes the day even more fun.

I start singing the song and all the children immediately start to sing along while also doing the little dance we've taught them. In the middle of the song, the phone goes off and because I am leading the group, Mandy picks up.

I keep singing and soon Mandy joins again so we can sing a couple of other songs. When we are done, I'll let the kids pick an activity one by one. It is routine and because of it the kids perfectly wait for their turns. It makes me smile, they are really sweet.

When everyone is playing, I walk over to Mandy who is just making us tea.

"God, I'm ready for the weekend." She signs while handing me my hot tea.

I smirk and walk back to the kids with Mandy following me. "You are always ready for the weekend."

"I know." She giggles. "I love my job, but it is also nice to be around adults for a day."

"Your right, it makes talking a little easier," I say while I'm just in time to prevent Jordan from slipping. You really need to multitask for this job.

"Before I forget, Ava's mom Kate just called. She forgot to tell us that Ava's dad will pick her up." She tells me to give me heads up.

I nod my head and focus on two kids that are fighting over a toy. One is crying while the other one is screaming.

Okay, I'm maybe ready for the weekend as well.

* * *

"Jordan, please stop pulling of your jacket, your mom will be coming in soon and if you are not wearing your jacket, you can't go home," I tell the boy. He is a little cheeky kid and I adore him, but he really is a hand full.

"Yews, listen to Miss Ama, like me," Ava says, making me chuckle. Bossy little thing, talking about a hand full.

"Ava, please be quiet so we can say goodbye to each other," I say before getting the groups attention.

"Alright, can I see your hands?" I ask them and immediately all the kids raise their small hand to wave at me enthusiastically. I really love my job.

"And what do we say?" I ask them.

"Goodbye everybody, thanks for playing!" They all say in unison. Gosh, are they precious or what? They are not my own kids, but I swear I love them all.

"Alright, who wants to open the door and tell the parents that they can come in?" Mandy asks before picking one of the boys to open the door.

"And we all wait, on our chairs, until your mommy or daddy is with you, understand?" I ask the other kids who all nod their head.

We made a habit of making the children wait until their parents are right next to them before they can stand from their chairs. In that way, we can see who is taking who home. We know all the parents, and if someone else is picking the child up we always need to be informed.

I see Mandy walking back to the circle, with a few parents already behind her. The parents always have 15 minutes to pick their kids up. Usually, it only takes five minutes before all the kids are picked up, but sometimes a parent runs a little late. It is nice for them to know that we will keep them here until they can take them home.

After five minutes everyone has been picked up, except for Ava, who is still waiting patiently for her dad. I have a feeling that dad might not know the exact time to pick her up.

"Ava, do you want to help me with cleaning up?" I ask her. I know she loves to help the teacher.

Yess!" She says while jumping up immediately.

"Great, let's put away the chairs," I tell her before picking up the small chairs and putting them in the corner. Ava does exactly the same. Just when we are almost finished, she is distracted by someone that opens the door.

"Daddy!" She yells while she runs away and jumps into the arms of a blonde, tall man. He is wearing a black t-shirt and black jeans, both a bit dirty which indicates that he is coming from work. He is well built and very attractive, which really doesn't surprise me since Ava's mom also looks very pretty.

"Hi princess. Sorry daddy is late, uncle Chris couldn't find your school." He tells his daughter.

I turn around to grab the last two chairs, a smile playing on my face caused by their interaction, but then I'm startled when I hear another voice. A voice that I haven't heard since I was sixteen. It immediately gives me goosebumps and I am almost afraid to turn around. Is it really him?

"Your daddy is lying, sweetie. I'll always find the school of my favorite little clown."

"Uncwle Chrissie!" Ava yells even louder than before and my heart stops beating. Uncle Chris? Chris as in Christian?

I slowly turn around and my legs instantly turn weak. Standing right there, in the door opening with Ava in his arms, is Christian. He looks older. He is way more muscled, his hair is shorter and his face has stubble, but it is him. Christian. He is wearing a black long-sleeved shirt and black jeans, just like Ava's dad and he looks amazing. Rough, manly and huge. Even more handsome than I remember.

My face turns bright red and my breathing is shallow. My palms are sweating and I think everybody can hear my heartbeat. This is insane. He is here.

"Ana, come over here so you can meet Ava's dad," Mandy says. She has no idea.

The moment she says my name, Christian's head shoots up and his grey eyes lock with mine. His eyes widened immediately and I can tell he is just as shocked as I am.

Oh my God.

**A/N: Told you that their story has only just begun. Hope I made up for it. X**


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: I'm overwhelmed by all the reactions to the last chapter. I love them all, the good and the bad. Thank you! I know we all want to know what is going on in Christian's mind, so this one will hopefully make things a lot more clear. Enjoy and see you tomorrow. It really is tomorrow by the way since I'm going out today :) xx**

Chapter 31: Fucking finally.

"Chris, let's go, man. I don't want to be late to pick up Ava." Elliot tells me while loading the last things in the truck before closing it.

"I'm ready," I say, already taking my place behind the wheel. I don't understand why he acts like he is waiting for me while he is the one that is not done yet.

After a minute, Elliot takes his place next to me. We both smell like sweat and I actually feel a little embarrassed to go and pick up Ava like this, but since Kate couldn't pick her up, Elliot needed to go and I happened to pick Elliot up this morning. So now we will both smell out the classroom.

I don't mind though, because I always look forward to seeing Ava. She is the cutest little kid, and to my delight completely crazy about me. I just know that when she sees me, she will completely ignore Elliot and run to me, and I can't help but smile at that. Elliot doesn't mind though, he is happy that Ava and I have a special bond.

"Have you picked her up before? You seem nervous?" I ask him while we are driving away from the house we are renovating. It is a big project for a client who has a shitload of money which is why Elliot and I stay around to see if everything goes according to plan.

Elliot shakes his head. "I haven't, man. I'm not nervous but Kate will murder me if I am late. She is asking me to get my daughter from school this one time and I manage to get there too late. Can you imagine what Kate would think of that? I also don't want Ava to be the last one who is still there while every other kid is already gone. We have 15 minutes, is that enough?"

"It's three o'clock on a Friday and we need to go through Seattle, I can't promise you anything." I chuckle while hitting the gas. "Relax, her teacher isn't going to kick her out. And I won't tell Kate."

My brother is very devoted to Kate, to the point of insanity really. He is always asking Kate for permission to do something and I just know that she calls the shots. Kate is a great woman though, and because she and Elliot are together for ten years already, she is more of a sister to me than my brother's wife.

"Are you still meeting Mr. Tang on Monday?"

I nod my head. "Yeah, around lunch. Why?"

Mr. Tang is a potential client. He wants to build an exclusive hotel just outside Seattle and he wants Grey Constructions to do the job, but he is bullshitting about the money. Since I take the administrative side of the company on my shoulders as well, I am doing the meetings and negotiations.

"No reason. I just really think this is going to be a great project for us. It will give us a chance to work outside of Seattle and Bellevue."

I nod my head in agreement. "Your right. We will make a deal, trust me. I just want to get everything out of it before we agree."

Elliot nods his head and looks at me. I can feel his eyes on me and I just know he wants to say something, but he is hesitant about it.

"What?" I growl. I really hate it when people don't say what they want to say. Just get to the point.

"Are you sure you are not doing too much? I mean, the administration of Grey Constructions is a lot of work on itself, but you are also on the ground almost thirty hours a week. I just want to make sure you don't overwork yourself."

I roll my eyes. This has been the discussion ever since we've started Grey Construction and every time I tell him the same thing.

"I'm fine, Elliot. I like my job. And you don't need to feel guilty either, you have Kate and Ava at home and they also need your time and attention. Don't worry, I can handle it." I tell him reassuringly.

"If you had a nice woman who waited for you then maybe you would think different about that one." He mumbles quietly. But unfortunately for him, I heart it perfectly.

Ever since we started Grey Constructions nine years ago, I have been putting everything into it. All my time and all my energy. It kept me from thinking, and it still does. When I come home after a day of hard work, I work out at my home gym, I shower and get behind the laptop to work a little more until I can't keep my eyes open. When I reach that point, I'll go to bed and fall asleep instantly. It has been like that from the start, and it works for me. Stop thinking, keep working.

I am really getting sick of everybody who is telling me that I need to find a nice girl who can keep me warm at night. Mom and dad are talking about it every chance they get and even try to set me up from time to time. Mia made me one of those fucking accounts on Tinder which is, by the way, the biggest fuckfest in the world and not what I am looking for at all, and now Elliot is also starting this bullshit.

"But I haven't so everything is cool," I tell him, cutting him off before the real conversation about this subject can start. He will never understand. Nobody will, so why bother explaining it.

The rest of the ride is silent. I think Elliot feels the tension that is cost by his last statement about my relationship status and he is choosing to get to Ava's pre-school in peace.

The moment I park the truck, Elliot sprints out of it and runs towards the door. He is acting like we are an hour late while it is just a few minutes. I just follow him, at a normal pace because I am sure the teacher will not fall over five minutes.

"Hi princess. Sorry daddy is late, uncle Chris couldn't find your school." I hear Elliot say when I walk into the hallway that leads to the classroom of Ava's pre-school.

Fucking fucker, now he is blaming me. I know why he is saying it. He either hopes that Ava will be mad at me or that she will tell her mom it was my fault. Elliot is just a little scared bitch when it comes to Kate.

I walk into the classroom where I see Elliot stand in front of me with Ava in his arms and her teacher is standing next to him. She has reddish hair and looks quite young. I wonder if she is watching all the kids by herself because that must be a challenge.

I look at Ava, who still hasn't noticed me and only has eyes for her dad. Time to change that.

"Your daddy is lying, sweetie. I'll always find the school of my favorite little clown." I smirk before squatting down and bracing myself for the impact that is about to hit in.

"Uncwle Chrissie!" Ava yells on top of her lungs before she wiggles herself out of Elliot's arms and runs into mine, just like I expected her to do.

Her little hands instantly fly to my cheeks, where she rubs the spikey hairs like always before her tiny arms wrap around my neck. I love her hugs because she always is generally happy to see me. Kids can't fake that, they are sincere.

I'm just about to ask Ava if she had a nice day when the redhead next to Elliot says a name that makes the hairs in my neck stand up. My heart instantly starts beating twice as hard. Even after ten years, that name still has the same effect on me. I know it is disturbing, but I can't help it.

"Ana, come over here so you can meet Ava's dad."

I follow the gaze of the redhead and my eyes widen and I almost let Ava fall onto the floor. Is this some sick joke?

Standing in the corner of the classroom with two chairs in her hands is Ana. My Ana. I could recognize her from miles away. She is wearing her brown hair in a high ponytail, her cheeks are red and her ocean blue eyes are looking at me just as shocked. She isn't wearing her glasses and she looks different overall, but it is her. And she is fucking gorgeous.

"Ana?" The redhead says again, obviously a bit confused by the stare down.

Ana snaps out of her trance instantly and walks over to us, her hips lightly swaying as she goes. Goddamn, she still has that insane body. Curvy and soft, I still remember how she felt under my hands and I swear it still gets me hard as a rock every time I think about it. Which is very inappropriate thought right now considering I'm holding my niece and apparently Ana also is her teacher.

"Hi, I'm Ana. Nice to meet you." She says while she offers my brother her hand which he takes.

I see him looking from Ana to me, obviously remembering the name. "Hi...Ana, you weren't by any change in Italy ten years ago, right?" He chuckles, trying to be funny.

Fucking Christ. Leave it up to my brother to break the ice. Idiot.

"Well, I kind of was." Ana nervously giggles. Her giggle instantly takes me back to Italy. To that night in my hotel room when she gave herself to me. I would give anything to go back to that night.

"No shit," Elliot mumbles before taking Ava out of my arms and turning to the redhaired woman who is looking very confused. "Come on Ava, maybe your teacher can show us where you can wave goodbye."

Elliot obviously wants to give us a moment which I appreciate, but I can tell Ana's colleague is hesitant. She looks at Ana for a brief moment to ask if she can go and only when Ana nods, she leads Elliot and Ava further into the classroom.

"Hi." She softly says. I can tell she is nervous. She is still blushing and she is moving her weight from one foot to the other. It is fucking cute and precisely how I feel as well.

I can't seem to find the words to greet her. Everything that you say to greet someone doesn't seem powerful enough, not after all these years. I have thought about this moment hundreds of times, about what I would do if I ever saw her again. And every time I thought about it, I did the same thing. I pulled her in my arms and just held her against me.

I have no idea if she'll let me, but I can't stand not touching her, so I do exactly what I've been thinking about. I grab her waist, pulling her against me and instantly I feel relief wash over me. This is how it should be. I never doubted it. I've lost hope and I've let her go, but I never doubted that she belonged with me. She has always been it.

I take her by surprise with my action, I can tell by the way she gasped when I pulled her to me, but after a few seconds, I feel her wrap her arms around my neck and it feels exactly like it did the last time I held her like this.

"Hi," I mumble in her hair, inhaling her scent. She smells different, even though I can't really remember what she smelled like in Italy.

"You look amazing," I tell her while pulling back slightly to look at her properly. My hands still rest om her waist and her hands are on my biceps. It feels familiar yet new.

"You look...huge." She says after she has looked up and down my body very fast.

It makes me chuckle. "Yeah, work," I say like that explains everything. "You look really good, Ana. How did you end up here? How are you?"

"I'm good. It is kind of a long story."

I nod my head. I understand that she doesn't want to tell everything right now while she is technically still working. I have no idea what happened, but I know it must've had an impact on her. It had a huge impact on me and I wasn't even with her.

"Uncwle Chrissie, can me go howme now?" Ava asks while she walks to me and Ana again, making Ana step away from me. I instantly want to pull her back, but I respect it that she's put distance between us. I think she did it because of Ava.

"Sorry, couldn't distract her longer." Elliot chuckles. "I'll wait in the truck." He nods, holding his hand up so I can give him the key.

"Be right there," I tell him. I need to make sure I will see her again. Soon.

"What are you doing tonight?" I ask eagerly. Seriously, nothing has changed.

"Um, I think just watching tv. Nothing special." She says, her eyes look at me hopefully. It is a good sign, I think.

"Can I take you out for dinner? So we can talk?"

She immediately nods her head excitedly, making me smile. "I would love that."

"Great!" I say before turning around to walk through the door.

"Wait! Don't you need my address?" Ana almost yells like she is afraid I won't hear her.

Fuck, idiot. Of course, I need her address. You would think I've learned something from the last time. Good thing she does the thinking.

"Yeah, that would be helpful." I chuckle.

She smiles. "If you give me your number, I'll text it to you."

I nod my head again, feeling like a huge loser. I am so out of my element right now, it has been way too long. The old Christian would be ashamed right now.

I give her my number which she types into her phone. If only she had one of those back then, we wouldn't be standing here right now. We would be happily married, have children and living in a house that I'd build for her, I would've made sure we were. Or maybe that is just what I hope since I now know what it is like without her. Which is hell?

"I'll text you." She says when she is done.

I nod my head. "Great. See you tonight then."

"Tonight." She nods while she has a sweet smile on her face. "Bye."

"Bye Ana," I say before walking out of the classroom and building.

The cool breeze is very welcome after what just happened inside. I feel like I'm sweating even more than on a regular day at work. I can't believe that Ana is Ava's teacher. This just has to be some kind of sign yet again.

The moment I step into the truck, I know Elliot will not ignore the events. He has a creepy smile on his face while he looks at me expectantly. He doesn't speak, he just looks like a creep that is begging me for information. As if she knows her dad needs help, little Ava starts talking from the backseat.

"You like Miss Ama, Unclwe Chrissie?"

Elliot chuckles while he starts the car and I have a feeling that he has put her up to this. No way in hell a two and a half-year-old girl understands that I like her after what she saw. Elliot should be ashamed of himself.

"Yeah, she is nice, isn't she?" I reply, not giving Elliot anything from what he wants to hear.

"Me like Miss Ama too." Ava smiles before she starts singing a song like the whole thing isn't a big deal.

We drive through Seattle while listening to Ava's concert for a few minutes. Eventually, Elliot can't take it any longer and starts talking. Granted, I owe him but Jesus.

"She's cute. Not really the nerdy type I thought she was. Am I allowed to talk about it now?" He smirks.

I have to admit, Elliot never talked about what happened in Savannah, just like I'd asked him. He tried to help me get over her, and he was always there for me when I needed him but I think he also knew that I was never going to get over her. Deep down he knows that that is the reason for my current relationship status but since I'd asked him to never talk about it again, he never asked me if it was.

"She has changed a bit," I tell him. I'm not really sure what changed, because appearance wise she doesn't seem to have changed that much. It is something about her whole demeanor I think.

"I'm sure she has." Elliot grins.

I roll my eyes, ready to reply with a smart answer but I'm distracted by the buzzing of my phone. When I look at the screen, I see that I have a text message from an unknown number.

*Hi, this is my number. My address is 1915 2nd Ave, Seattle, WA 98101, apartment 5B. It was great to see you again and I look forward to tonight.*

A smile instantly forms my lips and I feel like the lovesick teenager I was all over again. In a way, I still am that guy, so it is kind of confusing as well. I decide to park my feelings for now and just enjoy this day. The day where I've found Ana again and where I will take her out for dinner later.

*Thanks. I'll pick you up around 7 if that's okay? Can't wait to hear how you've been doing. You have no idea how happy I am that you are my niece's teacher.*

"Please tell me that you did ask for her number this time." Elliot chuckles as a response to my reaction to the texting.

"It was a different time back then, asshole." I hiss, aware of the small ears behind us.

"Just saying." He laughs while he holds up his hands in apology. "Are you coming inside to have a beer?" He nods and when I look out the window I see that we've arrived at Elliot and Kate's house.

My phone buzzes again, making me look at it instantly. No wonder those young kids sleep with this thing in their hands. They probably all have this love interest that is texting them.

*7 is fine. Can't wait. X*

Call me crazy, but that kiss gives me hope. Hope that maybe there is a change after all these years, that I can kiss her for real tonight. I have no idea if she would be up for it, but a man can hope, right?

"I can't, man. Next time. I have a date." I tell Elliot with a huge smile on my face, making him smile as well. I can tell he is happy for me.

"Fucking finally." He grins before getting Ava out of the backseat so I can drive through the street to my own house.

After ten years, that is exactly how I would describe everything that is happening right now. Fucking finally.


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: We all want the date, and I completely understand that but I needed this chapter to be a part of it as well. Next is the date. See you tomorrow! Enjoy! Xx**

Chapter 32: Preparations.

"What the hell was that?" Mandy asks the moment Christian has walked out the door. She is shocked, confused and excited at the same time, just like me really.

"That was Christian," I tell her, a smile instantly forms my lips when I say his name. I love saying his name.

"Yeah, I got that. What I meant was what the hell was that between you two?" She says, her eyes still wide like she can't believe what just happened. I know they will be even wider when I tell her everything.

I haven't told anyone about Christian, only José. After mom and dad asked my complete devotion to getting better and therefore forgetting Christian, I hardly spoke about him. Partly because I promised and partly because it just hurt too much. The times that I talked about him, was during therapy in the care hotel, and that was only a few times just so they knew the whole story.

"It is a long story. I promise that I'll tell you, but first, we need to clean up here. Once we are home, I will tell you everything." I tell her. I want to go home as quickly as possible right now, so I can have a shower and get ready for tonight.

I am so happy that he asked me to grab dinner but it also makes me very nervous. The thought of being alone with him again, after everything that happened, it makes me very aware of myself. I just hope he will still like me.

I know that the chances are small, but I hope that he doesn't have a girlfriend or wife. The hug he gave me was a friendly one, I could feel it, but I would give everything for a hug that feels less friendly and more romantic. After all these years of thinking that I had moved on, I only now realize that I never have. The moment I saw him, every nerve in me wakened and it felt like I was truly alive again, how crazy that may sound. Everything came back and I just know that I am not over him by long shot.

"Alright. If you lock up the files, I'll close the windows and then we can go." Mandy says excitedly while clapping her hands. It makes me laugh, she is so eager to know the story.

I nod my head and walk to the file cabinet where I check if I miss anything. While I'm going through every file, I remind myself that I promised José to pick up the balloons for Mandy's party. I need to have an excuse ready for when Mandy asks questions.

Just when I'm closing the cabinet, Mandy is also done and we make our way to the door.

"I need to pick up something before I head home, you can go. I'll meet you there." I tell Mandy when we are standing next to our bikes.

The pre-school is just fifteen minutes from our house, which is a perfect distance to cover with bikes. Driving the car would take longer, especially with the busy mornings in Seattle. It is always nice to ride home after a long day of work, and we are having some exercise as well.

"Okay, do you need me to join?" Mandy asks, not out of curiosity though, just to be nice.

"No, it's just a small thing. I'll be fine." I tell her before stepping on my bike. "See you later."

She nods her head and drives away and I also start moving. I really want to be home as soon as possible. I need to shower, do my hair and then I really need Mandy and José to give me advise on what to wear. And of course, Mandy will want answers.

I feel so different now that I have seen Christian again. It is like everything is brighter than before. It doesn't matter if he'll only want this dinner to catch up. What matters is that I've seen him again and that I can talk to him now. That's what I've missed the most, talking to him.

I can't wait until dinner. We really need to catch up.

* * *

"Are you freaking serious right now?" Josy dramatically squeals. His hands are fanning his face and his eyes are dancing. He is excited alright.

"I am." I smile.

I've just told José about who walked into the classroom two hours ago, and he is almost losing it.

"Oh my God. And he is taking you out? He is still head over heels, I just know it. God finally some action in your love life, girl."

"I'm not so sure about that. Maybe he just wants to catch up and have a nice dinner. I mean, it has been ten years, Josy. I'm sure he has moved on." I tell him. I know I'm saying it to make sure I don't get too excited about this dinner. It's just a dinner between old friends, talking about our lives.

"He hugged you, Angie. He freaking pulled you to him and squeezed you against his huge chest where his muscles were hard under his shirt. You probably felt every single thing. Oh God and he told you that you look amazing. Not good, not pretty. No, Amazing. A-ma-zing. He is totally not over you, honey. He is at home pumping himself up right now, mark my words." José says like he is stating facts. As always, he makes everything I've told him twice as romantic and big. I don't even want to think about what pumping it up means, so I just pretend he is talking about push-ups.

"I think he was just surprised to see me and hugged me because it has been so long." I counter. José even sees love in horror movies, so I don't need to get too excited.

"How did he look?" He asks, he is sitting at the tip of my bed with a glass of white wine in his hand and I can tell he loves this more than his weekly gossip date with Johnny, his fling.

"He looked good," I say, a smile on my face while I think about it. He looked amazing.

"Good?!" Mandy says shocked. "Jesus Ana, he didn't look just good. I swear Josy, he was huge, manly, rough, a little sweaty and everything you are looking for in a man topped with the copper hair and stubble. And his voice, hello. I bet he destroys panties by just talking."

Josy and Mandy are laughing and cheering and I just look at them, feeling a little bit jealous that Mandy is talking about him like that. Who am I kidding? He looks amazing and I am just...me. Of course, he has a girlfriend. A guy like that isn't single, and definitely not still into a girl he met ten years ago on vacation.

"Well, if that is the case, we need to make you just as hot and sexy, Angie. Any thoughts on what we are going to wear?" He asks me like we are all going out for dinner. I really love him but he can be so in your face, it is a bit much sometimes.

"I don't know where we will go, so I think just casual? But not too casual. Maybe something with layers so I can take it off." I say.

"Oh, we are talking about taking clothes off. We definitely need sexy for this one, Mannie." José says to Mandy who is already standing in front of my closet.

I just roll my eyes. Talking with Mandy and José about guys always ends up in talking about sex. "I didn't mean it like that, oversexed kitten. I just meant something like a jacket. Maybe with a dress?"

"A dress can come in handy. Easy access." José winks.

I just roll my eyes and choose to ignore him because what do I say to that? I know that that won't happen, we are just going to talk. Even the thought about talking to him makes me nervous, let alone doing more with him than that. It has been so long, I feel like a virgin all over again.

"Oh, how about this one?" Mandy says excitedly while she shows me my black dress. It is a tight-fitting dress that stops just above the knee. It has short sleeves and I have never worn it since I'm not completely comfortable in it. My hips and butt are really showing in that one.

"Perfect. And you need to wear it with your leather jacket. Classy but casual and super sexy. It will be a winner." José winks.

"Maybe I should just go with jeans,'' I try, but I know the decision is already made.

I have to admit that José and Mandy have had way more dates than me, so they probably know better as to what you should wear. And Christian probably likes this dress more than he would like jeans.

"No change. You are wearing this one. You have a great body Ana, it is such a waste to hide it. You can pick the shoes, either my black heels or your black and white Adidas sneakers. Both will look cute." Mandy says while she hands me the dress.

"Definitely my sneakers." I never wear heels, I will probably break my neck.

"I agree. We don't want any accidents. The first date at the hospital isn't really something positive." Jose giggles. He knows how clumsy I can be.

Mandy nods her head as well. "Alright, time to shower and shave, lady. After that, I'll do your hair."

I roll my eyes again and walk into the bathroom. I will take a long shower. It's like these two are playing dress up and I am their Barbie. I know they mean it well but sometimes they are a bit much and not really listening to what I want.

But they might be right about the dress, so I'll let it go for now. And they're also right about the shaving part, so I better get going.

"Hurry Angie, he will be here in an hour and your hair will not do the curling itself," José yells.

God, that fast? No time for a long shower after all.

* * *

It is five minutes to seven and I am standing in front of the mirror in my room. I have to admit, Mandy and José made sure that I still look like myself. My shoulder length hair is in loose curls and my make-up is light, just like always. Now that I am wearing the outfit with my sneakers, I feel comfortable. The jacket also helps with that since it covers the tightness of the slightly.

"Amazing," José says. "Damn Angie. Those curves. If I wasn't into the D, I would consider dating you."

"You would consider?" I ask him with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, I mean, many fish in the sea and I am a handsome man." He smirks, making me laugh as well. "Seriously though, you look gorgeous."

Mandy, who is standing next to him, is nodding her head in agreement.

"Thanks for helping." I smile. They aren't so bad after all.

They don't have time to respond because just when finishing my sentence, the bell rings, indicating that someone is standing downstairs.

I walk to the phone with the touchscreen and I can see Christian standing downstairs on the little display.

"Hi, I'll be right down," I tell him through the phone before turning to Mandy and José. "I'm off."

"Have fun, hun. We won't wait up." Jose giggles while he holds up his wine.

"And you better not be back before ten." Mandy giggles as well. They are crazy.

"Bye." I smile before closing the door and walking to the elevator. Right now the nerves are really all over the place. I just hope that it will be easygoing like it always was in Italy.

The moment I step through the doors and see Christian standing there, the nerves turn into butterflies. He looks so good. He is wearing a white shirt with a black leather jacket and dark blue jeans and he is also wearing Adidas shoes, which makes me smile.

"Hi," I say, not really sure how we should greet each other now. I know he hugged me this afternoon, but maybe that just was a reaction that was costed because he was surprised.

He obviously doesn't think so, because he pulls me in a hug again, his strong arms around my waist feel so nice an familiar, I wish it could last. I have missed this.

"Hi." He smiles when he pulls back. "You look great."

"Thanks, you too." I smile. He seems nervous as well which is kind of nice to know.

"Nice place to have an apartment. Close to Pike Place Market." He mentions while he nods to my building.

"Yeah. It is great. I live on the fifth floor, where I share a three bedroom apartment with Mandy and José. The view is pretty great. It is a nice location." I smile.

"José?" He instantly asks, making me giggle.

"José." I nod. "I've known him since my new school. He is one of the girls, as in completely one of the girls."

Christian nods his head, relief washes over his face which makes me smile. I think he was scared that José was my boyfriend. That would mean that he maybe is interested, right? That he doesn't have a girlfriend? I hope so.

We are still standing close to each other, his hands on my waist and mine on his arms. His muscles are definitely way bigger than ten years ago. Mandy was right when she described him, he looks rough and manly, completely different from the cool, smooth boy he was in Italy. This is a man. A very huge, sexy and strong man. And it makes my palms sweat and my belly clench.

"Ana?" Christian says, pulling me out of my daydream. "Is that okay?"

I look at him in question. Shit, he said something and I completely missed it because I was looking at his body.

"Sorry, what?" I ask him, trying very hard not to blush. Pay attention, Ana.

He chuckles. "I said that I've made a reservation at a small restaurant just minutes from here. If it's okay with you, we can walk?"

"Right, Yeah, that's fine. I like walking." I like walking? Seriously?

"Good." He laughs. "Let's go."

Thank God I'm not wearing Mandy's heels.


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: Wanna go on a date? I have to say that this is part one. The chapter was getting a bit too long and I needed a part of the date to be in Ana's pov. I hope it lives up to the expectations. Enjoy and let me know what you think! Xx**

Chapter 33: Catching up.

The moment she walked out of the building, I had to stop myself from pulling her against me to kiss her senseless. Just like I am now using all the power in me not to grab her hand or put my arm around her while we are walking to the restaurant. I feel so out of my element, you would think I have never been on a date before. It is embarrassing.

She is looking gorgeous. Her hair is shorter than it was in Italy, but it looks fuller and it makes her face stand out more. She is wearing a little more make-up than this afternoon, and she is still not wearing her glasses which makes her look more secure. It is like she's stopped hiding and I love it. And the dress, it is showing every curve of her body perfectly and all I can think about is if she'd allow me to see how much her body has changed.

"So, I assume you are working in construction as well?" She asks after we've walked in silence for a few minutes. It was a comfortable silence, but I am glad that she started talking since my thoughts will only get me into trouble.

I nod my head. "Yeah, I actually own Grey Constructions, with Elliot. We've started it nine years ago and the last four years we really have grown. We are taking on big projects now, renovations and we are building ourselves as well. We have about sixty people working for us, so we can take on more projects at once. It is great to see how a small thing has grown out to be this big, we've worked hard for it. We still do."

She smiles and nods her head. "I believe that immediately. What project are you most proud of?"

"That one is easy," I respond immediately. "Elliot and I both built our own houses. We bought two lots from our first profit, in the same street in Bellevue, and started building. We've had help from an architect, but the ideas were ours. It took two years since we went there after work, but it was completely worth it."

"Wow. You've built your own house?" She is impressed.

I nod my head proudly. "Yeah, it's great. It's just ten minutes from Lake Washington and has a big yard. It's a very light place and has four bedrooms and two bathrooms."

"That is amazing." She smiles. "How did you get into construction? When did you two decide to start a company in that branch?"

She is very interested and I really like that, but this question has so much to do with her, that I have to think about how to tell her this. If I tell her why we started Grey Constructions, it will only raise more questions and I want to have time to answer them properly, preferably in a private atmosphere.

"It is a long story. I will tell you, but first I want to know how you ended up in Washington." I want to know a little more about what happened to her. Hopefully, it will answer some questions without having to ask her.

"Oh, that's a long story as well." She says, her face suddenly a bit sad. I hope it doesn't have anything to do with brushing off her question.

"It's not that I don't want to tell you how I got into construction, it is just that I think I shouldn't tell you that while we are having dinner in a public place. It is kind of a loaded subject." I tell her, hoping that she will understand.

She smiles. It is a sad smile, but still. "Same here."

I stop walking for a second, thinking about what she just said. It is obvious that we need to talk and that we both want to talk, only the restaurant isn't the place to do it.

"If you want, we can do something else than going out for dinner?" I say, a bit hesitant. I'm not sure if what I have in mind will make her feel more at ease, but I do know that going out for dinner while things can't be said isn't a good idea.

She is looking at me questioningly, so I continue, hoping that she doesn't think it is a step too far.

"We can go to my place to talk, or yours? We can just order something. It would give us time and privacy to talk. I don't want to pressure you, and if you don't want to then it is okay, but I feel like we need to talk first. Before we are going out to dinner I mean. In a public place. You know, to catch up." I ramble, trying to make sense. Fucking hell, this shit is really hard.

She looks at me surprised and I'm not really sure what she is thinking. Either she likes the idea or she hates it. She is thinking about what I said, but if it is good or bad thoughts, no idea.

"I'm sorry. It is very forward of me to propose something like that. I'm practically a stranger to you."

"No, no. I think you are right. It would be very awkward if we have nothing to talk about during dinner because we are afraid to ask questions. I was just thinking that it isn't ideal to do it at my place since Mandy and José are home." She says, surprising me.

I nod my head. I wouldn't feel comfortable either knowing that other people could hear us. The conversation will be heavy and difficult and I just know it is going to be emotional as well. I need to have privacy for that, and Ana obviously feels the same about telling her story. Which means we have one other option.

"We can go to my house?" Fuck I have never felt so nervous even though I think she saw this one coming.

Her blue eyes look at me in a way I can't describe and for a moment I think she is going to tell me no. But then she surprised me again.

"Let's go to your place. We'll have the privacy we need there."

I nod my head as if I'm completely at ease with this and it isn't a big deal. But deep down I know I'm bullshitting my ass off. This is huge. Ana is coming to my place, to talk. To my house, where nobody outside of my family has been. And we will be there completely alone. Holy shit.

"Okay, we need to get back to your apartment first though. My car is standing there." I chuckle, making her giggle as well. How I wish that giggle was the only thing I heard. That giggle gives my memories so much more value.

"Alright, let's walk back. I'm excited to see your self-build-house." She smiles.

Me too, Ana. She has no idea.

* * *

The drive to my house is nice. Ana told me about her work and she also told me how Ava behaved at school which made me laugh. Apparently, she was shy at first, but after two times she got over it completely. It doesn't surprise me. Ava is the perfect mix of Elliot and Kate, and both of them are very loud and in your face. Ava is them combined times ten.

I've noticed that Ana is a little nervous as well, I recognize some of the things she does. She also did them in Italy sometimes and it makes me smile. It is nice to know that she hasn't changed that much. The way she bites her lip and fumbles with her jacket, I can remember how she did that when I took her to that cliff.

"Wow." I hear her say besides me the moment we are driving onto my porch. "You've built this?"

She looks at me like she doesn't believe me, and it makes me even more proud than I already am. This house is my safe haven, completely mine from the moment I bought the ground, and I know it is an impressive house. I'm proud that I've built it myself. And now she is here. Finally, I can show it to her.

"Yeah. Nice huh?" I smirk.

"Nice? Jesus no. This is more than nice. It is huge and it looks amazing. Do you live here alone?"

Her question makes me smile. I know she is asking it because my house is big, but I also think she is asking it because she wants to know if there is someone in my life. I completely understand that she is asking it, I did the same when she mentioned José. Fuck, did I have a heart attack or what. I'm still not very happy that she is living with a guy, even though he is gay. I just can't believe that he hasn't looked at her like I do.

"Yeah. Well, not completely. I live here with Bobby. He is my dog." I tell her while I open the door of the car. "Come on, I'll show you around."

"Is Bobby very big?" She asks when we walk to the door. I can tell she is a bit hesitant.

"Not really, he is a Bulldog. Why? Are you afraid of dogs?" I ask her, waiting with opening the door since I know that Bobby will be very excited to see me.

"Only the big, jumpy ones." She mumbles. "I once was greeted by a very large dog and he was very excited to see me. He jumped on me and I fell, and then he thought that I wanted to play with him and he was all over me. Like licking my face and stuff. I didn't really like it."

I can't help but laugh at her story. I feel the dog, truly. Completely understand him.

"Are you laughing at me?" She asks, her face also has a small smile on it so I know she isn't offended.

"Sorry. It is just the image of you on the ground with a very happy dog. Don't worry, Bobby isn't big enough to push you to the ground. I don't know how excited he will be to see you, but I promise he won't lick your face." I tell her while I open the door.

Immediately Bobby comes running to us, loudly barking as he does. It is the familiar sound of coming home.

"Hi, boy. Happy to see me?" I ask him, petting him behind his ears. His attention is already on Ana though. I can't blame him, the moment she walks into a place she just makes all the heads turn.

"Hello, Bobby," Ana says, her hand carefully stroking his head. Thankfully he doesn't jump up to greet her. It is like he feels that she is a bit uncomfortable around him.

I walk in further, grabbing Ana's hand to pull her with me. I am so excited to show her around and I also just want to hold her hand for a minute. I figured that since we are in my house now, I can.

"This is the living room," I tell her while we walk into the big, open living room. It has floor to ceiling windows to the right which gives a great view of the garden. Right next to the window, against the wall a is a big sitting area and to the left is the dining table. The wall across the couch has a fireplace with above it the tv and left from that wall is the kitchen.

"Wow. This is great. It is so open, yet cozy. Did you buy the furniture yourself?" She asks while she walks around.

"Yeah. I wanted it to be my style completely."

The walls are all white, but the furniture is mostly dark grey with wood and steel. It is industrial yet warm and I am happy that Ana describes it as cozy.

"Do you want to see the rest?" I ask her.

She smiles and nods her head. "If you want me to see the rest."

So fucking cute.

"Let's go," I tell her before offering her my hand again. She takes it without thinking twice and it feels like she has always been holding it.

The next fifteen minutes I walk her around my house, showing her the bathrooms, guestrooms, game room and home sauna. She is in awe of the place which is the biggest compliment she can give me.

"And this is the master bedroom," I tell her before opening the door to my bedroom and pushing her in.

She looks around, taking everything in. Since the master bedroom is on the ground floor, it also has floor to ceiling windows that cover the left wall and give a view on the wooded surroundings of the yard. The moment she looks at the wall where the bed stands, she gasps. And I hold my breath.

"Is that...?" She whispers, her eyes never leaving the wall.

"Do you recognize it?" I ask her. I know she does, but I want to hear her say it.

On the wall is painted a picture of Italy. The view you have when you stand on a cliff and looking over Piombino. The exact view Ana and I saw together when I took her out all those years ago. When I thought about Ana, I always thought about that place as well, so I decided to make sure I always could look at it.

"Of course I do. It looks just like I remember. How did you get it?" She asks me while she moves closer to get a better look.

"I went there two years after our summer together and took this picture. I needed to feel close to you and when I thought about you, I thought about that cliff. About what you told me there. It is a place close to my heart." I tell her honestly, my eyes never leaving her to see her reaction.

"You went back there?" She has turned around and looks at me with wide eyes.

I nod my head and move closer to her. I just can't stand this far away from her while talking about this.

"And you wanted to be close to me? After two years you still thought about me?" The sound of her voice is dripping with disbelief.

I nod my head again and stop moving when I stand right in front of her, only inches away from her.

"Not only after two years, Ana." I chuckle while my hand moves to her cheek on its own accord. "I have never stopped thinking about you, two years, six years and ten years later."

Her head moves to my cheek, obviously enjoying my touch. Fuck, I've missed her. I'd lost all hope in ever seeing her again. For years I have slept in this bed every night, looking at the view on Piombino and imagining Ana was right here with me. And now she is.

"Really?" She asks, now a smile on her face. That smile tells me that she feels the same. That she thought of me as well. I know she has, I can feel it.

"I still think about you. Every fucking day." I tell her before I can't control the urge to kiss her any longer. I need it like I need my next breath.

I slam my lips to hers, taking her by surprise. She doesn't push me away though, she instantly moves her arms around my neck and kisses me back. Just as hungry, just as passionate. My arms move around her waist, pulling her to me as close as it allows.

Our lips move in perfect sync, nipping and sucking while never moving away from each other. Her lips are soft, plump and a little shy, just like I remember. I let my hands move lower, so I can grab her ass, and the moment I do her mouth opens and she lets out a little moan. I immediately move my tongue in, searching hers.

I let my tongue stroke hers softly, trying to pour everything I feel into the rhythm of our kiss. She does exactly the same. The kiss is soft and slow, and absolutely perfect. It feels familiar, yet new and I know it will feel like that with everything else we will do.

Her hands go to my hair, her nails scratching my scalp as her little whimpers fill my room. I can't believe that it has been ten years. We are so in tune with each other, it's like we never were apart. This is how it should've been after we came back from Italy. Me and her. Together.

I feel Ana pull back from the kiss slowly and when I open my eyes, I see that she is already looking at me with hooded ones. She has a beautiful smile on her face and her cheeks are red.

"Me too. I've thought about you too." She whispers, her hands still in my hair. Her warm, soft body is still pressing against mine and I wish I could just get her out of her clothes and into my bed, but I know that we need to talk first. I want to talk first. After that, we'll see what happens.

"Let's go to the living room, I want to know everything you did in those ten years." I smile while grabbing her hand to pull her with me again.

"I really love that picture. You might need to give me a copy so I can see it whenever I want."

I nod my head and smile. I fight the urge to tell her that I will make sure she will see it often, while she is lying on my bed. Maybe while she moans my name.

* * *

"So, do you want to go first or shall I?" She asks when we are sitting on my couch in the living room. I got us both a glass of wine and the pizza we've ordered just arrived. It is the perfect setting for a romantic movie night, but unfortunately, we have other things to do right now.

"You can go first." I smile. I really need to know what happened to her.

"Okay." She says and sits up straight like she is preparing herself. "When I came back from Italy, my dad managed to get me transferred to my new school. Everything was settled and ready for my new start. I also started seeing a phycologist, Dr. Flynn, and I took self-defense training. Everything was focussed on giving me more confidence and getting over the trauma of being bullied and humiliated."

"But there was also something else. Something that hurt even more than all the things those girls did to me. Missing you, I couldn't handle it. The fact that I had to leave everything that happened in Italy behind me, I just couldn't do it."

I look at her and feel her pain. I have had that exact pain. It still makes me sick when I think about how it felt.

"The pain that was cost by bullying, the violence and missing you was so overwhelming, that I started searching for other things that could take the pain away. I needed something that could make sure I would stop the feeling. I needed an escape. And eventually, I found that escape in hurting myself." She says while she looks at her lap like she is ashamed.

"Fuck," I mumble. I'm holding her hand and squeeze it tightly. I have no idea what to say. The thought of sixteen-year-old Ana hurting herself because she misses me, it makes me feel horrible.

"Yeah. I first burned myself but after a while, that wasn't enough. I started cutting myself after that. Mostly on my upper legs and thighs. It gave me control over what I was feeling and it gave me the energy to move on. I knew from the beginning that it was stupid and dangerous, but it formed into an addiction." She says, her voice surprisingly steady even though I can see the emotion in her eyes. She is trying to be strong.

I want to grab her and hold her against me, but I have a feeling that she needs space while she tells me this, so I just keep holding her hand. If she needs me closer, she'll let me know.

"Of course, I didn't tell anyone about it. Dr. Flynn and my parents thought that I was moving up. Especially when I started at my new school and made some friends. José was nice to me from the beginning and we talked a lot. Mandy was one of his friends as well and they were both very welcoming. I felt like a normal person around them, and it was nice. I also got a little more confidence because of the self-defense training, so I did move upwards a bit."

"But when I was alone, everything came back. The way those girls had been treating me, how they would hurt me and you. And I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want them to worry about me. I thought that I could fight it alone, as stupid as it is. I really thought that eventually, the need to hurt myself would just stop."

"Until that one day." She signs. "It was on a Monday and I'd just finished school. I was walking on the schoolyard with José when I saw one of the girls that caused all the pain standing just outside the fence. She was waiting for me, and I walked over to her to ask her what she was doing at my school. We started talking, I asked her to leave at first. But then she humiliated me. She said horrible things to me and something inside me snapped. We started fighting. I don't remember who started it, but I do remember that I was winning. I kicked her so hard that she fell on the ground and that's when I lost it. I kept kicking her, hurting her, until José pulled me off of her because someone was coming. He told me to run and I did. I ran."

She looks at me, almost afraid. I hate seeing her like this. I hate that she has been through all that. I hate it that I wasn't there.

She moves closer to me so she is leaning against me and I wrap her in my arms. I'm happy that she is searching for comfort with me, I hope it makes it easier for her to talk to me.

"Eventually I called my dad and ask him to pick me up because I just wanted to go home. I felt horrible for what I did. I felt like the bully myself, and that was the last thing I wanted to be. I was so mad at myself, that I could only think about one thing. Taking back control. So when we came back home, I stormed out of the car without telling my parents what happened at school, and went to the bathroom." She says, her voice trembling.

I don't where this is going but I know it will be heavy. I wrap my arms around her tighter, and I wait for her to talk again even though I'm afraid of what she is going to tell me.

"Of course mom and dad were on my heels. They were knocking on the bathroom door while they begged me to open it. I didn't open the door, but I knew that I had to be fast. I grabbed the razor I always used to cut myself and before I knew what I did, I had cut open my wrist. My dad kicked in the door just after I did it. I knew that it was bad the moment I heard his reaction. It wasn't my intention to do something that drastic, I just wanted that control. But I felt myself slipping away slowly because I was losing so much blood." She is crying now, and I have no idea what to do or say.

The fact that she did this to herself, partly because she missed me, I can't believe it. She almost took her own life.

I feel her hand grab my hand and when I look down I see she is moving it to her wrist, where I see a small arrow tattoo appear.

"I got this after it healed. I hated the scar and I decided that it needed to be something else. Something positive. An arrow stands for moving forward and a positive transition. It seemed fitting." She says while she lets my fingers run over the scar. You don't see it since the tattoo covers the scar completely, but I do feel it.

"It suits you," I mumble against her hair.

She nods her head before she continues. "After I woke up, mom and dad told me that I needed intensive help. It was something that I knew was coming, and I wanted the help as well. I wanted to get better. The doctor at the hospital made sure I could go to a care hotel, in Kirkland. That's how I ended up in Washington."

My eyes widen at that. What the fuck. So all this time, she was in the same state?

"You were seriously just a few miles away from me and I didn't even know," I say, shocked.

She nods her head. "If only we knew. I have thought about you so much, about what it would be like if you were with me. If you were there to hold me and pull me through it. I needed you so bad."

She cuddles against me and for a moment we just sit like that. I'm trying to process everything she just told me but I keep seeing her lying on the bathroom floor, blood everywhere. She must've been so scared.

"Mom and dad made me promise to forget you. They needed me to move on and leave everything behind in Savannah. I didn't want to forget you, but I agreed because I wanted to get better. I told José what happened and where I was going because he was the only real friend I had. Two days later I was leaving everything behind." She says after a silence.

She doesn't mention anything about me calling her dad. He didn't tell her. He didn't tell her what he did.

Everything makes sense now. Her empty house, the ambulance her neighbor was talking about, and the conversation I had with her dad. And I wish I could say I understand why he did it, but I can't. She needed me, and he had the change to tell me where she was so I could be with her. He had the change to at least tell her that I was looking for her. But he made the choice to stay quiet and let her go through it all alone, without me while she needed me more than anyone else.

Rage is pumping through my veins. He kept her from me, deliberately, while his daughter fucking needed me. While we were both feeling miserable without each other. While I loved her.

I can't fucking wait to meet him again.


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: So happy with all your reactions to the date chapter. Part two is here and I hope you'll like it just as much, maybe even a little more. Tomorrow I'm not sure if I will be able to post, I have a very busy day at work and my best friend is celebrating her birthday, so I will be home late. I hope this chapter makes it up to you. Enjoy and thank you all so much for the support! Xx**

Chapter 34: Full disclosure.

We are still cuddled against each other, his arms around me and we just switched so now my back is against his chest. He is stroking the scar on my wrist while his face is buried in my hair. I feel completely content, but I can tell that Christian is tense. His heart is beating fast and his breathing is a little faster. He seems angry.

"What's wrong?" I ask him, turning my head so I can look at him.

He takes a breath and pulls me even closer against him.

"I just can't believe how much we've missed from each other. You have no idea how much I have missed you, Ana. It almost destroyed me and there were so many occasions that I almost lost my mind. I hate it that you went through everything alone." He tells me.

"Can you tell me about you now?" I really am curious as to how he ended up in construction, but now that he told me he never stopped thinking about me, I want to know everything.

He pushes me off of him and turns me around so I'm facing him. His face looks serious and sad.

"Ana, I need to tell you something." He starts, his hands are holding mine and his thumbs are stroking reassuringly.

"Why do I feel like what you are about to tell me isn't something good?" Shit, is he going to say that this was a mistake? Does he have a girlfriend? Is he mad at me for hurting myself? It could be anything, but I know it isn't good.

"The moment you drove away in that cab in Italy, I regreded it that I didn't ask you any information about where you lived or how I could contact you," He starts. His voice is low and emotional, once again a sign that this isn't a good story.

"It was like I was a zombie. I just hated myself for not giving what we had a chance to explore further. My sister saw it and we tried to get your information at the reception, but obviously, they wouldn't give it to us. The only thing she gave me was your flight number. I came after you, Ana. Mia and I got into a cab and drove to the airport, completely unprepared. Of course, I wasn't allowed to go through the costumes, and just minutes after your plane departed making me feel desperate all over again. But I tried to get to you."

I'm shocked and endeared at the same time. He wanted more, just like me. If only we both said it before I got on that plane. It all seems so easy now to just say what you feel, but it wasn't back then.

"The last week of my vacation was hell. Everywhere I went, I was reminded of you and our time together. Besides a few trips with my mom and dad and Mia, I mostly stayed in my room or at the gym. I was ready to go home and start college. I was convinced that it would be easy to get over you once I got home. Well, that didn't really work." He snorts before taking his wine. After he has a few good sips, he continues.

"Every day I seemed to miss you more. I thought about you constantly, didn't pay attention to anything else. When I moved into my dorm on campus, I had great roommates and there were plenty of parties that could distract me, but I didn't want to be distracted. I wanted to feel the pain because it was connected to you."

The things he says, it is exactly how I felt. Finally, after years, someone understands what I feel because he was there. It feels like I'm not alone in this anymore, even though I am stronger now.

"After a few days, Elliot was done with it and said that either I had to move on or make work of it. So I made work of it. A friend of Elliot, Rick, also lived in Savannah and we contacted him. I gave him all the information I knew about you, and he promised to look out for you. In the meantime, I tried finding you on the internet, but there was nothing out there, so in the end, I could only pray that Rick would find you."

"After four weeks, he finally had good news. Someone he knew went to your mom for her hair and talked about you. He managed to get your address. I was ecstatic, Ana. I saw it as a chance to make things right. I knew that there was a change that you had moved on, but I had to take that risk because I wanted to tell you how I felt so bad. I had to see you. So, the first weekend that we were free, Elliot and I got on a plane to Savannah." He tells me while his eyes never leave mine.

I am stunned by what he is telling me. Why didn't I see him? Was he there after I moved? God, I have so many questions right now. Before I can start asking though, Christian continues again, reminding me to let him talk first. Maybe he will answer some of the questions I have before I have to ask.

"We could stay at Rick's dorm which was only a small hour away from your house. When we arrived there, we had a shower and a quick lunch before we drove to your house. I was so nervous the whole drive, I had a whole speech prepared for what I was going to say to you. I had made plans to talk to you the whole day. I was happy I was so close to you, I instantly felt better knowing that you were near me."

"But when we arrived at the house, it was empty. Nobody was home and all the furniture was gone. It was obvious that nobody lived there. When we went to your neighbor and asked if she knew where you went, she told us about an ambulance that had taken you away, and my heart stopped beating. I still remember that feeling. I was scared and sad and above all frustrated and worried. I wanted to know what happened to you, but the neighbor didn't know. She didn't know anything. I was so lost." While he speaks I can hear the emotion in his voice, like he is feeling everything all over again. It hurts to see him like this and I want to let him know that I am here now.

I know it is a bold move, but I can't seem to stop myself from moving onto his lap. My legs rest on either side of his and when he looks up, our noses are almost touching. My arms go around his neck and his hands fall to my hips. This is exactly how we sat when we were on that cliff. When he comforted me.

"Your neighbor, she gave me your mom's number." He whispers softly, carefully watching my reaction.

I look at him with wide eyes. I feel that he is going to say something shocking. Something that will change things.

"Did you spoke to my mom?" I ask him, hoping and praying that she didn't pick up because she never told me about this.

He nods his head, his eyes still on me. "I did. I spoke to your mom and dad. I told them that I was in Savannah and that I wanted to see you. I asked them if I could talk to you and I asked if you were okay. Your dad wasn't that happy with all the effort I took though."

No. No. They didn't. They didn't do this. Please, let this be a joke.

"I kept asking questions, and in the end, he got annoyed with me. Mad even. He told me that I needed to stop looking for you because you had moved on and then he disconnected the call." Christian says while his hands grab my hips tighter like he knows that I want to move away.

"You had found me, and my parents made sure that you couldn't talk to me?" I have no idea why I'm asking him this because it is precisely what he just told me, but I need to be sure I understood it correctly.

Christian nods his head. "Your dad said he was saving me from trouble like he was doing me a favor. Even after everything you just told me, that doesn't make sense at all."

Why? Why did they do this? They lied. I feel so betrayed. Betrayed by my own parents. How could they do this to me?

"They made me swear I would forget you," I mumble in disbelief. All this time I thought they did that because they thought it was good for me, but now I am not so sure about that anymore. They kept me away from Christian, and him away from me. They knew he was looking for me and they didn't even tell me.

"I'm so sorry, Ana. I had no clues to where you were. I had no idea where to look for you. We even went to the police station and demanded information on what had happened, but of course, they didn't tell me anything. I couldn't search further because I didn't know anything." His face is buried in my neck by the time he finished talking. I can hear him breathing hard and I think that he is fighting his emotions. I rub his back, trying to comfort him while I think about what he just said.

My parents, my rocks during my whole time in the care hotel, lied to me. They never told me that the boy I was madly in love with came to look for me. They never mentioned that he was at our house, never told me that he wanted to talk to me. My mom held my hand when I cried myself to sleep because I missed him so much, and she never thought that it would be good to tell me. I feel sick.

"I can't believe they didn't tell me," I mumble, more to myself then to Christian. "I'm going to call them." I suddenly feel so much anger. I need to let it out. I want to tell them that I know, now, so that they will hear how furious I am.

I try to move off of Christian's lap, but he holds me against him, not letting me move away.

"Let me go," I tell him while I try to move his arms away from me but he is too strong.

"Just let it sink in for a moment. You are angry and I understand that. Believe me, I am too. But if you are calling your parents now, it will only get out of hand. Just stay with me for a second and think about how you want to talk to them about this. You can do it over the phone, but you can also confront then when you see them." He says.

I know he is right. I am way too angry right now to have a normal conversation.

"Maybe they had a good reason." Christian mumbles. I can instantly tell that he doesn't believe that and that he is only saying it because he wants to calm me down.

We sit like that for a few minutes, in silence, me on his lap. I try to think of a reason why my parents decided to do this, but I honestly can't think of a reason at all. I needed Christian and they knew it, yet they didn't tell me anything.

"Ana, I loved you. I didn't have the guts to tell you when you got in that cab, but I did. I loved you and I am so sorry that I couldn't get to you." Christian says, breaking the silence. His hands have found my cheeks and he is forcing me to look at him.

I knew he loved me. Or at least I hoped that he did. I felt it when I said goodbye to him.

"I loved you too. You were my first love." I tell him.

He smiles a small smile and for a second I see that boy from Italy. How he smiled at me when we watched the fireworks in his hotel room, it reminds me of how he smiles now.

His eyes look at my lips before they look up at my eyes again. I know he wants to kiss me again, and I want it too. That kiss we shared in his bedroom was a promise for more. And I want him to keep his promise.

So I lean down and capture his lips with mine. His lips feel different from how I remember. His kisses are rougher and more desperate. It is exactly what I need. His tongue is demanding and taking control over mine, and I let him. I want him to take me away. I need him to make me forget about the anger I'm feeling. I just need him because it has been too long.

"Christian," I mumble against his lips, trying to push him away for just a second.

"Mmhm." He murmurs. God, he is into it.

"Christian." I try to push him away again, this time succeeding. He doesn't look really happy about it though, which makes me smile.

"What?" He asks, his lips are red and his eyes are still half closed. He looks cute.

I move my hands in his hair before one hand moves to his cheek, letting my fingers enjoy his stubble. It is very nice and handsome. I like it.

"I want you. I want you to be the only thing I'm feeling right now. I want you to take me away." I tell him, using all my boldness. My cheeks are bright red and I think I'm almost biting a hole in my lip, but I've told him and by the way he looks at me, he is happy that I did.

His eyes have turned two shades darker and his hand is holding my hips even tighter.

"Are you sure? I mean, don't you think it is too fast? Don't get me wrong, I would love too, but I don't want you to feel pressured. I can wait. I'm just happy to kiss you and hold you close." He rambles. I think he is a bit nervous.

I smile reassuringly. "I have waited ten years, Christian. I don't want to wait any longer."

I slam my lips against him again, only to be pushed away by him this time. He grabs my chin while he is searching for my face, I think for any doubts.

"If we are going to do this, I need to tell you something first." He breathes.

I look at him and nod my head for him to continue. My breathing is heavy as well and I kind of hope that he won't be talking long.

"Since you, there hasn't really been anyone who... I mean, after you I couldn't... I just focussed on working out and work and I never..."

I look at him, eyes wide. For the second time this night I am shocked. Does he mean that he didn't have sex after me? With anyone? That can't be right. Look at him.

"Are you saying this because you think it is what I want to hear?" I ask him, still not believing him. He must've had sex after me. Look at him.

He shakes his head, his eyes are focussing on mine. "No. I'm saying it because it is the truth."

Oh my God. Look at him.

"But how? I mean, look at you. You must have women begging you to have sex with them all the time." I'm not thinking about what I'm saying, I just say what I think at this point, without thinking it through.

"And believe me when I say I tried when I was younger. Fuck Ana, I desperately tried to get over you and fuck every girl who even smiled at me, but I couldn't. I kept seeing you, and then I always realized how they were not you. When I was 22, I almost drunk myself into a coma and went home with a girl. The next morning I woke up in her bed, while she was sitting on a chair next to her bed, looking very pissed. Apparently, I had called her Ana the whole night and before we could even do the deed I fell asleep. After that, I kind off gave up." He chuckles, making me giggle as well.

"Are you telling me that you are not really that smooth boy I met in Italy anymore?" I giggle.

"Far from it."

I lean a little closer to his face and I make sure his eyes are locked to mine. "It is okay," I whisper, my lips almost touching his as I speak. "There hasn't been anyone after you either."

His eyes widen at my confession and his eyes turn even darker.

"So you are still mine?" His voice is low and dripping with lust. I can feel him press against me and I can tell that he likes the idea just as much as I like it that he hasn't been with anyone else.

I stroke his face. His handsome, gorgeous face. The one that I have missed so much.

"I have always been yours, Christian."

He doesn't waste any time and slams his lips on mine again. His kiss his hungry and full of passion. It screams want and lust, and even though the kiss is rough, I also feel love. It feels so good.

His tongue is sliding over mine like he knows exactly what I like and I feel his hands move upwards, over my ribs. One hand goes up to my neck while the other stops at my breast.

"God Ana, I have thought about this for so long. To be able to touch you and kiss you just like this." He mumbles against my lips before he moves down to plant little kisses on my neck. Sometimes he flicks with his tongue, giving me goosebumps. I have thought about this too, so many times.

I feel him move his lips lightly, searching for friction to no doubt ease the tension a bit. I start moving my hips against him, moving in little circles so I feel him right where I need him. José was right, this dress does come in handy.

He moans against my neck, giving it a delicious fiber that shoots right through my body. It makes my body clench and I can feel my nipples harden under my clothes. I want him to touch me, I need him to touch me.

My hands go to his chest and grab his pec muscles, squeezing them. I can feel them flex underneath my hands while he groans again.

"Ana, I want you in my bed." He mumbles. My whole body is on fire. His voice oozes pure sex.

I can only nod my head, I want him too and I don't care where. In one motion he stands, taking me with him and holding me by my buttocks as I wrap my legs around his waist instantly. He starts walking determinedly, his lips never leaving my throat where he is now nipping and sucking on my skin as well.

When we are half way on our way to the bedroom, he seems to need a pause, because he slams me against the wall in the hall and starts kissing my lips again. I respond enthusiastically, opening my mouth for him so our tongues can go crazy again.

After a few minutes, I let my lips drop to his neck so I can return the favor. I leave soft, open mouth kisses on his skin, taking my time to cover every spot while I feel him resume our journey.

"So good, Ana. Fuck, so good." He mumbles just as he kicks open the door of his bedroom. His hands are squeezing me so hard, I think he will leave marks on my skin.

Just as I almost kissed every spot of his neck, he pulls my head back so I can look at him. His breathing is heavy and I can tell he is trying to control himself. I know I probably look the same. My breathing is also heavy and I know I am flushed.

Very slowly, he sets me onto the ground, his hands moving up my body as he does until they reach my upper waist. When I am standing on my own feet again, he pulls me flush against him so I can feel everything. His hard muscles that are almost closing me in and his impressive erection against my belly. I lay my hands on his chest, where I feel his heart beating fast.

"I can't believe I finally have you here, in my bedroom while I can touch you. You have no idea how much I thought about this." He says while he looks at me like he is seeing me for the first time.

His gaze is so intense, it suddenly makes me shy and like I only now realize what is happening, the nerves kick in full force. We are going to have sex. After ten years, he will see me naked again. He will see everything, including my scarres.

"Nervous?" He asks me.

I nod my head, forcing myself to not look away from his intense stare. I won't hide. He can see all of me, he is allowed to know everything.

"I can feel you shaking." He whispers before he leans forward so his lips touch my cheek. "I'm nervous too."

I grab his shirt tightly and bury my nose in his neck, inhaling his scent for a moment in hopes it will help me to relax. His hands are stroking my back slowly.

"I love feeling you so close to me."

"Me too," I mumble against his neck, feeling him shiver as I do.

I pull back and kiss him again, slowly this time. I let my hands go down to the hem of his shirt and feel him already move up his arms so I can take it off. Our lips disconnect briefly so I can pull his shirt over his head before they find each other again, just as eager.

I let my hand roam his chest and belly, he is huge. Now that I have my hands on his skin, I am even more impressed by the muscles that are flexing underneath his skin. I want to look at him, so I pull away from him once again and my eyes widen.

Just under his chest, on his ribs on the right side, there is a black rose tattooed. Not too big, not too small. It's beautiful.

I let my fingers run over it, tracing the lines of the rose petals and taking it in. This makes him even tougher, more manly and more handsome.

"In Greek mythology, it stands for immortal love. I got it after my grandparents died." He tells me while he lets me touch the tattoo.

"My middle name is Rose," I tell him without thinking, still not able to stop touching the black flower.

I hear him chuckle and that's when I look up. His eyes are looking at me amused. "I didn't know that, but I'm even happier I got it now that I do." He smiles. "I got this one as a reminder of you, though." He says before raising his right arm.

On the inside of his upper arm, there is a sentence written in black.

Il sole, il mare e tu. Sempre.

"You got that to remember me?" I'm shocked. He got a tattoo to remember me. It means he really never stopped thinking about me. "What does it mean?"

"It's Italian. It means the sun, the sea and you. Always." He says and instantly tears appear my eyes.

"I remember that." I softly say, completely overwhelmed.

"Good." He says before he kisses me again, desperately.

His hands grab my dress and pull it up and over my head before he lies me on his bed, immediately hovering me. His lips never leave mine while his hands move over my body, exploring every inch of my skin. I feel like I'm on fire.

He moves his hips in a way so that his bulge is perfectly hitting my spot, the roughness of his jeans and the fabric of my panties don't even feel uncomfortable. It feels amazing and I can't help but move my hips to meet him in every trust.

His hand is holding my breast, his thumb flicking over the cup of my bra to stimulate my nipple. His other hand moves lower and stops at the top of my panties.

"I want to touch you, Ana. Can I?"

I can only nod my head and move my legs wider, giving him complete access. I am desperate for his touch and my core is throbbing.

His hands move into my panties and his finger immediately finds the right spot, making my upper body arch against his chest while I hold onto his arms. He rubs me in circles, just like I need him to and I can already feel myself building. His hips are moving against my leg, searching for the friction that he needs. I want him.

"So soft. Ana, I need you." He says just as I want to tell him the same thing.

My hands move down, over his chest and belly until they reach his jeans. I open the buttons at a rapid pace, eager to see him. To feel him. When I undid the last button, Christian helps me with lowering his jeans and boxer so that his member springs out.

My hand moves on its own accord, grabbing him and moving up and down. I still remember how I did this in Italy and I try to do it the same, hoping that he still likes it that way.

"You need to stop, Ana." He grunts and I know why he is saying it. He wants me and I want him as well.

"You look so big," I mumble. It is true. The way he is hovering over me right now, his chest and abs tense and his member out of his pants, I am afraid that it will hurt, even though I already had him inside me once. He looks way bigger now.

"I'll fit. You are made for me, baby." He says while he moves to sit on his knees so he can take off my panties. When he got them off he immediately moves over me again, his arms around my head like he is closing me in.

"Do we need a condom?" He asks. He is nipping the skin of my neck, making it very hard for me to think.

"I'm not on birth control." I manage to get out between moans of pleasure. God, he is so good.

He reaches for the cabinet next to his bed and opens the drawer, getting out a foil package. I look at him with a raised eyebrow. Why does he have them while he tells me he doesn't have sex?

He puts on the condom while he looks at me, a small smirk on his face when he sees my reaction.

"I got them after I saw you this afternoon, don't worry."

"You were very sure of yourself." I giggle. I'm happy that he got them because it means that we can do this.

"I was just hoping." He smiles before I feel his tip at my entrance.

"Please, be gentle. I think it is going to hurt all over again." I tell him honestly while I brace myself.

I feel him push forward, sliding into me slowly. The feeling doesn't hurt, it only feels a little uncomfortable.

"Just relax. It's me, I won't hurt you." He whispers.

I nod my head and feel him stretching me while he goes deeper. It brings everything back. Me and him in that hotel room. I can't describe what I'm feeling. It feels familiar yet completely new.

"God, so tight." Christian groans when he is fully inside of me. I can feel him shivering and I know he is already close to coming. I recognize it by the way he is looking at me.

He starts moving slowly, in and out, and even though it slightly burns, it feels amazing. I've missed him so much and everything feels a little surreal. I can't believe that we've found each other.

His thrusts become faster and a little harder and his breathing is heavier. "I'm coming. I'll make it up to you." He growls before I feel him tense.

He still looks so sexy when he comes. His eyes closed and his head leaning back while he whispers my name, like a plea. Ana.

I stoke his arms, seeing goosebumps rise and for a moment we stay still. Him inside of me, his eyes still closed while I look at him.

After a few moments, he abruptly pulls out of me and moves his head in between my legs. I blush at his sudden action, but I'm also very excited about what he is going to do.

"I am starving for you." He mumbles before I feel his tongue on my skin. He moves in circles and up and down, all kinds of movements that drive me crazy.

He sucks and licks my sensitive skin, holding my hips so I can't move them to feel more. I am so close, I just need a little more.

Christian seems to know exactly what that little more is, because the moment he pushes two fingers inside of me, I explode. My orgasm hits me hard and a little bit by surprise, making me squeal.

I try to move away from Christian's tongue, but he seems determined to get me through it, so I give over. I let him help me ride it out while I will my body to relax. His hands are stroking my hips lovingly and I feel the tension leave my body slowly.

How on earth did I manage to get through those ten years without him?


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: Love the reviews, even the SHOUTY CAPITAL one from the guest reviewer that has been reviewing all chapters of all my stories like that and I swear I've learned from it. I'm just curious as to what you find of the plot? Anyway, let's get on with the show! Enjoy and thank you for your patience! Xx**

Chapter 35: Tell me more.

"You have more hair than ten years ago," Her head lies on my chest and her fingers run through the hairs on my chest and the trailing hair down to my groin, caressing me softly.

I bury my nose in her hair again. I can't get enough of her smell. "Is that a good or a bad thing?"

"Definitely good. It suits you."

Her fingers move over my abs, down to my hip and back up to my tattoo. Her nails softly scratching as her finger wanders over my skin.

"I love this. I'm going to pretend that you got it for me. Because my middle name is Rose."

I chuckle at that. "If we wouldn't have been apart for ten years, I'm sure I would've gotten it for you."

Her hand moves downwards again, this time to pull lightly at the hairs below my navel. My dick appreciates it.

"Your body really is amazing. So hard and strong. You've really changed over those ten years."

I can hear she is sad about the ten years we've missed. I am too. Every time I think about it, I drive myself crazy by asking what if. What if we were able to continue seeing each other after Italy? What if I came to look for her just two weeks sooner, and I would've found her at her house? What if her dad told her about me?

And also the thought of what our life would be like now. Would we be married? Would we have children?

"How did you start Grey Constructions?" Her head is still on my chest, but she has moved so she can look at me. Her blue eyes shine and look at me curiously, eager for information.

"After I came home from Savannah, I felt miserable. I drowned myself in alcohol every weekend and wasn't paying attention at school. My mind always drifted away and back to you. Back to Italy. I messed up my tests regularly and I seemed to always disagree with professors. I got into discussions with them about stupid things, and of course, I always wanted to have the last word, frustrating them even more."

"I just couldn't handle missing you and it frustrated the fuck out of me that the one person who should've been helping you, shut me out. I didn't understand why your dad didn't want me to have contact with you, which made it even worse. I had no idea how you were doing, I knew about an ambulance and that after that you never returned home. I was so scared that you were dead or seriously injured. It drove me crazy and as a result of that, nothing really mattered to me. Alcohol seemed to be my best friend."

I look down and see her looking up at me with a reassuring smile although she also looks sad. I hate telling her this because I don't want her to think that she is the reason I grabbed the bottle and made it impossible for me to continue with my study.

"Eventually my results were so low, I couldn't continue. Mom and dad tried to talk to the board, but their decision was final. They said that there were hundreds of young, energetic people that wanted to take my place and work for it. So I had to stop. I'm telling you, the moment they kicked me off, I was happier than I had been in a long time. That whole thing, studying, it wasn't for me. I hated sitting still and reading books. I wanted to do things. Make things."

"So, I started helping people out with things that needed to get fixed around the house. It started off very small, just some painting jobs and making little defects of houses. It wasn't much but I made enough money to get by. One night, Elliot and I were talking about how we should start a real business, and built our own stuff. We both made a ground plan for our own house and we swore we would build it one day. We even drank to it. It started as a joke, but the next morning I called him and told him that I thought that we should do it."

"You made the ground plan of this house when you were that young?" She asks with wide eyes.

"Yeah. Well, the basics. I knew I wanted big windows that looked out over a big yard and a big kitchen. I wanted this to be a family house. You know, for when I would..." I stop talking when I realize what I am about to say, surprised by how easy it is to talk about this now.

"When you would start a family?" Her soft voice asks although it sounds more like a statement coming from her mouth.

"No." I chuckle, still amazed that I am saying it out loud now when for years I denied it. "When I would find you again," I tell her honestly. ''I have never doubted about the fact that you belonged with me, Ana. I knew that what we had, even for those two weeks, was more than what I would ever have with anyone else. I stopped looking for you and I gave up hope, but I never doubted that you were it for me. And a small part of me knew that we would eventually find each other again."

Her eyes show hints of tears and to hide it she starts leaving soft, small kisses on my chest. Her hand is moving up and down my abs, and I just want to pull her close and make her forget about the ten years we've lost but I know we need to talk more.

"The first year, we didn't really have a lot of clients. We mostly had small tasks like making a roof that leaked or fixing the barn, but once the year was over, we suddenly started to grow. A lot of people were recommending us, and soon we needed to hire people to cover all the work. Three years after we started Grey Construction, we were able to but this ground next to paying our employees." I continue with my story while my hand moves to her hair, massaging her scalp.

"Right now, we have a potential client who is willing to let us lead the building of a hotel. We have almost reached an agreement. When that happens, we will grow even more. Elliot and I have high hopes that it will mean that we can grow and expand our work area outside of Seattle and Bellevue."

"That is very impressive." She says after a short silence. "But what about your private life?"

I knew she was going to ask me this question. Of course, she wants to know what I did for fun, to relax. I just wish I could tell her something different. Something nice.

"My private life really was making Grey Constructions big. But when I did have free time, I mostly just drank too much and fell asleep. Sometimes worked out a bit in the gym. As you know by now girls really didn't get my attention anymore. Alcohol helped me to forget, to not feel anything. Only when I realized how drinking at night was affecting my ability to function during work, I promised myself to drink less. It was hard but I managed it, without help. Now I just drink a beer or two and a glass of wine, because I like it. Not because I don't want to feel anything."

"Honestly Ana, these last ten years have been the longest of my life. Without working and drinking, I wouldn't have survived them. And now that you are back and I see what I have missed out on, I feel like I should've searched for you even harder. I hate it that I stopped looking."

I can feel her crawling against me even more, almost as if she wants to be one with me. I pull her to me closer, enjoying the feeling although I can tell she is tense.

"My parents had no idea what they did when they didn't tell me. How much pain and hurt they caused. If we were together this wouldn't have happened."

She is blaming them for everything, and I wish I could tell her it is not their fault. I wish I could tell her that I would've done the same if it were my daughter, but I can't. I blame them too. I have cursed them so many times, hated them because they never gave me a chance.

"You did everything you could. This is not your fault. The only one to blame is my parents." Her voice is cold and dipped in anger.

For a split second, I question myself if I made the right decision to tell her since her parents helped her through those ten years. But when I remind myself of the fact that I could've been there too, all sympathy for them flies out the window. She is right and blames them I do.

"How did you get through the past ten years?" I want to know how she got better, I want to know everything I've missed and how she became the gorgeous woman I'm seeing now.

"When I got to the care hotel, I immediately started intensive therapy. I had three group sessions a week, with people that all had harmed themselves in the past. I also had private sessions with a psychologist, sometimes twice a day. They were there the whole day, so I could talk to them when I felt the need. I could have visitors whenever I wanted, and they organized activities that focussed on life after the therapy. For example, they let me help at a daycare for one day to see if I liked it because I had told them I might want to work with children."

"But the first two weeks were horrible. I really had trouble with processing what I did. The more I thought about how it felt to cut my wrist open, the more confused I got. I knew that it was dangerous and that I almost died, but that didn't stop me from longing to that feeling. I heard voices in my head, and they told me to hurt myself. Fighting them was the hardest thing I have ever done."

Her fingers still move over my skin, but I can tell her thoughts are far away. I can't imagine what she had to go through and for a moment I have no idea what to tell her because I know I can't take the memories away.

"I was there for five months. After those five months, they trusted me enough to go home and just go to therapy twice a week. My parents had bought a house in Kirkland, just a few miles from the care hotel. After another month at home, I started school again. I was a loner there, but people left me alone and I was happy about that. I could concentrate on school and I felt safe there. I didn't need any friends since I had José and Mandy. They proved to me that they were my real friends. They came to visit me once a month when I was still in the care hotel and continued doing that when I came home. I never went back to Savannah to visit them though, I couldn't."

"After I graduated, I got my Bachelor in Early elementary and special education. It took four years of hard work, but I loved it because I knew it was my calling. I love helping kids and I discovered that working with children from two to four was my passion. One of the women that came to my mother's hair salon told me that they were looking for a teacher at a pre-school in Seattle, and that is how I ended up there. I worked there for a few months when José and Mandy decided to move to Seattle and asked me to come and live with them. We are living there for almost two years now." She smiles, obviously happy with her current roommates.

I am happy that she told me what happened and that she healed, even though I want to know more details later on. I do feel like I need to ask her about something else since it is really got stuck in my head the moment she told me what happened.

"Ana," I start. "What happened with the girls that caused all the pain in the first place?"

I can feel her tense before she pulls away from me to sit up, her back against the headboard while she pulls the sheet over her body. She is distant all of a sudden and I don't like it, but I leave it for now since she apparently needs some space while she tells me this.

"Their names are Leila, Lisa, and Susannah. From the beginning, the police told me that I could press charges. First I didn't want to do it because I wanted to focus on myself and on getting better, even though my parents didn't agree. They talked to me for hours sometimes, about how I would prevent them from bullying someone else if I did press charges. I really didn't want to do it, but after I got a little more peace for myself and had a few sessions, I realized that I was a victim and that they needed to be stopped. I didn't want them to hurt someone else the way they'd hurt me. So I told my parents they could press charges, in name of me. I didn't want to do it myself since I still wanted to focus on getting better, but I gave mom and dad all the information and talked to the police. They went to court in Savannah and won. Lisa and Susannah had to volunteer in a mental hospital and were suspended from school for a month. Leila however, got kicked out of school and needed to volunteer at a suicide prevention lifeline so she could see what bullying could cause. I have no idea what they ended up doing now." She says. The sheet is pulled up to her chin like she is hiding from me.

She is talking in a way that is different than before. It's like she doesn't really care, which I find strange. These girls have ruined her teenage years, and yet she sits here like she doesn't care what happened to them. Like she is still afraid of them.

"Aren't you regretting it that you didn't go there yourself? That you didn't stand up to them in person?"

She looks at me for a moment but her eyes show me nothing of what she feels. "At the time I couldn't. I was too weak, emotionally and physically. I needed to heal and put myself first. It wouldn't have made a difference if I was there anyway, they got their punishments and I hope they didn't do it to anyone else ever again. There is no use in thinking back on it, even if I might regret not going now. It happened and in the end, they got punished and I got better."

We stay silent after that. I'm trying to think about how to respond to her sudden mood change. By the way she is acting, I feel like Ana still hasn't gotten over these girls. Not the way she claims to be anyway. But I just decide to let it go for now. She has told me so much already and I don't want this mood to ruin the rest of the night. We'll talk about it another time.

"Hey, come here." I sit up slightly while I pull the sheet off of her. She doesn't hesitate and immediately lies down next to me, her arms around my neck.

We cuddle for a few minutes before I decide that it is my turn to let my hands wander. Since I couldn't wait to be inside her the first time, I intend to take it slow now. Starting by properly undressing her, since she is still wearing her bra.

"I want to see you, completely," I tell her while pushing her onto her back. "Can I take your bra off?"

She nods her head while her cheeks turn pink again. I love it when she blushes. It reminds me of the Ana I met in Italy.

I pull her up slightly so I can unhook the clasp of her bra before slipping it off of her. Her breasts are a little fuller then I remember and they look amazing. My dick is immediately twitching and I need to keep myself from latching onto her pink, hard nipple. Fuck, what a vision she is.

I push her onto the bed again and lie next to her on my side, facing her. My hand moves to her cheek, where I let my fingers trace her skin before they move over her lips, down her chin and neck to her breasts.

"Your skin is just as soft as I remember," I state. I'm planning on telling her exactly what I think, just like she did with me before we started talking.

I let the tips of my fingers run over her left breast until I reach the center. My fingers move in circles around her pink nipple, making her gasp and arch her back slightly. She still is very sensitive and aware of my touch. I like that.

I let my hand move a little lower, over her ribs, making her giggle softly. "Ticklish?"

She nods her head, a smile still on her face. "Only a little."

I smirk and let my hand continue its journey, passing her bellybutton, only to stop when I reach her pubic bone.

"You seem to have less hair than ten years ago." The smirk can't seem to leave my face and it's making her blush even heavier.

"Christian," She giggles while her hands cover her face, obviously embarrassed although I have no idea why.

"Don't hide, Ana. I love it." I tell her, my hand still lightly caressing her soft pubic bone.

She pulls her hands from her face, her eyes bright and happy. I'm glad that I changed her mood. "Mandy ordered me to shave."

"Did she now?" I chuckle, still letting my fingers touch her skin. "Why did you listen?"

She shrugs and looks at the ceiling for a moment before looking back at me. "I was curious and I thought that you would maybe like it more when I was bare."

"You shaved your pussy for me yet you accused me of being sure of myself when you saw I bought condoms?"

Sexy, little thing.

"Yeah, well, I was hoping too." She bites her lip and tries to be annoyed with me, but I can tell she isn't. Her smile is fighting to break through.

I let my hand go down further to her thighs. I saw her scars when I went down on her, but I chose to ignore them then because we were both lost in pleasure. Now, I feel like it is a good time to acknowledge them.

I let my fingers run over the small scars, some are bigger than others and they are mostly on the inside of her upper legs. Touching them makes my heart clench. I hate that she felt the need t mark her skin like this, hate it that it caused her so much pain. But above all, I hate it that I wasn't there to prevent her from doing it.

"I know they aren't really pretty to look at, but they are a part of me now. I've learned to love them over the years. They remind me to be strong in times I feel weak. They tell me to never let it get that far again." Her hand moves to my hair as she speaks, playing with it like she needs to comfort me.

I move down so my face is level with her upper legs. I have this huge need to kiss them and make her forget about the pain, even though I know they don't hurt anymore. I need to show here that I'll love them too, that I don't hate them.

"Every part of you is gorgeous, Ana. I love your body, marked or not." I whisper against her skin while my mouth moves over each scar, kissing it softly. I start at the lowest scar and work my way up until I reach the top.

Ana's breathing is heavy and I can see the goosebumps rise under my lips. Her other hand flies to my hair as well, making sure that my lips don't leave her skin.

"Show me." Her breathy voice softly fills my room and I know what she wants instantly. Her hands guide my head slowly to where she needs me the most, and I'm fucking glad she asks me to show her, but I would've done it anyway. Her smell is mouthwatering and I feel the unstoppable need to make her feel good.

I run my nose over her, inhaling her scent before I let my tongue take the same path. The soft moan she let's out feeds my need to taste her and I let my tongue run through her slit to give her what she wants.

Her skin is so soft, like velvet on my tongue. I need to bury my face in her heat, I want her arousal all over me so I still smell her when she pushes me away.

I grab her legs and push them open as far as she allows so she shows me her perfect, pink pussy. Wet and waiting, begging for my tongue.

"I have dreamed about this so many times, Ana. You, spread open for me, to have my way with you. Fuck, you are ao sexy." I groan, my chest vibrating as I do. My need for her comes from so deep, I have never felt anything like it and I know it has nothing to do with not having sex for ten years. This is all her. The effect she has on me, it will always be this raw, even if I've had her for a whole month. It will always feel like this.

"Please Christian, touch me." She is begging, and as much as I like it, I will give in without teasing this time. We both need it too much.

I dive forward and let my tongue purposely go for its goal. Determinedly I move over her little nub, making her scream out while her grip on my hair turns stronger. She starts to move her hips in my face, showing me exactly what she wants.

This Ana is not the shy girl from Italy. This is desperate Ana. She is desperate for me, for my tongue, for my hands. Her moans are sexy as hell and my dick is almost exploding the moment I look up at her. Instead of her head back and eyes closed like I expected her to be, I find her looking right at me, following every move I make. Her eyes are dark blue and her cheeks are pink. Her mouth slightly open and the tip of her tongue peeking out just a bit.

Fucking sexy. Fucking beautiful. Fucking mine.


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: Are we ready for the confrontation?! Not keeping you any longer. Let me know the thoughts and enjoy! X**

Chapter 36: Love is the reason.

The moment I wake up, I feel his arms around me. My back is pressed against his chest and we are both naked. His warm skin is touching mine, giving my whole body tingles. I feel his breath on my shoulder and I wish I could just lay like this forever. Him and me in between these sheets.

But we can't, and I am reminded of that fact when I hear my phone buzz yet again. It woke me and the person that is trying to call me is very persistent since it hasn't stopped going off.

I reach for my phone, that lies on the nightstand to my right. Since I took out my lenses yesterday before we went to sleep, my vision is very blurry but after two tries I've found my phone.

"Hello?" My voice sounds raspy and sleepy, not weird at all since it isn't even 7 yet.

"Oh no, you didn't. You dirty little tramp. Miss 'he just wants to catch up and have dinner'. Dinner my pretty behind."

Oh God, just what I need, José hearing me out.

"I told you that shaving would be necessary!"

Even better, José and Mandy. Together. While it isn't even 7 yet.

"Hi. Why aren't the two of you sleeping?" I mumble softly. I don't want to wake Christian, who is still softly snoring behind me.

I hear them giggle before Mandy speaks up. "Well, I woke up because I had to pee and I noticed that your bedroom door was open. When I peeked in I saw that you weren't fast asleep in your bed. As a matter of fact, your bed hasn't been slept at all, young lady."

"And then she woke me, of course. And then we called you because we wanted to know if you were okay." José states.

"Well, I'm okay." Since that is what they wanted to know, I leave it at that.

"And?" Damn José.

"And you woke me up by calling while it isn't even 7 yet. On my free Saturday." I sign. I really do not want to have this conversation now.

"Angie," José whines. "Have you and Christian made up for the lost time?" I can practically see his eyebrows wiggle.

"Yes, I had fun, thank you for asking. We talked a lot. And I stayed over because it was getting late." I really hope they just let it go and let me go back to sleep.

No such luck though, because now it's Mandy's turn. "Did you two do it? I mean, you owe us at least that Angie. We have spent years telling you about our dates, please return the favor. Has he said hello to you properly?"

I roll my eyes before I close them and lay my head on the pillow again. I know they will not let this go until I've told them something.

"He did. More than once which is why I really need some sleep right now." I whisper, hoping and praying that I didn't wake up Christian. José and Mandy start screaming so hard at my confession though, that I am sure he is awake now.

"Oh Gawd, finally hun. So happy that he took care of that cobweb down there. How was it?"

"Jesus, stop it. I'm hanging up now. Love you both. Go back to sleep. Bye." I hang up the phone immediately. I will not talk about that with them while Christian can hear everything. I know he is awake, I felt it by the way he moved just seconds ago.

I place my phone back on the nightstand, only moving my arm to do so. My eyes remain closed and I hope that Christian thinks that I don't know he is awake and just goes back to sleep.

"You have very energetic friends." I can hear the amusement in his voice. His raspy, low, sexy voice. God, I really missed out those ten years.

I switch to my other side so I can look at him, even though I don't really see him sharp. I should've brought my glasses with me.

"Sorry I woke you. I tried to be quiet. They were worried because I didn't come home last night." I explain, my hands moving to his chest, not able to not touch him any longer.

He feels the same need because his arms go around me to pull me against him, my face just inches from his. His nose is running in circles against mine and it feels so familiar that for a moment I pretend that I woke up hundreds of times just like this.

"That's okay. They are allowed to know that I'll take care of you." He is smirking. He heard everything and now I'm blushing. I really hope it is too dark for him to see.

"They could've called a little later for that. I'm still groggy." I push my face in his neck. "I wasn't ready for the night to end."

We lay like this for a few minutes. My face buried in his neck while his hands stroke my back. I can feel my eyes turning heavy again and I'm almost giving over to sleep when Christian's whisper pulls me back.

"Do you have plans for today?"

I think about it for a second. Tonight we have Mandy's surprise party, and I wasn't planning on doing anything during the day but after what he told me yesterday, that has changed.

"I'm going to visit my parents," I tell him. I instantly feel the anger and disappointment coming back. Why did they do it?

I can feel his heart picking up speed while his hands stop stroking my back. I think he is wide awake all of a sudden.

"Are you going to confront them with what I told you?"

I nod my head against his neck. "I am. Do you have any plans for today?"

I can feel him shake his head. "No. Nothing important. Why?"

"If you want, I would like for you to come with me. I want to confront them and I want you to be there. I thought that maybe we first could just tell them that we found each other again and see if they will tell us themselves. If they don't, I will tell them that I know."

I want to give them one more change. Not to make it right, but to be honest, even though it is way too late now. Surely they understand that Christian and I need an explanation as to why they did it. They owe us that much.

Christian is silent for a moment before he pulls my head back to make me look at him.

"If I come with you, I want to set something straight." He starts seriously. "I want to be in your life, Ana. Permanently. I want you to be mine. I've waited for ten years to ask you this and I'm not waiting any longer. Will you be my girl?"

Even in the dark and without glasses, I can see the intensity in his eyes. They sparkle like he already knows my answer. I know I'm probably smiling like a lovesick puppy, so it really is not very hard to guess my answer.

"I will. I'm yours." I feel tears in my eyes when I answer him and I know he feels the emotions as well. We are both thinking about how he should've asked this question years ago.

"Finally." He mumbles before his lips find mine and take me away in a very passionate, loving kiss.

Things are heating up quickly, and suddenly sleep is the last thing that is on my mind. His hands seem to have the power to make me forget everything around me. It is a very welcomed distraction though because I know today will be very emotional. I have no idea how my parents are going to react or what their explanation will be.

"Come back, Ana. Come back to me and leave it for now. Just focus on my hands and mouth." Christian mumbles against my skin before I feel him take my nipple into his mouth.

I do exactly what he says, I let everything go. For now, it is just him and me in between these sheets. Just a little longer.

* * *

I was so sure of everything when Christian was driving us to Kirkland. I was so sure of just pretending I was so excited to tell mom and dad that Christian had found me. To wait for their reaction and to give them a chance to tell me what they had done. But now that I am standing in front of their door, everything seems to fade.

I'm not sure if I can act like everything is okay. What they did, it hurts so bad. They kept him away from me while they knew how much I needed him, how much I loved him. And I can't think of any reason as to why they did it. I can't imagine that anything they will say, will make me understand. I'm angry, confused and above all disappointed.

Just seconds after I knocked on the door, mom opens it with a smile on her face. A smile that instantly disappears when she sees me standing next to Christian. In just seconds all the blood flowed from her face and she suddenly looks deadly pale.

"Hi, mom." I greet her, surprisingly happy considering my feelings.

"Hi, honey." She mumbles, her eyes never leaving Christian, who is standing in front of the door a little uncomfortable.

"You remember Christian, right?" I ask excitedly which is causing me a lot of energy.

"Yes. Yes, of course. Christian, what a surprise. How are you?" Mom answers. Her outstretched hand moves in Christians direction which he takes politely.

"Mrs. Steele, I'm okay. Better now that I've finally found Ana again." Straight to the point. God, he is pissed and he doesn't even make an effort to hide it.

Mom smiles a forced smile. "Well, come in, I can't wait to hear how you've found each other. This is really an unexpected surprise. Dad is in the living room."

We walk through the hall and into the living room, where I immediately spot my dad in his favorite corner of the couch. He is already looking at us when we come in, I think he heard us talking when we stood by the door.

"Hi sweetie, what a nice surprise." He says while standing from the couch with a smile on his face. "And you've brought a guest I see. Christian, how are you?"

His attitude and behavior surprises and confuses me. Either he is acting this, or he seriously doesn't have any idea of what he did.

"Mr. Steele. Wish I could say that I'm good. I think you'll understand that since you needed to miss your wife a lot when you went on a mission. You know like no one else how it feels not being able to kiss the love of your life goodnight." Christian really is not going to play along with me, so I kind of think I have no choice but to confront them with what I know.

"I certainly do. Fortunately, you don't understand how it feels to see your only daughter fighting for her life because she felt the need to end it." Dad counters while he stands from the couch, chest out and heads up. I feel like I'm standing in between two furious bulls. Christian is radiating rage and dad tries to stay calm, but I can tell he is mad as well. I'm not really sure why though.

"Why don't we all sit down. I think we should talk." Dear mom, always trying to figure things out peacefully.

I grab Christian's arm and pull him with me to take place at the couch as far as possible from dad. I really think Christian will get to him if I don't.

"So, I'm guessing you told Annie what I said during that phone call?" Dad asks while he sits back on the couch as well. Mom is taking place next to him and I am suddenly in a position that I really don't want to be in.

Before Christian can answer that one, I speak. I have a feeling that it is better if Christian just stays quiet for a second.

"He did, and when he told me, I was speechless. I felt betrayed and angry. But now that I have thought about it a little longer, the feelings that take the upper hand are sadness and disappointment. I'm here because I want to give you a chance to explain." My voice is surprisingly steady and even a little emotionless. I expected to cry the moment I would open my mouth. So far, so good.

Dad is looking at us, and I'm having trouble reading his expression. I think that defensive comes closest.

"What did he told you?" The nod dad gives Christian while he speaks, pisses Christian off even more. I can feel him tense.

"The truth. How you refused to tell me what happened to her. How you didn't tell me where she was or if she was okay. How you told me that she had moved on. You deliberately kept her away from me, like I was some kind of murder while the only thing I wanted was to love her." Christian is fuming. When he told me what happened, he wasn't as angry as he is now. It's like seeing my dad is his red flag.

Everybody stays silent for a moment. Mom is sadly looking at the ground, her hand on dad's leg. Dad keeps looking at Christian, never blinking like he is participating in a stare down.

"Why?" My soft voice fills the room. I can hear the hurt in it, but I also sound demanding.

"Annie," Dad begins. "You have to understand my position at the time. Just a few days earlier, I had found you on the bathroom floor, blood pouring out of your wrist while you slipt away. You almost died that day, your mom and I were so scared."

Mom starts crying softly while dad his arm moves around her shoulder to comfort her. They look so in tune with each other. I want that for Christian and me.

"When we found out that you were hurting yourself for much longer, I felt like I had failed you. I couldn't understand how I hadn't seen how unhappy you were. How mixed up things were for you. Seeing you in that hospital bed, looking so pale and small, I still have nightmares about that."

"When you woke up and told us what was going on in your head, I was determined to keep everything that had hurt and confused you away. I vowed to myself that I would keep everything that caused it away because I wasn't going to lose you. Not over those girls that had made your life a living hell and not over a boy you knew for two weeks."

I can tell dad is still as determined about it as he was back then. His fists are clenching and his demeanor oozes force. He doesn't think he did anything wrong.

"When you agreed to go to Kirkland, it gave your mother and I hope. We were so happy that you wanted to live, that you wanted to fight the demons. And we were going to help you. Kirkland was going to be your new start, with only positive things that surrounded you."

Mom is nodding her head in agreement, standing by her man, even though she is showing more remorse than dad.

"You have to understand, Annie. Your mom and I left everything in Savannah behind, to get you better. I asked for a transfer, which I didn't get easy I might add. And your mom left behind all her customers to start all over in Washington. We needed your full attention and complete energy. We needed to get you better."

"So, we asked you to leave everything behind, including the boy that had given you a nice summer. You were sixteen, had never been in love and you knew him for two weeks yet he consumed your mind. And on top of all that, missing him almost cost you your life. I had to ask you to leave him behind as well because I wasn't going to lose my daughter over a silly summer romance."

Tears are streaming down my cheeks as well. Anger, frustration, guilt. I'm feeling so many things right now, it is overwhelming.

"And you never thought that he could help me? That the fact that I was consumed by him could have been a positive thing if he was around? The fact that he was my first love and that I couldn't forget him, didn't give you the idea to go look for him?" I feel Christian pull me against him which is very welcomed. I need to calm down.

"Christ, Anastasia. And take the risk that the boy was already moving on? Maybe even forgot who you were? No chance in hell. That would've knocked you right back down. You needed my full attention, not searching for some boy that drove your mind crazy."

"But I had found you. I called you. You didn't have to go searching for me. I was there and you just ignored that." Christian speaks up, partly because he can't stop himself any longer, partly because I am not able to talk for a moment.

Dad signs while he runs his hands through his hair. For just a small moment I see he feels defeated, but it's gone in a flash.

"And what did you expect from me? That I would be ecstatic to know that you wanted to see her? That I would've just given you the address so you could kiss her and everything would be okay? Hell no. I didn't know you and we had just moved to Washington where my little girl was getting intensive therapy to work on herself because she had suicidal thoughts that almost won. How did you see that going anyway? You would visit her once a month? That would only make her depressed for the rest three and a half weeks. I wasn't going to take any risk, not even when I knew she missed you. For all, I know you would be done with Ana in three months and that would have been the nail to her coffin. Ana needed to get better, by herself. Without any distraction."

"I wasn't ever going to leave her." Christian counters, not as forceful as before though. He seems a bit taken back by dad's story.

"But I didn't know that for sure now did I?" Dad replies just as fast.

Silence fills the living room again. The only thing you hear are sobs that leave me and mom. The raging bulls have calmed down a bit and I think everybody needs a moment to process everything.

"Don't you think it should've been my own decision?" I ask weakly. I already know dad's answer.

Dad chuckles before he shakes his head. For a moment I think he is laughing at me, but then he speaks again.

"Annie, you would've chosen him over yourself. I couldn't let that happen, not even if it would've made you feel a little better. I couldn't take the risk. Sometimes parents need to make decisions for their children, and it was my task to step in at that moment. Even if the consequence is that you break the heart of the two most important woman in your life." He says while he looks at mom. "I vowed to be there for you and make sure nothing could distract you from getting better. You needed to fight the battle with your demons alone in order to get stronger."

Dad is emotional as well, and it breaks my heart. He did it because he loved me. And he did it because he truly thought that it was the right thing to do. Sadly, it has made sure that Christian and I lost each other for ten years.

"And why the hell didn't you tell her when she was better?" Christian obviously doesn't see it the way I do. He is still very angry.

"Keep the manners in check and think before you talk to me like that, boy," Dad growls. God, these two are like two lions fighting for pride and honor.

I can feel Christian wants to shoot up from the couch. I'm just in time to grab his arm tightly to prevent him from going at my dad.

"Relax. I'm here." I mumble against his shoulder in hopes to calm him down which after a few deep breaths, he does.

"Why didn't you tell me, dad?"

"You never talked about him anymore. You loved your study, enjoyed going to school, found good friends in José and Mandy and you seemed happy and you were healthy. I thought that you had moved on. So I didn't tell you because I had no idea what you could get out of that information."

Again silence consumes the room. I have no questions anymore, and I have to say that even though I hate it they he felt the need to do it, I do understand him. He was scared to lose me. He had seen me at my worst, and he wanted to save me.

"I think we need tea." Mom eventually says, surprising all of us. Mom and her tea, she seems to be convinced she can create world peace with tea.

Dad stands from the couch to follow her to the kitchen. "I'll join you."

I watch them walk away, dad his hand on mom's back. I can tell they need a few minutes together, just like Christian and I. The moment they disappear out of view, Christian's arms wrap around me and pull me against him, his nose in my hair while he inhales deeply.

"Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I almost lost control." He sounds out of breath and his chest is moving up and down rapidly like he just ran a marathon.

"It's okay. I understand you." I move my head up so I can look at him. "But I understand my dad too." I hate to tell him this because I don't want him to think I'm choosing for my dad, but I really understand the way dad thinks.

Christian looks at me indignantly, his eyes full of fire. "How can you understand that he made sure we wouldn't be together?"

God, how do I explain this to him without hurting him? This is so hard.

"Look," I start nervously. "You weren't there. You haven't seen me on that bathroom floor. We can't know what my mom and dad felt at that moment because we don't have kids, but I do know that I was more dead than alive. And all my dad wanted was to get me better. He made a horrible decision because of it, but I truly believe he didn't do it because he hates you. He did it because he loves me."

Right after I said it I bury myself in his chest again, clinging onto him like I'm afraid he will push me away. He doesn't though, he just wraps his arms around me again and crushes me against him even harder. I hope it means he isn't mad. I don't have time to ask him that for sure though, because mom and dad are walking in just as I want to pull back.

They sit on the couch across from us again and I try to move out of Christian's arms, but he doesn't let me. He just lets me sit up a little more so I can look at my parents, but his arms never leave me. He is obviously sending a signal to my parents here, and it makes me blush.

"Sweetheart," Mom starts, her look soft and sweet. "You have to know that everything we did, we did it because we love you more than anything else. We were scared and had no idea if you could fight it. If you would end up better. You have no idea what it feels like to see your child like that, and I pray to God that you never will know. We just did what we thought was best for you, at that time."

"Of course, now that I see you two sitting here like this," Mom nods her head to us before she chuckles. "I understand why you two don't like it."

Sweet mom, she always has the power to make me smile, even in situations like this.

"I understand that too, but I'm not sorry. I did it because I love you, Annie and I still agree with my decision. You can hate me for it, but I would do it again in a heartbeat because in the end you got better and you did that all by yourself. You don't need anyone to lean on, you are a strong and independent woman and I am fucking proud of you. So, I'm sorry if you can't understand it, and I'm sorry if your boy over there wants to hate my guts for it, but I know we did the right thing. Christian being there wouldn't have solved everything and you both know that." Dad says before grabbing his tea from the table.

I wiggle myself out of Christian's arms and sit up so I can grab my tea. Christian doesn't move an inch, so I decide to hand him his tea as well.

Silence, again. And you can cut the tension with a knife. I think we all need to think about this and talk about it some other time. I know Christian is too angry to even think right now, and dad is too angry to do anything else than defend his actions.

"I think we need to go," I say when Christian and I have both finished our tea. "We all need some time, I think."

Dad only nods his head, his facial expression is still angry. Christian immediately stands, eager to get going to no doubt blow off some steam. It makes me sad, but I hope they will both think about everything later on. Mom had a sad smile on her face as well and I know she is thinking the same thing.

We walk to the door, mom and dad follow us as we go so they can say goodbye. At least dad isn't stubborn enough to just wave from his place on the couch.

"Bye, dad," I say while I give him a hug. I need to make sure he knows that I just need a little time.

"Bye, Annie. I truly did it because I love you." He sounds defeated now like he is already thinking everything over and suddenly doubts it. I know he will never think he did it wrong, but at least he is thinking about it.

"Bye, mom." I give her a hug as well and then turn to look at Christian. He is standing behind me like a stubborn eight-year-old, refusing to say goodbye to a girl he secretly likes.

I nudge him with my elbow so he knows that I'm not leaving if he doesn't say goodbye. He needs to be the grown up here since dad is just as stubborn. They have no idea how much they actually are alike right now.

"Right," He says while clearing his throat. "Carla, goodbye."

He shakes moms hand and then turns to dad. His hand outstretched as well, which thankfully dad takes.

"Ray," He nods.

"Christian," Dad replies before pulling him a little closer. "I'll make sure to speak to you in a few years when you have a little girl of your own. I have a feeling that I'll be around for that and I look forward to you telling me how much you understand me."

Christian just rolls his eyes and pulls his hand from dad's before he walks out of the door to his car. Dad looks at me knowingly before giving me a wink. I think he knows that I understand it a bit more than Christian.

I wave and then walk to Christians car, which is already turned on and ready to go. The moment I close the door he drives away, making me roll my eyes. Such a stubborn teenager.

"Are you mad at me?" I know he isn't, but I just want to make sure.

"No. I just need to think about everything. I'll never be mad at you about this. Never." He grabs my hand and kisses my palm to give his words more force.

I nod my head and look out the window for a moment before I suddenly realize what dad just said to Christian.

"At least dad thinks that you and I will have children together. That means he doesn't hate you. That's good, right?"

Christian shrugs. "I could've told him that over the phone all those years ago."

I just roll my eyes. Christian is obviously not ready to have a conversation like a grown up right now. But it is okay, I know he'll just need some time.

Both Christian and dad need to get over it sooner or later though because my dad will always be my hero, how bad he might fuck up. And Christian will always be the person I choose. He is the one I'm spending the rest of my life with because I have missed him for too long already.

Christian moves my hand to his lips again, his eyes never leaving the road. "I love-"

"STOP!" I yell, making him hit the break a little too enthusiastically.

"What the hell?!" He yells back, obviously shocked.

"Are you kidding?" I ask him, eyes wide. "Pull over. Now!"

He looks at me questioningly, like I've lost my mind, but he does as he is told. Her steers the car off the road before he turns down the engine and looks at me.

Before he can ask me what the hell I'm thinking, I unlock my seatbelt and climb onto his lap.

"You are not telling me that for the first time while you can't look at me. I have imagined you saying this for ten years, and I want you to have your full attention on me."

Christian chuckles and puts his arms around me while he shakes his head. "God damn it, and I thought I was about to hit a wild bear or something." He chuckles.

I keep looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to say it again. He sees my face and smiles a sweet, adoring smile.

"Ana," He starts, he nose rubbing against mine and his lips inches from my own. "I love you."

"I love you too." I smile before slamming my lips against his.

This will be a story to tell the kids.


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: First of all; thank you so much for all the kind messages! It is overwhelming to read all of them. Thank you so much. Fortunately, I feel better. My wrist is still in a cast, but it doesn't hurt anymore. The headache is still here, some days worse than others, so every day is a bit of a gamble. My husband and parents are helping me a lot with the kids, and I still don't go to work, so I can take plenty of rest. It takes a while to edit chapters when I can only use one hand, and I still can't look at screens longer than a few minutes a day, but I really wanted to post this chapter. It is a thank you for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. I can't promise you when I'll post again, but I'm trying to do it as much as possible. Thank you all for your patience and I hope you enjoy this one! Much love xx Milou.**

Chapter 37: Outburst with pleasure.

"Do we need to talk about everything that happened?" She asks me while we walk into my house, Bobby happily greeting us while his tail excitedly swings from left to right. We've just talked to her parents and I honestly just want to have a drink. A strong drink.

I had imagined that this talk would go completely different. I expected that Ana was just as mad as me. As mad as she was yesterday when I told her about what her parents did yet she seemed to understand it today. I have a feeling that she already forgave them which I just can't wrap my head around.

The anger I've felt towards Ray Steele for ten years came out times ten when I saw him again, although rage is a better way to describe what I felt. He completely justified his behavior because he did it out of love. Like love was the answer that would make it all okay. I believe that a part of him did that, but another part of him wanted to keep me out and he was afraid to tell us the reason today. It is almost like he wants to keep her to himself.

I understand that Ana is in between all this. And I respect her choice if she really is going to forgive them this easily because they helped her through everything for the past ten years, but I can't do the same. I have missed too much of her. Ten years of lost time that I will never get back. Every time I look at her, I am reminded of that.

"I don't know what I can say." It is my honest answer. I don't know it. I know we will only end up in a discussion if we'll talk about it now, and I refuse to make the first weekend we spent together a negative one.

She sighs and takes a seat on one of the barstools, Bobby sitting on the ground next to her while I grab myself a whiskey. "I have a feeling that you don't really understand where my parents are coming from."

"I don't. Not by long shot."

"Do you want to tell me why?"

I look at her, stunned by her question. Does she really need me to tell her why? Isn't it obvious?

"Well, where do I start? Maybe with the fact that your daddy doesn't seem to think he did anything wrong?" I look at her, her eyes shoot up in surprise when she hears my tone. "No? Not that? Okay, what about how he treated me just now? Like I was a fucking wolf that is after his precious daughter. Or maybe it was the fact that he never even told you I came looking for you because he thought that you'd moved on while you obviously hadn't. He doesn't even fucking know you, Ana. He would've seen it that you missed me otherwise. He still thinks you are that sixteen-year-old girl that needs her daddy, and he likes it that way because he wants to be the most important man in your life and he can't stand it that I'm coming pretty close now to take his place."

By the end I'm done talking, I'm out of breath. This goes deep and I seem to get angrier the more I think about it.

Ana is looking at me while she thinks over everything I just said. She can't tell me that she hasn't thought about all of this. It is so obvious.

"Do you even realize what you are saying right now?" She looks puzzled and confused. "Why would they deliberately keep you away from me and purposely make me unhappy? That just doesn't make sense."

"The fuck I know. I just know that I am not on your dad's favorite person list and he seems very convinced that you will never let him down. I bet that is the reason he is acting like this. He knows he can get away with it. You practically told him you forgive him, just like that." I really need that whiskey.

"So it is my fault now?" Now she is offensive, hands on her hips and all. Fucking great.

"I'm not saying that. He just seems very confident in this whole thing and I don't like that. He didn't even fucking apologize, Ana, while he really owes me one for lying to me. He told me that you'd moved on." My hands grab my hair, pulling it hard to prevent me from hitting something. "I'm not that eighteen-year-old guy anymore, Ana. Back then I maybe wanted to fight for his respect, but I'm not doing that now. I'm not going to make sure I show him how much I love you to win him over. I've done that enough. I flew to fucking Savannah with my heart in my hands after I'd spend weeks searching for you, and he just ignored it. I'm done. He'll just have to accept that you are with me now and that I'm never letting you go again."

I take a shot of my whiskey and enjoy the burn it leaves behind, hoping it will get me at ease a bit. Unfortunately, it only leaves me tenser.

"But Christian, why would-"

"And what the fuck is up with that boy this, boy that of him? Your boy over there he said. Like what the fuck?" I interrupt, the anger still fighting to come out. "He really doesn't have any respect for me or for what we have been through, Ana." My breathing is heavy and my heart is almost hammering out of my chest. I force myself to grip the counter to prevent me from throwing my whiskey against the wall. "And then he has the nerve to start about our daughter as if I would completely understand him when we have her while he is the fucking reason we don't have kids already."

Ana is looking at me with wide, wet eyes, her hands wrapped around her belly. I can tell she is intimidated by my anger and that she doesn't know how to respond to it. She is just staring at me, trying to find the right words to say to me even though I think she knows that nothing will be good right now.

I drown the last of my alcohol before throwing the glass into the sink, making Ana jump and Bobby bark. I need to blow off steam, and I need to do it now. I can't think straight, let alone talk.

"I'm going for a run." I walk to my bedroom to change, hoping that Ana catches on that I need to clear my head, but no such luck. She is right behind me with Bobby on her heels. Fuck sakes, the dog already feels the need to protect her and he doesn't even know her. She seriously has some power over men, human or not.

"So you are leaving me here, alone?" She is standing at the door of my room, watching me as I change into shorts and a loose tank top. Her eyes darken slightly while she looks at my body, but that could also be the annoyance.

I grab my running shoes out of the closet and take a seat on my bed. "It is better if I'll go out for a while."

"And you'll leave me here?"

"Fuck, Ana. What do you want? Do you want me to let out all my frustration by yelling at you about how much of an asshole I think your father is? I'm going because I don't know how to deal with what I'm feeling right now. I have never been this angry." I pull the laces of my shoes so hard, I think the blood stops flowing, but I don't give a fuck.

"If that will make you feel better, then yes. Let it out on me. Tell me what you think about him, yell and scream. I don't care. I don't want you to leave me now, I feel like you are running away from me, and I've just found you."

When I have tied my shoes, I look up at her and for a moment I see the girl that left me behind in Italy. Her eyes are red and her cheeks are wet with tears, even though I can't hear her cry. Her hands are folded in front of her chest and she looks small, sad and vulnerable.

I walk over to her, stopping when I'm standing right in front of her. Only now I realize how tiny she is next to me. I hate to see her like this.

"I'm not running away from you. I'll be back in fifteen. Just give me fifteen minutes, please?" I let my hand run over her left cheek before my thumb goes over her full, red lips. They're so soft and I if I wasn't this angry, I would just kiss her and forget about everything.

She nods her head, her eyes staring at something invisible on the floor.

"Come on, Bobby," I say before walking past Ana out of the bedroom.

"Can Bobby stay with me?" Her soft voice is shy and it makes my anger disappear just a little bit. The fact that she wants my dog to stay with her warms my heart.

I nod my head and give her a small smile to let her know that my anger isn't aimed at her. "I'll be back soon," I tell her before making my way to the front door, already picking up speed.

* * *

Twenty minutes later I return, sweat pouring down my back and completely out of breath but surprisingly enough much calmer than before I left. The anger is still there, but the run did help me with calming down.

When I walk into my living room, I find Ana on my couch with Bobby lying in front of her on the floor. She has turned on the TV which plays the news, but she doesn't look interested at all. She is staring out the windows, looking at the trees. She has the remote in her hand and her foot is softly moving over Bobby's back. This right here is what I should've seen the past few years when I came home.

"Hi," I mumble softly, not really sure what to say. I don't know what her mood is now since I went away while she asked me not to go.

He head shoots up and her eyes find mine. They aren't as red anymore and it looks like she has stopped crying as well.

"Hi," a small smile appears on her face. "Have you calmed down?"

"I have. Sorry that I went out, but I just needed to blow off some steam." I take place next to her on the couch, making sure I'm not too close since I'm covered in sweat.

"I'm just happy you came back." She looks sad but she does sit a little closer to me. "I hate that everything goes like this. We've just got back together and there is already drama involved."

I know how she feels. When I was running, I was thinking about how I just saw her again yesterday. We haven't had the time to properly catch up, outside of the things that needed to be said. I want to know every little thing there is to know about her. The bullshit, the small things that make her smile, and yet we have only talked about the past. Not to mention I almost lost control and attacked her dad.

"I know, I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." She sits even closer to me and moves so her arms are wrapped around my neck. She doesn't seem to mind the fact that I'm smelling out the room. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her on my lap, as close to me as possible.

"I have thought about what you said, and I understand you. I really do. It is just that I also understand why my dad did what he did. Not the part where he didn't tell me that you came for me, but the part that it was something that I had to fight myself." She mumbles in my neck, her hands moving over my back reassuringly, up and down. It calms me.

"In the end, everything went like this because I slit my wrist. If I hadn't done that-"

"Stop. Stop right there, Ana. I don't want you to think like that. This is not your fault, at all. You were sick and you needed help. And I am fucking proud of you for getting that help, for agreeing to go to Kirkland. That was so brave, baby." My hands are on her cheeks, forcing her to look at me.

"But if I wouldn't have let it go that far, I would've been there when you came looking for me. Dad didn't have to lie to you then." She mumbles, thankfully not looking away from me.

"He didn't have to lie in the first place, Ana. He could've told me what happened to you. He could've told me that you needed time to get better, without distraction. I would've happily given you that time if it meant that I could see you after. Fuck, I would've been happy if he just had told you that I was there, that I looked for you. It is not your fault, baby. I hate to say it, but this really is on your dad."

I really try not to let my emotions get the upper hand but feel the anger build all over again.

"I know, I know," Ana replies, obviously sensing the tension that is building. "I just don't want to be in the position where I have to choose between the two of you."

"I would never ask you to choose," I reassure her.

I might hate him for what he did, but I'm not crazy. I know that he is a decent man. I'm sure he helped Ana throughout those ten years and that he worked his ass off to give her everything. And most important; Ana loves him. I would never ask her to choose.

"I'll talk to him again, and I promise to be more critical." She buries her face in my neck again, seeking comfort I think. We sit like that for minutes, her on my lap, Bobby at our feet.

"I really need a shower," I hate to break apart, but I'm seriously getting cold.

Ana climbs off my lab so I can get to the bathroom. As I stand, I can feel her eyes on me and when I look at her again, I see that her lip is trapped in between her teeth. She wants to say something, I can instantly tell, but she is either nervous or shy. It is fucking cute.

"What is it, Ana?" I smirk after looking at her for a few seconds. She didn't even notice I was looking at her, so when she hears my question her eyes shoot up to mine, a delicious blush covering her face.

"Nothing." Again the lip-biting. I can't remember if she did it in Italy, but it makes my dick hard as fuck.

"Try again."

She takes a breath before standing from the couch and walking towards me. When she is standing right in front of me, her hands move to my chest.

"I just... maybe..." She starts, her cheeks getting even redder. "I was just thinking that I might need to shower as well."

So fucking cute.

"Oh, right. Well, you can go first then." I decide to tease her a little bit, just because finally I can.

"Christian," she giggles while rolling her eyes. Before I know what is happening, she jumps in my arms, monkey style. "I mean that I want to take a shower while you are in the shower as well." Her lips move against my neck, her face hidden in the crook.

I know why she wants to. She wants to know if we are okay, it is why I want her close as well. After a morning like this, I just want to make her forget about everything around us. I want it to be me and her, nobody else.

"I know," I chuckle while pulling her hair back so I can kiss her lips. She responds with enthusiasm, her fingers sliding into my hair as I walk us to the bathroom.

When we are in the bathroom, I let her go so I can turn on the shower. I wait for the water to be at a good temperature before turning around and finding Ana completely naked. She is obviously not wasting any time.

"Eager to get clean, baby?" I'm instantly hard when I look at her body. She looks gorgeous. Her curves are still as sexy as ten years ago and I'm honestly surprised by the control I'm able to contain right now. It is like time stood still.

"I am, and I want you naked as well." She is blushing, but there isn't any hint of embarrassment. It makes me realize how much she did change. The Ana from Italy would never be this comfortable with saying what she thinks or standing in front of me just like this.

"Remember when I told you that you could shower with me when I saw your mobile home in Italy? You almost had a heart attack, and look at you now."

A smile forms her lips while she walks over to me. When she reaches me, her hands go to the hem of my tank top to pull it off.

"That was because I only knew you for a few hours and I had no idea how to handle attention from boys." She smirks. "Now lose the shoes."

"Demanding little thing." I chuckle while doing as she says. "Does this mean that you know how to handle attention from boys now?"

I know it is selfish, but I hope that she didn't get any attention from other men in those ten years, even though the rational part of me knows that that is not the case. She is stunning and I am not the only one who sees that.

"Hardly, but there is something about you that makes me brave. Just like when I was sixteen." Her hands move to my shorts next and she pulls them and my boxers down at the same time. Her lip trapped in between her teeth and her eyes cast down, looking at my body.

She is gorgeous. So sensual and sexy, and completely honest and at ease with me.

"I love you."

It is the only thing I can say right now. I love her, probably even more than I thought the past years. It scares the shit out of me that even after so many years, my feelings for her haven't changed.

Her blue, glimmering eyes find mine, smiling up at me while her hands move to my chest and push me back into the shower.

"I love you," she whispers before my back hits the wall and her lips crash on mine.

I guess she'll make me a little dirtier before we get clean.


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N: So sorry for the cliffhanger but I think this one makes up for it. It's very sexy, so you maybe need a shower yourself afterward. Thank you all again for all the messages. I try to respond to every PM I'm getting, but working with one hand is still not something I'm good at. It means the world to see how many of you are thinking of me. I'm getting better every day, and I soon hope to be back at my normal posting schedule. Friday I have an appointment in the hospital, and I'm hoping the cast can go off my wrist then, so then I will be able to type easier! Much love and enjoy! Xx**

Chapter 38: Making it rain.

I can't believe how bold I feel at this moment. It is like my body is taking over control, completely ignoring the shy girl that I know I am deep down. I feel this huge tingle throughout my entire body and ever since I saw Christian return from his run, all sweaty and rough, the ache in between my legs is burning.

My hands try to touch as much of his skin at once, his chest and back, his face and his hair. I want to pull his hair and let my nails run over his back before I let my hands go over his chest, lower and lower until I reach his member. As a result, my hands are all over the place and our kisses get messier by the second. I have no idea what I am doing, I just know that I want him.

"Baby..." I feel him say against my lips. I know he wants to say something, but I don't want to stop kissing him. I want him to feel how much I have been missing him and how many times I have thought about this.

"Ana,"

I ignore him again, completely lost in focussing on him. His lips on mine, his skin under my hands, it feels so good. I don't know if it's because we had a horrible morning at my parents, or because I haven't seen him in so long, but my whole body is on fire. It actually hurts.

"Ana, baby, stop." This time he pulls away determinedly, his head resting against the tiles behind him while he catches his breath. His hooded eyes are focussed on me, almost black with lust and want. Why the hell does he want me to stop when he is looking at me like that?

"What? What's wrong?" I sound equally out of breath. I'm also still trying to pull his mouth back on mine, but Christian is too big so I can't reach him.

"Nothing. Fuck Ana, nothing. You drive me crazy." He says while his hands grab my hips and pull me against him a little more, letting me feel how much his words are true. "But we have time, baby. I want to take my time with you."

He leans down to capture my mouth again, this time slowly nipping my lips before he gently pushes his tongue inside. It feels amazing, sweet and soft, but it is not what I need right now.

"Christian," I start when I have pulled away from him. "I love you and it is very sweet that you want to take it slow, but I can't right now. I feel this thing, and it almost hurts." I feel my cheeks get redder with every word I speak, but he needs to know.

A smirk appears on his face, eyes bright, and I can instantly tell he is going to tease me.

"Really? What kind of thing are we talking about here?"

I should have known that he would react this way, it was an easy one. If I wasn't feeling as worked up as I do, I would've hidden my face in his chest and mumble something completely inaudible.

"I don't know," my blush is spreading, I can tell. "I feel it, you know, there. It's burning. It feels like my whole body is shaking and my muscles can't seem to relax."

His smirk is even bigger now, and he pushes me back just a little bit making sure that there is a small distance in between us.

"Here?" His hand moves down in between my legs and lightly touches me once, making me jump. "Are you trying to tell me that you are horny, Ana?" He has a full smile on now and it is making me shy. "Do you mean to tell me that your tight pussy is warm and wet, waiting, begging for me to give you what you need?"

Holy hell. Oh my God. I'm pretty sure that my complexion will never be normal again. I just can't look at him after what he just said, it is too much. Too sexy. And I am too warm. This can't be normal.

"Hey, look at me, baby." I feel his hand under my chin, moving my face, forcing me to look at him. "Don't look away, I love this." He pecks my lips, making my need for him even bigger. "Do you want me to take care of you?"

I can only nod my head. I want him.

He kisses my lips again before his hand drops in between my legs, this time touching me properly. His eyes never leave my face while he touches me slowly, in little circles over my nub. It feels amazing and in no time I feel it building, it happens so fast that I have trouble standing up.

Just as I am about to come, Christian stops. How dare he.

"Don't stop. Please don't stop." I manage to say. My voice is so breathy and different that I don't even recognize it.

"I won't." He growls while moving down so he sits on his knees in front of me. "Put your leg over my shoulder."

I do what he says immediately, holding the glass wall for balance. The moment my leg touches his shoulder, his hands grab my behind and his face is buried in between my legs, licking me rapidly.

"Fucking fuck, Ana. So good. Your taste is so fucking good." He speaks against me while his hands move to my back before he drags them down again, his nails moving over my skin.

The sensation is almost making me come. I feel all my muscles contract and my legs are ready to give out.

His tongue picks up speed, and he also starts sucking on my flesh. The sounds that come from him are so sexy an raw, he is completely into this. When I look down, I see that he is already looking at me. I can tell that he enjoys looking at me. His eyes are dark and his pupils wide. His mouth is working on me and he looks amazing. It does something to me, him on his knees in front of me, pleasuring me like it is the best thing he has ever done.

The moment one of his hands moves to my breast and pinch my nipple, I come. I feel Christian's arms holding me up while I moan his name, my whole body shaking. The relief is so big, I'm almost passing out.

"Oh God, enough." I push his head away from me, feeling way too sensitive to be touched right now. The aftershocks keep on coming full force.

"Jesus baby, I'll never get enough of this." Christian breathes while he moves to stand, still making sure he keeps me up.

We stand under the shower stream for a few minutes, me trying to calm down while Christian rubs my back. I can feel him throbbing against my belly, and I am amazed by how steady and relaxed he looks right now. His complete focus is on me, even though it can't be comfortable for him to be this hard.

When I have calmed down enough, I move my hands over his chest down until I can grab him in my hands. Christian's breathing instantly changes and I swear he hisses the moment I begin moving my hands up and down, making sure that every inch of him is covered with my hands.

"Can I do the same to you?" I am very nervous about doing this, but I also really want to. I have heard José and Mandy talk about doing it, and even though I pretended not to listen, I secretly paid attention so I'd know what to do a bit if the situation ever occurred.

Christian looks at me with a shy smile on his face, but his eyes are daring and bold.

"Do you want to?" His thumb moves over my lower lip, his tongue moving over his own. He looks amazing like this. Wet hair, droplets on his face, the water flowing perfectly over his chest and his eyes glued to me like I am the only thing in this world that matters.

I nod my head. "I do. I've never done it obviously, but I want to. I just need a little bit of guidance."

"Fuck, I love that you don't know what to do. I can tell you just how I like it, only me." His eyes ooze lust and he actually looks a little high on it. "Just give me two more minutes. The thought of finally having those lips around my dick almost makes me come."

It is almost comical, the way he looks right now, eyes closed and trying really hard to control his breathing, it makes me giggle.

"Are you laughing at me, Miss Steele?"

I shake my head. "No, I've just missed you."

He smiles before he kisses me once. "You have no idea how many times I've thought about you in front of me, on your knees and eyes on me while you have me in your mouth. You can't blame me for needing a minute when you tell me that you want to now."

Just as I thought that my blush had somewhat disappeared, he says this and I'm instantly beet red again. And even though it makes me very shy, it also turns me on when he talks like this.

"So, should I start with getting on my knees then?" I'm surprised by how eager I sound. I want to see his reaction when I do it and I need him to talk me through it.

He takes a deep breath and then nods, grabbing my hands to support me when I get on my knees and level with his very, very big erection. Now that I see it this close, I'm almost certain that it is bigger than ten years ago, even though I have no idea if that is possible. It is very intimidating and I suddenly am not sure if I can do this.

Christian moves my hands to his belly and then guides them down over his wet skin so they reach his member.

"Do you know what this does to me, Ana?" His voice is raspy and I can feel the grip he has on my hands tighten.

"I'm not doing anything yet."

"Fuck, baby. Keep telling yourself that." He chuckles while moving one of my hands to grab him. He holds his own hand over mine and starts moving slowly, up and down. He also moves slightly forward, so his tip is closer to my mouth.

"Can you wet your lips a little bit?" He asks me. His eyes are focussed on my lips.

I do what he asks me and make a show of letting my tongue run over my lips, making him groan.

He pushes forward a little more so that his tip touches my lips. He doesn't ask me to do anything though, he just rubs himself from left to right. I can feel the pre-cum coating my lips a bit.

"Please, kiss me." His voice is low and sexy and his eyes are so dark I almost can't see his pupils.

I pucker my lips and kiss the tip, my mouth opening a little to give him just a little more.

"Start here," he says while he guides my head to his shaft.

I give him little nipping kisses, working my way back to the tip. After that, I do the exact same thing on the other side. In the meantime, he lets go of my hand which is still wrapped around him.

"Use your tongue, baby."

I look up at him and let my tongue take the same path as my lips did moments ago, making Christian groan once again. His hands are both behind his head, and he is watching me.

When I'm back to the tip again, I open my mouth and take him in. I try to take in as much as possible, pushing him further and further into my mouth, but I just know that I can't fit him in completely without gagging.

I obviously take Christian by surprise with my action, because he jerks slightly before his hands move into my hair, preventing me from taking him in deeper.

"Easy, baby. Take your time. Just use your tongue and maybe suck a little. You don't need to take in all of me to make me feel good." He tells me, obviously seeing that it is causing some trouble. I love the way he talks to me to let me know what to do. He is so sweet and gentle yet so very sexy.

I do what he says and start sucking on him, moving up and down. I also try to let my tongue come into play from time to time which he obviously appreciates because his legs buckle every time I do it.

"Just like that. A little harder, Ana." He growls while his hips start to move with me, picking up speed.

It is amazing to watch him from my spot on the floor. He is wet and all his muscles are tense. I make him feel like this, and it gives me a feeling of power and control like I never experienced before. Seeing how much pleasure this gives him, is giving me pleasure as well.

After a few minutes of sucking and licking him, I can feel him grow and his moans get more intense as well. I think he is close, and I can't wait to see how he comes. But just when I think he is ready to come, he pulls himself out of my mouth and moves his member upward.

"Use your mouth on my balls, baby. Please."

One hand is pumping himself, and the other hand moves my head to where he wants me. I waste no time in sticking out my tongue, running it over his balls. I have no idea if this is what he wants, but by the sounds that he makes, I think he is enjoying it.

"Fuck yes. Suck on me. Fuck, I'm almost there." The words leave his mouth in a plea and he grip on my hair gets even stronger.

I start sucking on him and grab his upper legs for support. The hand on his member is moving up and down faster and faster, chasing his orgasm. I stop the suction and let my tongue run in circles over his balls while my nails dig in his skin.

"Yesss. Fuck, I'm coming." He grunts and then pushes me backward. For a moment I look at him confused, but then I feel warm spurts hitting my breasts. His hand is still moving up and down slowly while he comes down from his high, and all I can do is look at him. He looks amazing, absolutely breathtaking.

"Wow." Is all I can say when he leans back against the tiles, looking completely spent.

"Fuck, wow is an understatement." He chuckles. "That was fucking amazing, Ana. It was even better than my fantasies and those helped me through these ten years."

He grabs me by my arms and pulls me up and against him. We take a small step back so we can both stand under the water, my head on his chest where I still feel his heartbeat go fast. His hands move up and down my back. It feels so intimate and safe, it makes me realize again how lost I actually was without him.

"You have no idea how special you are, Ana. How much you mean to me. The way you manage to make me feel, not just like this, but when you are close to me, it is like everything is finally making sense. I feel alive again."

I just nod my head and move into his chest even more. I can feel tears forming my eyes, and I want to tell him the same but I know that if I reply to his sweet words, I will cry. I hate it that every time it comes back to those years we've missed.

"I know you feel the same, you don't have to tell me. Just stay close, just like this." He mumbles, his arms moving around me in a vice grip.

Once again he surprises me by responding to what I feel. He can read me like a book, it's like everything is on display for him.

Only for him.

* * *

"Do you want to watch a movie?" Christian asks me after we've had lunch. He is sitting on the couch wearing sweatpants and a tank top and I just want to crawl into him.

"Sure" I walk over and take a seat next to him on the couch, immediately getting as close as possible. Just like a reflex, his arm moves around me instantly. I don't care what we do really, I just want to be close.

Christian is scrolling through Netflix while we bicker over what movie we are going to watch when I hear my phone, that is on the table in front of us, go off. When I look at the caller ID, I see José's name.

"Hi, Josy."

"Yeah, not to be a complete bitch or something, but it is almost four o'clock and I am blowing balloons all by myself right now. I get that you rediscovered the D and that you are probably very, very into it, but this was not the deal, Anastasia."

Shit, I completely forgot. Mandy's surprise party.

"Oh God, I completely forgot." I sign.

"No shit," José responds immediately.

I look at Christian, who is still scrolling through Netflix, not really paying attention to my conversation with José. I really don't want to go home and leave Christian, but I know that I have to. José and I have been planning this party for weeks, and he and Mandy will never forgive me if I don't attend because I'd rather spend the day in bed with Christian.

"I'll be there soon," I tell José while standing from the couch, catching the attention of Christian.

"Good. Can you pick up the cupcakes as well? I was planning on getting them but I'm busy here with decorating everything on my own. It is a lot of work you know. And I'm scared shitless that Mandy suddenly decides to come home early."

"Jesus, don't be a drama queen. I'm sorry, okay?" I groan. "Look, Mandy is out with her mom, she won't be back until after dinner. I'll get the cupcakes, don't worry. See you soon."

"Alright, hurry. Don't think about doing a quicky." José bitches before I disconnect the call.

"You need to go?" Christian asks the moment he realizes I disconnected the call. He looks like a sad, little boy which makes it even harder for me to leave.

"Yeah, José and I have been planning a surprise party for Mandy for weeks, and tonight is the night. I completely forgot. I'm sorry, I wish I could stay here with you, but José is almost having a mental breakdown."

He stands from the couch as well and wraps me in his arms like he has done it for ages. I love how he can wrap himself around me and makes me feel like he shields me from everything.

"I can help? I mean, if you need help and want me there, of course." He sounds unsure and it is very cute. Why would he think I wouldn't want him there?

"That would be great!" I say enthusiastically. "Are you sure though? I mean, José is going to go crazy when he sees you and he will ask you all kinds of embarrassing questions. Not to mention Mandy when she comes home tonight. And I am sure they will both be drunk within an hour and then the questions will probably be even worse."

Christian chuckles and kisses my forehead. "I can handle that as long as you are with me." His arms pull me against him a little more. "I'm just not ready to let you get away from me. I need to be able to talk to you, kiss you and touch you."

My blush is back again and although I hate it when I blush, I also love it when he talks to me like this. It makes me feel loved and I am really happy that he wants to join me. Outside of José and Mandy, I don't really know a lot of the people that are coming tonight. José invited everybody and while I'm sure I've seen them all before, I'm still not very good at making contact with them.

"Okay, but I've warned you."

"It'll be fun. And maybe I get to see you drunk as well. I'm sure you'll be a little nymph when you've had a drink. Fuck, I want to see that." His warm breath caresses my neck while he whispers in my ear, making me shiver.

"I don't drink," I pant, completely worked up already just because he said something to me. It is insane.

"What? You had wine yesterday."

"I know. But I only had a few sips. I needed to calm the nerves. Usually, I don't drink. I'm always the one who stays sober and keeps José and Mandy in check. It never really appealed to me to get drunk."

The thought of giving up control like that scares me. I've seen Mandy do crazy things when she was wasted, and the next day she didn't remember anything. I would go insane if that happened to me.

"So, you've never been drunk?" Christian's eyes are wide like he can't believe that I've never had a shot too many.

"No, not even felt the tingle." I simply tell him. I have no idea why he is so shocked. He acts like it is a big accomplishment to get drunk.

"Damn," he mumbles, a grin on his face. "I'm definitely going to get you drunk sometime when it is just you and me. Just thinking about drunk sex with you gets me hard as rock."

He is looking so excited right now, I just can't help but giggle. "We'll see. Come on, we need to pick up some cupcakes on our way back."

We walk to the bedroom to change and since I have nothing else to wear, I have no choice to put on the black dress I wore yesterday. José will have a field with that one.

Suddenly I am nervous. Christian will meet José and all the other people that will come tonight. I just know a lot of girls will be completely in awe of him and I don't like the idea.

"That dress is truly stunning, baby. You look gorgeous." Christian interrupts my thoughts.

I smile and turn around to face him, and when I do, I see him looking at me in awe. His eyes burn with love, endearment, and want and immediately I feel better about attending the party with him. This man is completely devoted to me, just like I am to him.

I have nothing to worry about.


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: A little shorter this time, but it seemed right to end it like this, I hope you agree. Enjoy! Xx**

Chapter 39: No need to be drunk.

It has been an hour and a half since Mandy came into our apartment and had the shock of her life when all her friends and family stood in our small living room, and just as I predicted beforehand, she and José are completely wasted as we speak. Mandy is out of this world and José already started a striptease on our dining table. Thank God I was just in time to drag him off before his pants hit the floor.

Preparations went easier than expected. When Christian and I got the cupcakes, we went to my apartment. We found José sitting on the floor, still blowing balloons, looking very pale. Of course, when he saw Christian, he stopped blowing and let the balloon fly through our home while he looked Christian up and down.

Christian on his turn tried to be polite. He walked over to introduce himself and offered José his hand, but José wasn't having any of that. He pulled Christian in a full body length hug and kissed his cheek while gushing about how much he had heard of him and how I certainly wasn't kidding when I said he looked good.

After José had practically embarrassed me by telling Christian everything I said about him, including what my sixteen-year-old self had said all those years ago, he shamelessly turned to me and asked me if I was sore. Of course, my cheeks turned red almost immediately which apparently was enough confirmation for José. Christian's eyes were wide the entire conversation, but I could see he was secretly enjoying it as well.

When José's questions were getting a bit too personal, I managed to turn the conversation and got his attention on decorating. Christian and I made sure the drinks and snacks were ready, while José went on with the balloons. Thirty minutes before Mandy would come home, we were done.

I had a quick shower and got dressed while Christian and José spend some time talking. I have no idea about what, but I will ask Christian that later tonight. I hope José didn't embarrass me further, but I honestly think he did.

And right now I look at all the people in my house and already hate the fact that we didn't organize this thing somewhere else. The mess people make really shocks me and I'm already mentally preparing for a huge cleaning session tomorrow. Probably on my own though, because both of my lovely roommates will be too hungover to function.

"For the big planner of this party, you look awfully bored and even a little horrified."

I look at Christian, who is nursing a beer while he looks at me amused. I'm really happy that he came along, else I would've probably gone to bed by now.

"I'm not really a party animal," I tell him while looking at two girls who are trying to climb on the salon table. I seriously can't believe that everybody here is over twenty-one. I always thought that this behavior was only justified when you are in college. These people are all in their twenties, yet they act like teenagers.

"We can go to your bedroom and have our own little party. I bet I can turn you into an animal in just minutes."

Shivers run over my body and I've almost reached the point that says go for it. The only thing that is stopping me from going to my bedroom, is the fact that there will be no one to make sure nothing breaks. Everybody is drunk, except for me and Christian, and Mandy's family left thirty minutes ago. They probably couldn't look at Mandy any longer.

"What did you and José talked about while I was changing?" I ask him. I really need to change the subject if I want to stay focused on everything that is happening around me.

"We had a drink and he asked me about my life and how the past ten years were for me. I didn't tell him much about it, just that I focussed on work and tried to stop thinking about you. He was very happy that we've found each other again and he was also excited to finally meet me. He seems like a cool guy and I feel a bit better now that I know who you are living with. He really cares a lot for you, baby."

The smile on his face makes me wonder if he is telling me everything. I was gone for about twenty minutes which means that they had plenty of time to talk about other things as well. I have a feeling that Christian's life wasn't the only thing they talked about and I am almost certain that they also talked about me. I'm really curious as to what José told him about me though since he and Mandy have both seen me when I was having a difficult time. I really hope José didn't tell him all about that because that will make Christian feel horrible all over again for not being there with me.

"Hi, handsome. How are you doing?"

I'm snapped out of my thoughts when I see the red-haired woman leaning against Christian. She is almost losing her balance, her make-up is all over the place and this is the third time she is trying to hook up with my man. I have no idea who she is, but I do know that she is starting to piss me off.

"He's fine, and he is here with me. Now please move along." I tell the girl before Christian even has the change to reply.

The girl giggles loudly, the alcohol smell on her breath so heavy that I almost gag. Seriously, what is the appeal?

"Easy, tiger. We can share, I'm sure he can handle both of us at the same time." Her hand moves unsteadily to my chest but is stopped halfway by Christian.

"You should really move it."

The jealousy in his voice makes me feel oddly proud. He is looking at the girl with a serious expression on his face and I can instantly tell she feels intimidated. I honestly wonder how the hell she still dares to come over to us when the last two times went exactly like this. I should just throw her out.

"Gosh, you two are no fun." The girl whines before she yanks her hand out of Christian's grip and wobbles away. She can hardly walk. I should really call an uber for her and let him take her home, but I honestly don't know who she is, let alone where she lives.

"I'm having so much fun!" A high pitched voice screams in my ear. I know it is Mandy and I also know that in about ten minutes, I will be holding up her hair while she throws out everything she drank in the past hour and a half.

"I love you, Angie. And I am so happy that you finally have Mr. Christian back." She says while leaning forward and grabbing Christian's cheeks in both of her hands. "You are so pretty."

She is pushing his cheeks, making his lips pucker and I can't help but giggle. I really hope that Christian will still accept my friends after this.

"Thanks, you are very drunk." Christian states while he gently grabs Mandy's hands and moves them out of his face.

"I know right." She hiccups. "But I'm so happy because it is my birthday. And I'm healthy, I think. And I have the most awesome best friend in the world. I love you, Anastasia Steele." Her arms are around my neck now and her lips start to kiss my cheeks.

"I love you too, but you don't have to lick my face." I giggle while I try to push her away.

When Mandy has finally stopped kissing me, José joins the conversation. Although he has trouble with speaking correctly himself. I truly love both of them, but sometimes I feel like they are still stuck in their teenage years. I'm also quite surprised that neither of them has liver damage by now.

"So, Mr. Christian, how are we doing so far? Do you like the party?" José slurs. He is leaning on Christian because he obviously doesn't have the balance to stand on his own.

"Yeah, it's fun."

I can tell he is lying and I don't blame him for not having fun. I'd rather be home with him also.

"You know, when Angie told us that you were looking rougher than ten years ago, I figured that that was pretty logical since you are obviously older, but now that I see you standing here, I completely understand her and I didn't even meet you when you were eighteen."

While José's right arm is still around Christian's neck, his other arm lifts and he moves his hand to Christian's pecs.

"Just as I thought, hard as a rock. Mandy, you should feel this, he's got some serious muscles. Damn, Ana. You are a lucky girl." José swoons while his hand moves over Christian's chest. Christian is trying to move his hand away without being too harsh, but José doesn't give up that easily. Mandy doesn't reach to have a feel, thank God for that. Again, alcohol is useless.

"Stop it, José," I warn, sensing that Christian feels uncomfortable. Jesus, I feel uncomfortable too. And jealous. I don't like it that everyone at this party wants Christian, even my two best friends.

"There we go. Jealous Ana in the building!" Mandy snorts. "I was waiting for that Ana to make an appearance."

Mandy and José high five each other which makes me wonder if they did this on purpose. Why would they do that? My friends are so weird.

"After all those years, our girl finally has a reason to be jealous," José says, pretending to be emotional. Then he leans closer to Christian again like he is going to tell him a big secret. "She never took a guy home and she never talked to anyone when we were going out. Nobody seemed to be good enough. I mean, else she would've at least let somebody take off the edge, right? Ten years, Jesus."

Even though I can see the annoyance in Christian's demeanor, I also see a small smile appear as he listens to José. I, on the other hand, feel my cheeks heat up once again. Apparently, we are back at embarrassing Ana.

"I'm glad she didn't." Christian mumbles, more to me than to Mandy and José, but Mandy being the nosy girl she is, catches on.

"I bet you do. I'm surprised that she doesn't look properly fucked." Mandy looks at me from head to toe, like she is searching for something that shows that I am properly fucked. This can not get any worse. I need to get out of here.

"Alright, bye," I say while I grab Christian's arm and pull him away from my two very annoying best friends. I can't stand there and listen to them when they are drunk and oversexed. I don't care if the guests tear down the whole house.

I lead him through the hall and then into my bedroom. I have the room at the end of the hallway which means we are the furthest away from the living room as possible. That is exactly why I picked this room. Mandy and José tend to be loud sometimes when they have friends over and in my room, you hardly hear it. Right now though, the music is so loud I'm sure the whole building hears it.

"Nice room," Christian grins while he looks around my small bedroom. It has just enough space for a small double bed and my closet. One wall is covered with yellow paint while the others are beige.

"Thanks. Listen, I'm sorry for Mandy and José's behavior. You probably wonder why I'm even friends with them, but I promise that they are more normal when they are sober."

He closes the small distance in between us and wraps me in his arms. "More normal?"

I giggle. "Yeah, they will always be outgoing and in your face, but they are sweet too when they don't drink."

"Well, I look forward to meeting them while sober then." He smirks before he kisses me.

It is a soft, sweet kiss which ends way too soon. I'm tempted to pull him back and kiss him some more, but then I see the way he is looking at me. His eyes shine and he is biting his lip, almost looking nervous and definitely looking like he is up to something.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he smiles and then looks around my room again. "Nice room."

I raise my eyebrow. "You've already said that."

"I know, your room is just very nice." He wiggles his eyebrows. This is getting weirder by the second.

"Well, thanks I guess? It isn't big, but-"

"It's big enough." He interrupts. His face is inches from mine now.

I have no idea where this conversation is going and I'm starting to wonder if Christian is drunk too.

"For...?" I really need an explanation.

He licks my lips one time and then grins and it makes my heart pick up speed instantly. I suddenly have an idea where this is going and although I am still very aware of all the people in the living room, I am game for whatever he has in mind.

"For me to fuck you in every corner," he starts, his finger tracing my collarbone. "On every spot of the floor," he pecks my lips. "On your bed and against the wall," his hand slowly moves down to my chest. "Until everybody in the living room knows what we are doing because you are screaming so loud. I'm going to make sure you look properly fucked, baby."

I don't have time to respond or even breathe, because the moment the last word has left his mouth, his lips slam on mine. His tongue is invading my mouth just seconds later, and I completely surrender to him. I don't think, I just follow.

His kisses are rough and demanding. Very different from how he has been kissing me these past hours. His teeth bite my lip from time to time and I almost have trouble keeping up. His hands are all over my body. I can't describe where I feel them, all I know is that they leave my body burning every time he moves them away.

I'm trying to get some control over what is happening, but Christian isn't having any of it. Just when I think he is slowing down and giving me some control, he pulls back completely, leaving me out of breath and almost begging for more.

"I want you, Ana. I want to own you, your pussy, your mouth. Everything. You have no idea what you do to me. I've missed you for too long and all I can think about is claiming you, over and over again until my DNA is mixed with yours. You on me, me inside you." He growls while his hand holds my face, forcing me to look at him.

I'm speechless, in shock and my heart is racing like a maniac. I have no idea what caused this reaction from him, and I'm not sure if I want to know right now. I would probably not even hear it if he would tell me. All I can think about is that I want it. I'm nervous and I don't know what he has planned, but I want it. I want him.

"Tell me you want that, baby."

I nod my head, ready to let him do whatever he wants. It surprises me since I've only got him back in my life since yesterday, but I am completely comfortable with letting him take the lead and letting him take me away.

"Where do you want it first?" His breath tickles my neck while he speaks, his lips touching my skin, making the goosebumps rise over my entire body.

"Wherever you want it." My response is immediate and eager.

Christian chuckles and kisses his way down until he reaches my cleavage. My dress isn't particularly sexy, but now that he is kissing me like this, I feel very exposed. He seems to make his way to the right spot easily, no matter the clothing.

"Oh, baby, so many possibilities." He whispers before his hands go to the back of my legs and lift me up. "Bed then, let's start slow."

He walks us to the bed and then sits down, me on his lap with both of my legs on either side of him. I can instantly feel him through his jeans, and I can't help but rub myself against him to get rid of some of the tension in between my legs. Christian likes it, because his hands grab my hips roughly, guiding me to where he feels it the most.

His mouth is busy with my neck again, and I can feel the effects of what he does to me. I need to get this dress off of me because I'm suddenly very hot. Christian thankfully has the same thought since his hands go to the back of my dress to undo the zipper. Before I know it, I'm sitting on his lap in just my bra and panties.

"You are gorgeous." Christian breathes before he leans back to rest on my pillow, hands behind his head. It gives me the perfect view of the tattoo that he got for me. "Take off your bra."

His demanding tone takes me by surprise and I am a bit hesitant in taking my bra off because he is still fully dressed, but his eyes tell me to just go with it so I reach behind me and unhook the black piece, revealing my breasts. The sharp inhale of Christian's breath instantly makes me feel sexier. He likes this so much, and therefore it gives me the confidence to continue.

"Panties." He nods, indicating that they need to come off as well.

I do as he says and move my panties down my hips. It is a bit of a struggle since he is still in between my legs, but after some effort, I'm sitting on him completely naked. It is strangely arousing to sit like this while he is still wearing all his clothes, it gives me the feeling of power and control even though I know that he is the one that calls the shots right now.

Christian's eyes haven't left my body and the way he looks at me makes the heat between my legs almost unbearable. I fight the urge to rub myself against him to relieve some of the tension because I kind of like it when Christian tells me what to do.

"Rub yourself all over me if you want, baby. Drown my jeans. It's okay. It will be sexy as fuck." He tells me. He can read me so well, it once again amazes me. It also makes me realize that he was right when he said that I belonged to him.

I start moving my hips and enjoy the friction his rough jeans is providing on my sensitive skin. My moans fill my small bedroom and Christian's hands move to my upper legs, where he just holds me lightly, letting me move at my own pace. Within minutes I feel my breathing quicken and I know that if I continue to move just like this, my orgasm will be right there.

Christian's eyes are almost black and they are watching me in awe. I can feel him throbbing against me and even though he is wearing clothes I can tell that he is on the edge as well.

"Come on, baby. Make yourself come. Let me see you." Christian encourages.

As if his words do the trick, my orgasm rushes through my body. Shock after shock takes control over me and while he pulls me in his arms and to his shirt covered chest, his name leaves my lips in a soft whisper.

Christian. It has always been Christian.


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N: So sorry for not updating. My head didn't really do what I wanted to do, and I was forced to spend a few days in a dark bedroom but I can see some light again! To make up for it a long one. With lots of sexy time and talking. Enjoy! Xx**

Chapter 40: Whole again.

She is lying on my chest, her body sweaty and warm while her breathing slowly returns to normal. I hear the music and muffled voices coming from the living room and for a moment it is like I took sixteen-year-old Ana to a room in a frat house during a party.

My dick is throbbing uncontrollably and is still fighting to come out of my jeans. I swear I can feel her arousal. She made a nice wet spot on me, and I can tell that she is still dripping. I can't describe what I'm feeling right now, but it is something that feels instinctual. I need to make sure that she and everybody else knows that she is mine. I want her to walk out of this bedroom later on, with my scent on her and my cum inside her. I know she isn't on the pill, but I'm past the point of caring right now. I want to feel her without anything between us, and if she'd let me, I'll mark her as mine in every way possible.

"That was really nice." I hear her mumble against my shirt. She still hasn't moved an inch since I pulled her against me and I think she thinks that I am done with her now.

"Yeah, it was," I smirk and move her head up a little so she is looking at me. "You looked so sexy, moving on me like that. Your pussy is so wet and warm. Fuck."

I love the way her blush creeps to her cheeks when I give her compliments like that. She is so responsive to me, to my voice and my touch. I love that.

"What caused all that?"

"Caused what?" Of course, I know what she means, but I am curious how she will describe it. It maybe gives me an insight into how she experienced it. If she likes it when I am like that.

"You know what."

"No? I don't?" I can't help but laugh when I see her hide her face in my chest. I think she even forgot that she is lying on me completely naked.

"You were so determined and stuff." She mumbles. It is fucking cute.

"Did you like it?"

She nods her head, her hands gripping my sides as she does. I want to feel her hands on my skin.

"Good, because we are not done yet," I tell her before turning us around so she is lying on the bed with me on top. It makes her giggle and I promise myself right here, right now, that I will always make it my mission to give her a reason to giggle just like this. Just like she did in Italy.

I kiss her neck and move down so I can take her left nipple into my mouth. I let my tongue run circles around her hard peak before I suck it in deep, making her moan and arch her back. I try to take as much of her boob into my mouth as possible, I just can't get enough.

"It's you," I growl when I pull back just enough to speak. "It's you that is causing me to react this way. All of you. You are driving me crazy by just standing next to me. I can't get enough of you. You awaken things in me, Ana."

Before she can respond, I have moved up to face her and press my mouth against hers, kissing her just as hard and rough as I did before. I bite her lip and suck on her tongue, giving her body shocks every time I make sure that she feels just a little pain.

"I want to fuck you, Ana. Hard." I tell her while my hand moves to hold her throat. Her eyes are wide and full of excitement and lust. There is no sign that she doesn't want this. She maybe is a little nervous, but she sure as hell wants this just as bad as me.

"If it gets too much you just need to tell me, okay?" I want her to know that she can stop it at any moment. I like to have control, but she controls me. She needs to know that.

She nods her head while her arms move to the hem of my shirt, obviously wanting me out of my clothes. I move to my knees and drag my shirt over my head before I make quick work of my jeans and boxers. Her hands roam over the revealed skin and she kisses my neck as I try to remove my shoes and socks so I can take everything off completely. It drives me crazy.

When I'm finally naked, I waste no time and get my face in between her legs. "I need that pussy."

She gasps the moment my tongue hits her spot. I don't tease or take it slow, I go right for her clit. I want her to come on my tongue.

"God, I can't, not again." She moans while her hands grip my hair again. I'm not sure if she is moving me to her or if she is pushing me away. She sounds out of breath and I think that she feels overwhelmed by everything that she is feeling.

I stop for a moment and kiss her thighs to let her catch her breath. "You can, baby. Trust me, you can and you will. More times than you can count."

I move my mouth back on her again, earning an "Oh, God" from her. She has no idea how sexy she looks right now. She looks confident but I can tell she is still shy, her body is wet with sweat and every muscle is tense. She has her eyes closed and her head thrown back, moaning and whimpering little things that I don't catch.

While I'm licking her, I let one of my hands go down to my dick to relief some of the pressure. I pump my hand up and down as I taste her and quickly discover that it isn't a good idea to do this since I'm already on the edge. The taste of her is enough to make me shoot my load.

Her legs start to shake a little before she clamps them around my head. "Yesss." She softly moans before I feel her coming on my tongue.

Immediately after she comes, her hands push my head away from her and her legs shut closed. Her breathing is heavy and her eyes are closed while she turns to her left side. She looks so cute and completely exhausted.

"I think I almost died." She whispers, still having aftershocks. Welcome to heaven, baby.

"You're still here," I confirm, a proud smirk on my face that I really can't hide. "Just breathe, baby." I lay down behind her, spooning her so my dick is in contact with her ass. I'm still painfully hard but I hold myself back. She needs to catch her breath and I honestly enjoy lying behind her like this immensely. It is intimate and it makes me feel close to her.

"How are you so good at all this stuff?" Her voice is soft and I think she has a smile on her face as well. I really hope that she does and that she isn't doubting the fact that I haven't been with anyone else.

I move my hands around her and pull her as close as possible so I can bury my face in her hair. "I don't know. It's you. You make me want to do all these things that I could only dream of. I have been thinking about this for years, Ana. My fantasies about you and what I want to do to you are probably more diverse than the average porn site."

"All my fantasies where peanuts compared to what we just did."

Interesting. And I haven't even got started yet. "What are you fantasizing about then?"

She is quiet for a moment, I am not sure if she is thinking about how she is going to tell me or if she is thinking about not telling me at all. I do know that she is probably blushing again and that maybe she is a bit ashamed to talk about this.

I move my hand up and down, from her ribs to her hip and back to make her feel more comfortable. Just as I want to tell her that she doesn't have to tell me if she doesn't want to, she surprises me by answering my question.

"I always thought about our first time together. How you were so gentle and patient with me. I felt so loved that night, which was completely new to me. I had never felt that kind of love and I didn't think I would ever feel it. You made my first time as special as is could be, and when I was back in Savannah and later in Kirkland, I always thought about that moment. Not just in a sexual way, but also when I felt lonely or if I didn't have the strength to get through therapy. The thought of you and me in your hotel room, making love and watching the fireworks afterward, kept me going."

She turns around in my arms, her blue eyes searching contact with mine. She isn't crying, but I can see the emotion in her eyes.

"That's what you thought about?" I'm a bit shocked, to be honest. Out of everything, she had enough just thinking about the first time. It surprises me and it also warms my heart even more.

She nods her head and smiles. "Yeah. Probably way more PG-13 than your thoughts, but it was enough for me."

She amazes me and makes me feel like a complete asshole. I was so rough and harsh with my words just now, while all she wants is soft, caring Christian. What the hell was I thinking?

"I got a little carried away just now. I'm sorry I-"

"Don't," she interrupts me, "I loved it. And I know you are not sorry because I can feel what it does to you to take control like that. We just need to work on me keeping up with you. I like the idea of you doing both. Gentle and soft and also what you just did."

She smiles and her cheeks are still red, but she doesn't hide or look away. Instead, she kisses me, her eyes open and keeping contact with mine, never blinking.

I can tell by the way she is kissing me that she isn't done with me either. Her hand also moves down my chest to my dick, which is desperately in need of some attention.

One of her hands wraps around my shaft and the other grabs my balls. It makes me smile and groan at the same time. She obviously saw what it did to me in the shower when she touched them, and I love it that she uses that now but I swear it almost makes me come.

"If you keep doing this, there isn't going to be much more rough or gentle and soft at all." I moan while I use all my control to not shoot my load. She is just too much. First, her grinding all over me, then tasting her and now her hands. She will kill me.

"You act like I'm doing so much while all I do is have a little squeeze." She giggles. Her hand on my dick is squeezing gently to prove her point. She really needs to stop.

I grab her hands and move them to my chest. "Ana, even looking at you would do the trick. I don't want this to be over just yet. I like this. Being with you in your room while the music is loudly playing and your whole living room is full of people who are partying. It's like we are teenagers who sneaked upstairs to have sex in some random room."

She giggles loudly and moves her arms around my neck. "Is that also a fantasy of yours?"

"Yeah, probably." I smile.

We look at each other for a moment. Her fingers are stroking the back of my neck while my hands move over her spine. We are still lying on our sides, nose to nose. Our breathing is completely in sync. She is perfect and she has no idea.

"Are you still going to fuck me hard?" She softly asks. It takes me by surprise because I have never heard her say something like this before. She is usually so polite. I like it though, her talking like this. And my dick likes it too.

I think she is asking me this because she feels the shift between us as well. The way we look at each other and hold each other right now, it feels as if we are connected deeply.

"I don't think so," I tell her while we keep eye contact.

She smiles and then moves forward so her lips brush against mine. Her lips are soft and stroke against mine lovingly. I let her set the rhythm of the kiss, following her lead and simply enjoying having her this close to me.

She rolls us over so she is lying on top of me, never breaking our kiss as she does. "I want to feel you inside me." She whispers against my mouth while her hips move against me.

I move one hand in her hair to pull her back just a little. "I don't have a condom."

I'm cursing myself right now for not bringing one. I seriously don't know why the fuck I didn't think of that. We were in a hurry when we left my place, so that is probably the reason, but I should really make it a habit of shoving them in my pockets.

"Oh,"

"Yeah."

She looks at me, the wheels inside her head turning. I have no idea what she is thinking. I hope she is thinking about going to José or Mandy to ask them if they have condoms, but I'm not sure if she would be up for that since they would grab the opportunity to embarrass her some more.

"What if we..." She starts hesitant, her eyes looking at something that doesn't exist on my chest. "What if we don't use one? I mean, just this one time?"

Suddenly the whole atmosphere changes. I know I was thinking this just minutes ago when I went all caveman, but I never thought that Ana would be willing to do it without one. And here she is suggesting it herself.

"Would you... I mean, are you willing to take the risk?" I'm really trying not to sound too excited in case she changes her mind but judging the smirk on her face, I'm failing.

"We both haven't been with anyone else and I love you. Always have, always will." She looks a little shy while she says this and her cheeks are red, I think because of the excitement.

I turn us around in one swift motion. "Are you sure? What if you get pregnant?''

I know what I think about that. I would be the happiest son of a bitch in the world if Ana would be carrying my baby. I honestly can't wait to marry her and start a family since we've already lost too much time. We belong together and I will never let her go again.

"Then my baby has the best daddy in the world."

Fucking hell. I need to marry her. As soon as possible.

"If that scares you then we don't have to. I can go and ask Mandy for a condom if you want." She says almost immediately after she told me that I would be the best daddy in the world and I panic. I don't want her to go to Mandy and ask for a condom. I don't want to let her go and I do want to feel her. All of her.

But, her saying this also makes me realize where we are. All the feelings made me forget it for a second, but we are in her apartment, that she shares with her two friends who are drunk while they are having a party in the living room. Jesus, here it is. I'm going all emotional.

"It doesn't scare me at all, baby. You have no idea what it does to me to hear you say this." I peck her lips. "But I don't want to do it here. Not now while there are drunk as fuck people in your home who can burst in here any moment and I don't want to hear this awful music in the background."

"No, wait," she says, eyes wide. "I can lock the door. And I'll ask them to turn down the music." The look on her face is priceless. She looks so worked up, even though she came two times already. She should know how I'm feeling.

"Baby, you won't. You will pack a bag with enough clothes for a few days, you'll change into something comfortable and then you'll follow me to my car so I can take you back to my house." I chuckle. I love that the idea of us doing it without a condom turns her on this much.

"Christian," she whines while I push her to the side and get off the bed to get dressed. "You have condoms at your place. And you can't possibly drive while you are like that." She nods to my hard dick.

"I can. Years of abstinence taught me that." I button my jeans with difficulty and grab my shirt from the floor. "And if you don't change your mind during the drive back, you can throw them all away."

* * *

"Hi, Boy," I say to Bobby who is greeting us as I open the door. "Love to hang out with you, but it will have to wait until later," I tell him, making Ana, who is currently hanging upside down over my shoulder, giggle.

The ride to my house was long, frustrating and sexy at the same time. We didn't speak much and Ana's hands were wondering the whole time. It started with an innocent hand just above my knee but soon her hands were all over me. I deserve a goddamned medal for not pulling the car over and fucking here right in the front seat of my car.

"Poor Bobby. He just wanted us to pet him for a bit." I hear from behind me.

"He'll have to wait. I need more petting right now." I chuckle while walking straight to the bedroom. In the meantime, I feel Ana's hands move down to my ass.

"You sure take your squads seriously, Mr. Grey." She mumbles as her hands squeeze.

I walk into the bedroom and throw her on my bed as soon as it's within reach, making her yelp and then giggle.

"I love making you giggle like that," I tell her while I climb on top of her.

"Good. Because you are the reason I can finally giggle like that again."

I look at her and smile. I can't help it, she amazes me on so many levels. "I love you." I touch her nose with mine and enjoy this feeling. Pure Intimacy.

"I love you too." She whispers. "Now, I think it is time for you to get naked."

She doesn't need to tell me this twice. I hop off the bed and remove my clothes in record time. I've been hard for what feels like hours and I need her now.

Once I'm out off my clothes, I jump back on the bed and move my hands up Ana's legs to remove her underwear. She is just as desperate as me because she has already unzipped her dress and she is now trying to get it off.

She didn't even change before we left. She just grabbed a bag and dropped a few clothes in it before she sprinted out of the bedroom, pulling me with her. I forced her to say goodbye to Mandy and José which she did while scolding, and then she ran down the stairs and to my car like she was afraid I would drive away without her.

I help her remove her dress before lying on top of her once again. Feeling her naked body underneath me like this is almost enough for me to come. The fact that her hands are roaming over my back and ass while she nibbles on my neck, is making it even harder to keep the little control I still have.

"You are so sexy, Ana. I need you." I manage to get out. She completely owns me.

She moans against my neck and nods her head. One of her hands moves to my front and grabs my erection. She strokes it a couple of times before I feel her guide me towards her so that my tip is making contact with her warm skin, making me hiss. I need her around me, now.

"Are we really doing this?" She whispers right before I want to push forward. Her head is leaning against mine and her blue eyes lock with mine. She sounds unsure all of the sudden and it makes me stop in my tracks.

I try to search for anything in her expression that tells me what is going on, but I can't read her.

"I mean, are we sure that we don't need to use a condom?" She clarifies.

"If we don't, I'll probably come the moment I push inside you," I try to lighten the mood.

I know she is doubting what she said when we were in her bedroom. She probably said it in the heat of the moment, and I understand. As much as I want to feel her without anything on, everything is going very fast. I love it, but it is also overwhelming. We need more time. She needs more time.

"We don't want that," she giggles.

"We don't." I smile while moving a little so I can reach the nightstand and grab a condom.

When I have one, I open it and roll it around me while Ana watches me. Her hands move up and down my chest and her lip is pulled in between her teeth. I'm glad to see her reaction to what watching me does to her, it turns me on even more.

"I'm sorry I said that I wanted to," she says when I hover over her and slowly let myself slide inside. Her eyes roll back and she lets out the sexiest little moan I've ever heard. "Thank you."

I kiss her and set a steady pace, not too hard, not too soft, definitely deep. I don't want to hurt her, but I do want her to feel me when she wakes up tomorrow. The sexual haze that consumed us when we were in her bedroom has wined down a bit. This is more. This is love, we are making love.

I try to focus on her pleasure and push mine aside, but she is too tight and I'm too worked up. My cock is painfully hard even though it is getting a release right now. Her hands have moved to my back and ass again, where her nails are digging in my skin and dragging a path while she moans. It is driving me insane. I want her closer. Even closer than I already am. I need to be deeper.

I move up and sit on my knees and let my hands move over her body, down until I reach her upper legs. I'm still lightly moving inside of her, and when I open her legs as wide as she allows me, I have the perfect view of my dick moving in and out of her. The condom is glimmering with her arousal and her pink pussy is almost sucking me in every time I move forward. She looks sensational. We look sensational.

"Jezus Ana. We look so fucking good." I move her legs forward a little to give me more room to move and when I push into her again, she lets out a high pitched yelp. "So. Fucking. Deep."

"Yeah," she breathes. "Very."

I can tell by her red cheeks and wide eyes that she is overwhelmed and maybe even a little startled.

"Am I hurting you?" My movements slow down a bit, but I'm still deep inside her. I just can't pull back, she feels too good.

As a reaction to my question, she shakes her head while she bites her lip. Her eyes close for a brief moment before she opens them like she is processing everything real quick. "Not really. It feels good but so deep."

The way she says it makes me chuckle. She sounds amazed and shocked at the same time. It shows how little she knows about this, but it also lets me see how sensual she really is.

I pick up the pace again, feeling myself building more and more. I know I can't hold back much longer, and the need to mark her as mine returns. I move my right hand from her leg to her pussy, where I start to rub her clit. I need her to come with me.

The moment my hand touches her nub, she tries to close her legs. I'm just in time to prevent it by grabbing her leg with my left hand. "Fuck no. Don't you dare, Ana. Open up for me."

"It's too much."

I shake my head. "It is never too much. Open. Those. Legs."

She does as I say immediately, completely giving over like she didn't just tell me it is too much. I'm pounding into her with full force now and my thumb is working on her clit rapidly. I can feel her legs tightening and her back starts to arch. My skin is slamming against hers and just when I feel her pussy starting to contract around me, I feel that I'm there as well.

I pull back out of her and remove the condom just in time to shoot all over her pubic bone and lower stomach. Her body is shaking and I slow the movements on her clit while I try to catch my breath and take her in.

Her head is thrown back and her perky tits are sticking out. Her back is still lifted from the bed and legs are stiff and stretched around me. I'm lazily stroking my cock with my free hand, making sure that every drop lands on her.

When I feel spent, I move both of my hands to her skin and rub me all over her. Marked. Owned. Mine.

"That feels very sticky," she giggles, her eyes still closed and her breathing still fast.

"To remember that I'll stick around then."

The moment I say it, I roll my eyes and Ana starts laughing loudly. Fucking Christ, it is also very clear that I haven't been with anyone. Who the hell says that right after THAT?

I feel her hands in my hair. "It's okay, I love you anyway," she smiles.

The way she says it, makes my heart beat go faster. I have waited so long to hear that, it does something to me now that she is actually saying it.

"I love you."

* * *

"I just don't understand how anyone doesn't prefer a book over an e-reader. I mean, I love to run my fingers over the pages, ravishing them while I read, you know?"

We are lying on my bed, Ana her head on my chest while her fingers trace my tattoo. We have been talking about all things not important and I truly feel as if I got to know her better.

I love to know the little things about her. Things that absolutely don't make sense, but mean so much at the same time. They show me who the real Ana is and every time she tells me something, I fall in love a little more.

"Yeah, but you can only carry a few at once because they are heavy. An e-reader gives you the possibility to carry all the books you like, right in your bag."

This discussion makes no sense at all, but it feels so normal and right to talk about stupid shit.

"You can only read one book at once as well, so that really doesn't make sense." She giggles.

"It does when you need to take a flight and you are stuck to a certain weight policy."

"You're right. That would be the only reason to have one," she signs. "I'm just not really keen on all the changes. Everything is digital nowadays. Even friendships, like on Facebook and Instagram and stuff. You can track everybody down in just a few clicks. Imagine all the freaks that can look you up. The thought scares me, nothing is private anymore."

"I'm kind of feeling offended right now. I'm not that much of a freak."

She shifts her head so she can look at me. "What do you mean?"

"The moment Facebook was launched, the first thing I did was look for an Anastasia Steele," I confess. "I kept searching for two years but I never saw you so I willed myself to stop doing it. I was getting more depressed every time I didn't find you."

"Oh,' she whispers. "So you have Facebook?"

I nod my head. "The only reason I made a profile was that I was able to search on their website that way though. I'm not really doing anything else with it. We also have a page for Grey Construction and I have to admit that we do get more projects because of it."

"I never thought about doing that. My dad always thought me to be as private as possible. I guess because he was in the military and stuff, he just didn't want to be noticed. I wish I had made a profile now though. We would've found each other sooner." She sounds sad all of a sudden and I don't like that at all. We need to stop with going on and on about the what if's. We are together now, and that is what matters.

"You know, I had that idea when I was in college," I attempt to change the subject.

"What idea?"

"Facebook. I swear. I was thinking about it, how there should be some kind of system where you can look for people online. It was my idea and I was seriously thinking about doing something with it. Then suddenly one fucking Zuckerberg comes along and he is now a multimillionaire. Fucking shithead."

"Well, Mr. Grey, there is a saying that fits here; you snooze, you lose." Ana snorts. "Besides, look at your house and what you've achieved. You are not doing so bad yourself."

"You're right," I smile and kiss the top of her head. "I'm happy with what I got. Especially now that I have you here, in my house."

"Good," she kisses my chest. "What are you doing tomorrow?"

"I need to meet with Elliot. I'm having an important appointment with a potential client on Monday, and we need to go discuss a few things regarding that. Besides that, my parents always organize a brunch for the family on Sunday."

The thought of bringing Ana along to brunch pops into my mind. I would love to take her with me. I just know that mom and Mia would be over the moon about the fact that I'm finally taking someone home.

"That's nice."

"Yeah," I pull her a little closer to me. "Do you want to come with me?"

She looks up at me again, a shy smile brightens her face. "I would love to."

I smile and nod my head. After all the bullshit they gave me over these past years, about how I needed to go out and meet someone, I finally can take Ana home and show her off. I'm curious if mom will recognize her. I think Mia probably wouldn't, but mom might.

"Is your whole family coming?"

She sounds a bit nervous and it makes me smile. She truly has nothing to worry about, they will love her. I know for a fact that Mia would love her since she liked Ana in Italy.

"Just my mom and dad, Mia, Elliot and his wife Kate, and Ava of course."

"Wouldn't it be weird for Ava is she sees me? Outside of school, I mean?"

"I don't think so. We can explain it to her, right? I mean, after we picked her up from school yesterday, she asked me if I liked you. We can just tell her that I do." I honestly think she wouldn't even think about it twice. She is still small. "Do you think it is weird?"

"I don't know. I mean, I am her teacher. And your brother and his wife know me as her teacher as well. What if they won't be happy about this?"

The way she is talking about this, makes me wonder if she has thought about this a little longer than just now. She sounds nervous and I can practically hear the wheels turning in her head. It makes me smile.

"They will. Trust me, they'll be happy." I kiss the top of her head. "You have nothing to worry about, Ana. I'm with you. And they will love you once they see what you do to me."

"What am I doing to you?" She is smiling now which pleases me. I don't want her to worry.

How the hell do I tell her what she is doing to me? I can't put it into words and on the other hand, I probably have hundreds of answers to this question. Right now, while she is lying naked in my arms and we are talking like this, one thing stands out though.

"You complete me."


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N: Fancy a brunch? I'm really enjoying reading all the reviews. It is so funny to see where you think this is going! Thank you for sticking with me even though the updates aren't as regularly as normal. I try to get behind the screen more often, but I need to be careful. Chapter 41, and meeting the Greys again. Not keeping you any longer, enjoy and please let me know what you think. X Milou.**

Chapter 41: Casa Grey.

"Stop with the fumbling and just relax. It is going to be fine. What can possibly go wrong, baby? Seriously, just look at yourself."

I try to stop fidgeting with the hem of my blouse but I fail miserably. I haven't been this nervous in a very long time. It feels like my first day at my new school all over again and I hate it. It is like I am that awkward, shy, traumatized and bullied girl again even though I thought that I overruled her over the years.

"I'm sorry. This is very big for me. I don't know why."

I do know why, but I feel like it is best to leave that explanation be and talk about it some other time. I suspect that he may already know why I am this nervous, but that he doesn't want to talk about it now either.

Ever since I went to therapy, I have overcome so many things. I am much more confident, I try not to take any bullshit from anyone and I've learned to love myself more than I thought was possible. But when it comes to meeting people, I just can't seem to cope.

What will they think when they see me? Will they think I'm weird? What if they don't think I am good enough? How will they react when they hear about what happened in high school? All the things that once scared me are back now and I can't help but worry about all of it.

I wish I could take some more therapy to change this, but I've learned over the years that these are the scars. This is the result of years of bullying. If Leila and her gang only knew how much they decided for me when they did all those things.

"Baby," Christian's voice pulls me out of my thoughts, his hand reaching over to grab mine and move it to his mouth to kiss my knuckles. "I understand that this is a big thing for you. It is just as big for me. And I can assure you that my parents will probably be a little off at first as well since I've never brought anyone along but trust me, they will just be happy." He smiles. "And maybe Mia and Kate will be a little in your face, but they mean it well."

"Oh God," I mumble.

I know he is trying to make me feel more relaxed, but instead of that I only feel more pressure right now. I have seen Kate many times while she brought Ava to school, and every time she looked flawless. Even when she claimed she was late because Ava didn't listen, she looked as if she had all the time in the world to get ready. As for Mia, I remember her being very passionate about fashion and designers and she was also very pretty. If she is still anything like her sixteen-year-old self, they will have a field with plain Ana. I feel intimidated already.

I look down at my clothes. It's simple and I think it is good enough for brunch. Black skinny jeans with my favorite ankle boots and a beige blouse with a V neck. Nothing special but it is me and I felt comfortable in it when I walked out of the house. Right now, I'm starting to doubt everything though.

"You look amazing and you are amazing," Christian says as if he knows exactly what I'm thinking. "And I'll be right here, next to you."

His words calm me somewhat. Next to me. He will be next to me and he thinks I am good enough. That should be the most important thing.

"Ready?" Christian is looking at me questioningly and we have stopped driving. When I look outside, I see a huge house. Honestly, it looks like a house that I used to make when I was playing Sims. It is even more impressive than Christian's house and he freaking build it himself.

"I could've known," I mumble while rolling my eyes, making Christian chuckle.

"I promise you that it looks more intimidating than it is."

I don't have time to respond because Christian moves out of the car right after he finished his sentence. Like the true gentleman he is, he walks around the car and opens the door for me. When I step out, he grabs my hand reassuringly, keeping his promise from the start. He'll be right here, next to me.

As we walk to the front door, I will myself to relax. My palms are sweating and my heart is probably beating twice as fast, but I try not to let it show. Fortunately, I don't have long to dwell on it, because before I know it we are standing in front of the door while Christian is ringing the bell.

Almost immediately after the bell stops ringing, the door is opened by a young, blonde woman. She looks like she is in her twenties and she is wearing a formal outfit.

"Mr. Grey, welcome home. Can I take your coat?" The smile on her face tells me that she is happy to see him. Too happy for my liking. Also, she completely ignores me which annoys me even more.

"Thanks, Gretchen, I'm good. Where is everybody?"

I don't know why Christian doesn't introduce me but I think she is part of the staff. How can he say that it is not as intimidating as it looks when they have people who take the coats?

"They are in the dining room. Everybody is already here." Gretchen smiles and then walks away.

Just great. Everybody is already here and waiting for Christian to arrive.

"Did you tell them that you were bringing someone?" I whisper while I let him drag me along to what I suppose is the dining room.

The smirk on his face tells me he didn't. This keeps getting better and better.

Without answering my question or even explaining why he didn't, he walks through the living room and into the dining room. I look around while we are walking and I can not believe why Christian said that it isn't that intimidating. This place is gorgeous. I feel like I am in some kind of fancy palace. And they are so neat.

As we move closer to the dining area, I already hear the chatter of Ava above all the other voices and surprisingly is calms me somewhat. At least one person will like me.

The moment Christian and I step into the big dining area, we find everybody standing around the table. Elliot is the first one to notice us since he is facing us and the smile on his face instantly widens.

"Look who we have here," he nods his head, drawing the attention to Christian and me.

On cue, every head turns. I recognize Christian's parents, who are standing next to each other to my right. Christian's mom looks pleasantly surprised when she sees us while Christian's dad seems a bit shocked. On the left side, I see Mia who's eyes are wide and has a huge smirk on her face.

"Uncwle Chwissie!" The high pitched voice of Ava breaks the silence and Christian is just in time to catch the little girl who is running towards him and jumping in his arms enthusiastically. God, his arms. He is so huge, especially when he is holding Ava.

"Hi, little clown," Christian says while hugging her to him tightly. "I missed you."

"Me miss you," she replies. Her tiny hands are on his cheeks. It looks adorable.

When she is done with examining Christian's face, her head turns to me. A small, shy smile forms her lips before she turns to Christian again. "You like Miss Ama?"

Christian laughs and nods his head before he looks at me and puts Ava back to the ground. "I like her a whole lot. You too, right?"

The smart girl nods her head, eyes wide and then looks at me again. "Hi, Ava." I smile. "You look very pretty." I nod towards her white dress with pink flowers and her smile instantly widens.

"Imma princess," she yells while circling in rounds while her dress flows in the air. She is adorable and so much more outgoing now that she is surrounded by people that she knows. It is fun to see this side of her.

"You like uncwle Chwis?" She has stopped spinning and her big eyes look up at me questioningly.

I nod my head while I feel my cheeks heat up. Not because she is asking this, but because I can feel everybody's eyes on me. Christian pulls me against him by my hand and I feel him squeezing it three times to reassure me. It helps.

She smiles and then runs back to her mom like she wants to share the biggest secret. Her mom is standing right across from us and is looking at Christian and me with huge interest. I really wish Christian would've said something about me beforehand.

"Christian, so good to see you," his mom says while walking to us. She seems to be the first one to get over her surprise and hugs Christian as a greeting.

"Hi, mom," he hugs back her while still holding my hand. The fact that he does that makes me feel safe.

When they pull back from their brief hug, Christian's mom turns to me. She has a smile on her face and by the look she is giving me, I'm almost sure that she remembers me.

"Anastasia, isn't it?"

I nod my head and smile. "Yes. Ana is okay though, nobody really calls me Anastasia."

We look at each other for a second and I am not sure what to say. I would thank her for the invitation, but since she didn't invite me and Christian didn't even tell her he was bringing me, that would be weird.

"Welcome, Ana. It is nice to see you again. You remember Carrick, I suppose?" She asks while she nods to Christian's dad, who is now standing next to her.

I nod my head again. "Mr. Grey, nice to see you again. Your home is lovely." I take the hand he is offering me and I can't help but notice that the smile on his face looks a bit forced.

"Thank you, Ana," He says before he turns to Christian. "Quite the surprise, son. Nice of you to inform us."

Christian's grip on my hand tightens and I feel very uncomfortable by the comment his dad makes. He is right though, Christian should have at least told them he would bring someone.

"When was I supposed to do that? You're never available," Christian counters quite forceful. I have no idea what's going on between the two of them, but it makes me feel out of place.

"Oh my God, Chris," Mia pipes up, thankfully. She gives Christian a big hug. "This is like a romantic movie!" She squeals and then pulls me into the hug as well. She is excited.

When she pulls back, she takes the opportunity to look me up and down. It makes me feel very aware of myself and to make it a little more difficult, I feel Christan's hand slip out of mine. I see him walk towards Kate and Elliot, who are standing next to each other now. Kate still looks very surprised and a little clueless while Elliot has a huge smile on his face as he hugs Christian. After that, Ava doesn't know how fast she can jump into Christian's arms again. The sight gives me butterflies in my stomach for a moment, they look so cute and it really suits him.

Mrs. Grey is also walking over to them. She seems genuinely happy that Christian has brought me along now that she is over the first shock. Mr. Grey, however, is still looking quite sour. I have a feeling he isn't that happy about this and the way that he and Christian greeted each other just now, makes me think that it isn't just about the fact that Christian didn't inform them about his plus one.

"You look amazing," Mia says, getting my attention back on her.

She hasn't changed much to my surprise. She still seems very outgoing and open.

"Thanks, you too," I smile.

"Alright, I obviously am the only one who doesn't understand a single thing of what is happening here," Kate mutters while she is looking from Mia to me and then at Christian.

"Kate, this is Ana," Christian reaches for me and mentions for me to get to him. When I am within reach, he grabs my hand and pulls me against him. "I fell in love with her in Italy and after ten years, I've finally found her again."

His sweet way of introducing me makes me blush and smile at the same time. He fell in love with me ten years ago and never stopped loving me after, even though he didn't have contact with me. He stayed true to me and never had anyone else and on top of it all, he takes me home to introduce me properly after just meeting me again two days ago. God, he is amazing.

Kate has a smile on her face as if what he just said explains everything. She looks happy, relieved and endeared. Without saying anything, her arms wrap around me to give me a hug. Again, it is very unexpected.

"Kate, let the girl acclimatize will you," Elliot says before he pulls her away from me. "It's so good to finally see you, Ana."

I don't know these people but they make me feel so welcomed and they act as if they already know me. Christian was probably right when he said that it wouldn't be so bad. Except for his dad maybe, he doesn't seem very happy about this.

"Please, let's sit," Mrs. Grey says. She looks so excited about finally getting everybody around the table with food which looks very good. There are all different types of toast and bread, fresh fruit, eggs and so much more. It makes me wonder if there is anything to celebrate. At home, we never do this, not even when it is Christmas.

Christian leads me to a chair and makes sure to pull it out for me before he takes the chair next to mine. Across from me Elliot and Kate take the seats and next to me is Mia.

Thankfully everybody starts to eat and make conversation, so not everything is focussed on me. Actually, most of the attention goes to Ava, who clearly enjoys it. She is a bit naughty and tries to make everybody laugh while she plays with her food, even though both of her parents repeatedly tell her to stop. I have trouble with keeping a straight face, as does Christian. I can see he is trying really hard not to laugh.

"Stop it, Chris," Elliot mumbles. He is keeping his voice down so that Ava doesn't hear it and it makes it even funnier because Ava totally sees Christian laughing.

While eating, the conversation is flowing easily. There isn't any particular focus on me which I'm thankful for, but it also surprises me. Christian hasn't taken home anyone and yet now that he does, they act like it is the most normal thing in the world.

But just as I move my hand to get Christian's attention away from his brother and their conversation about the meeting for tomorrow, Mia speaks.

"So, Chris and Ana, how did you two came into contact again? Since Ava knows you, Ana, I assume it has something to do with her?"

Here we go.

I feel Christian's eyes on me and when I look up, he looks at me like he wants to ask me if I want to tell them. I give him a small nod, telling him that the honor is his. I am honestly curious how Christian will tell the story.

"Well, Friday Elliot needed to pick Ava up from school because Kate couldn't make it, and since he drove with me to work that morning, I needed to give him a ride back as well. When I came through the door of Ava her school, I first didn't even notice Ana because that little monkey over there," he nods to Ava who is now completely focused on the phone her dad gave her a minute ago, "was jumping in my arms the moment she saw me. Not surprisingly of course. I would do that too if my dad picked me up late." He smirks.

"Seriously, you were late?!" Kate her eyes are wide with disbelief while she smacks Elliot's arm, making Christian laugh.

Elliot on his turn gives Christian a middle finger. "Just by five minutes baby and Ava didn't even mind. She got to help Ana with cleaning up, right Ana?"

Before I can answer, Christian replies again, just as fast. "Oh no, don't drag Ana into this. You are on your own."

Elliot rolls his eyes and Kate has a smirk on her face while she watches the two brothers. In the meantime, Mia gets inpatient.

"Alright, very informative. Now back to the story," she says while clapping her hands. She is so excited. Mr. And Mrs. Grey are looking at Christian as well, waiting for him to continue with his story.

"Right, so there was a teacher standing next to the door when I came in, and just as Ava jumped into my arms, she asked Ana if she came over to meet Ava's dad." Christian continues while he grabs my hand and looks at me with a sweet smile on his face.

"When I looked up to see to who she was talking to, I immediately recognized her. At first, I didn't believe it and thought that she maybe was someone that looked exactly like her, but when she walked towards me, I knew it was her."

His hand squeezes mine again, following a beat where he squeezes and let's go in a steady rhythm. It reminds me of a heartbeat. As a response, I squeeze his hand every time his grip loosens, making his smile widen.

"That is so romantic. What are the odds!" Mia claps her hands while Mrs. Grey and Kate nod their heads in agreement.

"Indeed," Mr. Grey mumbles before he takes a sip from his orange juice. He really does not seem happy at all and I can't help but wonder if it's because of me.

Christian notices it too because he is looking at his dad disappointed for a very brief moment before the expression disappears and he turns to the others again.

"We talked for a moment and then decided that it would be a good idea to have dinner to catch up. During dinner we both realized then that our feelings were still very strong and that we both want to see where this can go."

I blush and look down at our hands as I remember everything that happened during our 'dinner'. The feelings were very strong indeed.

"How are your parents, Ana? Did you tell them that you found each other again?" Mr. Grey asks, taking both me and Christian by surprise.

He hasn't even reacted to the things that Christian just said and the way he asks the question makes it even weirder. I can't shake the feeling that something is seriously bothering him about me being here with his son.

Christian looks at me, asking me with his eyes if he needs to answer the question but I shake my head. I think it is best if I answer myself. That way I can keep certain parts out.

"They are good. Thank you for asking." I try to be polite, even though I really don't like the way Mr. Grey is looking at me. "They were very surprised to see Christian, just like yourself."

"Of course they are," Mrs. Grey speaks up while she looks at her husband in confusion. "It is not every day that something like this happens. But it is very wonderful that you two found each other." The smile on her face is genuine and it makes me feel a little bit better. At least she doesn't dislike me like her husband.

"I need to know what happened in Italy," Kate says excitedly, turning the attention to her. I'm happy she did and I can tell Christian is as well.

"How about we save that story for when we have coffee in a minute, I'd love to hear that one as well since Christian never really talked about it after Italy." Mrs. Grey says while she stands from the table and starts collecting the empty plates to clean up.

Christian rolls his eyes briefly before he nods his head. "Don't worry, I won't tell about the fireworks," he mumbles in my ear before he kisses the shell, making me giggle.

"Alright, I'll help." Kate stands from the table as well so she can help clean up. She looks so different from when I see her when she drops off Ava. She is still drop dead gorgeous, but she looks more casual and at ease. I can tell her job is really asking a lot of her.

I let go of Christian's hand and stand from the table so I can help cleaning up as well. As I stand, I feel Christian's hand move over my body. From my shoulder to my behind, moving down as I stand up.

Just one simple touch and my whole body is on fire. He puts no effort into it, yet my heartbeat is going crazy and my breathing quickens instantly.

Fireworks, literally.

* * *

"And when I woke up, I knew that it was the day I was dreading. She was leaving. As promised, I was there when she got into the cab, and we said goodbye. As I look back now, I should've told what I felt but I was too stubborn to admit it. I saw her drive away, and I can honestly say that I've never felt the way I did at that moment."

We are all sitting in the living room drinking our coffee, and Christian has just finished telling about our summer in Italy. Everybody was listening to him intently, never interrupting him while he talked.

"Wow," Kate breathes before sipping from her now cold coffee. Her other hand is stroking Ava her head which is on her lap. She fell asleep right after we sat in the living room. "Talking about a summer romance."

"And you know what Kate? It gets even better!" Mia excitedly claps her hands. "Because just an hour after Ana drove away, Christian realized that he needed to at least get her number and he went after her."

"It didn't get better, Mia. You just like that part because you were there," Christian rolls his eyes. "Mia was pushing me to do something, so miss Grey ended up at the reception to ask for Ana's contact information, embarrassing the fuck out of me. Of course, she didn't get it, but she did manage to get the flight number. We jumped into a cab and went to the airport but they obviously didn't let us go anywhere near the plane. After having a little bit of hope, I was back to nothing again and it was a depressing thought."

A sad smile forms my face. I can't help but think about what would've happened if he did get to me. We would've had contact and I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't have slit my wrist then. Why isn't real life just like a stupid romantic comedy?

"But Christian, you never talked about it. Why didn't you tell us?" Mrs. Grey asks. She looks disappointed and sad.

He rolls his eyes yet again. His attitude towards his parents really surprises me. "And then what?"

"I don't know, we could've been there for you." His mother mutters. Her cheeks are slightly red and I think she is a little embarrassed.

"That wouldn't have helped."

"And let's not forget what kind of guy our son was," Mr. Grey says. He is looking at Christian in a way that screams disgust and it makes me feel horrible. What is his problem?

I can feel Christian tense beside me. Mrs. Grey mutters a soft "Carrick" while her eyes focus on her son. I think she hopes that Christian doesn't reply to her husband's comment.

"Whatever he was, Ana sure as hell changed that." Elliot pipes up, obviously feeling the tension as well. "I can tell. He moved heaven and earth to find her when he moved out after Italy. After weeks of searching, he found her and we went to Savannah to visit her. Only then we-"

"Thanks, Ell, enough." Christian interrupts, the tension still radiating from his body.

Oh no.

"What? No! What happened? You found her?" Kate excitedly shrieks.

All eyes are on Christian and me and I have no idea what to do. I know why Christian doesn't want to talk about this, I had the same thought when I told them about my parents. He doesn't want to tell them what my father did, simply because I didn't tell them. Not to talk about the fact that if he tells them, the subject of me harming myself is the only logical subject to discuss next.

"Nothing. She moved. We didn't find her." Christian answers after a long silence in which he looks at Elliot, forcing him to shut his mouth.

Confusion is written over their faces, but Christian doesn't seem to care. Instead, he stands from the couch and offers me his hand. I take it without question and stand as well.

"We should get going," he mumbles.

Confusion doubles on their faces, but Christian doesn't give it any attention. He just walks over to his mom, pulling me along as he does. His mom stands, looking defeated.

"Bye mom, thanks for brunch." He says and kisses her cheek.

I offer her my hand which she takes. "Thank you. It was nice seeing you again." I smile before following Christian through the living room to say goodbye to everybody.

"Was it something I said?" Kate whispers to me when I say goodbye to her. I shake my head and offer her a smile, not sure myself what is going on. I think the reaction of Mr. Grey triggered this, but I'm only guessing.

My thoughts are confirmed though when Christian walks out of the living room without saying goodbye to his dad. He wants to drag me along, but I let go of his hand and decide to say goodbye to Mr. Grey. I don't want to give him any more reason to dislike me.

"Goodbye, Mr. Grey. Thank you for the delicious food."

He nods his head and offers me a small smile. I doubt it is genuine but I don't really care at this point. I want to get to Christian and ask him if he is okay.

So, I walk out of the living room and to the hall where Christian is waiting for me. I walk up to him and put my arms around his neck. I don't know what he is thinking, but he looks like he needs a hug.

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" I mumble against his neck, making sure my lips touch his skin. The goosebumps rise as I do and even though the whole situation is confusing and awkward, I like it that he is reacting to me like this.

"Later. I just want to go home. With you."

I nod my head and follow him to the car, leaving the Grey family in their very impressive house behind. Christian really wasn't right when he said it wasn't as intimidating as it looks.


	42. Chapter 42

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! Love reading them. I hope you enjoy this one, it's one of my favorites because we get a closer look inside the Grey family. Xx**

Chapter 42: Fathers and son.

Who the hell does he think he is? Fucking asshole.

My hands are gripping the stirring wheel so hard, my knuckles are white and even though I try not to, I'm driving way harder than allowed. Rage is pumping through my veins yet again and I'm starting to believe that this weekend really did a number on my heart. It has some fucking sick pumping duty, both from excitement and anger.

"Maybe we should take a break for a second. I think you need to calm down, Christian."

She hasn't said anything since we left my parent's house ten minutes ago, probably because she had no idea what even happened in the first place and wanted me to explain that to her, but I'm happy that she speaks up now. She pulls me out of my thoughts somewhat.

I nod my head. "I know. Can I take you somewhere?" She is right, I need to stop the car and calm down for a second if I want to make the two and a half hour drive a safe one.

She nods her head and grabs one of my hands from the steering wheel. "Of course you can."

I take the first turn off the road and drive to the place I have in mind. After a five minute drive, I see the trees and the small path that leads to the open field where Elliot, grandpa and I used to make bonfires. I haven't been here since my early teenage years but it still looks exactly the same.

I park the car and get out so I can open the door for Ana but she beats me to it.

"Where are we?" She is looking around curiously while her hands rub over her arms. I think she is cold which isn't a surprise. There is a bit of a breeze and even though the sun is shining, it isn't as warm as it was when we arrived at my parents.

I move to the car and open the backdoor so I can grab a sweater for Ana. "Here, put this on. It's one of my work sweaters, but it is clean."

I watch her put the grey sweater on and a wave of pride washes over me. Grey Constructions is written on the front and for a second I just enjoy that. Ana wearing something that says Grey. She could use the sweater as a dress since it is so big, but she looks so good in it, way too good. I need to let her wear my clothes more often, it does something to me.

"Thanks," she smiles. "Are you going to tell me where we are?"

I grab her hand and start walking down the path. "I used to come here with my grandfather and Elliot. We would camp here for a night and make bonfires and my granddad would tell us stories."

"I remember that you told me that when we were sitting at the bonfire in Italy. Did you win the famous marshmallow bet here?"

Does she actually remember that? Jesus fuck, and here I was thinking that I was an idiot for remembering every little detail she told me.

"I can't believe you remember that."

"How could I forget? I honestly kept thinking about it for a long time. It amazed me how you managed to get that many marshmallows into your mouth without choking or throwing up. It still impresses me and at the same time, I still have doubts about it."

I laugh at her remark. "Well, you can ask Elliot next time you see him. I'm sure he remembers it as well. He probably will cry again when you ask him about it." I chuckle. "Or we'll make a bonfire ourselves some time and I'll show you. My mouth is very talented, you know." I wink, making her blush instantly. God, I fucking love that.

"Your grandfather would be shocked right now, Mr. Grey."

"I think he would be damn proud. He once told us a story, right on that field, about a princess and how she choose the bad guy because she felt alive when she was with him. I'd say that little story is pretty close to reality now."

"Charmer," she murmurs, her cheeks still deliciously red. "You aren't even a bad guy."

I smile and look at the open space that comes closer while thinking back about the times I walked this exact path. I was always eager to get on an adventure with gramps, just like Elliot. And gramps enjoyed it as well, just us boys, doing boy stuff and telling stories.

When we reach the open field, I instantly feel calmer. The smell is still the same and because the trees are shedding the field somewhat, the breeze isn't as hard as before.

I pull Ana with me to a tree that is lying on the ground. "Let's sit."

Ana nods her head and takes a seat next to me. She moves to me as close as possible, her arms linked through mine while her head rests on my shoulder. Her hand strokes the inside of my upper arm, her other rests on my thigh. She has the power to calm me completely, just by touching me and it is amazing. It is what I needed for so long.

For a moment I just stare at the trees, how they sway with the wind and make the shadows on the grass dance, not saying anything. Grandpa would tell a story about how the trees come to life if he would see this. Fuck, sometimes I forget how much I actually miss him and how much he did for me.

After a few minutes of being completely silent, I start my explanation because I can tell Ana is almost dying out of curiosity. "I'm sorry for storming out like that, I just needed to get away from there. I felt as if I was suffocating."

"It's okay," she immediately responds. "Why though? What was all that between your dad and you?"

I sign and think about her question. In a way, I know why dad reacted like this since we've always had a difficult relationship but the way he reacted towards Ana is something I don't understand.

"What you just saw, is really how I know my dad. I don't remember him as a nice and spontaneous man that enjoys spending time with his family. When I was little, he was always curt and serious, never paying attention to his kids like a good father but always busy with work and he was hardly ever home." I start, my hand finding Ana's hand that is resting on my thigh.

"When he was home, he was always busy with Mia. He hardly paid attention to Elliot and me, and when he did it was mostly about school or because we did something that he didn't like. So, Elliot and I quickly learned to entertain ourselves, without being too much of a burden for him. We were small, and I don't think we really minded it. Mom was always loving, and we always had each other."

"Of course, mom was working too. She was a doctor at the hospital and even though she really tried to combine her work with being home as well, she sometimes wasn't able to. In those cases, we would always go to our grandparents. Elliot, Mia and I loved it there. Mia played with grams while Elliot and I got all the attention from gramps. He did all the stuff that dad didn't do. We'd play football and went swimming. Build tents in the garden and when it was summer we would come here and make bonfires. There is also a little lake just a few minutes from here. We would fish there. Nothing was too much, as long as we were happy and enjoying ourselves." A smile forms my lips as I think back. He really went above and beyond, almost as if he knew what we missed at home.

"I guess you could say that my father never really was there to raise us. Work was more important to him. Work, a good name and wealth. We didn't miss him though, because we had gramps, grams, and mom. They offered us stability and security. Dad just came and went whenever he felt like it."

I feel Ana shift beside me, her head still resting on my shoulder. "How did your mom feel about that?"

"She never really showed her feelings regarding that. When she was home, she was an amazing mother. Loving and kind. And always happy, never annoyed or grumpy. She still is like that now. But I can't imagine she didn't mind the fact that she was always alone with three kids."

I think about it for a moment. Now that Ana mentions mom, it's like realization hits me for the first time. We didn't only miss a father, but she missed her husband for most of the time while raising us. The thought makes the anger I have towards him even bigger.

Ana must feel the tension radiating from me because she gently squeezes my hand two times. "Hey, relax. Tell me more."

I take a deep breath. "Everything changed when I was eleven years old. It was summer vacation and since dad was already gone to work and mom had to go to the hospital as well, we were waiting for our grandparents. They would pick us up and we would stay with them for a few days. We were so excited, even Elliot, who was thirteen and already hitting puberty pretty hard."

I swallow, feeling the lump forming in my throat as I think back. It has been a while since I talked about this and I'm surprised by the amount of pain I'm feeling right now.

"We kept waiting and waiting, but after a good thirty minutes, they still weren't there. Mom first thought that they might have forgotten to pick us up and tried calling them, but they didn't pick up the phone which meant that they weren't at home. I remember feeling worried. I knew that they would never forget us and they were always on time to pick us up. I think I already knew deep down that something was wrong."

"Because mom was in a hurry, she decided to bring us to them herself. Their house was only fifteen minutes from ours, so we all got in the car and drove away. We were driving a few minutes when we saw three police cars blocking the road. I remember mom moving out of the car as if she knew instantly what had happened. She ran to one of the officers and they talked for seconds before she fell to her knees and started crying uncontrollably." I hear my voice tremble as I speak, still seeing the image of mom crying on the concrete.

Ana moves and climbs onto my lap like she always does when one of us needs comfort. Her head buried in my neck while her lips nip softly at my skin. The small gesture makes me feel better instantly. This is something that screams us. She did it when we were in Italy and I am so glad that she still does it now. She heals me.

"Are you okay?" She mumbles.

I nod my head and tighten my arms around her waist. I want to tell her this, I just need to make sure that the emotions don't take the upper hand.

"They were driving to our house when the car had gone off the road. We still don't know why it went off the road, but their car crashed against a tree and both of them were dead instantly. We never saw the car or my grandparents since one of the officers drove us to the nearest police station, but my mom saw everything. She saw her parents and the crashed car."

"The months after the accident, mom was in a really dark place. She cried a lot, didn't go to work and mostly spend her days in her bedroom. Surprisingly, dad was there for her and for us. He made sure everything was settled at home and that we went to school after the summer was over. It was almost as if we suddenly had a father that cared and I remember thinking that the accident at least gave us that, but unfortunately that wasn't the case."

I feel her nails scratch my neck as I speak. She has pulled her head out of my neck and she looks at me, her eyes showing the emotion that is caused by the story I'm telling her.

"Mom eventually pulled herself together again, and when that happened everything turned back to how it was, only this time my grandparents weren't there. As a result, Elliot and I both got a bit out of hand. By the time I was thirteen, I went to parties with Elliot and discovered alcohol, much to the disgust of our dad. When girls and sex came into play, dad lost it completely. We didn't talk, and when we did it always ended up in a fight."

"I know that my behavior wasn't the easiest to deal with, especially for my parents. I mean, obviously, you are pissed when your thirteen-year-old son comes home drunk as fuck way past midnight, along with his equally drunk brother, but it all had a reason. And dad just didn't care. He only took the opportunity to tell us yet again what a waste we were."

"The years past in which dad didn't get grip on me. I was rude, frustrated and everything that any normal teenager was. I think that my dad gave up at some point. And then they took me to Italy. Looking back now, I think it was my dad his last attempt to talk some sense into me or something, to make our relationship better but I hated it. I hated that I had to go with them. I made a scene and refused to pack my suitcase right before we went to the airport but mom and dad forced me to go. I was so angry, and I decided that I would fuck every girl and get drunk every night just to mess with dad. And then I met you."

A smile forms Ana's lips and her blue eyes shine. It warms my heart and overrules all the negative feelings I have when I talk about my dad.

"Thank God they forced you to go," she mumbles while she strokes her nose against mine.

I nod in agreement. "Yeah. Only dad wasn't too happy about me meeting you there either," I tell her. When she looks at me with a puzzled expression, I continue.

"He warned me to not treat you like the girls at home. He said that I couldn't ruin your vacation like that. I kind of had a reputation back home, you know, with girls." I don't know why, but telling her this makes me nervous, even though it was all before her.

"I kind of suspected that," she mumbles. "How much of a reputation did you have?"

"The kind where I would have sex with a girl just one or two times before moving onto the next one and I would brag about it to my friends. Sex was something that gave me power. I felt like a hunter and I saw the girls as my prey. If I saw a girl that I wanted, I made sure that I got her. Every time. At the time I wouldn't admit it but I used them. I used all those girls and I didn't even care that I'd hurt them in the end. I have to say that I was always honest about that I only wanted sex, but those girls always thought that they could change me. That I would fall in love if they tried hard enough. I didn't believe in love I guess, so it never happened. Until you, and you didn't even try."

Ana's cheeks turn pink and her teeth bite her lip. She looks so gorgeous. "I still remember how shocked I was that you talked to me on that beach. You were so handsome and I was just me. I didn't understand why you talked to me."

She still has no idea how amazing she is. How amazing she was in Italy. If she'd even know a little bit of how I really felt after Italy, she'd be shocked to find out how obsessed I was with her.

"I still remember how you fucking swept me off my feet when you bumped into me. Honestly, Ana, I was watching all the girls on the beach that day, but you just stood out. Your eyes captivated me from the start. And your body, Goddamn Jesus." I grip her ass and give it a firm squeeze, proving my point and making her giggle.

"I hated my body. At school, they told me I was fat."

"Idiots. Fucking idiots. You know that now, right?"

She nods her head. "I guess. Sometimes I'm still uncomfortable about it. When I'm wearing something tight for example. I think that will always stay, but in general, I'm happy with my body."

"Me too, baby," I say before pecking her lips and continuing with the story. "When we came back from Italy, I moved into a dorm and went to college which was a relief for both me and my dad. We didn't saw each other except for when I was home for a weekend which didn't happen often. The only thing we talked about was school. He asked me how it went and I always told him the same; that it was fine. Of course, I was lying. I was fucking everything up and after Elliot and I came back from Savannah, it only got worse."

"I was more drunk than sober and I didn't even bother coming out of bed. I just messed around and drowned myself in alcohol, hoping that missing you would be easier that way. I thought that I would get away with all the shit until my parents got the message that I was kicked out of school. I had expected that they would be pissed and mom indeed was, but dad wasn't pissed. He was furious. I have never seen him that angry. He went above and beyond and asked my school for a second chance, but they didn't give it to me. He was out of his mind and he didn't speak to me for months."

"And that got even worse when Elliot and I started Grey Constructions. Elliot was in his last year of college when we decided to go for it, and he dropped out as well. I actually thought that dad would be proud of us, of me, that I finally was passionate about something, but I was the wrong again. He was mad because I had talked Elliot into some 'low key' business."

"He still hasn't forgiven me that. Even not now that we have actually accomplished something. He still looks down on us, especially on me."

Ana has been quiet for a while now and I'm not sure if she is still with me, but when I look up, I find her blue eyes staring at me intently.

"Does Elliot feel the same about your dad?" She asks after a few moments of silence.

I shake my head. "Not really. At least not as bad as I do. When Elliot started dating Kate when he was twenty, he became more serious about life and dad liked that. I guess that is also one of the reasons dad is annoyed with me. I never brought anyone home. You know that I haven't been with anyone else, but my parents don't know that. They think I fucked around. My mom and dad have been together since they were seventeen, and they think that that is how it should be. Elliot found Kate when he was young and he ended up marrying her. And now they have Ava, whom my dad completely adores. I am the outcast that does everything different and dad can't stand that. I am not good enough, never was, never will."

It feels good to tell Ana all this. Nobody knows about this, about how I feel about it, and it is a relief to finally tell somebody. Talking about it now makes me realize how much it actually does to me, how worthless it makes me feel that my own father has never tried to bond with me.

We stay silent for God knows how long. Ana is stroking my back while she is looking to the trees behind me, no doubt thinking over everything I've said to her. I just look at her, at her gorgeous face. I take in every little feature, her cute nose, and her long lashes. Her full lips and her flushed cheeks. She is here, with me. And she thinks I am good enough.

"Why do you think he doesn't like me?" Her soft voice asks. She doesn't look at me, her gaze is still fixated on the trees behind me, but her tone tells me she feels sad about how he treated her and the anger comes back full force.

Fucking asshole. After everything, Ana went through, after her fighting to get stronger, he treats her like she isn't worthy. I need to make sure that she knows she is. That she is worth everything. So, I grab her chin and force her to look at me. Her blue eyes instantly lock with mine the moment I do so.

"This isn't about him not liking you. This whole thing is about him not liking me. He probably still doesn't think that I deserve you. Or maybe he just wants to fuck me up some more and tries to do it by treating you like that. Trust me, baby."

My lips find hers again, more passionate now than before and I try to pour everything I feel for her into the kiss. She meets me in my actions, her lips are just as demanding as mine and her tongue is forcefully trying to get control over my mouth. Fucking hell, her kisses make me weak.

When she pulls back, her breathing is heavy and her pupils are wide. Her hands are tangled in my hair and her lips are wet and slightly parted. I think she is turned on too, but mostly I see love. Unconditional love, I see it in her eyes.

"You deserve me," her voice is soft and breathy and I can tell she means every word.

I smile and nod my head. "I know."

If there is one thing I am sure of, it is that I deserve Ana. I have fought for her and I have waited for her, desperately. And in the end, she came back to me. I did a lot of fucked up things, but Ana isn't one of them. I deserve her.

"We have some fucked up parents, haven't we?" She surprises me by saying, making me laugh for the first time since we've left my parents. Ana swearing is something that I definitely want to witness more often.

'We have," I agree. I look around the field and see that the sun is starting to disappear behind the trees. It is getting colder rapidly now, and since we still have to drive for a few hours, I move to stand, taking Ana with me in the process. "We should get going, it's still a long drive and we have work tomorrow. I really need to prepare a little bit for my meeting with that potential client."

She nods and grabs my hand so I can lead her to the car. "Thank you for showing me this place and telling me about your grandparents."

I smile and look back one more time before looking at her. "You're welcome," I whisper against her head. "I love talking about them, it keeps them alive in my memories. I don't want to be sad about losing them all the time. I want to honor them by looking back at the beautiful and loving childhood they gave me. That's also why I took that tattoo. When I came back from Savannah, I went to the shop and got that rose tattooed along with that sentence on my arm. That rose makes me feel closer to them. Just like that tattoo on my arm made me feel closer to you. I needed to be close to them and to you."

When I'm done talking, we have arrived at my car. I open the door for Ana so she can get in but instead of getting in, she turns her body towards me and wraps her arms around my neck, making sure her whole body is flush against mine.

"You are the most passionate man I know. The way you love people, so intense, it is truly amazing. I feel honored that you tattooed that sentence for me, it makes me feel special. Thank you." Her lips find mine, kissing me softly just one time before she pulls back. "I love you." She smiles and then turns around and gets into the car.

A huge smile forms my face as I walk around my car to get in as well, looking back at the path that leads to field one more time as I go.

Gramps would be damn proud of me alright.


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N: Thank you all for your patience. I hate that I still can't update as regularly, that airbag really did a number on me. To make it up to you a long, fluffy one, since I think we all need that. Hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think! xx**

Chapter 43: The Hangover.

"Can we go to my house real quick so I can grab some clothes for tomorrow?"

We are almost back home and since Christian begged me to stay with him another night, I need clothes that I can wear to work.

"Sure. After that, we can grab something to eat if you want?"

I nod my head. "Okay. But only if we'll eat Mc Donalds."

"Seriously?" He looks at me in horror. I guess he is not a fan of Mc Donalds. "You really want to eat that? I was thinking we'd go for a nice steak."

"But I really like their cheeseburgers," I pout, trying my best to let my puppy eyes get him to agree.

He rolls his eyes and avoids to look at my face. He knows I'm pouting and he also knows that he will give in the moment he looks at me. "You'd really choose them over a good steak?"

"Not always, but today I do."

"Jesus," he mumbles while he shakes his head. "We need to talk about that, baby."

"If talking about it means that you want to change my mind, then I'll pass. Nothing will change my mind."

He quirks his eyebrow and finally looks at me. "Really? How about I'll make you one of my special cheeseburgers at home? I'll bet that it will taste so much better than that dry one from Mc Donalds."

"Do you even have a famous cheeseburger or are you just saying that in hopes I'll say yes?" I giggle. I really like this. After such a heavy day with so many emotions, I love it that he can make me giggle and forget about everything. It is hard to believe that I've only been seeing him since Friday.

"If you are as tough as you act, then you'll let me make it for you and you can find it out yourself." He smirks. I can tell he is also enjoying this. God, I love him.

"I don't act tough," I laugh. "But fine, you can make me one. You better not disappoint though. It is a big deal for me to give up my cheeseburger."

"I'll never disappoint you," he seriously says, his eyes on me again. Something about the way he says it makes me blush and I have a feeling that he isn't just talking about the burger he is going to make me.

He grabs my hand and moves it to his mouth so he can kiss my palm before he nods to something outside. "We're here."

Only now I realize that the car has stopped moving and when I look through the window I see that we have arrived at my apartment.

"Are you coming with me?"

"Yeah," he nods and gets out of the car with me on his heels.

I really hope that José and Mandy cleaned up the apartment but considering how drunk they were, the change is very small. We will probably find them on the couch in pajamas while they are complaining about their heads and watching Netflix. Suddenly I am very happy that Christian insisted to stay with him another night.

The moment I open the door of our apartment, I can hear the sounds from the tv. I also see that the lights in the living room are off and that the curtains are closed. José and Mandy definitely are watching a movie.

"I'll just greet them and tell them that I'm staying with you for another night, then we'll go," I tell Christian, who nods his head and follows me to the living room.

When we enter, we find exactly what I saw in my mind. Mandy and José, both in pink pajamas, curled up against each other while watching what looks like a romantic movie. José is eating from a bowl of popcorn while Mandy is sipping orange juice. I can't count the times I have seen them sitting on the couch like this, only normally I was always in between them. I feel like I haven't spoken to them in weeks.

"Hi girls," I greet them when neither of them seems to notice that Christian and I have walked into the room which is probably caused by the fact that they are still slightly intoxicated.

Both of their head shoot up when they hear my voice. "Hi Angie," Mandy's hoarse voice says softly. She clearly has a killer hangover. She sounds horrible.

José doesn't even try to say hello. Instead, he just waves with a small smile on his face. A small smile which immediately grows the moment he sees Christian appear behind me.

Here we go.

"Oh, and Mr. Christian, hello to you too." Mandy winks while José is taking the opportunity to take another good look at Christian, now while sober.

Thankfully I see Christian smirk. "Hi. Had a good one last night I see?"

"So good," Mandy replies while getting off the couch and walking towards us. "But I owe you an apologie. I'm not really sure what I've said and done because I don't remember everything but I hope it wasn't the reason you two suddenly disappeared. Really, Angie, I'm sorry. I'm never drinking again."

I pull her in a hug while I giggle because of her promise. I know she is not going to keep that one. "It's okay. I'm just happy that I'm not finding you two in the chaos I walked away from last night."

"That's because we cleaned up," José says from the couch. "We figured that it was the least we could do considering our behavior towards Mr. Handsome."

"It wasn't that bad," Christian says.

"It was," I pipe up. "God Josy, I saved you from a huge disaster, do you remember that? If I didn't drag you off of the table while you were getting rid of all your clothes, you would've been the talk of the town and all over the internet right now. Seriously, what was that?"

Mandy giggles while José hides his head in one of the pillows that are lying next to him. He really feels worse than Mandy. He is wearing a pink robe over his pajamas and has a blanket over his legs but I can still see him shiver. He hasn't even put on make-up and that honestly never happens, only when he is seriously sick.

"I'm never watching Magic Mike again," we hear him mumble, making Mandy and I laugh even harder.

All the while Christian is standing next to me with an amused expression on his face. I'm relieved that he doesn't call them out on what they said yesterday. It seems like he is giving it another chance to get to know them properly.

"Anyway," Mandy says when she has stopped laughing somewhat. "What is the plan? We haven't eaten yet because we were kind of waiting for you, so pizza and movies?" She claps her hands excitedly, making me smile.

I would love to have a pizza and movie night with José and Mandy. Normally we would do that at least once a month, and it is also kind of tradition to do it the day after a party. José and Mandy find that fast food is the cure for a hangover, and I always join them.

Before I can tell her that Christian and I have plans and that I was just picking up some clothes, Christian speaks.

"I was actually going to make Ana one of my famous cheeseburgers. She wanted to eat Mc Donalds but I convinced her that my cheeseburgers are better," he winks at me. "They help against hangovers as well though, so if you guys want I can make them for you too." He looks at José and Mandy expectantly.

He is amazing. My whole body is feeling tingles just because he is suggesting to make dinner here, so I can spend time with my friends.

"I love cheeseburgers!" Mandy claps excitedly before she bursts into coughs. Her voice is really not taking any bullshit.

José also has a smile on his face. "Carbs. Love them and hate them."

"Alright. I'll go get the groceries and you guys can pick a movie, as long as it isn't Magic Mike." Christian smirks before he nudges his head to me and walks into the hall, wanting me to follow him.

I hear José and Mandy laugh while I walk behind him and into the hall. The moment he turns around I can't stop myself any longer and I practically jump onto him, throwing my arms around his neck. He immediately catches me as if he knew that I was going to do it.

Just like in Italy.

I kiss him hard on his lips before pulling away and letting my forehead rest against his. "Thank you,"

"You're welcome, baby. It is the least I can do after a day like this," he smiles. "Besides, I need to get to know them, right? You told me that they were nicer when they are sober."

"They will be super nice now that you are going to make them dinner," I giggle. "Seriously though, thank you. And please don't feel bad about brunch, it will be fine. They'll get used to the idea of their son having a girlfriend."

He rolls his eyes, obviously not believing me. "They better get used to it quickly then, because I'm planning on making you more than just my girlfriend soon and I'm not waiting until they can finally handle it."

My eyes widen and I look at him with mouth open, causing him to smirk. Did he really just say that? Does he really...? I mean, is he going to ask me? Isn't that way too fast?

"Easy baby. Relax," he breathes, pulling my attention back to him. "You can be my girlfriend for a few more weeks. But I will ask you, Ana, and I won't wait another year, so you better get used to that idea."

He pecks my lips again, making me blush even deeper than I already was. "So, cheeseburgers it is. Do you need anything else? Chocolate? Ben and Jerry's? Icecubes to cool your cheeks?"

I hit his chest which only makes his smirk wider. He is enjoying this way too much, and although I won't admit it to him, I like it too when he teases me. It makes me feel like we are teenagers all over again.

He pulls me even closer to him, his eyes shine with adoration and I can't stop staring at him. He is, without doubt, the most handsome man I have ever seen. And he wants me to be more than his girlfriend. I can't believe that my life has changed this much in just one weekend.

"I love you," he whispers.

"I love you."

His hands move to my behind and give it a firm squeeze. "Get comfy and go gossip. I'll be back in thirty." He smirks before slapping my behind once and then turning around and walking out of the apartment, leaving me speechless and with a hammering heart.

I really can't believe that this is my life now.

* * *

"Get that pretty behind on the couch and start talking little lady. We have about twenty minutes," José claps his hands and slides to the corner of the couch to make room for me in between him and Mandy.

I knew this was going to happen the moment Christian left. They want to know everything about the reunion between Christian and me, and by everything, I mean everything.

To postpone this conversation a little longer, I first went to my bedroom and changed into comfortable clothes and then packed my stuff for tomorrow so Christian and I can go to his house after the movie. Unfortunately, it only took me five minutes.

I take a seat in between my two best friends, who are both on the edge of the couch. They are curiously looking at me with huge smirks on their faces and I can't help but laugh. I do love them.

"What do you want to know?" I play dumb for a moment, hoping that they just want to know what we had for dinner.

"Let's start with you not coming home after what was supposed to be just catching up," Mandy smirks, just as eager as José.

I'm not going to get out if this. They will keep asking me questions and if I don't answer them, they'll probably ask them when Christian is back so he can answer them.

"Okay. When I came down he greeted me by hugging me and then he suggested that we'd walk to the restaurant. I agreed and during our walk, we started talking about what happened in those ten years. He asked me how I ended up here and I told him that it wasn't a story that I wanted to tell him while having dinner, for obvious reasons." I start. Mandy and José are listening to me intently. They are deadly quiet and are looking at me with curious eyes.

"He just nodded his head and changed the subject, but soon I was asking him something that he didn't want to talk about in public either, so we realized that we needed to talk more than that we needed to go out for dinner. So we ended up going to his house so we could talk properly, in private. There were a lot of things that needed to be said."

They both nod their heads, not once interrupting me as I talk which is really unique. They are really interested in me and it makes me smile. They are good friends.

"I have told him about what happened that day when Leila came to school. I have told him about Kirkland and that my parents asked me to forget him. I've told them that mom and dad went to court, about my study and about you two and how we ended up in this apartment. I've told him everything, and he just held me and made sure I was okay. It was really special."

"How did he react when you told him about your wrist?" José asks. He, along with Mandy, are the only ones that dare to talk about what I did, they don't ignore it. Mom and dad haven't talked about it for years, outside of the conversation yesterday with Christian. I think it still hurts too much.

"He hated it that I felt the need to do it partly because I missed him and he said that he wished he was there for me," I say before taking a deep breath. "You know what he did? He searched for me after he came home. After Italy, he wanted to contact me to tell me that he wanted more with me, but he didn't have any information so he started searching for me. Eventually, he found me through a friend that also lived in Savannah."

My whole body gets tense again when I think about what my dad did. I just wished he had told me, even if he did it after a few years. Now he just lied and he didn't even try to explain. Only when I confronted him. He would've never told me if I didn't tell him that I knew what he did.

"He found me and he came to Savannah with his brother. He got my address and all. But when he arrived at my house, everything was empty. We'd already moved. Because my parents didn't tell anyone what had happened, the neighbors didn't know where we went. Christian had no idea where to look."

I debate on telling them what happened next. I don't want them to be mad at my parents as well, and I know they will be mad when I tell them what they did. I also have no idea why they really did it, so I have nothing to explain to them. It is probably for the best if I just not mention it for now.

"He missed me too, just like I missed him. As a result, he started drinking and he didn't put the effort in school. That's when he decided that he wanted to start his own construction company. He dropped out of school and started Grey Constructions with his brother Elliot and they made a success out of it. He has even built his own house." I say excitedly, knowing that this will impress them and will take the conversation to a lighter subject.

"Hello, wow," José gasps, obviously impressed. "How did it look? Was it nice? Big?"

"Huge. It is beautiful. It is in Bellevue, it is modern yet cozy and it has a nice garden which you can see when you are sitting in the living room. It is really impressive." I smile. "Oh, and he also has a dog."

"What? And you got into that house anyway?" Mandy is surprised, just like I was really.

"I did," I giggle.

"Duh, I would go into a house full of spiders if Mr. Handsome would be with me." José fans his face, a huge smirk on his lips.

I giggle at the thought. José is scared of spiders. Like, really, really scared. He wouldn't go in there, not even with Christian.

"I can't help but notice you like Christian, José," I smirk, feeling awfully proud that he is with me while both Mandy and José really like the way Christian looks.

"I bet I'll like him more if you tell me what happened after all the talking," he winks, making me blush instantly.

"Oh, it was that good huh?" Mandy laughs when she sees my reaction.

I hide my face in my hands and think about what to say. I knew this was coming, I just need to be a grown-up about this. I'm twenty-six for God sakes, I should be able to talk about this with my two best friends.

"Well, we kissed and then we did it," I tell them, instantly regretting the way I said it. It sounds too harsh and it doesn't nearly cover what we did.

"What is it?" Mandy smirks while José gives her a high five before nodding his head rapidly to let me know he wants to know the same. They are enjoying this way too much. I can't blame them though, they have waited for years to talk like this with me.

My face has turned even redder in the meantime, but I keep my head up. I want to talk to them about this. I have listened to their stories for years, hoping that I once could tell them something as well, and now I finally can. I feel as if I'm reliving my whole teens.

"We had sex. But not just sex. I mean, I think. It was amazing. And Christian was just...wow. The way he moved, it was just all-consuming. Ten years can clearly do a lot, and he was amazing in Italy as well. He is huge now, like muscled and stuff. But still just as sweet as when I met him in Italy." I ramble in one breath.

Both José and Mandy are looking at me with a huge smile. José has folded his hands in front of his mouth as if he is endeared and Mandy is just clapping her hands as if she has just heard the best speech ever.

"How did the working material look? Was it huge? Big? Thick?"

I look at José with wide, shocked eyes while he is looking at me as if it is the most normal thing to ask. He really has no filter at all. Mandy is laughing so hard that she falls off the couch. They are crazy.

"I'm not telling you that,"

"Oh, yes you will," José smirks, still looking at me with curious, wide eyes.

I quickly look at the door that leads to the hall to see if Christian is already back from shopping. Since it is still dark in the hall, I assume he is not back yet.

"He is. It even felt a little bit uncomfortable in the beginning. That is not really a surprise since it has been so long but still, I think he is even bigger than in Italy, is that even possible? I mean, it could also be the muscles." I softly say, more to myself. "But yeah, he is definitely bigger than what you showed me on your phone, José. And prettier as well."

José has shown me so many photos that guys send him, of their private parts. It is really disturbing how many people just send a picture.

"I knew he was hung like a horse! Of course, he is! Look at the man," Mandy yells and claps while jumping up from the floor.

And just at that moment, Christian decides to come back from the supermarket. I hear him close the front door and on cue, the light flips on. My eyes widen in horror while my two best friends, of course, find it hilarious. He heard Mandy, I just know it. Hell, the whole complex probably heard her.

I stay silent, ignoring José and Mandy who are still laughing and my eyes are fixated on the door. When it opens, Christian enters, holding two shopping bags and a smirk on his face that tells me that he indeed heard everything Mandy just shouted.

"Hi," I try my best to greet him in a normal way and not pay any attention to what Mandy just said or the two people that are now almost crying of laughter, but I know there is no use. He will never ignore what he just heard.

"Hi," he smiles while walking into the living room. "Should I just start with the burgers and pretend that I didn't hear anything?"

I rapidly nod my head while begging him with his eyes to do exactly what he says. Mandy and Jose just nod their heads while trying to calm down.

"Alright," Christian nods before he walks to the kitchen which is just around the corner at the end of the living room.

"That was hilarious," José mumbles. "And he is such a good sport. Good job, Angie. I think we're officially giving you the green light to date him."

Mandy nods her head. "I agree. He is a keeper, Ana. I'm happy for you."

"Thanks," I mumble before standing. "I'm going to see if he needs help."

I need to talk to him about what he just heard. I don't think he is upset considering the smirk I saw when be opened the door, but I need to be sure.

"Keep it clean, doll. You are working with food." José whisper-yells after me as I make my way to the kitchen, my cheeks pink again. I really hope Christian didn't hear that.

When I turn around the corner, I see Christian moving through the cabinets. All the ingredients are already on the kitchen counter.

I move closer to him and look at everything he has bought. I swear it is way too much for just four people.

"Can I help?"

Christian smiles and turns so that he is facing me. "Yeah, I'm looking for a pan to bake the burgers."

I nod my head and grab one of the bigger pans out of the cabinet just next to the one he was searching in. "Here. You were close." I smile.

"Thanks, want to help me cook? I'm making the burgers from scratch and I could use some help with cutting."

I nod again and grab all the stuff I need before washing my hands and doing what Christian just asked me. In the meantime, Christian is making burgers. We work in silence and ever so often I feel his eyes on me. I just know he is waiting for me to say something about what just happened, I can tell by the way he is grinning.

After a good five minutes, I decided to start talking, since he is obviously not going to do it first.

"So, about what Mandy just said," I start, my eyes never leaving the lettuce I'm cutting. "She was just happy for me and went a bit overboard."

"It's okay, I told you to gossip," he smiles.

He doesn't say anything after that, and for a moment I think he is going to let it go, but unfortunately, I'm wrong.

"I mean, of course, she is happy for you. You would be happy for her too if she had a boyfriend who is hung like a horse, right?"

Right after he said it, his full belly laugh fills the kitchen and even though my face is bright red yet again, I can't help but join.

We laugh together for a moment before he puts everything down and pulls me into his arms. My head immediately connects with his chest, so I can hear his heartbeat while he kisses my hair.

"How many times are you going to tease me with that?" I mumble against him, enjoying the feel of his muscles through the fabric.

"As long as you wear this yoga pants," he groans, his hands moving down to my behind in the process. "Damn, Ana. From now on you'll only wear these. I fucking love them."

He squeezes me a few times before he slaps me two times, making me yelp. "Now Miss Steele, I believe we have dinner to prepare. Stop distracting me and start cooking."

"Yes, Sir."

He groans again. "And stop saying that, or else that sexy yoga pants will be on the floor in two seconds and the burgers will never be ready."

"Stop teasing, Angie, we are hungry." I hear José yell from the living room. They are obviously eavesdropping.

"He has fucking good ears," Christian mumbles, making me giggle.

"Let's just cook. The sooner was done, the sooner we can eat and then we can go back to your place. I promise you can take my pants off there." I whisper softly, making sure José and Mandy don't hear me.

"Fuck yes."

We resume our work again while talking about stupid stuff. I can imagine us doing this after we've come home from work and the thought is a go for the butterflies in my belly. I love this man and he basically told me that he wants to marry me soon.

Too soon, maybe. But I don't care, because he truly loves me and right now, he gives me a feeling of peace. When I'm with him, I'm the person I've always dreamed of being and because of him, I love myself and I really needed that.


	44. Chapter 44

**A/N: Here we go! I love this one. The only thing I have to say is that karma is such a huge bitch! Enjoy! Xx**

Chapter 44: Get to business.

It's past midnight when Ana and I finally arrive at my house and the moment I drive onto the porch and turn off the engine, Ana wakes from her short nap.

"I'm so tired and I'm so cold," she jawns.

After Ana and I prepared dinner, we ate on the couch in her apartment. I have to say that spending time with José and Mandy wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. They are pretty cool when they are sober and I've noticed that they really care about Ana. They are good friends for her and I can tell she loves them very much and that is really the most important thing.

After dinner, we choose a movie which took almost an hour. They wanted romance while I wanted action. We ended up watching some rom-com on Netflix and in the end, I was the only one who was watching because the three of them fell asleep.

"Right to bed then," I smirk while I walk to the front door with Ana right behind me who nods her head in agreement.

When I open the door, we are greeted by Bobby who excitedly swings his tail and barks to say hello. He must have waited for us to come back by the door. I put Ana's bag on the floor and give him my full attention.

"Hi, Boy. Did you miss us?" I pet him for a moment before he sees that Ana is behind me and I lost his attention completely to her.

Ana smiles when she sees him coming for her and bends to stroke him behind his ears. "Hi, Bobby."

Seeing her sit with Bobby like this makes me realize how at home she already is in my house. Bobby acts as if he knows her for years, and Ana seems comfortable being here as well. I love that feeling.

"I'm going to take him for a walk," I say while grabbing his leash. "You can go to bed if you want. I'll be back soon."

She nods her head and kisses me. "Don't be long,"

I nod my head and then watch her grab her bag before she walks through the hallway and out of my sight. She looks so fucking good walking around my house. She really belongs here.

"Let's go, boy," I attach the leash to Bobby's collar and then walk out of the door. Bobby is very excited and almost runs to the gate which makes me smile. I'm happy he is agreeing in doing this quickly since I can't wait to join Ana in bed.

I take the short route through the neighborhood, which is about a fifteen-minute walk. Along the way, I pass two small playgrounds. During the day these are always packed with children. It is in of the reasons Elliot and I build our houses here. Elliot and Kate wanted to live somewhere where you could live with a family. I never really thought about that aspect of life, since nine out of ten times I was thinking about Ana, but now I'm happy that I bought ground here as well.

This neighborhood is perfect for raising children. There are plenty of schools and nature, and just ten minutes further is Lake Washington. It is the perfect place to have kids and now that I have Ana back in my life again, I can hardly wait to take our kid to one of these playgrounds or taking them with me while walking with Bobby. The thought of my life changing this much in just forty-eight hours scares the shit out of me, but at the same time, it is the most euphoric feeling I've felt since I was a teenager.

When I come back home, Bobby immediately runs to his spot in the living room next to the couch and settles himself before he closes his eyes. It makes me smile. The dog is just like me. He likes to go out and be active but also loves to sleep.

I lock the door and quickly take a glass of water before turning off the lights and going to the bedroom. When I walk in, I find Ana already sound asleep, the blanket covering her almost from head to toe. The only thing I see is her full, brown hair that is spread out over the pillow. She has her back towards me and she looks like a little Eskimo. It is fucking cute.

I quickly get out of my clothes and grab a pair of clean boxers before slipping into the bathroom to have a quick shower. It is something that I usually do before going to bed, it helps me relax and gives me time to think over the day.

I step into the shower and turn it on, letting the still cold water hit my back before I feel it slowly getting warmer. It is one of the nicest feelings in the world and I instantly relax.

What a day. Seriously. When I asked Ana if she could join me to my parents, I never thought I would feel this negative about it afterward. Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't even have asked her to come. I wouldn't have given dad the pleasure of behaving how he did, as the arrogant, full of himself fucking businessman that he claims to be. He humiliated Ana and made her feel uncomfortable only to get to me. Fucking asshole. Thinking about it now makes me angry and tense all over again.

I really should just confront him some time. Just me and him, and then I can ask him what the hell his problem really is with me. I've never felt the need to do it, but fuck it if that didn't change the moment be treated Ana like trash. He can fuck with me all he wants because he won't get to me, but not with Ana. Ana is mine and I'll protect her from everything, even my own father if I have to.

Feeling my muscles clench, I will myself to calm down and think about something else. I need to stop thinking about it else I won't be able to sleep. I grab my shower gel and think about work, as always.

Since I'm meeting Mr. Tang for lunch tomorrow, I'll probably stay home in the morning to work on administration. There are quite some things that need my attention and since Ana has to work, I'll have enough time to do it without getting distracted.

I go over the points that Elliot and I discussed one more time before turning off the shower and drying myself. When I've put on my boxers, I walk back into the bedroom where Ana is still sleeping in the same position. I want this every night. I want to come to bed every night and I want to find her just like this. Asleep in my bed. I'll talk to her about it soon.

I quietly walk to the bed en gently get in, making sure not to wake Ana since I assumed that she is asleep, but when I reach over to pull her against me, I'm met with her warm, soft skin. She isn't wearing anything.

"Took you long enough," her soft voice says. She is not turning around or even moving, she just presses her ass into me while her hand finds my hand that is resting on her hip.

"I thought you were tired?"

"I am," she nods but her body is telling me something completely different. Her ass is lightly moving against my boxer covered dick and her hand is slowly moving my hand to her front until it rests on her belly.

My breathing picks up speed instantly and my whole body reacts to her actions. My dick is getting harder with every push of her ass and before I know it my mind is already wandering off to where she is on her back with her legs in the air while screaming my name on top of her lungs.

She giggles when she feels it and puts on more pressure, making me groan. "I just need to get a little more tired before I can fall asleep." Her voice is seductive, a little shy and sexy as hell.

"How can I help with that?" I move my mouth to her ear and softly bite her lobe, making her squirm against me even more.

"You know how."

In one movement I have her pinned down beneath me, holding her wrists next to her head, pinning them against the mattress so she can't move them. Her cheeks are pink and her hair is spread around her gorgeous face. Her breathing is heavy and her plump lips are slightly open. She is an angel.

"I don't," I shake my head. I desperately want to hear her say what she wants for me. I have heard her say it in my head so many times, I just need to hear it for real now, while I can touch her.

Her eyes widen, her bright, blue eyes looking up at me while she bites her lip. She releases it with a pop before she wiggles her hips against me one time.

"Yes, you do," she breathes, "you know exactly how you can help me."

Her breathy voice makes my dick twitch and for a moment I'm almost giving in but then I remind myself of how good it will be if I wait just a little longer.

"Maybe I do," I smirk while running my nose over her cheek. "But I really want to hear you ask for it."

To convince her to tell me, I push my hips against her a little. She immediately responds by moving into me while a soft moan leaves her lips.

"I... I want..." She starts, still not completely convinced that she can say it.

I push forward again. "You want..?" I encourage her.

She closes her eyes and takes a breath before her soft, shy voice finally gets out the words.

"I want to feel you inside me. I want you to make love to me again."

Not enough baby.

"How?"

Her eyes shoot open and her expression is suddenly horrified which makes me laugh. She is still a young girl when it comes to talking about this and I can't help but find it cute as hell.

"How?" She mutters as if she has no idea what I'm talking about. I know better though, she knows and she also knows exactly how she wants it. She just needs a little bit more courage.

"Yeah, like how do you want me?" I mutter against her cheek. "Do you want me on top? Or do you want to ride me?" I ghost my lips over hers, my tongue peeking out just a bit to have a little taste. "Do you want me to take you from behind? Tell me, baby, I know you know what you want."

My mouth finds her other hot cheek and I start leaving little kisses on that one as well, sometimes leaving a little lick on her skin with my tongue for good measure. Her hands are trying to get out of my grip, but I won't let her. "Answer me first, Ana."

She nods her head slowly. "I know what I want, I think. I'm just a bit nervous."

I pull my head back to look at her and find her eyes looking down. "Look at me, baby, show me those beautiful, blue eyes." My hand moves to her chin on its own accord, making sure her eyes connect with mine. "Good or bad nerves?"

She smiles, no doubt thinking back to when I asked that exact question. "Good ones," she smiles.

I nod my head. "Then tell me. I want to give you what you want."

Her eyes are still locked with mine and I can tell she is pulling together all her courage. "I want you to do it from behind."

A shit-eating grin spreads across my face as I watch her cheeks turn the brightest color red I have ever seen. "Fuck yes."

I eagerly plant my mouth on hers and immediately let my tongue slide through her lips. She responds with just as much enthusiasm and while my hands move into her hair, hers move to my chest where she grips my pecs with her nails.

Fuck, I can't wait any longer, I need her. Without even thinking I pull my head back and lift myself off of her just enough for me to be able to flip her to her stomach in one swift motion, making her yelp and then giggle in the process.

"Stay," I tell her before moving off the bed for a moment to get rid of my boxers and grab a condom out of the nightstand.

To my delight, Ana doesn't move an inch while I'm away. She stays exactly how I turned her over, her head down and face pushed into the pillow. Since her hair is flipped over her shoulder, I can see her ear and cheek are still bright red. It is amazing how shy can be so sexy as well.

"Do you have any idea how sexy you look right now, Ana?" I move back onto the bed and straddle her legs so that my hard dick is perfectly resting over the crook if her ass. A shiver runs through her body as she feels me, but other than that her body doesn't move.

"Do you?" I slap her right ass cheek, making it bounce deliciously, but besides from shaking her ass from left to right just slightly, she still stays mute.

I grab my dick and tap her ass a few times, trying to get a reaction out of her. "Are you ignoring me, Ana?"

Nothing. God, she is good at this. Time to get out the big guns.

I move back on her legs, bow forward and move my mouth to her tailbone. There I stick out my tongue and drag a line over her spine, all the way up until I reach her neck, finally making her giggle.

She turns her face to the side, showing me her gorgeous smile. "You said I couldn't move."

"No, I didn't. I said that you needed to stay."

"That's the same," she responds. Her laughter is now a little softer. "And I was waiting for you to do something."

"Well," I move up and position myself in between her legs before pulling her hips up, "I'm sorry for making you wait."

I rapidly roll on the condom and without warning her I thrust inside her, making both of moan in relief.

My pace immediately speeds up and my skin slaps against hers hard, completely forgetting that she might need to adjust to this new feeling. Only when I hear her little sexy as fuck whimpers and see her hand move to me and feel it on my leg, I realize what an asshole I am.

I stop my movements and let my hands roam her back in apologie. "Sorry, am I hurting you?"

"No, God no. Don't stop," she surprises me by saying, her hand on my leg now digging into my skin, using her nails and begging me to move again.

"Are you sure? Can I move just like that?" I need to be sure that she means it, even though the way she just told me not to stop sounded very convincing.

"Yes, just like you did just now," she moans.

Fucking amazing. I don't say anything after that, I just let my body take over and when I look down, I almost go insane.

We look so fucking hot. Not one fantasy can live up to this site. Me moving in and out of her hard and rough, her ass bouncing evertime my hips make contact with them and my hands leaving prints on her skin. She even meets every thrust by pushing back, making the sensation even more pleasurable than it already is.

By the way her pussy contracts around me, I can tell that she is close. She has pushed her face into the pillow again, muffling her moans just a little. I want to hear her scream, I need it more than anything right now.

"Let me hear you, baby," I grab the hair in the nape of her neck with one hand and move my other hand around her so I'm holding her throat. The moment I pull her backward, her moans fill the room.

"Oh, God," she pants, her hands grabbing the sheets, knuckles white.

I pull her all the way back until my mouth touches her ear, her back arched. "You like it like this, don't you? You are my dirty girl, aren't you? Just for me?"

The room is filled with her moans and skin slapping and I swear it is the sexiest thing I've ever heard. I'm on the brink of coming, yet I can't give it up just yet. I need to hear her. I want her throat to be hoarse tomorrow because she has screamed my name so loud.

I pick up speed again and just like that, Ana loses it.

"Christian, oh yes. Ouch, God. Christian, almost."

I can feel it. Almost. Just a little.

"Yesss, Christian!"

"Harder, Ana," I growl in her ear before biting on her lobe.

It is the final thing she needs and I feel her pussy clench impossibly tight, milking me like a fucking pro. "CHRISTIAN!"

Her whole body shakes violently while one of her hands moves to my hair and pulls hard so I stop biting her lobe. The simple movement is enough for me to come as well.

"Fuck, Ana," I moan, almost losing the control over my body.

We're both breathing heavily as we come down from our high. Ana slowly leans forward until she rests on her belly and I follow, lying on her while I wrap my arms around her waist.

"I will never be able to sing for the kids tomorrow or even greet their parents," she mumbles after a good five minutes. She is already half asleep, I can tell by the way she breathes.

"Good, I wish I could be there and tell all of those fucking dads that I'm the reason you've lost your voice." I chuckle while gently moving my now flaccid dick out of her and removing the condom. Then I get off the bed and walk to the bathroom to throw it away.

When I return to the bedroom, I see Ana curled up under the covers, just like I found her when I came to bed in the first place, only this time she is asleep for real.

I join her again and position myself behind her, pulling her as close to me as possible.

This is definitely where she belongs.

* * *

After a short night sleep, Ana and I had breakfast and then I drove her to work. After that, I went back home to catch up on the administration and now I'm waiting in a restaurant in Seattle for Mr. Tang to arrive.

I wasn't nervous when I talked about this whole lunch with Elliot. I know what we have to offer and I also know that what we are going to ask him is going to be worth everything we'll give him, but now that I'm sitting here I have to say that the nerves are starting to kick in. I'm tempted to order a quick shot of whiskey to ease the tension but then I realize that the alcohol smell on my breath can ruin this deal, so I decide against it.

After waiting for another ten minutes, Mr. Tang finally appears. He is in his mid-sixties, has grey hair, glasses and isn't very tall. He is wearing a sloppy eying suit and actually doesn't look that impressive which surprises me considering the fact that he is a well-known millionaire.

When he reaches my table, I stand and offer him a hand which he takes.

"Mr. Grey, thank you for agreeing to meet me," he nods. His voice is kind of high and when I think about Elliot's reaction when I tell him this, I almost can't hold in my laughter.

"Mr. Tang, you're welcome. Please sit," I say before taking a seat as well. Right after we both sit, the waiter is already there to take our order and to bring us the menu.

"What can I offer you to drink?" The young guy asks us, he seems a bit nervous which makes me wonder if he knows Mr. Tang already.

"I would like one white wine and one orange juice," Mr. Tang says without even looking at the waiter.

"I'll have sparkling water,"

The guy nods and then walks away as fast as he can.

"My wife will be joining us in just a moment. She went to the restroom." Mr. Tang explains his double order.

It takes me by surprise that he brought his wife along and I honestly am not really sure why he did it. Mr. Tang must see my confusion though.

"My wife will be the boss of this hotel. She has a say in everything and anything," he explains as if I should have known that.

"Of course,'' I nod.

"And there she is," Mr. Tang beams while standing and looking at something behind me.

I stand as well and turn around to greet his wife properly, and yet again it is not what I expected at all.

In front of me is standing a young woman, probably under thirty, at least I think. It is hard to tell since her face isn't exactly natural. Her lips are too big for her face and her cheekbones look fake as well. Her teeth are unnaturally white and the layers of make-up almost hide her whole expression. Her fake brown hair is long and reaches her equally fake breasts, which aren't even decently covered up.

Elliot will definitely have a field with this one.

"Mr. Grey, this is my wife Leila Tang. Honey, this is Christian Grey, one of the potential builders of your hotel." Mr. Tang beams, obviously proud of his little wife.

Poor dude. I'm not even impressed by the fact that he practically told me that there are others in the running to do the job. I'm too busy feeling sorry that he is in love with a woman that is clearly in love with his money. At least, I think. I'm almost sure she is.

"Mrs. Tang, a pleasure to meet you," I take her outstretched hand.

"Pleasure as well," she purrs, her thumb stroking my hand while her eyes follow my body. She is even biting her lip which makes me shiver in a very uncomfortable way. And it reminds me of when Ana did it just hours ago while she was shy about asking me to fuck her from behind. Fuck, this is really fucking horrible.

Jesus Christ. The worst part is that the poor dude doesn't even notice that his wife is practically eye fucking me because he is too busy looking at her in an endeared way.

"Let's sit," Mr. Tang says after seconds in which he only had eyes for his barbie. "We have enough to discuss."

"Yes we do," Mrs. Tang claps excitedly, obviously ignoring the fact that this is serious business talk. "I can't wait to hear how a strong man like yourself is planning in making me the biggest, most luxurious hotel in Washington."

She giggles and winks, all while her husband is watching her. Insanity.

I can't wait to tell Elliot this.


	45. Chapter 45

**A/N: Love all the reviews you guys left on the last chapter. Some of you are so funny! Thank you! So, when I wrote this chapter I was struggling with how to translate all the emotions, but I hope I managed to get it right. Let me know what you think! Xx**

Chapter 45: Permanently.

"I'll make us some tea," I tell Mandy right after all the kids started playing.

Monday is always a heavy day, especially in the morning. Some of the kids really have trouble saying goodbye to their parents, probably because they have spent the whole weekend with them and they don't want to go to school. It has been an hour since the last parents left and the last kid has stopped crying seconds ago, so I can finally make us some tea.

"Miss Ama?" I hear Ava behind me, "do you want to pwlay with me with the dowlls?"

The moment Ava saw me this morning, she ran over and hugged me which kind of took me by surprise. Kate dropped her off and told me that she didn't stop talking about me and now the little girl is on my heels everywhere I go. It is sweet and endearing, but it is also a little complicated since I have other kids to look after as well. I really hope that this is just something temporary.

"I'm first going to make tea for miss Mandy and me. You can play with the dolls and I'll be back soon," I smile. I hope she will get up in playing and maybe forgets me for a while, even though I'm almost sure that she won't.

She nods her head excitedly and runs off to the corner where the dollhouse is standing, completely losing interest in me for now which is very welcoming.

I walk over to the little kitchen and start boiling water for the tea when my phone buzzes in my jeans pocket. It's mom, and I suddenly feel uncomfortable. Since Christian and I left mom and dad on Saturday, I haven't spoken to them and I honestly have no idea what to say or think.

Christian is obviously still very mad and he suspects that there is another reason than the one that dad told us. I thought that I understood where dad came from, but after talking to Christian about it I also see why he thinks dad is lying. The whole situation is so confusing.

"Hi, mom," I can't ignore her because I know she'll keep calling if I do, so I might as well get it over with.

"Ana! Oh, sweetie, I'm so glad you picked up the phone! I was so scared that you were going to ignore me." She sounds so relieved that I feel guilty and I don't even know why. I don't even have anything to feel guilty about.

"Why would you assume I wouldn't pick up the phone?"

This is good. I need to let her do the talking. Maybe she can explain things a little more.

I hear her let out a long, sad sign. "Sweetie, I feel horrible about what happened on Saturday. When you left, I had this feeling and I couldn't shake it. I'm so scared that you won't forgive us, Ana."

"You feel horrible about what happened on Saturday?"

Out of all the things she could have said, she says this. She is practically telling me that she feels horrible that I found out what they did while she should feel horrible about the fact that she lied to me for years.

"Yes, sweetie. How everything went, it wasn't how I wanted it to go at all. I mean, your father and Christian almost got into a fight and you looked so hurt. And then when you two left, Christian just stormed out."

I roll my eyes. It sounds as if she doesn't understand our reaction and I feel myself getting angry because of it.

"Mom listen," I start, really trying to stay calm. "I looked hurt because I am hurt. You and dad hurt me by not telling me that the boy I was madly in love with came looking for me. You lied to me for years. Christian tried everything to get to me because he loved me, and dad just told him to get lost. I don't blame him for being mad. I'm mad as well. You have no idea what impact it had when you told him that I'd moved on. You two decided something that wasn't even your decision to make in the first place and you hurt me by doing so. You've hurt Christian as well. I honestly feel as if everything you and dad did for me at the care hotel was fake."

Now that I'm talking to mom again, I realize how mad I still am. I had time to think it over a little more and now that I hear mom talking about it, I'm angry all over again.

"Ana, please. It wasn't fake, we love-"

"Mom, you held my hand and tried to comfort me when I was crying because I missed Christian so much. You told me that everything happens for a reason and that he probably wasn't the one. You even told me that your first love hardly ever is your true love yet all the while you said those things because you made sure Christian couldn't be any of those things. You lied, purposely. It was fake." I feel my emotions rise as I talk, the lump in my throat is too big to swallow away and my eyes are burning.

It stays silent for a few moments. I hear mom's soft sobs through the phone while I will myself to not let the emotion take over. I'm working for God sakes, the kids really can't see me cry.

"We did it because we loved you. We wanted to protect you from getting hurt."

Her poor explanation doesn't make sense at all. I don't understand how they could even think that an eighteen-year-old guy, who searched for weeks to find me while he could have just forgotten me and moved on with life, would hurt me.

"You didn't succeed mom. I got hurt. By the two people I trusted most in life."

Silence again. Silence except for moms soft sniffs. I honestly don't have the energy to talk to her about it anymore. I need to get back to Mandy and help her.

"Mom, I'm working and I need to go," I tell her while I pour the now boiled water into two cups.

"Please, just know that we did it because we didn't want you to get hurt. We had no idea that you would really end up with him. We couldn't let him see you, Ana. There was so much more going..." She abruptly stops talking.

This is getting weirder by the second and it is seriously pissing me off. "There was so much more what, mom? What were you going to say?" I'm so confused.

"Nothing sweetie, your right. You should just get back to work. We'll talk later," her voice sounds very timid all of the sudden and it gives me an uneasy feeling. She is hiding something. Was Christian right? Is there more to it than dad told us?

She is really getting on my nerves. I hate the way she acts right now. "No mom, tell me! What did you want to say?"

"We can't talk about this over the phone and certainly not when you are at work. We'll talk later, Anastasia." The tone makes me feel like a twelve-year-old girl all over again.

"Mom? Seriously, you can't just-," I almost yell but I'm literally cut off by her when she disconnects the call.

"Jesus!" I curse while slamming my phone on the small working table.

How could she just hang up on me? She wanted to tell me something I didn't know, I'm sure of it. What could it be? This is going to drive me insane.

"Everything okay in here?" I'm startled when I see Mandy's head peek through the door. For a moment I forgot that I'm in the kitchen at work and that everybody probably heard me.

I quickly nod my head. I don't want to explain everything to her. I need to talk to Christian about this first. "Yeah, just burned my hand when I grabbed the cup, sorry for yelling."

"Oh, okay," she doesn't look convinced but she nods her head anyway. "Maybe you should run some cold water over it."

I nod my head again before opening the tap and moving my hand underneath it. I hate lying to her and now I'm also stuck here for another five minutes. Just great.

Mandy's head disappears out of my view and while holding my not injured hand under the ice cold water stream, which is actually starting to hurt a little bit, my mind keeps thinking about what mom wanted to say.

Can this day get any worse?

* * *

Well, it could get worse.

When I finally came back, my hand completely numb and almost frozen off, one of the kids came to me and said that he wasn't feeling well. Just when I pulled him on my lap because I thought he was just tired, he threw up on me.

We have plenty of spare clothes for the kids, but unfortunately, we don't have that luxury for ourselves and since I couldn't leave Mandy alone with all toddlers, I was forced to work through the day with a horrible puke smell surrounding me. I tried to wash it away slightly and I used a whole can of deodorant to hide the smell, but I'm pretty sure it didn't work.

"Well, you survived. And I survived working alongside you without throwing up as well, so I guess we both deserve a handshake." Mandy says while putting on her coat. "Are you coming home?"

I shake my head while putting on my coat as well. "Christian is picking me up."

I instantly smile when I say his name, making Mandy chuckle and shake her head.

"You've got it bad, haven't you?"

"Yeah, I just want to be as close to him as possible. I missed so much of him. We missed so much."

Mandy's smile tells me she is happy for me. "I understand. You two need to enjoy each other now and get to know each other even better."

I nod before we walk to the door and locking everything up. When we arrive outside, I notice that Christian isn't waiting for me yet, so I decide to send him a text.

*Hi, hope you haven't forgotten to pick up your girlfriend, else I have a serious problem and a very bruised ego. Hihi, kidding. Are you close? X*

"That smile really suits you, Ana," Mandy smiles as she opens the lock of her bike. "I haven't seen you smile like this before."

She is genially happy for me and it warms my heart. She knows how much I needed this.

"I haven't felt like this since Italy, so you are probably right. I'm happy."

My phone buzzes in my hand and when I look at my screen, I see that Christian has replied to my text.

*I would never forget you, baby. Be there in two minutes. Love you.*

"I can see that," Mandy smirks while she watches me reading Christian's text, the huge smile still plastered on my face.

I smile back. "He'll be here in two minutes. You can go home if you want,"

"Alright," she nods. "Are you planning on coming home at all or can José and I use your room for our clothes?"

Mandy laughs while she says it, so I think she is joking but it still gives me a bit of an off feeling. I just hope they're not mad at me for spending so much time with Christian.

"Do you and José mind it? That I am spending so much time with Christian suddenly, I mean?"

Mandy's face instantly falls. "God no, Ana. I didn't mean it like that at all. We are so happy for you. It was a joke!" She sets her bike against the wall and walks over to me to pull me in a hug. "As long as we have our girls nights and we speak to you regularly, everything is fine. We love you and we want you to be with the love of your life."

Her sweet words put me at ease and make me smile. I'm so lucky that I've found José and Mandy. They helped me through the years and now they support my relationship with Christian even more than our own parents do.

"I love you too," I smile before getting distracted by someone who is hitting the horn quite enthusiastically.

"Looks like Mr. Christian is here and he is very happy to see you," Mandy laughs while nodding to where the noise is coming from.

When I turn around and look at Christian's car, I see him waving at me with a huge smile on his face.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I say to Mandy while never taking my eyes off Christian. He is wearing a dark grey suit and he looks amazing. I just want to get into his car and drive to his house as fast as possible.

"Okay. Close your mouth though, Ana. You are almost drooling," she giggles as she hops onto her bike and drives away.

"Bye!" I laugh as I watch her go for just a second before focussing back on Christian who is still sitting in his car, his eyes on me as well.

I walk over while feeling his eyes move over my entire body, and it wakes the fire inside me even more. When I reach his car and open the door, I'm seconds away from jumping on him and kissing him senseless but as soon as I step into the car, Christian's smile disappears. His expression changes into something that I can't really describe and for a moment I'm afraid that he is mad at me.

"You smell like puke," Christian bluntly says, reminding me of what happened just a few hours ago.

I roll my eyes and close the door of his car. "I know, a boy felt sick and threw up on me. I didn't have other clothes."

"God," he opens the window at my side, "and I thought that I had the dirty job."

"Speaking of your job," I'm changing the subject, "how did your lunch go?"

His face lights up again as if he suddenly doesn't smell the puke on my clothes anymore. God, he looks so handsome like this, with his suit and his grin, I wish I could pull him close and kiss him but I have a feeling that he wouldn't be happy if I'd do that.

"Well, you are looking at the builder the most luxurious hotel ever built in Washington," he excitedly says.

A huge grin spreads across my face while I clap my hands in excitement. "Oh my God! Congratulations! I'm so proud of you!"

"Thanks," he smiles, his cheeks actually a little pink, it makes him even more adorable.

"They must have been very impressed, else they wouldn't have told you that you could do the job this fast without overthinking it." I'm actually surprised that he already heard that they have the job. You would think that they have to think it over at least one day, it is such a huge project.

"Well yeah, that bit was a kind of crazy," he frowns.

"What do you mean?"

"I was already waiting in the restaurant when Mr. Tang arrived. We greeted each other and when we ordered our drinks, he suddenly ordered two instead of one. And then he told me that he bought his wife along since she is going to be the boss of the hotel. That rich ass fucker is building a hotel for his wife," he chuckles while shaking his head like he can't believe it.

"So I just nodded my head and right after he told me about his wife, she joined us and it was not what I expected at all. His wife was about our age, and everything about her was fake. Her nose, her cheeks, her tits, everything. She was also wearing layers of make-up. Mr. Tang is in his sixties by the way."

Christian is laughing now and I can't help but chuckle as well, although I'm not really sure why it is this funny. It isn't the first time a young woman has a relationship with an older man.

"Anyway, she was very impressed by what I said about Grey Constructions, as was Mr. Tang and they decided to close the deal right at the table. We've got the job!"

"That's so great!" I say while leaning over to give him a kiss but Christian only leans in slightly to peck my lips, not as enthusiastic as I would've hoped.

He spots my confusion immediately. "Sorry baby, you just really smell out the car. As soon as we are home you are taking a shower and I'm burning those clothes."

The way he says it, makes me giggle. He is such a baby. "And to think that you didn't want to use a condom the other day."

"It's different when it's puke from your own kid, Ana," he states as if it's a written fact which only makes me laugh harder.

"Alright, whatever you say."

"I'll prove it to you when we have our own, just wait and see," he winks and for some reason, it is making me blush.

"I like that idea," I quietly reply before even thinking it over properly. I don't look at him and just keep my eyes on the road.

"Me too," he smiles as he grabs my hand and brings it to his mouth to kiss my palm. Then he moves our joined hands to his lap.

We ride in comfortabke silence for a moment. The radio is softly sounding through the speakers and since the window is still rolled down a bit, the wind blows through my hair slightly. In this moment I'm perfectly content, even tough I really smell bad.

"Listen," Christian breaks the silence, "Mr. Tang invited Elliot and me for dinner tonight, to sign the papers and celebrate the collaboration. He is taking us to some fancy restaurant and he invited our wives as well. Do you want to come with me? Elliot is bringing Kate."

"Did you tell him that you didn't have a wife?" I giggle to hide that I'm actually curious about it. I like the idea of being Christian's wife way too much and I actually hope that he didn't say anything about not being married.

"I told him I have a gorgeous girlfriend," he smirks. "Will you come with me?"

I nod my head and squeeze his hand, "I would love too."

"Good," he smiles. "How was work?"

"Outside of the obvious?" I nod to my smelling shirt. "Good. Oh, before I forget. My mom called."

His happy expression changed immediately and the grip on my hand tightens. I hate to see him react this way while I talk about my parents but I completely understand. Even more now after mom's weird behavior.

"What did she say?"

"I think you are right. Dad didn't tell us everything. I think mom almost told me something that she wasn't supposed to say and when I confronted her with it, she said that she didn't want to talk about it over the phone and then she hung up. It was weird."

Christian frowns while he thinks it over. I also think back to my conversation with mom. I really have no idea what she wanted to say, but she obviously feels bad about something.

"We should invite them to talk," Christian suddenly says, surprising me.

"Really?"

He nods his head before he stops the car and turns to me. "Yeah, she wants to talk and we want to listen to the truth, right? I mean, I want to know why they really did it. I need to know it to be able to ease the anger even a little bit."

"Okay, I'll talk to them," I smile.

"You do that," he nods and opens the door, "but first I'm going to clean you up, so get that smelly ass out of my car and follow me."

* * *

"We need to go to my house, Christian. I don't have anything to wear to a fancy restaurant."

We are standing under the shower streams and Christian is currently washing my hair. His strong fingers massage my scalp while his front is pressed against my back and it feels like heaven.

"We don't. Just trust me, will you," he stops his assault on my scalp and turns me before he pushes me under the water so I can rinse my hair. "'I've bought something you can wear."

"You did?" I ask while I keep my eyes closed. I feel that his eyes are scanning my body and it gives me goosebumps even though the water is warm.

"Yeah, I have something that will look perfect on you," he grabs my waist while he moves towards me so we're both standing under the warm water, his body pressed against mine, letting me feel every hard inch of his body. He buries his head in my neck where he nuzzles against my skin. "You should just keep all your clothes here, it would be so much easier."

I stop rinsing my hair and don't move for a second. Does he mean that or is he just joking? Maybe he just means some of my clothes, not all of them. All of them would mean that I don't have a reason to go back to my apartment at all, right?

I'm so deep in thoughts that I hardly feel Christian move away. I only realize he is looking at me when he pulls me out of it by speaking to me, his face just inches from mine.

"I have enough space in my closet, he chuckles. "And you haven't left since I showed you around here on Friday. I never want to see you leave, I want you to stay and share this house with me. This house, that I've built for us."

My eyes widen as I listen to him. I'm completely flabbergasted. I have him back in my life for three and a half days and now he wants me to move in with him. And I'm not even freaking out about it because I want to move in with him.

"Permanently?" I softly ask, just to be sure.

A huge smile spreads across his face when he hears my hopeful tone. "Forever."

I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him to me so that our lips are just millimeters apart.

"Forever it is then."


	46. Chapter 46

**A:N: I want to dedicate this chapter to Munkeyfump20, who is one of my readers from the very beginning. She is currently fighting pancreatic cancer but is still taking the time to read and review this story. She even apologized for her lack of reviewing which is crazy since she was in the hospital. Think about yourself hun! You rock and I'm sending you strength! Much love! X**

Chapter 46: So strong.

"Elliot and Kate are picking us up in fifteen minutes, baby. Are you almost ready?" I ask Ana as I walk into my bedroom while I'm trying to get my cufflinks right. I hate wearing a suit as it is, but now cufflinks also come into play and I swear it makes me feel like my dad. I fucking hate it.

"I'm almost done, can you help me with the zipper?"

I look up as I hear her soft voice and I'm speechless. Absolutely speechless. When I bought the deep dark blue dress, I knew it would look good on her but what I'm seeing now takes my breath away and makes me feel out of breath at the same time. Stunning. Fucking stunning.

She is standing in front of the mirror, the zipper of her dress is open and showing her flawless back. She is bending slightly forward to put on her heels and shows me her perfect, round ass. The dress is tight, sexy and reaches just above her knee. It shows a little cleavage, not enough to make her feel uncomfortable, but definitely, enough for me to walk around with a raging hard-on in my pants the entire night. I maybe should've thought about that.

"Sure," I mumble while walking to her, making her look up to meet my eyes through the mirror. The dark blue of the dress makes her eyes stand out even more. It's like they are ice blue at this moment.

"What do you think?" Her unsure question almost makes me laugh. Can't she see how stupefied I am just by looking at her?

"Christ, Ana. I can't even think when I look at you. You look breathtaking," I move my fingertips over her back, from her neck to where the dress starts, making her shiver. "What do you think?"

I move even closer to her so she can feel what this dress on her does to me while she watched herself in the mirror. Her cheeks are a little red, I think because she feels me against her lower back.

"It is very tight," she concludes with a frown after a few minutes of studying herself. The way she says it makes me frown as well.

"You don't sound very happy about that," I state while I let my fingers move up and down her back in hopes she feels a bit more comfortable.

"It's just that it really shows my hips and boobs and stuff and I'm not really sure about those body parts."

My frown gets even deeper when I hear her talk. Outside of her gorgeous face, those exact bodyparts drive me crazy.

"You're not really sure that..?" I'm trying to understand what she means, but I really haven't got a clue. She looks fucking amazing.

She signs and turns around so she faces me. "It's really sweet that you bought this for me and I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I think this isn't my size. Or the type of dress I should wear with my body."

It is her size, no doubt about that. And if you'd ask me it is definitely the type of dress she should wear. Everyday.

"Baby, what makes you say that?"

She signs, surprisingly enough a bit irritated before she turns around to look in the mirror again. "It is just very tight. My hips look huge. I don't know. Just look at me!" She moves her hands over her form to make things more clear. The only thing that it is making clear for me is that she shouldn't move her hands over her body like that since my dick is appreciating that too much.

"I am, Ana," I move my hands to her upper arms. "I am looking at you and fuck it if I don't want to strip this dress off of you and throw you on the bed to have my way with you. You look stunning, sexy and beautiful and I am fucking proud to be by your side."

I watch her cheeks turn pink and her teeth find her lip, making her look even more desirable. But her expression shows uncertainty and shyness.

"You only say that because you want me to feel better. Everybody else just thinks I'm too fat for this dress and they will ask why the hell I even thought I could pull it off," she mumbles while her eyes go up and down her reflection.

I'm stunned. She is insane. "You are crazy, Ana. Jesus, you are not fat, you have curves. Every man is going to eyefuck you which actually pisses me off. Where is this coming from, baby?"

She looks down to avoid eye contact and I hate it. She looks so vulnerable and even a little scared. "I'm just not used to wearing this kind of dresses."

She isn't telling me everything and for a moment I think about pushing it until I know what is going on in her mind, but it is not how I want it to go. I want her to tell me because she feels safe and right now, she doesn't feel safe enough.

I have my own thoughts about where this is coming from. For the first time since I've got her back in my life, I feel like she is showing me the Ana she was in high school. I fucking hate those bitches who treated her like shit and I wish I could meet them once, just once to show them how wrong they were to fuck with my girl.

I move my hands to her hips and pull her against me a little more as I rest my chin on her shoulder. I want to show her what I see when I look at her. She needs to know what she does to me.

"Look, baby, my hands look huge when I hold you like this," I nod to my hands that are holding her hips, "this dress only shows your gorgeous curves and how my hands fit around them perfectly." I let my hands go over her curves until they rest on her belly. "I love your body, it's so soft under my hands."

She leans back into me, so her head is resting against my chest while her eyes never leave my hands as I move up her body until I stop them just under the curve of her tits, on her ribs. I can feel her breathing pick up speed and I'm pretty sure that my heart is hammering against her head.

"And these," I groan as I grab both of her breasts in my hands, making her suck in a breath as I do so. "These are perfect. The perfect size for my hands. And these," I move my finger over her hardened nipple that peeks through the fabric of the dress, "these are my weakness. I want to suck on them until you are shaking."

Her back arches slightly into my touch and her eyes flutter closed for just a second. When I stop my movement, her eyes shoot open and she looks at me in almost an offended way which makes me chuckle.

"That is really unfair," she whispers, her breathing shallow.

I smile and kiss the top of her head. "I was just showing how you make me feel,"

She smiles and I can tell she feels a little better. She is not completely at ease yet, but we're getting closer. I move my hand to her back and pull up the zipper of her dress which immediately molds around her waist and breasts as if it was made for her.

"Look at you," even my voice has trouble sounding normal, "you leave me speechless, Ana. It is time to show your demons how strong you are. You are so strong and so beautiful, baby."

She lets my words sink in for a moment before I feel her straighten her back and take a deep breath. My beautiful Ana, there she is.

She turns around and moves her arms around my shoulders. "I needed that. I'm sorry for reacting like that, I love the dress. Thank you," she whispers before her mouth finds mine.

We kiss for minutes, both our tongues fighting for dominance while I try to keep myself in control which is almost impossible with a horny Ana who is practically seducing me with her tight little body and amazing kisses. Just when I'm done with it and ready to call Elliot and tell him that he can go without me, the doorbell lets me know that he is already here.

"Ready?" I hold her face in my hands and search for anything that tells me she is not, but she nods her head and smiles.

"Ready," she nods determinedly.

* * *

"And what should we talk about with Mrs. Tang during dinner then? This is going to be so awkward," Kate is obviously just as nervous as Ana, maybe even a little more. I even dare to say I've never seen Kate this nervous and it is quite amusing to see.

"Jesus Kate, you always blab about anything and everything, you can do that during this dinner as well." Elliot is driving while Kate is sitting next to him. Ana and I are on the backseat and we are currently driving onto the parking lot of the restaurant.

Ana has been quiet during the whole ride and outside from a few small smiles and squeezes in my hand, she hasn't really given me any sign that she is still okay.

"You can always talk to her about make-up or plastic surgery," I chuckle, making Elliot laugh as well. The two ladies don't laugh though.

Kate responds first. "That would be very rude, asshole."

"Maybe we should just talk about the hotel with her. Like what kind of furniture she's going to use and what kind of food she wants to serve," Ana says.

I nod my head to let her know I agree. They are making this too big. It is just dinner and we've already got the deal in the pocket.

"I'm sitting next to you, Ana. Elliot won't help me with this, he'll probably be busy staring at Mrs. Tangs huge, fake boobs anyway," Kate laughs, obviously teasing Elliot.

Elliot grins and parks the car. "Jealous, babe? After this deal, I can get you a boob job as well, don't worry."

"Keep talking and you can join me for a nose job when that time comes."

I laugh as I shake my head. They still sound like the couple they were in the beginning, Kate doesn't take bullshit from Elliot. I look at Ana, who has a small smile on her lips as well.

"Thank you for coming with me. I like the idea of you being here," I tell her honestly. I'm not really nervous but I do hope that everything goes according to plan and that it isn't too awkward.

"You're welcome," she smiles and leans forward to kiss my lips sweetly. Her simple gesture makes the hairs in my neck stand.

I move my hand to her cheek and don't let her pull back. I deepen the kiss slightly before I lean my forehead against hers. "I can't wait to get you out of this dress after dinner," I mumble while letting my thumb trace her lips.

Her cheeks turn red again and she places her teeth in her lip, scratching my thumb in the process. It's completely unintentional but sexy as hell.

"I think I'd like that," she whispers with a small smile.

"I know you will. I will make sure you'll-"

A loud knock in the window interrupts us. "Come out, you two. Let's get this party started."

"Fucking Elliot," I groan.

Ana giggles before she pecks my lips one more time and then she gets out of the car. I follow and the moment Ana is within reach, I grab her hand and lace our fingers.

The four of us walk to the restaurant which apparently is one of the best in Seattle. Even the outside looks impressive.

When we walk through the doors, the inside is even more spectacular. Dark colors and modern lighting are making sure the place feels mysterious.

"Damn, he went all out," Elliot mutters when he stands next to me.

I nod my head in agreement and walk over to the counter where a man is waiting to welcome us. As Ana and I make our way over to him, with Elliot and Kate following us, the fucker has his eyes on Ana and on Ana only and it pisses me the fuck off. His eyes move up and down to look at every curve of her body, completely ignoring the fact that I'm right next to her holding her hand. I'm regretting that dress already.

"Good evening and welcome to Purple, how can I help you?" The guy is speaking directly to Ana, he is not even giving me a glance. After he ogled Ana up and down for a good few seconds, his gaze shifts to Kate, whom he also inspects eagerly. He's got some serious balls.

"Yeah, my wife and I are here on the invitation of Mr. Tang," I forcefully answer, getting his attention on me.

"Right, you can follow me. Mr. Tang is already waiting," he nods, now looking at me. I think he got the message.

Ana and Kate giggle while we all follow the guy through the restaurant. I have Ana's hand in a death grip to stake my claim, even though the guy hasn't looked back at us once.

"Never seen jealous Christian before," Kate snorts, "this is going to be fun."

The guy is walking us all the way to the back of the restaurant and literally, every table seems to be booked. It is loaded, so it really must be as good as people say.

The moment I spot Mr. Tang, he notices me too and stands to greet us. He looks very happy to see us and it gives me hope that he will be less formal than during lunch. Mrs. Tang, who is sitting across from her husband, stands to greet us as well and the moment she turns around Ana's hand grips me tighter while she stops walking as if she's just hit the emergency brake.

For a moment I think that she lost her balance but when I look at her I instantly see that something else is going on. Her face is as white as a sheet, her lips are pressed in a thin line and her eyes are focused on Mrs. Tang. I can't read her expression and I have no idea what's going on.

I look at Mrs. Tang again to see how she reacts and to my surprise, her expression almost matches Anas. Her eyes are wide as well, she is biting her lip and she even looks a little nervous. What the hell is going on?

"Excuse me for a moment," Ana mumbles and before I can even ask for an explanation, she has turned around and starts walking away.

Mr. Tang, Elliot, and Kate are looking as if I should know what is going on while Mrs. Tang stays quiet and doesn't move. When Elliot sees I don't have a clue, he takes over.

"Well, Mr. Tang," Elliot walks past me, "my name is Elliot Grey. Very nice to meet you. This is my wife Katherine." Elliot introduces Kate by pulling her towards him while he mentions for me to go after Ana.

I hear Mr. Tang introduce himself animatedly as I turn around and walk to where I saw Ana turn around the corner. I first check the restrooms but when I don't find her there, I walk back to the entrance.

I spot her outside where she is standing with her back to me, in front of the window, next to the door. I walk through the door as well and see that she has her arms wrapped around her belly while she is looking at her feet. She looks vulnerable.

"Ana?"

Her head shoots up but what I see isn't vulnerability at all. I see rage. Her eyes are dark and her breathing is heavy. She is angry and it is sexy as hell. If I wasn't this confused, I would drag her to the car and fuck her senseless.

"What's going on?"

"That's Mrs. Tang? That woman who was eye fucking you as if she isn't married at all is Mr. Tang's wife?" Fucking hell, I had no idea she could sound this furious.

"Um, yeah?" I chuckle, out of nervousness. I really am confused as fuck. "And she wasn't really eye fucking me that bad."

"Yeah, she was," she bites back immediately.

My eyes widen at her bark. "Okay, and that's why you stormed out just now? Because you are jealous?"

She rolls her eyes at me. "No."

"Right," I nod my head and wait for her explanation, but when it doesn't come I speak again. "Then why did you storm out?"

She takes a deep breath and when her eyes find mine again I see that she is close to crying. I'm not sure if it's because she is that angry or sad as well but I waste no time and pull her in my arms where she immediately buries her face in my chest.

"I know her. Her name is Leila," she mumbles after a minute.

I pull back and lift her face, where I find her looking at me knowingly and suddenly I understand. Leila Tang. God damn it.

"As in one of the girls from Savannah?" I ask even though I already know the answer.

She nods her head in confirmation and suddenly I feel exactly the same as Ana, if not even worse. My heart is beating out of my chest and before I know what I'm doing, I have slammed my fist against the concrete wall right next to the window.

Ana gasps and grabs my hand to check out the damage while she scoffs and talks, but I don't hear her. The only thing I hear is the blood that is pumping through my body.

Finally, we have this huge opportunity to grow and then it turns out that the client is the reason that the love of my life almost killed herself.

"Fucking bitch," I growl before yanking my hand out of Anas and turning around with the intention to go inside and let Mrs. Tang know exactly what I think of her, but I'm stopped by Ana's arms that wrap around my waist.

"Wait," she moves so she is standing in front of me, "calm down first. You don't want to ruin everything. You and Elliot worked too hard for this."

"Fuck that, I'll kill her. I don't care about that fucking hotel. I almost lost you because of her."

"I know, I know," Ana's eyes widen when she sees how seething I really am. "I just think you should think this over. That is why I went out as well. I needed to think too."

"About what?" I bark while walking away from her just to walk back a second later. I don't know what to do with this anger.

"I needed to think about how I should behave," she whispers as she follows my movements. She doesn't reach for me, she just watches me pace back and forth.

"And your conclusion is?"

She straightens her back and her expression is determined. "I'm going to show her who I am now. I won't be afraid of her. Not anymore. Enough is enough."

Even though my anger is still there, the immense feeling of proud takes over for just a moment. That's my girl.

"If you are expecting that I am just going to act like I don't know anything, we're going to have a problem, Ana." No way in hell. Leila will pay.

"Christian, you have to calm down. This is a huge deal for Grey Constructions, you have to think about that before-"

"You seriously think I will still build a hotel for that fake whore now that I know who she is? After everything she did to you? No fucking way."

Fuck this deal. Grey Constructions is good without them, maybe not as big but good nonetheless. We will get there by taking another route.

"Christian, you need to see this as something separate from your deal with Mr. Tang."

"No Ana, I can't. You and I, we are one. I'm not doing it. I'll destroy her. I don't know how yet, but I will,''

Jesus, I have never been so angry in my life. For real this time.

"Hey," she moves to me once again and grabs my cheeks with both of her hands. "You told me to show my demons how strong I am. Let me do that and when I'm done, you can talk to Elliot about everything. If you still want to stop everything after that, then you always can."

She is an angel. Even in this situation, she knows how to handle me, despite her own anger. She is amazing and deep down I know that she is right. This is her battle. She needs to do this herself. All I can do is hold her hand and watch her take care of the woman that made her life miserable.

"Alright," I nod and move my nose along hers, "but trust me, Elliot will agree with me. We won't build this hotel."

I move my arms around her and let my hands rest on her ass, making her giggle and shake her head.

I smile as I watch her. She looks gorgeous and cute and fierce and she is all mine. Fuck, I love her.

I kiss her three times before squeezing her ass firmly. Then I push her away slightly before nodding towards the entrance of the restaurant.

"Go get her, baby. I've got your back. Always."


	47. Chapter 47

**A/N: So, so, so excited for this one. God, just so many things are happening in this one. Get ready for fierce Ana and our favorite power couple! Hope it will be everything you're expecting and more. Let me know what you think. X Milou.**

Chapter 47: Clash.

"Ready?" Christian asks the moment I walk out of the restroom. I needed a few moments to calm and think about how I'm going to handle this and I wanted to make sure my make-up and dress were still good as well.

"Ready," I nod, and surprisingly I feel ready as well.

I'm not scared anymore. I actually can't wait to show Leila who I am now. It is like I have been waiting for this moment without even realizing it.

I grab Christian's outstretched hand and lace our fingers before we walk through the restaurant. When the table comes into view again, I see that Kate and Elliot are already talking to Mr. Tang. Leila is sitting with her back to us, so she doesn't see us coming.

The moment Mr. Tang sees us, he stops talking to Elliot and Kate and stands from the table to greet us again. "Christian, everything okay?" He asks with a worried expression.

"Yes, sorry about that. This is my girlfriend Anastasia Steele," Christian proudly smiles, "baby, this is Mr. Tang."

I love the way he calls me baby right in front of Leila. Even though I am standing with my back towards her, I still feel her eyes on me and by the way I saw her drooling over Christian just a few minutes ago, I know she is jealous.

"Mr. Tang, thank you for inviting me," I tell him while shaking his hand.

He nods and smiles before he tells for us to take a seat at the table. I, however, turn around so I'm facing Leila, who cast her head down the moment I turned around.

"Mrs. Tang," I begin while stretching my hand out to Leila, making her shoot her head up in surprise. "Never thought I'd see you again."

She hesitantly takes my hand, "yeah. Hi."

She doesn't look at me and I can't really figure out if it's because she feels uncomfortable or ashamed, but I love seeing her like this. The roles have been turned.

"You two ladies know each other?" Mr. Tang asks excitedly as Christian and I take a seat at the table as well.

I look at Leila to see how she reacts to her husband's question and see that she shakes her head slowly. "We went to the same high school."

For a moment I just look at her. Time really didn't do her any good. Nothing is left of the skinny, fair skinned girl she was when she went to school. She looks older than she really is, despite all her effort. If she wasn't imprinted in my mind, I wouldn't even recognize her.

"What a coincidence!" Mr. Tang claps. "It must be nice to see each other after such a long time. Were you two good friends?"

Kate and Elliot look at me as I really try to put a smile onto my lips, but I know I'm failing horribly. I can't act. "Actually we weren't. We just saw each other sometimes. I moved to Washington after two years."

Leila nods her head in agreement while looking relieved. She should enjoy it for as long as it takes.

Mr. Tang nods his head. "That's how things go. Well, Leila and I are very happy you all came. I want to make a toast," he says as he raises a glass of champagne while nodding for us to do the same. We all follow before he continues, "to a successful collaboration!"

We all nod our heads and clink our glasses before I take a small sip. My eyes are never leaving Leila who looks uncertain and even a little nervous.

"This is your gameplan?" Christian whispers in my ear while he let his finger move up and down my back, making me shiver. "I'm not signing, Ana. So you better show her who's boss before the man starts talking contracts."

"I will," I mumble while listening to Elliot, Kate, and Mr. Tang as they talk about Ava.

The conversation moves to Christian as well and for a few minutes, I just listen while I think about how I'm going to confront her. I don't want to make a whole scene at the restaurant and since I have no idea how Leila is going to react, it might not be good to do it here.

"And how have you met your lovely wife, Mr. Tang?'' I hear Elliot ask. His question intrigues me and for a moment I give the conversation my full attention. I'm curious how he met Leila as well.

"Oh, that is actually a lovely story," he smiles endeared at Leila, who is only slightly returning the favor by giving him a small smile. "Four and a half years ago, I lost my wife. She had breast cancer and after fighting for seven months, she sadly lost her battle. In those last few months, Leila was a great friend and huge support for both of us. She helped my wife with everything and was there whenever we needed her. She even was there for me the moment she passed away."

Mr. Tang tells his story with passion and unconditional love for Leila, who is still trying to smile and pay attention even though I can tell she is not comfortable at all.

"The weeks after my wife's passing were very difficult but Leila was there for me and soon we both started to feel more. You could say that the grief we both felt brought us together."

As I listen to Mr. Tang, I can't help but have this horrible feeling that Leila planned everything. That she knew that Mr. Tang's wife would die and that she purposely made him fall in love with her. I just can't see how Leila loves this man, even though he is probably nice. Leila is way too shallow to look past appearance.

Mr. Tang reaches over the table to grab Leila's hand lovingly. "She is the most caring, sensitive and sweet person I've ever met."

The moment says it, I almost choke on my own saliva before I let out a chuckle. He can't be serious. Poor man.

The whole table is now looking at me. Mr. Tang, Elliot, and Kate are looking at me questioningly, Christian is looking at me curiously and Leila is looking at me with a horrified expression on her face.

"I'm sorry," I chuckle before taking a small sip of champagne, "I'm just having trouble picturing Leila as caring, sensitive and sweet."

"Excuse me?" Mr. Tang immediately straightens his back while he looks at me offensive.

"You see, your wife over here wasn't as caring when she-"

"Ana, can I talk to you for a second? Privately?" Leila cuts me off before she stands, making everybody frown even more in the process. Only Christian is following this whole thing knowingly.

I know why she wants to talk in private. I bet that her husband has no idea what she did and I also think that he wouldn't be too pleased if he'd find out, especially after what she supposedly did for him when he lost his wife. And as much as I want to embarrass her in front of everyone here like she did to me when we were sixteen, I can't. I'm not like her and I don't ever want to be like her.

I feel Christian's hand grab mine as he leans closer to me. "You can stay here, baby. You don't have to go."

I nod my head to Leila and then turn to Christian. "It's fine," I whisper before standing as well and following Leila to the restrooms, leaving three very confused people and one very worried boyfriend behind.

The moment we've arrived in the restrooms, Leila's demeanor changes. Where she was nervous and even a little scared at the table, she now suddenly has her confidence back and has turned into the Leila I know from school.

"So, we meet again," she snarls while her perfectly long, red nail is moving over bottom lip.

She really thinks she can still get to me by using this tone and that I still fear her. She has no idea. Now that I am standing here I actually find it amusing. Pretty Leila, married to a man twice her age because he has money. Filled with botox and fillers and plastered with layers of make-up to keep up the pretty appearance which doesn't work at all. If I'd only knew this ten years ago.

I can't suppress my grin as I straighten my back and look her directly in her eyes. "Seems we do," I take my time to have a good look at her. "Wish I could say nothing has changed but I think we both know that would be a lie."

I watch her move her hand through her hair, obviously understanding that I'm talking about her appearance, among other things. "What the hell are you doing here anyway?'

"I'm here because your husband invited me. Trust me, I am just as surprised as you. I mean, since he could've been your grandfather and all," I chuckle as her cheeks turn bright red. Shame or anger, I'm not really sure what I'm seeing but I am getting under her skin and I love it.

She moves closer to me so that her face is just inches from mine. "You don't know anything about me."

"I know enough and I think you know that as well. It's why we are here in this restroom right now," I surprise myself by not even flinching, even though she is so in my face.

Her sharp laugh fills the restroom and even though it doesn't scare me, I do shiver. I've heard that laugh so many times while I was scared, helpless and hurt, and I can't help but see the images of Leila and her gang humiliating me flash through my mind. Thankfully she moves back a bit, giving me some space.

"All grown up now, are you?" She clicks her tongue, "I still see you laying on the floor, crying and begging for me to stop. In my eyes you still are Ana Banana, honey. Nothing will change that. Not your fancy, tight dress or pretty clean face without glasses. Not even your handsome boyfriend."

Hearing her call me Ana Banana wakens something inside of me. Anger rises as I realize that she really hasn't changed at all. After all these years, after seeing what bullying does to people when she volunteered, she still is exactly the same. She is only thinking about herself.

"Funny, since I still see you crying on the floor as well, with your hands covering your face as you try to stop the nose bleed. Tell me, Leila, is that the reason you had a nose job? Was it because I ruined your nose that bad?"

I don't recognize my voice as I speak, it is filled with anger and hate. I've never hated anyone more than I hate her and I'm not even ashamed of it.

She is looking at me with an equal amount of hate. Her hands are holding her hips while her breathing is heavy and her eyes bore into mine, but I don't look away. Not anymore.

"Don't forget who has the power here, Ana," she snarls, "I bet your handsome boyfriend is very happy with this project and I also think you are forgetting that I can end it with just a snap of my fingers."

Her poor attempt of threatening me only makes me laugh. "You really think he still wants to work for you now that he knows who you are? Trust me, he has walked away before you even have time to snap your fingers."

"Really?" She smirks, "I wouldn't be so sure of that, honey. I have connections, you know. I can make or break the reputation of Grey Constructions. My husband and I have a very large social network. Be careful now, I can destroy him."

"Then I will destroy you. I will tell your husband everything and I have a feeling that that social network of yours will be gone very soon after that," I reply without thinking.

That right there is her biggest fear, I can tell by her reaction. Her expression turns even angrier and before I know what is happening, she moves forward and pushes me back. Do to the force, my back and head hit the door quite hard.

"You should've done a better job that day when you tried to kill yourself."

For a moment I look at her in disbelieve while I let her action and statement sink in. She is evil. Pure evil and I still have no idea what I did to deserve this but I don't dwell on it for too long since anger is taking over.

I launch myself forward and just like last time I saw her, I aim for her nose which I strike perfectly. Leila immediately moves her hands to her face while she curses repeatedly.

"Fucking bitch," she growls. Her hands are still covering her nose but I can tell she isn't bleeding which is probably for the best. God, that would've been a mess.

I walk a little closer to her so I'm standing in front of her and looking her in the eyes. "Don't be a baby, you're not even bleeding."

She removes her hands from her nose to inspect them to see if I'm telling the truth. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

I chuckle and move my face even closer to hers. I'm trying to intimidate her and by the looks on her face, it is working. It is amazing how one good punch can change things. Linda taught me well.

"I'm not that girl anymore, Leila. You don't want to fuck with me," I softly say, never moving or even blinking. "Listen carefully, this is what's going to happen," I lift her chin slightly when I see that she is trying to look away. "We will go back to the table and we will finish this dinner as if we just had a little catch-up talk. You will behave like an adult while you make sure your fake as hell face is covered with a smile."

My voice is cold as ice and I have never felt more confident. It feels so good to see Leila's eyes widen a bit more after every sentence I speak.

"If Christian and Elliot decide not to sign the contract, you will just nod your head and accept it, without taking any further actions. And if you behave to my liking, I don't tell your old ass husband what kind of person you really are. Do you understand?"

She looks at me for a few moments before she slowly nods her head, her eyes cast down. If only Lisa and Susannah could see her now.

"I didn't catch that?" I grab her chin a little tighter, making her flinch.

"I understand."

"Good girl," I move my hand through her hair, not able to resist it. I still remember how the three of them used to do it. It always made me feel horrible, like I was their pet.

After I've warned her with a look one more time, I turn around to open the door. "Oh, and Leila," I turn around to look at her one more time, "stop drooling over my boyfriend. It's annoying and sad at the same time, especially with your husband right there. Show some respect, will you, honey."

I can just see her mouth fall open before I turn around and walk out the restroom with a huge smile on my face. I feel relieved, strong, and above all proud. For the first time, I actually feel proud of myself. This is huge.

As I walk back to the table, I see Christian, Elliot, and Kate talking while I notice that Mr. Tang isn't sitting with them and for a moment I'm scared that he went looking for Leila and me and heard our conversation.

"Where is Mr. Tang?" I ask them when I take my seat.

"He needed to take a call," Christian moves his arm around me. "Baby, I've told Elliot and Kate a bit about how you know Leila. I had to be quick since Tang can come back any moment but they know what she did to you and how you ended up here in Washington."

I'm a bit taken back by the fact that he also told them about Kirkland but I understand that he needed to tell them. He needed to explain to them why he doesn't want to sign the contract. I'm about to respond when I see Leila and Mr. Tang walking back to the table, so I just nod to tell him I understand. We'll talk about it later.

"Well, this is a very chaotic dinner so far," Mr. Tang chuckles as he sits back at the table. "I suggest we just get to the official part."

My heart is hammering in my chest and I grip Christian's hand to let him know I got his back as well, even though I'm dreading this part. I hate it that he is going to give this deal up because of me, but I also know why he does it. He loves me and deep down I know I would be mad if he didn't do this.

"Yeah, we need to talk about this," Elliot starts which surprises me. I thought that Christian would take the lead in this conversation but it warms my heart that Elliot is supporting me. In the meantime, Kate gives me a small wink which lets me know she's on my side as well.

"Unfortunately Mr. Tang, my brother and I have decided that we can't close the deal. New information has made us look more critical at this project and we've come to the conclusion that it's best that Grey Constructions won't build your hotel." Elliot explains while Christian nods his head in agreement.

For someone who just heard that the biggest deal of his life won't be closed, Elliot looks very steady and relax. It's very impressive.

I look at Leila, who is biting her lip while she is looking down at her hands. I can't believe that this woman was actually the girl that made my life a living hell. She looks horrible and very unimpressive right now.

Across from her, Mr. Tang is almost losing his mind. He moves his hand through his hair frantically, obviously not understanding what is going on during this dinner. I actually feel sorry for him. He is the only one that doesn't know what's going on.

"And why, may I ask, did Grey Constructions decide this?" He is trying to be calm and collected but it is causing him a lot of energy.

Elliot looks at Christian, who nods his head before he sits up slightly. "You should ask your wife that, Mr. Tang."

Leila's head shoots up and her wide eyes look from Christian to me and then to her husband, who is looking back at her confused and angry.

"Leila?" Mr. Tang demands.

The whole table is silent as we all look at Leila. She has no idea what to do and the whole situation feels very uncomfortable.

"I... I don't..," She starts but then turns her attention to me. "You told me you wouldn't say anything!" She almost shouts while she jumps from the chair, successfully silencing the whole restaurant.

"Watch it," Christian growls while he stands as well, not giving me the change to reply to her. "She might have said she wouldn't tell your husband what you did, but I didn't promise you shit. I won't work with someone who treated the love of my life like you did and I don't give a flying fuck if it will cost me a big project like this."

Leila had tears in her eyes but still manages to get out a laugh. "Throwing millions away for a mousy, little thing like her."

Christian leans over the table slightly, looking even more powerful than he already is while wearing his suit. "She is worth much more than what you have to offer me. Much more."

I know he means the money but I hope that Leila also thinks he means I can offer him more than she ever can.

"Mr. Tang," Christian turns to him again while he pulls me from my seat, "I suggest you have a good talk with your wife, in private. Thank you for your time and goodnight."

Without another word, Christian pulls me with him and walks away with Elliot and Kate following us, leaving a stunned Mr. Tang and a seething Leila behind.

We walk to the exit in a high tempo, none of us saying a word. I think we are all waiting until we can talk in the car. Despite my pumping heart and the adrenaline that is flowing through me, I have never felt more at ease as I do now.

Christian stood up for me and turned down the biggest deal he ever got because he loves me. Elliot and Kate got my back and just followed Christian without even knowing the whole story. They did it because they care and it gives me an amazing feeling of safety. I'm not alone anymore. I've finally set Leila straight and I was not alone while doing it.

As we arrive at the car, Elliot and Kate step into the front seats while Christian and I walk to the back. Before we get in, Christian pulls me in a bone-crushing hug.

"I'm so fucking proud of you, baby," he whispers as he buries his face in my neck.

I just smile and enjoy the feeling of being wrapped in his arms for a moment. I don't know what to say. This is all very overwhelming.

When we are driving back to Bellevue a few moments later, Kate is the first to break the silence.

"Ana, are you okay? That couldn't have been easy, facing her after such a long time. And after everything you've been through," she sounds concerned and it warms my heart. She doesn't even know me, yet she cares.

"I'm okay," I smile as my grip on Christian's hand tightens. "Overwhelmed and still a bit shocked, but I stood up for myself and I'm really happy that I did." I look at Elliot, who is focussing on the road. "I'm sorry Elliot, I know this was a huge deal for Grey Constructions and-"

"Ana," he interrupts, "I don't know the whole story and I hope you'll tell me when we have time, but I know enough to agree with Christian. We are not building a hotel for someone who made your life a living hell. You don't know me that well yet, but one thing you'll learn is that I'll always choose family over anything."

I smile and nod my head. Elliot is a good brother and I'm happy that Christian at least had him during the ten years I wasn't there. I knew that they were close but Elliot's actions and what he just said show me how close they truly are, and I feel honored that they got my back like this.

"I feel bad for Mr. Tang though. He is losing this deal and he'll probably lose his wife as well," Kate mumbles after another silence.

"He should fucking thank us for that last one," Christian immediately says, "she wasn't in love with him anyway."

Christian, Elliot, and Kate talk a little more about Leila's gold-digging motives while I think back about what happened in the restroom. I still can't believe I said all that without feeling scared or intimidated. I never thought that I could be alone with Leila without feeling out of place, but I proved myself wrong. I felt powerful and strong while doing it.

The only thing I'm not happy about is the way she threatened to ruin Grey Constructions.

"Leila threatened to ruin the reputation of Grey Constructions," I mumble when silence has filled the car again.

Christian, Elliot, and Kate start laughing the moment I finish my sentence. It is the first time since dinner that I feel the tensed atmosphere loosen up and it's very welcoming.

"How the hell is she going to do that? The brat doesn't know anything of construction. Nobody will take her seriously unless she starts talking about a leak in one of her tits," Elliot says, making me laugh as well.

"Don't worry, baby. We're are not scared of her. She is not going to say anything. Trust me, we know too much about her, she is not taking that risk. This was a nice opportunity for Grey Constructions but we'll get there without them. There are other rich people out there," he smiles as he pulls me to him.

The rest of the ride I lay against Christian as I listen to him and Elliot who talk about other projects they are currently working on, and before I know it, Elliot stops the car in front of Christian's house.

Elliot and Kate get out of the car as well to say goodbye and when I turn to Kate, she pulls me in a hug.

"I think it is really brave to face someone that did horrible things to you, Ana," she smiles as she pulls back. "We should have lunch sometime, to get to know each other better."

I smile as I nod my head. "I'd love to."

I say goodbye to Elliot as well, who once again reassures me that everything is fine. Christian and I wave as they drive down the street, to their own house just minutes away from Christians.

As Christian opens the front door, Bobby greets us enthusiastically like always. I greet him just as Christian before I follow Christian through the house and into the kitchen.

"Alright," he says as he grabs two shot glasses and a bottle of whiskey, "we are ordering take out."

I giggle and raise my eyebrow as I watch him walk to the living room. "Why do you need two glasses?"

A smirk spreads across his face as he fills both of the glasses with the liquor. "Because you are going to tell me what happened in that restroom and I think you deserve whiskey while doing so."

"I told you I didn't drink."

"And I told you that I was going to get you drunk when it was just you and me. This is the perfect night to do it since you deserve it for standing up for yourself and putting that bitch in place. I'm fucking proud of you and we should celebrate!" He looks so excited and cute, how do I say no to him when he looks like this?

"But I have to work tomorrow, it's Monday," I say, not as convincing as before. I might want to know what it feels like to be drunk and not care about anything, and now really feels like a good time to not care.

"Then you better call Mandy now and tell her the short version of what happened. She will understand that you can't come to work after a night like this," he smiles and hands me one of the shot glasses. He knows I'll give in, he can probably tell by the way I'm looking from the small glass he is holding in front of me to his twinkling eyes.

He is right. I should call Mandy. I deserve this after what I just did.


	48. Chapter 48

**A/N: Not going to bother you with a note, because I know you all need this. It's a lot. Enjoy! X**

Chapter 48: Wild, crazy and dirty.

"I'm so proud of you, Ana. You did the right thing, really. Don't even worry about that Tang man, he owes you. I'll make sure everything goes smooth tomorrow, don't worry. Someone from another location can probably help me," Mandy rambles.

I have told her the very short version of what happened, and she is obviously very excited about it. I'm really happy that she can arrange something for tomorrow as well. It means that I can enjoy this night with Christian fully.

"Thanks, Mannie. You are the best," I smile. "I have to go since Christian and I haven't eaten anything yet. Take out has just arrived."

I watch Christian walk into the living room with a bag full of fries and burgers. He assured me that drinking always starts with a stomach full of calories. I'm really eating terrible since I've met him and now he is going to make me drunk as well. If dad only knew.

"Alright, have fun! Love you."

"Love you too. Say hi to José," I smile as I hear her shout for José, who is having a shower and can't follow the conversation.

"Hi back," she chuckles after a moment. "Bye Ana."

I disconnect the call and the moment I do so, Christian holds my still full shot glass in front of my face. I told him I would drink it after I'd called Mandy and he obviously doesn't waste time.

"Come on, you're one behind already, lady," he winks.

I roll my eyes, a smile on my lips as I take the glass from him. I have no idea what to expect, but it will probably taste horrible. I've seen the faces José and Mandy make when they take a shot, and you can't tell me they really drink it because they like it.

"Cheers," I mumble before taking the shot in one go. I don't take time to taste it and immediately swallow it away. And it burns. It actually burns very, very bad. This can't be normal or even tasteful.

"Oh, Jesus," I gasp, making Christian laugh loudly.

I feel it burning all the way down, even my stomach burns slightly before it winds down. People can't drink this because they like it. It is impossible.

"I should've filmed that," Christian smirks after he stopped laughing somewhat.

"I did not expect it to burn that much."

"Clearly," he chuckles.

I smirk as I watch him pour whiskey in both of the small glasses again. "Didn't you just say that drinking always starts with eating calories?"

"I did," he nods and gives me my glass, "but one more won't hurt and we should make a toast before we take this one." He holds up his glass and I do the same as I look at him expectantly. "To my fierce, super sexy and tough as hell girlfriend, who kicked Leila's fake ass and told her who's boss."

I giggle and nod my head before our glasses clink. After that, we both drink the shot and I once again am surprised by how it burns all the way down. I guess the second one is just as disgusting as the first one.

"Alright," Christian says while he grabs the bag with food and starts unpacking, "tell me what went down in that restroom."

I reach over to grab the fries Christian is offering me and take one before I start my story. "The moment we were in that restroom, she turned into the Leila I knew from school. She was mean, high handed and arrogant and she actually thought that she could still have control over me if she was intimidating enough," I laugh as I think back on how her face looked when I didn't bow my head like she expected me to do.

"But I didn't let her get to me. She tried to get under my skin, but I didn't let her and in the end, I was the one who intimidated her. I actually said pretty horrible things, now that I think about it," I frown.

"What did you say?" Christian is looking at me curiously while he eats. He is enjoying this so much, it makes me smile.

"I commented on her appearance by telling her that I wished I could say that nothing had changed and I asked her if she had a nose job because I ruined her nose that bad."

Christian burst into laughter and he nods his head as he reaches for the bottle of whiskey. "That asks for another toast!"

I shake my head and stuff a few more fries into my mouth to make sure I have something in my stomach. "If you keep up this tempo I'm not going to be able to tell you the whole story."

"We'll see," he mumbles before he gives me the glass. Just like last time we clink them before both slamming them back. I brace myself for the burning sensation and I'm pleasantly surprised when it isn't as bad as the first two times. I still haven't really tasted it properly, but we are making progress.

"Please continue," Christian nods before he grabs his burger again.

"Okay," I say while I think about what happened next. My head is already starting to feel a little funny, so I better be quick. "Leila started talking about how I should be careful with what I said because she had the power to stop your deal and then I told her that you wouldn't sign anyway because of what she did to me. We threatened each other back and forth, and when I said that I would tell Mr. Tang what she did, she flipped and pushed me against the door."

Christian's demeanor changes as he listens. His hands turn into fists and his jaw tenses but he doesn't speak. He just looks at me intently, waiting for me to continue.

"She said that I should've done a better job when I slit my wrist," I whisper, only now realizing how evil it actually is to say something like that. She literally said that it was better if I died.

Christian moves around the small table and sits next to me on the floor, also with his back against the couch. He gently moves his arm around me and pulls me against him while he kisses my head. "Please tell me you gave her what she deserved?"

I chuckle and nod my head. "I did. I hit her on her nose again and she acted as if it flew off," I giggle. "And after that, I told her not to be a baby because it wasn't bleeding."

"That's my girl. I think we need to celebrate that with another sip of whiskey," Christian is already reaching for the bottle.

"Wait, let me tell you everything first," I move my hand to his arm, "I already feel a bit weird and I want to tell you everything before I can't talk anymore."

I feel him sit back and pull me back against him, "good thinking," he mumbles into my hair.

"She was impressed and timid after I punched her, so I knew that she saw that I wasn't the same girl. It gave me even more confidence and I told her that if she didn't behave to my liking, I would tell her husband what she did. You should've seen her, she nodded her head like a puppet and couldn't even look at me. It was great. Oh, and you know what I also did?!" I clap my hands excitedly, suddenly feeling a bit funnier than moments ago, "I said she should stop drooling over you and then I called her honey!" I snort as I think back to how her face looked the moment I said that before I burst into giggles.

"I guess I should've been there," Christian raises his eyebrow, not really understanding why I'm laughing this hard. He has an amused expression on his face though.

"Let's take another whiskey," I say when I've stopped laughing somewhat.

Christian smirks as he grabs the bottle. "Starting to like it?"

"The last one wasn't as bad as the first one," I admit, "but it still doesn't make sense to me how you can actually enjoy it."

"Well," he gives me the small glass with whiskey, "normally you don't drink this as a shot. I mean, it is effective if you want to get drunk quickly, but you actually should take small sips and let them go through your mouth before you swallow it."

He demonstrates it by smelling the whiskey and taking a small sip before letting it go through his mouth. I do the same and I have to say that the burning is way less if you do it like this. The taste is still not my favorite though.

"See, it's better like this, isn't it?"

I nod my head. "Yeah, but I'm still not a fan of it. Do you feel anything yet?"

He laughs as he shakes his head. "Not yet, I'm a pretty steady drinker. You?"

I take a moment to concentrate on what I'm feeling and I come to the conclusion that I feel a little light in my head. I'm also feeling as if I can burst into giggles again anytime now and my cheeks feel warm.

"I think I do," I conclude while nodding my head and taking the rest of the whiskey in one go.

"I can't believe you've never been drunk," Christian says as he grabs his food and starts eating again.

"It just never appealed to me," I shrug, "I guess I've never felt safe enough to do it. I have no idea how I react to it, by the way. So I'm warning you," I smirk as I take a bite from my burger as well. I'm not really hungry anymore, but I do realize that I need to eat a little more to stay on my feet longer than an hour.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of you," he winks as he takes another bite. I can't help but notice how his eyes darken slightly. His way of taking care of me is not by holding up my hair, I can tell.

"You really think I'm going to have wild, crazy, dirty sex with you while drunk, don't you?"

The moment I say it he almost chokes on his food. His eyes are wide and surprised and there is a bit of burger sauce dripping from his lip onto his chin, making him look adorable.

"Wild, crazy, dirty sex?" He grins after the shock is gone, "I'm intrigued, Miss Steele."

I move to wipe away the sauce before licking it off my finger. "Do you always get horny when you're drinking?"

"What makes you think I'm horny?"

"I mean, you told me that you think that I am a nymph when I'm drunk, so I assume that it is some kind of side effect?" I look at him intently.

"I said that?" He frowns without giving me time to answer because he is already answering himself. "Well, I think that because you are a very sexy, sensual woman who is also shy and maybe when you've had a drink, you will be a little less shy," he explains, a little unsteady I might add. "And I think I am right considering your bold question." He smirks as his slightly red eyes stay focused on me. He is feeling it.

"You didn't give an answer to my bold question though," I raise my eyebrow, making him laugh even more.

"I tell you what," he says as he fills our glasses again, "we take this one and after that, I'll answer the question."

"Okay,' I immediately say, obviously not able to think straight anymore. This shot is probably going to pull me over since I'm starting to feel more and more. I'm not sure how to describe it, but I know I can't walk a straight line anymore.

I hold up my glass and also look at it to make sure I don't spill any whiskey, but then I feel Christian's hand under my chin.

"Always look at the person your toasting with, else you're going to have seven years of bad sex," he states before he nods and drinks his whiskey.

I nod my head seriously, making him laugh again and then follow by taking the shot. The taste is actually starting to grow on me now and I think it has something to do with the fact that it makes me feel funny.

I think Christian feels it too because he looks awfully happy. We both take a few bites of our food before I look at him questionably. "You owe me an answer."

"Oh yeah," he nods his head and turns his whole body towards me as if he is giving me his full attention, "yeah, yeah."

"Yeah?" Is he drunk? Or am I drunk now?

"Yeah," he laughs, "I can be horny while I'm drunk."

"That wasn't my question." That shot was definitely the one that made him drunk.

"What was your question then?"

What was my question?

"I'm not really sure anymore," I giggle after trying really hard to think back to what I asked him. It did have something to do with horny and drunk.

"I've got a question for you," he says as he watches me in amusement, "are you really going to move in with me? And if your answer is still yes, then when will you move in with me?'

He hopefully looks at me with huge puppy eyes and I'm not sure why because I've already told him I wanted to move in with him, but he looks cute so I just answer the question.

"I want to move in with you so yes. We can grab my stuff this weekend if you want?"

"Perfect!" He excitedly says while nodding his head rapidly. He is so handsome and he makes me feel all kind of things and I love it.

"I have a question for you as well," I say. I want to know more about when he went back to Italy.

"Another question?" He laughs, "we should play truth or dare."

"I have never played that," I say as my eyes widen. I want to play that now!

Christian sees how my eyes excitedly widen, and he holds up his hands. "Joking. I was joking."

"Let's play truth or dare. It's going to be so much fun!"

"Oh, fuck sakes," he grabs the whiskey and fills his glass, "I'm not nearly drunk enough for that, Jesus."

"Truth or dare?" I giggle as I watch him slam the whiskey back before filling his glass again.

"Dare."

"I dare you to spin around five times before walking a straight line to prove you're not drunk enough for truth or dare."

"Ana," he starts seriously, "if I would spin around five times while sober I wouldn't be able to walk a straight line either."

"Just do it," I giggle as I throw a few fries at him.

I watch him get up from the ground and walk to the open space next to the fireplace. He looks steady, but he does hold the chair that is standing next to him for support.

He is standing there for a few moments and just as I want to tell him to do it already, he lets go of the chair and starts to circle around. After exact five times, he stops and immediately tries to walk forward. It looks like he thinks he is doing a really good job, but in reality, he doesn't even move forward, more sideways and it is hilarious.

He is making his way back to me while almost tripping over his own feet a few times, making me laugh so hard that tears are rolling down my cheeks. He was right when he told me that I deserved this. I needed it. This is so much fun.

When he has finally reached me, he takes his spot on the floor again before he looks at me. "Yeah, laugh. It's okay. Your turn, baby. Truth or fucking dare?" His grin tells me that he wants to give me a dare as well, so I play along.

"Dare."

His smile widens and his eyes are twinkling. "I dare you to strip for me."

I feel my cheeks heat up instantly and immediately I wonder if I'm drunk enough to do that. I should've known that he would dare me to do something like this.

"What exactly do you mean by 'strip'?" I'm trying to buy some time to figure out how I'm going to do this. I'm so not confident enough to do it, even though it is just Christian.

"Strip as in taking off every single clothing that you're wearing, in front of me so I can look at you." He traces his finger over my cleavage, "and luckily for you, you are not wearing much."

I look down at the blue dress. "Don't you mean luckily for you?"

He shakes his head while still grinning. "No, I would've loved to see you take off three layers of clothing because then it would've taken longer, so you better do it slowly."

He suddenly sounds soberer and I feel a lot warmer than minutes ago. If I'm really doing this, I need more courage.

"Can you fill my glass again? I think I need another one."

He nods his head and two minutes later I'm officially out of this world. My head is spinning in a good way and I'm a little afraid to stand but I do feel more confident about giving a strip show, I think.

I stand from the floor slowly, using Christian's shoulder for support. To my surprise, I'm not super dizzy and I'm able to walk without tripping over my own feet. When I stand next to the fireplace, I realize I have no idea what to do and because of the nerves, I start giggling uncontrollably.

"Something funny?" Christian grins as he stands also. For a moment I think that he is coming to me, but then I see him walk to the chair and lift it up to put it right in front of me before he takes a seat on it.

My eyes widen and I stop laughing as I realize how close he actually is right now. "What are you doing?"

"Taking a front row seat so I can see the show perfectly," he smirks while his eyes follow my body until he meets mine. "Do you need music?"

I shake my head. I'm a terrible dancer so I don't think music would be a good idea. This needs to be sexy, not hilarious.

I take a deep breath before I move my hands to the back of my dress to move the zipper down as best as I can. My eyes are locked with Christians. He is looking at me intently, never breaking eye contact and it is surprisingly enough making me feel sexy.

When I managed to move the zipper down a bit and I'm not able to move it down further, I turn around slowly and take a few steps back until I feel Christin's knees against the back of my legs.

"You need to help me with this," my voice is soft and shaky. This is doing more to me than I thought. My heart is hammering in my chest and I'm very warm, but I'm also feeling something in my lower stomach.

"I'd love to," he murmurs before I feel him pull the zipper down slowly. He is tracing his finger over my skin as he moves down, just like he did when he zipped it up, and the simple gesture is giving me goosebumps all over my body.

"All done," he whispers way too soon.

I nod my head and take two steps before turning around again. Christian's cheeks are a little red as well and his mouth is slightly open. His hair is messy because he has run his hand through it and his eyes are almost black. I doubt that he will stay on his seat the whole time. He looks at me as if he wants to attack me.

I slowly let the straps of my dress fall down my shoulders before removing my arms, one by one so that the dress falls down and hangs around my waist. I'm wearing a simple, black bra which reminds me that I really need to buy some nice underwear now that Christian is my boyfriend.

"Do you even realize how fucking amazing you look right now?" Christian almost groans. His eyes are focussed on my breasts now and without thinking I straighten my back to make them look even better. Alcohol really makes him horny.

I hook my fingers into the hanging dress and move them over my hips slowly. As I bend a little to guide it further down, I feel the effect of the alcohol again and I'm very happy that I've pulled off the heels when we came home because it would've been a disaster if I still had them on.

When I'm standing in front of Christian in just my bra and panties, I'm a bit lost at what to do next. I know a striptease should be sensual and stuff, but I honestly only feel sweaty and unsteady.

"Come here," Christian offers me his hand which I take without hesitation. "You're doing amazing," he says as he pulls me forward so I'm standing in between his legs.

"It doesn't really feel natural," I admit as I lay my hands on his shoulders.

"I fucking hope so," he chuckles, "I mean since I don't like the idea of you taking off your clothes for everyone."

I smile as I watch him move forward so that his mouth and nose are touching my belly. He leaves little kisses on my skin as his eyes close. "You know what I want?" He whispers against me.

"What do you want?" I breathe. My skin is on fire.

"I want to take a shot of whiskey off of you."

My breathing hitches just thinking about it. I want that. "But I haven't finished the dare."

"You can finish it later. I need another drink,"

"Okay," I nod my head and step back so he can stand. When he does, he kisses me once before he walks to grab the bottle of liquor and walking back to me.

"Lay down," he nods and I do as I'm told eagerly, making him chuckle.

"Excited?"

I nod my head and smile. I never thought that being drunk could be this much fun. I feel much looser than I normally do, I have this delicious tingle in my body and sometimes it feels as if I'm floating a bit.

Christian sits next to me on the ground. "Now," he says as I feel the liquid fall into my belly button, "you need to stay very still. I don't want you to spoil this amazing whiskey. Can you do that?"

I'm shaking slightly, not because I'm cold but because I feel something that is comparable to nervousness. It's not it though, it's caused by Christian and his sexy actions but it does make it very difficult not to move.

Christian places the bottle next to him before he leans forward and kisses me on my lower belly, making me buckle a little bit.

"Watch it, baby. I don't want it to drip off," he speaks against my skin which makes it even more difficult to stay still.

After he's kissed me a few times, he moves up a little and dips his tongue in the whiskey before he places his mouth over my belly button and drinks everything off me. After he swallowed it, he licks me a few times to make sure he hasn't missed a thing.

'So good," he groans as his dark eyes meet mine. The way he licks his lips drives me crazy and I feel as if I have no control over my body. I'm aroused, but not in a normal way. It's more intense but at the same time, it feels as if I'm not completely here.

"Can I do the same?" I ask him. I know I should probably stop drinking, but I can't let an opportunity like this pass me by.

He smiles and nods his head before he leaves a kiss on my belly and then moves up to take off his dress shirt. His broad shoulders, huge chest and strong belly seem to have more effect on me now than before. He looks so good while wearing his dress pants with a belt. I'm almost squirming and he isn't even touching me.

He lays down next to me and I move into position next to him but then I decide that I need to be closer to him. I take him by surprise as I sit on his upper legs. This way I have the perfect view and I can reach him perfectly as well.

I pour the whiskey on his belly. I'm trying to aim for his belly button as well but since I'm not as steady as normal, I completely miss. His abs are covered in whiskey, making him curse as he reaches for his dress shirt to make sure it doesn't leak onto the floor.

"Jesus, Ana. It's called a body shot which actually means just a little, not half of the bottle."

The way he says it makes me laugh out loud. "Sorry, I'm not as steady anymore."

"Obviously," he chuckles, "clean me up."

I nod, lean forward and let my tongue move over his abs. The moment I make contact with his whiskey covered skin, his muscles contract under my touch. I hear him groan as well and it pleases me immensely to see that he has the same reaction to me as I have to him.

"It tastes much better like this," I murmur as I lick every inch of his belly until the taste of whiskey has faded and all I taste is him. Then I move my tongue higher and let my tongue move over his left nipple. It drove me crazy when he licked my nipples and I want to see how he reacts when I do the same.

I let my tongue slowly move in circles around his nipple. His left-hand flies to my hair to hold me in place as he encourages me to keep doing what I'm doing. It's such a thrill to know that I can make him feel like this.

After a few swirls of my tongue, he can't take it any longer and grabs my hair in his hand before he pulls my head up so my face meets his. His lips crash on mine the moment I'm within reach and his tongue forces his way into my mouth desperately.

I kiss him back with the same need and move my hands into his hair to pull him even closer to me. As a response, he moves his hands to my behind, where he digs his nails in my skin and pushes me onto his erection.

"I want it wild, crazy and dirty, baby," he murmurs against my mouth in between kisses. God, I want that too.

I'm not able to speak. I can only nod my head and move my hips against him even harder to let him know that I want exactly the same.

"Take off your bra," he commands after a few kisses that seem to get rougher with the second. My lips are burning and I taste the whiskey on them as well which is giving it a very nice sensation.

His mouth finds mine again as I reach behind to open the clasp of my bra and pull it off. The moment it hits the floor behind me, Christian rolls us over so that he is laying on top of me before he pulls his mouth from mine and moves to stand in between my legs, leaving me panting and needy.

''What are you doing?"

He doesn't answer, he just smirks and unbuckles his belt before he opens his pants and pulls it down, along with his boxers. When he has stepped out of them, he bends to grab the bottle of whiskey. His playful gaze finds mine, a huge smirk on his face as he pours the remainings of the whiskey all over my body.

"Oh my God," I gasp as I feel it hit my breasts, belly and in between my legs. "I thought you said not to spoil it."

He gets on his knees in between my legs. "I'm not, I'm planning on licking everything off of you. And after I've done that, I'm going to fuck you until you scream."

I don't have time to reply since I feel his tongue on my right breast immediately after he stopped talking. My whole body is stiff from anticipation, curious to feel his tongue. He moves over my breast, from the outside to the center and when he reaches my nipple, he sucks it in forcefully. It almost hurts, but it also gives me a kind of pleasure I've never felt before.

He sucks, bites and soothes my peak and I'm on the edge already. I'm almost not aware of what is happening, I feel very light in my head yet the feeling seems way more intense.

Just when I think I can't handle it anymore, Christian moves to my left breast where he repeats the whole process again. I've thrown my head back and my eyes are shut closed as I try to keep my body in control, but it is useless. He is driving me crazy, I can't do anything but let him take me away.

My back arches and pushes my breasts further into his mouth on their own accord. "Come on, Ana. Come. Let go," he hisses as he bites my nipple hard. It hurts, but it is also exactly what I need to let go and as I come, I'm amazed by how well he knows just how much I can handle.

As he gets me through my orgasm, I feel his hands roam my sides. He is making sure I'm okay, and as I calm down, I feel a few tears leaving my eyes. Christian doesn't pay attention to them though. He is too busy with letting his tongue go over my skin to collect all the whiskey he poured on me.

He moves lower and lower, and just when I've finally got my breathing in check a little bit, he opens my legs and attacks the bundle of nerves in between them, making me scream. Hard.

My hands move to his hair and pull, but I don't want him to stop. I want him to keep going until I can't move anymore. I'm high on him. His touch, his scent, and his amazing skills.

"Christian," its the only thing that leaves my lips. His name. It has always been his name.

His tongue licks and sucks me while his hands move over my body. I try to keep my legs open for him, but sometimes he just hits a spot that makes them close on reflex even though I don't want to. He doesn't stop though. He doesn't care. His face is buried in between them and it's as if the only thing that matters for him is getting me there again.

Within seconds, he's got me there. I'm shaking, sweating and pulling his hair as I moan his name over and over again, letting my orgasm overtake my whole body. I don't fight it, I just give over to the feeling. I have never felt anything as intense and all-consuming as this.

When I'm getting back the control over my body again, I open my eyes and look directly in Christians. He is hovering over me, his eyes are black and screaming lust.

"Open up for me, Ana," his voice is hoarse as if he is the one who did all the screaming.

My legs feel like jello but it doesn't stop me from spreading them as far as I can to let Christian take me. I want him to. I don't want this to end.

Without any warning, he slides into me, immediately filling me completely. "Fuck, Ana. I'll never get enough of this. Never," he moans as his forehead leans against mine.

His strokes are slow but determined and placed. He knows precisely how to move in order to reach the spots that make me shiver. It's hard to believe that a man like this, who is capable of everything he is doing to me right now, hasn't had sex for ten years.

My hands move to his back where I brace my nails into his skin, making him hiss as his thrusts become more forceful. "I want you raw tomorrow. I want you to feel me when you move," he growls before his face moves into my neck where he starts sucking on my skin.

"Christian, please," I beg.

"What do you want, baby? Tell me."

I feel my body stiffening again, all my muscles are tensed and waiting to be released. I'm not sure if I can handle it. It's too much.

'I need to come," I manage to get out in between moans.

Christian seems to know what I need because he moves my right leg over his shoulder and starts to move even faster. He is so deep inside of me, it's too much but he can't stop. Not now.

"You belong to me, Ana. Only me," he groans while his hand grabs my throat. "Tell me that you're mine. Please."

The strangled please that leaves his lips warms my heart. I don't know why but it shows me how much he loves me, how long he waited for me and how much he needs me.

"I'm yours. Only yours."

My words are enough for him to let go and even while I'm drunk and completely flabbergasted, the sight of him coming is focussed and clear.

"ANA!"

His muscles are clenched and his eyes are closed as he comes. He looks so powerful like this, it's amazing. And all the while, he still remembers to reach in between us to rub me until I'm also coming again.

As my orgasm still rips through my body, Christian lays his head on my chest. I move my arms around his head as he moves his around me and turns so that we are both on our sides.

I'm sticky and sweaty, my body feels as if every muscle is pulled and I'm sure I have bruises from Christian's assault, but I've never felt more loved than I do at this moment. I'm drunk and tired but it was all worth it. Drunk sex with Christian is amazing.

"I love you," I hear him mumble. The sound of his voice tells me that he feels the same as me.

"I love you," I smile.

We lay in silence for a moment and I'm almost ready to fall asleep right here on the floor when I feel something leaking onto my leg. Something that is definitely not me. Christian realizes it at the same time as me, I can tell by the way his head shoots up and his wide eyes meet mine. To my surprise though, I'm not as shocked as I probably should be, even though it has just been four days.

"It's okay," I mumble with a smile as I move Christian's head back to how he was laying against my chest.

His arms pull me against him impossibly tight. "You are amazing."


	49. Chapter 49

**A/N: Here we go! I had a bit trouble with uploading on this site. Every time I clicked on publishing the screen turned white and I couldn't do anything, but I managed to open it with a different browser. The chapter we've all been waiting for is here, and I truly hope it meets all your expectations. Enjoy and please let me know your thoughts. X Milou.**

Chapter 49: The truth behind the lie.

A slap in my face wakes me from my very deep sleep. It didn't hurt, but the hand is almost covering my whole face and I groan as I realize that it isn't making any attempt to move.

I slowly open my eyes, blinking a few times as I do to get used to the bright light that fills the room and when my eyes are somewhat ready for it, I immediately focus on the beautiful girl that is sound asleep next to me on the couch in my living room. Technically she is laying half on me since the couch isn't as big as a bed.

I remove her hand from my face before bringing it to my mouth and giving it a kiss. She doesn't move an inch and it looks like she is almost in a coma. It doesn't surprise me at all because we really drank way too much last night.

As I still watch Ana, I focus on how I'm feeling. Considering the fact that we drank a whole bottle of whiskey, I feel surprisingly good. My head feels a little heavy, my mouth is very dry and I could use a painkiller to make me feel a little more comfortable, but other than that I'm fine.

I let my eyes follow Ana's body for a moment. We are still naked and her left leg is draped over my lower abdomen. It feels as if she tried to wrap herself around me and it is the best feeling in the world.

Fuck, that's a lie. The best feeling in the world is definitely being buried inside Ana without anything in between us. As drunk as I was, I still remember precisely how it felt; warm, tight and so wet.

A small part of me feels that I should've thought about putting on a condom which I really, truly forgot at first. I was so into the moment and drunk as fuck, that I only realized it when I felt her dripping.

That small part says that I should've made the first time without a condom a special one, especially because Ana isn't on birth control. But luckily Ana didn't seem to mind it that much yesterday so I have hope that she still doesn't mind it now while she is sober.

I feel her move beside me and I turn my head just in time to see her eyes flutter open. She looks a little pale and by the way she opens and closes her mouth a couple of times I can tell she needs a drink as well. Her mouth does turn in a beautiful, content smile though, so I think she isn't feeling as bad either.

"Morning," her voice is raspy and full of sleep, and it's fucking cute.

"Morning," I smile, "how are you feeling?"

I watch her stretch her limps and roll her neck a few times, her body on display for me to look at as she does. She really looks amazing. She is perfect.

"My head hurts and my mouth is dry,' she starts and I pull my attention away from her body, "and I feel sore." She whispers the last part with pink cheeks before she bites her lip.

I can't help but grin at her confession. "Really?"

She giggles as she sits up slightly. "Yes, and you don't look very sorry about that."

"Because I'm not. I love it that you still feel what we did," I smile as I watch her cheeks turn even redder. She looks down at her hands and I can see a frown forming after a few seconds.

"About what we did..," she starts and looks at me with a serious expression.

I know what she is going to say, and before she can, I speak because I need her to know how I feel about it.

"Listen, Ana, I'm sorry. I should've thought about the condom. It wasn't intentional, I was so into you that I just forgot. All I could think of was me buried inside of you. I realized that I forgot it when you realized it too."

She nods her head and then turns to me. "I know, I felt the same. We just need to make sure it doesn't happen again. I should get on birth control, then we don't have to worry about it anymore. I don't think we have a problem now since it was just this once and my period is supposed to start in four days."

Hearing her refer to a potential pregnancy as a problem hurts me more than I care to admit, but I let it go and just nod my head in agreement. I'm moving way too fast and Ana is clearly not ready for everything. She is right, not even a week has passed since I got her back. I want to make up for the lost years by pushing everything that could have happened in those ten years in a week.

"I did enjoy my first time being drunk and I absolutely love drunk Christian," she smiles after a short silence, making me grin as well.

"You surprised me, baby. You kept up with me pretty good."

She giggles and throws her arms around my neck while her body crashes on top of my own. Her warm body fits perfectly against mine and as I wrap my arms around her waist tightly, I once again take moment to let it sink in how lucky I am to have her back in my life like this, naked, glowing, and happy.

"I'm making you breakfast," she states after a few minutes of cuddling. She jumps up before I even have time to register what happens, waking Bobby who was apparently laying next to the couch as she does.

Ana grabs my dress shirt from the floor and puts it on before she disappears into the kitchen and out of view. Bobby is sitting patiently at my feet, a puppy eyes look on his face as if he is begging me to take him for a walk.

"Alright, we'll go," I get up from the couch as well and walk straight to the bedroom to freshen myself up with Bobby on my heels the whole time.

When I walk into the kitchen a few minutes later, I find Ana behind the kitchen counter, baking bacon and eggs. She has buttoned one button of my dress shirt just so it doesn't fall open but it isn't enough to hide her belly and cleavage. Her hair is a wild mess and she looks gorgeous.

I move behind her and wrap my arms around her waist, letting my fingers play with the one button she fastened. "I'm going for a quick walk with Bobby."

She nods as she moves her head to the side, giving me room to kiss her neck and sniff her skin. She smells like whiskey and sex, and it brings back all the feelings I had last night. My hips move forward on their own accord while thinking about it, pressing my rapidly growing dick against her.

"Okay," she signs, referring to me walking Bobby, "I've got breakfast ready when you're back." She smiles, "I'll have a shower while your walking, I feel sticky."

"You are sticky," I smirk and press one more kiss onto her neck. "Wait with the shower, I'll clean you up after breakfast."

She nods her bead before turning to give me a proper kiss. "Okay.''

I make my way to Bobby, who is now almost losing his shit. He is impatiently circling around the kitchen and I feel bad for not taking him out sooner.

"Christian?" Ana calls just as I walk out of the kitchen.

"Yeah?"

"Can I invite my parents for dinner tonight? I really don't want to wait any longer. I need to know what mom wanted to tell me. I keep thinking about it and it drives me crazy."

As much as I want to spend this day with Ana alone and avoid any contact with her dad a little longer, I also know that we need to talk with them again. And I would be lying if I said that I wasn't curious as to what they are hiding.

"Yeah, tonight is good. We'll get the groceries later today," I say and instantly see her relax. She was nervous about asking me this.

"Thank you," she smiles.

I nod my head, "baby, this is your house as well now. You can invite anyone you want, you know that right?"

I want her to feel comfortable here.

"I know. I just asked since you and dad aren't really on speaking terms."

"I'll get over that for the person I love," I tell her determined, "let's see if your dad will too."

I can't help but make the comment and it earns me an eye-roll from Ana. I fucking hope her dad will behave and at least stop with the 'boy' statements. He is the one who owes us an apology, not the other way around.

"I'll be back," I say when Bobby barks yet again. He really needs to get out of this house for a moment and the fresh air will do me good as well.

"I love you."

I look at her one more time and take her in. In my shirt, in our kitchen, talking about our plans for inviting people over while making us breakfast. I fucking love this.

"I love you."

* * *

Ana's parents agreed to meet us at six, and ever since Ana spoke to her mother, she has been a nervous wreck. I'm not sure if she is nervous about what her parents want to tell us or because she is afraid that I won't behave, but I do know that she is overreacting.

"And we won't tell my parents that I've agreed to move in with you, okay?" She runs past me in her underwear while I'm sitting on the bed.

"Why not?"

She stops her movements and looks at me as if I've grown a second head. "Seriously? You really think that telling them that news will help to cut the tension?"

"Ana, you are an adult. You can do whatever you want. Why are you this nervous?"

Even though the way we parted last time wasn't ideal and I'm sure that Ray isn't looking forward to seeing me again, I'm not nervous. He is coming to my house this time, where I decide what's happening. On top of that, he is the one that made the mess. I'm not nervous at all.

"I know that," she signs as she takes place next to me on the bed, "I'm afraid of what they will tell me. I'm scared that it will change everything. Everything they did for me and everything they said, I'm afraid that it was all a lie. And I don't want that, because even though they did something that was wrong, I still love them and I don't want that to change. I hate the idea of you and dad not talking to each other as well which is something that will happen if what they have to say is as bad as I think it is. I don't want all this."

Her head lies on my shoulder and I can tell that she is on the brink of crying. I wish I could tell her that it won't be that bad, but I know I can't promise her that. If what her parents are hiding is worse than keeping us apart, it will change everything.

"Baby," I move and hold her face in my hands, "you need to calm down and wait for what they have to say. It doesn't help if you keep dwelling on it now. We don't know anything yet."

She nods her head in agreement. "It's difficult to do that."

"I know but you have to try. You need to listen to your parents carefully and you need to let it sink in afterward," I'm trying to be the wise one here, even though I know I won't be able to let it sink in if it's bad.

She nods her head again before taking a deep breath. Then she walks back to the closet where she has stored the clothes she brought here on Sunday.

Five minutes later she walks out in light blue jeans and white sweater, her hair in a ponytail with some strings falling out of it and she is wearing her glasses.

"I don't feel like dressing up," she states as she sees my eyes move over her appearance.

"You look beautiful," I tell her honestly.

I can see a small smile on her lips and her cheeks turn a little pink as well, but it soon disappears when she hears the doorbell ring.

"I'm here, Ana," I mumble as I grab her hand and walk to the front door to greet our guests.

When I open the door, I'm met with two people who look equally nervous as Ana and I suddenly feel like an outsider. If they are nervous as well, it can't be good. Even Ray, who didn't even look impressed the last time he saw me, is now obviously tensed.

"Hi," Ana is the first to break the silence and with a small smile on her face, she mentions for her parents to come in.

"I'm glad you called honey," Carla smiles as she gives her daughter a careful hug. After that, she turns to me. "Christian, thank you for inviting us, your house is lovely."

I nod my head and take the hand she offers me. I try my best to be polite but I'm hesitant. Ray is standing behind Carla, and the moment Ana leads her mom further into the house, he and I are standing across each other. His expression is serious, but he isn't trying to intimidate me.

"Christian, thank you for inviting us," he nods as he shakes my hand, his grip a little less firm than I'm used to.

"You're welcome. Ana needs this," I nod, making sure that he knows that he still isn't on my favorite person list.

We both follow Ana and Carla, who are now in the living room. Bobby is happily barking to greet our guests as he stays close to Ana who moves her hand to give him some attention.

"What can I get you to drink?" I ask them when they're all sitting. I want to give Ana a minute with them first.

"A water please," Carla smiles.

I look at Ray. "Yeah, I need something stronger than that," he says, his arms folded in front of him.

"I'm out of whiskey, but I have red wine?" I say and I see Ana's cheeks heat up out of the corner of my eye. She is no doubt thinking about that whiskey as well.

"Perfect," he nods.

I walk to the kitchen to get their drinks. I decide to join on the wine and I grab an iced tea for Ana since she bought that this afternoon. I take my time to give Ana and her parents some space to talk in private.

When I walk back, however, I'm met with complete silence. Ana is sitting on the couch with Carla next to her while Ray is sitting on the chair. I debate on where to sit for a moment, but then I see Ana's eyes practically begging me to sit with her.

When I've given everybody their drinks and take my place next to Ana, Ray starts talking immediately.

"How are you, sweetie?'' He looks at Ana, his expression worried.

'I'm okay," Ana shrugs, "I mean, I'm happy that Christian and I are back together. It had been a long time since I felt like this, but unfortunately, it is overshadowed by your whole reaction and confession. And now I also have a feeling that you didn't tell me everything and that scares me."

I move my arms around her shoulder when I see that she has trouble speaking. My brave girl.

Ray nods his head but he doesn't say anything, as if he needs to process what Ana just said.

"Ana," Carla grabs Ana's hand to get her attention, "we need to tell you something, but you need to know that this will have an impact. Not just on us and our relationship," she says before she moves her gaze to me. "It will have an impact on more people."

The way she says it gives me an uneasy feeling. I'd like to think that she means that it will affect me as well because I love Ana and they kept me away from her, but something tells me that is bigger than that.

"Well?" Ana asks, moving her gaze from Carla to Ray, obviously impatient.

Carla looks at Ray, who is still debating on something. After a silence in which we all turn our head to Ana's dad, he finally straightens himself before taking a swing of his wine.

"When we came back from Italy, we focussed on making sure you could go to a new school and helping you with your trauma of being bullied. Your new school, Linda and Dr. Flynn, we send you there to help you, and I hope that it did help you, even if it was just for a few weeks," he starts, his eyes never leaving Ana who is now gripping my hand tightly while she listens intently.

"I don't know if you know this, but Dr. Flynn kept us informed on your status. He didn't tell us anything about what you said to him, but he did tell us if he saw progress. Linda did the same and we had hope that you were going to be able to give everything that happened a place." Ray continues. The more he talks, the more regret I hear in his voice, real, genuine regret.

"He kept telling us the same thing; that you were having a very difficult time but that you tried your best. After you started at your new school, he even told us that you were moving forward, and based on what we saw at home, we agreed. You seemed happier with your new friends."

"Even though you didn't really say it, I saw that you missed Christian. I've always known when you were lying, Ana and every time you said that you were doing better, I knew you were lying. You just weren't the same after we came back from Italy and I knew it wasn't just because you had told us about your life at school. Dr. Flynn confirmed my thoughts when he told us how much you talked about Christian during sessions. So, without anyone knowing about it in case I would fail, I searched for Christian. I had his last name and his father had told me about his work. I hoped that that was enough."

I have no idea where this is going and I'm not sure if I believe it, but what I do know is that this is way worse than I thought. I feel Ana tense next to me as well but I don't dare to look at her. My eyes are focussed on Ray. I want to see how he tells me this in hopes I can also see if he is telling the truth. Right now, he looks nervous and I hate to say it but he also looks sincere.

"I have to say that I did think that it would've been very difficult to have a relationship while being that young and with that distance. And I also was taking the risk that Christian had moved on but I couldn't stand seeing you like that. So I went for it and I actually found him very quickly since I could use some devices at work."

Silence fills my living room as Ray takes his wine. I can't describe what I'm feeling right now, and maybe that is for the best. I know where this is going and all I want to do is get into my car and drive to Portland while hitting the gas but I need to know more. I need to know what happened next.

"Dad," Ana sobs. She is a loss of words as well. Tears are wetting her cheeks while she looks at her father in disbelief. Next to her, Carla tried to comfort her, her face pale. She must have known this.

"I contacted Carrick," Ray continues after he worked away half of his wine. "I first had to remind him who I was which was harder than I thought it would be, but when he knew who he was talking to, I explained the situation. Not in great detail, but enough for him to understand my intentions."

Ray stops and looks at me in an apologetic way.

"What did he do?" I don't recognize my voice as I speak. All wheels are turning in my head, all thoughts are working on full force. What the fuck did he do?

"Your father wasn't happy with my call. At first, he told me about your reputation back home, in hopes I would change my mind but I didn't. I don't know why since it wasn't the most positive background a guy could have, but I think it didn't convince me enough. It also had to do with the attitude of your father. And that attitude only got worse."

"He didn't feel anything for giving you two a chance to get into contact with each other. He was very clear in that you had to focus on your school since you were set to take over his business with your brother. He also didn't see a girl like Ana beside you while doing said business because she was and I quote 'just the daughter of a hairdresser, not the typical girl that would fit into our class'. You can imagine what I thought of that."

My expression and demeanor match Ray's at this moment. Anger. Fists clenched. Heart beating fast.

"After he said that, the conversation changed. We got into a discussion, me trying to defend Ana and him pushing on how he wasn't going to help with it. I was very determined in making it happen, even more so to prove how wrong he was to say something like that about my daughter. By the time he figured that out, he humiliated me by offering me money to stop the whole charade. Right after that, I disconnected the call because I knew I was too angry to continue."

This whole thing is getting more absurd with the minute. I knew class and money were important to my dad, and that he had expectations from me isn't new either, but the fact that he would actually go this far shocks me. He offers a man he doesn't know money to keep his daughter away from me, yet Elliot and I didn't get a single dollar when we started our own business.

"What happened next?" Ana's soft voice rips me out of my confused thoughts.

I look at Ray and see him bow his head as if he is ashamed. "Two days later you came home from school and stormed into the bathroom," he chokes up as he speaks, obviously still very emotional while talking about what happened to Ana.

"God, Ana. Your mom and I were so scared. I thank God every day that we were able to kick in the door and get you an ambulance on time. I don't want to think about what would've happened if we were just a little later."

Ray is crying now, as is Carla, I can hear her sobs. When I look at Ana, I see that her expression is very neutral. She almost doesn't show any emotion at all. I, on the other hand, can only feel anger and betrayal, and I have a feeling that it will only get worse.

"When I saw you lying in that hospital bed, you looked so small and fragile. Nothing was left of the girl that glowed in Italy. You looked so lost and our biggest fear was losing you." Ray tries to keep it together and after a few moments, he succeeds.

"As you know, Ana, there was a doctor there who arranged a place for you in the care hotel. When he told us about it while you were sleeping, he was really enthusiastic about it, almost in an arrogant way. But the more he told us about it, the more we realized that it was the best option considering the fact that we wanted you to get better while we could be close to you. So, when you woke up, we told you about it and thankfully, you agreed."

"When I told the good doctor what we decided, he was very happy, excited even which surprised me. But when he told me what the costs were of this exclusive care hotel, everything made sense. He had not mentioned the financial part before we talked to you and to say it was a shock when I heard about it, is an understatement. Call me naive but I never thought it would cost as much as it did."

"We had some savings, but those weren't nearly enough to cover the costs of the care hotel, not even considered the fact that we needed to move and that we would lose the income of your mom at least for a few months since she needed to start over in Washington. We wanted what was best for you, Ana, and we were convinced that it was the care hotel. It was the only thing that gave us the certainty that you would get intensive help specialized to your problem. So, I swallowed my pride, bowed my head, and pushed away every feeling I had before I called Carrick Grey," Ray almost whispers the last part in a way full of disgust.

Ana is gripping my hand impossible tight, her nails digging in my hand as I feel her other hand on my shoulder, keeping me from standing from the couch. I'm not even aware that I'm trying to get off of it in the first place. All I can think about is how my own dad caused all this misery. How he basically paid for my misery, along with Anas.

I want to confront him. I need him to look me in my eyes and tell me what he did. After all those years of treating me like shit while he was the fucking reason.

"You asked me to forget about Christian before you heard about the costs of the care hotel," Ana states. She is obviously having doubts about her dad's confession and I don't blame her. It feels like I'm in a fucking soap. But I know he isn't lying. I know my dad is capable of something like this.

"We did," Carla says when she sees that Ray is not able to answer for a moment because he is downing the last of his wine, "we needed your full attention on getting better. We told you that, and that wasn't a lie. I didn't know about what your dad had done until after he spoke to Carrick."

"I fully intended to get into contact with Christian after you made progress in the care hotel, but I couldn't tell you that and give you hope, Ana and I couldn't tell you what Carrick Grey said about you."

"This is crazy," Ana is still holding me down, but I feel like I'm suffocating. I need to get some air. I need to speak to my dad.

"I'm sorry," Ray mumbles, looking directly at me. He isn't apologizing for what he did though. He feels sorry for me, for having a father that pays good money so that his son is almost drowning in misery.

Before I know what I'm doing, I have jumped from the couch. I feel Ana's arms try to stop me from walking away, but I don't let her stop me. I need to blow off steam. I can't deal with what I'm feeling right now.

"Christian, please don't leave," I hear her behind me. She is following me and right now it only pisses me off more.

"Bobby!" I bark while I grab his leash from the hook next to the front door. Bobby immediately comes running to me as if he knows that now is not the time to fuck around.

Again I feel Ana's hands on my arm, trying to pull me towards her but I yank myself out of her grip. "Not now, Ana."

"But Christian, you can't leave like this. Talk to me," she is crying now and I hate it. But I hate my dad more and I need to make sure I won't do anything stupid because of that hate.

"Christian," her soft, broken voice begs again.

"I can't, Ana," I growl while I put the leash on Bobby's collar. He is aware of my mood because he stands still and doesn't even try to be excited like he normally does when we go for a walk.

"Stay," she tries again, really pushing me.

"Fuck, I said no," I bark, making her eyes widen. "Just let me the fuck go. I need some Goddamn space. Why the fucking hell don't you understand that?"

I never thought that I would talk to Ana like this, but I proved myself wrong. She needs to listen to me.

Her face is pale as she stands still, her eyes red and cheeks wet with tears. She looks shocked, a little scared and above all hurt, but I can't seem to care right now. I just need space.

I turn around and open the door before pulling Bobby along with me. It is already starting to get dark, and the cool air on my heated face is very welcomed. I need this.

Without looking back, I run off the porch with Bobby right behind me, leaving a broken Ana standing in the door opening. But right now nothing seems to matter. Not even the woman I'm madly in love with. I don't care about anything, except that one thing. That burning question that I have asked myself so many times.

Why the hell does my dad hate me this much?


	50. Chapter 50

**A/N: This one was really necessary, and I think it's very intimate and sweet. The next chapter is the big one where Christian and Carrick will have the talk that everyone is waiting for. Thank you all so much for the amazing reviews, I feel honored! X Milou.**

Chapter 50: I feel it too, the same as you.

My chest is burning as well as my eyes, my feet are killing me and my legs are beginning to protest. Bobby is a few feet behind me, barely keeping up with me which isn't a surprise since I've been running for over an hour but I can't seem to stop. What the hell am I going to do when I stop?

I thought that running would help to clear my mind and let everything sink in. I had hope that the anger would slowly wind down and that I would be able to think about my next step carefully, but I was wrong.

The anger keeps building up the more I think about what he did and nothing seems to help. I can only keep running to stop myself from driving to Portland and beat the living shit out of him. I don't even care about his motives right now. I want him to feel the pain I've felt all those years I was without Ana.

Bobby is starting to protest behind me and it forces me to slow my tempo. The moment I slow down, I feel the sharp pain in my chest getting worse and it's forcing me to get back to walking instantly. I welcome the pain and for a moment just focus on it, so I don't have to think about all the other shit.

I spot a tree and decide that it is time to stop for a moment. I walk over and lower myself onto the damp grass. Bobby immediately lays next to me, completely out of breath as well. He doesn't lay too close which probably means he isn't happy with me right now.

For a moment I just stare into space in front of me. Five days ago, everything was normal. Not great, but I had learned to live in a way that was bearable. And then suddenly everything changes. Ana back in my life, the euphoric feeling of finally being with the woman I've missed so much, the unexpected reaction of our parents when we told them we'd found each other, fucking Leila and now this shit.

I don't know how long I'm sitting under the tree, but eventually, I'm starting to get cold. For a moment I debate on what to do. I don't want to go home yet since Ana's parents are probably still there. I don't have the energy to talk to them right now. So, without overthinking it, I walk to the one other house that feels like home.

Ten minutes later, I arrive and I don't bother checking the time when I push the doorbell repeatedly. It must be late though since Kate opens the door with a pissed off look on her face.

"Fuck sakes, Christian. It's past ten, Ava is asleep and she has school tomorrow."

The moment she sees my expression, her face softens. She has known me long enough to know that something is wrong. Without asking, she pulls me by my arm and into the house.

"I'll get you a drink," she mumbles as she takes Bobby's leash and unfastens it before she walks to the kitchen.

I take off my shoes and follow her, all the while looking at the ground. I'm not even sure what I want to do here, I feel fucking lost and I hate it.

"Hi man, what's up?" Elliot asks surprised the moment I step into the kitchen. He is sitting at the bar and he is drinking a beer. Kate, who is standing next to him now, gives him an elbow discretely before she nods my way.

"I need a drink," I say as I take a seat at the breakfast bar as well. My voice still doesn't sound normal, it's rushed and raspy. My throat feels sore as well. I really need that fucking drink.

Without asking, Kate places a cold beer in front of me before taking a seat next to me. "Want to tell us why it was necessary to ring the bell that many times?"

I didn't even notice I rang it that much and it proves how this shit is fucking with my head.

"I found something out and it's fucking with my head," I growl before taking a huge swing of the cold beer. It instantly soothes my sore throat and it feels amazing.

Kate and Elliot look at me, Kate looks worried while Elliot just looks curious. When I don't say anything else, Kate is the first one to speak. She isn't known for her patience.

"Jesus, Christian. What did you find out?"

"It's about dad," I start, not even knowing where to begin.

While I think about how to explain everything, a very unwelcoming thought suddenly pops up into my head. What if they already know about this? What if dad told everybody? Call me paranoid, but I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore.

"Yo, Chris, what the hell is going on?" Elliot now asks, a worried expression on his face as well.

"You don't know?" I raise my eyebrow while carefully studying his reaction. He immediately looks at me confused which tells me he doesn't know. Of course, he doesn't. Out of all the people in the world, Elliot and Kate are the two I trust most.

"What the fuck is going on?" Elliot replies.

"Sorry," I sign, "I'm being paranoid. Ana's parents came over tonight because they needed to tell us something. Turns out that dad was the one who made sure Ana and I couldn't be together."

The confused expression on their faces only gets heavier. "Why? And how?" Elliot asks, his question full of disbelieve and disgust.

I sign and think about where to start. If I tell them this, I need to tell them about what Ana did to herself and I am hesitant about that. I've told them that Ana took intensive therapy after Leila's bullying the night we had dinner with Tang, but that's it. I kind of feel like this is Ana's story to tell.

Ana. I'm sitting here, nursing a beer after being out for almost two hours while Ana also heard everything for the first time. And to make it even worse, I shouted at her right before I left without telling her anything about was I was going.

"Fuck," I curse, making Kate jump. "I need to go."

"Christian! Why are you acting this weird? Your not yourself," Kate says as she grabs both of my arms, preventing me from walking out of the door.

"I'll explain later. Sorry, I marched in like this but I need to go home," I give Kate a brief hug before I move her hands from my arms. Then I give Elliot a wave as I walk out of the kitchen.

Kate and Elliot look even more confused than before, but that's not important right now. Ana is. And I fucking hope that she is still at my house when I get back.

Since Bobby had some time to rest, we can run down the street and within five minutes we have reached my house. I immediately notice that the car of Ana's parents is gone and all I can do is hope and pray that Ana didn't leave with them.

When I open the door, I notice that all the lights are off and for a moment I'm convinced that she did leave with her parents. I'm such an idiot. I've walked away from her twice in just four days, she is right to let me drown in my fucked up misery.

Bobby doesn't look back as he wobbles to the living room and lies down next to the fireplace. Even he is annoyed with me and I'm pretty sure it will take a few days before he goes on a walk with me willingly again.

I walk to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water before I move to the bedroom and to my surprise, I see that the door is opened slightly and shows a stream of soft light. She is here. She didn't leave.

When I open the door, I find Ana curled up on my side of the bed, face towards the door and I instantly feel more relaxed. She has her eyes closed, her cheeks are red and she seems to be asleep. Her breathing is steady but now and then she lets out a soft sob and it breaks my heart. She cried herself to sleep.

For a moment I take her in, feeling unsure of what to do. I could let her sleep and just climb in next to her, but it doesn't feel right to do that. It will probably make her even angrier when she finds me sound asleep next to her tomorrow morning. I need to let her know that I'm back.

I walk over to the bed as silent as I can, and kneel next to it so I'm face to face with Ana. She has the sheet wrapped around her and all I can see is her face. It reminds me of when I found her just like this after I had a shower, but I doubt it will end the same as it did that night.

My hand moves to her cheek slowly and the moment it makes contact, Ana flinches and opens her eyes wide while a shock goes through her body. In a reflex, she slaps my hand away from her cheek.

"Where the hell have you been?!" Her voice is hoarse but I can still hear the anger behind it.

"I'm sorry, I needed space and you-"

"You needed space so you ran off without telling me where you were going while taking Bobby with you and leaving me alone with my parents after I've just received the same shocking information like you," she spits, her eyes dark and her expression cold.

She is furious and I have no idea how to react to a furious Ana.

"I just needed to clear my head," I try to explain again, even though it sounds like a lame excuse.

"Oh, sure," she nods and moves up a little, "no problem then. Are you cleared? Can you think properly again? Let's go to sleep then and pretend that everything is back to normal, asshole."

What the hell? She is always so careful about the words she uses, but now she can call me names without even hesitating. I know I deserve it but still, it hurts.

"I didn't mean it like that, Ana. I-" I start but I'm cut off yet again

"Did you even think for a second what it was like for me? Did you think about how it felt for me when I heard that my mom and dad used money to get me into a care hotel where I has to recover from something that I did partly because I missed you and that by doing that, they also agreed to keep me away from you while they knew where you were the whole fucking time? Did you even think about me at all while you were out there to clear your head?"

She is sitting on her knees on the bed now, towering over me while her dark eyes never leave mine. I want to tell her why I went away, but I know the explanation will never be enough to make up for what I did. She is right but before I can tell her just that, she beats me to it again.

"You didn't take your phone with you, you didn't tell me where you were going and you were so mad that I was scared you would hurt somebody. You can't leave every time it gets too much, Christian. If you want to be in a relationship, you need to get through things together. You can't run away like an eighteen-year-old whenever you feel like it and leave me behind. And you certainly can't take Bobby with you and leave me alone."

She is crying and I can tell that her hands are shaking due to the anger she feels. I know because I felt it just a few hours ago, only she feels it because of me now. I fucked up.

I want to take her in my arms and calm her down before we talk any further, but I know that she wouldn't let me. She will probably attack me if I come closer to her. She looks so mad.

"I'm sorry. You're right."

It's all I can say. I don't know how to explain what I felt or why I did it, but it felt right to do it hours ago.

"I was scared that you were going to Portland," she mumbles after a few minutes of silence. She sounds a little calmer, but I can still hear her quick breaths which tell me that she is just lowering her volume.

"I wanted to," I admit, "but it wouldn't have ended well if I did. I was too angry. Still am."

She nods her head and sits on the bed before crossing her legs. "Where were you then? I wanted to call Elliot and Kate, but I don't have their numbers and I couldn't get into your phone because of the code."

"I ran for an hour, then Bobby started to get tired and we sat under a tree for about thirty minutes I think. And then I went to Elliot and Kate before I realized that you needed me more," I tell her honestly. It sounds so wrong while I say it. It took me two fucking hours to realize something so simple.

She raises her eyebrow while her arms cross in front of her chest. "What did you tell them?"

"That my dad was the one who kept us apart. Nothing more. I didn't want to tell them about everything that happened to you, not without your permission." I look at my hands as I talk, avoiding eye contact with her.

When I do look up, her expression is unreadable and I have no idea what she is thinking. It's blank. Completely blank.

"You should've talked to me instead of them. I could've listened too, you know." Sadness takes the upper hand now, and I hate that I made her feel sad.

I nod my head to let her know once again that she is right. "I know. I'm just not used to not being alone anymore I guess."

"Well, you're not alone, Christian so you better get used to it quickly. There is no one in this world that knows how you feel better than I do because our story is the same. You need to remember that. I felt the same as you did when I heard what they did. Betrayal, anger, disappointment. I felt it all, just like you."

"You are right. There is nothing else I can say than that I'm sorry and that you're right. And wish I could tell you that it won't happen again, but I don't know if I can promise you that, Ana. I'm not used to feeling all these things. Everything is much more intense since I've got you back and I don't know how to handle it."

It's intense, but I've also never felt better and I should've told her that as well because now it sounds like something negative even though it isn't negative at all. It's just new.

"When you said that you need space, did you mean just now or do you need space in general? Because I can totally understand that if you do. Maybe we are moving too fast and it is better if we just keep our distance now and then," she is trying to sound supportive about this idea but she is failing. She doesn't want that space and neither do I.

I move onto the bed and sit as close to her as possible without touching her even though my hands are itching to feel her skin and hold her close. My eyes search hers and when they meet, they beg her not to look away.

"I just need you. I've had enough space," I try to pour everything I feel into the words so she will feel that I mean it. "I need your guidance and help with this whole thing, Ana. I don't know what to do."

For the first time since I heard what my dad did, I feel the emotions take over. For a moment, I only feel hurt. Tears threaten to fall as I ask myself again why my dad felt the need to do this to his own son. It doesn't make sense.

"Come here," Ana mumbles next to me before she climbs onto my lap and wraps her arms around my shoulders. This is us. We've always done this when one of us was upset. Ana on my lap, as close to me as possible. It is extremely intimate without even trying.

I bury my head in the crook of her neck while I let out all my emotions. Relief washes over me as the tears silently fall from my eyes. Only when nothing is left and relief takes the upper hand, I pull away from Ana to look at her. Her cheeks are wet and her eyes are red as well. We are a mess.

"Why does it have to be like this. Why is everybody reacting this negative and mean about us being together?" She has the guts to ask the question that I didn't want to ask. I didn't want to give a voice to that thought but after this evening, it's all I think about as well. I feel like this is fucking Romeo and Juliet.

"I don't know baby, but I promise you I will find out."

He owes me an answer, and when I have that answer, he'll never have to worry about me again.

She strokes my cheek, wiping away the wetness as she does. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to my dad, tomorrow," I tell her. I'm determined to find out why he did it, and I will not wait with confronting him. He's had enough time.

Ana nods her head, her expression open but nervous.

"I won't let it get out of hand," I promise her. I think she is afraid I will hurt him and I need her to know that I'll keep myself in check. If he does the same, that is.

She is hesitant for a moment, clearly overthinking her next question carefully before she lets it out. "Do you want me to come with you?"

If this was any other situation, I would've told her yes instantly. I would've probably told her to come with me before she even had time to ask but in this situation, I don't know if it's a good idea.

"I want you to come with me but I also feel like this is something that has been building between my dad and me since before you. As long as I can remember really. I need to talk to him one on one," I grab both of her hands and squeeze them reassuringly to let her know it doesn't have anything to do with her.

"I understand," the small nod she gives me somehow lets me know that she really does understand and that she doesn't feel bad about it.

We sit in silence for a couple of minutes, Ana still on my lap and our hands folded as one. My forehead is touching hers and our breathing completely synchronic. She truly heals me.

"What did you do when I left?'' I ask her once I realize she didn't tell me what happened between her and her parents.

"When I came back into the living room, I found mom and dad on the couch. Dad held mom while she cried softly. She looked broken while my dad looked desperate. I didn't know what to say to them, so I told them that and also said that I needed time to let everything sink in. They understood. I asked them to leave and they agreed. Before they left, they both gave me a tight hug and apologized again," she says and takes a deep breath afterward.

"I can't figure out what weights heavier; the fact that they lied to me and took money from someone in exchange for something that would define my life or all the good things they did for me, before and after you."

I understand what she is saying, how difficult this is for her. Her situation in this is different than mine. My dad never was there, while her parents were always there.

"You know, Ana, your dad did what he thought was best in order to help you. Don't get me wrong, I still think he is an asshole for not telling you or even me when he had the change, but my dad is the biggest asshole in this. He had the guts to humiliate your dad by offering him money in the first place. I'm actually surprised that he tried to get us together, it shows that he doesn't hate me that much after all, and I'm kind of pleased with that since there will come a moment I have to ask him for your hand in marriage," I try to lighten the mood and make her smile because it is what I need right now. I need her smile. It gives me hope.

"We are surrounded by assholes, aren't we?" She frowns, a small smile almost taking over.

I nod my head and kiss her forehead. "We are, but don't worry, I can be an asshole too if I have to be. I'll protect you and what we have with my life, Ana. I'm never losing you again. Never."

"I know," she nods, "but you have to stop being an asshole to me."

I let out a small laugh, yet again amazed by how good she can make me feel even though everything seems dark. She is my light and she has no idea how badly I need that light.

"I'll try. I promise." I kiss her lips softly to give my promise strength. Thankfully, her lips return my kiss.

"My head feels heavy," she says after a short, sweet kiss, "let's sleep."

I nod my head and let her get off of me to lie down on the bed before I walk to the bathroom to freshen up real quick. When I return a few minutes later, Ana is still laying on my side of the bed, so I get in on her side where her pillow holds her scent.

I move my arm around her instantly and pull her against me so that I feel her whole body against mine. Now that I'm lying down, I suddenly feel a headache. The sharp pain moves through my head on the rhythm of my heartbeat, and it makes me realize how exhausted being emotional actually is.

"I was scared that you left with your parents," I tell her after a few minutes of just lying next to her.

She wiggles against me a few times to find her perfect position before she speaks, "I've thought about leaving with them for a very brief moment, but it didn't feel right. I belong here, with you."

Relief washes over me as I hear her speak. She belongs here, with me. I've known that from the moment I've built this house but hearing her say it makes me feel less crazy for having that thought.

"You do, baby," I say and kiss her head, "you belong right here. And I'm happy that that thought convinced you to stay."

My arms wrap around her tighter. What I feel for her is something unique, and I will not let anyone ruin that. We deserve this and after everything we've been through, we just need a little peace to enjoy each other without any shit trying to get between us.

"I love you, Ana and I will never leave you. They won't succeed. What we have is too special and I mean it when I say that I'll guard it with my life. I'll make it better, baby. I promise."

I feel her nod but she doesn't respond and I'm okay with that for now. She needs time to think over everything and as long as she does that here while lying in my arms, I'm content just like this.

Me and Ana, broken alone but whole together. And apparently against everyone else.

Fuck everyone else.


	51. Chapter 51

**A/N: Okay, I feel extremely well today, so another one. This chapter will probably shock you, but I think that some of you secretly thought of this possibility already. I think that when you think about it, everything makes sense after reading this. I'm dying to know what you all think, so I'm not keeping you any longer. Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a hell of a ride. X Milou.**

Chapter 51: Another shade of Grey.

I've been sitting in my car, that I've parked next to the road for the last fifteen minutes, staring out of the window to the green fields to my right. It's just five minutes from my parent's house, but I can't seem to drive over there. I feel too tensed.

I've left Ana in my bed three hours ago and fuck it if that wasn't one of the hardest things I had to do in a long time. I just wanted to crawl back next to her and bury myself inside of her while not thinking of anything else. She called in sick and is planning on watching tv and keeping Bobby company until I come back from Portland. Judging my postponed behavior, it will take a while before I'm back in Bellevue.

I can't seem to make a plan on how to confront my dad with what I know. I had hoped that a night sleep and the ride to here would help me with that, but no such luck. The anger is still there, not even faded a little bit and the only thing that seems right is to punch him in the face the moment he opens the door.

I know I should just go and see what happens. I should just let everything happen, without using too much violence, but I know that talking won't help. It never has helped. Talking with dad usually ends up in a discussion, followed by one of us walking away because we can barely keep the anger in check.

My dad is one of those guys that only see things in one certain way. According to him, the right way. And everything that deviates from that way, is the wrong way. And I happen to takes side roads a lot which is fuel to his anger.

There is one other thing that I'm not looking forward to. My mom's reaction. I just know it will break her heart when she hears what dad has done, and I can't bear that. She has always tried to make something of her life, without her husband alongside her. She has been the best mom I could ever have, and she does not deserve this.

But it needs to be done. He doesn't deserve to get away with this. He has gotten away with every fucked up thing he did during my life, but not this time. It's time to pull myself together.

So, that's exactly what I do. I collect all my courage and start driving the last five minutes to the house I grew up in. Of course, the five minutes feel like one, and before I know it I'm driving onto the porch. I have called mom to let her know I was coming over, and I asked her to inform dad as well. I couldn't talk to him over the phone, I would have gone crazy.

When I've parked my car, I send Ana a quick text that I have arrived and that I'll call her as soon as I'm done. She was nervous this morning and I could tell that she found it difficult to stay at home. She would've probably waited in the car just to be close to me and even though it's something that I would've loved as well, I know that this is my own confrontation. Just dad and I.

*Stay calm and be careful. I love you and Bobby and I are patiently waiting for you to come home. Stay calm, Christian. X*

Her fast reply to my text makes me smile. I picture her sitting on the couch, with Bobby at her feet and her mobile in her hand, anxiously waiting for my text that tells her I'm okay. I can't wait to get home.

As I step out of the car, my mom opens the front door with a small smile on her face and I can instantly tell that she is worried. Of course, she is. I never call to tell her I need to talk to them, so she must know something is wrong.

When I'm within reach, she pulls me in a hug before pulling back to have a good look at me, as if she is searching for answers.

"Are you okay? Is it something bad?" Her voice matches her concerned gaze and I wish I could tell her it isn't bad. Fuck, I hate him for doing this.

"Is dad home?" I nod to the house, not answering her question which confuses her even more but she doesn't ask again. She just nods her head.

"He is. We were waiting for you in the living room."

She grabs my hand and leads me into the house. A smell of baked bread welcomes me and for a moment it takes me back eighteen years ago, to a Sunday brunch with the whole family, when everything was simple. When my grandparents were still around to fill the emptiness my dad created.

When mom and I walk into the living room, I find my dad sitting in his favorite chair. He is holding his phone in one hand, and his coffee in the other. He looks deep in thought, a serious expression forms his face. He doesn't look pleased with what he is reading at all.

"Carrick, Christian is here," mom says.

He doesn't even look up from his phone, he just nods his head in a way of greeting me while he stays focused on his phone. It doesn't surprise me at all, he was never interested in me. Not even when it mattered.

"Do you want some coffee, honey?" Mom asks me. She sounds disappointed and I know it is because of dad's lack of interest. She must feel lonely while living with a man like this.

I nod my head and give her a small smile. "Please."

Mom walks away to the kitchen immediately, leaving me and dad alone. As I look at him, I feel the anger boiling inside me. He still doesn't look up, he only curses when he reads something he obviously doesn't like. Arrogant asshole.

Thankfully, mom doesn't take long and just a minute later she returns with my coffee. I take a seat across from dad on the couch, so I can't miss anything. I want to see his reaction.

"So," mom begins as she sits next to me, "what's going on?"

I take a sip of my hot coffee before I straighten my back and look and my dad. He has looked up from his phone now and is looking at me with an unreadable expression on his face. Annoyance? Boredom? I'm not sure, but it isn't positive.

"I found something out," I begin, my voice immediately dipped in anger, "and I want an explanation."

Dad raises his eyebrow, his eyes never leaving mine as he looks at me. He isn't impressed and I can tell he doesn't really care what I have to say. He just wants this to be quick. Story of my life right there, never time to properly listen.

"This sounds serious?" I feel mom her hand on my back, but I keep my focus on dad and just nod my head.

"It is. I spoke to Ana's parents yesterday. You know what they said?" I look at my dad, daring him to lie to me. If he tells me he doesn't have any idea, I will attack him. I know I will, I feel it.

He seems to notice where this conversation is going, because he straightens his back and lies his phone on the table in front of him, giving me his full attention now.

"Grace, can you give Christian and me some privacy?" He asks my mom, his eyes still focussed on me. He's got some nerve.

"No, she stays," I bark which surprises him and my mom.

He knows that I'm not fucking around, I can tell by the way he looks from mom to me and after a few seconds, he nods his head in defeat.

"Very well," he mumbles, his eyes calm yet a hint of fear comes through.

"What is going on? How bad is it? And why can't I know about it?"

Mom is confused as hell and I don't blame her. Knowing that it will be even worse when I'm done, I decide to tell her now since I don't see dad explaining it to her any time soon.

"Ray Steele told me that he tried to find me ten years ago, after Italy because he saw how much his daughter missed me. And he succeeded. He got into contact with dad," I say as I keep my eyes on him, "do you want to tell your wife what you said when he called you?"

Nothing. He doesn't move, he doesn't speak. He just dares me to continue. He is trying to intimidate me with his look, but for the first time, I don't feel intimidated at all. I only feel more furious.

"What? What did you say, Carrick? Why is Christian this mad and why don't I know about Ray Steele calling you?"

I feel bad for mom. I hate that I need to do this to her, but I don't have a choice. I need answers, so I continue.

"He didn't want anything to do with them and made that very clear even though it wasn't his decision to make. He first told Ray about my reputation with girls but when that didn't scare him away, he pulled out the big guns."

Dad's hands are gripping the armrests of the chair and he is willing me to shut up now, but I don't stop. Not this time.

"He offended Ray and Ana by saying that Ana wasn't good enough for people like us," I say in disgust, "that she was just a daughter of a hairdresser and with that not someone he wanted next to his son who was set to take over his precious business."

"Carrick!" Mom gasps next to me. Her hand has grabbed my arm and I feel her nails digging into my sleeved covered skin. Her eyes are wide and she acts as if she'd never thought her husband would do something like this.

"It gets worse mom," I tell her while my hand finds hers to let her know I'm here. "When Ray Steele wasn't impressed or intimidated by the big Carrick Grey, he humiliated him by offering him good money to and I quote; 'stop the charade' while the only thing Ray tried to do was help his daughter."

Silence fills the living room as mom lets everything sink in. Opposite of me, dad looks at me as if he wants to kill me. It is a look that I haven't received from him before but I don't care. I have never felt more distance between us then I do now, and we were never close. He has ruined it.

"Of course, Ray didn't give in and he-"

"That's where you're wrong, son," dad suddenly interrupts with a satisfied smirk on his face. I want to wipe that smirk off badly. "He did give in."

Unbelievable. He is sitting there with a triumphant attitude as if I should be shocked by this information. Fucking arrogant asshole.

"You're right, he did," I nod, giving him a few seconds longer to enjoy this before I drag him down, "he gave in."

"You gave him money because you didn't want his daughter to be with our son?" Mom asks in disbelief which surprises me, to be honest. She should know her husband by now.

I don't let him answer mom's question. Instead, I expose what happened next.

"He gave in, two days later. He didn't give in because he was scared of you or because he wanted the money. He gave in because of the love of my life and his daughter attempt to kill herself that day. She slit her wrist, partly because she missed me so much, and was brought to the hospital just in time. He took your money because she needed to go to a care hotel where she could get intensive help to overcome her suicidal thoughts. You gave him that money and asked for silence in return. He couldn't contact me, even though his daughter needed me and by doing that, you made my life a living hell."

Somewhere during my speech, I got off the couch and I find myself standing right in front of dad, bent so I can look him in his eyes. For once, he is the one who feels intimidated now and he should. My hands are dying to get to him.

"Carrick, is this true?" Mom's soft voice asks from behind me.

While his eyes never leave mine, dad stands from the couch, forcing me to take a few steps back. "It is."

No shame. No sorrow. No emotion. No explanation. Nothing. Empty and cold.

I turn to look at mom and see her pale face and red eyes. She is almost crying and I once again feel bad. She doesn't deserve this. Her wet eyes stare at her husband, searching for something that she obviously can't find.

"How could you?" She breathes after moments.

"Cut the emotional shit, Grace. I did what I had to do. We both know that she wouldn't fit in. People like us don't intervene with people like them."

The way he talks to my mother and about Ana only multiplies the anger I feel and before I know what I'm doing, I launch forward to give him a strong push, making him fall back onto the couch while he is holding his chest in shock with wide eyes. For a moment I can't seem to stop and my fist makes contact with his cheeks right after he fell, making him curse.

"Don't talk to her like that," I growl, not even trying to hold back anymore. It's on.

I grab the collar of his perfect ironed dress shirt next and pull him closer to my face. "Tell me why you did it. What is it about me that disgusts you this much?" I ask through gritted teeth.

The looks he gives me is as meaningless as it can be and it once again shows me that he doesn't give a shit about me.

"You and that Ana were a summer romance and it should've stayed just that. Outside of the fact that you only fucked around back home and wouldn't have been able to keep it in your pants, Ana and her parents weren't the types of people we socialize with. You were set to do great things before you ruined it, and she would've just slowed you down."

His whole talk doesn't give me any explanation at all. Its just bullshit. Bullshit about what he thought of Ana. Fucking idiot.

"Why the hell would you even think that? She was polite, sweet and her parents were decent people," I shout. I can't wrap my head around this.

"Her mother was a hairdresser and her dad worked in the military. The way they talked, told me enough. Her mother seemed like a child herself, all giggly and clingy. And her dad thought he was all that while he hardly could pay the bill at the end of the night. I could instantly tell that they didn't give their daughter any restrictions or rules, she could do whatever the hell she wanted. And I have proof of that since I know that she stayed with you the night before she left. What father allows his underaged daughter to sleep with a guy that she knows for less than two weeks? Trash, I'm telling you. They didn't have expectations of her, and since her mom was just a hairdresser, that didn't surprise me at all. They weren't teaching her discipline, they were her friends instead of her parents and I wouldn't let her ruin everything we'd worked so hard for."

He is insane. Delusional. Superficial as fuck.

"Carrick, please tell me this is a sick joke," mom demands, even though she knows he means it. This is who Carrick Grey is.

I want to tell him that his plan didn't even work because Ana and I ended up together anyway. I want to laugh at him for praising his own parenting art while in the end, I dropped out and started working in construction for a minimum wage. I want to humiliate him by telling him what a lousy father he was because he was never around. But instead, I say the one thing that leaves my mouth without thinking.

"I'm fucking ashamed to be your son."

I hear my mother gasp while my dad just looks at me, not impressed at all. You would think it hurts to hear your son say something like that.

"Good thing you're not really mine then," he bites back and everything around me stops. Everything is silent as I watch him in disbelief.

What the fuck? Is this some sick joke? Is this way of telling me he hates me?

"Carrick!" Mom once again yells. When I look at her I see she is almost hysterical which tells me that this is not a joke at all.

"What?" I manage to get out. I feel as if I just got knocked down. When does this shit finally stop?

For the first time since I've walked through the door, I see the emotion on dad's face. He suddenly looks horrified, as if he knows he made a huge mistake by saying that last sentence. Mom is sitting on the couch with her face hidden in her hands while she softly sobs. And I'm still standing in the middle of it all, unable to move.

"Christian, I..." Dad tries to get something out, but he fails. Nothing he will say erases what he said and he knows it.

I'm not his.

"Explain," is all I can get out, "explain, now."

I manage to keep everything I'm feeling inside and sit on the couch, as far away from mom as possible. I can't be close to them because I will lose it then.

After minutes of silence in which both of them stare at the ground, mom is the first one that speaks, her voice shaky and raspy.

"When your dad and I got married, we wanted to start a family as soon as possible. We were young and in love and like any other couple we wanted to seal that love even more than we already did. We tried and tried for two years but we didn't conceive. As a doctor, I knew that there was a possibility that something wasn't right, so your dad and I went to the hospital to see if there was something wrong."

Her voice is surprisingly steady as she speaks as if she is relieved that she can finally let it out. Dad is still looking at his feet, his hands folded as if he is praying. He hasn't looked at mom once and looks ashamed.

"It turned out that something wasn't right indeed. While I was healthy, Carrick's results came out unsure. After more tests, they told us that he was infertile and that he would never be able to conceive a child."

"After the shock winded down, we started looking at other options since we both agreed that our wish to become parents was still there. After over thinking every option carefully, we decided that we wanted help from an anonymous donor. That way, Carrick would be the father completely, just not biological."

"Everything went according to plan and I was pregnant after the first try. Nine months later Elliot was born and two years after that, we were blessed with you. Two healthy boys, we couldn't be happier."

I'm trying to process everything that she is saying, but my mind can't seem to cope. Lie after lie after lie. It's all I can think about.

"And Mia?" I surprise myself by asking.

"Mia was a surprise, a miracle if you wish. We found out I was pregnant after four and a half months. The doctors were surprised as well."

Everything suddenly starts to make sense. Dad's behavior toward Elliot and me. Mia always being his favorite. The distance he always kept and the high expectations he had from us while Mia could just fuck around. He never loved us like his own.

I feel sick. I thought I was expecting the worst when I came here. I held every scenario open but nothing could have prepared me for this. He never loved us like we were his. It all makes sense.

"Does Elliot know?" I ask but I already know the answer. He doesn't know. He would've told me.

"Of course not," dad snaps as if it's a ridiculous question, "nobody knows. You two are mine on paper."

I have a million questions but I can't seem to give them a voice right now. I need to give this information a place first. I need to talk to Elliot and Mia. They need to know too.

"You were never supposed to find out," dad says after a few moments.

A humorless chuckle leaves my body. "Well, you did a good job with that." I shake my head and move my hands through my hair. "I need to go."

I can't stay here any longer. I know we need to talk further, but I can't right now. I have no idea how to respond or even what to ask. My first thought is that Elliot should know this, as soon as possible. After that, we can talk and think this over together.

"Are you going to talk to your brother?" Mom surprises me by asking.

"Yeah," is my short answer. I'm not keeping their secret. It's out now.

She nods her head. I know she understands that I can't keep it from him. This is something that will change our lives on so many levels. He has the right to know. I know it will make sense to him as well.

"Will you give us a chance to explain everything properly, Christian? When you are ready?"

Mom's eyes are begging me for the chance. She is afraid. And all the while, her husband doesn't even reach for her. He stays right where he is, on the chair, head down. Fucking pussy.

"I'll call you," I tell her before standing from the couch. I don't promise her anything. I can't.

She nods her head again before standing from the couch as well. "Carrick?" She asks, obviously referring to the fact that I'm leaving and asking him if he is going to say anything.

He doesn't though. He stays where he is and doesn't even move his head up to acknowledge that I'm leaving. Nothing.

I don't say anything as I walk away either. I feel mom following me to the door, and when I open it, she grabs my arm to keep me from walking out.

"I'm sorry you had to find out like this, Christian. I'm sorry for everything. Please know that I love you and your brother with my whole heart. Never doubt that." Her voice cracks as she speaks, but I don't have it in me to comfort her. Not now.

"I'll call you," I repeat before leaving the house that I once called my home and stepping into my car. I drive away without looking back, full gas.

After twenty minutes I turn down the radio that was blasting through the speakers and grab my phone to call Elliot. I tell him that I need to talk to him and Kate as soon as possible, and he agrees to come over after dinner. After I've hung up, I call Ana, who picks up after only two tones.

"Hi."

"Hi, baby," I say, instantly feeling more relaxed now that I hear her voice.

"How was it? Are you okay?"

"I'm on my way home. I'll tell you everything when I get there, okay?" I can't tell her now, it's too much. I need to hold her while I tell her. "I need you to do something for me, baby."

I can practically hear the wheels turning in her head, but she doesn't ask questions. Thank God for that. "Okay, what do you need?"

"I need you to call your work and ask them if you can take two weeks vacation, starting tomorrow."

For a moment she is silent, probably surprised by my sudden request.

''That's it?" She asks after a few moments.

"And I need you to grab a suitcase," I tell her, probably confusing her even more.

I can hear her breathing chance. "Christian, what's going on? You're scaring me."

"Just do it, baby. Trust me. I'll explain when I get back. I love you, you know that right?"

She thinks about it for a moment before I hear her say those three words that I need to hear so bad. "I love you."

"See you in two hours," I tell her before saying goodbye, hanging up the phone and hitting the gas.

I'll talk to Elliot and Kate, and after that, I'm getting the hell out of here. Just Ana and me, together and far away from all the shit that keeps facing us. We need time, proper time, together.

I need to focus on her, and on nothing else but her. And when we come back, we'll both be strong enough to face everything. But right now, I just need her. Nothing else. Just Ana.


	52. Chapter 52

**A/N: Sorry for the lack of updating. I had two sick kids at home, and that is kind of something but here we are with the next update! Let's see how Elliot reacts, shall we? Thank you for all the reviews! So happy with them. Enjoy! X Milou.**

Chapter 52: Bro.

"What?!"

Elliot's expression is blank as he looks at Christian. He doesn't move or blink, he just stares at Christian with his mouth slightly open.

"Yeah," Christian mumbles, obviously still not completely over the shock himself.

When Christian came home after visiting his parents, I instantly saw that something bad had happened. He looked pale and absent, and the moment I was within his reach, he crashed against me. While he buried his head in my neck and wrapped his arms around me in a vice grip, he cried. And I let him. I tried to give him the comfort that he needed, even though I didn't know what had happened.

After minutes of hugging me, he pulled away and the look on his face almost broke my heart. He looked lost. Lost and broken.

We went inside and when we sat on the couch, he told me everything. From start to finish. And I couldn't believe my ears. It was as if I was dragged into a horrible drama movie, one you don't want to watch because you can't handle the pain that it will show.

I was shocked, sad and above all angry. I thought that Carrick's behavior was about me and in a way it was because he didn't find me good enough, but now that I realize it is so much deeper, I wish that it was only about me so that Christian wouldn't feel this betrayed. So that he still felt like he knew who he was.

After he told me everything, he asked if it was okay if he went for a run, and I was happy about that. I've learned that he likes to run to process things and give his feelings a place, and I was happy that he spoke to me first before he went away. It showed me that he is really listening to me.

So, I let him and Bobby go while I made lunch. And when Christian came back thirty minutes later, we ate and talked a little more. I let him talk about what he felt in hopes it would help.

We had a long bath after that, and then we just cuddled on the couch while we watched stupid movies. Christian didn't want to talk about it much after lunch because he knew that he would have to tell the whole story again when Elliot and Kate would come over.

And now, we are sitting in the living room and Christian has just told Elliot everything. Everything from why I went to Kirkland to what his dad had done and the shocking news he heard just this morning. And Elliot doesn't respond, at all.

In fact, he looks completely zoned out. He is holding Kate's hand because she took his sometime during Christian's story, but he doesn't even blink or react. It is actually starting to concern me.

"Baby?" Kate tries to get his attention, her voice unsteady. "Are you okay?"

For a moment I think he doesn't even hear Kate but then he shocks all three of us by jumping up and grabbing the first glass he can reach from the table before throwing it against the wall to his right.

"Fucking asshole," he screams before grabbing another glass to throw it away just as hard, now on the floor. "I'll kill him, Chris! I swear I kill him."

Kate and I are watching Elliot in shock. We both have no idea what to do or how to react, but thankfully Christian does. He jumps up and grabs Elliot to prevent him from crashing down the whole house.

"I'll fucking kill him. Our whole life we were wondering what the hell we did to him, only to find out we are not his kids? What the fuck?!" Elliot growls, still trying to get out of Christian's grip.

Christian holds him down with ease, not speaking while he wraps his arms around Elliots in a vice grip. This way, Elliot is not able to grab anything else to throw away.

"Easy, let's go outside for a minute," Christian says as he drags Elliot to the doors that lead to the garden.

When Christian and Elliot have made their way outside, I look at Kate who is still sitting on the couch, shocked.

"Are you okay?" I move over to sit next to her the moment I see the tears form in her eyes.

She barely shakes her head. "I have never seen Elliot act like this."

Out of instinct, I wrap my arm around her shoulder. "Christian will calm him down, don't worry. He just didn't expect this."

"Obviously," a humorless chuckle leaves her throat, "I knew their bond with Carrick was not as close as with their mom, and I've seen plenty during all those years but I never thought that he wasn't their biological father. I mean, it is just weird, isn't it?"

I nod my head in agreement, not knowing what to say to her. On one hand, I understand the choice of conceiving with help from a donor since their wish for a child was apparently that big but then hiding it while Carrick obviously did not treat them as his own is a whole different story.

"Oh God, and what he did to you and Christian," she suddenly says, obviously thinking about what Christian told them about us. "It must be horrible to go through that. I'm so sorry."

She is apologizing to me as if she had something to do with the whole thing and it tells me how much Kate actually cares about Christian. She truly seems like a sister to him and I'm happy he has her.

"We've both been through a hard time, yes. But we have found each other now and that's what matters."

I don't feel like focussing on what happened to Christian and me right now. The fact that Christian and Elliot just found out that their father isn't their real father, is something bigger and that needs the full attention for this moment.

Kate nods her head before we both look out the window and into the garden. Elliot seems to have calmed down a bit. He is sitting on the ground, back towards us with Christian next to him. Both are looking straight ahead, and since their faces are turned from us, I can't tell if they are talking or not.

"Elliot and Christian have always been close," Kate says after a couple of minutes, "at least since Elliot and I started dating."

"Before that as well," I respond. "Christian told me how it always was the two of them. How they always made sure to have a good time together and with their grandparents even though their dad was never around."

Kate nods her head, her eyes still not leaving the two brothers. "When Elliot and I found out I was pregnant, he completely freaked out even though we were trying for a baby. He suddenly was so scared that he would be like his own father. Emotionless, cold and not caring. Only when Ava was born and he held her for the first time, he believed that he could do it. But he couldn't enjoy my pregnancy at all, he was constantly doubting himself. It really broke my heart."

Before I can reply to her, her doors open and Christian and Elliot walk back in. Elliot's eyes are red and I can tell that he cried. Kate notices it too and immediately stands and walks over to him to hug him. Christian moves straight to me and pulls me up before he sits down again with me on his lap, arms wrapped tightly around me and his nose in my neck.

Silence. Nobody speaks. I feel Christian's lips on my neck while he inhales my scent, and all I can do is hold his arms to let him know that I'm here. I want to make him feel better and if this is what helps him, then I'll sit like this for as long as he needs me to.

"We fucking named our business after that fucking asshole," Elliot growls after minutes of silence.

Christian's face shoots up from my neck. "No, we named it after us. Don't go there, Ell."

It sounds as if Christian knows more to that subject than us because he is forceful in his response. It's almost as if he already thought about how the name Grey is suddenly meaning something different now.

"He has no idea what he did to us. Not to speak about mom. How she was always alone with us just because he couldn't handle the fact that we weren't his. Fuck, how did mom react when he said it?"

"She was shocked that he just blurted it out," Christian shrugs, his arms not leaving my waist. "But honestly Ell, she lied too. She saw how he treated us and she didn't do anything about it, even though she knew the reason for his distant behavior towards us."

"Fucking hell, what a damn disaster," Elliot mumbles, "why the fuck can't it ever go normal? Seriously, haven't we all been through enough?" He moves back from Kate and pulls his hair out of frustration.

I hear Christian sign behind me before he pushes me from his lap so he can stand. "You want a beer?"

"Yeah."

"Kate? Ana?" Christian asks.

"Water please," Kate answers before turning her attention back on Elliot.

I stand and walk over to Christian. "I'll help you."

I feel like Kate and Elliot could use a minute alone, and Christian also looks like he could use a minute. My thoughts are confirmed the moment we step into the kitchen and Christian crashes his lips on mine.

He is kissing me with desperation, his arms around me almost making it impossible for me to breath. His tongue moves dominant and strong against mine, not giving me any chance to pull away.

"Fuck, I need to get away from here and be with you all alone," he whispers against my lips, his hot breath giving me goosebumps.

He hasn't told me where he wants to take me, but I am going to pack my suitcase at home after Elliot and Kate have left. I called my work right after Christian hung up this morning, and I managed to get two weeks off. He needs this, and I need it too. We need to focus on us. We deserve that.

"How is Elliot?"

He shakes his head. "He's mad and obviously has questions. Right now, he is ready to change his name and cut all ties."

"And you?"

'I'm mad too. Beyond mad really. I'm surprised that I could keep myself this calm while talking about everything again. But I am realistic as well. For me, Grey is much more than just the name my dad gave me. As for cutting ties, I just don't know right now. I need time to think. I feel like I need to rediscover who I am now that I know he isn't my real father."

My hand finds his cheek on its own accord, stroking the stubble that is there. His eyes close for a moment, enjoying my touch. "Where do you want to go?" I ask him when he opens his eyes.

A small glimmer brightens his eyes as I ask the question. For a moment all the stress and all the shit seems to leave his body. "To the place where it all started," he smiles before he plants a kiss on my nose.

My eyes widen. Oh my God. "Italy?"

"Italy," he confirms, a small smirk on his face when he sees my reaction. "Just you, the sun and the sea. It's what I need right now. Desperately."

"But how?" How on earth did he plan this in just a few hours? And when do we leave? God, he wasn't kidding when he said he wanted to go away.

"I've booked us a flight when you were getting dressed. We leave tomorrow afternoon. I just need to go back there, with you. I don't want to think about all the fucked up things for a while." His anger flows back again and I can feel his arms tense under my hands.

I move my hands up and down his arms to make him a little less tense, but it doesn't seem to work. "Let's go back to Elliot and Kate. I can't wait to go back to Italy with you." I kiss him once before I grab Kate and me a drink and walking back to the living room with Christian right behind me.

I find Kate curled up on Elliot's lap. He is staring in front of him while Kate has buried her face in his neck. They are clearly still not over it and I completely understand.

I hand Kate her water while Christian gives Elliot his beer before we take a seat across from them.

"Listen, man," Elliot starts the moment we sit, "I need to talk to him and mom. I have so many questions right now, I can't even think properly and I'm sure you have the same problem. Are you coming with me tomorrow?"

I look at Christian, wondering what he is going to say. I understand that Elliot wants to go to his parents to talk, but I also understand why Christian doesn't. I think that it is the best idea to take some distance to overthink everything, for Christian anyway.

"I'm not going over there again," Christian growls. "At least not anytime soon. I can't. I need to think about everything before I say something I'll regret. I was actually going to ask you if you can manage work without me for two weeks?"

Elliot looks at Christian surprised for just a second before he nods his head. "Sure. You're going away?"

"Yeah, I'm taking Ana to Italy. I need to be with her for a while. We haven't had proper time, you know?"

"Of course you haven't. It's been madness. You should go and enjoy each other," Kate says before looking at Elliot. "Baby, maybe you should think everything over as well so that you don't make reckless decisions? And then when Christian is back, you can go talk to them together."

Elliot looks at Christian, who is slowly nodding his head to show he agrees with Kate. "We need to be the grown-ups here, man, because dad certainly won't be one. He acted like a child this morning. He didn't look at me, he just sat on his chair pouting, like he still didn't see his mistakes. If we go over there tomorrow, I just know it doesn't end well."

It amazes me how good Christian knows himself and his brother and I'm happy he is honest about it as well. The last thing we need right now is a fight.

"Do they know that I know?" Elliot seems to think it over a little bit more, I can tell him really wants to confront his parents but he seems more hesitant.

"Yeah," Christian says, "I would never hide something like this."

Elliot signs before standing from the couch, beer in his hand. "Fine. You're probably right. But we are going to Bellevue first thing when you are back."

"Deal," Christian agrees, relieved that he could convince his brother.

"God, Ana," Elliot then says while he turns to me, "I'm sorry that Carrick treated you like that last Sunday. And for what happened to you as well. We haven't even talked about that because of our fake ass father."

I can't help but giggle, Elliot's face while he says it just makes me laugh. It is probably the tension that is getting too much but thankfully I'm not the only one because Kate laughs as well.

"It's okay, we can talk about that another time. This is more important and has more effect on everyone."

I can't help but notice how Elliot calls him Carrick, while Christian still calls him dad. Elliot is obviously completely done with him.

"Fuck," Elliot suddenly curses, "what the fuck are we going to tell Ava? She adores the fucking dickhead."

Kate frowns and Christian seems to overthink it as well. I actually think that they shouldn't tell her anything, at least not until they know what they want to do but I don't tell them that because it isn't really my business.

"We'll figure it out," Kate says after moments, her hand rubbing Elliot's back as she stands next to him.

"We will," Christian agrees, "we always do."

* * *

Kate and Elliot stayed for a little longer, just talking about how Christian had found it out and they shared their thoughts on the whole thing again before they left.

Since it's almost midnight, I've decided to grab my suitcase tomorrow morning, before we go to the airport. Right now, I just want to lay in bed and sleep.

Christian is thinking the same because he is already in bed when I come out of the bathroom. His face is turned towards me and the moment I'm close to the bed, he holds the sheet up and opens his arms so I can cuddle against him.

When I've settled myself against his warm body, my face nuzzled in his chest, I ask him what he and Elliot talked about while they were outside.

As a response, Christian signs before he starts talking, his voice low. "I've never seen Elliot this angry. You know, I always thought that when he brought Kate home, dad changed his behavior towards him, but apparently, I was wrong. Elliot actually seems to hate him, even before he knew about him not being our father. We haven't talked about the reasons for his hate, because the anger overruled, but it shocked me to see how he talked about dad. I just know that after our talk with him, Elliot will never talk to him again and that might make it easier for me as well. But I'm also thinking about Mia. And what about mom? It's all just one fucking big mess."

He sounds exhausted. Who wouldn't be after a day like this?

"Just sleep, okay?" I kiss his chest a couple of times. "Tomorrow we'll fly away from here and maybe everything will be a little more clear when we get back. Try to stop thinking about it for now."

I feel him nod his head before he presses a kiss on the top of mine. "Thank you, Ana. For everything. It would've been hell to find this out without you."

For a moment I think about how he probably would never have found it out if I wasn't back in his life. He went over there to talk about our situation after all. Wouldn't that have been better? Now his whole family is broken, just because Christian got into a fight over me and his dad couldn't keep his secret during said fight.

"I promise I'll try not to think about it if you stop thinking about it as well," he whispers after a short silence. He is so good at reading me, sometimes it scares me.

"I promise," I mumble.

"Good. Let's sleep," he moves his fingers under my chin and lifts my head back so he can kiss me. "Tomorrow I'll take you back to the start."


	53. Chapter 53

**A/N: This one is a little shorter, but I needed it to be like that. You'll understand when you read the next one. Back to the start, and I think that calls for a celebration! Guess how Ana and Christian celebrate? ;) enjoy! X Milou.**

**PART III**

Chapter 53: 255

I'm tired, but the warm air I felt on my face the moment we stepped out of the airport, gave me an energy boost and took me back ten years ago. I instantly remembered every little thing about that vacation. I don't know why, but the smell and the warm weather just brought me back there. Back with Christian, this time.

After a long flight and waiting quite long for our luggage, we are now finally in the cab that will take us to the hotel Christian has booked for us. He hasn't told me which hotel it is, but I think he booked a room at the same resort. If he did, I'm sure every memory I have will be even more alive.

"You have an awfully big smile on your face, baby. Can I ask why?''

I look to my right and I'm met with Christian, who's smile is just as big. We look like two idiots I'm sure, both grinning while we just had a very long, tiring flight.

"I'm just thinking about where we are going," I smile as I feel my cheeks redden. I hope we really are going to the same resort, else Christin might think I don't like whatever else he has booked. By the chuckle that he lets out though, I think I am right.

"It was supposed to be a surprise," he clicks his tongue while he grabs my hand, "was it that obvious?"

I squeeze his hand one time and he immediately squeezes back. It makes me smile. "A little. But I hoped we would go to the same resort, so I'm very happy."

"Good," he smirks, "I thought it was fitting as well. I've spent the best vacation of my life there after all."

I lean over to give him a kiss, which he eagerly replies by grabbing my face in his hands. His sweet yet starved kisses really do it for me. I feel sweaty all over and it had nothing to do with the nice temperature outside.

"Olympic Champion Resort and Beach club," the taxi driver says after a few minutes, successfully putting a halt to our kiss.

"Yeah, thanks," Christian says as he pays the driver, "you can keep the rest."

The driver thanks us before he gets out and opens my door. Then he walks to the back of the car where he takes out our suitcases. The moment I step out of the car, I'm met with the same hotel I left behind ten years ago. Aside from a few plants and flowers and new letters on the hotel that spell the name, nothing has changed. I can still see Christian standing in front of the doors while I drive away to the airport. The thought gives me that familiar feeling in my throat. I felt horrible that day.

I feel two arms wrap around my waist at the same time I feel a kiss in my neck. "This time we'll leave together."

I nod my head and grab his hands that are meeting on my belly. "I know. I just saw the image of me driving away from you. It overwhelmed me for a second."

"It's okay, you'll probably going to have that a lot more during this vacation. I'm here, baby," he says before he gives me one more kiss on my cheek. Then he grabs our suitcases. "Let's check in. If we're fast, we can still take dive in the pool before dinner."

I follow him into the hotel and see that the lobby did change. The furniture is different, as well as the color of the walls and reception. As I wait with the suitcases, Christian goes to the reception to get us the key.

I take a moment to text Jose, Mandy, and my parents to let them know we've arrived safely. I called my mom before we left to tell her where we were going. She sounded genuinely happy for us that we went back and she thought it was a good idea to take some time off. We also talked a little about everything that happened, and I've told her that I would see them soon after we come back. I get why dad took the money, and even though it was wrong of him not to tell me about any of it, going to the care hotel really did help me get better.

José and Mandy were also happy that Christian and I were taking some alone time, and as good friends do, they helped me pack my suitcase. As a result, I'm not sure about fifty percent of the clothes they threw in there but it is the thought that counts, I guess.

Just as I'm finished with texting Mandy, Christian walks back with the key. He has a huge grin on his face and his eyes are twinkling. It is contagious and before I know it, I'm grinning as well even though I have no idea why.

"This is insane," he says the moment I can hear him.

"What?"

"Guess," he holds up the key he got as if that makes everything clear, but I still can't figure it out.

"They upgraded our room?" I try.

He shakes his head, "try again."

"We have the key to the restaurant so we can eat before it opens?" That one was a joke because I honestly don't know what it can be if they didn't upgrade us.

He shakes his head and chuckles, "no, baby. They gave me the key to room 255. Room 255 is the exact room I had when I met you ten years ago. It is THE room."

My eyes widen the moment I realize what that means. It's the room where everything happened. This is freaky.

"Must be meant to be then, right?" Christian's wink makes me giggle. I'm sure he is thinking about what happened in that room as well.

"Come on," he grabs the suitcases and walks to the elevators, "let's see if it's the same bed."

My cheeks turn red instantly even though I'm not even shocked by what he says. It was an easy one and I knew he was going to make a remark that referred to what we did that night.

We let the elevator take us to the second floor and when we step out and walk to room 255, I feel a weird kind of nerves taking over my body. I never thought that I would be here again, let alone with Christian. All the feelings that I felt when I walked out of that hotel room the day before I left, and everything I'm feeling now that I have Christian back again, they mix and it is overwhelming.

"Ready?" Christian asks when he is standing in front of the door, the key already in its lock. He is feeling a bit overwhelmed too, I can tell by the way he looks at me.

"Ready," I nod.

He opens the door and walks in immediately, me on his heels, both eager to see how it looks.

"Wow, it's like I've traveled back in time," I hear him mutter next to me, exactly saying what I am thinking.

It looks the same. Completely the same except for the furniture. Those are a little bit lighter but other than that, it looks completely the same. The bed stands on the same spot, as well as the cabinet. The curtains are open, showing the view on the sea and on the balcony stand two lounge chairs.

"The bathroom did change," Christian smirks as he walks out of the small room to the right. I didn't even notice him walking into it in the first place.

I smile and sit on the bed, taking everything in. This room has been on my mind so many times. When I thought about Christian, I thought about what happened in this room and now I'm here again. Not only in the same hotel, but in exactly the same room.

Christian sits on his knees in front of me so he can make eye contact with me. He looks at me intently for a few seconds, trying to read me. Then he frowns, "Are you happy?"

Silly man.

"I am. So happy," I smile, feeling my eyes tear up the moment I say it. I am happy. Truly happy and completely at ease.

A big smile breaks through his frowning expression. "Me too," he whispers before he crashes his lips on mine.

As we kiss, he climbs on top of me, his legs on either side of my hips as I lay down. His lips are getting more dominant with the second, his tongue is taking over the tempo and occasionally his teeth pull my lip, making me shiver. I know where this is going and the thought of doing it here is almost too much.

"I thought you wanted to go swimming?" I mumble against his mouth, my hands gripping his shirt in the meantime to make sure he doesn't move away from me.

I feel him push his hips down on me so I can feel him harden while his hands tangle in my hair to massage my scalp. His lips are still touching mine, nipping and sucking.

"I'm good right here, with you," his breath tickles my wet lips as he speaks, "you?"

His eyes find mine, his pupils wide, his eyes begging me to stay here with him. I can't believe he has to ask me. My body must tell him what I want, I know it does.

"I'm good here too," I whisper before sliding my tongue back into his mouth.

Christian responds with enthusiasm and soon we are sharing the most chaotic kiss we've ever had. Our tongues are all over the place while our hands are trying to come into contact with skin. If I would see it as an outsider, I would probably think it would be crazy. It doesn't make any sense, but it feels so good.

I try to pull off his shirt but since Christian refuses to stop kissing me for just a second, I can't slide the shirt over his head. I did manage to get him to move his arms out of the sleeves, so I can let my hands roam his chest, back, and arms.

"I love your body," I say the moment his lips leave mine. I feel my cheeks heat up as I feel his tongue move over my chin and onto my neck where it's working in circles over my pulse point.

Since he is still sitting on my hips, I'm unable to move and undress him further. Or undress me for that matter. And since I'm really hot, it starts to get necessary for me to remove some clothes as well.

"Christian," I moan to get his attention away from my neck. I'm sure my neck will be completely red after his assault, I can feel it burn already. His teeth go from left to right before he soothes with his lips and tongue, groaning when I pull his hair to make him stop.

"Fuck, I want to eat you. Set my teeth into you and mark you as mine," he growls when I've finally pulled him away from my neck.

"I can feel that," I giggle, way past the point of being shocked by what he actually tells me, "but please get me out off my clothes first, I'm way too hot."

I'm surprised by how easy the words leave my mouth. If I wasn't this turned on, I would've never said it but right now I can only think of my skin against his.

"What ten years can do. You suddenly dare to say a lot more," he chuckles before pulling his shirt over his head, revealing his muscled, hard chest. My hands move instantly to his skin again, tracing the rose tattoo. I really love that tattoo. God, he is so huge and hard, and all mine.

What ten years can do indeed.

"Want me to get you out of your clothes or do you want to keep staring?"

"Both." I am officially out of control. Not even a little bit shy anymore. "I want it all."

"That's my girl," he grins and then surprises me by jumping off of me and standing at my feet. Next thing I know, he grabs my ankles and yanks me to him, making me yelp and then giggle in the process.

His hands move to my jeans right after, opening it and pulling it down along with my panties. He wastes no time in pulling me up and dragging my shirt off so he can reach my bra which hits the floor right after my shirt. It's all happening in just seconds and it makes me dizzy and out of breath.

"Keep up with me, baby," he smirks while he reaches into his left jeans pocket to get out some condoms which he throws on the bed next to me. After that, he grabs my chin and looks at me expectantly, "stop staring and help me with my jeans."

My hands are shaking with anticipation as I open his jeans and pull down the zipper. I can feel his member fighting to get out and the moment I pull down his jeans, Christian lets out a relieved sigh.

I can see the outline of him, waiting for me to touch him and I move forward to kiss the little trail of hair that disappears into his boxers.

His hands find my hair, his fingers going over my scalp as I move my kisses down to the band of his underwear before slowly pulling it down so I can continue my kisses south.

His knees buckle when I almost reach him, his breathing shallow and his grip on my hair tight. "Ana, I can't handle that right now," he mumbles through gritted teeth. I'm happy to see that he feels the same as me.

I nod my head to let him know I understand, to let him know I agree. Then I kiss the tip of him just once before I reach over and grab a condom from the bed. His dark grey eyes are watching me intently, full of desire and burning with love.

"I never thought someone would look at me like that," I whisper, my voice suddenly full of emotion.

A sweet smile forms his lips as he grabs the condom from me, sensing that I am again overwhelmed. "I've looked at you like this from the start," he whispers, his eyes never leaving mine as he rolls the condom on, "and I will look at you like this for the rest my life."

"Promise?"

He nods his head and moves me up the bed so he can shield me with his body. I feel him at my entrance and when he slowly slides into me, his lips touch my ear to whisper, "forever, I promise."

The intensity of everything is causing tears to fall down my cheeks. I feel so cherished and loved, just like ten years ago only much more intense.

"I love you, Ana. So much," he whispers before pressing his mouth onto my neck while he slowly moves in and out of me. "So. Fucking. Much."

I don't respond. I can't. I can only feel. I only want to feel right now. The way he moves inside me, the way his hands move lovingly over my body and the way his mouth pleasures my neck, it's all I want to feel.

Where we started this session desperate and even a little rough, gentleness has taken over now. Our hands caress each other while we leave kisses on each other's skin. I'm surprised that even after this short amount of time, I seem to know exactly what Christian likes. I just know what to do to get that sexy moan or groan out of him and suddenly all I think about is hearing those things a lot.

It doesn't take long for me to feel that familiar tingle and right after that, my legs start to stiffen. My back arches while my arms grab his hair to make sure he doesn't stop his assault on my neck. I want him all over me, I need him to be all over me. I need to feel that this is real.

"You're so sexy like this. I love it when you pull my hair and squeeze me tight. Come on, baby, harder. Do it harder."

His words send me over the edge and I oblige his request at the same time. As a response, he throws his head back and lets out a moan that sounds so sexy it sends me into an even deeper and intenser orgasm.

I don't register him coming. I only feel him fall on top of me while his breathing is cold and fast on my skin and him pulsing inside of me. His hands start to stroke my scalp again, and I let mine go up and down his back.

Zen and in tune with each other.

I never want to leave this bed. I feel completely content and utterly in love here in Italy where it all started. Back in room 255.


	54. Chapter 54

**A/N: You're all going to love this one. I just know it. When I wrote this, I couldn't stop smiling. Seriously, things are happening people, holy cow, gotta love Italy. I'm gonna stop now so you can get on with it. Just read. And let me know what you think when you're done. And enjoy. Really, enjoy! ;) xx.**

Chapter 54: U & I.

Heaven. I'm sure that this is heaven. I can't imagine heaven being any more perfect than this.

I'm lying on one of the beds on the private beach that's attached to the hotel, face down. Her soft, sexy hands are running over my back to even out the sunscreen while she is straddling my hips and in the background, I hear the waves hit the sand. I've never felt more at ease.

I'm pretty sure the sunscreen is already covering my back properly, but Ana doesn't stop. She massages my whole back, working on all the knots she finds along the way. My tensed muscles seem to relax for the first time since months and it makes me realize how my job physically effects me.

"You're so tense, don't you ever feel that while you're working?" Her soft voice overrules the sound of the sea and makes my heart beat faster instantly. Ever since we've arrived here, and specifically after we had the most intense sex of my life yesterday, my senses are focussed on Ana. She can't even breathe without giving me shivers and goosebumps and occasionally even a raging hard-on. I'm a fucking teenager all over again.

"Sometimes," I answer after a long silence in which I basically think about fucking Ana right here on this bed just because she talked to me, "but if I had a rough day, I usually use the sauna and then have a shower. It's great for sore and tensed muscles."

I hear her hum in response, her assault on my back still going strong. "I think I want to try out your sauna as soon as we get back."

Here we go, I've turned into a horny motherfucker. The idea of a naked Ana in my sauna, all sweaty and warm, I can't fucking think straight anymore. I'm definitely joining her when we get back home.

"You can. And it's your sauna too, baby. You've agreed to move in with me, so my house is yours now. It's always been yours."

She leans over me so her front is lying on my back and her mouth touches my ear, "thank you for building me a house. I just realize I've never said that."

"My pleasure," I smile and move my head up so I can kiss her. She meets me eagerly, her mouth demanding as it crashes on mine.

Her mouth never leaves mine as she rolls off of me and lies next to me on the bed, one leg still around my hip. I take the opportunity to lay on my side as well, so we are facing each other. Her arms immediately wrap around my neck and pull me closer to her and as a response, my arms find her waist. My hips come into contact with hers and I'm sure she feels the effect she has on me perfectly. She must feel it, given the tiny, brown bikini she is wearing.

"You're driving me crazy, baby. This is dangerous," I manage to get out as a warning. I can't promise to behave when her almost naked body is pressed against mine like this, I don't care if we are on a beach with other people around us.

She pulls her head back for a moment, her eyes half closed and her pupils wide. Her mouth is slightly open and her lips are red from kissing me fiercely. Her cheeks are red and there is a little bit of sweat covering her forehead. She looks stunning and sexy and I want her.

"Sorry," her breathy voice whispers, "I don't know what came over me. I can't seem to stop it."

I move a string of hair out of her face and smile, "don't apologize, I feel the same. I can't stop thinking about touching and kissing you either. I'm just as addicted, baby."

Her shy expression and red cheeks are adorable and really don't help to calm down my desire for her, but I will myself to calm down anyway. "You wanna go for a swim? To cool down?" I smirk before pecking her nose once.

She nods her head immediately, almost looking relieved. She needs it, I can tell. "Can you first do my back though?" She holds out the sunscreen, "I don't want to burn."

Eager as hell, I nod my head. I've been dying to get my hands on her again, even though I've put the sunscreen on her just thirty minutes ago which I'm sure still works fine. She wants my hands on her as well, so I'm happy to oblige.

When she turned onto her belly, she moves her hands behind her to untie the strings of her bikini. In the meantime, I staddle her hips, so I can reach her perfectly. The moment she is done and I squirt some sunscreen on her back, she arches while she lets out a shocked yelp. "God, that's cold. You could've put it on your hands. I didn't do it like this when I did it on you."

Her offended tone makes me laugh. "Sorry, I like shooting things all over you," I grin, watching her cheek turn bright red while she tries to hide her face in her towel.

She is quiet for a moment while I let my hands run over her back to rub in the sunscreen. After a minute, her head turns so she can look at me, "why?"

Her question makes me frown, "why? What do you mean, why?"

"Why do you like that?" She clarifies, surprising me.

She normally is very shy, but since we've arrived in Italy, she seems to feel more confident when it comes to this subject. I noticed it while we were having sex as well. She said things that surprised me.

"I don't know" I start while thinking about what it does to me. "I guess it's the idea of marking you with something of me. Me on you. It feels like you're mine when I do it, that everybody could see that you are mine. It's hard to explain, I guess."

"There are other ways of showing people that I'm yours," she mumbles, obviously enjoying the touch of my hands.

"Really?" I smirk, "like what?" I expect her to say something sexual related, something she might want to try, but what she says makes my hands hold still instantly while my heart almost explodes.

"You know, I could get a tattoo for you as well. Or you could give me something that I can wear that shows everybody that I'm yours," her face is bright red as she looks straight ahead, not even trying to look at me.

My eyes, on the other hand, are almost burning holes in her face, trying to read her. What is she saying? Does she want to get a tattoo for me? Does she mean that I should give her jewelry, a ring, like a wedding band to show everybody that she is mine? That idea turns me the fuck on. Does she want to marry me? Or am I just desperately waiting for her to give me some sign that she wants all those things because I want them badly? Holy fuck, I have to know what she means.

Without warning her, I move up a little and turn her around, grabbing her chin right after so she looks at me. Her eyes are slightly wide because she didn't expect the movement and she is biting her lip, probably because she is nervous about how I'm going to respond to all the things she just said.

"Ana," I start, my nose rubbing hers, "can you explain what you mean with all that? I'm confused." I need answers because if she means everything, I'll make sure she has them all before leaving Italy.

She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes briefly before her blue eyes find mine again. "Everything back home just made me realize how much I love you and how badly I want to be with you. How mad I am for losing all those years. And I keep thinking about what we could have had now if we didn't lose each other. I just want to be yours, and I want everybody to know that we are together. And now that we are here in Italy, all those things is all I can think about and you probably think it is crazy but what if it's meant to be like that? I mean, you said that you didn't want to call me your girlfriend for long and the thought really hasn't left my mind that I could be more than just your girlfriend, like right now. Or something. I don't know, I'm going to stop talking." She is rambling. Talking way too fast, her cheeks insanely red as she does. I'm sure everybody else would think she is crazy. But I heard it and I understand. I've heard everything and I'm going insane.

"You want to marry me? Right here, right now?" I'm amazed, suddenly nervous as hell and my mouth is dry. This is fucking huge.

I actually briefly thought about asking her to marry me during this trip, but I didn't have time to arrange everything and I thought that Ana would find it too fast. But here she is, almost asking me. Insane.

"Yes," she nods her head, eyes just as wide as mine, "I mean, I... We..," she signs before her expression turns determined. "You know what? I just want to focus on us and do whatever the hell we want for once. I'm done with everybody doing and deciding what they think is best for us. I know what is best for me, and that is you. So yes. Yes, I would marry you, right here, right now because it is what I want to do and I don't care what anybody else thinks about it."

Fuck me. Fuck. Me.

I don't know what to say. I'm flabbergasted. She wants to marry me.

"Are you sure? Don't fuck with me about this, Ana because I'll swear it will ruin me if this is a joke." I don't recognize my voice. Hell, I don't even hear it properly over the sound of blood pumping through my body at high speed.

She grabs my face in her hands as a sweet smile appears on her face. Her eyes shine as tears form in her eyes. "No joke," she whispers, her lips moving against mine, "I want you to make me yours. I want you to marry me."

Before I can even respond, she crashes her mouth on mine and slides her tongue inside with force. On instinct, my whole body moves against her, completely forgetting that we are on a beach where everybody can see us but I couldn't give a fuck even if I wanted to. She wants to marry me.

When Ana starts to move her hips against my groin, I realize that I need to stop before she will end up moaning my name, so I pull away, earning a low growl from my future wife.

Future wife. Holy shit.

"I'll marry you," I tell as I wipe away her tears, my eyes never leaving hers. "I'll make you mine."

She nods her head and smiles through her tears, "I love you so much."

She has said it a lot of times since I have her back, but this time I feel it through my whole body as if it's taking over everything. She loves me and she is going to marry me. Here, in Italy, where I met her ten years ago.

Like I said, fucking heaven.

* * *

"I can't walk as fast as you, Christian. My legs are not as long," she giggles from behind me, her hand desperately holding mine.

I'm marching through the lobby of the hotel, one hand holding the bag with towels and sunscreen, in the other Ana's hand as I drag her with me. Her giggle makes me want to pull her in my arms and take her upstairs, and I will do that as soon as I've talked to the receptionist.

"I'll carry you as soon as I'm done here," I tell her when I've reached the reception. There is one person waiting in front of me, so I need to be patient.

Ana squeezes my hand to get me to look at her. She looks so happy. Fuck, I love her.

"What are you going to do here?" She asks with bright eyes.

I kiss her nose and smirk, "I'm going to ask them the number of the nearest Reverend to see when he is available."

"Mr. Grey, you are not joking around," she smirks, obviously just as excited as me.

"I'm not," I confirm, "I'll marry you today if he can make it, baby."

"Me too," she smiles, "but we need a location."

The moment she told me that she wanted to marry, I saw her standing in one place, in particular, wearing a white dress. I want to marry her at the place that reminds me of us.

"I know where," I tell her as I watch the guy in front of me walking away, "I'm marrying you on that cliff," I say before pulling her to the desk.

"Hi," I start when I have the attention of the girl behind the desk, "do you know a Reverend that can marry us? As soon as possible? Like today?"

Next to me, Ana bursts into giggles and the girl behind the desk seems to find my question amusing as well.

"Well," the girl says with a smile on her face, "there is a little chapel about thirty minutes from here, where you can marry. You just have to walk in."

"I just need someone who can marry us, we want to get married at a specific place," I tell her.

She smiles and nods, "I'll look for the number of the chapel so you can ask them yourself, okay? One moment."

She types something on the laptop in front of her and just thirty seconds later I have a note with the number in my hand. After thanking the girl, I grab the bag and then walk to the elevator, determined and eager.

"You're not going to call?" Ana asks, once again from behind me while giggling.

"Nope, not now, we have better things to do."

I push the button of the elevator and the doors open immediately. Perfect.

Without saying anything else, I walk in, pulling Ana with me and then I push the button of the second floor. The moment the doors close, Ana jumps into my arms and wraps her legs around my waist, obviously having the same thought as me.

"You're right, let's celebrate," she mumbles as her lips trail down my neck, her teeth grazing my skin before she places a sucking kiss just above my collarbone.

"Fuck yes," I can't help but growl, to the celebrating part and to the fact that what she is doing to my neck is fucking sexy as hell.

When we arrive on the second floor, we make our way to the room stumbling. We both don't want to stop our kiss but when we reach the door to room 255, I have to pull away to open it.

I open the door as quickly as possible before pulling Ana inside, my mouth busy on her neck. I throw the bags somewhere on the floor, shut the door behind me and then I walk Ana towards the bed.

When we stand at the end of the bed, I pull back from our kiss to look at her. She is out of breath and she is biting that damn lip again, completely aware of what it does to me. I move my hand to her chin and pull her lip free with my thumb before rubbing over her plump lip a few times.

Her hands move to my white shirt and slowly pull it up. After that, she moves to my swim trunks, getting rid of them as well. When I stand in front of her completely naked, she lets her hands move over my body. She touches every inch, except where I need to feel her the most. It would've frustrated the fuck out of me if I wasn't so taken by the woman in front of me.

I have no idea what caused it, but she is suddenly much more confident. She is being a little tease right now, eye fucking me and all, and all I can do is look at her.

"The first time I brought you here, you were too nervous to touch me. Now, look at you, teasing the hell out of me. Do you have any idea how sexy it is to see you like this?" I'm amazed and proud, and I can't help but let her know that.

She smiles a sweet smile while her eyes focus on my chest, her fingers tracing my nipple. "I was nervous because I didn't know what to do. Now, I feel like I know what you like a little bit. It makes it easier."

I nod my head and move my hands to the hem of her white summer dress to pull it over her head. Next, I remove her bikini, leaving her naked as well. She has a little tan already, the lines of her bikini are slightly visible on her skin.

Her hands are back to moving over my body, and I decide to copy her. My hands move over her body in the exact same way she does to me while we stand nose to nose. I move over her hips, belly, her breast and neck before sliding all the way down again to her thigh. It's the most intimate thing I've ever shared with anyone.

"I can't believe that I'm going to marry you," I tell her as my hands move over her belly again. "The me before you would be shocked."

"The me before you would be shocked too, for different reasons I think," she giggles while her arms find their way around my neck, stopping our little mirror game.

"Yeah, probably," I grin, "but I was a huge dick."

"I don't know about that, but I do know that you have a huge dick."

The moment she says it, both our eyes widen, mine in surprise, hers in shock, and her hands fly to her face to hide. "Oh my God, I'm out of control," she mumbles in her hands, making me laugh.

I like this Ana. A lot.

"Don't hide," I laugh and pull her hands away from her face, "you can be everything around me, even out of control. I love it when you're out of control."

When her eyes are on my face again, I push her backward so she falls on the bed. I crawl on top of her and kiss her, softly. I want to savor this moment.

We kiss for minutes before I let my hand slide south and touching her soft lips, making her moan against my mouth. I can tell she is ready for me and I'm pleased about that. It means that our little touching game turned her on just as much as it turned me on.

I move my finger in slow circles over her nub, my mouth covering her neck with kisses. Her neck is my favorite place to kiss. I love it how she moves her head all the way back to make sure I have full space to kiss her properly.

"I'm close," she breathes into my hair, pulling at it at the same time. It does something to me.

"Do you want it like this? Or do you want to when I'm inside you?"

Her whole body flushes at my words and it's fucking gorgeous.

"You in me," is all she says. And it's enough.

I waste no time and reach for a condom that's lying on the nightstand before making quick work of putting it on.

I move in between her legs again and let my tip move over her slit a couple of times before she is squirming underneath me.

"Please," she breathes, almost desperately. If she keeps it up like this, I'll come before I'm properly inside.

I take a deep breath and will myself to calm down before I slowly slide inside of her. Her legs opening as wide as they can to welcome me, her hands on my ass to pull me in deeper. It's amazing. She feels amazing.

I start a lazy tempo, kissing her with everything I've got. With my kisses, I try to tell her what she means to me. How much I love her. How proud I am of her. How she makes me feel. How she is my safe place.

"I'm going to be your wife," she whispers when my lips move away just a little.

It's the sexiest thing I've ever heard her say. My wife.

"Fuck, Ana. I'm coming."

She nods her head, her nose touching my lips as she does and moves her hand in between us to touch herself, making sure we can come together.

"Please wait, I'm almost there," she breathes, eyes locked with mine.

I hold my breath and try to put everything on hold which is fucking hard when she is squeezing me tight. Thankfully, just seconds later she comes and I can let go as well.

Shocks go through her body as she silently comes, only whispering my name two times. I can only watch her as I pulse inside of her, I am completely fixated on her. Nothing else matters. Just Ana.

As we both come down from our high, I lay my head on her chest, the sound of her heart beating fast in my ear. Her hands run through my hair and scratch my scalp, making me weak.

"You definitely know what I like, Ana. Jesus," I breathe after minutes of catching my breath.

Her giggle fills the room and even though I'm soft inside of her, I can still feel her pussy clench as she laughs. Is she keeps laughing, I'm ready to go again in seconds.

"Thank you for taking me back here."

I smile and kiss her sternum before looking at her face. "Thank you for coming with me. I know it was last minute and out of nowhere."

"I'd follow you anywhere. Nothing really matters, as long as I'm with you."

"Just you and me, baby, always." I agree before kissing her again, letting her feel just how much I mean those words. Her and me.

Fuck heaven. Ana, that's what it is.


	55. Chapter 55

**A/N: Are we ready for their wedding? I have to warn you; the level of intimacy in this chapter might overwhelm you ;). I think eloping is one of the coolest things ever and if it wasn't for my parents and grandfather, I would've definitely married my husband somewhere far away. So, writing this was like writing my own little fantasy wedding. I hope it's like you envisioned it! I think it's totally Christian and Ana. Enjoy and I'd love to hear your thoughts! xx**

Chapter 55: Sí. Un milione di volte Sì.

Nine days. It has been nine days since I saw her again after ten years. The best nine days of my life, even though the chaos has never been bigger. She literally turned my whole life upside down, but I wouldn't have it any other way because with her beside me I can handle everything.

I thought that what I felt for her was strong, but these nine days made me realize that whatever I felt before was nothing. Nothing compared to what I'm feeling now. What I feel when I touch her or kiss her. What I feel when I simply listen to her. It's the most intense and all-consuming thing, something I can't place. And it has just been nine days.

May 19th was never a date that was special and it never was my intention to make it special either. It was just a date, a day in a year, nothing more. But since yesterday, May 19th is the date I will always remember. I still can't wrap my head around everything that happened, but I do know that May 19th will be the best day of my life.

May 19th, the day I'll marry Ana.

When I contacted the chapel yesterday, it didn't really go as planned. It turns out that you need to arrange a shitload of stuff before you can get married here in Italy. I'm talking testimonials, birth certificates, the whole Rambam. Since Ana and I didn't really plan or think this through, we don't have any of those things. Apparently, Italy isn't the first place where people elope.

But, after explaining our situation, really slowly and with many words, so the all-Italian Pastor understood somewhat, he agreed to meet us at the cliff to lead a ceremony. We won't be husband and wife legally, but other than that, he will do everything he normally does during a wedding.

Ana and I don't mind that it isn't legal, because this is for us. To us, this will count as our wedding and it's the day we will tell our kids about when they ask us how we got married. We agreed that when we get back, we go to the courthouse and make it official, without all the fuss.

I'm currently wandering around Piombino because my fiancé threw me out of our room an hour ago. She needed time to get ready and according to Ana, it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding. The fact that that saying also counts for the night before the wedding didn't seem interesting to her.

So, I rented a car and drove here, promising her that I would pick her up around two since the Pastor will meet us at our cliff at two thirty. I'm curious why she wanted me out and how she will look, I'm sure she didn't think about bringing a wedding dress.

I'm wearing sand-colored pants with a white, short sleeved button down. It's the fanciest thing I brought along, for when we decided to go out, but I think it's perfect for a wedding on our cliff. Ana agreed as well, so I'm good.

I've just bought white lilies for Ana because a proper wedding always has flowers. And because I've never had the change to buy her flowers, so it seems right.

I only need one more thing now. Jewelry. I'm marrying the love of my life today and I want everyone to know that she said yes. So I need a ring. Or rings, I haven't decided yet.

I want to buy her a ring, one that I would've got for her if she just gave me a little more time to prepare a proposal, but now it seems weird to get her an engagement ring on our wedding day. So, I think I'm going for two matching rings, so everybody sees I'm hers as well. I think she would like that. I just fucking hope that they have our sizes.

After ten minutes of walking, I walk into the first jewelry store I pass and I'm immediately greeted by an old man who is sitting behind the desk.

"Buongiorno," he smiles, looking up form the paper he is reading.

"Buongiorno," I smile and nod, "do you speak English?"

"Oh, very little," he replies, "but I try, yes?"

I nod my head, "thank you. I'm looking for matching wedding bands."

He frowns, obviously not completely understanding me before he asks me to say it again. After three times of misunderstanding me, I grab my phone and use Google Translate to make myself clear.

"Ah, si, si!" He enthusiastically claps after reading what I'm looking for. "Come, come."

He beckons me to move to him as he grabs a box from a cabinet behind him. When he places the box on the desk and opens it, I'm met with all types of wedding bands. At least he's got them.

"Silver or gold or white gold?" He manages to get out, his friendly expression and excitement making me smile. He is really trying.

I think about what I want for a moment. I've never seen Ana wear gold, and I'm not really digging gold myself, so I think I should go for white gold.

"White gold," I tell him, and immediately see him pick out three types of rings.

'These is simple, yes," he says as he places a smooth, white gold wedding band in my hand.

"These is a little more bello, you know? For la tua ragazza," he winks and grabs another white gold ring, also smooth but the smaller one has a small diamond in the center.

"And these is very good as well. Is a little bit more, yes," he says, also giving me the last one. It has a structure and out of all three, it appeals the least to me.

My first thought is to get the second ring. Simple and smooth for me, a little bit more elegant with the small diamond for Ana. That way, I can still give her a diamond ring, to compensate for the lack of an engagement ring. It will look stunning on her, and I could keep it on during work since it's simple.

"This one," I point to the second one, "which sizes do you have? I'm looking for a size 7 and a 10,5 and I need them today."

His eyes widen and he takes his glasses off in surprise, "today?! Oggi? Mio Dio."

I have no idea what it means, but I'm guessing it's not good. I'm hoping he can help me though.

"Wait minuto," he says before taking the ring in question out of my hand and walking to the back. I fucking hope he has more rings there.

Minutes pass and I'm starting to get impatient. If he hasn't got them, I have to go to another shop and I don't really have much time left.

"Here," I hear the man say as he walks back through the door, a smaller box in his hand, "these is a little different but also nice and white gold, is good yes? And good size."

He gives me the small box and when I open it I find two matte finish, white gold wedding bands. Both of the rings have a line in the center, and on the smaller one, the line is filled with small diamonds. It's perfect, even better than the ones I picked first. This is again a sign that Ana and I are meant to get married here. Fuck.

"I'll take them," I tell him enthusiastically, making him laugh and clap his hands again.

"Eccellente!" At this point, he is almost jumping on the desk in front of him. It makes me laugh.

I pay for the rings, the price almost costing me a heart attack as well. Thank God I saved a good amount of money. Ana is worth it though, she is worth everything.

"After you said sí to the lady, you throw a glass vaso, yes? For matrimonio felice," the old man tells while shaking my hand.

I smile and nod my head. Throwing a glass vase on the floor for a happy marriage, I think. Got it. I thank him again before walking out of the shop and walking back to the car, picking up speed as I do. In thirty minutes, I have to pick up Ana.

I wasn't nervous, partly because this is something that we both want and it's just me and her, but while I drive back to the hotel, I do feel different. It's like I'm suddenly realizing how big this is. In just an hour, Ana will be my wife and that thought is really giving me all kinds of nerves.

On one hand, I feel a little bad that Elliot and Kate, and José and Mandy aren't here. I would almost forget after all the negativity surrounding us, but they were supportive and happy for us from the moment we've told them we'd found each other. I know they will be happy for us when we tell them what we did though, they won't be mad and I actually think they'll completely understand.

Before I know it, I'm back at the hotel, ten minutes before two. I take a deep breath before getting out of the car, rings in my pocket and flowers in my hand. I can't wait to see her, even though it has just been a little more than two hours ago since I last saw her.

To get some of the adrenaline out, I decide to take the stairs. Taking two steps at one go, I'm on the second floor in no time, not even remotely out of breath. I'm too excited. Too eager. Really, nothing has changed.

When I'm standing in front of the door, I will myself to calm down once again. I need to be here completely at this moment. When she opens the door, I want my full attention on her because I just know she will be gorgeous. She is always gorgeous, without even trying.

I knock on the door and wait while my heart almost beats out of my chest. I'm even fucking fumbling with the flowers I got for her. I suddenly am in desperate need of a drink and for a short moment, I think about what we have in the mini bar that can help me with that.

But then she opens the door, and everything I was thinking and feeling flies out of the window and is replaced by just one thing; Ana.

"Hi," her shy voice greets me while her cheeks turn pink as she sees me standing in the doorpost, mouth open, and eyes moving up and down to take her in.

I knew she would look gorgeous and the fact that she made work of it doesn't surprise me either since she threw me out but what I'm seeing now overrules every expectation.

Perfection. She is perfection.

She is wearing a light, soft blush-pink floor-length dress with thin straps and ruffled sleeves that hang over her shoulders. It's simple, has a beach look but still looks elegant as hell. Her hair falls in waves around her shoulders, one white flower on the left side behind her ear. Perfection, my bride.

"Christian? Are you okay?"

Her voice and her hand on my cheek pull me out of my intense stare, my eyes locking with hers. She is wearing a little make-up which makes her ocean blue eyes stand out more.

"Is this really happening?" I whisper without thinking, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion.

I feel her thumbs move over my cheeks, wiping away the tears. I can't help it. After all the shit, the lonely years without her, and even though the most important people in our life didn't want us together, we made it. We made it and we are about to get married.

A sweet smile forms Ana's lips and she nods her head, her eyes tearing up as well. "It is. It's real," she whispers.

"Fuck," I sigh before pulling her to me, my arms tightly around her waist while I bury my face in her neck, breathing her in. It's real.

When I've calmed down a bit and the emotions are somewhat under control, I pull back slightly so I can look at her.

"You look gorgeous. Stunning. Fuck, you're perfect," I try to use every word available to describe how she looks but it still doesn't cover it even remotely.

"Thank you," she smiles, her hands still on my cheeks, "It isn't really a wedding dress, but it was the closest thing I brought along. I actually almost didn't pack it because I didn't think I would wear it, but José and Mandy didn't agree."

"It's perfect, Ana. You look so beautiful, I can't even think straight." I move my eyes over her appearance again, still not over how amazing she looks.

She gives me a quick kiss before her hands drop to smooth out her dress. "Are you ready to marry me?" She asks, still looking at me.

"I am, are you ready?" I eagerly nod my head.

"I am," she smiles.

I give her the flowers I completely forgot about before grabbing her hand. When I look at the time on my phone, I see that we have twenty minutes to get to the cliff.

"Wait, we need a picture of this," Ana says just as I want to put my phone back into my pocket, "let's make a selfie."

"How very modern of you, baby," I chuckle before pulling her in front of me and opening the camera on my phone and holding it in front of us.

My cheek is leaning against her head and her bright blue eyes look happily into the camera. Thank fuck she suggested this, this picture will be my favorite picture ever. Me and her, on our wedding day.

"You look very giddy Mr. Grey," Ana smirks while I snap a few pictures.

"Can you blame me? Look at you. I can't wait to marry you."

"Let's get married then," she smiles.

Fuck yes.

* * *

Since we can't reach the cliff with the car, I park at the spot where we're meeting the Pastor so we can walk the last bit. The whole ride, Ana and I just talked about everything and nothing. The casual atmosphere between us confirms that this is how we both want it to be. Relaxed and just the two of us.

When we step out, another car approaches and given the fact that this is a very remote place, I think it's the Pastor. To my surprise though, he isn't alone. A young woman is driving the car, and the old man is sitting on the seat next to her.

When they've parked the car, the younger woman steps out first, a smile on her face as she walks towards Ana and me.

"Ciao coppia meravigliosa, my name is Julianne," she smiles, a light accent as she talks, "I assume you are Christian and Anastasia?"

I nod my head and squeeze Ana's hand at the same time, "Yeah."

"Great," she smiles and offers both Ana and me her hand before she continues, "Pastor Dimiceli is a family friend, and he called me to ask if I wanted to assist him during the ceremony, with your permission of course. English isn't his best language, so I would be there to translate, if necessary."

"Oh, of course, we don't mind," Ana replies immediately, "we are happy you are here."

"Perfect," Julianne smiles, "he can't drive anymore because his eyes let him down a little, so he needed me to bring him as well but he swears that that wasn't the main reason," she winks before walking to the car to help the old man out of it.

"You don't mind, do you?" Ana whispers as we watch the Pastor walk over to us, slowly and a bit unsteady. I actually feel bad about the fact that he needs to climb on top of a cliff now.

"Of course not, baby. If you're okay with it, I am too," I smile and kiss her.

"Buon pomeriggio," the old man's raspy voice says when he has reached us, "I Pastore Dimiceli and I marry you, ufficiosamente." He shakes our hands while Julianne tells us that he means unofficial with the last word.

"Grazie," Ana starts, "for coming here and doing this for us. We really appreciate it.''

I nod my head in agreement as I watch Julianne explain what Ana just said. He obviously really doesn't speak English at all and I'm sure now that I didn't talk to him when I called the chapel.

"You wanted to do the ceremony here?" Julianne asks, obviously on request of the Pastor, who is looking around with a huge frown on his face which makes Ana giggle quietly.

"No," I begin, "we actually wanted to do it on the cliff a few minutes from here. Is that possible?" I ask as I nod my head to the Pastor discreetly, making Julianne laugh.

"He'll manage," she nods, "it might take a little longer but he'll make it. Shall we go?"

Ana and I both nod our heads before starting our walk, Julianne and the Pastor following us with a little distance which I'm thankful for. It gives me the change to talk to Ana without them hearing it.

"When I walked here alone eight years ago, I never thought that I would come here again, let alone with you while you are wearing this," I lead her through the small path, making sure her dress doesn't get stuck in the twigs along the way.

She squeezes my hand, "I can't believe it's been ten years. Now that I walk here again, it seems like I was here yesterday. Probably because I have thought about this place a lot."

I smile and nod my head in agreement, completely understanding how she feels. "I know."

We walk up the cliff in comfortable silence, my hand holding hers. Sometimes I look behind me to see if the Pastor can keep up, and every time I do I see him look at the ground as if it is causing him a lot of energy. Julianne however, holds her thumbs up every time, so I guess he is okay.

After a short walk, we reach the cliff and my feelings go in overdrive. Ana's gasp next to me tells me she feels the same. It's unreal to be here, with here, on our cliff, the spot that means so much to both of us.

"It's even more beautiful than I remember," Ana's voice breaks the silence and again makes me realize that this is really happening.

She is looking at the harbor of Piombino, her whole face shining, obviously enjoying the view. I, however, can only look at her. How her hair shines in the light of the sun, how her dress flows around her because of the light breeze and how her eyes almost give me a heart attack. I need to make sure I can look at this exact image forever.

Without telling her so she keeps her focus on the view in front of her, I grab my phone and snap a few pictures of her. The pictures are stunning, but the real version of her standing here is out of this world. And in minutes she is going to be my wife.

At least, if the Pastor will make it to the top. I look behind me to see if he is almost here and just see him appear from behind the trees. He has sweat on his forehead and I can practically hear his gasps for air over here. Poor man.

He walks to the shade instantly and leans his back against the rocks, obviously trying to catch his breath before he'll start. Julianne stays with him for a moment before she walks over to Ana and me.

"He just needs a minute to catch his breath, don't worry," she smiles. "I was thinking, do you want me to take pictures or maybe film the ceremony?"

"Oh, that would be amazing!" Ana excitedly says.

Julianne smiles, "okay, do you want me to use my phone so that I can send it to you or should I use yours?"

"You can use mine," I tell her while giving her my phone, "please, film it."

She nods her, "I will, one more question before we start, do you wish to exchange rings?"

"Yes," I immediately say.

"What? We are?" Ana's surprised look is priceless. And so fucking cute.

"Yeah," I grin and pull the box out of my pocket before giving it to Julianne, not showing Ana the rings. I want it to be a surprise.

"How did you even..," she starts but is interrupted by Pastor Dimiceli.

"We can start?" He looks at Ana and me questioningly, his expression is friendly and obviously not as out of breath anymore.

We both nod our head, eager to get started. I can't wait.

"Oggi ti prometti reciprocamente fedeltà eterna e amore incondizionato," he starts when Ana and I stand across from each other, holding each others hands.

When he realizes that Ana and I have no idea what he is saying, he tries to explain it to us which doesn't really work before he looks at Julianne defeated. It's actually endearing.

"Today you promise to be faithful to each other and to love each other unconditionally for as long as you both shall live," Julianne explains, in her hand my phone.

Pastor Dimiceli starts talking again and after every sentence, Julianne translates what he is saying. I try to listen to them, but their voices seem to fade as I look at Ana, whose eyes are also on me.

Her eyes tell me everything I need to know and want to hear. They tell me that she will be there when things will be hard. That she will support me in everything I decide to do. She will love me, even when I'm acting like a huge asshole and she will address me on my mistakes. She will find me when I'm lost and she won't ever judge me. She loves me and she will cherish me for the rest of my life.

I let my eyes tell her the same and I promise myself right here, right now, that I will tell her every day how proud I am of her, how beautiful she is and how much she means to me. I vow that I will always make her laugh and I will give her everything her heart desires. I've got her back, always. And I will never let her fall asleep without telling her how much I love her.

The tears that fall down her cheeks, let me know that she hears me, without even saying it out loud. This is our moment, and it couldn't be more perfect.

"Gli anelli che scambi rappresentano l'unità che formerai per tutta la vita. la forma rotonda dell'anello rappresenta l'infinito del tuo amore," I hear the Pastor say while I see Julianne give him the box with our rings before she translates again.

"The rings that you exchange represent the unity that you will form throughout your life. The round shape of the ring represents the infinity of your love," she starts, the camera still focussed on Ana and me, "you can put on the ring and say a few words."

I nod my head and watch the Pastor open the box before taking Ana's ring out.

"Ana," I start, my voice shaking as I put the ring on her finger, "there are so many things I want to tell you and I promise I will tell you them whenever you want to hear them, but right now, I just want to tell you that I'm so proud to be your husband. I've loved you for ten years, and I promise to love you for a hundred more. Thank you. Thank you for making me the happiest man alive."

Tears are fully streaming down Ana's cheeks now, but she has a smile on her face as well.

"It's beautiful," she says after she has looked at the ring in awe, "thank you."

She reaches for the other ring and then looks at me "Christian," she starts, taking a deep breath right after to make sure she can make it through her speech, "being here with you again seems unreal. I never in a million years thought that this would be the place where we would marry, let alone now. But it's perfect. You are perfect. I owe you everything. You've made me strong, gave me the confidence that I needed to keep going and your love gives me so much courage. I'll spend the rest of my life thanking you for saving my life. I love you."

The last part comes out in heavy sobs, but I've heard her loud and clear, and all I want to do is kiss her and hold her in my arms. I'm seconds away from doing so when I'm reminded of the fact that Pastor Dimiceli and Julianne are still here.

"Christian Grey, prendi Anastasia Steele come tua moglie?" He asks me before looking at me expectantly.

"This is when you say 'sí'," Julianne winks, making Ana giggle.

"Right," I nod and look at Ana, my eyes locking with hers, "Sí."

The Pastor turns to Ana before asking, "Anastasia Steele, prendi Christian Grey come tuo marito?"

"Sí," she whispers, her head nodding rapidly and eagerly.

"Per il potere conferito in me e con Dio come testimone, ora pronuncio marito e moglie. Puoi congratularti a vicenda," he smiles. When he sees that both Ana and I are again looking at him because we don't understand him, he chuckles, "you can kiss."

He doesn't have to say that again. My hands move to Ana's face and my lips crash onto hers, desperate to let her feel how much this means to me. She is mine.

Our tongues tangle and our hands grope, very inappropriate considering the fact that Pastor Dimiceli is still standing here along with Julianne, but I don't give a shit right now. After all the chaos, heartache and shit, we are here and we are married. How it should be.

Only when Julianne lets out a small cough to indicate that we can't take it this far, our mouths separate. Ana's cheeks are bright red as she realizes what we did and I can't help but feel proud. I can make her forget about everything else around us and I intend to do that a lot during our marriage.

"Congratulations!" Julianne claps as she walks over to us. First, she gives Ana and me a hand before she says, "I'll take the first picture of you two as husband and wife."

Ana and I pose for her while she takes a few pictures, Pastor Dimiceli watching us with a smile on his face as she does. When she is done, she gives me my phone back before the Pastor also congratulates us.

"Thank you, again," Ana smiles, "grazie."

He nods, then turns around and walks to the path that leads to the car. He's giving us privacy and I appreciate it. Since I want to stay here with Ana for a little bit longer, I beckon Julianne over to us before she follows him down.

"Here," I say while giving her an envelope, "a gift for the chapel, to express our gratitude. We are really thankful you could make this happen."

She smiles, "thank you for letting us be a part of your special day, it was an honor."

Both Ana and I shake her hand again before she walks after the Pastor, leaving us alone.

"Oh my God, we just got married," Ana says while looking at her wedding band amazed, "I can't believe you got us rings."

"I can't believe you are my wife," I counter.

Her face lights up even more. "I'm your wife," she smiles, the look on her face shows me that she is only now realizing fully what just happened.

I kiss her again, enjoying it a little more now that I know there isn't anyone who can stop us. As always, Ana is just as enthusiastic.

"I love you so much," she whispers against my mouth when we come up for air, her hands in my hair holding me close.

"I love you. I've never loved anyone as intense as I love you."

We stand in each other's arms for a moment, enjoying the feeling of being close and letting everything that just happened sink in while we're looking out over the water and the harbor.

"What do you want to do next, wife?" I smile when I feel her eyes back on me.

"Besides growing old with you?"

"God, Ana. That's cheesy," I grin, making her giggle as well.

"Shut up, I'm allowed to be cheesy, it's my wedding day."

I peck her lips once, "okay."

"But," she smiles as her hands go from my neck to my chest, "I also want to celebrate."

Her eyes turn slightly darker and I know what she means instantly. Fuck, I want that too.

"Mrs. Grey, the things you are referring to usually don't happen until midnight. It's called a wedding night for a reason, you know."

Her huge grin matches my own. "I don't care. Usual isn't really our thing anyway. I want to eat our wedding dinner in bed while we are naked, and I don't want to leave our hotel room until we have to fly back home."

Fuck yes. My wife, people.

My. Fucking sexy. Gorgeous. Wife.

* * *

**A/N: I've used Google Translate for the Italian sentences because I, unfortunately, don't speak Italian myself, so I hope it's all correct. Xx**


	56. Chapter 56

**A/N: I haven't posted for three days because I was busy packing suitcases, doing laundry and cleaning the house. I'm going on vacation to Greece tomorrow, where we also visit the family of my husband. (He is half greek). I wasn't really sure if I would be able to go after the accident, but thankfully I'm doing a lot better so we can have some nice weeks with the kids in paradise. It means that I won't be able to post for three and a half weeks. This one is a banger though, so I hope it will hold you over until my return. I also think that when I come back, I have written the last few chapters of Stronger which I'll probably finish on vacation. And if I have, I will post them the day I come back which is on June 29th. So 26 days, people. Hang in there! Enjoy this one, heavy, heavy smut ahead! Thanks for all the reviews! X Milou.**

Chapter 56: Ti Amo, Sempre.

"First Elliot and Kate, then José and Mandy."

We are standing on the balcony of our hotel room, both with a glass of champagne in our hand. We've just toasted and now we are going to tell the homefront what we did.

"Whatever you want, baby. A phone call or face time?"

"Let's face time them, so we can show them the rings and make them jealous of our view," she smiles while looking behind her at the blue sea.

I smile and nod my head before getting my phone out of my pocket and calling Elliot's cell and while I do so, I move behind Ana, my front to her back, and hold my phone in front of us. This might be my favorite thing to do since we took that selfie just hours ago.

It takes quite a while for Elliot to answer, and when he finally appears, his hair is one big mess and his eyes are sleepy. He is also in bed.

Right, the time difference.

"The fuck, Chris?" His hoarse voice comes through the speaker, "it's the middle of the night, for God sakes."

I have a quick look at the clock, do quick math and then roll my eyes. Pro in exaggerating, that one. "It's 7:30 in the morning, asshole."

"Yeah, on a Sunday, fucker. In our house, that means in the middle of the fucking night."

Before Ana or I can answer to that, a mob of blonde hair appears into view. Just seconds later it disappears before Kate's sleepy face looks at the phone, eyes squeezed shut just a bit because of the bright light.

"You know how to pick the times, Christian, Jesus. Hi, Ana," Kate begins before her eyes open a little bit more to have a good look at us, "wow, Ana, you look pretty. Love the flower in your hair, very cute. Is that ocean view? God damn, Ell, you need to take me there. Look at that view! Is everything okay with you two?"

As always, Kate immediately starts chatting. It's a talent of her, it doesn't matter if she's pissed, tired, happy or sad, she never stops the chatting.

"Everything is fine," Ana smiles into the camera. Fuck, she is so gorgeous.

"How are you holding up, Ell?" I ask. I want to know how he is doing first because I know that when we tell them what we did, Kate won't give me a chance to ask any questions.

Elliot moves his hand over his face and lets out a long, deep sigh, "not really sure yet. I mean, I'm still fucking angry and humiliated or something but I don't want to kill him anymore, I guess. I just want to punch him good now, like really good, bloody nose, black eyes, and thick lip. That's progress, right?"

I nod my head, understanding how he feels. I feel the same, but I also feel relieved in a weird way. Relieved that he isn't my dad and that we don't share a single thing, not even blood. It means that I can't have his disgusting qualities.

"Yeah, that's good. Have they called you?"

He nods his head, "yeah, mom did. But I didn't answer. It's too early for that. I would only be able to curse. You were right, I need time to process this before I can talk to them. So, I'll wait until you are back. Then we can go together. I feel bad about Mia as well, man. I mean, how is she going to react?"

"I have no idea. She has always been pretty oblivious about the relationship between dad and us, or maybe she just chose to ignore it. We'll see, but I do know that we need to talk with mom and dad while she is present. She needs to know that she will always be our little sister, even though she only half now."

Elliot nods his head in agreement. I feel Ana squeeze the hand that isn't holding my phone, and it warms my heart. She supports me and I fucking love it.

On the screen in front of us, Elliot and Kate are being jumped on by Ava, who is wearing pink pajama's and holding her pink rabbit in her hand. She looks sleepy but excited for the new day and when she turns around and spots the phone, her whole face brightens.

"Uncwle Chrissie!"

God, I love that kid.

"Hi princess. Did you have a good sleep?"

"Yews," Ava mumbles but doesn't look at Ana and me since she has turned her attention on her mother's hair.

"What are you lovebirds up to? To what do we owe this call?" Elliot asks when he has successfully moved Ava off of him and in between him and Kate.

"Well," I start, looking at Ana for a moment who nods her head while smiling. "We wanted to tell you something."

"Yeah..." Both of them are looking at us expectantly. I think Kate might even suspect something since she has a huge grin on her face.

Slowly, Ana lifts are still joined hands into view, showing our wedding bands perfectly. While she does this, her cheeks turn a little red and her teeth find her bottom lip, making her look sexy as fuck and making me almost disconnect the call.

"Oh God, I knew it!" Kate is the first one to respond, hands clapping while she yanks the phone out off Elliot's hand and almost pushing her nose against the screen, giving us a close up of her face.

"Kate, Goddamnit, knew what?! Let me see."

"Language, Ell! Little ears are present."

"Then stop stealing my phone with your big hands and share will you."

Chaos. How these two manage to raise a kid as sweet, cute and smart as Ava is beyond me. They are literally fighting over the phone with Ava in between them. Ava is giggling like crazy though, so I think she doesn't really mind.

Ana is giggling as well, while I have no idea what I'm looking at. Hands, sometimes Ava's cute face, then again hands before finally the three of them come into view again.

"Are those what I think they are?" Elliot asks, eyes wide.

I nod my head, "I couldn't wait. We couldn't wait," I smile and look at Ana, who is glowing with happiness. Pure, blissful happiness. So Goddamn gorgeous.

"Congratulations! Christian, did you properly propose? Did you get married on the beach? Tell me you two have pictures?! Oh, this is so romantic! Are you kidding me?!" Kate is excited alright.

"We got married on a cliff. It's a special place for us. And we have it all on film, so you can watch it when we get home," Ana smiles, her eyes on her wedding ring.

Elliot is looking at the screen with wide eyes. He hasn't said anything, and I can't really read his expression. I hope to God that he isn't mad.

"Ell?" My doubtful voice seems to pull him back from where ever he was.

"Fuck man," he whispers while I swear I see his eyes water, "I'm fucking happy for you. For both of you."

His honesty warms my heart. I know he really means it, I can tell by the way he is looking at us. Elliot is the only one who saw what it did to me when her father told me to fuck off and even though we've never talked about it again, he knew. He knew the reason for not bringing anyone home. He knew why I always worked. He is the best brother I can imagine.

"Thanks," I smile while pulling Ana closer to my front, "we just couldn't wait and we liked the idea of it being just us. I hope you understand."

"Of course, man," Elliot immediately responds. "I get it. When you two are back, we celebrate. We'll go out and eat and drink and celebrate that you finally got your girl."

Best brother in the world.

"Before you two go and celebrate this on your own," Kate starts, sensing that Elliot is a little emotional, "Ana, show your dress! From head to toe."

Ana smiles and gets out of my arms before I turn the camera on her and watch her turn around, the dress perfectly moving around her. She is an angel. Her bright smile and little giggle, damn. She is my angel.

"So pwetty!" Ava gasps, apparently looking at the phone again, "like a pwincess."

Damn right. My princess. My queen.

"Thank you, Ava," Ana waves.

"Very beautiful, Ana. I can't wait to see the wedding film!" Kate smiles. I'm really lucky to have Elliot and Kate. No matter how insane, they support me, unconditionally.

"Thanks," Ana smiles, "sorry for waking you. We wanted you to be the first to know."

"No biggie," Elliot grins, his tears replaced by joy, "you can make it up to us by taking Ava for a weekend when you two are back. You'd like that, right Ava? Go to uncle Chris for the weekend?"

"YES!" Ava screams, jumping on the bed as she does and also giving Elliot an elbow on the cheek in the process who is immediately whining like a baby while Ava tries to comfort him by rubbing his hair all over the place.

Like I said; chaos.

"Alright, we've got to go," Kate's face appears into view, "I've got two babies that need attention. Thank you for calling us, we are so happy for you two. Enjoy each other. See you soon!"

She gives us an air kiss, just like Ava who has pushed her face in front of the screen as well.

Ana and I both say our goodbyes before we disconnect the call, both grinning like idiots.

"José and Mandy next?" I grab her waist and kiss her nose before looking at her shining blue eyes. They floor me every time I see them.

To my surprise, Ana shakes her head, her teeth again digging in her lip, making me horny as fuck. "We can call them after."

"After what?"

"After we've celebrated," she smirks, her hands moving over my chest, making my heart beat faster in a nanosecond.

"Whatever my wife needs," I whisper against her lips before I push forward and kissing her desperately. She's just as desperate and meets me in my need. She is all over me, her hands moving over my body so fast, I can't even register it.

When I let my hands move down to her ass though, she stops me by pulling her head back. "I need to pee quickly. Be right back."

Her giggle makes me laugh as well as I watch her run to the bathroom at high speed. It also makes my dick even harder than it already was. I don't know why, but the thought of making love to her now that we are married does things to me.

While Ana is busy in the bathroom, I refill our champagne glasses again and put them on the nightstand next to the bed so they are within reach. After that, I open the bed invitingly so we can hop on the moment she returns.

Just as I grab the vase with her flowers to put them on the other nightstand so it looks a little more romantic, Ana comes out of the bathroom. I expect her to be just as worked up as me, but when I look at her, I see a frown on her face, her eyes cast onto the ground.

"What's wrong?" I immediately ask, worried that something is not good.

She sighs and sits on the bed, eyes still down. "I'm bleeding. I literally just got my period. Like two minutes ago. On my wedding night."

The way she says it, makes me chuckle a little bit. She sounds disappointed and I think it's because she thinks that we can't have sex now. Luckily for her and for me, blood is not going to stop me from having sex with her repeatedly on our wedding night. No change. She's mine and I will make sure she feels that everywhere tomorrow.

"That's not that bad," I sit next to her and wrap my arm around her, "we'll just use a towel so we won't make a mess on the sheets."

Her eyes widen and her cheeks are deliciously pink again. "You don't mind?"

"Ana," I chuckle, "it takes more than a little blood to stop me from claiming you, especially during this night. If you don't mind, I sure as hell don't.''

"Okay," her smile doesn't reach her eyes, "it's really horrible timing, isn't it?"

"Hey," I move my hand under her chin and force her to look at me, "why do I get the feeling that this is about more than just you having your period on our wedding night?"

"I don't know," she mumbles. There is definitely something else going in as well.

"Ana," I sigh, "be honest."

"I just," she starts before stopping to take a deep breath, "it's just that... Maybe a tiny part of me hoped that I wouldn't get my period."

For a moment I look at her confused because why the hell would she think like that? But then it hits me. That time when we had drunk sex. It all seems so long ago, but it's just a few days ago. We had sex without a condom and she told me that it wasn't a big deal because she would get her period in just days. Holy fuck, is she saying that she hoped she didn't get her period because then she could've been pregnant?

"You... Why would... Do you..." What the hell do I say now? My heart is beating out of my chest. What does she mean?

"Baby," I start again, now able to get out a complete sentence, "what do you mean? I'm confused. I'm starting to think about things, Ana. Just tell me without talking in riddles."

"I don't know," she sighs, "it would've just made sense if I didn't get it, I guess. I mean, it wouldn't have been bad and I was thinking how it would've been nice if we'd find out about being pregnant just after we got married. I know it's crazy considering everything," she waves her hand around to cover all the chaos.

Does she want my baby? Did she just say this or am I hearing what I want to hear? Jesus, she is going to kill me with this shit. First about the whole marriage thing and now this. What a woman.

"Wow."

"Yeah."

Silence. Do I tell her I want to get her pregnant here in Italy? Or should I be reasonable and realistic and tell her that we should wait for a while?

When minutes have passed without either one of us talking, I decide to end this madness. It's our wedding day for God sakes. And we can do whatever the hell we think is right for us.

"It would be nice if we would make a baby here, during the vacation in which we got married," I mumble, my voice low as if I'm afraid she will hear me even though I want to scream it from the rooftops. Fuck it, she is my wife. Honesty is key.

Her eyes shoot up to meet mine the moment what I said sinks in. "What?"

"I mean, what if we just don't use a condom and see what happens? For real this time?"

Before she answers, Ana suddenly climbs onto my lap. Her legs on either side of mine, nose to nose. Our position. Her bright blue eyes will mine not to look away and I instantly know that what we are going to say now, is going to change everything.

"Would you want that?" Her voice is soft and shaky but in the far distance, I swear I hear the excitement.

I want this. Never doubted it. I want her, and I want everything with her. And I want it now because my patience is gone. We deserve it. We've deserved it years ago.

I slowly nod my head, trying really hard not to grin like an idiot. "I want that. I want to have a baby with you."

Our eyes are still locked and her forehead is now leaning against mine. Her breath ghosts over mouth, making me shiver.

"What if it's too soon?" Her voice doesn't sound convincing at all. She wants it too, I just know it.

"Fuck everyone," I say without thinking, "they don't know anything about us. We're making our own happiness Ana. You and me, it's all we need. And if we want to have a baby, then who the hell is going to tell us we can't? I only care about you, Ana. So, what do you want?"

Tears are forming in her eyes and her lip begins to tramble, but her expression shows happiness, excitement, and love. Her hands are stroking my neck and she moves her nose over the mine from left to right a couple of times. She is surprisingly relaxed while talking about this.

"I want to have your baby," she whispers after what feels like hours.

Holy shit.

"You do?" I don't hold back the huge grin anymore. She can see what it does to me to hear her say it.

She nods her head, tears in her eyes and hands on my cheeks. "I do. You and me. All in."

All in. Fuck. She wants to have my baby. After ten years, we're finally together and we're going to build a future, a family. This is a dream.

"Ana," I breathe, my voice full with amazement, "I love you."

Her arms tighten around my neck and her hips slowly start moving onto my groin. I can't help but moan when I feel her moving on top of me, even though we are wearing clothes and her movements are minimal.

She smiles when she feels the effect her movements have on me and whispers, "show me how much."

And I'm done. She is my wife. "So much, baby. So much," I mumble against her lips before I slowly take control over her mouth. And she lets me. She lets me take the lead and set the tempo. Her lips are following what I do and her tongue expectantly strokes against mine, waiting for me to make a move.

I press her against my groin harder, searching for a little relief. She needs it just as much as me, I can tell by the way she moans into my mouth and how her teeth sometimes sink into my lip. It's the first time she does this and it almost makes me come right on the spot.

"Take off your dress, baby," I growl the moment her lips leave mine to nibble on my neck. I swear her biting will kill me.

She doesn't move at all, her lips stay connected to my neck where she also runs her tongue over my skin. "You don't want to be the one who gets me out of my wedding dress?"

Fuck, yes. I do want that. But I also want to watch her take it off. So many choices...

"Stand up for me."

She does while huffing, obviously not happy with the loss of contact. When she stands in front of me, I take her in one more time. The flower has fallen out of her hair during our heavy make-out, her hair is tousled and her cheeks are red. The dress is still in place but Ana is determined to change that now. Like right now.

"Ana," I get her attention away from fiddling with the zipper which is on her back, "you really look beautiful. I'm so proud to call you my wife."

A sweet smile forms her lips and her arms drop from behind her back. "I'm proud to be your wife," she breathes.

I stand from the bed as well and move mine to her cheeks. I kiss her lips once before I let my hands move down, over her neck, her breasts and belly until I reach her hips. When I'm holding her, I slowly turn her around so her back is towards me.

"I've changed my mind, " I mumble as I slowly move the zipper down all the way, "I want to do it myself."

I'm pleasantly surprised when I see she isn't wearing a bra. Her dress falls open a little bit, giving me the perfect view on her flawless back. I can't resist this and stand so I can kiss the back of her neck, moving down over her spine until I reach the fabric. Then, I slowly drag it down her form, living kisses on the revealed skin until I reach her panties. All the while, Ana doesn't move except for a shiver occasionally.

"Turn around, baby," my lips move against her ass, I just can't be parted from her skin. I love the feel and taste too much.

She turns around again slowly, my lips never leaving her. When she is facing me again, I take my time kissing her belly. Her still slim belly in which hopefully will grow something of both of us very soon.

I move my tongue just above the band of her panties and see a shock go through her. When I look up, my mouth still on her, I find her already looking at me curiously.

"I want to taste you, baby. Can I?" I'm not sure if she will let me, considering her reaction to me telling her that I don't mind having sex during her period, but I need to ask her. Her smell and soft skin make me desperate for her pussy.

She seems to think about it for a moment before she shyly nods her head, "if you want to."

The way she moans and whispers to me make me even harder and before I can even bury my head in between her gorgeous legs, I need undo my pants before the button flies off due to pressure.

"Can you lay on the bed for me?" I remove my pants and boxers as she does what I asked her. When her body hits the bed, her legs spread for me and I can hardly wait to get on my knees.

First, I remove her panties. I can tell that she feels self-conscious now that she isn't wearing anything, and to make her feel a little more at ease, I move my hands up and down her legs.

"I didn't use a tampon," she blurts out just as I'm ready to dive in and I can't help but chuckle. I'm even finding things like this cute. I'm whipped as fuck.

"Good to know," I grin before I move my mouth over her.

Her hands immediately find my hair as I slowly pay attention to her pussy lips and I'm amazed by how she responds to me. Her back is arched and her hands push me into her hard, her legs bend and her toes digging in the sheets. She must look sensational like this.

After teasing her for minutes, I finally spread her open and latch onto her clit, making her scream out my name and just a second later, I feel her whole body go tense.

She moves into my face, riding out her orgasm and all I can do is watch her. Her head is thrown back and her eyes are closed. Her hands are still in my hair, gripping it as hard as she can while she uses my mouth.

When she lies on the bed again, her body completely spent, I can feel her heart beating through her nub against my tongue before she pushes me away and I lay my head on her thigh.

"You are amazing," she mumbles as an aftershock moves through her body and makes her hiss.

I smile and just watch her for a moment, my hand finding my dick to relief it somewhat. I swear I've never been this hard. I don't know if it's because she is my wife or because she trusts me enough to let me do this during her period or because we agreed not to use a condom, but I'm sure I can shoot my load without her even touching me.

As I stroke myself, Ana returns back to earth and moves up on her elbows to watch me. My eyes follow her, but other than that and my hand, I don't move. My head still lies on her thigh.

"Do you need help with that?" She nods to my busy hand and flushes instantly, her eyes fixated on what I'm doing.

"I don't know, do I? You seem to enjoy the show."

She nods, "I do, but I want to give you what you gave me."

As much as I'd love to lay like this for another hour, I want to feel her mouth around me again more. So, I move onto the bed, my back against the pillows and Ana moves in between my legs immediately.

"Move your hands behind your head," she whispers before she starts kissing my inner thighs.

I do what she says. Even though I'm surprised by her boldness, I don't want to call her out on it because I fear she will turn back to shy again, and that is something I don't want. She is fucking sexy like this.

When she has paid an equal amount of attention to both legs, she surprises me again by giving me a long lick from my balls, over my shaft all the way to my tip.

"Fuck," my hips move upward a little bit and before I can say anything else, she repeats the movement.

Her eyes are on my face the entire time, not once looking away while she lets her tongue pleasuring me in ways that drive me insane. She knows what it does to me when she plays with my balls and right now she is using it to tease the hell out of me.

"Do you like this?" She asks before she blows on my wet skin, making me gasp.

Do I like this, she asks. Jesus.

"Yes, I do," I answer through gritted teeth, "stop teasing baby, take me in. Please."

A satisfied smile plays along her lips as she moves her body over me. "In my mouth? Or elsewhere?" Her nose moves along mine before she pecks my lips once.

God I love this. My little tease.

She moves her pussy over my rock hard cock, and even though I really want to feel her mouth on me, I want her more. I need to be inside of her.

"In your wet tight pussy, baby," I growl out of control, making her blush bright red.

But she wants it just as bad because she moves in between us to grab me before positioning me at her entrance. After that, she slowly sinks onto me while we both moan. Skin to skin.

I've felt her without anything in between us before, but right now it's much more intense because I fully register what happens. Last time, alcohol made sure I didn't even realize what happened until it was done, but now everything feels more real. I'm completely in this moment with her, and I can't describe what I'm feeling.

She's wet, tight and warm. Insanely warm, insanely wet. Her slow movement makes sure I feel every little curve of her, and I swear that she was made for me. She fits me like a glove. Only me.

"This is so much more," she breathes while she starts to bounce on me a little faster, her hands on my chest for balance, her nails in my skin because it's that intense.

My hands move to her hips without thinking and when she leans forward just a bit, I can't resist slapping her left ass cheek.

"Oh, God," she mumbles as soon as she feels the sting of my handprint before I sooth the spot by rubbing my hand over it. I can tell that she liked it, she squeezed the hell out of me when I did it.

Without saying anything, she grabs my hands and starts moving in circles on top of me, her body moving in ways that surprise me. She's got moves.

"You're so sexy, baby," I say as I watch her, amazed, like a lovesick puppy.

"You're so deep," she mumbles, eyes closed and completely zoned out. I even doubt if she heard me talking to her. She's right though, I think I've never been this deep.

She moves my hands over her belly and onto her breasts, silently letting me know what she needs and the moment I skim my thumbs over her rosy nipples, I feel her clench again. She is close.

I move up so my face is inches from hers, our noses almost touching as I roll her nipples in between my fingers. Her hands move around my neck the moment she realizes I'm close to her.

Her hips start to move in faster circles and I can feel her dripping. Everything is much more intense like this, skin to skin.

"You're so beautiful, Ana," I mumble as I let my lips skim over hers, "you are a Goddess. My Goddess. I love you. Fuck, I love you."

She opens her eyes and her blue orbs find mine, pupils wide and eyelids hooded. "I love you and everything you do to me," even her voice drips sex.

"Are you going to come for me?" I pinch her nipples once and feel her squeeze again like it's in a direct connection.

She nods her head and crashes her mouth on mine, her tongue all over the place as she starts to move even harder, chasing her orgasm. When she is on the brink, her movements become less controlled and I'm forced to move my hands back to her hips to guide her.

Missing the assault on her nipples, Ana pulls back and moves my head to her breasts, begging me to use my mouth. She has no idea what she is doing to me.

"Oh my God, yes, almost," she pants when I suck her right nipple into my mouth. "Don't stop, please don't stop."

She's desperate.

The moment I feel her squeeze me again, I can't help but bite her in order to stop myself from coming, and it's enough for Ana to scream out my name and suck me in while she comes.

"CHRISTIAN!"

The whole hotel must've heard that. I fucking hope everybody heard that. It sounded insane.

I can feel her pulse around me and when Ana decides that it's a good idea to return the favor and bite my neck, I can't hold back any longer.

"Fuck yes, Ana. Like that," I grunt, my head leaning against her chest as I shoot inside of her, filling her until she can't take anymore and I feel it running outside of her and onto me.

Shocks go through both of our bodies while my arms move around her back, crushing her against me as close as possible. Her sweaty, warm body is all I need right now. Her body and the sweet little kisses she is leaving on my neck.

"We forgot the towel," she giggles after a few minutes, squeezing me again.

I shrug, not finding any energy to even care. "It was worth it. You are amazing."

"You are too," she smiles and pulls my hair back so I look at her. "What we just did, was amazing," she whispers.

I nod my head, "it was. I felt every little thing insanely intense. And fuck Ana, the way you moved, that was just sick."

She giggles as her hands move my hair back so it doesn't cover my forehead. "I didn't know I could move like that, to be honest. You get those things out of me because you make me feel sexy."

I can tell she is shy about telling me this, but I'm glad she does. I want her to feel the way that I see her. Sexy and confident.

"You are sexy, Ana. And gorgeous, and sweet, and caring. You are everything."

"You have to say that because you are my husband," she giggles, her hands massaging my scalp.

I shake my head, "I say it because I mean it and because it's true. It's what I see when I look at you while you are bouncing on my dick and squeezing me like a pro."

"Christian!" Her eyes widen and she hides her face in my neck, shocked by my language I think.

Just like that, shy Ana is back. And I'm glad. I like the idea of her only being a little sex kitten when I give her pleasure.

"Want to clean up or do you want to make the sheets a little dirtier?" I ask when she has moved her face out of my neck again.

She bites her lip and looks down for just a second, making my dick bump in approval as if he wants to let her know he is ready for another round.

"Let's make them a little dirtier, I want to feel you again," she moves her nose around mine, "I think I'm even more addicted now that I'm only feeling you."

A huge smile appears on my face as I roll us over and move between her legs, my dick already eager to feel her again, even though we're both one sticky mess.

"Me too," I kiss her once, "and it's my mission to put a baby inside you now, so we need to do this a lot."

Her giggle fills the room and it's, without doubt, the best thing I've ever heard. It overpowers everything, even the sexy little moans she made just seconds ago.

"You are so beautiful when you giggle," I murmur as I slide into her slowly, making her giggle fade into a moan, "I will make you giggle like that until the day I die, Ana."

She doesn't respond. She just moves her arms around my neck again and pulls my mouth onto hers where she gives me the slowest, sexy kiss ever.

My tempo takes on the tempo of her kisses until we are completely in sync and completely one.

"I love how you love me," she whispers before kissing me again.

It's the biggest compliment she could ever give me. And as her husband, I'll make sure to keep loving her just like this, until my lungs give out.

My Ana. My first love. My lost love. My wife. How I love her.


	57. Chapter 57

**A/N: I'm back from a very, very warm Greece, and I had an amazing time! Sea, sun, my love, and my kids, it was great and I'm well rested. And, I had time to finish Stronger!**

**It has been an emotional ride. All your reactions, feedback, and encouragements to this story and to the subject of self-harm warmed my heart. I'm so happy that you were all open-minded to this subject and it means so much to me. I can't thank you enough.**

**As promised, I'm posting everything now, with the exception of the last three or four chapters. I have already written them, but they still need editing and I want to make them perfect, so they will be here tomorrow of the day after that!**

**I hope it all meets the expectations. Again, thank you to all of my readers, let me know what you think, and as always; Enjoy! X**

Chapter 57: Shiny, happy people.

"Oh my Gawd," José gasps over dramatic the moment I show him and Mandy both of our hands, "white gold and diamonds? They better be real diamonds, Mr. Christian!"

He is clapping his hands while he is practically bouncing on his seat. Mandy, who is holding her phone in front of them, has trouble keeping it steady with the energetic bomb next to her. She has a huge smile on her face though, probably because of the news I just shared with them.

"Congratulations both of you!" Mandy smiles when José has toned down a bit, "God, not going to lie; it is hard to keep up with both of you. How did you two decide to get married suddenly?"

I love Mandy. Even though I can see she is truly happy for us, she also asks questions any other normal person would ask. She is, without doubt, the most realistic person that I know and I admire that quality of her, it keeps me grounded.

"We lost so much time, Mannie. It just feels right. I want to make up for all the time we've lost," I smile as I look at Christian, who is standing behind me with his hands on my belly.

After we made love repeatedly, we had a shower and we didn't bother getting dressed, so we are wearing robes. It's almost nine and while we are waiting for our dinner, we decided to call José and Mandy.

Mandy nods her head, "I can understand that. Ten years is a long time."

"You have no idea," Christian's arms tighten around me as he groans. I can tell that every time the ten years are mentioned, he thinks about his dad, who now suddenly isn't his dad anymore, and how he kept us apart.

"But what about your bachelorette, Angie?" José gasps suddenly, eyes wide and perfectly manicured hand in front of his mouth to hide the 'o'.

I should've known.

"Well, that isn't necessary anymore," I giggle in hopes José will just let it go, "we can just celebrate the fact that we got married once we're back home. Besides, you know I hate bachelorette parties."

When José, Mandy and I fantasized about how our wedding should look like, both of them always talked more about their bachelorette party than about the actual wedding. Apparently, that is a big thing and like always, I once again was the outsider.

I just don't get that you need a party to celebrate you're single while you choose to get married and be with him or her for the rest of your life. People probably do it because they want to relive their wild past one more time which is another reason why it never appealed to me; I don't really have a wild past to relive.

"We will definitely celebrate!" Mandy claps her hands as José nods in agreement. I can already see the wheels in his head turning on full speed. He is thinking of ways to celebrate.

"Okay, I want details," José says suddenly, again out of the blue, "what did you two lovebirds wear on your wedding day and where did you say I do?"

As I give José and Mandy all the details about our ceremony, Christian is holding me against him while he looks at me, his expression soft and with a small smile on his face. Every now and then he rubs his nose against my cheek. I can tell he loves to hear me talk about this just as much as I love talking about it.

By the time I'm done, Mandy and José are so impressed, they don't really know what to say. They are speechless and it makes me feel very proud. It takes a lot to get them to shut up.

"Wow," Mandy is the first one to react, "that's pretty much as romantic as it gets, isn't it? I'm almost crying just hearing you talk about it. Damn it, I'm going to be a mess when you show us the film."

I giggle as I watch José fan his face while he nods his head. "I'm so happy for you, Ana. You deserve to be treated like a princess. Good job, Christian."

"Thanks," Christian chuckles, obviously enjoying this phone call even though he doesn't really say anything because José, Mandy and I are all too excited.

"Anyway," José says, "since you are wearing robes and Ana looks properly fucked, I assume the marriage is already consumed. So, we'll let you two continue the celebration and we'll talk soon."

My eyes widen and my cheeks heat up. Oh my God, José really does not have a filter. Or shame. He isn't even saying it because it is relevant or because he wants to hang up. I know him, he wants details about that too.

"We definitely will continue," Christian smirks immediately, making me blush even more. "Thanks for being so understanding."

I'm stunned as I watch José clap his hands while he lets out a full belly laugh and Mandy is also giggling. They obviously didn't expect Christian's quick remark, but I'm happy he takes care of this.

"Bye lovebirds, be safe and see you soon," José says when he has stopped laughing, thankfully letting the subject go. He gives us air kisses and Mandy waves at us before they hang up the phone.

"Why is it that José and Mandy are so fascinated with your sex life? Don't they have one of their own?"

I giggle as I hear his serious tone, he has been asking himself this for a while, I can tell. "They have. Well, José for sure. He has a friend with benefits thing going on. Mandy has one night stands. I don't think they are that fascinated though, they just like to tease me."

"Do you mind that? That they tease you?"

"Not really," I say while thinking about it, "it's the way they are and they don't just do it with me. Maybe they do it a little more with me, but that's probably because our story is really something so they just want to know everything, I guess."

"I love our story, the good and the bad shit," he mumbles as he wraps his arms around me tighter before his nose traces my cheek.

"Me too," I sigh, enjoying the contact.

"And I fucking love our sex life," he growls before his teeth find my neck, just under my ear and softly bite into my skin.

It's amazing how the simple things he does to me make my whole body sing. I can feel my heart beat speed up and the butterflies in my lower belly go crazy again, just because he uses his teeth and mouth on my neck. And maybe also because of the delicious things he says, even though they almost always make me blush as well.

When his tongue comes into play, I turn around in his arms, my eyes locking with his. "It's so weird that I have a sex life now."

"Fuck, tell me about it," he chuckles, "I feel like a horny teenager who just had sex for the first time all over again. I can't have you enough. All I think about is being buried deep inside of you."

To give his words more power, his hands move to my behind and squeeze hard while he also pulls me against him more. Even though we are both wearing thick robes, I can still feel him, hard and big.

Christian's hands move to my robe and loosen the knot before he pushes it off my shoulders without bothering to talk any further. His eyes are almost black, telling me that he is seconds from attacking me and just as I prepare to give over, a knock on the door interrupts us.

"Dinner is served," I giggle when I see the murderous expression on his face.

"Don't worry," he smirks before he moves his face level with my breasts and quickly bites my left nipple, making me hiss. "I'll have you as well."

My wide eyes follow him while he moves to the door to let in our food, a shocked expression on my face. Not because he said that, but because of how my body reacts when he bites me. I had no idea that pain could add to the pleasure and it concerns me that I want more of it. More of that Christian.

"Ana?" Christian asks, pulling me out of my thoughts, "move away or put on your robe so I can open the door. I don't want anybody seeing my wife like this. My eyes only."

His wife. God, it sounds so sexy when he says it. I wonder if I'll ever get used to it.

I grab my robe from the floor and put it back on before Christian opens the door. The moment the food is brought in, the delicious smell fills the room and I suddenly realize how hungry I am.

No surprise there, I've burned a lot of calories after all.

"That smells amazing," I say when the waiter is gone and it's just the two of us again.

We've ordered a little bit of everything and by the lack of a wedding cake, we made sure every dessert they make was brought in. I'm seriously thinking about skipping dinner and move straight to all the sweetness.

We take a seat on the ground, next to the bed and in front of the balcony doors. Christian makes sure we both have a drink while I grab some of the food and put it in front of us on the ground. This is just like the first time we spend the night together. The same room and the same view, only now with a ring around my finger. Who would've thought?

"Brings back memories, right?" The sweet smile on his face tells me that he is thinking exactly the same as me.

I nod my head before taking a sip of the wine Christian poured for me. "It does."

"Do you like this wine?"

I take another sip and let it go through my mouth, concentrating on the taste. "It's good," I smile, "but I can't help but notice that I'm suddenly drinking now that I'm spending time with you, Mr. Grey."

"A few glasses won't hurt. We're celebrating, so we're allowed," he smiles before he clinks his glass against mine.

We eat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, just watching the sea and the sunset and enjoying the food. I take the time to think back about today as well. It was truly perfect. The cliff, the ceremony, the rings, and Christian, it was everything I didn't know I wanted. Intimate and pure.

I'm also very relieved that Elliot, Kate, José, and Mandy aren't mad or disappointed that we got married without their knowledge. They all reacted genuinely happy for us and I couldn't be happier about that but at the same time, I suddenly find myself thinking about the people that don't know about what we did.

Mom and dad.

As much as I hate what they did, they did it because they thought it was best and I don't think I can hate them for it. I will be mad for a little while longer and it will take time to trust them again fully, but they also were there for me and helped me to get better. And now, on what is the most important day of my life, I can't share it with them.

After Italy, I never really thought about marriage since I was too busy missing Christian, but when I was a little girl, I dreamed about my dream wedding. I don't remember every detail, but I do remember that I always saw mom and dad with me.

I don't have any regrets and I am one hundred percent sure that this is how it was supposed to be. Just me and Christian, on the cliff that means a lot to us, but it would've been nice if things were different and I could share the news with mom and dad.

"What are you thinking about?"

For a moment I hesitate. If I tell him, would it ruin his good mood? The last time I told him I understood my parents, he didn't really take it well and I really don't want that reaction now, on our wedding night but I also don't want to lie.

"I was thinking about my mom and dad," I tell him while watching his reaction carefully.

To my surprise, he nods his head and moves closer to me to wrap an arm around me. He also kisses the top of my head as he holds me close for a moment.

"Did you miss them today?"

I immediately shake my head, "no!" I start, "it was perfect. Just you and me, it was how it should've been. Just us. I was just thinking about how I wished things were different so I could've called them now and share the news."

I feel him nod his head against my own. "You can call them if you want to."

"That's the thing though," I frown, "I'm not sure if I want to, right now at least. It's confusing."

He pulls me even closer against him and lifts my chin with his hand so he can kiss me. "I know. Just give it time."

"What about you?" I carefully ask. He hasn't talked much about it since we're in Italy.

"Did I miss someone today?" He jokes, full well knowing what I mean. "Bobby, I missed him. He could've carried the rings."

Before we went to the airport, we went to Elliot and Kate to drop off Bobby. Ava was over the moon when she found out that Bobby was going to stay over for two weeks while we were in Italy.

"Oh my God, we completely forgot to ask about Bobby!" I suddenly realize that we spoke to Elliot and Kate without even asking how Bobby was doing.

Christian just chuckles, "trust me, he doesn't think about us. Ava is spoiling him rotten. The boy has just as much vacation as we do. Ava always gives him half of her dinner. It's like they have a pact. She has to eat less and he can eat all he wants. When we get him back, he'll probably need to go on a diet."

I smile at the thought of Bobby and Ava teaming up and briefly wonder how our child would be with Bobby. I bet he would be a very protective dog, judging by how he comes close to me sometimes when Christian is angry.

"I didn't miss anyone today," Christian mumbles against my head after a few minutes of silence. "I had you with me, and that is all that matters to me. The last persons I wanted there, are my parents."

I can feel him tense while he speaks and I immediately sense that he still is very taken by the whole thing. I understand it completely since it is a life-changing thing.

"I don't think I'll ever have contact with him again, Ana. Not after everything he did. It isn't just about him not being my biological father, I could've handled that if he'd been a real father to me my whole life, but he wasn't. He was never there when I needed him and he treated me like shit. I can't forgive him that."

I nod my head and pull him more against me. I understand him. After what he told me about him, how Carrick reacted when he saw we were together and the fact that he lied, I wouldn't forgive him either. I just hope that he thought about this properly.

"I feel relieved that he isn't my father, to be honest," he starts as if he reads my mind. "Years I have been asking myself why I don't think the same as my dad and why we have such a different way of living, and now it all seems to make sense. I don't share anything with him, except his last name. No blood, no DNA. I'm actually happy about that."

"And your mom?" I ask.

He sighs and loosens his grip so he can look at me. "Mom needs to explain things. And it will take a lot of time and talking. I never expected her to lie about something like this. Hell, I never expected this, so she needs to step up her game. She let it all happen, you know?"

I nod, "I know. But maybe there is a reason for that as well? I mean, it couldn't have been easy for her to always be alone. Why would she settle for that?"

"I don't know, baby," he pulls away completely and walks over to the cart with food, "but I don't want to think about this now. I want to focus on us, we'll see what happens when we are back home."

I feel like we need to talk more about this subject, especially because he promised Elliot to talk to his parents together at least one more time when we return, but since Christian's mood really changes when we talk about it, I'll let it go for now.

"Today was fucking perfect, Ana. I wouldn't change anything if I had the chance," he reassures me one more time, placing a kiss on my forehead before filling his plate again with all the delicious food we ordered.

"It was perfect." I smile and follow in filling my plate, only with desserts.

After twenty minutes, we're both very full. I feel like we ate way too fast for no reason at all and now we are both having trouble moving.

"I'm so full," I complain while leaning against Christian.

"Yeah," is all he mumbles, obviously too full to even talk.

"I can't even move," I giggle while I feel myself leaning against Christian more and more like I'm suddenly too heavy for my muscles.

"Yeah."

"It was the perfect wedding dinner though," I say when I realize that Christian isn't going to speak, outside of the one-word sentences.

"Yeah."

"Are you going to say anything else?" I chuckle and move my head so I'm looking at his face. His expression is completely and utterly happy, almost serene. He really loves food.

"Yeah," he smirks, "I know you've said that you didn't want to leave the room until we'll leave, but how do you feel about going out for a little bit? Maybe walk on the beach, just like the last time we were here and you ate too much?"

His eyes are shining as he recalls the memory of our walk on the beach during the sunset ten years ago. That night, he gave me my first kiss. It's one of the most special memories I have from that vacation and the fact that he remembers it as well makes me very happy.

"I think that's a good idea."

* * *

We are walking on the beach for a while now and it really does wonders for a full stomach. The light breeze in my hair and feeling the sea on my feet gives me a feeling of peace. Christian's hand in mine and the kisses he leaves on my head and hand now and then, make it perfect.

We have left the private beach area of the hotel a few minutes ago, and we are now walking on a beach where there is no light. The only light is coming from the moon and all though I would've been scared if I was here alone, I feel completely at ease walking here with Christian.

"This is nice," Christian smiles. He has stopped walking and has pulled me in front of him, his arms around me. We are facing the sea which looks almost blue-black and it has a fairy tale like look.

"You know, I've heard that swimming also helps against the stuffed feeling."

My eyes widen slightly as I hear the tone he uses. Is he seriously suggesting that we're going swimming right now? While the sea is almost black?

"Is that so?" I mumble, enjoying the way his nose rubs against my cheek.

"Mhmmn," he kisses my cheek, "want to find out if it's true?"

His hands play with the hem of my shirt. He can hardly wait to take it off which means he is deadly serious. The fact that the thought of swimming right now excites me, even though we don't have any proper swimming clothes on, once again shows that this man wakens things inside me that I didn't even know existed. He truly gives me so much more confidence.

"I don't have anything to wear," I mumble while trying really hard not to focus on his hands which have now found their way under my shirt.

"Me neither," he whispers in my ear, his mouth gazing my lobe, "but luckily for us, it's dark here and there isn't anyone around. Have you ever skinny dipped, Mrs. Grey?"

I snort at the thought of Anastasia Steele skinny dipping. On her own. Without friends. Right.

"No. You?"

"No, it would be a first for me too."

I look around once again to check our surroundings. There isn't anyone on this beach, and it is very dark. Even if there would walk people on this beach while we are in the sea, they wouldn't be able to see anything, let alone that we are not wearing anything.

The only thing that is concerning me a bit, is the fact that because it is so dark, you don't see anything. And by anything I mean in the water. I would freak out if I feel something swimming around my leg and not being able to see what it is.

"What's stopping you, baby?"

He turns me around so I'm facing him, his hands stroking my sides. The excitement in his eyes makes it hard for me to give him any reason why we shouldn't do it.

"What if I feel something against my legs? Like a fish or something?"

The moment I say it, Christian laughs out loud. "Yeah, well, that would not be weird considering you're swimming in the ocean. Fish live there, you know."

I roll my eyes, trying really hard not to laugh as well. "I know that! I just like to be able to see them so I can see if it's a big one."

"I tell you what," he says, smirk still on his face as he pulls me closer, "you can wrap your legs around me, so all you feel is me. I'll protect you from all the fish, big or small."

"Okay," I instantly say, way too eager and suddenly not afraid anymore. I like the idea of Christian carrying me through the sea while naked way too much.

"That was easy," he laughs before he pulls his shirt over his head. "Lose the clothes, Mrs. Grey."

Without even looking around to see if there aren't any other people around, he pulls down his shorts and boxers before he turns around and walks into the sea, slowly, giving me an amazing view on his backside. The moon lights him perfectly and I'm practically drooling as I see his muscles flex when the cold water hits his skin.

That is my husband. Holy shit.

When the water has reached his waist, he turns around to see if I have followed him already but he finds me staring at him, clothes still on.

"Are you coming or what?"

I nod my head and look around to see if we are still alone. When I don't see anyone, I get out of my clothes as fast as I can before getting into the water as well.

The cold water hits my skin and makes me shiver. It's definitely not as warm as it is during the day and I can't wait to wrap myself around Christian to warm up a little bit.

By the time I reach him and have wrapped my arms and legs around him, my teeth are clattering and my whole body is covered in goosebumps.

"Cold?" He whispers as he walks into the sea further.

I nod my head, my whole body shaking. It's not just that I'm cold though, I'm also a bit nervous and the fact that I'm feeling Christian's naked body flush against mine, makes me shiver as well. It's just everything at once, I think.

"You look beautiful in this light," he whispers, his forehead against mine and his arms tight around my waist as he slowly moves through the water.

I move my nose against his, a smile on my face. He never fails to make me feel special.

"You too," I whisper, "I couldn't stop looking at you when you walked into the sea."

His sweet, shy smile makes it impossible not to kiss him. So, I pull him closer, my hands in his hair, and crash my lips against his. As always, he responds with enthusiasm, his hands moving down to my behind to pull me against him even more.

The kisses we share are sweet but desperate, and it doesn't take long for me to not feel cold anymore. I can feel him in between my legs, rubbing against me in a tortures slow way as his mouth trails over my chin to my neck to suck on my pulse point.

The moment I feel his teeth graze my skin, a moan escapes my lips. His biting is going to kill me. How can his teeth turn me on this much?

"You like that, don't you? Me marking your skin?" Right after his question is out, he bites my shoulder and it sends a shock straight down. Amazing.

"Yes," I moan, arching my back in hopes the friction of my nipples against his chest will give some relief. I feel so tense and worked up, it is insane. As if I haven't had sex in years.

Knowing what I need, Christian hoists me up a little more so my breasts are peeking out of the water. Without any warning, he sucks my left nipple into his mouth and just a second later, he bites. Not hard, but not soft either, just perfect.

"So good," I moan while holding his head into place, my fingers tangled in his hair.

I don't care if anyone sees us, I want him. The cold water against my skin combined with the heat of Christian's body and the things he is doing to me, drive me crazy.

"Will you let me inside? Right here, right now?" He mumbles against my breast, his voice is soft yet erotic as hell.

"I can't," I pant, hardly able to get out a normal sentence, "tampon."

"Fuck," he curses while he slowly lowers me into the sea again until our eyes meet.

"Sorry," I whisper completely out of breath.

He shakes his head, "don't be. I forgot."

I can feel him throbbing against me, and without saying anything, I move my hand down over his chest and abs until I reach him. When I wrap my hand around him, he hisses and crashes his mouth against me.

I move my hand up and down slowly but with strength. His kisses turn more chaotic with the second, letting me know that he enjoys what I'm doing. To give him more pleasure, I start rubbing his tip against me, through my folds so it gives me pleasure as well.

"Fuck, baby," he says against my lips, "so good. Don't stop."

I continue for a few minutes, stroking him against me while he kisses me fiercely. When I feel myself getting closer, he suddenly grabs my hand and brings it around his neck again.

After that, I feel both of his hands on my hips, moving me against him. "Like this, Ana," he pants, "rub your pussy against me, come on. Make us come."

I move my hips just like he says, up and down, his shaft through my folds. We are so close, I feel glued to him. I'm building rapidly and I can tell he is close as well.

"Come, Ana. Now," he growls before he sucks my lower lip into his mouth and bites.

On command, I come, my whole body shaking as I moan and pull his hair to make sure his teeth stay in contact with my lip. I can't lose his feeling. Not yet.

As I slowly move against him to ride out my orgasm, I feel him tense and shudder as well, indicating that he also found his release. His teeth are slowly replaced by his lips and he softly kisses me, gently, soothing the burn.

"I'm a lucky son of a bitch," he mumbles when he has come down from his high, making me giggle.

"The luckiest, Mr. Grey," I smile against his lips.

"The luckiest, Mrs. Grey."


	58. Chapter 58

Chapter 58: Feels like drowning.

For the last hour and a half, Ana and I have been floating on the ocean, the sun shining brightly, making it almost too warm but the fact that we can jump into the sea whenever we feel like it, makes it bearable.

After we spend five days in our hotel room like my wife requested, we figured that we needed to leave for a day so they can clean our room. I came to the conclusion that the days are long when you can only spend them in a hotel room, even if your hot, willing wife is right there with you.

The majority of those five days, I have to spend buried deep inside Ana. There isn't a spot in the room that we haven't christened, including the balcony which was, to my surprise, Ana's idea. She is so much more confident when it comes to sex, and I love it.

This morning, that confidence led to her telling me that she was feeling very sore and that it might be a good idea to do something other than each other today and like the good husband I am, I immediately started planning.

When we arrived and checked in at the reception, I saw an advertisement about renting a boat. The add promised that you could visit all the small, distant beaches that are only accessible with a boat. I figured that something like that would be perfect for Ana and me during this vacation. Just us on an empty beach.

So that is the reason I'm now sitting behind the wheel of an Olympic 490 cc while slowly steering it to the next beach, with Ana lying on her belly on the comfortable pillows in front of me. Her hair is draped over her left shoulder, showing me her shoulder blades perfectly and she is watching the sea with her hand under her chin, one leg bent at her knee and popped up in the air.

And I need to focus on where we're going. Christ.

"Can we stop here for a moment? I need to get into the water for a second." Ana moves up and faces me.

"Sure," I nod. I'm very warm myself as well. Open water and full sun isn't the best combination.

I let down the anchor and turn off the engine before taking off my shirt. When I look up again, I'm just in time to see Ana diving off the boat.

I walk to the side of the boat and see her come up, looking like a true movie star. Her hair all the way back, and not even rubbing her eyes to get rid of the water. Her blue eyes immediately meet mine without blinking and a small smile plays on her face.

I waste no time and dive into the blue water as well, no doubt less gracious than Ana did moments ago, but I don't care. I can't wait to wrap my arms around her and enjoy the sea together.

These past days have been amazing. To be able to hug her, touch her and kiss her whenever I want, feels too good to describe. It's something simple, but for me and her, it's as valuable as anything. Years I have dreamed about being able to give her a hug or a kiss, without being able to actually do it. It is such a huge relief that she is within reach now, near me.

It isn't just about the physical contact though, it's also the ability to talk to her about what I'm feeling. To make her giggle by saying something incredibly stupid or to just talk about whatever is on my mind. It's new, yet so much more than being in love.

"Isn't this nice?" She smiles when I've reached her, "it is really hot on that boat."

"It is, the sun is burning pretty good," I agree while looking up. There is no cloud to be seen, and since it is almost one, the sun is at his highest point and because of it insanely hot.

"It's beautiful here. So quiet," Ana whispers as she looks around to take in her surroundings.

It is a very peaceful place. Just the sea, the rocks and us. It's silent and it feels unique to be here.

"It is. I feel like we are the only two people in the world right now."

Her eyes find mine, a sweet smile on her face and her cheeks pink because of the sun. "Right now, we are."

I smile and pull her close, her arms finding a way around my neck as our bodies move flush against each other. If I could stand, I would've pulled her legs around me but since it's way too deep here, I'll settle for this.

"One week down, one week to go," she mumbles, her forehead against mine, "why does time go this fast while the past ten years felt like a lifetime?"

"I know," I sigh, "I don't want to go back either. I hate that when we are back, all the drama returns as well."

Her soft hands stroke my neck and scalp as she gives me soft kisses. We shouldn't talk about the end of our vacation while we have a whole week ahead of us, but I do think about it a lot.

When we come home, Elliot and I will have to go back to mom and dad. And Mia. With all the chaos going on, I sometimes forget about Mia, but she needs to know as well and that will have a whole different impact.

Mia is the little princess. Not just in dad's eyes, but also for Elliot and me. We've always protected her against everything, even when she was getting older and started to get tired of it.

I think she always saw that dad was different with me and Elliot, but she never commented on it or asked questions. She just made sure that our bond was good and even though we don't hang out as often as I do with Elliot, I know she's there, just like I am there for her.

Which is why it is so important for me to let her know that this whole thing doesn't mean anything for our bond. She'll stay my little sister, no matter what.

"You are thinking about it again, aren't you?" Her soft voice pulls me out of my thoughts and it's welcomed. I should let it go until we're back home.

"It's hard not to think about it, I guess. It's basically my life at home now."

Her hands move to my cheeks, her nose inches from mine. "It maybe is a part of your life, but I'm there as well. I'm leaving with you in a week and we will go to our home, where we start our happily ever after. All the other things are just small details," she states, her expression serious. It overwhelms me and warms my heart.

"Fuck, baby. You have no idea how much I need your little pep talks," I close my eyes to concentrate on feeling her close, "thank you."

"Wife's duty, Christian. You don't ever have to thank me for pepping you up. It's what I'm here for."

By lack of words, I let my mouth tell her how much it means to me to hear her say these things. Her soft lips against mine and her arms around me is really all I need. As long as I have that, I know everything else will be okay.

We swim around for another fifteen minutes before we get back to the boat and resume to the next beach. It's one of those days where nothing is forced and everything is relaxed and I feel like it gives me the energy to face everything when I'm back home. With Ana.

For now, we are both lying in the sun on the pillows. The boat is slightly moving up and down because of the waves, and it works as a lullaby. I'm seconds away from falling asleep when I feel Ana move away from my side, making me look up to see what she is doing.

"Do you want a sandwich?" She asks while she goes through the bag she brought along.

"Yes please," I smile, also sitting up.

First, she gets out two packages with the sandwiches, and after that, she also grabs a bottle of water from the bag. Then, she throws my phone on the pillows next to me.

"It's buzzing," she smiles as she sits next to me again, grabbing her sandwich as she does. She must be hungry.

Before I also grab my sandwich, I decide to look at my phone. I feel like I haven't looked at my phone in ages. The only reason I had to look at it was to check the time, and that only happened a few times since Ana and I needed to know the time to see when we could order room service.

"Jesus Christ," I mumble as I stare at my phone, shocked. Thirty-three missed calls, an equal amount of voicemails and even more texts.

"What's wrong?" Ana mumbles, her mouth full with her sandwich and her eyes curious.

"Elliot, Kate, and Mia have tried to call me for over an hour," I frown. What the hell is going on?

"That's weird," Ana says as she moves closer to me to look at the screen as well, almost as if she is checking if I'm not overreacting.

"Yeah."

"Do you think it has something to do with the situation back home?" She softly asks after a short silence, voicing what we're both thinking.

It probably has. I can't think of any other reason why the three of them would call me this much, at the same time. Especially since Ell and Kate know that we are in Italy.

"I'll call Elliot," I tell Ana.

I don't have the change though, because the moment the words leave my mouth, my phone goes off again, brightly flashing Elliot's name.

Here we go.

"Hi, Ell," I say, knowing that I don't need to say anything else because he will start talking as soon as he hears my voice. Even in Goddamn Italy, the shit follows us.

"Sorry to stalk you, Chris," he starts, his voice rushed, "we have a problem."

"I figured," I roll my eyes and put him on speaker so Ana hears the conversation. I have a feeling that I don't want to repeat everything to tell her once we hang up.

"Mia drove over to my house, upset as fuck. In the middle of the fucking night, I might add. She barely could tell us what happened, but after asking questions, Kate managed to figure it out. Mom threw dad out. Like in the middle of the fucking night."

"What the fuck?!"

Gone is the relaxed feeling. Jesus, can it ever be just normal?

"Yeah," Elliot agrees, "Mia said that they have been arguing about shit she couldn't figure out. Dad drank a lot, he was completely wasted and mom got pissed even more. And then, around eleven or so, mom was done and literally gave him his suitcase and threw him out of the house while cursing in every language available."

"Of course, Mia demanded answers after that, and of course, mom had to tell her after what she'd just saw. She knows, Chris. She knows and she is completely confused and mad at the whole world, including you and me. She threw a huge fit when she came over after she'd drove for hours while she could barely see because of the tears. Ava was completely in tears as I tried to calm Mia. Fucking chaos. She thinks that we knew all along and that she was the only one who didn't know about it. She didn't even let me explain what really happened. She thinks it's all about her which isn't really a surprise, but still. I've never seen her like this, man. She is furious."

"What does mom say?" I try to stay calm and focussed. Mia is a drama queen and I'm fucking pissed that she drove all the way to Bellevue while being out of her mind, sure she will calm down after a few hours and I'm glad that she is near Ell when she does. I feel bad for Ell and Kate though. And for Ava. Poor kid.

"Mom says she is done with dad. She didn't want to say why, but it obviously has something to do with what happened. I have no idea where the fucker is, he grabbed his suitcase and went. He is probably drowning himself in alcohol somewhere. Seriously, Christian, what the hell is wrong with the people we call our family, blood-related or not? Do they even fucking know what that word means?!"

I can tell Elliot is frustrated. He also has no idea what to do with the situation. He never was the one that thought things through, he just took action. And I bet he doesn't want to do that now because he knows it won't end well.

"Fuck, I don't know," I rub my eyes while I feel Ana's hand on my shoulder, tapping me to get my attention.

"One sec, Ell," I tell him before muting my phone so I can listen to Ana.

"We should go back," she says, determined. "Your family needs you. Elliot can't do this alone and Mia feels betrayed and hurt. You need to be there for them. The three of you are stronger when you are together."

The moment Elliot told me mom threw dad out, I knew that we needed to go back. I know I can't let them do this on their own and I know they need me. This whole shit started because of dad and me, and I should explain it to Mia as well. It just pisses me the fuck off that every time Ana and I are starting to look up, something or someone comes along to throw us off that precious, happy cliff.

"You sure?" I ask her, for some reason hoping that she gives me one good reason to stay here, on this boat with no one around.

"Very," she nods, no doubt in her answer. And I love her for it.

She cares about my family, simply because she cares about me. She wants everything to be okay back home, and she will help me get to that point.

"You amaze me, Ana," I mumble before kissing her lips and getting back to Elliot on the phone.

"We'll come back," I tell him, "we just have to fix a flight and shit, so I don't know how long it will take. I'll keep you posted."

I feel Ana rub my back while she kisses my shoulder, silently encouraging me and telling me that I'm doing the right thing. I only have to believe her.

"Thanks, man," Elliot says, relieved. "I have no idea what to do. Sorry I called."

"It's okay, I'll get going. We'll talk later."

"Okay, let me know. I can pick you up from the airport, I'm awake anyway."

"Cool," I tell him, watching Ana as she pulls her shirt over her head and packs our things, ready to get going. "And Ell, stay calm."

"I will. Laters."

"Bye," I say and hang up the phone, suddenly feeling angry and numb at the same time.

I fucking knew this vacation was too good to be true.

I stay seated on the pillows while I watch Ana pack our bag and fold the towels, determined to get this boat trip over with sooner than later.

"Can you come here for a second?" I can hear so many emotions in my voice, I'm not even sure which one is taking the upper hand.

Ana comes closer without asking any further questions and places herself on my lap, legs on either side of me. Her arms find their way around my neck immediately and as soon as she is close enough, I bury my face in her neck, breathing in her scent.

Ana, sea, sun. But above all, Ana. My wife.

"It'll be okay," her soft, sweet voice whispers, almost making me believe that indeed everything will be fine once we are back home.

"Stay with me, Ana," I breathe against her skin, "whatever happens, stay with me. Don't leave me alone. Please don't lose me in all the chaos we're about to face."

Out of everything, that is what scares me the most. Losing her. I can't deal with that again, not now that we are together like this. I know she won't leave me again but right now, all I need is to hear her say it, so I can replay it in my head over and over.

"I'll never leave you alone, Christian. We're in this together. I've got your back too, you know." She moves my head back by pulling my hair, her nose running over my lips when my eyes lock with hers. "Are we telling them what we did or should we take off the rings?"

"Never," I practically groan, "that ring will never leave my finger, Ana. And your ring will stay on yours until you die as well."

I'll proudly wear my ring and tell everybody what we did without a trace of shame. I'm proud that I'm finally her husband, and there is no way in hell I will hide that from anyone.

"Besides," I whisper, "the chaos isn't complete without a shotgun wedding."

My attempt to make her laugh works and her giggle makes me feel better. I live for her giggle.

"A shotgun wedding is when you got a girl pregnant and her father is forcing you to marry her with a gun on your head," she says when she has stopped laughing.

"At least we do that in the right order then, don't we?" I smile and place my hand in between us, on her belly. "That's something your father can't hold against me."

Fuck, I hope she'll carry my baby soon. I can't wait to see her pregnant and now that we decided it's what we want, I'm an impatient mother fucker.

She nods her head, a smile still on her face that lets me know she understands I'm joking. "You're a man of honor, Mr. Grey."

I take a deep breath, "ready to go back and shock the hell out of everyone?"

She nods her head, almost excited. "Ready for everything."

"I love you, Ana. This was the best week of my life."

Her lips find mine and give me a short kiss before she pulls away again. "I love you. Thank you for marrying me, you made it unforgettable."

She moved off my lap and stands in front of me, ready to call it a day. "Now, bring us home."

Home. I wish it would feel good for once to go back home.


	59. Chapter 59

Chapter 59: Lost and found.

It's been twenty-eight hours since Elliot called me and told me about all the shit that's going on. It's seven in the morning local time, and Ana and I are now finally waiting for our luggage at Sea-Tac. We haven't slept since the call, we are completely jet-lagged and I swear our suitcases are the last to get out of the plane, which is really no surprise since everything is fucked up so why not that as well?

We are sitting next to the luggage belt, Ana her head resting on my shoulder. She has slept during the flight a little bit but she is still exhausted. I couldn't seem to find sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I started seeing a drunk so called dad, a pissed off, cursing mom, a hurt Mia, and a desperate Elliot. And now we can add a zombie by lack of sleep to the picture as well.

"What if they lost our suitcases?" Ana's sleepy voice comes from beside me, clearly more asleep than awake.

"I'll tear down the fucking airport if that's the case."

It would be the fucking icing on the cake. I'm seriously done. I want to get my shit, get to Elliot and fix the other shit before I can head home and get into bed with my wife. To sleep, Goddamnit.

"Easy," Ana says as her hand finds my arm, obviously feeling the aggressive tension radiating from my body. "I'll go ask them, okay?" She nods her head to one of the information desks to our right.

I nod my head, not even bothering to tag along. I already know that they're going to say. We have to be patient for another hour before they will take action and search for our suitcases. I wouldn't be surprised if, in the end, they'll tell us that our shit was forgotten in Italy.

I watch Ana walk to the desk where a guy about my age with blond hair and blue eyes is standing. The moment he sees that Ana is marching to him, his expression changes into one my eighteen-year-old self knows way too well. He is practically fucking her with his eyes, completely ignoring the fact that Ana has been sitting next to me for the last fifty-five minutes while resting her head on my shoulder and ever so often kissing me lovingly.

The fucking dickhead got some balls.

I'm on my feet and before he has a chance to even greet her, I'm standing beside her, my arm protectively dropped over Ana's shoulder and making sure he has a clear few on my wedding band. My eyes are daring him to do what he was about to do, hoping he has the guts.

It would make my fucking day.

I can feel Ana's eyes on me, her eyebrow probably raised while she rolls her eyes, but my focus is on the blonde asshole who still can't seem to tear his eyes off my wife, even though he really tries because I'm standing next to her and my expression tells him he is not certain of his own life if he doesn't stop the gawking.

"Hello," Ana's greets him with a smile on her face after she has given me an elbow, "we've been waiting for our suitcases for a while now, and I was wondering if you maybe can see if they already left the plane?"

"Asap. Pronto. Now." I add when his eyes meet mind only briefly before they go back to Ana. It's like they're glued on her.

I can't really blame him because even after not sleeping for over twenty-four hours, she looks spectacular. She has a tan, she is wearing her glasses, her hair is up in a bun but some strings have fallen out of it and she is wearing a long, baby blue dress with a leather jacket. Dorky, sexy and gorgeous. And even though she is exhausted, her smile still lights the whole fucking airport. She is amazing and I can't look away either.

But she is mine, so the blonde freak needs to back the fuck off.

He manages to nod his head and mumble an apology for the inconvenience before he asks, "may I have your flight number, please?"

"AA 6372. We came from Rome, Italy, and we had a transfer in Frankfurt, Germany," Ana politely answers, obviously oblivious to the fact that he is drooling.

Blonde Asshole nods his head and for the first time since Ana walked up to him, he looks at his laptop before typing something in. The moment I see his frown appear, I can tell he is not going to make us happy.

"All the luggage has been transported to the luggage belt. Are you sure you were standing at the right belt? Number 24?"

"Yes," I growl before Ana can answer, "we were at 24."

I'm losing my patience.

His face pales when he hears my tone and his eyes don't dare to travel back to Ana. Good. One problem solved.

"You can wait to see if your suitcases have been delayed during their way to the belt," he hesitantly says as if he knows it will piss me off more, "or you can go to the desk that is responsible for the transport of your luggage. It's Swissport and their desk is near luggage belt 12."

"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

Fuck, why the hell is this all happening now? I can't fucking deal with all this shit right now.

"Is there any other way? We are kind of in a hurry," Ana says, still calm as fuck while she rubs my back in an attempt to calm me too.

The fucker's eyes go from Ana to me and back to Ana again, as if he is thinking about how he can say the next thing in a positive way even though it isn't positive at all. "You can also contact Swissport by phone, but that would mean that you won't have your luggage back now."

Ana sighs and then turns to me, her hands on my shoulders to get my attention away from the blond fucker who I'm almost murdering with my eyes. I really have no patience left in me.

"I'm okay with going home," she begins when my eyes find hers. "Everything important is in my purse, we're both tired and I bet Elliot is already waiting for us. Let's just call them and let then send our suitcases to us."

"Fucking disaster," I mumble while rubbing my eyes. I fucking wish I was still on that boat with Ana, in our own little world. Everybody seems to fuck me up in this big one.

"I know," Ana whispers, her hands rubbing my arms, "you're tired, and you have a family to go to. Let's just leave it for now."

I nod my head, not even able to say anything else. I know she is right. Of course, she is right. We are exhausted and we can't just go home to get some sleep because my family is going crazy.

"Thank you for the information," Ana says to the blond asshole, who nods with a huge smile on his face like he actually helped us.

"No problem, it's why I'm here for."

I roll my eyes as I watch him, looking like a lovesick puppy, his mouth open and tongue almost hanging out because my wife drives him insane.

"I know, and my husband and I appreciate it. We've had such a long flight and we are a bit exhausted from our honeymoon as well, so thank you very much." Ana sarcastically smiles before taking my hand in hers and pulling me away, a huge grin on my face as I raise my eyebrow at the blond asshole, who is suddenly looking a little green.

Jealousy. My wife is brilliant.

"Stop grinning, Mr. Grey," Ana giggles when she sees my face.

"Can't help it. You're brilliant, Mrs. Grey."

* * *

Elliot was indeed already waiting for us when we came out if the airport, which was good because it meant that we could drive home immediately.

During the drive to Bellevue, Elliot once again told us what happened, the full version this time. He told us that Mia came to his house, and he managed to get her to listen to him. He told her what happened between dad and me, and how I found out that he isn't our biological father.

Needless to say, Mia was shocked, angry and above all sad. She refused to go back home because she is mad at mom as well, so she is staying with Elliot and Kate now. I'm glad that Elliot managed to talk some sense into Mia. It means that we can focus on mom and dad, and the conversation we need to have with them.

Right now, Ana, Kate, Mia, Elliot and I are sitting in the living room at Elliot and Kates, discussing the next move we're going to make. Ava is staying with her friend who lives next door, and thank fuck for that because of course, like anything else this past twenty-four hours, the whole conversation doesn't go smooth, at all.

"But how can you turn your back to someone who has been there since the day that you were born?" Mia shouts, almost outraged.

Elliot just broke the news that he isn't planning on keeping contact with Carrick. He wants to talk to him one more time, along with mom but after that, he doesn't feel the need to keep in touch with a man that isn't interested in his life.

"That's the whole issue here, Mia," Elliot starts, hands in his hair out of frustration because Mia doesn't seem to get it, "he wasn't there. He wasn't fucking there."

"He was when grams and gramps died," she counters immediately, referring to the only time in my life when I've seen Carrick fulfill his father role somewhat.

"Are you seriously going to tell me that you've been that fucking blind all along, Mia?" Elliot growls, "he was never there for Christian and me. Not in the perfect father way he was there for you. He isn't my father, not in blood and not in life. He never was."

"Are you seriously blaming me now because he was there for me and not for you?" Mia snaps, once again focusing way too much on herself.

"Jesus Christ, Mia. No. Fuck, I'm just saying that he was a shitty fucking dad to me. Not everything is about you."

"Yeah, that much is clear. It isn't about me. Not at all in fact because I was left out. In all of it!"

I feel Ana, who is sitting beside me, grab my hand. When I look at her, I see that she is begging me with her eyes to interrupt the discussion, but I shake my head. They need to blow off steam.

"Because Christian and I wanted to talk to you together when he was back from Italy. Excuse us for needing time to process the fact that our father suddenly isn't our REAL father. Now stop being such a spoiled little bitch and act like an adult."

Elliot is pissed. Really pissed. I haven't seen him like this in years. Mia really needs to stop right now, or else he will end up leaving us. I know he will, I'm just like him and that thought soothes me somewhat. I guess we got that from mom.

Mia knows she needs to stop as well because silence fills the room while everybody just sits and stares in front of them. We don't talk and once again let everything sink in.

Ana's hand is resting on my arm, her nails slowly drawing figures in my skin. It works calming and I once again thank the Gods that I've got her back in my life. She is my healing balm.

After a few minutes, Mia sighs and stands from the couch before she starts pacing through the living room. "And what about you?" She asks while looking at me.

I have been quiet, just observing Mia and Elliot and listening intently to their conversation. I'm actually surprised by Mia's reaction to what Elliot said, to be honest. She really acts like she didn't see half of what happened between dad and us.

"I feel the same as Elliot, Mia. Too much has happened. Not just everything he did while we grew up, he also made sure Ana and I couldn't be together. He is not the man you think he is, not to us. He treated you different then he treated us, and at first I thought that was because you weren't a rebel like me, but now it all makes sense. You are his, we aren't. And for him, that was enough reason to treat us like shit. He treated us like shit because he couldn't manage to knock mom up. You know as well as I do that gramps was more of a father to us then Carrick and the fact that you are acting oblivious to it all now frankly just pisses me off."

Again, talking about it makes me see red and I know that this anger towards him will never fade. I can't forgive or forget what he did. He made me feel worthless most of my life, and when I finally felt like I had a purpose, he took that purpose away from me.

"And what about me? Are you two cutting ties with me too because I share blood with him? Because he did gave me the attention that we all deserved?" Mia's soft, trembling voice fills the silent living room and I immediately understand her motives.

It isn't about us keeping contact with Carrick Grey. She is scared she will lose us as well.

"Mia," I sigh while walking to her and wrapping my arms around her, "you will always be our sister. Elliot and I wanted to tell you this ourselves, so we could tell you that it doesn't matter that you are only half our sister now. Nothing has changed between us. This is between Carrick, Elliot and me."

"How can you say that when the decision you two make right now, will affect the whole family? What about mom? What about Ava? What do we do with Christmas and Thanksgiving?"

I can see the wheels inside Mia's head turning, and I have to admit that I haven't thought about all the holidays and how we are going to spend them now, but I do know that I will never be able to sit on a table with him. Not anymore. Not after everything.

"We'll figure it out," I mumble in her hair before kissing the top of her head. "Besides, mom isn't too happy with him right now either, so I've heard."

Mia steps back from my embrace and wipes her tears from her face. "Yeah, well, that was a disaster. She threw him out while he was drunk as shit, suitcase and all."

"Do you know where he is now?" Elliot asks as he also stands and moves his arm over Mia's shoulder.

"No idea. I came straight here after mom told me and I haven't spoken to either of them. What do we do now?"

"As much as I dread it, we need to talk to both of them," Elliot says while looking at me, silently asking me if I had enough time to think everything over.

I nod my head in agreement, even though I doubt I'm ready. I'm not sure how I will react when I see him again, it could go either way.

"Then I guess we need to go to mom. Maybe she knows where dad is," Mia concludes.

I nod my head, which is hurting like a son of a bitch, by the way. I need to sleep. And food. And none of this stress, Goddamnit.

"Before we go to Portland," Kate speaks for the first time since she greeted us, "I think we need to eat something first. I'll make some sandwiches."

Finally, someone that has the same mindset.

"I'll help you," Ana says as she stands up from the couch as well, giving me a small smile when she walks past me. The moment she passes Mia, however, she is stopped in her tracks because her hand is being yanked in the air.

"When were you two going to tell me?" Mia asks while she looks at Ana's ring, inspecting it carefully with a glimmer in her eyes.

Ana's eyes widen and she looks at me, begging me to do the talking.

"What?" I ask before thinking it over properly. I don't know why, but it probably has something to do with trying to keep the peace a little while longer.

"Don't play stupid, Christian," Mia snaps, her eyes still on Ana's ring. If she didn't snap at me, I would think she is actually amused considering the faint smirk that plays her lips. It's barely there, but I notice it. "Do you really think I didn't notice the matching rings you're both wearing the moment you stepped through the door? You never wear jewelry, Christian, let alone a ring."

I decide to rip the band-aid off before Mia is losing her patience and starts another scene. "Ana and I got married while we were in Italy."

To my surprise, she doesn't react at all. She isn't mad, she doesn't look surprised. She just moves her thumb over Ana's ring before she pulls her hand and gives her a hug.

Ana looks just as surprised as I feel, but returns the hug Mia is giving her hesitantly, not really sure what this reaction means.

When Mia pulls back, she walks over to me and wraps her arms around my shoulder as well. Just when I'm about to ask any reaction from her, she speaks and for the first time I've set foot back in the States, I have doubt that this was the right thing to do.

"Just what we needed," Mia whispers, "good luck with telling this one to mom."


	60. Chapter 60

Chapter 60: Mother knows best.

"You came with a whole back-up team," Grace Grey observes the moment she opens the front door. She doesn't look surprised though, she looks exhausted. The dark circles under her eyes and the lack of make-up tell me that she hasn't slept enough.

The last time I saw her, she was all dressed up. Nice clothes, beautiful make-up, and hair in an elegant bun. Right now, nothing is left of that woman. She is wearing grey jogging pants with an oversized sweater, her hair is in a messy ponytail, with a lot of strings around her face and she just looks heartbroken.

And I feel horrible for barging in like this. Especially since this is a family thing and I've just met her once after those ten years.

Even though Christian and Elliot both assured me that I needed to be here, I did try to talk some reason into them and convince them to let me stay home, but they weren't having any of it.

Elliot kept saying that I am family now and that it involves me just as much as it involves them. I don't really agree with that, but his determined tone told me that I wasn't allowed to say no.

When we were about to leave, Christian pulled me aside and begged me to join him because he needed me there. He needs me by his side and he needs my help and I can't refuse him that. I want to be there for him, I promised to be here for him through the good and the bad times.

"Just the people who are involved, mother," Elliot curtly answers as he walks in, pulling Kate with him.

"Mother?" Grace raises her eyebrow in surprise while she steps aside to let us all in. Mia is the only one of her kids that greets her properly with a kiss on her cheek. Elliot and Christian just walk past her and because Christian's hand holds mine firmly as he drags me with him, I don't have the opportunity to greet her other than just a quick nod.

We all walk straight to the giant living room, where we also find evidence that Grace Grey is by no means the same as before everything that happened. There are at least five empty coffee cups on the table, along with an half-empty pizza box and a bottle of liquor. She is not okay.

"Had a party on your own?" Christian grumbles. I can practically hear him roll his eyes and I'm feeling worse and worse for Grace.

"Come on, mom. You knew we were coming here," Mia says as she starts to pick up the coffee cups to take them to the kitchen. I decide to help as well and grab the pizza box to throw it away, following Mia into the kitchen.

"I've never seen her like this," Mia sighs when we arrive in the kitchen, "she always takes care of herself, and now she looks like shit while she knew we were coming. That's not her."

"She probably feels bad about the whole thing and doesn't feel like dressing up. It will get better once you've all talked," I try to encourage, but Mia just shakes her head.

"Even if we talk, it never will be the same. Elliot and Christian don't want anything to do with dad and mom needs to earn their trust all over again. Ava is never going to see her grandfather again and on top of it all, Christian married you while nobody was there. No offense, but mom will be heartbroken."

Even though I won't ever apologize for marrying Christian in Italy, I do understand where Mia is coming from. Everything will change and while me marrying Christian is the least to blame for that, I know my parents will be heartbroken as well.

"It was how it was supposed to be, Mia. Just me and Christian, and I'm not sorry for that," I tell her honestly. "As for the other things, maybe you just need to focus on all the things that won't change for now? Your bond with Christian and Elliot won't change, your bond with Ava will be the same. Listen, you don't want a huge fight or an awkward situation every time your brothers see your father, right? That will be just as worse."

She looks at me for a second before she turns her head away, "it's easy for you to say, you don't know how it was before all this. Everything was fine before you."

She's not lying, I don't know how it was. But she fails to mention whose fault it is that I wasn't there and that doesn't feel right to me. I feel like she is telling me to stay out of it and as much as I want to, I won't. Christian asked me to be here with him.

"From what Christian has told me, it wasn't any better than how it is now," I tell her as I throw the pizza box away, "and trust me, the truth would've come out anyway, with or without me being back in Christian's life."

Without saying anything else, I turn around and walk back to the living room. If I stay with Mia, I have a feeling that I'll end up in a discussion and if that happens, I just know Christian will be out the door as quick as he came.

When I arrive back into the living room, I find everybody seated except for Grace. Christian is in a chair, Elliot and Kate are sitting on the couch, and Grace is still standing.

As I look around to see where I can take my place, Christian's eyes find mine and almost beg me to sit close to him. Without hesitation, I walk over to him and sit on the armrest of his chair, his hand immediately finding mine.

"Does anyone want a drink?" Grace asks when Mia has also returned from the kitchen. She is sitting next to Kate on the couch.

"Let's just get this over with," Ellipt grumbles, "what the hell happened?"

Grace her hand finds her face and as she rubs her eyes, I can tell she is ashamed. She looks fragile and when she walks over to a chair, I can see she is shaking.

"Your father and I are in a very complicated situation," she sighs.

"No shit," Christian mumbles, his hand tightening around mine.

"A complicated situation? What is this, fucking Facebook?" Elliot says, "a little more clear now, mom. What the hell happened?"

"Ell," Kate warns, probably because of his whole demeanor changes and the frustration is radiating from his body.

"We didn't want you to find out like this," Grace starts again, "it was never our intention to hurt or deceive you."

"Was it ever your intention to tell us at all?" Christian asks, he too is frustrated.

The silence tells everybody the answer. Grace looks guilty. She wasn't ever going to tell them, I just know it.

"I don't know," Grace mumbles, "it's all complicated. But we love you. All three of you. I love all three of you equally as much."

"Jesus mom, of course, it is complicated, but we deserve fucking answers. And you can't honestly tell me that you never saw how dad treated us. He doesn't love us. Honestly, I sometimes even doubted if he loves you."

Grace eyes widen slightly as she listens to Christian, who is grabbing me by hand so hard, he almost cuts off the blood circulation. He is furious.

Silence fills the room for a few seconds before I hear Grace soft, heartbreaking voice whisper, "me too."

"Mom," Mia gasps as she stands and walks to her mom to comfort her, "how can you say that? Of course, dad loves you."

"For fuck sakes, Mia," Elliot growls, "will you stop defending him for a second. He isn't the man that you think he is."

"But he isn't the one you think he is either," Mia counters, ready for a huge discussion.

"He isn't the huge asshole that let someone else impregnate his wife because he couldn't do it himself? He isn't the dickhead that treated the two boys that came out of it like trash because he couldn't stand that he didn't give her a son?!"

"You're being the huge asshole, right now Elliot!" Mia screams back, tears in her eyes.

"Stop it, both of you!" Grace comes between, "I don't need two of my children fighting as well."

Elliot and Mia thankfully stop immediately, so Grace continues.

"Your father has always been a very determined man. In both business and personal life, he always got what he wanted. He worked hard, and that gave him success. He was used to getting his way, so you can imagine how difficult it was for him when we found out that the reason we didn't conceive, was him. He wasn't used to failing."

"While his focus was mostly on work, mine was on building a family, and when Carrick realized that I was determined to become a mother, he agreed to look at other options."

Everybody is listening intently while Grace speaks. I can tell she is trying really hard to keep her emotions at bay, and I'm happy that Mia is still sitting next to her to give her support because I have a feeling that both of her sons won't be as compassionate.

"Since I really wanted to experience pregnancy as well, we soon came to the conclusion that we needed a donor. We settled for an anonymous donor both times since in that situation, Carrick would be the only father you had. And it was everything we wanted, the perfect life. We were in love with both of you and our perfect little family. We were so happy," Grace sobs as she thinks about the past.

"Then what the hell changed?" Christian demands.

Grace looks at Mia apologetically before she continues, her head cast down while she speaks. "Mia was born. And Mia was a clone of Carrick. She was his, no denying at all. And he was so proud, he couldn't even speak."

"So it is all my fault," Mia whispers while she tries to move away from Grace. Thankfully, Grace holds her and prevents her from moving away.

"No!" She says, pulling Mia closer, "it's not your fault at all. You were so welcome, Mia. So loved. Not just by your father and me, by your brothers as well. They love you so much from the first moment they saw you. Elliot couldn't stop kissing you and Christian, who was late with talking, said your name over and over again. They were so proud to be big brothers."

"But it did change things. I saw the change in Carrick. He struggled with the fact that we decided to use a donor since he suddenly could conceive. He questioned if we shouldn't have waited longer, tried longer. Of course, I tried to talk it out of his head, but the more I did that, the more distance he took. It was like he suddenly resented me for it, while we both made that decision and while it gave us two beautiful boys."

"Why did you accepted his behavior, mom? Why did you let him treat you like that? Why did you let him treat us like that?" The tone Christian uses tells how little he understands of his mom's acceptance towards Carrick. He can't understand why she let it go in for this long.

Grace looks like she is deep in thought for a moment while she thinks over Christian's question. Mia is still sitting next to her, but the only contact they have is Mia's hand that Grace still holds.

"It's hard to leave someone when you've been together for practically all your life. And it's even harder to accept that the person you fell in love with, isn't that person anymore. I always hoped that one day he would be the old Carrick again, the Carrick I couldn't let go. It's a kind of grief that cuts through your heart. I couldn't let him go. And even though I saw the change in him become bigger and bigger, I still didn't want you to grow up without a father figure in your life."

Elliot rolls his eyes while he stands, obviously annoyed with his mother's explanation just like Christian, who hasn't stopped pulling his hair with his free hand since she started talking.

"He was never a father figure and you let that happen. You let him treat us like that," Christian sighs for what feels like the sixth time this conversation.

"I know," Grace immediately responds, "and I'm sorry. I realized it when Carrick told you that he wasn't your father. His reaction was cold and it was the first time I've ever heard him say that. It opened my eyes and I'm sorry that it took this long, but you are right. And I confronted him with that the moment you left."

"And what did he say?" Elliot, who is still pacing, asks.

"He started blaming me all over again. How it was my choice in the first place to use a donor. I got mad, he got mad. He started drinking and drinking. A whole week we avoided each other and when we talked, it just started all over again. It was exhausting. At one point, he was so drunk that he started to throw things around, and I got scared. So I went upstairs and grabbed his suitcase before I told him to leave. Surprisingly, he did."

"Did he touch you?" Both overprotective sons ask at the same time. Thank God, they do. It means that they still care.

"No," she says, "he didn't. You can accuse him of a lot of things, but he was never violent towards me."

"Do you know where he is now?" Mia carefully asks.

Grace shakes her head, "no. I haven't spoken to him since he left. He is probably at a hotel or at his office."

"That fucker has no idea. I am being dragged into this shit in the middle of the fucking night, my wife and my daughter upset because of yelling and crying from a hysterical Mia that won't shut up. Christian fucking cut off the vacation in Italy he desperately needed with Ana, because I didn't know what to do and you are here, practically neglecting yourself while he drinks his scotch in some fancy hotel, not caring about the world. Fucking asshole."

Elliot is furious and Kate stands to calm him down, but I think we all know there is no use.

"Wait, you were in Italy?" Grace confused gaze meets Christian and me. "Why didn't you say you went away? You flew to Europe without telling me?"

Mia snorts, "that's not all he did without telling you, mom."

"Goddamnit, Mia," Christian growls, now standing from his chair as well and almost bumping me off of the armrest in the process.

This keeps getting worse. I'm starting to think that we just need to leave.

"What is going on with you two? What happened? What did you do, Christian?" Grace says, now standing as well.

Christian takes a deep breath before he offers him his hand, which I take without saying anything. He pulls me next to him and wraps his arm around me, preparing himself for the blow of telling his mom.

"Ana and I got married in Italy, mom."

Immediately, tears fill Grace her eyes, an inaudible sob leaving her throat as she looks at us. Her eyes slowly drift to my hands, searching for evidence that her son is telling the truth.

"You married Ana without me there?" Her soft-spoken question breaks my heart. I can hear the emotion in her voice. Mia was right, she is heartbroken. And I feel horrible because of it.

"I married Ana without anyone there. We wanted it to be just us. It isn't anything personal, mom. Nobody knew. We wanted it that way. It was for us," Christian explains, his tone much softer than before in hopes it hurts his mom a little less.

Grace her tear-filled eyes move from Christian to me and back a couple of times, and I'm not really sure what she is thinking. I only know that it makes me feel uncomfortable. And it also makes me realize that I need to talk to my own mom and dad as soon as possible.

"Was it beautiful? Was it how you dreamed it would be?" Her question is for me. She is looking at me intently, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"It was," I tell her while swallowing the lump in my throat away, "it was everything from beautiful to emotional and sweet and loving. Christian made it so special."

A soft laugh fills the room before Grace walks over to us and pulls us both into a hug. "Oh dear," she breathes, "you finally got your girl, sweet boy."

"I did, mom. Finally," Christian agrees, his arms wrapped around both me and his mom and I can hear the relief in his voice.

"Welcome to the family, Ana," Grace whispers before she kisses my cheek, "it might be a weird, chaotic and broken family, but I welcome you with open arms."


	61. Chapter 61

Chapter 61: A and K.

"Do you think they all appreciate pasta?" Kate asks while she grabs a pack of spaghetti.

"Sure, everybody eats that, right? We can make Bolognese," I nod.

After Grace, Christian and I talked briefly about our wedding, the subject soon returned to Carrick. Elliot and Christian decided to make work of finding him and started searching for any signs he might have left behind.

They first called some of his friends and his office, and when they found out he wasn't there, they went upstairs to look at the use of his credit card.

Since it's almost seven already and Grace didn't have anything in the refrigerator, Kate and I offered to go to the store to buy something to eat and drink. For obvious reasons, but also because I needed to get out if there for a moment, just like Kate.

"Do you think they go to Carrick today if they find him?" I ask as we walk.

"God, I hope not. Talking to him will take hours," Kate sighs as she grabs some cheese, "besides, you and Christian need sleep and Elliot and I have Ava waiting for us. I can't drop her at the neighbors for another night and I don't want to. I miss her and I need her cuddles to cheer me up."

I smile as I think about Ava. She is really a ball of happiness and I understand that having her around makes you forget about everything else. I can't wait for Christian and me to have a little ball of energy of our own.

"So you're driving home after dinner? It will be after eleven when you're finally home."

"I know, but I think Elliot doesn't care about that. He is too angry to stay here. At least, I hope. And like I said, I want Ava with us. What about you and Christian?"

"I'm not sure, we haven't talked about it yet," I tell her honestly, "but I'm so tired, I can sleep anywhere."

Kate nods her head and heads to the aisle with the drinks next. I follow her and after grabbing a few bottles, we can pay.

"One sec," Kate says when we are on our way to the desks, "I need one more thing."

I follow her into the aisle with vitamins. "Can you keep a secret?" Kate asks while she grabs a bottle of vitamins, a huge smile on her face that works contagiously.

I nod my head and look at her expectantly. Kate doesn't say anything though, she just hands me the bottle of vitamins she just grabbed and then nods to the bottle as if that will tell me everything. So, I look down.

"Prenatal vitamins?" I smile.

Kate nods her head. "Yeah, we found out four days ago. It's still very early," she smiles, her cheeks pink from excitement.

"That's amazing, Kate. Congratulations!" I hug her.

"Thanks," she smiles, "Elliot kept nagging about the vitamins. With Ava, I took them the moment we started trying, but this time I was pregnant before I had time to buy them."

"You need to take them before you're pregnant?"

The question is out before I even realize I said it and my eyes widen.

"Well, yeah," she mumbles, eying me suspiciously, "why do you sound so shocked?"

Shit. Now I feel stupid. Why did I just blurt that out?

"I... I just..."

"Ana?" Kate smirks, "what is it?"

"It's just that I might need a bottle as well then." I can feel my cheeks heat up as I say it and all butterflies go crazy in my stomach. This is the first time I talk about it with anyone, besides Christian of course. It suddenly seems very real.

Kate's eyes widen as she excitedly claps her hands. "Oh my God! Are you and Christian trying for a baby as well?"

I nod my head, still feeling a bit shy about all of this. I mean, what if she thinks it's too fast? I know Christian said that he doesn't care about what anyone else thinks, but I doubt he doesn't care what Kate and Elliot think.

"Ana, that's so great! Then our two babies will grow up together completely!" She claps her hands again before she grabs another bottle of vitamins and pushes it in my hand. "Here, every morning and every evening. Maybe you should even take two bottles."

Her excitement makes me giggle, "I'm not pregnant yet, Kate."

"Oh, that won't take long, trust me. Ell got me pregnant with Ava after three months, and this one was after the first try. And they are half brothers," she winks before she takes another bottle herself. "It's for nine months, you know."

"Okay," is all I say. I don't really have the change to say anything else, because Kate is already on her way to the cash desk.

I hope Christian doesn't mind that I've told Kate and I hope that Kate doesn't tell anyone else. I have to ask her not to tell anyone else, just to be sure.

"Kate," I ask her when we have paid, "can you not tell anyone about this? I'm not even sure is Christian wants everybody to know."

"I won't tell your secret if you don't tell mine," she winks.

When we return back home, we find Mia, Christian, and Elliot on the couch waiting for us while they are watching tv. Grace is upstairs taking a shower, and it looks like everybody has calmed down a bit, even Elliot and Mia.

"Did you find out where your dad is?" Kate asks the moment we've put the groceries in the kitchen.

"Yeah," Elliot answers, "he is staying at the Heathman here in Portland. Can you believe it? He's chilling in a luxe ass hotel while mom is here eating take out."

"Well, she didn't have to do that, Ell. She could've cooked something," Kate rolls her eyes. She obviously isn't choosing sides. "Anyway, is there a plan already? Have you contacted him?"

"No," Christian pipes up, "we think it's best if we talk to him tomorrow. It's already late and I swear that if I don't get some sleep soon, I will pass out."

I nod, "I think that's a good idea, everybody is tired. Are you guys hungry? We're making spaghetti Bolognese."

I get a nod from everybody, so I decide to go to the kitchen. I'm happy when I see Christian follow me. Even though he was with me all the time, we haven't had a chance to talk privately and I want to know if he is okay after the talk with his mom.

"Hi," he mumbles while he takes me in his arms and I instantly feel relaxed.

"Hi," I smile, "how are you feeling?"

His arms move from my waist to my shoulders and he pulls his head back so he can look at me. His eyes are slightly red and I can tell he isn't going to drive home after dinner. He needs to sleep. Pronto.

"I'm okay. Tired, but okay. I'm happy you are here with me."

"How do you feel about the conversation with your mom?"

He shrugs and pulls away before he starts unpacking the bags. "I don't know. I guess I understand why she didn't want to leave him. I'm just having trouble with understanding how she tolerated his behavior towards us as well. It's just a mess. And thinking starts to get difficult because I'm tired as fuck."

"Are we staying here tonight?"

He turns around so he is facing me and hands me the spaghetti and other ingredients. "If you're okay with that?"

I nod my head, "of course, I don't want you to drive while you are this tired. We need to sleep."

He nods and resumes unpacking the bags while I search for the pans I need. After a few minutes, I feel one arm around my waist and his body flush against my back while he holds a bottle in front of my face.

"What's this?" I can hear his excited smirk and it makes me smile.

"It's mine. Kate told me that you need to take them from the moment you start trying."

"You were talking to Kate about this?"

I feel my cheeks heat up as I once again curse myself for just telling everything without thinking. Just thirty minutes ago, I promised Kate not to tell anyone, and what do I do?

"Yeah, well, it just came to that subject suddenly," I try to work my way out of it, but I know Christian won't let it go.

"Suddenly, huh?" He smirks while he scratches his stubble against my cheek, "how do you suddenly talk about something like that?"

"Oh, you know. Girltalk," I wave my hand.

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking."

Damn him and his nosey habits.

"If I tell you, you have to promise that you don't say anything to anyone. Nobody can know that you know," I whisper as I turn around and move my face just inches from his which makes him laugh.

"Okay, I won't. Tell me."

"Kate bought those vitamins because she is pregnant which she found out four days ago and she mentioned that you need to take them when you start trying but she didn't do that because she was pregnant very fast. She saw my reaction to that information and then I told her. And I bought a bottle as well, so I can start taking them now because that way our baby has the best start."

He has an endeared smile on his face as he watches me rambling through the story and his fingers move over my heated cheek as well.

"You will be an amazing mother, Ana." He whispers, making my blush even brighter.

Before I have time to tell him that he would be an amazing father too, his lips find mine and give me a slow, sweet kiss. He is pulling me as close as possible, and his mouth is moving gently against mine, his tongue sometimes licking my lips and stroking my tongue. It's full of love and promise and before I know it, my whole body is on fire.

When he pulls back, I can hardly open my eyes. I feel so relaxed, and because I'm tired as well, all I want to do is crawl into bed. The fact that Christian's hands are massaging my scalp doesn't help to stay awake, at all.

"I love that I have you this close now, whenever I want. Do you feel how good it is? Do you feel what it does to me?" He mumbles with his lips against my heated cheek.

I can only nod my head. Yes, I feel how good it is. My whole body is on fire and ready for him. Yes, I feel what it does to him. He is pressing the evidence against my belly, searching for friction.

"I can't wait to bury myself inside you tonight, Ana. I can't tell you how much I need it after a day like this."

His voice is heavy and his breathing is quick. If I didn't have to make dinner, I would definitely let him take me upstairs, right now.

"Are you alright, Ana? Jesus Chris, let her breathe, horndog." Elliot chuckles as he walks into the kitchen without any warning, Kate on his heels behind him.

Christian groans as he turns me around so I'm facing Elliot and Kate, his front against my back to hide his erection. "Ever heard of knocking?"

"When I want to enter the kitchen? No, I haven't heard of that," Elliot smirks. "Listen, what's your plan? Are you driving home tonight?"

"We haven't talked about it yet, why?" Christian asks.

"Kate wants to get back to Ava, but I'm not driving home now only to ride back again tomorrow. I was thinking that maybe Ana can drive back with Kate if that's okay with you?"

I was going to talk to Christian about tomorrow. I don't know if he wanted me to join when he talked to his dad, but I think it's better if it's just him, Grace, Elliot and Mia during that conversation. Especially since the last time Carrick saw me, wasn't a huge success.

I wouldn't mind driving back with Kate tonight. If I'm back in Bellevue tonight, I can take Bobby home and just sleep in our own bed. And I could go to my parents to talk tomorrow which is something I really don't want to wait with longer.

"I can join Kate if that's okay with you, Christian?"

"You sure?" He asks. I can see the disappointment but I still nod my head. He needs to talk with his father alone, without me.

"I'm sure. You need to talk with Carrick alone, with your brother, sister, and mother. I can pick up Bobby and I can visit my parents tomorrow if I go now. I need to talk to them."

Christian sighs and kisses my forehead, obviously not happy that I'm going now, but he doesn't push it which I'm thankful for. "Alright, but after dinner."

"Right, so let's start cooking, shall we," Kate smiles, "that means no distraction so get out off the kitchen, guys."

"Thank you," I whisper against Christian's chest before he and Elliot walk out of the kitchen.

Now let's hope mom and dad will react as positive as Grace Grey.


	62. Chapter 62

Chapter 62: Parent's little girl.

I wake up from the sound of my phone, and if I'm honest, I just want to turn around and pretend that I don't hear it go off. I have no idea what time it is, but I feel like I've slept for two hours.

Bobby, who was sleeping on Christian's side of the bed, agrees because he grunts while he turns his head away from the noise, making me giggle. He is a grumpy dog in the morning.

I have no idea if Christian lets him sleep on his bed, but I felt lonely last night and Bobby couldn't seem to sleep either, so I allowed him to sleep next to me. He is a sweet dog.

For a moment the sound of my phone has stopped, and I feel my eyes getting heavier again. But then the music starts again, and I realize that whoever is calling, won't stop until I've picked up my phone.

By lack of my glasses, I blindly reach beside me where on the bedside table my phone lies. After a few tries, I manage to grab it and when I see who is calling, I'm instantly awake and suddenly a lot happier.

"Hi," I smile as I pick up.

"Hi, baby. Did I wake you?"

"Yes, you woke both me and Bobby. He is not a fan of you right now." I giggle as I watch Bobby hide his head into the sheets.

"Too bad for him, I missed you last night and needed to hear your voice."

"I missed you too, but Bobby did keep me company."

"Is that so?" He chuckles, "did he sleep in the room with you?"

For a moment I hesitate. Do I tell him or do I just say yes? I wouldn't be lying if I said yes, he did sleep in the room with me.

"Yes," I begin, deciding that honesty is key, "he slept next to me. Kept your spot warm."

Christian is silent for a minute, and just when I'm about to ask if he is still there, he speaks.

"You let him sleep in our bed?" I guess he doesn't let him sleep in his bed, then.

"Yeah, I was lonely," I repeat, by lack of any other explanation. It's the truth though, I was lonely without Christian next to me.

"Christ, Ana. You do know that he'll want that every night now, right?"

He actually sounds a little pissed and it makes me giggle. He can be very dramatic which is hilarious.

"You've never let him sleep with you before?"

"I made that mistake once when I just got him. It took me six weeks before I'd learned to him that he sleeps on the floor. I still remember the sleepless nights. It was terror."

Now I don't even try to hold back my laughter. It can't be that bad.

''I'm sure this one time doesn't matter. He'll know that he needs to sleep on the floor when his daddy is back."

"His daddy?"

"Well, yeah," I smile, "how does he call you then?"

I think about what I said and I do realize that it sounds weird because dogs can't talk, but I don't care. I want to hear Christian's reaction.

"He barks," he deadpans.

I roll my eyes, "well, I called you his daddy."

"I prefer being referred to as buddy. You can call me daddy."

"Ugh, no way. I'll call you hubby."

He laughs and it makes me smile. This is going nowhere, yet I'm having the best morning because of it.

"I promise he will sleep on the floor from now on."

"I doubt it. Did you cuddle with him? He is not crazy you know? If you cuddled him, he is addicted and he will come back tonight. I swear Ana, the sleepless nights are your concern."

"He is your dog," I say, enjoying this conversation way too much. He can wake me up like this any time.

"Playing dumb now, baby? When you said I do, you adopted him as well. We're kind of a package deal. He is ours now, and since you fucked with the rules I set for him, you can teach him all over again. I hope you had a good night sleep because you're not going to get any of that for a long time."

"You are crazy," I giggle while wrapping the sheet tighter around me. Even though Christian is not here with me, I feel completely happy right now.

"Fuck, I love your giggle. Never stop that," he whispers.

I smile, feeling my cheeks heat up. "Are you still in bed?"

"Yeah, but I need to get out soon. We're having a quick breakfast before we go to the Heathman. Mia got ahold of dad and he was able to meet us at two. That's literally how he said it. Like we are a fucking business meeting."

"Do you already know what you want to say?" I ask him, ignoring the rest of what he told me. I don't think it's good to talk about Carrick's behavior right now, it will only piss Christian off more.

"Not really, but I am sure about not wanting contact with him. It wouldn't be much difference anyway. We never talked just for fun."

I knew he was going to go through with that, and I'm honestly relieved. Carrick is not on my favorite list either.

"What time is it now?"

"Almost eleven thirty. How late are you going to your parents and how?" He yawns before I hear him stretch. I miss that too, seeing him stretch. I love how his muscles flex when he does it.

"I don't know, probably around two or three. Mom never has appointments after three, so that way I know they will be home. I haven't called them, I'm just going to go. I'm going to ask if José can bring me, he is usually free on Monday. I can take some of my stuff from the apartment as well. If he has plans, I'll take public transport."

I can practically hear him roll his eyes. "When everything is a little calmer, we're buying you a car."

"Why? I've used public transport my whole life. I don't mind."

"I do. I don't like the idea. You're getting a car. You can take one of the trucks from work today if you want? They're at Elliot's place and Kate has the keys."

"I'll be fine," I promise him, not really keen on the idea of driving a company car, "and I'll text you, don't worry."

"Stubborn as fuck," I hear him mutter too loud. I'm sure I wasn't supposed to hear it but I don't feel like commenting on it. I want to keep this conversation happy. "I have to go."

"Okay," I say while petting Bobby, who is now fully awake, behind his ear.

"Let me know when you're going to your parents and good luck with talking to them."

"I will," I nod, "you too. See you tonight."

"Tonight, I'll try to be home around seven," he confirms, "I love you."

I'll never get tired of hearing him say that. The way he says it, it's sensual, sweet, sexy and cute at the same time and it makes my heart skips a beat every time.

"I love you. Bye."

"Bye, baby." He says before he disconnects the call.

I miss him. Since we've got each other back, we've hardly spent time apart, and especially after Italy, I'm used to having him around. It's amazing how he is suddenly such a consistent part of my life.

"Let's have breakfast, Bobby," I say when I see him looking at me, "after that, we'll go for a walk."

* * *

Thankfully, José could give me a ride to my parents, and during the drive, we took the time to catch up. We talked about my wedding, the vacation in Italy, José's fling who he's stopped seeing and he told me a little bit of what Mandy told him about work.

The twenty minutes drive was way too short, so we stopped after five minutes to have a walk with Bobby, who came with me to my parents. It was so good to talk to José again. After he dropped me off, I invited him and Mandy over for dinner this weekend. I can't wait to show them the house and I can't wait to just hang on the couch like we used to do.

Mom and dad were very happy to see me. I think my mom gave me a five-minute hug before she finally let go. My dad was also happy I was there, he pulled me in a bone-crushing hug and kissed the top of my head countless times. It reminded me of how it was before, and it made me emotional.

We're sitting on the couch now. Mom made tea and for the first time since I know what they did, I feel at ease while being around them. I don't know if it's because the tension is less now that Christian isn't here, or because I had time to think about everything, but I'm relieved. I want to feel at home and at ease while I'm here with my parents.

"You look good," mom compliments as she looks at me with a small smile on her face.

"Thanks. I feel good," I smile.

Dad just looks at me as mom and I sip our tea. The silence is a little uncomfortable, and I think it's because they know I'm here to talk. They are waiting for me to begin. I'm just not sure where to begin.

"How is Christian?" Dad asks after he can't bear the silence anymore.

I smile at the mention of his name. "He is okay. He needed to process everything of course. After you were with us, he went to see his dad. It turns out that there is a lot more to the story than everybody thought. He is in Portland right now, talking to him."

I decide not to tell them about the whole thing with Carrick right now. I don't know if Christian even wants them to know and I feel like I need to wait for him so he can tell my parents himself. Maybe the conversation he has today will change things. I doubt it, but still.

"That's good," dad nods, "and you are here to talk to us, I assume?"

I nod my head and take another sip of my hot tea, almost burning my mouth in the process. The nerves are suddenly kicking in full force and I'm afraid of how they will react.

"Sweetheart, you know you can tell us everything, right?" My mom asks as she reaches for my hand and squeezes it gently, encouraging me to start talking.

"When Christian talked to his parents, he found out something that changed everything. There was an even bigger lie behind our story, and it shocked him immensely," I start, deciding to just go with it.

"When he came home, he was a mess. He was heartbroken and felt deceived by his parents. The only thing he wanted, was to get away from everything, just like me. We wanted to be alone, without anyone around that didn't want us together. So, he took me back to Italy, to the same hotel."

Dad's eyes widen slightly and mom gasps in surprise but other than that, they stay silent. They know that they need to let me talk now.

"It was amazing. It all looks the same. We actually got the same hotel room he stayed in last time, which was crazy. We swam, we ate and we just relaxed and talked. Really talked. We've told each other what we missed and we recollected memories from our time in Italy. It was perfect."

"So perfect in fact, that we wanted to do something special," I say before I take a deep breath and order myself to just get it out. Here we go. "Christian took me to that place I've told you about. That cliff that gives a beautiful view of the harbor of Piombino. And because everything felt right and we both know that we are meant to be together, we got married there."

The moment I've said it, I close my eyes and wait for their reaction. I wait for screaming, crying and yelling, but it doesn't come. It stays silent and after what feels like minutes but is probably just seconds, I dare to open my eyes.

Mom looks at me while she silently cries, tears covering her cheeks. I'm not sure if it are tears of happiness, disappointment or something completely different, but I think I'll find that out soon enough. When I look at my dad, I'm surprised. Of all the things I was prepared for, I didn't expect to see this. Pride. He is looking at me with pride and it is weird.

"Did he propose to you?" He asks, his expression still the same, but with a glimmer of curiosity as well.

"Not really," I say while I think about it, "I think I kind of proposed to him in a weird way. I suggested to get married there, and a day later we did it. It was spontaneous, relaxed and low key, but perfect."

"Did he buy you a ring?" His expression hasn't changed. If anything, he keeps getting more excited.

"He did. He got us matching wedding bands," I smile as I hold up the hand I was trying to hide from them since I walked in. I reminded myself to do that since Mia saw it the moment we walked in.

Dad stands from his seat and walks over to me before he grabs my hand and observes the ring intently. His thumb rubs over my knuckles as he does so, relaxing me just a bit.

"Is this what you want? Are you happy?" His voice has turned soft now, emotional.

"I've never been happier, dad. It's what I've wanted for ten years," I tell him honestly, emotion breaking through.

"Oh, Annie," he sobs before he let's go of my hand and pulls me in a hug. He is sitting on his knees in front of me, and I bury my face in his neck while I let the tears fall freely. Thank God he doesn't hate me.

"I'm so sorry," he sobs, "so sorry I kept him from you. I did it because I wanted you better, but I realize now that I should have told Carrick Grey to fuck off. Only I couldn't. We needed his money to get you better. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've held you back."

His words are barely understandable because of the sobs, but I heard him and it means the world to me that he says it. For the first time, he apologized for what he did, and I needed that to move on.

After minutes he pulls back from our hug and kisses my forehead. The moment he sits on the couch next to me, my mom wraps her arms around my neck as well. She is crying horribly, her make-up all over her face, and it actually makes me giggle.

"My baby girl," is all she says, over and over again like she can't believe it. It's sweet.

After seconds, dad wraps his arms around us as well, joining the hug. It's like I went back in time to when I told them about what happened at school. Just like now, Christian was the reason for that hug.

"I thought you would be mad at me," I confess when the emotion has whined down a bit and we are all sitting back on the couch again.

Oh, honey, no." Mom shakes her head, "we're not mad. You have no idea how horrible we felt when we left Christian's house. Christian was so mad and you were devastated and alone. We hated that we caused that."

"Listen, Annie, we've made mistakes in the past, ones that we can't turn back, but we always did it because we wanted you happy and healthy. We needed that money to get you healthy, and back then, your health had more priority than your happiness, although we never could have thought we were choosing between those two. I hope that you can understand that we just wanted what was best for you. We still do. We want you happy, and if you are happy now, then we are too."

My dad has made a complete 180, and it is overwhelming. But I'm happy they are taking this news so well. It means that everything they did, was indeed for me and not against Christian.

"I mean," mom starts, a smile on her face, "it would've been nice to see my daughter on her wedding day since that is one of the most important days of your life. But I guess we'll be there for all the other important days. I promise we'll be there, Ana."

I nod my head, understanding what she means. We will go up from here.

"I have a picture and we have recorded the ceremony. It's on Christian's phone, so you can see it," I smile as I grab my phone and search for the picture that we made before we went to the cliff. When I've found it, I show it to mom and dad. "It's not a full-length photo, but it gives you an impression," I smile.

"You're glowing," mom smiles while she looks at the picture, even zooming in a couple of times.

"You look beautiful, sweetheart," Dad agrees.

I smile and take back the phone, looking at the picture one more time myself before I put it back in my pocket. We really look happy. My cheeks are red from excitement and we both have a huge smile on our face. It truly was perfect.

"When are we meeting your husband again?" Mom asks, pulling my attention back to her. "Does he still want to talk to us after what happened?"

"He will," I nod, "he has a bit of a temper, and he sometimes needs a few minutes to process everything. You dropped a bomb on him last time you saw him, that's all. He knows you love me and you can tell him it wasn't against him. You did it for me. He'll understand eventually."

He has to because I'm done being mad. My parents made a stupid decision, but they did help me. They were there, my whole life they've been there, and I want them with me now as well.

"Well, I think we deserve a nice meal after news like this," dad says as he stands, "how about we take the dog for a walk and have dinner afterward at that nice bistro near the parc? Were you planning on staying for dinner, Annie?"

I smile and nod my head. Walking will do us all good. "I can stay for dinner. Christian will text me when he'll leave Portland, and I do want to be home when he arrives, so I'll leave after dinner."

"I'll put on my shoes," mom days excitedly before she walks out of the living room. Bobby is following her immediately, obviously suspecting that something is going to happen.

"So, is it Ana Grey now, then? Or is it still Steele?"

The way he asks it, makes me giggle. He tries to keep an open expression, but I can tell he is praying that I'm still Ana Steele. I don't think it's because of the name Grey though, it probably his pride.

"It's Grey," I say while blushing, "I like the idea of having the same last name as Christian and in the future, our children."

"Kids, huh?" Ray playfully huffs, "is that on the planning anytime soon?"

My cheeks heat up more as I think about how soon that might be the case. I can't believe that this is my life now. After everything.

"We'll see," I smirk, trying to hide my face which makes dad laugh.

"Oh, Annie," he sighs as he puts his arm around my shoulder and kisses the top of my head again, "that boy is really something, isn't he?"

"He is." I agree.

You have no idea.


	63. Chapter 63

Chapter 63: Cutting all ties.

Last night, I thought that falling asleep without Ana was about as bad as it could get. Not being able to pull her soft, warm body against mine, not being able to kiss her and not being able to bury my nose in her hair while I feel her nails scratch my back, I missed it more than I've ever missed anything.

Falling asleep with her seems so normal, even though it has only been a few days. It feels like we've always fallen asleep together while the bitter truth tells something entirely different.

It was fucking hard to fall asleep without her.

But right now, while we've just hung up the phone, I realize how wrong I was. Falling asleep without her wasn't the hardest thing, it is waking up without her.

Hearing her giggle, it's something that I hope to hear the moment I wake up, for as long as I live. Her giggle keeps me grounded and gives me hope and courage. The last two things I need more than ever today and thank fuck she gave me them during our phone call.

She sounded happy and well rested when we spoke just now, and it secretly warmed my heart that she let Bobby stay with her. I wasn't lying when I said he'll probably want it tonight as well, and yes I am jealous of my own dog, but the fact that she makes herself completely at home in my house makes me happy and proud as fuck.

Yesterday, after Ana and Kate left, Elliot and I had a beer and hung out in front of the tv before we went to bed. The tv was only on for show though, because we were talking more.

I knew Elliot held grudge against Carrick as well, but I never really knew why. I thought that after he met Kate and brought her home, the relationship between him and Carrick went up. I was shocked to find out how wrong I had been to think that.

It turns out that Carrick didn't treat Elliot remotely better when he stopped whoring around and settled with Kate. Although Carrick did like Kate, probably because she is from a wealthy, well-known family, he still wasn't happy with the choices Elliot made.

Elliot told Carrick from the very beginning that he wasn't interested in taking over the ship. That and the fact that Ell had no idea what he wanted to do after he graduated, was a red flag for the big Mr. Grey. He already saw his oldest so-called son bringing down the Grey name by living in a tent while drinking beer all day long while his wife made sure there was money to spend. Ridiculous, of course, but it once again shows how superficial Carrick Grey really is.

When Elliot started Grey Constructions with me, he got the same shit from Carrick as me, only to top it off, he kept telling Elliot that he wasn't worth a girl like Kate. Time after time he heard that he wasn't good enough for her, and even though my brother is a tough guy, it really got to him sometimes and Kate struggled with that.

When they announced that Kate was pregnant, and later when Ava was born, the denigrating comments stopped and were never spoken of as if they were never said. Elliot first didn't want to let it go, but Kate begged him to not bring them up again. She wanted to keep the peace for their daughter and he agreed.

Yesterday he told me that it was the biggest mistake he ever made because now there will come a time when he needs to explain to his daughter why she can't see her grandfather anymore.

Even though I hate that this shit all happens while I just got Ana back, I'm grateful that it's all over when Ana and I have a little baby of our own so I won't have to explain him or her these things.

Elliot's story only confirmed that what I had decided is the right thing to do. A man like Carrick Grey, who deliberately put us down at every chance he got, almost to the point of psychological abuse, does not deserve to be in our lives any longer.

I will cut all ties. Today. Without ever feeling bad or sad about it.

I don't care about the consequences. I understand that it will be hard for Mia and mom during the holidays and during Sunday brunch, and I also understand that Mia still wants to have contact with her father, but I am done and I know that Elliot's got my back.

As for mom, I am willing to try and see if we can fix the broken pieces. It will take time and I don't know if I will ever be able to trust her again. And I don't think it will ever get back to how we were, but I do realize that she was in a very difficult situation.

She got neglected by her own husband. He found her repulsive because she had two sons of donors even though he agreed to it. The thought that he treated my mom like that, makes me furious. I have a lot of reasons to hate him, but that one goes through heart and soul.

I fucking hope that I will be able to behave when I see him at one because I swear if he says one thing that comes out wrong, he will feel it for a long time.

A knock on the door interrupts my thoughts and when I tell the person on the other side to come in, Mia her head pops around the door.

"You're still in bed?" She asks the obvious, "breakfast is ready."

"I'll have a quick shower and then I'll come down," I tell her while I get out of bed.

"What were you thinking about?"

"Today. How the talk will go, what I need to say, that kind of shit." I tell her as I make my way to the enjoined bathroom.

"It's all going to change now, isn't it?" Her voice is soft and sad, and I wish I could tell her that it won't but I have to be honest.

"It will, Mia. This whole thing is just too big. Too much has happened, it can't be fixed," I tell her, even though it hurts me to see her like this. She is confused and I hate that I can't make it better.

She nods her head, eyes down. "I'll see you downstairs," she says before I watch her walk out the room, closing the door with force.

Pissed Mia is hard to deal with and confused Mia isn't easy either, but this time she is both, and I have no fucking clue how to deal with that. All I know is that by the end of this day, I'll probably be emotionally exhausted and that pisses me off because since I have Ana back, I'm finally starting to feel good again.

After today, this shit needs to end.

* * *

Mom, Mia, Elliot and I are standing in front of the door of the studio suite at the Heathman, and when Carrick opens the door, I can instantly tell what kind of conversation this is going to be.

He looks like the man I've known for years. Black, three-piece suit with a crisp white dress shirt, hair perfectly styled and his expression serious and all business. If I didn't know any better, I would think I'm here to sign a deal for Grey Constructions. Ironically, because Mr. Grey himself would never do business with us, even though we share the same name.

"Come in," he says curtly while he moves aside so we can walk in. He doesn't make any attempt to greet us by shaking our hand and when mom walks past him, he just nods his head. Cold and distant. All this shit didn't make an impact, at all.

"Does anyone want coffee or tea? I would offer something else, but for obvious reasons I can't," he waves his hand around the room as if that would explain everything.

Typically. The fucker has the most luxurious suite of the whole Heathman, yet he still isn't satisfied and acts as if it is a disgrace to sleep here. The only reason he is saying it is to give my mom a feeling of guilt.

"I'll have tea, daddy," Mia says, her voice soft. I can tell she is confused by his distant behavior toward her. He didn't greet her the way he would normally do.

"Me too, please," mom nods.

He doesn't even wait for Elliot or me to answer and walks straight to the minibar. He puts boiled water into two cups, indicating that he was prepared, and then brings it to mom and Mia.

"Tea is on the table," he nods towards the small coffee table in front of a couch.

I fight the huge urge to call him out on his disrespectful behavior and follow everybody to the sitting area. We need to get this over with. I'm dying to put him in place and I know Elliot is too.

"We're all here to talk about what happened and why you left," Mia starts when we've all found a place to sit. I think that she is the only one that has hope that everything can be fixed. Not even mom seems to have that hope.

"I was forced to leave, Mia," dad replies seriously, "your mother grabbed my suitcase, threw in some clothes and then demanded me to leave."

Unbelievable. Fucking unbelievable. Asshole.

"I threw you out because of your behavior, Carrick," mom says, voice soft but you can hear the anger and hurt just beneath it.

"That's what it's all about, isn't it? How I am the big, bad guy," he counters, all business. It's impersonal.

"I fail to see how you were the perfect little angel, so yeah. That's exactly what this is about," Elliot says, surprisingly calm. He sounds like the opposite of what I feel right now.

"You want me to apologize? Is that why you're here? To hear that I'm sorry for lying to you about the fact that you two aren't mine?" He looks at Elliot and me, his eyes getting intenser with the second, "it's not just me who lied. Your mom did that too. It wasn't just my decision."

The way he tries to drag mom into his shit makes me even more furious than I already am. I can't listen to this shit.

"You know what?" I start while standing from my seat in hopes it prevents me from flying to his throat, "I could've lived with the fact that you aren't my biological dad if you would've been there as a real dad. But you were never there. You didn't love us like a father loves his sons. You never made it a priority to get to know us, you never took us out. It was always about work. Always. You don't fucking care."

"I fucking cared about your future!" Carrick roars, coming dangerously close to my face, "I wanted to teach you discipline and perseverance. I showed you what the real world looked like, and look where that got you. You have your own business now. You two made that happen because I taught you everything you need to succeed."

"Fucking bastard!" Elliot yells while jumping from the couch. I'm just in time to grab his arm and prevent him from going at Carrick, even though I feel exactly the same. After everything, he now claims we got there because of him.

Mia and mom are looking at the scene with wide eyes and loss of words. Mom is silently crying and Mia is as white as a sheet. I think she only just realized how deep this whole thing really goes.

"I came here to talk, but if you keep throwing bullshit at us, I'm out of here just as fast. Mom and Mia convinced me to come here and listen to you, but you just proved that listening to you won't help because you like to hear yourself talk way too much. I'd made my decision before I came here, and you just showed me it is the right one. I don't ever have to see you again."

Elliot's voice is a mix of rage and hurt. He has tears in his eyes, his whole body is tense and his hands are in fists. I have never seen this type of emotion in him, not even when I told him what I had found out.

Carrick doesn't flinch. He doesn't even look impressed. He probably thinks Elliot is full of shit. Even now, when his family is broken to pieces, he still thinks he is on top of the world.

"Can we just calm down and talk like normal people?" Mom's shaky voice fills the room. She is trying desperately to save what's left, although that isn't much.

"What's the point, Grace? Your sons have gone crazy."

"My sons?!" Mom shrieks, shocked by his statement. It doesn't even surprise me. Of course, now that the truth is out, what's the point of hiding the obvious?

The longer this conversation goes on, the more I realize that I don't want to be here. I don't want to give him any more of my time.

"He is right, mom," I say, turning to mom, "we're not his sons. And the more he talks, the more I want to get out of here. I'm so done with trying to get him to like me, I'm so fucking done."

I turn back and focus on Carrick, who is still standing in front of me and Elliot. "As for you, I hope that once your old, and everybody had spit you out at your so loved work, you realize what an asshole you are. You will be alone until the day you die, sitting in a chair behind the window and praying that someone will walk by just to take your mind off the fact that you don't have anyone. It's all your loss."

I turn around, dragging Elliot with me, having every intention to walk out of this hotel room and leave behind the man that I called my dad for twenty-eight years, but then he opens his mouth and says the one thing that gets out a side of me that I didn't even know I had.

"Did you make her sign a prenup? I sure hope you have."

It's not just what he says that triggers the anger, it's also how he says it. He is insinuating something. And accusing Ana of being capable of something like that, makes me seeing red. He has crossed the line now, my hard limit.

Nobody talks about my Ana like that.

I feel Elliot trying to grab my arm, but I'm to fast. I hear my mom her plead to stay calm, but I'm already on my way. Just as I hear Mia let out a high pitched scream, my hand flies around Carrick's throat while my fist connects with his jaw. Hard.

I don't stop. My vision is blurred and all I feel is the rage. Rage that needs to come out and makes sure that I don't stop. I see him fight back, but I don't feel it. The only thing I feel is anger. I want him to feel what I've felt all those years.

I hear my mom and Mia vaguely begging me to stop, but the blood that is rushing through my body is louder. I see Carrick holding his hands up in defense, begging me to stop, but it's working as fuel. Only when I feel two arms move around me and pull me off of him, I stop, because I can't reach him anymore. Not because I want to.

"Enough, Chris. Enough," Elliot pants, obviously having trouble with keeping me in check. I don't even realize how much strength I'm using to get out of his grip.

"I'll kill him." The words leave my mouth without even thinking it through but I mean it. If Ell lets me go, I will kill him.

''You won't. We'll walk out of this door and we'll never look back. He isn't anything of us. He is nothing."

He is nothing, Elliot is right. He is nothing and I have everything waiting for me at home. He is the one that loses.

Completely out of breath and with my hands still clenched as fists, I let Elliot drag me out of the hotel room. I don't say anything, I don't even wave. All I do is look at Carrick one more time. He is still lying on the floor, leaning on his elbows as he tries to get up. His nose and left eyebrow are bleeding heavily and his bottom lip is split just in the middle. His right eye is already starting to swell and he has red marks around his throat and jaw but he is breathing. And I have never felt this satisfied.

Elliot and I walk through the hall and into the elevator without saying anything. I think he gives me time to catch my breath. Only when we are standing outside, in front of the hotel, my breathing returns to normal and I'm able to speak.

"Thanks for pulling me back."

Elliot nods, a smirk on his face, "took me all the will power I had. You got him good."

I nod while I let my tongue move over my lip, trying to ease the stain. He got me once, on my lip, and I taste a little blood. I hardly felt it when he hit me, but I guess he managed to make me bleed.

"How bad is it?" I ask Elliot, who is looking at me.

"Just a small cut, not nearly as bad as his," he answers, "wanna grab a beer? After that, I'll call Mia to ask what their plan is. If they grab a taxi, we can go home right after that beer."

"Sure, I could use one to help me calm down," I agree as I pull my phone out of my pocket. It's just after three and ten minutes ago, Ana had sent me a text, telling me that she has arrived at her parents.

I want to call her and tell her what happened, but I decide against it for now. She is only now starting her conversation with her parents, and she needs to focus on that for a moment. It's better if I call her once we are on our way back home.

I hope her conversation goes better than mine. I know she wants to forgive her parents, so I hope she will. I think I forgave them for treating me like shit, at least, I'm starting to. They did it to save their daughter and although I'm still pissed about it, I do understand it. Especially since Carrick Grey can be very convincing. I doubt Ray Steele and I will ever be friends, but I can deal with him during holidays and birthdays. I have to, for Ana.

"You're coming?" Elliot asks, pulling me out of my thoughts. He is already walking towards the nearest cafe, just across the street, eager to get that cold beer.

"Yeah."

* * *

We are standing at the bar in a small, almost empty cafe. I am on my fourth beer, Elliot on his second. Apparently, I needed it more than I thought. We've just decided that this is our last one since one of us needs to drive us home save. That person will be Elliot.

"So, how is married life?"

We have been talking about what happened in the Heathman for the last hour and a half, and now Elliot decides to change the subject which I'm thankful for. Talking about Carrick doesn't exactly help with calming down.

"It's great," I say while I feel a smile appear on my face, "I mean, it hasn't been that long and we've hardly had time to enjoy it, but just having her around and being able to talk to her feels so good. I just know that we did the right thing to marry there. I feel like it has always been us against the world, so it just fits."

Elliot nods his head and slams my shoulder. "I'm happy for you man, Ana is good for you. Kate likes Ana too. When I called her this morning, she wouldn't shut up about her. That drive back home did them good."

"Ana likes Kate too, they are out there telling each other all their secrets," I smirk.

"Yeah," Elliot smirk is just as big as mine, and I just know Kate told Elliot as well.

"Another baby, huh?" I smile.

Elliot beams with pride, a huge smile on his face as he nods. "Yeah, crazy right? But I can't wait. It's still early, but I feel like this time I can actually enjoy it because I know I'm not going to suck at being a father."

I nod my had, understanding what he means. I know how uncertain he was when Kate was pregnant with Ava. He was scared he would be like our dad and couldn't enjoy the pregnancy at all.

"You are a great father to Ava. She adores you. And I know that this little one will adore you too. I mean, not as much as he or she will adore me of course," I smirk as I think about my bond with Ava. I miss that little kid.

"Thanks, man," Elliot laughs while shaking his head, "but you don't have time to bribe my kids anymore when you start to have your own, and my chattering wife told me that that will be soon."

Just like Ana, Kate is horrible at keeping secrets.

"You don't think it's too fast?"

Elliot shakes his head while he takes a swing of his beer. "No. I think you deserve it. You and Ana deserve to be happy after all the shit you went through. I can't wait to see you as a dad man. We can do playdates and shit. It will be great."

His reaction makes me smile. He always has my back and I'm once again reminded how much I owe Elliot.

"Thanks, Ell. I've never told you, but thanks for being there. Without you and Kate, I wouldn't have gotten through those ten years. I owe you."

Elliot doesn't say anything, he just pulls me in a hug. A hug that tells me everything I need to know.

"No need man, that's what brothers are for right? You would do the same for me," he says when he has let me go. "To the future, with our lovely wives and a lot of kids running around," he raises his half-empty glass and I do the same.

"To the future, without any shit."

**A/N: Don't forget to share your thoughts! Much love, x Milou.**


	64. Chapter 64

Chapter 64: Tensed.

"Hi," her sweet, angelic voice answers my call, instantly making me feel calmer.

"Hi, baby, I'm outside. Can you come out for a second?" I ask her while I wave at Elliot, who is just driving away to his own house.

The ride back from Portland to Bellevue has always been a long, boring one. But I've never experienced it the way I did this time. I kept looking at the time, kept checking the speed, all in hopes it would go faster. I couldn't wait to get back to Ana. The need to wrap her in my arms and lose myself in her has never been as big as it is now. She makes me forget, and I desperately need her to help me forget today.

"Okay," she says and just a second later, the front door opens, revealing a gorgeous looking Ana with a happily barking Bobby behind her.

Her hair is still damp, indicating that she had a shower not long ago. She is wearing yoga pants with one of my sweaters of work, her glasses on her nose and a beautiful smile on her face. She has never looked better to me.

While she sprints over to me on her bare feet, she manages to hang up the phone before she jumps into my arms, monkey style. Her arms around my shoulders, her legs around my waist and her face in the crook of my neck.

Bobby is jumping up and down against me, barking as a way of greeting, but I'm sure its also because he now has to share Ana with me again and I doubt that's something he likes. He's probably thinking about how he is losing his spot in the bed.

"I missed you. Are you okay? What happened to your lip?" She mumbles against my skin, lightning my whole body and making a shiver run down my spine.

The effect she has on me is disturbing.

"I'm okay. I'll tell you everything when we're inside," I tell her before I start walking to the door, "but first, I need to carry you over the threshold, my bride."

Her head moves back while she giggles, her cheeks pink from excitement. It takes every control I have to stop me from kissing her senseless. I need to wait just a little longer before I do that since I know Ana wants to know everything about today first.

"Technically I'm your wife, not your bride," she smirks.

"You will always be my bride. And we still need to make it official so until then, you are definitely my bride," I say, reminding myself that whatever happens, we need to go to the courthouse to make our marriage legal soon. I want that to be taken care of.

"You are very romantic," she says before biting her lip which my dick appreciates way too much. I haven't seen her for a couple of hours, yet my body acts as if it was ten years all over again.

"Only for you," I promise as I walk us into our house with Bobby on our heels.

"Did you eat something?" Ana asks when we are standing in the hallway, her arms and legs still around me and not making any attempt to change that any time soon. It's not that I would've let her go, but still.

I shake my head and on cue, my stomach rumbles. After Elliot and I left the cafe, all we wanted to do was get home as fast as possible. We both needed the ones that make us feel completely relaxed and shielded from the real world.

"I got some groceries on my way back from my parents and mom and dad brought me and Bobby home after that. I'll make you a salad and I can also make some garlic bread. Do you want wine?" She asks like the true housewife, jumping out of my arms way too fast for my liking.

"A red one would be nice," I nod as I watch her walk into the living room and out of my sight, eager to make me dinner. I can get used to that.

Before I follow her, I get on my knees to greet Bobby, who is desperately begging me for some attention by scratching my leg with his paw.

I scratch him behind his ears, and he makes himself comfortable by sitting in front of me, ready for an hour of scratching. I've missed him.

"I hear you kept the wife warm last night," I chuckle as he starts to playfully bite my hand, challenging me. "She told me all about how you took my place and I appreciate that you kept her company, but since I'm back now, your service is no longer need. I hope you understand that."

As if he understands me, he abruptly stops playing and turns around to walk into the living room, no doubt to Ana. The dog got it almost as bad as I have.

Ana and her charms.

When I walk into the house further, I find Ana already in the kitchen cutting vegetables. Waiting on the breakfast bar is a glass of red wine, and next to it is standing a small plate with some snacks. My wife knows what I need.

"You can spoil me like this every day," I say while I walk to the bar and sit on one of the stools, planning to watch her while she makes me dinner. It's one of the things I've fantasized about for years, and now it's finally my reality.

Without looking up from the cucumber she is cutting she says, "I plan to." The smile on her face is sweet while she concentrates, and all I want to do is take a picture of this moment.

"How was the talk with your father?"

I know she wants to know everything and I want to tell her, but I'm not looking forward to it. I have thought about where to begin and how to make sure she knows everything in one go during the drive because, after this talk, I plan on never speaking about him again. After this talk, it's the past.

I take a sip from my wine, enjoying the taste for a few seconds before I swallow. I need fo to relive everything just one more time because my amazing wife needs to know.

And so I start. I tell her everything, from the moment Carrick opened the door until I was dragged out of it by Elliot. All kinds of emotions run through me as I talk. From sadness to anger, the feeling of being misunderstood, being treated wrong and even grief. It's a roller coaster, and by the time I'm done, I feel tears on my cheeks without even knowing I was crying.

Ana lets me talk. Not once she interrupts me, she only nods her head a few times to let me know she is listening. She keeps making me dinner, but her movements slow down the further we get into the story.

It feels good to tell her. It feels like the long road of processing has already started, and it's a relief. Relief because Ana now knows, and she can help me to move on. Relief because I truly have nothing to do with Carrick anymore. Relief because Elliot and I survived this shit as brothers, probably being even closer because of it. Relief because after a day like this, sitting here with a glass of wine while my wife makes me dinner, makes me realize that it can be good.

When I've told her everything, I take a couple of sips of my wine as if I want to swallow all the words I've just said away. In the meantime, I watch as Ana finishes the salad and walks around the breakfast bar after that.

On instinct, I turn my body and open my legs a little so she can stand in between them. Her soft, delegate fingers trace my lower lip and the cut that Carrick left behind when he tried to defend himself.

"Does it hurt?" Her soft, emotional voice asks me. She is moving her fingers in hopes she will heal it and I close my eyes as I enjoy her touch. She is healing me.

"No," I shake my head, "I didn't even feel it. I just tasted the blood after I walked out of the hotel. I guess the adrenaline made sure I didn't feel anything but the rage."

She nods her head, "adrenaline does that. I felt the same when I attacked Leila. Both times." As she says it, I hear a small glimmer of pride fill her voice and it makes me smile. She should feel proud. I feel proud too.

She leans forward and carefully kisses my lower lip, healing it a little more. The soft, tender gesture warms my heart and hardens my dick, and I know she can tell but she ignores it with a small smirk on her face before she grabs the salad she just made.

"Eat your vegetables, Mr. Grey."

I smirk and start eating the salad with mozzarella and tomato she made for me. It tastes amazing and for a moment I just enjoy it. Ana is drinking her water while she carefully watches me.

"How did it go in Kirkland?" I ask her after a minute. I'm dying to know how it went.

Her cheeks heat up and she bites her lip while she breaks eye contact for just a moment. It shows me she is nervous about telling me about it and I wonder why. I know I've never really told her that I'm okay with her forgiving her parents, but I did tell her that I wouldn't force her to choose. I thought that that was enough.

"It was nice," she smiles when her eyes move back up to mine. "They apologized for what they did. They wish it was different, but at the time my dad didn't know what to do. All he could think of was getting me better and in his eyes, the best change was the care hotel in Kirkland. They needed the money, that's the only reason he agreed with your dad. He had no idea that the choice he made then, would have such an impact. He really didn't know. It wasn't because he hated you, it was because he loves me."

Her voice cracks as she tells me what her parents told her. It is information that I already knew. I saw it in Ray's eyes when he told me what Carrick did. It was never about me. It was about his sick daughter. I hate him for it, but I do understand where he is coming from.

"I forgave them, Christian, and I hope that one day you will be able to forgive them as well. They are good people who made a mistake, but they did it for their love for their daughter. And I don't ask you to be best friends with them, but I just hope you will let them in. They've missed our wedding day because of the whole situation, and trust me when I say that it was perfect without them, but I don't want them to miss more. I need them." She is sobbing while she is holding the breakfast bar as if she needs all her energy and strength to convince me.

"Baby," I whisper as I pull her in between my legs once more, "I understand. I'm happy that you forgave them. They need you and you need them. I'm starting to forgive them, and for you, I will move heaven and earth to make it happen. I love you, Ana and I would never ask you to stop the contact with your parents. I know what they mean to you. They won't miss anything else, I promise."

She nods her head and buries her head in my neck while she cries. It's the nerves, the anger, and the lack of sleep that's coming out, and I just rub her back and tell her to let it out. She needs it, and I want to help her get through it.

"What about your mom?" She mumbles after minutes, her sobs still heavy but the crying has stopped.

I shrug and grab my wine with my right hand while my left arm is still around her. "We need time. A lot of time. She explained why she didn't leave him and why she let it all happen, and I understand to some extent, but I don't know if it's enough. I will try, but it'll take a lot of time and work from her side to get back trust. And I won't have that if she decides to stay with Carrick."

"Do you think she'll stay with him after everything?" Ana's eyes are wide with disbelieve. It's good to know that she wouldn't tolerate that shit from me. She is strong.

I shake my head. "I don't think she will. The way she looked at him, it was almost as if she saw the real Carrick Grey for the first time. I doubt that she will ever see the guy he once was again in him. She just needs to accept that that guy doesn't exist anymore, and she can only do that if she lets him go. I hope she will because it will kill her if she doesn't. I'm not helping her with it though, she needs to do it on her own, and after that, we can work on our bond."

"You're a wise man, Mr. Grey," she sweetly smiles, a proud expression on her face. I love it when she looks at me like that.

"You feel tense," she says as she moves her hands over my shoulders, feeling the hard muscles flex. It's true. Ever since I walked out of the Heathman, I feel tense and sore.

"I am."

"If you eat your salad, I'll turn on the sauna. I think we both deserve that after a day like this," she says while she steps out of my arms again, "after that we can have a bath and then you can finally sleep in your own bed again."

The thought of Ana and me in the sauna together, makes me want to skip dinner and just get on with it, but since the salad is really good and I don't want to disrespect Ana her cooking skills, I just nod my head and start eating like a starved man.

It makes Ana giggle knowingly, but I don't care if she knows what I'm doing. It's not a secret that I want her. That I need her to erase everything that happened today. I know she feels the same.

"I'll see you when you're done," she smiles and then turns around to make her way to the sauna. Just before she walks out of sight, she turns around one more time. "Make sure you drink some water. You need to stay hydrated."

My little tease. The wink she gives me before she disappears out of view is a promise for something that I've needed since last night and I just know that hitting the sauna will never be the same. Not now that Ana is my wife.

* * *

I've eaten my salad. I drank two glasses of cold water and I left the wine for another time. I got rid of my clothes soon after that, and I'm now standing in front of the entrance of my sauna, towel around my waist to hide the constant need for my wife, even though she'll know it's there the moment she sees me.

And for a moment I just stand there. I try to calm down and think about how I want this to go. Since she left last night, all I could think of was making love to her. Burry myself inside of her deeply, slowly rocking in and out and just letting her know how much she means to me with my body. I wanted to love her with my body.

But that has changed now that my little tease is waiting for me behind this door.

She probably didn't even mean to be a tease. She was just concerned about my health and advised me to drink water because I was drinking wine. Alcohol and the warmth of the sauna aren't an ideal combination.

But that's not what my body understood.

My body and brain saw it as an invite and now I want to fuck her senseless in this sauna. I want to claim her, let her know that I am the only one who can make her feel out of control. I want to feel her sweaty, warm, wet body move against mine while I slam into her without mercy.

I want to shoot inside her so deep, that a part of me stays inside of her for the next nine months.

I want to love her. Desperately and hard. And after that, when I have her in my bed while we look at the photo of the cliff where we said I do, I will cherish her body and make love to her like I intended to do.

I take a deep breath and will myself to calm down. I need to because I just know that if I don't, I will be jumping on Ana the moment I open the door.

When I feel steady enough, I make my way into the sauna. The heat that welcomes me instantly feels amazing on my tensed body, and for a moment I'm able to relax.

Just a moment though, because when my eyes finally find my wife, every muscle in tensed again, including the one in between my legs.

"That took you longer than I expected," she smiles, her cheeks deliciously pink. Her hair is in a messy bun on top of her head, her back is against the wooden wall and she has a white bath towel wrapped around her. She looks like an angel in white.

"I needed to drink two glasses of water," I lamely respond, completely fixated on her. I can't even think straight.

When I placed the sauna into this house, it was in the first place for me to use after a day at work. My job is very physical, I carry around heavy stuff all the time which isn't ideal for my back. After a long day, the heat of the sauna works amazingly against soreness.

But every time I sat in this sauna, my mind drifted to her. The thought of her accompanying me, it drove me insane. Not just the fact that she would be accompanying me naked. Not going to lie, it was a fantasy that I used a lot while jerking off, but also just the idea of us in here, after work. Just talking, relaxing and being together, I craved it when I was in here alone.

And now I'm not alone anymore.

"Two glasses. You have plans," Ana smirks. I love how she is so much more comfortable. She is teasing and I just can't get enough of that new awoken side of her.

"It can get pretty hot in here," I tell her, hoping that she caught my double meaning behind it.

"I figured. I'm in here for five minutes and it's really warm already," she answers while her eyes follow my body as I take a seat across from her.

I try not to act too eager. I want to make her wait for it a bit, even though her wide pupils and hooded eyes tell me she is ready. I do need the warmth to relax after all.

"How long do you usually stay in here?" She asks when she realizes that I'm not making any movement towards her. She even sounds a little annoyed which makes me smile.

She is so ready for me.

"For about twenty to thirty minutes. After that, it's really too much."

She nods her head and then stays silent. I take the opportunity to close my eyes and let my head fall back against the wall for a moment. Today has been a whirlwind, and I think I've never been happier that I installed this sauna.

Minutes pass in which I carefully listen to Ana's breathing. It's going faster the longer I stay put, and I'm enjoying it immensely. I'm curious if she will just take matters in her own hand when she is tired of waiting. I hope so. I think I'll wait for that.

Thankfully, I don't have to wait long, because, after another two minutes or so, I feel Ana's soft hands on my upper legs. When I open my eyes and look down, I find her seated in between my legs, her nails slowly scratching their way up under my towel.

"Hi," she breathes, her ocean blue eyes intensely staring at my grey ones.

"Hi," I reply, just as out of breath as her. My heart is beating a mile a minute and it almost feels as if I'm having a heart attack. She looks so good while kneeling in front of me. The lust in her eyes, her plump lips slightly open to give room to her tongue, it's insanely sexy.

"Was this one of your fantasies? Me on my knees in front of you, in your sauna?"

Her question takes me by surprise. It's as if she can read my thoughts. I can only nod my head, confirming to her that this is the exact image I've been thinking about more than once.

"What did I do next?" Her cheeks turn redder but her eyes stay locked to mine. She likes it when I talk to her, it's why she is asking me this. And I'm more than happy to tell her just exactly what she was doing in my dreams.

"You would start with taking off the towel," I begin, her hands now dangerously close to my cock, making it bump up. "And you would wrap your soft hands around my hard cock, helping me out of my misery just a bit."

Her hands leave my legs for a second to open the towel before they move back. "Are you really in that much misery? Does it hurt to be this hard?" She looks at my hard dick with a frown while she inspects it intently, and it looks cute as fuck.

"No baby," I chuckle, "it doesn't hurt, but it would be very welcomed if you touch it now, it takes off the tension a bit."

She nods her head and wraps her right hand around me, squeezing a few times before she starts to stroke me. Her eyes never leave mine while she does so, and I can't help but give over to her and to the pleasure she is giving me.

Her movement stays slow, never changing the pace. While her right-hand works on me, the nails on her left hand dig in my upper leg which just adds something extra to the pleasure.

When her hand starts to stroke me a little faster, I close my eyes and let my head fall back. I love it that she knows exactly what I like. The way she moves her hand, it's like she was made to stroke my dick and the idea that it's always only been my dick is just insane.

But that isn't all.

Just when her hand moves down my shaft, I feel her wet tongue move over my tip, making me jump in surprise and instantly open my eyes so I don't miss anything she's doing.

Her tongue is moving over my tip in circles, teasing me, not bearly giving me enough. Her eyes are hooded but still focussed on my face, carefully watching my reaction. Shivers run through me as her tongue licks over my sensitive flesh and just when I think I can't take it anymore, she takes me in.

"Oh, baby, just like this," I hiss while she wraps her mouth around my tip. She is still moving her tongue around me but is also using suction and it feels amazing.

When she moans around my cock as if it's the best thing she's ever tasted, my hands fly into her hair. My right hand in her neck and my left wrapped around her bun. I don't guide her, I just make sure she doesn't pull away. It feels too good.

I feel her take me in a little more. Every time she moves down, she tries to take in a little more of me, and I can't help but let my hands move her down every time as well. She is driving me crazy.

When my enthusiasm gets ahold of me and I push myself into her mouth a little too far, I hear her gag and immediately let go. She releases me from her mouth and as she looks at me, I see a few lost tears on her cheek.

"That was a little too much," she blushes while wiping her tears away.

"I'm sorry. You're amazing though."

She giggles as she lazily strokes me, her left hand paying attention to my balls. She can do this for hours and I wouldn't get tired of it.

"What else did you fantasize about?" Her voice is husky and sexy, her face wet with sweat and her whole body is pink. She looks so good like this.

I move forward a little so our noses touch and move my thumb over her plump lower lip. My other hand moves into her hair. "I want to fuck you. Here. Hard."

She doesn't blink, she doesn't look surprised. She looks at me, her eyes begging me to do it. She wants it just as bad.

"But before I do that," I whisper while standing and pulling her up before guiding her to the spot I was just sitting, "I want to taste you."

Without waiting for her response, I place her feet on the bench and then open her towel. She doesn't hide, she just looks at me curiously, her teeth in her lip.

I move my finger to her chin and release her lip before I let it go down over her chin, her sternum, her belly and the short soft hairs that start to grow back until I reach her lips.

"Do you like it more when I'm bare?" Her soft voice asks, sounding a little unsure.

"No," I say honestly, without thinking, "I like this. It's so soft. It suits you." I kiss her pubic bone to give the words more power, enjoying her scent as I come close. She smells so good and it brings back so many memories.

I run my nose through her slit once, feeling her arousal and I can't wait for it any longer. Without warning her, I dive in. My hands grab her ankles and prevent her from closing her legs as I feast on her like a starved man.

Fuck, I've missed this.

I let my tongue move in figures over her and sometimes I suck on her clit. Her hands are nestled in my hair and pull me against her. The way she reacts to me, the way she smells and taste, it's almost too good. My cock has never been this hard.

"Don't stop, please," she whimpers. I can tell she is already close. I feel her legs tremble and her back is starting to arch as well.

I know she will hate for what I am about to do, but I can't help it. I need to feel her squeeze around my dick when she comes. I have been looking forward to that all day.

When I pull back, Ana lets out a groan that comes from deep and her hands almost pull out my hair as she tries to move my mouth back to where she needs me.

I grab her hands and force her to let me go. "I'll make you come, baby. I promise. I just need to feel it when you come."

"But I was so close," she complains, completely out of breath and her expression actually a little insulted. My little nymph.

"How are you feeling?" I check, hoping that she is still okay with the warmth. I want to have her here, but if she is too warm, she needs to tell me.

"Wet and tensed. I need you."

My eyes widen as I hear the hunger in her voice. She is past the point of shy and my dick is almost exploding. I love Ana in every way, but this Ana is really one of my favorites.

"Turn around," I say and without any question, she does. She turns around, places her knees on the bench and sticks her ass out for me. She knows what I want, and all I have to do is slide in.

So that's exactly what I do.

I slide in, and the moment I do, everything fades. It's only her. Only me and her, nothing else. She is, without doubt, all I need.

"Oh yes," she cries as I slam into her with force, the sounds of our skin smashing against each other filling the small space. Every time I thrust in and my hips come in contact with her ass, it bounces deliciously, and if I didn't want to get her pregnant as soon as possible, I would've definitely shot my load all over that ass.

If I thought that she sauna was warm, I was wrong. Buried inside of Ana is even warmer. It's hot. And the way her walls wrap around me makes the sensation out if this world. The thought that I can have her like this whenever I want, drives me insane and makes me speed up my pace even more.

Ana's moans are the only thing I hear as I move in and out of her as hard as I can. Her walls are already tightening around me, and she is mumbling things I can't understand, indicating that she is close.

As her walls start to contract around me, I feel myself building as well, and as she screams out my name and her walls take my dick into a vice grip, I can't hold back any longer.

"ANA!" I shout while I spill into her, my whole body covered with sweat. I swear I'm even dripping onto her but you can't tell because Ana her body is also completely wet.

As I come down from my high, I feel her losing strength and I'm just in time to wrap my arm around her waist to prevent her from crashing to the floor.

"It's too much," she whispers and I know what she means.

It was too much. It was hard, intense, and too warm. And she needs to cool off.

"Don't worry baby, I've got you. Always." I mumble as I lift her in my arms and walk her out of the sauna.

The cool air hits my body and I instantly see goosebumps rise on Ana her skin as well. We need a quick shower, and then we finally can sleep. Together, in our own bed.

"Let me get you clean, baby. After that, you can sleep," I whisper as I feel her head against my shoulder getting heavier. I can feel her nod her head, but I know she is almost asleep already.

After I made sure we were both clean, I placed Ana in bed. She instantly fell asleep, she didn't even respond to the kiss I gave her and it made me smile.

On nights like these, I realize that she is really fragile and small compared to me. I'm even a little concerned that I was too rough with her just now, even though her whole body told me she loved it.

I make a quick round through the house, turn off the sauna and grab a glass of water for Ana in case she wakes up in the middle of the night and is thirsty. When everything is done, I walk back to the bedroom and what I find doesn't surprise me at all.

It was way too quiet anyway.

Bobby is lying on my side of the bed, right next to Ana. His head is hidden in the sheets. I feel like he thinks that if he doesn't see me, I don't see him either. Nice try.

"Bobby, out," I whisper as I move the sheets away from his head, finding him indeed awake. He doesn't move an inch though.

"Bobby," I warn, my tone a little more powerful but he still isn't impressed.

Only when I push him a few times, he moves off the bed and to his spot on the floor, his head down like he is disappointed and softly howling. I actually feel bad about it, but I know that I have to be constant in this.

I love the dog to death, but I won't share my bed with him. This bed is for Ana and me. He sleeps on the floor.

"Now you have pissed him off," Ana mumbles without opening her eyes, making me smile.

"There is water on your nightstand, you should drink it," I tell her while getting in beside her.

She sits up a little and drinks the whole glass in one go before she lies against me and starts to wiggle and turn to find that perfect fit. When she is comfortable, she sighs contently.

"I think we made a baby just now."

The smile on my face gets even bigger. I fucking hope we did.

"I hope so. Was I too rough? Are you really okay?" I ask, my hand moving up and down her back.

I feel her nod. "I'm more than okay. You weren't too rough."

"I love you," she softly says, already on the brink of sleep.

"I love you, baby. You are my life."

I lay awake for a couple of minutes, thinking over the whole day as Ana's breathing turns steady, indicating that she is fast asleep.

I feel my eyes get heavy pretty soon after that, and just as I'm about to give over to the sleep I desperately need, I feel the mattress move at my feet.

"You have got to be kidding me. Goddamnit, Bob."


	65. Chapter 65

Chapter 65: Party meets cute.

"We can turn on the barbecue? That way you don't have to cook. It's a nice day and Ava loves to play in the garden."

It's been five days since we both talked to our parents, and we have used the week to just relax. We both had a week of vacation left, so we decided to use that week to finally get some peace.

We didn't have contact with anyone. We even put our phones on mute, so nobody could disturb us. Nobody had a reason to disturb us, because, since Monday, everything has finally calmed down a bit. It's like everybody understood that we needed time for ourselves.

Time flew by while Christian and I didn't do anything exciting. We just stayed at home, we binged some series and we enjoyed each other. A lot. I can still feel how much we enjoyed each other.

I'm sore, but at the same time, I've never felt better. Every time I move, I am reminded of how much Christian loves and desires me and it feels amazing. The last few days, he has made it his mission to make me come at least five times a day. It's sometimes an issue to keep up with him but I love every minute of it.

"That's a nice idea," I nod.

We are having breakfast in bed right now. Breakfast that Christian made us, and we are discussing the day. Elliot, Kate and Ava, and José and Mandy are coming over for dinner today and we plan on showing them the wedding film as well.

I'm excited for José and Mandy to meet Elliot and Kate. I think they will like each other. I know that Kate will like them because in a way she reminds me of them. She is more mature and serious, but she has the same humor so I think it will be fun.

Christian can't wait to see Ava again. When I invited Elliot and Kate over for dinner, Kate told me that Ava kept asking about uncle Christian, so their reunion will be too cute.

"How late did you tell them they could come?" Christian asks before he takes a bite of his omelet.

Even though he just woke up and didn't do anything about his appearance, he still looks so good right now. He is sitting on top of the sheets in his black boxers, his hair all over the place and he hasn't trimmed his beard the whole week which is why it's a little longer than normal. I love it. His chest and abs have this delicious tan and he looks manly and rough.

"Ana?" He speaks again, a small grin on his face when I move my eyes from his body to his face, "I asked you a question."

"Sorry," I blush, "what was it?

He chuckles and moves his plate from his lap before he grabs my arms and pulls me on top of him, one leg on each side. "I asked how late everybody will be here."

It was distracting when I looked at him, but now that I also feel him, it's like I can't think properly. It's seriously starting to concern me that he has this effect on me.

The small hairs on his chest and the trail that leads down into his boxers are really distracting as well. They are a little lighter than before Italy and all I want to do is run my tongue over them. And his tattoo, God. I love his tattoo. Both of them. I want to lick them as well.

"Uhm, I... I'm not sure..," I stutter while I let my hands roam over his chest and abs. I think I'm drooling.

"Ana, focus!" Christian laughs, grabbing both my hands with his in hopes I will be able to tell him what he wants to know once I don't touch him.

"Right, around three, I think," I tell him seriously, determined to not let my body win this time. I'm acting like he didn't just wake me up with his head in between my legs.

"You think?" He raises his eyebrow, the smirk still there. "What the hell is going on in that head of yours?"

"Nothing," I immediately respond without thinking it over. I'm too busy thinking about how I want him to use those strong arms to lift me onto his face. Or how he uses those hands in my hair to set the tempo while I'm using my-

"Anastasia Grey!" He laughs while he pinches my sides, making me jump. "Are you seriously eye fucking me while I'm trying to have a conversation with you?"

My eyes widen and my cheeks turn even pinker. I could try and talk my way out of this, but I know it was too obvious. And I shouldn't be ashamed of it because I'm allowed to look at him. He is mine.

"Yes," I mumble, enjoying the way his eyes widen slightly while he licks his lips, his amused eyes never leaving mine. I also feel his body react to that simple word. Especially the part that I'm sitting on at the moment.

"You still haven't had enough?" His voice is soft and tempting, and all I can do is shake my head as an answer. I will never have enough of him.

"And what, my little, sexy thing, do you want then?"

The smirk on his face has now disappeared and instead of it, there is a full smile. He looks young and happy. His hands are still on my sides, his thumbs stroking me through my tank top. Even that simple touch sets my skin on fire.

"I want you," I breathe. I don't recognize my voice. I sound so sexual, it's weird.

"I sure hope you do," he laughs, "but that wasn't the question, baby. I want to know WHAT you want."

The whole week he has been asking me what I want, and the whole week I gave him the same answer. Him. He never needed to hear more. He always knew what I needed. But I could have known that there would come a time that he wants to hear it from me.

For a moment I think about what I really want. I love it when he is on top of me because that way I truly feel that we are just the two in this world, but I also like it when I'm on top. I have the best view when I'm on top.

I gather all the courage and straighten my shoulders before I take a deep breath. "I want to feel you inside me, just like this," I tell him while I wiggle in his lap. As a reaction to the action, he takes a sharp breath, his eyes turning black all of the sudden.

"I love it when you tell me what you want, Ana. Fuck," he growls, "take off your panties, leave the tank top on."

The words haven't left his lips fully or I'm already on my feet, yanking my panties down and then I look at him expectantly. The huge smile can't seem to leave his face as he watches me.

"Eager, Mrs. Grey. I like that," he purs, "help me out." He nods to his boxers which now look even tighter because of his erection. It looks very impressive.

I jump back on the bed, in between his legs and yank his boxers down just as fast as I removed my panties. Because of it, his erection slams back on his stomach when it's released from the fabric, making him hiss.

"Careful, wife. We still need it," he jokes, obviously enjoying my eagerness very much.

"Sorry," I mumble, my eyes not even meeting his. I'm focussed on his thing. Every time I see it, I wonder how he can do all the things he does without actually hurting me. He is huge.

"I'll pretend that it sounded like you meant it," he chuckles as he slides up the bed, his back against the headboard of our bed. "Come here, little nymph," he beckons, his inviting arms open for me to jump in.

I wait no time and climb back onto his lap. My cheeks are burning and there is a constant feeling of nervousness when we do it like this, but right now the courage is taking over.

Christian grabs his member and positions it for me, and while I'm holding his shoulders, I let myself slowly sink onto him. Immediately, the full, stretching feeling takes over, and even though the sting is there, the feeling of being complete again is stronger.

This is how it's supposed to be.

"Oh, Ana, you have no idea how good this is," Christian mumbles while he buries his face in my neck, his arms are wrapped tightly around my waist, our chests flush against each other. We are so close, we're one.

I slowly move my hips in circles. It's hardly called a movement, but it enough for both of us.

"I do. I do know how good this is."

He pulls back and looks at me, our noses touching as I slowly repeat the movements with my hips. His eyes are boring into mine, the intensity of his stare almost enough to send me over the edge.

"You've changed so much," he pants, his voice full of emotion, "I remember when you first moved on me like this, in Italy, ten years ago. You were so shy and careful. It's amazing to see you like this, Ana."

His little speech takes me by surprise a little and without even knowing it, I have stopped moving. His hands have moved down to my hips, where he holds me still. I feel him pulsating inside me. This is very intimate.

"I remember it too," I say, emotion in my voice as well. Without purposely thinking about it, we always end up thinking about what happened. The good and the bad, it always comes through.

We've talked about that and we both came to the conclusion that it didn't bother to talk about it as much as it did when we first saw each other again. I feel like we both accepted that it happened and that we are now using it to move forward.

The fact that we are living together, are married and trying for a baby also helps of course. Now, it's something that makes our story unique.

"I'm so proud of you," he compliments before he captures my mouth and kisses me lovingly and desperately.

Without pulling back from the kiss, I slowly start to move again. His hands move to my behind, and his nails dig into the skin there as if he knows that I needed the little sting even before I knew it myself.

He can read my body like a book.

"I love you," I mumble against his lips when I feel him moving away only a little.

"I love you," he replies, his voice almost weak, "please, Ana, move a little faster. Ride me, come on. I need to you ride me good."

His words are the fuel that I need to start moving. He is giving me a kind of self-assurance that I never had. Because of him, I feel sexy and enough. It's amazing how he made me feel like that from the first moment I saw him. It was as if he, even back then, knew what I needed.

I feel his hand on my chin and he moves my face up so we make eye contact again. His mouth is open, his tongue is darting out to wet his lips and he is looking at me as if he knows what I'm thinking about. "Stop thinking. Lose yourself," is all he whispers.

And I do.

* * *

"Well, hello. This is impressive," José whistles as he looks around while standing in the middle of our living room, eyes wide and mouth open.

He and Mandy arrived fifteen minutes ago and immediately demanded a tour. And of course, I wasn't able to wait any longer, so we started right away. I've shown them the whole house and saved the living room for last since this was the final destination.

"It's amazing with these huge windows," Mandy says, just as impressed as José.

"I know. And to think that Christian designed everything when he didn't have any experience in construction. He really has the talent."

They both nod in agreement while walking around and looking out of the windows. They seem speechless yet again, and it makes me giggle. Two times in a month that I managed to accomplish that now. It's a little concerning.

"And then me had to sit on the naughty chair and Bobby in the corner," I hear Ava's sweet voice say, indicating that Elliot and Kate have arrived as well.

When I turn around, I see Christian come into view with on his hip Ava. She is holding her pink rabbit, her hair is into ponytails and her cheeks are red from excitement. She is chatting to Christian enthusiastically about what she and Bobby did while we were in Italy and it is, without doubt, the cutest thing I've ever seen.

The endeared smile on Christian's face almost melts my heart. He is looking at Ava with interest, his eyes a little wider and he is nodding to let her know he understands. I can tell he is very happy to see her again.

Behind them, Elliot and Kate also walk into the living room. They both look well rested and I'm happy about that. The last time I saw Kate when we drove from Portland to Bellevue, she looked tired. I hope they had time to enjoy their family without any of the drama, just like Christian and I did.

"Hi, Ana," Kate smiles before she hugs me. We have been texting back and forth this week, about random things, and it's great. Kate and I really get along, and I see why Christian adores her so much. She is amazing.

Hi," I smile, "how are you feeling?" She told me she was having morning sickness for three days. It's worse than with Ava which is why she thinks the baby is a boy.

"I'm fine now. I feel like waking up is the thing that does it, so now I'm seriously thinking about staying awake," she jokes.

Since Mandy already knows Kate and Elliot a little bit as Ava's parents, I was a little nervous about tonight. I hoped it wouldn't be awkward. Not just for us, but also for Ava. It must be weird to suddenly have dinner with her two teachers.

But fortunately, after I introduce everybody that doesn't know each other, things seem to go on its own. Ava is over the moon that both Mandy and I are here to have dinner with her, and after ten minutes, she and José are talking about all the girl stuff you can imagine.

We are all sitting outside and Elliot and Christian are standing behind the barbecue, preparing the food. It's a relaxed evening outside and for the first time we since we see each other again, I feel like we are really moving forward.

And this is how the future will look like. Ava running around, hopefully with a little brother or sister and niece or nephew soon. I feel like we are a family.

When the food is done and we are all sitting at the table, the subject does turn back to the day at the Heathman. Just one more time, to talk about everything. Mandy and José have been informed about what happened by me, not in great detail but they know enough to understand what we are talking about.

Christian was the one who suggested to tell them since he was certain the conversation would lead to that subject. He didn't want José and Mandy to feel uncomfortable when that happened and he also said that since they are his friends now as well, they should know. It was sweet.

"Have you talked to mom and Mia at all?" Elliot asks Christian who immediately shakes his head.

"I haven't. I feel like mom needs to sort out her shit first plus, I just wanted some time without anyone. Time that I would've spent in Italy if you hadn't called me. Have you spoken to them?"

To my surprise, Elliot nods his head. I really didn't expect him to call them since Christian told me that he was just as furious.

"I've spoken to Mia. She told me what happened after we walked out. Apparently, the asshole just complained about how we were raised and mom just couldn't handle that, obviously. She completely lost it. Mia had to hold her back and all. I actually regret that we walked away. I would've loved to see mom going at dad." He chuckles, but after that, he turns serious again.

"Of course, mom got that pissed because it was, indirectly, criticism against grams and gramps as well. Dad knows they were the ones that raised us as well and he deliberately tried to hurt mom by saying that. It makes me see red too. Hell, even Mia was furious when she heard that. Mom and she both haven't spoken to him since that day."

Christian is listening intently, trying really hard to keep himself calm. I can see him tense the more Elliot talks and I know he wants to drive back to the Heathman to finish what he started a week ago.

"What the actual fuck is his problem? Why the hell does he try that hard to make us hate him?" He growls through gritted teeth, and not too loud since Ava is just a few feet away.

"Fuck do I know," Elliot replies before he takes his wine, "but I don't really care to be honest. Every time I think about it, I realize that I'm wasting my time. It takes all but two seconds for me to realize that I have so much more important people that I want to give my time. I have a beautiful wife, a gorgeous daughter and another little one on the way. They deserve that time. They make me happy. I'm done talking and thinking about that asshole. He doesn't have the pleasure of getting me furious anymore Chris, and you shouldn't give him that either."

Christian lets Elliot's words sink in for a moment and then I see him determinedly nod his head as if he is forcing himself to not give a shit anymore either. Although I have a feeling that it will take a little more time for him to actually feel it like that, I'm glad that he is trying. Elliot is right. Carrick doesn't deserve their thoughts.

"So, mom and Mia are also ready to cut ties?"

Elliot shrugs. "For now. I mean, I think mom is finally ready to let go. It's going to be difficult for her, but I think she is choosing herself for once. As for Mia, you never know with her. And we need to keep in mind that it is her dad. He treated her like his kid, so I can understand that she wants to stay in touch. It's up to her, it wouldn't change anything for me. She is my sister and I love her."

"It wouldn't change anything for me either," Christian agrees, "and I hope mom chooses herself. I will call them in a couple of days, to ask how things go."

I grab his hand and squeeze it softly, letting him know that I'm proud of him for staying calm while he gets this new information about Carrick, his mom, and Mia. He is really trying his best.

"Anyway, who wants some ribs?" Elliot changes the subject after he gave Kate a kiss. I can tell Kate got a little emotional when she heard Elliot talk about her and Ava.

"Oh, I love ribs, I'm just not a fan of eating them with my hands. That bone and everything," José says while waving his manicured hand to explain.

"Oh God," Kate gasps, "tell me about it. Don't worry, Ell will get the meat from the bone for you, right babe? He always does that for me."

And just like that, the whole table laughs while Kate and José are deadly serious and Elliot just rolls his eyes. I can tell that José and Kate will be good friends since they even have this in common.

While Elliot walks back to the barbecue, Christian stands up as well. Before he walks over to Elliot to help, he stands behind me, leans down and wraps his arms around my shoulders, his lips touching my ear.

"Are you happy, baby?"

I nod my head and turn a little so I can give him a kiss. "Very happy. I'm finally home."

He nods and kisses me one more time. "Where you belong," he whispers before he stands and walks to Elliot.

He is right. I look around the table and just let everything sink in. This is where I belong.


	66. Chapter 66

Chapter 66: Happy anniversary.

Today is the day that I've always hated. I always dreaded this day, always felt sick. It always brought me back to the day that I had to let her go. I've always wanted to spend this day in bed, with the sheets over my head and no one to bother me. And that's very difficult considering the worst day of my life was always my birthday.

It's June 18th. And today ten years ago, I said goodbye to Ana.

But today is different.

Right now, I've just woken up and for the first time, there is a smile on my face when I realize it is June 18th and it has everything to do with the soft, sweet voice that is singing happy birthday for me.

When I open my eyes, I find her standing next to our bed with a small cupcake in her hand. On the cupcake is a little candle and while she is singing for me, her smile makes me weak. She is amazing.

"Happy birthday to you," she finishes the song before she carefully climbs onto the bed and in between my legs.

"Good morning," she whispers, "It's a bit cheezy, but I had to improvise because Bobby ate your cake."

I laugh as I see her expression. She always chooses Bobby's side when something happens, but I think that this time she really got mad at him.

"It's cute. You can wake me like this every day," I smile as I sit up a little and kiss her nose.

She smiles and then holds up the cupcake. "Don't forget to make a wish," she whispers as she nods for me to blow out the candle.

I do as she says. I have no idea what kind of wish I need to make because I already have her here with me. She is everything I always wanted, literally. I've waited ten years for her.

"You know I didn't turn one right?" I joke after I blew out the candle.

"I know," she giggles, ''but this stands for your first Birthday with me. Next year I'll give you two candles."

I smile and grab the cupcake out of her hands and place it on the nightstand before I pull her to me so she is lying on top of me.

"Can I have a kiss?" I mumble against her lips. I know I don't have to ask because I can tell she was just about to kiss me.

She nods her head and then places her lips on mine. It starts soft and gentle, but soon it gets heated and just as I'm moving my hands down to her ass, she pulls back.

"No," she firmly says, sounding out of breath, "we don't have time. It's almost six and Elliot will be here in twenty minutes to pick you up."

I groan and let my hands go to her ass anyway, firmly squeezing her cheeks. "Fuck work," I mumble, "Ell will understand that birthday sex is above work. I've waited nine birthdays for birthday sex."

I attack her neck while she laughs and tries to push me away. "You promised, Christian. Come on. You will get your birthday sex after work."

I roll my eyes and let her go, knowing that she won't give in. She made me promise to go to work today. She took the day off and needs to have the house to prepare. For what? I have no fucking clue, but I can't come home before four.

"You are a little tease, Ana. Waking me up while wearing only my shirt. You know what that does to me," I complain as I watch her get off the bed and open the curtains.

She just rolls her eyes, the smile still on her face. "You think I'm a tease anyway, it doesn't matter what I wear. I didn't even put this on for you. I woke up like this."

I stand from the bed as well and walk over to her before I wrap my arms around her waist, my front against her back as I nuzzle her hair. "You woke up like this, you say? I'm a lucky man."

Her hands move over mine. They are resting on her belly. I tend to do that a lot these days while fantasizing about what it would be like if I do this while she is pregnant. I know we have only been trying for a month, but I'm impatient as fuck.

"You are a lucky man, Mr. Grey," her soft voice pulls me back to the here and now.

"Mmhmm," I mumble as I move my mouth to her neck, kissing my way to her lobe before I pull it in and bite in it. She leans her head to the side to give me room while her nails start to draw circles in my hands.

Just when I think I am getting that birthday sex, after all, she gasps, making me jump. "Oh, you are evil!"

"What?" I fake innocence while I feel her slip out of my arms.

"Get dressed, now. I'll see you in the kitchen in a few. If you hurry, you can eat some of the breakfast I made you."

With a smile on her face, she turns around and walks out of our bedroom, leaving me with a huge hard-on behind. And she doesn't even care. For a moment I think that she maybe will come back, but after two minutes of standing in the middle of the room with my mouth open like a loser, I realize she isn't planning on coming back.

Such a little tease.

* * *

"Happy Birthday, man," David slams my shoulder while he shakes my hand.

Ellipt and I have just arrived at the house where we have been working for two weeks now. It's a total renovation and we are here with six to do the job. It has actually been a while since Elliot and I have worked on one together, so we are enjoying it.

"Thanks, man," I say and then I greet the other three guys that congratulate me as well.

"Coffee?" Clint asks, already holding a cup up for me.

"Thanks." I nod and take a seat, "so, plan for today?" I ask since everybody is already here. I assume they've already talked about it.

"The walls on the first and second floor, electricity in the kitchen and someone needs to check the pipes in the bathroom. If there is time after that, I think we can start on the window in the master bedroom as well," Elliot explains.

Normally, I make the planning, but since I have Ana back in my life, Elliot and I had another good look at the way things were divided. We have changed a few things, so we both have the same amount of tasks now and the planning for this project is on Elliot.

I nod my head and soon I am sucked in by my work. As much as I love spending time at home with Ana, I love this as well. I can get out all my energy and make something nice at the same time. Seeing how people react to what we've built or renovated, is really a thrill.

The day flies and before I know it, it's lunchtime. Just as Elliot and I are sitting in the garden of the house, ready to dive into our lunchboxes, my phone goes off. When I look at the caller ID, my eyes widen in surprise.

"Fuck," I say while showing Elliot the screen, "look who is calling."

Elliot's eyes widen in surprise as well. "What does he want?"

"The fuck I know."

"Answer it," Elliot nods, obviously eager to know the reason.

I nod and push the green button before I put the phone on speaker as well. "Mr. Tang," I begin, "how can I help you?"

"Mr. Grey, I'm happy you take my call," he begins, sounding a little nervous. "Let me begin by apologizing for how our dinner went last time we saw each other. If I had known about the past of Leila and Anastasia, I would've never brought her along."

I roll my eyes as he voices the obvious. Of course, he wouldn't have brought her along then. I wouldn't have taken Ana with me either. As a matter of fact, the whole dinner wouldn't even have taken place if I had known.

"Okay," I say, a little unsure of what he wants to hear.

"I'm calling you to inform you of some development," he starts again when he realizes I'm not really saying anything else, "I still want Grey Constructions to build my hotel."

I frown and look at Elliot, who is now rolling his eyes as well.  
"I'm sorry, Mr. Tang, but I fail to see how that is development," I say.

"Right," he mumbles, obviously confused. The poor man is really nervous. I can tell. "Without sharing too many details about my private life," he starts again, now a little more certain. "My wife and I have decided to divorce. She is no longer with me and because of that, this hotel will not be under her watch anymore."

Elliot sits up and I have to say I'm suddenly a lot more interested in what Tang has to say as well.

"I want you to do the job," he begins again when he doesn't get any reaction. "Out of all the potential companies I spoke to, Grey Constructions was the only one that understood the things I wanted and how I wanted them. The way you work with material and the ideas you gave, were always the reason I wanted you for the job."

Holy fuck.

"And now that Leila Williams isn't an issue anymore, I sincerely hope that you will think about this again," he finishes, sounding hopeful.

There are so many things going through my head right now, I can't even think straight. Elliot and I need to talk about this, even though I know the answer. We also need to hire more people if we're really going to do this.

But, before I get too excited, I need to know one more thing.

"Is there any chance that my wife or anyone I know will hear from your ex-wife again?"

My question is taking him by surprise because he stays silent for a few seconds. When he has got his answer together, he speaks again.

"I would be surprised. She isn't able to come near anyone since she is in custody," he explains, "it turns out that my ex-wife had a double agenda. I don't want to give any more details, but you can trust me when I say she won't be coming out any time soon."

Immediately, every scenario about what Leila had done runs through my mind. It probably has something to do with Mr. Tang's money. I wouldn't be surprised if he found out she is taking money from him without him knowing about it. Maybe she even has another man in her life that encouraged her to do this.

I would love to know more about this, but I realize that it isn't my business. The man called me to ask if I still want to build his hotel, and we need to decide about that, not speculate about what happened with his ex-wife.

"I have to discuss this with my partner," I tell Mr. Tang, not wanting to sound too eager.

"Of course. I hope to hear from you soon, with good news."

"I'll call back as soon as we know the answer," I nod before I disconnect the call and look at Elliot, who is sitting next to me with a look of disbelieve on his face.

"Holy fucking shit," he mumbles before a huge smile appears on his face.

Indeed, holy shit.

* * *

"I'm home!" I call out the moment I step foot into our house, eager to know what Ana has planned.

I kick off my shoes and then walk further into the house. I'm surprised that neither Ana of Bobby greeted me yet. Normally when I open the door, Bobby is already standing behind it.

When I step foot in the living room, I find the reason for the lack of greeting at the door. The whole living room is dark and in the middle lies a red and white blanket. On top of it is Ana, with in front of her all kinds of food. She is surrounded by candles that light the place, but all that is not what gets my attention.

My attention is only on her. She has put on a little make-up, her hair falls in loose curls down and she is wearing her glasses, probably because I've told her more than once how sexy I find it when she wears them. She is sitting with her legs to one side, wearing a black, silk short robe. She isn't wearing shoes and she looks good enough to eat.

I want to eat her.

"Hi," her shy, sweet smile greets me, my eyes still not finding hers. I'm too busy looking at everything else she has to offer.

"Hi," I reply when I've finally found my voice. She truly leaves me speechless sometimes.

"How was work?" she asks while she stands from the blanket and walks over to me, her gorgeous legs stealing my gaze away from her eyes. Fuck, she is a dream.

"Good, busy," I mumble, not really thinking about what I say. I want to tell her about Mr. Tang, but words just don't seem to pop up. I am speechless.

She nods her head, a small smile playing on her lips while she watches me. She is enjoying my reaction just as much as I enjoy looking at her.

When she is close enough, her hands find the collar of my shirt and pull me to her before she plants a kiss on my mouth. "Welcome home," she smiles, "are you joining me?"

Her voice is seductive and low, and I swear that my cock is eager to get this party started, but judging all the food, I think he has to wait a little longer. Besides, I'm starving.

I nod and let her lead me to the blanket, where she sits down. "Maybe I should take a quick shower," I tell her when I remind myself that I just got home from a construction site.

Before I finish my sentence, she is already shaking her head. "No, I like you like this. It's sexy," her blush creeps up while she says it, and her voice is a little shy, but my wife knows what she wants and I love it.

Without asking further questions, I take place on the blanket as well. While I look at all the food, I realize that they are all Italian specialties. Pizza, all kinds of pasta and tiramisu are one of the things that we are about to eat.

"Did you prepare all this?"

She shyly nods her head. "Yeah, that's why I needed you to go to work. I needed the kitchen. It was a challenge with Bobby around, but I managed it."

I smile and nod my head. "Where is Bob now?" I ask, hoping that he is far away from here so I can have Ana as dessert, right here on this blanket.

"He is in the bedroom. I gave him all his toys and put on some music so he doesn't feel alone. I hope he will be okay in there for a few hours. I had a long walk with him right before, so I think he is asleep."

"So, I have you all to myself?" I'm sounding like an impatient, way too eager child, ready to pounce on, but I can't help it. Even her scent is teasing me now that I'm sitting this close to her.

"All yours," she bites her lip. It's clearly her mission to murder me.

"Let's eat," she smiles while she gestures to the food, obviously wanting to torture me a little longer, but since all the food looks mouthwatering as well, I settle for it for now.

"How was work?" She repeats her question.

"Good," I smile while I take a slice of pizza, "very good actually. Mr. Tang called. He still wants us to do the job. He explained that he and Leila are going through a divorce and that she is in custody. He didn't want to go into detail, so I don't really know why, but I guess it has something to do with money." I watch her reaction carefully, looking for any sign that she isn't comfortable with us doing the job. If she isn't comfortable with it, I won't do it.

"Wow," she says after she has let it sink in for a moment. "Talk about karma."

I chuckle and nod my head, "yeah, she got what she deserved. Elliot and I think that Mr. Tang finally found out why Leila was with him. Maybe she tried to ship money away or something. Anyway, it means she won't be bothering you ever again. And we hope it also means that we can take the job."

I look at her and see that she has a confused look on her face. "What are you waiting for? It sounds like both of you want to take it."

"For you. Elliot and I both agreed that if you are okay with this, we'll call him tomorrow to tell him we want to do it. If you are only a little uncomfortable with it, I won't do it. You come before everything, Ana." I tell her honestly. It's up to her.

"Oh, Christian, of course, I'm okay with it. Leila is out of the picture and this project will be the big breakthrough for Grey Constructions. If you and Elliot want to do it, you should. I'm absolutely okay with it." Her smile is genuine and sweet, her eyes filled with pride while she looks at me.

"Okay," I smile. She knows what we want and she is amazing for supporting us, even after that horrible dinner.

"Okay," she smiles back before she takes a bite of pasta.

I continue to eat as well, and we eat in comfortable silence. Sometimes we talk about Italy, about this day ten years ago. Sitting here now makes it hard to believe that that day has been that long ago.

It feels like all the terror, hurt and lost time is making up for it now that we are sitting here, the two of us, enjoying every free time we have together. We're healing.

"So, I haven't really got any presents for you," Ana starts after we have eaten. Her cheeks are red and she looks a little ashamed which is ridiculous.

"You didn't have to get me anything, baby," I interrupt, "you've made me dinner, did all this," I wave around the room, "and you are here with me. It's all I need," I tell her while I pull her on my lap, as always with her legs on either side of mine.

"Okay, but let me talk for a moment," she giggles, her hands fumbling with the collar of my shirt as if she is a little nervous. It's so damn cute.

"I didn't know what to buy you, so I was planning on taking you out sometime. I've read that you can rent a boat and then go over the Sound, so I thought that we could do that since you liked that so much in Italy, before we were interrupted." She explains.

"That sounds amazing," I smile. I would love to take Ana out on the water again. Preferably, when the weather is warm, so she can wear that bikini again.

"Right," she smiles, "I wanted to write that in a card and give it to you, so it was a bit more surprising, but something came in between today, so I didn't have the time."

"That's okay, making dinner was really enough, Ana," I frown. I don't really know why she is making a big deal out of this. I'm honestly happy with what she did. And I also find it weird that she looks this nervous all of the sudden.

"Yeah, well," she starts, leaning back slightly, her hands now fumbling with her robe which is insanely sexy. "Another thing came between."

I look at her questioningly. "Okay, I think I'm losing you, baby," I tell her.

Without saying anything else and with her lower lip trapped between her teeth, he grabs my hands from her hips and moves them to her robe as well. When her eyes find mine again, she gives me a barely there nod.

"Baby? What's going on?" I'm really confused now, I'm even starting to worry a bit. One second we are talking, and now suddenly she wants me to undress her? It's quite abrupt and out of nowhere, even though the sexual tension is always around the corner when we are in the same room.

"Just open it," she whispers, her cheeks even pinker than a minute ago. Her eyes are still showing nerves, but I also see a glimmer of excitement in them.

I take a breath and with suddenly shaking hands, I open her robe. She is wearing a black, lace bra, the patterns in perfect contrast with her porcelain skin. A matching thong, tiny as hell, shows her delicious lips slightly. She is looking sensational.

But it's not what takes my breath away.

The reason for my lack of oxygen is the red heart that is showing on her belly, drawn around her belly button with lipstick.

I feel her hands in my hair, stroking my scalp as I look at the little heart with wide, amazed eyes. I let my finger trace the heart for a moment, letting the meaning behind it sink in.

"Say it," I manage to get out. My voice is hoarse and full of emotion. I'm afraid to even blink, fearing that it's all a dream.

"I took a test this morning after you left. It was positive. I'm having your baby," her voice matches mine. Every emotion that I'm feeling, I hear them behind her words.

When I manage to pull my eyes away from her belly, I find her water filled eyes already staring at me. Her hands keep stroking me, calming me and preventing me from jumping up and spin her around.

She is pregnant. We are having a baby.

"Fuck, Ana, thank you," I whisper before I capture her mouth with mine. I try to kiss her in a way that tells her everything that I can't say out loud right now.

That she is making me the happiest man on the planet.

"Thank you," she sobs when we've both pulled away to catch our breath, "thank you for giving me this."

We both cry. We both laugh. I let my hands move over her belly countless of times, kissing it as well, hoping that there will be any sign of the little miracle that we created, even though I know it's way too soon.

Finally, after everything that stopped us, after everything that didn't go the way we wanted it to go, this is going just how we both hoped it would.

"I love you, Ana. Thank you for being mine," I whisper while I lay my head on her belly, my ear pressed against the red heart.

"I love you. Happy Birthday, Christian."

**The end.**


	67. Epilogue

Epilogue

"And then Miss Olivia was a little mad at me and Max and we needed to sit in the hallway," I hear my almost-six-year-old son complain. His tone is almost offended, and it immediately brings a smile to my face.

I close the door behind me and kick off my shoes before I make my way into the living room where I find my wife, son, and daughter in the kitchen.

Ana is cooking, Teddy is still complaining about something that happened at school, and Phoebe is sitting next to him while coloring in her princess book. My heart swells with pride. These three are mine.

"I think Miss Olivia was right to put you in the hallway, Ted. You can't paint the door without asking it first. Seriously, what were you thinking?"

I smirk as I watch Ana while she talks to Ted. She had texted me two hours ago. Apparently, Teddy and his nephew Max decided that the door of their classroom needed a new look, so they made it orange. Needless to say, their twenty-three-year-old teacher wasn't pleased about it.

"Max and me want to do the same as uncle Ell and dad. We don't like school," Ted answers as if it's the most normal thing in the world. I can't help but chuckle to his response.

"Daddy!" Phoebe yells the moment she hears me chuckle. She jumps off her stool and sprints over to me, her little feet making adorable sounds on the hard wooden floor. Bobby, who was sitting next to her, immediately follows her, like he has done since the day she was born.

"Hi princess," I smile before I catch her and pull her against me, her tiny arms finding their way around my neck while her face hides in the crook of it.

"Me missed you." She whispers while I sway her from left to right softly. I've missed her too. I always miss them when I'm at work.

After a busy, chaotic day at work, there is nothing better than coming home in another chaotic mess. The chaotic mess that my kids make. I live for it.

"Teddy did a bad thing again," my little girl sighs while rolling her eyes when I've put her back on the ground. She has just turned three, and she is all Ana. From her brown long hair to her button nose, all my wife. She even managed to get the eye rolling.

Before I make my way over to Ana and Ted, I try really hard to keep my expression in check. I can't laugh, even though I find what Ted and Max did pretty funny.

Max and Ted are exactly 10 days apart. Max was born twelve days late on January 25th, Ted fifteen days early on February 4th. Ever since then, they are more bothers than nephews, and since they live a few minutes from each other and go to the same school, they see each other every day.

Ana and Kate have debated several times if it was the right thing to do, putting them on the same school, but Elliot and I pushed it. We know how important brothers are to each other, so we didn't want to separate them.

Right now though, I do question if it was the right choice to make, and I'm sure Ana will be calling Kate tonight to talk about that as well.

"Don't you dare," Ana mouths, completely aware of my attempt not to laugh.

"What's going on Ted?" I ask my son, who is now suddenly looking at his hands with a lot of interest. Phoebe has taken the seat next to him again, ready to watch the show. With me on his other side and Ana standing in front of him behind the counter, he is now completely closed in.

"Nothing," he doubtfully says, not convincing at all.

"Try again."

"Eugh," he whimpers while he throws his hands in the air for drama, "we just did it because Lizzy's favorite color is orange."

My eyebrows shoot up in surprise and when I look at Ana, I see that her expression has turned soft. She is endeared. "And Lizzy is?" I ask, just to be sure. And to tease him a bit as well.

"A girl," Ted mutters, his cheeks turning pink right after his confession.

"Right," I say and then look at Ana knowingly. Without words, she understands what I mean, and walks from behind the counter to Phoebe.

"Come on, Pheebs, let's go to the garden to see what Bob is up to."

While Phoebe jumps up and follows Ana, loudly chatting about how Bobby, who ran off to the garden a few minutes ago, is probably looking for flowers, I take the evacuated seat.

"So you painted the door for Lizzy?" I ask him when I'm sure that Ana and Phoebe are out.

He nods his head, cheeks still pink. He is a clone of me, but when he is blushing, it's definitely Ana. I love how we have one of each.

"Did she ask you to paint the door orange?"

He immediately shakes his head, eyes wide. "No! She just said she liked orange. Max and me made the plan to surprise her."

I think about how to respond to this. Even though I think it's funny and Ted handled out of young love, I do realize that I need to let him know that this can't happen again.

"Listen bud, you can't just go and paint people's doors without asking them first. I don't do that either. I wait for people to ask me if I can make them something, and then I do it." I explain.

"But it was a surprise. You aren't supposed to tell about them," he frowns. He really didn't realize that he was doing a bad thing. He just wanted to surprise this girl.

At these moments, I hate parenting.

"But the door wasn't yours. You should've made her a drawing. Why didn't you do that?"

Ted now rolls his eyes, and I remind myself to tell Ana not to roll her eyes that much in front of the children, even though it gives me a reason to spank her when the kids are in bed.

"Because," he starts as if it's the most simple thing in the world, "you don't do that. You built this house for mom. You didn't give her a stupid drawing."

Fucking hell, he is good. What the hell do I say to that?

"What did Lizzy think about it? Was she happy?" I ask, trying a different approach and hoping that the girl wasn't impressed.

"I don't know. We had to go to the hallway," he says, now mad again. Mad and offended.

"Miss Olivia was right to punish you and Max. You can't paint things that aren't yours. And even if they are yours, you should ask it first," I tell him, hoping that he doesn't get any stupid ideas and decides to paint his own room.

"Fine," he growls, arms folded in front of him.

"Good. No tv for you tonight though, Ted. And I want you to apologize to Miss Olivia tomorrow. As a matter of fact, you should make her a drawing."

"Ah, come on dad," he protests as if I'm asking him an outrageous thing.

"No Ted. You did something bad, and now you need to accept that you are being punished," I stand my ground. Fuck, I'm proud that I'm standing my ground.

He jumps off the stool and then makes his way to the door at high speed. "I don't like you!" He yells before he disappears out of view.

I sigh and let my hands go over my face. I hate it when they are mad at me, even though I know that I'm right to teach them what they can and can't do.

"You did the right thing."

I feel two arms wrap around me from behind, her small hands just able to reach my abs. I feel her belly against my lower back, and just close my eyes and enjoy it for a second.

"I know, but I hate it when they are mad," I tell Ana while I turn around to face her. She steps back for a second to give me space and then moves back in between my legs, her belly against mine.

"He's over it before dinner is ready, trust me," she mumbles before she gives me a kiss. "Hi," she smiles when we pull back.

"Hi," I reply, a smile on my face, "how's Pheebs?"

"Good. Making a daisy collar for Bob," she smiles. "How was work?"

"Tiering and busy. Needed to have that talk with Rick. He didn't take it well," I sigh as I think about it.

Rick is the seventeen-year-old guy we hired three months ago. He was kicked off of school at sixteen and has no idea what to do with his life. We renovated the office of his dad and he asked us if we could give him a job.

I saw myself in the kid, lost and mad at the whole world, so I gave him a chance. The first month went fine, but after that, it went down pretty quick. He never showed up on time and I'm one hundred percent sure that he came to work while being high. Instead of help, he became a burden, so today I fired him. I hated it. I'm still not good at it either.

Since Elliot and I build that hotel for Mr. Tang, we have been getting a lot more projects. Within a year, our employees doubled, and now we have over two hundred fifty people working for us. Not just in Seattle, but also outside of it. It's great, but also a lot of work.

Elliot and I make sure we are still on the scene a lot. We both love it too much to let it go, but managing the whole thing is a lot of work. Kate helps us, just like Mia, who we hired as well. It's like a family business.

Thankfully, the bond with Mia stayed the same, even though she is the only one who still has contact with Carrick. She doesn't see him a lot, but she refuses to cut ties, even though he is too busy with his new, way too young wife. She keeps saying that he is her father, and I respect that. We never talk about him though. I only know about his wife because Mia was invited to the wedding, and asked Kate and Ana for advice for the dress.

She went for a black one in the end.

"You know it was inevitable," Ana responds, "but I understand it sucks."

I nod my head and lean my forehead against hers, enjoying the silence for a moment. A very brief moment, because after thirty seconds or so, I feel Ana's belly move against mine, making me chuckle.

"Another one who wants to greet its daddy," Ana smiles while my hands move to her belly, feeling our third one move.

Ana is thirty-two weeks pregnant and unlike the previous two times, we decided that we don't want to know the sex of the baby. Since we both agreed that this is the last one, we like to be surprised.

"How is he doing?" I smile. That we don't want to know, doesn't mean we can't speculate.

"She's good. Busy like her daddy," Ana giggles and kisses me one more time before she walks out of my arms and back to the food she is preparing.

I turn around again, so I have the perfect view of her in our kitchen. Pregnant Ana is absolutely stunning. She is one of those women who is glowing from month one all the way through month nine. She never complains, she actually loves being pregnant just as much as I love seeing her pregnant.

"How was your day?" I ask after a few minutes of watching her. I'm amazed by how gracious she still moves while being this far along. The first two times, she gained more weight.

"Nice," she smiles, "Pheebs and I went to the park with Bobby and we had some ice cream. After that, we picked up Ted. Pheebs is getting so wise. It's all going too fast."

I chuckle and nod my head. "Tell me about it. Ted has his first crush. That's fifteen years too early."

Ana laughs, her cheeks a little pink. She looks amazing like this, carefree and happy. "It's cute though," she smiles when she has stopped laughing. "And that Lizzy is a pretty girl."

"I'm dreading the day that Pheebs will turn six then," I sign. The thought of boys coming for Phoebe is seriously making me sick.

The snort that Ana lets out makes me smirk. It's too fucking cute not to.

"Oh, before I forget," Ana starts, "your mom called. She wants to know how late we bring the kids over tomorrow."

Once a month, the kids stay at my mom from Friday to Sunday, along with Ava and Max. The kids always look forward to it, just like mom. They adore her. They also stay at Carla and Ray's quite often.

The bond between Carla, Ray and I is a special one. One I couldn't explain even if I wanted to. I think it's called love/hate construction. Especially Ray and I. We can have a serious discussion for hours, disagreeing on everything and anything, only to top it off with a talk about baseball. It's fucking weird, but it works.

As for mom, after she left the Heathman that day, she only saw Carrick twice. Once when he came to collect his shit, and once to sign the divorce papers. She then went to Europe for six months to clear her head. She needed time to give everything that had happened a place.

When she came back, she had everything figured out. She looked good, she felt good and she was ready for a new start. She sold the house in Portland and bought one in Bellevue as well, about ten minutes from Elliot and me.

We've worked on our bond, and I think that I can say that we've reached the point of forgiveness. I haven't forgotten, but I do realize that she is my mother and that I only have one of her. I love her, and we are in a good place right now.

"Why not the same time as always? Around four, after school?" I frown. We've always brought them after school.

"Because Eric is staying over," Ana answers, and suddenly I understand. My mother is dating.

Yes, dating. She found this guy through a website for people above fifty who are looking for romance and she is head over heels. I haven't met him yet since mom is hesitant to introduce us, but Ana has shown me the pictures that mom showed her.

He is completely different than Carrick. He has his own garage, his left arm is covered in tattoos and he looks rough. And according to mom, he treats her like a queen. I actually think we are going to get along which makes it even weirder.

"What time does he leave?"

"Well," Ana begins, a small smile on her face. She is up to something. "Your mom suggested that we should stay for dinner. Eric will stay for dinner too."

"So she wants us to meet him?" I'm surprised, to be honest. I didn't think she would ever introduce us.

"Yes," Ana says, "and you can smirk all you want, but you and Elliot will behave. You've teased her enough."

Ana and mom have developed a strong bond after mom returned from Europe. Ana doesn't hold any grudge against my mom, and they often go for lunch. Now that Ana is pregnant, mom also helps her a lot with the kids.

The plan was that Ana would go to work part-time after she gave birth to Teddy, but when the moment came, she couldn't do it. She didn't want to miss anything of him, and after we've talked about it for days, she made the decision to stay home with him.

She sometimes helps Kate a little with work for Grey Constructions, but most of the time she is with the kids. It's a role that was made for her. She is an amazing mom, an amazing cook, and an incredible wife. She makes sure that everything goes according to plan.

She is the shining head of our family.

When she was pregnant with Teddy, she sometimes had horrible nightmares. Every time it was the same one. The one where our boy got bullied and Ana couldn't do anything about it.

She was scared that our kids would go through the same thing that she went through, and like any parent, she was afraid that she couldn't protect them. It once again showed me how much everything had an impact on her.

She managed to get her fears under control, but I can tell she still has then sometimes, even though she acts like everything is good. She tries to be strong.

"Alright," I hold my hands up in surrender, returning to the subject at hand. "I won't tease her. Have you told the kids about Eric?"

She shakes her head. "no, I thought we could do that together during dinner."

I nod my head and watch her make up the plates. The smell that's coming from it is delicious, and in agreement, my stomach rumbles.

"All done," she smiles when she has four perfect plates standing in front of her.

I hop off my stool and move towards her. Not being able not to touch her, I pull her in my arms again, this time my arms around her shoulders.

"I love you," I nuzzle her hair and enjoy the smell of vanilla and Ana. And also bubblegum which is the scent that Phoebe uses on her dolls.

"I love you too." She kisses my shirt covered chest before she looks up and kisses my lips. "Can you get the kids? I need to pee."

Just like that, the romantic spell between us is broken, and I can't stop my laugh because of it. "Perfect timing, Ana," I chuckle as I watch her run for the bathroom.

"It's your baby," she calls before she disappears out of view.

Fuck, I love her too much. Simple things like this, random days out of my life like these, make me realize how perfect everything is at this moment.

I have two healthy kids, another one on the way. Grey Constructions has never been bigger and finally, my family seems to have some peace as well. Everything has finally fallen into place.

And it's all because of her. The girl I met in Italy when she was sixteen years old. The girl that I met again when she had turned into a gorgeous woman. The woman that I had the pleasure of turning into a mother. The best mother for my children.

She is my light.

She makes it all perfect.


End file.
